Wednesday, March 28, 2012

California Dreaming - Part 7

The next morning Kelly was up by 7 and packing her stuff up.  She told Alex to, “get up.”  He did, she sat there till he was ready.  Alex went out and asked his dad to put the hand gears on his mom’s car.  Ed asked “what’s up buddy?”  With a hushed tone Alex replied, “I played with fire.”    “Oh Alex” was all his Dad said.  Kelly’s face was swollen and red and she looked awful and felt worse.  Alex did not look too great himself, but he was still in shock.  By the time Alex was ready his dad had his Mom’s car ready. 
Kelly desperately wanted to leave without running into anyone.  His parents were both in the kitchen and on her way out the door, she turned to them and said “Thank you so much it was a lovely wedding,” with a cracked voice.  Grace came over and hugged her and told Alex to go to the car.   “Kelly, I don’t know what happened but if you could see what everyone else sees then you would know what we all know.”   Kelly shook her head and said in the small voice of a child, “Mrs. Miller, this was not my decision.”  Grace hugged her again and said, “Kelly I am sorry, you guys will get through this.”  Kelly replied, “I can’t imagine” and cried on her shoulder.  Kelly was glad someone was hugging her as she felt so alone.  Grace quickly kissed her on her cheek and his Dad hugged her as well.  Kelly heard Grace say to Ed, “what the hell did he do?”  “Washington,” was all Ed had to say.  “Shit, Alex,” was Grace’s curt reply.
That half hour ride felt like ten hours.  Alex did not even try to mend things this time he said, “your flights not till noon.” 
“Please don’t start worrying about me now.” 
“ Kel,” was all he got out before she interrupted. 
“No Alex, don’t even try.”  It was a quiet ride.  Kelly did not have a tear left and thankfully she had her big sunglasses on hand for Hilton Head.  She just could not believe it was over, she was sure he was the one.  When they got the airport Alex went to park the car and Kelly said, “no just drop me off.” 
“Can we just talk?”   
“About what exactly Alex.”  Kelly turned to look at him and said “I never even had a chance with you did I?” 
“Kelly it’s not like that and you know it.  I never meant to hurt you; I wanted to make it right for both of us.”   
“You still don’t get it, I would have happily gone with you, and I would have done anything for you.”
 “You should not have to give anything up for me.”
“Yeah, because you sure weren’t willing to do the same for me, that could not be clearer.”
“That is not what I meant Kelly.  Damn it!”
“You are just player, and a good one, a good player in a wheelchair.  Boy was I wrong about you. “ She shut the door and headed in. 

Alex watched her go in and when she was gone he drove off and pulled in to a random parking lot and cried.  When he got home, he went right to his room.  The brunch was going on so no one even noticed he was back. 
His Dad eventually came in and said, “no luck?” 
Alex replied “no it’s over.” 
For a moment neither man said a thing.  Finally Alex broke the silence and said in a crushed tone “There is nothing I can say, I cannot even tell you why I did not tell her about the interview.  I do trust her Dad, more than anyone.” 
“Alex you are so afraid of being hurt, you never let anyone all the way in, and you did not want her to leave you so you left her without even realizing it.  Give her time son.
 “No Dad she is done, I have never seen her like this.  It is killing me that I hurt her.”
“You love her Alex, just give her some time. This week will do you both good.” 
Ed hugged his son and said, “come get something to eat.” 
Alex said he was staying back.  He sat in silence for a while and then went over to his computer. 

Grace came in soon after and slapped Alex in the head and he started to cry.  She hugged him like only a mother could.   “Alex, I am sorry.”  She cradled his head for a bit and then went back to the brunch. 
Alex spent the whole week miserable.  He went out with his friends one night but came home early.  He wanted to call her but he would not dare, she wanted space but he wanted her to know so much.  Alex contemplated flying to Hilton Head but he had never seen her so angry he thought that she really needed time.  Alex knew it was likely over but he did not want to leave things like this, she deserved better.  He did not want to think about life without her but he thought he better start.  Alex talked to his Mom about flying out to DC to look for a place to live.  Grace said with concern in her voice, “anything for you, but are you sure?”  “Yeah Mom, I am sure,” he replied without making eye contact.  They booked a flight for the following weekend.  Grace knew he did not want to go, but he was a man and had to figure this out for himself.  He flew back to San Francisco the next Saturday as planned.
Kelly got to Hilton Head and she has already talked with her sister Ann and she picked her up at the airport.  Ann hugged her and said I want to beat the piss out of him and Kelly said why bother.  She got to the house and everyone knew her Mom hugged her and said, “pull it together, you are better than this and you know it.”  Her mom was tough she raised her girls to never depend on a man and crying was not her style.  Her Mom knew how much Kelly loved him but she said it was not meant to be.  Kelly desperately tried to have fun; she drank a lot of wine, took a lot of long runs and spent tons of time with her nieces. The baby was not a baby anymore and Kelly just ate her up she had really gotten cute.  Kelly talked with her mom one night about what she should do.  Kelly said she was so done with San Francisco, her mom said what about Boston and she said she wanted to come home.  “Then come home Kelly.”  Her Mom made it sound so simple.   She cried in her Mom’s lap and said she did not want to be alone forever.  Being a strong women and even stronger Mom she assured Kelly she would not but she said, “Kelly you don’t chase after anyone, who does he think he is?”  Her Mom was tough, god help Alex if she ran into him ever again. 
Ann said she was going to finagle some things so she could be in San Francisco and try to help Kelly lick her wounds, Kelly was thrilled.  Her brother John was not good with the touchy feely stuff, he said, “do you want me to kick his ass?”  “No,” Kelly said loving that he offered.  Jon said, “that is all I have to offer, love ya Kelly.”  His wife Miriam said she had been there, they all had, and there was a point where her brother and her almost split.  She tried to explain to Kelly that you reach cross roads in relationships and you either end it or move on and never look back.  Kelly was not sure what to do with that.   Saturday rolled around pretty quickly; this made her very apprehensive about going back.    Kelly was worried she was not going to get all her stuff to San Francisco as she did some shopping therapy. 
Alex got in at 3 and Kelly at 4 they knew each other travel plans, Alex decided to wait at her gate as they drove in together in her car.  Kelly however had forgotten about that detail till she was on the plane.  She was surprised she had not heard from him, but she knew Alex was not pushy and he was quite shy so it would not be in his demeanor to chase her, he would give her space.  Kelly thought he would call a friend or Kristy for a ride; he would never wait for her. 
To her surprise when she walked off the plane there he was, patiently waiting.  Kelly looked better; she had a decent tan and no longer looked like she had been slapped in the face.   She got chills; she just stared and started to cry. 
Alex came over to her and said “there is nothing more I want to do right now than to stand up and hold you.”  He got tears in his eyes, and just shook his head. 
“Alex, I can’t do this.”
“Why,” was all he could get out.
“You can’t jerk me around like this.”
 Alex quickly grabbed her arm and kissed her hand.  Kelly wanted him to hold her, she missed him terribly.  She looked in his gorgeous blue eyes that had tears flowing, and reluctantly leaned forward and kissed him and he pulled her in.  “I missed you,” came out of her mouth almost without her knowing it. 
“You have no idea how much I have missed you Kelly,” he said almost breathless.  
The only difference was Kelly did not believe him, she knew he felt bad she knew he never meant to hurt her he was not a mean person.  On some level he loved her but he did not trust her and there was something missing.  So when he said things like that it made her angry all over again.  Kelly loved his smell and the way he touched her, it killed her to think that she would never feel that again. 
“Alex we should go,” she said needed to stop this outpouring of emotion.    They went to baggage claim and go their stuff; she helped him just as she normally would.  Not a whole lot was said on the ride home.  When they pulled up to his place Alex said, “come in?”  Reluctantly Kelly said, “OK.”  Kelly desperately wanted to sort some of this out, something had to be resolved. 
Once they were in the house Alex tried to pull her on his lap, Kelly pulled back and said, “Alex how do we do this?”  
He quickly replied, “The way I see it, it’s pretty simple, come with me or tell me to stay, I will do whatever.”
“Alex you have to go and I can’t come.”
 “What?” was all he could get out; he was so afraid of what she might say next. 
“Something is missing here, I know you did not mean to hurt me, you do love me, but I can’t be with someone who does not trust me. I am 30 years old, I want to settle down and that is not where this is going,” she got it out without letting a tear fall; she wanted to keep it together.
“I do trust you Kelly, more than I have ever trusted anyone.”  
“Alex let’s be honest,” with a huge tear in her eye.  “This is not what I want, I want to grab onto you and stay with you forever but you made a choice weather you knew it or not you did, I was not part of it then so I can’t be now.  I deserve someone who wants all of me and wants to be on my team, you are still a one man team and I was playing for keeps.”  The dam was about to break and she could not make eye contact. 
“I don’t get another chance?” 
“A chance for what Alex?  We had a great run, probably the best I have ever had,” she replied sound cold and brutally honest.  They were both crying.   Kelly went over to him and Alex put his head in her chest. 
While kissing the back of his Kelly said, “I don’t want to end this with us or me angry, I love you and I always will, you have meant so much to me Alex.”
“Kelly please,” was all he could get out, he was almost breathless.   
“Alex this is going to be hard for me, I am going to be a freaking mess, I need you to let me be a mess and let me go.”
“I can’t I just can’t.  Kelly tell me what I can do to fix this?”  The desperation in voice let her know she really needed to end this conversation.
She asked, “When do you leave?”
Please say you did not take it, please Alex just say you are staying.
“In two weeks,” he said with a soft voice. 
Keeping her cool and not showing her hostility and hurt she said, “then no its beyond fixable. “  It was at that moment she realized they had passed the point of no return. 
Kelly looked at him and said, “I love you,” and walked out. 

Alex went after her but she was in that BMW and gone before he could blink.  He wondered what she meant when she asked when he was leaving if he had said when you come with me would she have gone back to him.  Alex thought she was right, she deserved better than some asshole in a wheelchair that had tons of baggage.  He went to work the next day and gave his notice. 
Kelly went home and she was a mess, she unpacked and went for a run.  She came home and changed her status on facebook to single.  If he was going to be here for two more weeks then she wasn’t.  She made plans to go to Boston and New York, leaving her very little San Francisco time.  Kelly had Kristy get her sister a ticket for the weekend he was leaving she did not want to be alone.  Kelly thought she was pulling it together she felt a little more like herself.  It came and went, she felt great or awful, and not too much in-between. 
Monday she firmed up her plans to head out of town, Kristy warned her not to run from it.  Kelly just said,”I can’t run any further than he is.”  She also made plans to meet with her boss to discuss a transfer back to Cleveland.  Kelly tried to keep up a routine, she went back to running in her spare time, she looked for Alex at ever bend, maybe he would show up and tell her he was staying.  Even though he asked her to tell him to stay and she couldn’t and wouldn’t ever do that.  Kelly packed and was off to Boston Tuesday morning. 
Alex was a mess, he missed her so much that it made him sick, he literally got sick.  He did not know if he was allowed to call or text her.  What were the rules?  He did not talk to anyone he just wanted to be left in his own misery.  He packed a little here and there.  Alex was flying on Friday night to Washington with his Mom to look for somewhere to live.  How pathetic, 30 years old and he still had no one but his Mom.  Kelly should have been going with him to pick out their place.  Fuck, how did I let this happen? Alex knew he screwed up but had no idea how to fix it. 
Tuesday night he threw logic out the window and he texted her, “I don’t know the rules, can we still communicate?” 
Right away she replied, “of course.”  
Alex texted, “I miss you can we talk.” 
Kelly quickly replied, “in Boston.” 

He hated that he no longer was privy to her life.  Alex asked when she came back and she said she was going to New York on Thursday so she did not know.  Alex knew exactly what she was doing, she hated to travel like that, but she had told him once that she could make herself very busy when she needed to be.  His fear was she was going to say she would be back on Friday and he would have to say he would not be there.   Alex just asked her to call when she got into town. 
Kelly did her best she went to Boston and worked like a dog.  She ran into Phil a couple times and he caught her eye but nothing became of it, she wanted him to ask her out she needed a distraction.  God she wanted a distraction.  Next she was off to New York to with her boss.  The first thing out of Steve’s mouth was, “you look terrible Kelly.”  Kelly told him what happened more or less.  Steve said he did not see that coming and she said she did not either or maybe she did either way it was done.  Like a small child she said, “When can I go home.”  Like a concerned father he responded “once the Boston merger was over you can make an easy transfer.”  He again said he really thought San Francisco was going to be perfect for her.  With a little smirk she said, “San Francisco kicked my ass.”  Steve hugged her and took her out for a nice dinner and lots of drinks. 
Back in her room, Kelly was not a sad drunk she actually was feeling quite chatty so she texted Alex at midnight, “Hi.” 
A few minutes later he texted back, “Hi.”  He asked where she was hoping she would say San Francisco but she said New York. 
She texted, “I asked to be transferred back to Cleveland tonight.”  - The phone rang. 
Alex said, “I hate text .”  
“I know.” 
“So you are going back?
“Like you thought I would stay in San Francisco.” 
Kelly giggled and said, “I told my boss San Francisco kicked my ass.”
 “Are you drunk?”
“That is a relative term.”   
He sighed saying, “Oh my.  When do you back to Cleveland?”
“When I am finished with the Boston merger, which should be soon now that I have all this extra time.” 
“Ouch. I see that you are single.”
“Yep, my boyfriend sent me packing.”
Alex said, “Ouch,” again. 
“Do you need a band aid?” 
“I miss you Kelly.”
“That would be an understatement,” she said with sarcasm.  She went on to say, “Alex, I don’t hate you.”
“I would die if you did.  I love you so much.”
“I guess it takes more than love. “
“Kelly, I don’t know, I am so confused, this spun out of control very fast and I know I am at fault but how did it happen?”
“Honestly I don’t know.  I still remember the day I met you like it was yesterday.”
“I knew then you were what I had been looking for my whole life and I am going to spend the rest of my life regretting letting you go.”
Then don’t let me go Alex. 
Don’t do that, Alex.  There are 600 girls that would love your attention, trust me you will be fine.”
“I am not even going to justify that with a response.  Do I need to call Kristy get an appointment with you or can I just see you again before I leave?”
Please don’t leave me Alex
“I don’t know, is that healthy for us to see each other?  Can I think about it?”
“Of course, it makes me sick to my stomach that you have to think about whether you want to see me again but it’s up to you.”
 Abruptly without warning Kelly said, “I have to go and hung up.”  She was getting sad and she just wanted to go to sleep and not cry for just one night.  With a heavy heart Alex texted, “goodnight angel.”  Thankfully, Kelly did not get that particular text until the next morning. 

Alex and Grace met in DC and went with a realtor and looked at many places for Alex to live.  He did not like one of them.  Alex was quickly reminded how bad the accessibility was in Washington DC.  He was starting to think he made many wrong decisions, if Kelly had come with him for the interview she would have pointed out those details.   Alex trudged on, he picked an apartment that was very over priced but accessible and close to everything as he had no idea how he was going to drive there, people were crazy, something else Kelly would have known.  His anxiety was at an all time high.  Moving across the country would be hard enough, but moving in a wheel chair and being the new guy in a wheel chair was excruciating.  Grace reminded him “remember this is your dream job?”   “Don’t remind me.  They both flew out the next morning; he thanked her for her help and cried while she hugged him.   Before leaving Grace asked Alex, “you know what you have to do?”  Alex replied with hesitation, “no, Mom not a clue.”  “You will figure it out,” as all she said. 
Oddly enough he ran into Kelly at LAX. 
Politely Kelly asked, “where are you coming from?”  Then turning colder she said, “Naa don’t tell me, I already know.”  
Knowing he had to take advantage of Alex asked Kelly if she wanted to get some coffee and to his surprise she said sure.  They choose to meet at a place they were familiar with near Alex’s condo.  Alex bought her a large diet coke. 
They sat and not wanting this to drag on Kelly nervously said, “so what’s going on?” 
“Kelly I made a mistake actually I made lots of mistakes.” 
Kelly interrupted Alex and said “no you didn’t, you will do fine, this is what you wanted, what you have always wanted.  I knew three months ago you would end up in DC, I just thought it would have played out a little different.”  Trying to maintain her composure she continued, “I can’t believe I am saying this but Alex you are doing the right thing it will be fine.”
 After a second Alex replied, “for the first time ever Kelly, you are wrong.”
She rolled her eyes.  Please just say you are staying and this whole thing is over, please just say that. 
Alex had an awful spasm that nearly through him from his chair.  Instinctively Kelly asked if he was OK. 
Alex pathetically said, “no, but thanks for asking.”
“Aren’t we testy?”
 Alex said while looking deep into her gorgeous blue eyes, “Kelly, I am telling you with 100% certainty that I want to be with you, come with me or I will stay just tell me which one you want.  Please, just tell me.”
Kelly put her head down and looked up with big tears and said, “Alex I can’t keep doing this, you still don’t get it.”  Then she grabbed her purse and stood up and took another look at him before walking out the door.
Alex wondered why she kept saying that, what was there to get, he fucked up and he needed to make it right.  What don’t I get?  Not knowing what else to do he texted her “I am not trying to hurt you any more than I already have, please know that.”  All he got in response was “I know :-( .” 
They did not talk for a few days, they were both miserable.  Kelly wanted to get the Boston job done, but stuff kept happening to drag it out.  She went to Boston on Monday and was not coming back till Wednesday, Kelly knew Alex was leaving this weekend so she wanted to keep busy; Ann was coming in Friday.  Monday night Alex thought he would go over and sweep her off her feet; he had flowers and thought it was worth a shot.   The door man let him right in, and thankfully he still had a key.   Alex thought it was best to knock, no one answered. 
He texted her “where are you?”
Kelly replied “Good Old Boston, why?” 
“Just wondering.”  He thought when I am going to get that she is gone.   Alex went home with his tail between his legs, defeated.  He was not a part of her life anymore. 
His parents were flying in on Friday and packing a u-haul and making the trek to Washington DC.  It was going to be a long trip and really no one was looking forward to it.  Kelly stayed in Boston for a few days; Phil still really did not mess with her much.  She went to her hotel room and logged on facebook and remembered her friend request from Phil, she had not responded yet.  Maybe it was time.  So she did it, she freinded Phil Murphy, fully knowing she was doing it to make Alex jealous.   Kelly wanted Alex to see it.  Kelly wanted Alex to realize that if he really wanted her all he had to do was fix it, he made this choice on his own and he needed to fix it.  It broke her heart that he would not just fix it, he wanted her to tell him what to do, and well she was not going to do that.  Alex needed to take the risk on her that she took on him.  Deep down she knew she could fix this, she was punishing him and for what really?   
That night Alex was on facebook nosing around like half of the free world.  He saw on her page that she and someone named Phil were friends; he clicked on Phil’s picture and saw that he was a good looking guy and he was from Boston so he knew who he was.  Alex knew it meant something.  He actually could not imagine she was with him or even sleeping with him, that was not her style.  What Alex did know was that without a doubt Kelly still loved him, and whether they would find their way back was another story but in his heart he knew she loved him still.  Alex was beyond worrying about “Phil from Boston”. 
Since he was set to leave in a few days his buddy Nick wanted to take him out for one last hurrah.  They went to the sports bar they always went to.  They drank a lot.  Alex’s friend Kim had texted him and he told her to come meet them and she said sure.  Kim came down and said she could not believe he was leaving. 
Alex said “why, I have always wanted to work for the government.” 
“Alex, you are not the same guy you were a few months ago.” 
“Why?”
Kim said with hesitation, “Listen Alex, we all know I was never Kelly’s biggest fan.” 
Alex interrupted her and said, “ why, why is that exactly.”
“I don’t know she is different.”
“What the hell does that mean.  Was Kelly ever mean to you?”
“Not necessarily,” Kim said with a shrug of her shoulders. 
“Was she ever rude?”
“No, not really.”
Now sounded angry Alex said, “then what did she do?”
“Alex she took you from us, one day we had a friend named Alex and the next day you were gone.”
“Fuck Kim, I fell in love that is what you do, you fall in love and get married. “
“I know, maybe I was jealous, I did not realize you had that side to you,” she said with wide eyes. 
“What are you saying Kim?”
“I don’t know Alex I wondered why you did not fall in love with me,” Kim blurted out. 
Alex was exacerbated he replied,  “Holy Shit.”
Kim said trying to sound innocent “what?”
“She was right, she was right,” Alex said almost as if he were talking to himself and Kim was not even in the room.
“About what Alex?”
“She knew you liked me and hated her.   I told her she was crazy, but she knew.”
“Oh,  I know she knew,” Kim said with attitude.
“What, how did you know?”
“One night when we were here, Kelly came over to me and said, I get it, you like him, I don’t blame you, but you had your chance you have had years to make a move or do whatever it is you want to do.  Now it’s my turn and I need you to let me see where this is going.  It’s my turn.”
“Seriously,”  Alex said with wide eyes and a proud grin. 
Kim replied, “yeah, Kelly did not mince words.”
Still grinning with pride Alex said “I know, trust me I know.”  After a pause he continued “Kim how did I get here?” 
“Sorry Alex I don’t know.”
Nick interrupted and said, “lets do a shot this is way too serious.”
Alex agreed and said, “Nick stay away from hot girls.”
With a chuckle Nick said, “I am going to pretend you did not say that.”  He took a drink of his beer and continued and said, “Alex I am not going to say much, I don’t give advice but don’t let her go, she was perfect for you and maybe perfect for me.  But she is worth it don’t you think.”
“Nick, I know that but I don’t know how to get her.”
“You have to figure out but, Alex dude go out fighting. “  Nick replied with a raised eyebrow. 

 Alex went home and of course texted Kelly to see where she was.  
Kelly replied “Boston, coming back tomorrow. “
He said “can I see you?”  There was no response.  He tried again “Kelly, please I need to see you.” 
Finally she responded “I can’t talk now, I will call you back.”
Alex’s thoughts went to the worst place.  Where could she be in Boston at midnight?  Where could she be that she could not text?  He was freaking out.  Then his phone rang, it was her.  Thank god. Before even saying hello he said, “were are you?”
With sarcasm Kelly replied, “sleeping and I had to pee if you must know.”
“Oh sorry,” he replied while silently taking a deep breath. 
“Where did you think I was? Better yet, where were you?”
“Out with Nick.”
“One last guys night.”
“I guess you could say that, Kim showed up.”
With as much sarcasm as Kelly could muster she said, “I am shocked.”
“You were right about her.”
Inquisitively Kelly said, “What was I right about this time?”
“She asked me why I did not fall in love with her.” she
“I hope you said because she is a big nerd with no taste,” she replied sounded like a jealous brat.
With a sigh Alex said “Kel.”  He loved that she cared enough to fun of her, that had to be a good thing.
“See Alex you won’t be alone, one of those girls will gladly follow you anywhere.”
“Come on Kelly.”  After a short pause he took a stab in the dark and asked “Come out with me tomorrow night, one last date.” 
“As wonderful as that sounds.”
Alex interrupted her before she could finish her sarcastic rejection and said, “are you going to punish me forever?”  I screwed up trust me I am well aware and I have been trying to fix it and figure out what you want.
“Wow Alex, you really don’t get it.” 
“Seriously unless you want to tell me what that means, then quit saying it.”
Kelly said, “No, no, now I get it.”  There was a pause; she said “anyway my sister is coming in tomorrow night.”
Alex just said “OK.”
“Honestly I knew with you leaving I did not want to be alone.”
“That hurt,” was his response.
That’s the truth.  I can’t stand that you are leaving.”
Quickly he said “Then I won’t go.”
“No Alex, don’t do that, that is not what I meant.”
He asked when she was coming home and she said ironically her sister and her get in around 4.  She asked when his parents were coming and he said in the morning, we have to pack the uhaul and all that crap. 
“I would offer to help but I could not be responsible for all the stuff that I break,” Kelly said trying to lighten the mood.
It was quiet for a minute then Alex told her he was over at her place on Tuesday. 
“Why?”
“I wanted to see you, I hate not knowing where you are.”
“I hate knowing where you are,” Kelly said sounding very sad.
He asked when she would be done with the Boston project she said a few more weeks once you are gone I won’t have to go to Boston as much. 
Alex said, “ironically?”
“Weird how that worked out,” sounding sarcastic as usual. 
“I would do anything to hold you right now,” Alex said sounding broken.    
“Alex I can’t do this part, I have to go,” and quickly hung up.
Not wanting it to end like that he texted her, “goodnight.” 

Kelly cried herself to sleep.  Alex had not had a good night sleep since the night before the wedding. 
Kelly met up with her sister at the airport and told her about his call, Ann said, “you probably should say goodbye.”
 Kelly said, “I wanted you here to keep me from doing that.” 
“Kelly you need closure, he is leaving.”   When Kelly heard Ann say it, “he is leaving,” she felt like she was hearing it for the first time, he is leaving.  Kelly was starting to think some of this was her fault.  She texted him on the way home” I need to see you.” 
Alex was packing and did not get the text until a few hours later and finally responded “just tell me where and when.” 
She did not respond right away and being anxious he texted her again “I can come right over.” 
Then he got Kelly’s response, “come over tonight around 10.” 
He said, “OK.”   
Alex was nervous; this was out of character for Kelly. 
Kelly had dinner and a few drinks with Anne, who was exhausted from the time change.  They went back to Kelly’s.  Alex was prompt as usual.  Kelly introduced him to Ann and then she went to guest room to sleep. 
After she sat on the couch Kelly said, “I did not want you to go and not properly say goodbye. “ 
He had a fearful stoic look on his face.  Alex was sitting in his chair with in arms reach.  Kelly started by saying, “let me talk then you can talk.” 
He nodded. 
“Today I realized this is not all your fault.  I have been waiting and hoping you would realize that you could undo all this.” She quickly interjected knowing he was going to interrupt, “ just wait.”
“Alex I prayed you would put off the move and say I did it wrong, lets figure this out together I am not going.  I wanted you to make the decision to undo it not me, you kept asking me to tell you what to do.  I thought I wanted you or maybe needed you to know what to do.”  Feeling his angst she put her hand up and said, “just wait.”  Kelly continued, “I know you were afraid to tell me and I know you did not want me to leave you I can understand that, I hate that you underestimated me but I realized today that I could have swallowed my pride and tried to work it out too.  Oh Alex I know you did not mean to hurt me, no one has ever treated me as good as you and I know the last thing you would do is purposely hurt me.” 
There was a pause she said with a soft smile, “OK now you can talk.” 

While gripping his wheels he shook his head and said, “for a smart person I am stupid, I have not had many true loves or girlfriends.  Kelly, this was new to me, you made it so easy, you took charge and made all the right decisions, and this all happened so fast.  I wanted to just say, Kelly I want to give this UN thing a try will you come with me.  But the thought that you might say no scared the hell out of me.  So then I figured; see what happens if I don’t get it then it’s not worth even bringing up.  I got the job the day we got to Colorado, I did not want to have that conversation there, I thought when you got back I would ask you.  I even considered proposing.  I know I should have told you about the interview, you would have been my biggest fan, you would have gone with me and probably pointed out how much I would hate living in DC, but I was worried I would not get the job and well you know.  Kelly had tears in her eyes. 

Alex continued, “I never gave you nearly enough credit, I always second guessed you based on every other girl I ever met, when I knew the day I met you, you were like no one I had ever met before.  I started to depend on you and that freaked me out, I value my independence so much, and I know its natural everyone depends on their significant other but I have issues I guess and I am sorry for pretending like I didn’t.”
He swallowed hard and continued, “this is my fault, don’t ever think it’s yours, not for one second.  I had no idea how to fix this, if I knew I would have I swear. “
Alex I just told you how and he still did not get it, oh my god Alex please fix this. 
With a crack in his voice almost sounding like the damn was about to break Alex said, “I just realized its too late.”
Trying to maintain a little composure Kelly said, “I think it is, a lot has happened.   I did not want you to leave with us like this, I adore you and I always want to know how you are and where you are.”
“I think I want to know about you but I can’t imagine you with someone else it drive me nuts.”
“Alex, I know trust me.”  Kelly stood and walked the short distance to him.  She bent down and hugged him.  Alex pulled her face to him so she was looking right in his eyes, he kissed her with all the passion he had in him.  Kelly knew she still loved him dearly. 

Pulling her to his lap he said, “there will always be a place for you in my life.”  Kelly cried and tucked her head into his shoulder; he held her and knew he needed to be strong in this moment he needed to take care of Kelly.  Alex said, “I know I caused you all this pain, and for the last two weeks all I have wanted to do is hold you, thank you for this.” 
Kelly kissed him again, and said, “you better go.” 
“I don’t want to.”
With a firmer tone she said, “you better go.”  
Kelly stood up wiped her eyes and walked him to the door silently.  She let him leave, it was the hardest thing but she had to let him go. 
She was up all night, crying and thinking and crying, she thought about going over and telling him to stay or that she would go, but he was all but gone. 
Alex went home defeated and decided he had to try to move on,  he was starting a great job in a new place, he hated leaving her but at some point he could only do so much, he offered to stay and he would have. 
Kelly was up early, and she was not sure she had not slept at all.  Something in her wanted to see him again, she knew it was stupid, but she thought she would take her key over since he was moving out.  Around 7 AM, Kelly headed over in sweats not looking her best.  Grace and Ed were out by the UHaul and gasped when they saw her.  Kelly pathetically said hello, and the both hugged her.  She started to cry, and said she should not have come, but she wanted to give him her key to his place.  They said they were glad she came.  They said Alex is just inside, getting ready.  Kelly went in and knocked on his bedroom door.  Alex yelled,” what Mom,” from the bathroom.  Kelly chuckled and said with a crack in her voice, “its Kelly.” 
“Hey give me one minute.” 
She stood there totally freaked out as the condo was pretty much empty. 
Alex came out and said, “hey.”
“I brought your key.”
“Kel, you did not have to do that.”
“I know.”  With tears said pooling in her blue eyes she said,” I don’t want you to go, please don’t leave me.“
Alex went over and grabbed her and pulled her to his lap she was showing her vulnerable side, he had only witnessed this maybe three times in the last 6 months.  “Kelly, I am staying.”
“No, no, no,” Kelly said while wiping her face and taking a deep breathe.
“Kelly, you just said,” he got out before she interrupted.
“No, I am just depressed, I know this is right for you.”
“Help me out here I am confused Kel.”
“I should not have come, we were OK.”
“Now you are wrong, I am not OK, leaving you is killing me.”
“Alex, you need to go, and I should not make it any harder, I am so sorry,” she said while sitting up straighter and getting her composure under control.
“No don’t be sorry, this means so much to me, I was starting to think you did not care.”
“What in the world would make you think that?”
“You have let have let me leave you about five times since the wedding.”
“OK I am going to pull it together, this is crazy, this is such a good thing for you. “  Kelly stood up and said, “I love you Alex Miller, but you are going to kick ass in DC.  I am and will always be your biggest fan.”  He had tears in his eyes and said, how did this happen?  Two weeks ago, I had it all, now I am not sure if I have anything.”
Kelly stood up and looked down into his eyes and after clearing her throat she said, “really Alex, we are going to pull it together, no one is dying this is what happens life moves on.  Can I help?” 
Trying to do as she asked he said, “no, its all pretty much done.”
Kelly said, “OK” and looked in the bathroom mirror and said “god I look awful, please don’t remember me like this.” 
They walked out and went into the parking lot.  Alex stopped and grabbed her hand and said, “well this is it.” 
Kelly replied, “yep” and leaned down to kiss him.  She put her sunglasses on and said, “I love you and I know you will kick DC’s ass.” 
Alex put his hands threw his hair and said “I love you Kel, and I hope this is not the end.”
Kelly needed this to end, she waved goodbye to his parents and took off. 

Alex got himself into the mindset that maybe this is what she wanted, she sure did not put up a fight.  Grace and Ed hated seeing him like this, as he was moody and not his usual self, which made him unbearable to be around.  They packed up and headed east. 

6 comments:

  1. I have a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye . . . will there be more for these characters?

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  2. Oh my goodness. This is giving me an ulcer! Will they, won't they, will they. won't they?!?! I can't wait to find out. I want to give Kelly a firm talking to. Poor guy! Does she think he can read her mind!!!Great story, as usual:-)

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  3. Wow, that was so emotional. I can't wait to read more about them!
    ...I hope their story ends happy! :)

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  4. Ahh! Come on guys, get back together!

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  5. ohhh my God!! I'm desperate for read next chapter!! Every day look for the update! I Love Alex!! He´s so sweet!! The story is great.. I hope it doesn't end soon!!

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  6. This will probably seem nitpicky but nothing throws me out of a story faster than factual errors LAX is in Los Angeles it's a very long drive to San Francisco. It's actually more cost effective to fly from LA to San Francisco.

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