Tuesday, August 1, 2000

In/Exhale - October 28, 2000 - Part I

October 28, 2000 - Part I

See the ASL lesson for this day here.

“The coffee ready yet?” Art called, coming in from the back room.
“Almost,” Renee said, standing on a step ladder, pouring the water into the machine.
“Good. The ASL story hour is at ten, and a lot of people from the Deaf Community come out of the woodwork. I want to make sure everyone has coffee if they want it.”
Renee finished and started climbing down, glancing over at Art, who was pushing a little rolling cart stacked with folding chairs. “Is this something you do often?”
Art sighed. “I used to do it monthly, but the volunteer had her own baby and had to stop. This is the first month in a long time that I was able to find someone else to fill in.”
“I’ll get this started and meet you in the children’s section to get those set up?”
“Sounds good,” Art said, calling over his shoulder. “Make sure there are plenty of cups and sugar and all of that before you do.”
“Of course, si--Art,” Renee said. Even after a couple months, she still sometimes slipped into “sir” instead of the requested first name; her grandparents manners were drilled into her brain.


A few minutes later, Renee was just finishing setting up the chairs for the parents when she heard the chime of the front door, indicating someone was here. It wasn’t quite nine yet, when they officially opened, so she jogged out to the main area of the store to investigate. Her heart did a delightful skip when she saw a familiar blond figure in a wheelchair roll in.
He didn’t notice her immediately, but when he did, his face lit up, and he pushed closer, gliding to a stop just a foot away. “Morning,” he said.
“Morning,” she echoed, her chest suddenly tight and her cheeks flushed. “We don’t open for another ten minutes, but I suppose I can help you if you need anything?”
Kai smiled, shook his head. “I know I’m early, but I figured that gives me time to pick out the books.”
Renee’s eyebrows crawled together in confusion. “Books?”
Before Kai could respond, Art appeared, rushing up to Kai and patting him enthusiastically on the back. “So glad you could make it. The kids have really missed out the past few months.”
Kai and Art shook heartily, but Kai laughed at the bewilderment that was evident on Renee’s face. “I’m guessing he didn’t tell you I’m the replacement.”
Art shrugged. “I try not to get involved,” he said, but he flashed a crafty smile as he muttered something about double-checking the register and disappeared, leaving them alone.
“So . . . when did Art ask you about doing this?”
Kai pushed toward the children’s section. “Last week.”
“And you said yes? I thought you were avoiding here because of me.”
“I was. I didn’t tell him yes until yesterday.” Kai disappeared into the shelves, his back to her, so she couldn’t read his expression. Although, with Kai, even seeing his face may not have clued her in. But surely it meant something if he had only agreed to do this after reconnecting with her, right? And as good an actor as Kai may be, he couldn’t possibly have faked the look on his face when he first saw her. It made Renee smile.
The space between the children's’ bookshelves was a little tighter than elsewhere in the store, and Kai pulled himself along slowly by gripping the shelves on each side as he scanned the titles.
“What are you looking for?”
He paused, dipped his head back to look up at her. “Something to read to the kids?”
She stuck her tongue out. “What about Dr. Seuss? All kids love him.”
“Yeah, most deaf people can’t appreciate rhyme in the same way that hearies can,” Kai explained, pulling out a book and flipping through it. “I can interpret, of course, but I’d rather do something else that translates better. Preferably something that will help reinforce signs they already know and maybe teach them some new ones.”
“What about Amelia Bedlia? I used to love those when I was a kid.”
Kai replaced the book he’d been skimming and pulled himself farther down the row. “I don’t know those. Jon read to me before our parents died, but after that, my access to books was more limited.” Kai shrugged.
“Oh, it’s about this maid who takes everything literally, so like, she’s told to draw the drapes, so she takes a sketch pad and draws them. Or she’s told to dress the chicken for dinner, so she puts clothes on it.”
Kai reached the edge of the row, so he was able to turn around. She couldn’t read his expression, but his head was tilted to the side slightly. “Draw the drapes,” Kai said as he signed, making an outline of curtains in the air with his spread fingers, bringing them out, then down. Next, he held his hands up, flat, palms out, bringing  them together so his thumbs touched. “Draw the drapes,” he repeated in English, this time holding his left hand out and guiding his pinky along his palm, as if he were scribbling on it. “Wordplay like that rarely translates from English to ASL.”
“I’m sorry,” Renee said, staring at her foot as she toed the floor, embarrassed.
“Hey,” he said, reaching out for her, his fingertips just touching her; it was enough to send that wonderful tingle coursing through her, taking away some of her embarrassment. “You’re used to thinking in English. It’s OK. Just . . . imagine you were going to read one of these books, but in French instead of the way it’s written, in English. Think visually. Books where there’s a lot of visual storytelling. Or books that teach colors and numbers and things like that.”
“You act like you’ve done this before.”
Kai shrugged. “Something like that.”
Renee held in a sigh at Kai’s usual noncommittal response, but she let it be. With Kai, it seemed she’d have to choose her battles, and this wasn’t one worth pursuing, at least not right now. Renee followed Kai to an endcap, where a few new releases were displayed alongside some classics.
“Oh, I was obsessed with this book,” Kai said, plucking a copy of the Velveteen Rabbit and flipping through it. “Jon read it to me.” Kai turned a few pages, scanning the text. “I used to wonder if I wasn’t ‘Real,’ and if that’s why I was so broken,” Kai said in a whisper. “I thought, maybe if the rabbit could become Real, I could, too.” He sighed, set the book in his lap. “Real isn’t how you are made,” Kai said, as if quoting, his fingertip tracing the outline of the rabbit on the cover, “but something that happens to you when you’re loved. When you’re Real, you don’t mind being hurt. Once you are Real, you can’t be ugly.”
Renee laid a hand on his shoulder, relieved when he accepted her touch by reaching up and resting his hand on top of hers, only for a moment before looking up at her. His eyes were filled with a depth of emotion she couldn’t quite extract, like staring at the back of a weaving and trying to interpret the picture on the other side.
She squeezed around him, jogging down the shelves till she found what she was looking for, pulling it out and returning to show him. “What about this one?”
Kai blinked, shook his head, as if he’d been lost in thought before finally reaching out and accepting the book. He flipped through it. “The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Oh, this is perfect, Re.”
She loved hearing her name abbreviated like that, since he was the only one who ever did, and it rolled off his tongue, deep and open and bright. “It’s beautiful to look at, and it’s got a lot of learning stuff in it. Fruits and colors and numbers and things like that.”
He smiled at her, tucked the books between his legs to make sure they wouldn’t fall, and wheeled toward the reading area, laying them out on the folding chair Renee had assumed the reader was going to sit in.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going to read these, so I can start thinking of how I’ll interpret them. Especially the Velveteen Rabbit. It’s been a long time and that one’s a bit more complex.”
“Oh. OK. Well, uh, I’ll be in the front if you need me.”
Kai smiled. “You should watch, if you can. You know, later.” He blushed slightly.
Renee nodded, then, at the last minute, rushed up and stole a quick kiss. She wanted to tell him something cheesy, like he felt Real to her, but flushed deep red instead at the mere thought, so held her tongue. “Uh, good luck with the kids. I’ll talk to you after?”
He nodded. “Maybe I’ll even convince Art to let me steal you away for lunch.”



Art hadn’t been joking about how the place would fill up for the story hour. Though the store was packed with parents and children, instead of the din of multiple conversations, she merely heard the slap of skin against skin as parents gossiped eagerly with each other, catching up, and the occasional thunderous footsteps and cackles of children playing and chasing one another. Renee found herself entranced by the conversations, how animated they were, involving much more than just hands.
After a few moments, one of the mothers helped settle all the children, and Kai rolled in, taking his place at the front. Some of the mothers took the chairs Art and Renee had laid out earlier, but there were more adults than chairs, so many simply stood toward the back, waiting. Renee had never been around deaf people before, let alone so many, and she felt a bit awkward, not knowing what to say or do, so she found a spot in the back, where she could still see, and decided to take up Kai’s invitation to watch.
Kai began to sign, his hands moving, his face shifting, that expressiveness put to beautiful use.
“Are you Renee?” one of the moms whispered, leaning in. “Art told me he had hired someone new.”
“You speak English,” Renee said, half surprised and half relieved.
The woman laughed. “Pam. My husband’s deaf, and so are our children. They were so excited when I told them ASL story hour was back.”
Renee nodded. “What’s he saying?”
“He’s introducing himself, inviting them to ask questions. They’re asking about his wheelchair.”
Renee mimicked the sign she’d seen Kai make, his hands on each side, as if he were pushing his wheels. “This means wheelchair?” Renee asked.
Pam nodded. “He’s explaining that walking is difficult for him, so his wheelchair helps. Oh, now he’s asking the kids what color it is.”
Renee watched as the kids raised their hands, palms flat, thumbs folded, waving them in the air. Kai smiled and nodded his fist, repeated the sign. “Blue?” Renee asked, also imitating this sign.
Pam nodded, grinning. “Now he’s asking them what their favorite colors are. And pointing out some examples of each. That’s wonderful; he’s really reinforcing what they know, engaging them. The other reader wasn’t like that at all.”
Renee couldn’t help smiling.
“Now he’s explaining he’s going to read them two stories, one short one and one longer one.”
Renee watched Kai show off the book, holding it up with one hand and signing with the other, his hand in a kind of claw shape, drawing it down sternly over his torso, then folding his left arm and inching a finger along it, his mouth moving a little, but no sound coming out, his eyebrows arching slightly when he did what had to be the sign for “caterpillar.” He looked at the children, his eyebrows scrunching together, leaning forward, his right hand splayed on his side, palm up, fingers slightly curled, as if to say, “huh?” He pointed to the picture of the caterpillar on the cover, then repeated the sign, then held up his fist and moved through several motions involving his fingers, then pointed to the printed word.
“He’s teaching them the sign for caterpillar, and spelling it out for them, too, so they can start to associate the English word with the ASL sign. Wonderful.”
Kai opened the book, making sure everyone got a chance to see the first illustration, then he laid it face down in his lap and began telling the story. Renee found him a delight to watch; he was so expressive, his signing such that she could almost understand him (knowing the story helped, too). Occasionally, he’d pause to show them the picture, explaining a sign and/or spelling it out, as he had with “caterpillar.” Apple, strawberries, oranges, etc. Kai used his entire upper body, hands, arms, and face to tell the story. Even though Renee couldn’t completely follow everything, it was wonderful to watch. He was having fun, and the kids were, too, and they were learning in the process.
Renee found the part where the caterpillar eats all kinds of strange things particularly entertaining, as Kai went through the different foods, excited and eagerly “devouring” the cake, frowning at the pickle, making little asides to point out what she assumed meant he “loved” or “hated” a particular food, then apparently asking the kids for their favorites, seeing a chorus of signs she couldn’t identify, but she could see the other moms looking on approvingly.
She had to cup her hand over her mouth when she began to laugh as he signed out the stomachache the caterpillar got from eating all of that, hands on his stomach, an exaggerated frown on his face. She noticed Kai raised a single brow and met her eyes for a microscopic instant, but otherwise continued with the story. She had to bite her lip again when he showed how the caterpillar wasn’t little anymore, it was big and fat, gesturing and puffing out his cheeks, even changing the sign for “caterpillar” to indicate it, spreading out his pinkie and thumb as he inched his index finger up along his arm. Pam laughed, too, when she saw how Kai explained what a cocoon was, illustrating the caterpillar wrapping himself up, then pointing to the picture in the book, then spelling out the word.
Finally, he ended with the beautiful butterfly flying away. Renee observed how the children and the parents all raised their hands and shook them. “It’s what we do instead of clapping,” Pam told her. “He’s amazing. I hope Art can convince him to do this again.”
Renee smiled, caught Kai’s eyes. He winked at her before looking back at the kids, asking them something, perhaps about the book, that Renee couldn’t quite make out. But she wanted to. She’d probably never learn to sign as naturally as he did, but she wanted to at least learn some of the basics.


Kai was surprised, when he reentered the bookstore, to find some of the families from the reading earlier that day still bustling around, and his heart beat a little faster although everything had gone well so far. He’d worried, initially, how the Deafies would receive him, and it was the primary reason he’d avoided the Community the past few years. He had been anxious about the inevitable questions--ones that sometimes came even before introductions were made--about where he learned to sign or where he went to school. Or if he was deaf or hearing. They were questions every Deafie asked someone they met for the first time, but for Kai, they weren’t easy, simple answers. He’d worried about alienating himself again if he answered truthfully, but he didn’t want to get caught in a lie, either. Yes, he’d stayed away from the Community for years, and he’d changed a lot in that time, but Jonesville was a small town, and the Deaf Community, even smaller. His lies would catch up with him and perhaps be worse than the truth.
Fortunately, most of the moms had been too busy collecting children to do more than sign a quick, single-handed “AMAZING” or “THANK-YOU” as they yanked their kid toward the exits. The few who had lingered had accepted the truth: that he went to school at JSD until eighth grade, at which point, because he was an orphan, the state forced him to go to the hearing high school. Instead of more questions, that merely elicited a chorus of sympathy: That must have been awful. How could they do that? They forced you into speech therapy? etc., etc. And it was that simple. Maybe he’d impressed them with his signing enough they assumed he had to be deaf? And why would a hearie go to a deaf school? Still, it was surprisingly relieving to have passed that barrier.
Renee was at the register, smiling and a little harried, ringing a woman up whose children were racing around one of the display tables, playing tag.
A few other women were in line, and when they saw him, they smiled and waved and thanked him again, in sign, for the wonderful reading, telling him how much their children enjoyed it and how they hoped to see him next month. Another one, Pam, reminded him about the Halloween party at the school for the deaf Tuesday, saying she hoped he’d go. Kai forced a smile that didn’t look fake and signed it depended on whether his Tales from the Crip costume came in or not, overacting the part of a corpse, eyes rolled back, tongue hanging out. He knew she was hearing and would appreciate the pun, though gimp jokes often made people uncomfortable. She froze for a moment, fingerspelled “C-R-I-P” back to him, double-checking she’d understood him.
JOKE,” Kai signed. “I’ll think about it.
Kai didn’t see Pam’s response, because he caught a blur of movement out of the corner of his eye, reaching out reflexively before he could truly process what happened. One of the kids had nearly run into Kai’s chair, stopped only by Kai’s firm grip.
Be careful,” Kai signed with one hand, before letting the kid go.
The boy stood there for a moment, gaping. “You’re the story man.
Kai chuckled. “Yes.
Are your legs really broken?
The other kids had realized the game had stopped and had wandered over, standing around so they could see the conversation.
They don’t work right. But I get to use this cool wheelchair.
There was a flutter of hands, all wanting to touch it. Kai laughed and nodded, though he gripped his pushrims, keeping his wheels immobile to try to minimize the chance of small fingers accidentally getting pinched.
When will you be fixed?” the first boy signed.
I don’t know. Maybe someday,” Kai said.
By now, Pam, apparently the mother of a few of the kids, wandered over and apologized, still a little flustered by Kai’s earlier joke, but Kai waved her off.
TUESDAY, MAYBE,” Kai signed. “If not, next month,” he said, as a form of goodbye, adding a wave to the children as they were herded away. The young question-asker kept glancing back, finally smiling when Kai waved to him specifically.
A few moments later, and the store was empty. Renee wandered over to him, looking tired. She spotted the bag in his lap. “Is that lunch? I’m starving.”
It felt a little jarring to hear English after his signed conversations, and he had to remember to respond verbally. “Yes. Nancy’s chicken salad?”
Renee practically leapt on him, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing. “I could marry you right now.” She pulled back, seemingly not even realizing what she’d said, and added, “Let me just double-check with Art that I can take a break.”
Kai couldn’t help chuckling as he watched her skip off, her curls bouncing. Though he’d been furious with Jon initially, he just had to remember the way he felt every time he kissed her: complete, grounded, and no one else, nothing else mattered suddenly. Renee was a curious person, he could tell that much, but she never seemed to push him too hard. Not like Becca, who was constantly probing and demanding and insisting. Even when he knew he wasn’t fully in control, when he was with Renee, he didn’t feel panicky. Knowing she’d be there--ironically--was the only reason he’d finally agreed to help Art out. And now that he’d done it, seeing the look on her face as she watched him sign. . . .
Kai realized . . . he could love this girl.


Continue to October 28, 2000 - Part II ---------->


  1. Kai's back!!!! Yay!!! Your characters are so well drawn and fleshed out thst I feel like I know them! Descriptions are excellent. I can completely picture the bookstore and Kai up front reading. I adore their romance and I can't wait for more! Well done.

  2. Super beginning! You also made a wonderful ASL video. Thanks for both.

  3. Oh how I've missed this. I love the signing, and was able to follow. You make me want to pick signing back up. And i love how kai is seeming to come out of his shell, with Re there. I'm So glad you're back.

    1. So glad to hear that, Aka. I asked Rose to read over the first two days for me to help make sure it was easy to follow/understand.

      And yeah, Re really helps Kai blossom and you'll see a different side of him this season. Much more silly and funny and playful. :)

  4. Glad to have you back!!

  5. I wasn't into Kai and Co before but I joined in midway through last season. I really love this story now. I love how Kai and Renee are actually falling in love in a sweet way. That things around are complicated but not their feelings for each other. Also I love ASL. So ASL plus a wheeler is super hot. Keep it up!!

    1. Thank you! I'm glad that I've grabbed you. S2 is very much about exploring K & R's relationship as it develops.

      And I won't argue about ASL + wheeler = hot (obviously!) ;)

  6. Yeay!! I'm so glad this story is back - and sooner than I had dared hope. Thank you!

  7. Wow, thank you!! I really liked season 1, even though I am one of those who found it a bit repetitive before you came to the terrific conclusion.
    But I think I`ll like season 2 even more, the beginning is GREAT!
    Thanks so much for the ASL video, it really helps. I find most stories about deaf people/ASL neither interesting nor devvy because the specialty of ASL gets "lost in translation" when the ASL parts are just translated in english. You are doing it brilliantly different, thanks so much!!

    1. That is so good to hear... Thank you so much for your comment :). And I agree - it can be a real challenge to convey ASL well in English. I do think a big problem is a lot of times writers have very little (if any) knowledge of the language, so that doesn't help.

      It is tough when I have some longer scenes all in ASL, but I hope I can continue to portray them in a way that is both interesting and engaging as well as doing a good job of portraying how beautiful the language is - and in the process, make it more devvy, too!

      Thank you for reading and commenting! I'm glad you enjoy it.

  8. Fabulous premier episode for S2, Chie! And giving us that intro to ASL was perfect--it made the chapter come alive even more; and the summary of S1. You really set the standard! Looking forward to Kai and Rene's journey together. Thanks so much!

  9. I study signing in my country, but it´is very different from ASL. What a pitty cos it may be a universal language

  10. Such a vivid chapter! Ditto all the enthusiasm above about your portrayal of signing, and Kai and Re's warming relationship.

  11. I have to chime in.

    I, for some weird reason, hadn't been reading Inhale/Exhale until yesterday.

    This is FANTASTIC. Absolutely fantastic. Thank you so very much!

    You've also given me a little kick in the pants to pick ASL up again, now that I am older and less socially awkward. ;) My poor, socially anxious self was in over her head in my region's interpreter program.

    1. Yay! I'm glad you're enjoying it! And I know what you mean! Part of why I started taking ASL was to try to get over my social anxiety. I still have problems at socials if I don't know people, but I have gotten a little better.