MY PARENTS
By the time we got back from the country, I had received six
missed calls from my mother. I had
dropped my phone at the bottom of one of my bags and I honestly didn’t hear her
call. By the time I realised my mistake
and finally called my mother back, she shouted at me in frantic Hebrew.
“Sara. I see that you
are back in the land of the living. I
thought that you had had a car crash and you were lying dead at the bottom of a
ditch”.
I sighed and mouthed to Daniel “she thought I was
dead”. He nodded and smiled. My mother seemed to sense we were laughing at
her and became angrier.
“I take it you are still with him. I suppose you will start to speak in English
again AND I bet you are on the loud speaker and he can hear every word”.
“We aren’t on the loud speaker” I told her in English “and
he can hear everything you say very clearly because you are shouting. I am sorry I didn’t hear the phone. It was at the bottom of the bag. Anyway, we had a lovely time and I met his
parents and his sister and kids. It was
a very peaceful weekend”.
I paused slightly and used the word “peaceful” as I wasn’t
really sure how to describe the weekend.
I did enjoy it and obviously the weekend had some amazing implications
for us. I liked his parents and sister
and Giles actually amused me although I wasn’t going to admit that to
Daniel. But of course the situation with
the lift and the shower upset and disturbed me.
For one thing, as much as Daniel tried to hide it, it made him feel
vulnerable and I was able to see clearly what he could and couldn’t do but may
be that wasn’t such a terrible thing.
“Well” she continued in a softer tone “I will say this in
English. You do remember that we are
going to Beate’s house for dinner on Friday night?”
We both looked at each other. Both of us had forgotten.
“We did remember didn’t we Dan?” I replied he nodded.
“What I thought was” my mother replied “that your father and
I would like you to bring Daniel to our house in the week, earlier than Friday
obviously so that we can get to know him a little. If you think it is too early then we can
leave it. It is just that we wouldn’t
normally ask but you have just met his parents haven’t you?”
“I would love to meet you” Daniel said speaking into the
phone. “What day would you like us to
come?”
“Us?” my mother hissed down the phone “he is talking like
you are a couple already. Very quick but
then look what happened with me and your father. After the first date we were practically
engaged. We were inseparable.”
“Yes mum” I responded not wanting to hear the story
again. So it was arranged. Daniel was going to drive straight from work
on Wednesday to meet my parents. I would
meet him there we decided and he would drive me back to his flat. Of course my mother wanted me there from
midday onwards so that she could question me all afternoon about Daniel’s
parents.
I arrived at my parents’ house in Finchley at midday as
expected. As I walked along the road I
heard frantic banging and found my father on his hands and knees banging and
sawing at some wooden planks.
“What are you making?” I asked him.
“A ramp” my father said as if it were the most obvious thing
in the world. “It will be easier for him
to get inside I presume”.
“Thank you daddy” I said hugging him. “You just do not know what that means to me.”
I found my mother in the kitchen chopping up vegetables and
then stirring them into a big pan.
“I thought as it is warm we could have Kebabs and salads and
may be some lamb. Does Daniel like that
type of thing?
“Anything” I think I told her. “He definitely loves meat – A LOT”.
“Well” she said sitting down. “I want to hear all the details. I spoke to Beate and she said that he was in
a car accident with he was a teenager.
She said that he copes very well though.” She finished nodding at me.
“Yes I suppose he does” I answered. “Do you think it was right that she didn’t
tell you the full details of him. I
mean, how hurtful for him if I would have just gone home and left him
there. I just don’t understand why she
would have taken that risk.”
“Well” my mother replied tentatively “I asked her about that
and she said that I told her that you were a lovely girl and she decided to
take the chance. She said that she thought
that Daniel could have coped with the rejection. I honestly don’t think it was right but at
the end of the day, you look extremely happy I must say”.
“Well the truth is ...” I paused for a moment and then
changed my mind. “Oh mum.” I told her “I
am totally “loved up”. I just absolutely
adore him. I love totally everything
about him.”
“Everything?” she asked.
“Well yes obviously I would rather that things were not so
complicated but what can I do? I really
like him.”
“Tell me?” my mother asked again and when I realised she was
blushing I knew what was coming.
“I presumed you have slept with him.”
“Well yes” I replied.
“What I meant to ask is can he have sex?”
“Yes” I said briefly “he can and before you ask I enjoyed it
A LOT and to be honest I just can’t think of my life without him. It is like I have been waiting for him all my
life to come. I just don’t want to be
without him.”
“Well, you are in love with him. That is how it should be. What about him? Does he feel the same. He must do otherwise he wouldn’t have
introduced you to his parents. Beate
spoke to his mother, Eva I think her name is ..”
“Eve actually” I corrected her.
“Well Eve seems to think that you are made for each other
and Daniel is very smitten with you.
Hadn’t brought anyone to meet them for years.”
“Apparently so” I agreed.
“Apparently so” I agreed.
Daniel arrived that evening.
He had delivered a huge bunch of flowers which arrived about ten minutes
before him. My father had made a perfect
ramp for him and he was able to slide up their front steps with ease.
“He is very handsome” my mother said. “Very English looking but in a very
cosmopolitan way”.
“What are you talking about?” I asked my mother “that is a
total contradiction” but I didn’t mind because I knew that both my parents
really liked him.
I did move in with Daniel – kind of. Kind of in the way that I didn’t bring all my
belongings from my flat and I didn’t bother to rent out my room, I just came
backwards and forwards with my things.
It worked – kind of. I always felt
that it wasn’t permanent. I didn’t ever
feel secure.
Weeks and weeks went by and one late afternoon when Daniel
was stuck in the office his mother phoned.
“Hell Sara” she said “is Daniel not back yet?”
“No.” I answered “and
I don’t think he will be back until after nine.
You could call him in the office if you want to?” I offered.
“no, no. It’s
fine. I think I really wanted to talk to
you”.
“What now?” I thought silently. In the months that I had been with Daniel I
was used to the weekly dramas that went along with his parents.
“Has Daniel ever mentioned that we put his name down at the
Leventhal Studio in Israel?”
“No?” I ventured. “He
has never mentioned it. Wait ... isn’t
that where my Aunt works?” The Leventhal
Studio was a world renown practice which spent all its time and attention to
getting people with spinal injuries walking with a brace connected to
electrodes.
“Yes” Eve said hesitantly.
“I believe Beate may have mentioned it.
Well he has been on the waiting list for five years you now.”
“I didn’t know” I added “How long is the list?”
“Well, I think he has been on it for five years but I’m not
sure what position he is on the list. I
expect they update Daniel sometimes.” she replied “I don’t know but the point
is, if he was to get to the top of the list, I don’t think Daniel wants to
enter the program. He says he has
accepted the way he is.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Would you talk to him?” his mother asked. I agreed but only after looking at the
facility on the internet.
Daniel arrived home exhausted a little before nine and
practically fell onto the sofa.
“Do you want anything to eat?” I asked “No” he replied “just
a hug. Jess got us some pizza as we
worked”.
I looked at him silently.
I hated Jess who had been his secretary since before I had met him. Sometimes they shared lunch together. In my opinion she was just the type of girl
that he would have gone out with when he was younger. Slim, tall, public school educated. “Good for Jess” i said.
“Well” he said “you didn’t say you were cooking anything.”
“No” I agreed “I was only going to give you something warmed
up or pasta. No, it’s fine. I’m just being stupid.”
I sat down. “Daniel,
did you know that my aunt works for the Leventhal Studio?”
“No” he replied “which aunt?”
“My mother’s sister is a physiotherapist there. Your mother said your name is down on the
list for one of those braces.”
“It is but by the time I get to the top of the list I will
probably be too old and not qualify.
Why?”
“Do you want to do the program. I read about it just now. It looks amazing. Obviously you probably won’t walk unaided at
all but it may get you upright and then there is the possible nerve
regeneration ... you never know”.
“Can you get me a drink?” he asked wearily. I got up and got him a cold bottle of beer
from the refrigerator.
“you are just spouting Leventhal’s rheteric aren’t you? I’m sure that it is a good thing but I’m okay
the way I am.”
“Look Dan” I said getting irritated. “Don’t say it like I am pushing you to do
this because I can’t deal with the way you are or anything like that. Your mother spoke to me about it and I am
speaking to you about it. I thought may
be I could get my aunt to move you up the list. “
There was silence.
“Is there a problem with this conversation?” I asked him
“because otherwise I won’t bring it up again alright?”.
“There is no problem” he said. “Come and sit next to me”.
I moved next to him and tucked myself under his arm and
cuddled up to his chest. “Alright” I
said resigned. “I won’t talk about it
again. You are happy how you are and
that is fine.”
“No” he sighed “any improvement is obviously good but I have
had enough of all that hospital and physio stuff and anyway who knows when I
can do it and what about work. I think
you have to be away for weeks”.
“Well you could take your work with you. You often work at home you could do it in the
evenings may be. I could help you with
paperwork. Anyway that is not the point
because you are entitled to a holiday.
Tell me” I said looking at him properly.
“What really is the problem with this because there is one isn’t there?”
He stared down at the rim of the bottle of beer. “I am” he said hovering with his words,
trying to put what he needed to say into prospective.
“... well, obviously it was difficult when I first had my
accident. Learning how to do things
again, sit, get up, whatever, wash, bathroom,” he sighed “and I just don’t want
to be that vulnerable again. I am okay,
I’m independent, I’ve got you. We make love,
I’m loved, I go to the gym, I work out, I swim, is it necessary to push myself
– I don’t know. I just actually don’t
think so”.
“When you put it like that” I said stroking his arm “it is
just that they say on their website that in order to keep the peak in your
mobility, just in case they find a cure ....”
“Yea I know” he sighed.
“Call your aunt. Do you fancy a
trip to Israel then?”
I jumped up and then down again and hugged him. “Oh Danny.
You’ll meet my Grandma, you’ll love her and she will cook her special
schnitzels for you. She will think you
are skinny and cook loads of food for you.”
“Perhaps we can go and visit my uncle as well. He lives on a Moshav up north. I haven’t seen him for years?”
“Is he a very religious rabbi?” I asked.
“Well he is orthodox but it’s not like he walks around
dressed only in black. He probably
considers himself to be quite modern living on a Moshav. Obviously he is a rabbi and more religious
than your family. Do you know what, I’m
liking this idea, call your aunt tomorrow”.
So it was arranged.
We were going to fly to Tel-Aviv, spend a night in a hotel, visit my
grandma in the day and then travel to the hospital where we would stay for two
weeks. Daniel would have his therapy in
the day and I would spend most of the time with my grandma and then we would
spend a few days with Daniel’s uncle before flying home.
I didn’t realise how difficult it was with flying with
Daniel and how restrictive and humiliating it was for him. First of all, they totally took away his
chair and he had to sit in the plane seat for the whole four hour trip. The toilets were so tiny that it was almost
impossible for him to get into and there was always the worry of whether they
would lose his chair or not.
Not only that was the fact that we had packed enough clothes
for three weeks, I had to handle the luggage.
Daniel tried to take over but I was scared that he would pull a muscle
and then not be able to take part in the course.
I sat next to him on the plane. They had upgraded us to business class and we
sat looking at each other in a virtually empty plane.
“You see how difficult everything is. Now you know”.
“I kind of guessed you know” I told him. “What, do you think this would put me off?”
“No” he said “but I hate it when you see me looking vulnerable. I want you to see me “all man”” he said
jokingly but kind of seriously at the same time.
“You are all man, my man don’t worry. Is that why you don’t want me to see you
using the brace until you can do it?”
“Yes” he said eventually “I suppose so. I want to just get on with it. You can watch me when I can do it. Do you understand why?”
“I do understand but it doesn’t matter to me and you know
that’s true”.
“Tell me the truth.
What do you feel?”
I looked at him.
“That is very difficult to say because if I was truthful of course I
want you to walk. Of course your life
and even my life now that I am living with you would be so so much easier but I
honestly want to be with you regardless.
I just love you. I could have
walked away at the very beginning but why didn’t I?”
“because I am gorgeous, handsome and rich” he replied
stroking me cheek and kissing me.
“If that would have been me in the wheelchair” I asked
tentatively. “If for example it would
have been the other way around, what would you have done?”
He looked at me and sighed.
“It is difficult to say because obviously when I had my accident I was a
kid really and before that, yes, of course I will admit I would have walked
away, but now, i don’t know. That sounds
terrible doesn’t it?”
I shrugged “it does but in the most awful sexist way, I
think I am a nurturer and I want to love you and make everything better.”
“What? Are you saying that I don’t love you and want to make
everything better”.
“Of course not” I replied “I am just saying that I, as a
woman has the tendency to look after and mother, so from my point of you, I
love you and can cope with .... everything but I’m not sure that if it was
totally the other way around that you would cope in the same way.”
He looked kind of sad or even confused.
“It is not a criticism I can assure you. It is a fact”.
“I’ve never had to look after you, not like that thank
goodness but I would. I love you”.
I put my head on his chest.
“I know you do”. I feel asleep
for the rest of the plane journey with my head comfortably on his chest. I was aware that he was softly kissing my
forehead as I slept and he watched the film.
This is how he looked after me.
That was a very beautiful moment, at the end. Very well written.
ReplyDeleteThank you Pepper but I don't think I have published it properly again. Anyway, whether I have or not, I am still writing the next bit.
ReplyDeleteLove this story! So sad to hear this will be your final post for a while, please don't make us wait too long!
ReplyDeleteVery sweet. Looking forward to what comes next.
ReplyDelete