Despite my doubts about Savannah, she did agree to spend an evening with me in the apartment. And that, of course, meant sex. For the first time since my injury, I was going to have sex. It had been about seven months now, which was a personal record for me.
We decided on a Thursday night, and Savannah agreed to arrive at seven o’clock. Everyone knew that this was a big day for me, and I was finding the comments a little irritating. Especially when my nurse Mary winked at me and said, “You nervous, tiger?” Of course I was nervous. “Nervous” would be an understatement. I was fucking terrified. About a million things could go wrong. It was almost impossible to imagine the evening actually going well.
It might have made more sense for Jane or Mary to get me ready for my evening with Savannah, but I asked Cam to do it and he said yes. At least Cam was a guy, so he got what I was nervous about. Even though when I looked at Cam’s perfect physique, I guessed he couldn’t relate that much. It actually ended up making me even more insecure, if that was possible.
Cam showered me first, so that I smelled just about as good as I ever smelled these days. Then I followed him to the end of the floor, where the apartment was located. It was sort of like a studio apartment, with a bathroom and even a small kitchen. And a bed, of course, which was where I was going to spend most of my evening.
It didn’t make sense for me to be in my wheelchair when Savannah arrived, so Cam transferred me into the bed and undressed me. I was still getting used to the sight of my own naked body, and for obvious reasons, it was really bothering me right now. The tone in my arms and legs had gotten really bad, and without straps holding my arms down, both my elbows bent to almost a ninety degree angle.
“Do you want me to take your splints off?” Cam asked me.
I had splints on both hands and wrists, to help control my tone. The splints make my arms look pretty crippled, so I nodded that he should take them off. Unfortunately, things weren’t looking any better with them off. My wrists bent into flexion and my fingers curled up on both hands. My arms looked so crippled, it was hard not to think about how it would look to someone like Savannah.
My legs weren’t so great either. They were just as painfully skinny as my arms, and they couldn’t straighten out entirely anymore, so they were just slightly bent and to the side. In bed, I usually had the covers over me, but now lying here, looking at my whole naked body… well, it was not a pretty sight. I really couldn’t conceive of how Savannah could find me attractive.
But she did. She said she did.
Cam pulled the catheter out of my penis, since it was going to be in use for the first time in a long time. Then he lay down a padded chuck under my ass. I knew it was there in case of an accident, but it was the complete opposite of sexy. “Does that need to be there?” I asked.
Cam hesitated. “Sorry, Nick, I just don’t want the mattress to get wrecked. I don’t want to get in trouble.”
I didn’t push it, but I wasn’t thrilled about the situation. But in any case, it was nearly seven o’clock.
Cam gave my shoulder a pat and said, “Good luck. Anything else you need?”
“Just the girl,” I said. I tried to laugh, but it came out like a strangled sound. “Any sign of her?”
“I’ll go check for you,” Cam said.
With Cam gone, I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling, trying not to let my anxiety get the better of me. I couldn’t even believe how nervous I was. The last time I had sex with Savannah, it was on the grass, behind some bushes. We were at some party and I got very horny, and all the bedrooms were ocupado. So we found the nearest private space: behind a bush. It took all of five minutes. I had no idea if Savannah had an orgasm, but I’m guessing she probably didn’t, although at the time I didn’t give a shit. Sex had never been a source of anxiety for me.
Now it was the opposite. I was terrified. I kept going over in my head all the things that could go wrong, to the point where it seemed impossible that everything would actually go right. The most likely thing that might go wrong would be if I couldn’t get an erection. Even though Cam had fed me a tablet of Viagra, I wasn’t seeing any action below the belt. Couple that with the fact that I hadn’t had a hard-on since my injury, and I knew there was a real chance that I might not be able to get it up tonight.
There was a clock on the wall, which now read 7:15. And that led me to the other thing that was likely to go wrong: Savannah might not show. Considering how unenthusiastic she seemed about our night together, that was a definite possibility. If she didn’t show up tonight, I wondered what her excuse would be. An audition ran late? Stuck in LA traffic? Just plum forgot?
It was after 7:30 when I finally heard the sound of the door to the apartment cracking open, and there was Savannah. She was dressed in a surprisingly demure blouse and flowing skirt that went down almost to her ankles. Compared to the way she usually dressed, she looked like a nun right now.
“Hey, there,” I said, as she shut the door behind her. I didn’t bother to ask her why she was late. I was just relieved she was here. Well, relieved and scared out of my mind.
“Hey, yourself,” Savannah said as she crept closer to the bed. I was naked, of course, and I watched as my girlfriends eyes swept over my body. For a moment, I saw barely concealed disgust on her face. But it disappeared fast. “So what should I do?” she asked.
“Well, come lie with me,” I said. “And take off your clothes.”
Savannah slipped off her long skirt and unbuttoned her blouse. She was even skinnier than I remembered, with her ribs jutting out enough that you could count them. Even so, her breasts were very large, swelled up with silicone. I wanted so badly to touch them, but I couldn’t. But I could get them in my mouth.
She lay down next to me in the bed and put her hand on my arm. She tried to move my arm so that it was at my side, but my tone pulled it back up. “Sorry,” I said. “My elbows are really tight.”
I saw that look of disgust again on Savannah’s face, but again, it passed quickly. “That’s all right.”
Savannah kissed me on the mouth then, her lips so soft that I was sure I’d have an erection when she pulled away. But I didn’t. We both looked down at my penis. Savannah asked, “Can you get hard?”
“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t want to remind her about the Viagra. That sort of medication is supposed to be for impotent old men. I didn’t want her to think of me like that. “You just have to touch it.”
Savannah reached down with her hand and expertly grabbed my penis. This was familiar territory for this girl. She rubbed my penis with her fingers, and it was really hot to watch, but I was just not getting hard. Not even close. It was really frustrating.
“I’m sorry,” I said. I cleared my throat. “Maybe if you, you know, used your mouth…” I blushed when I said that, which was ironic, considering the last time Savannah went down on me, I didn’t even ask her. I just guided her head to my dick with my hand. And not gently either.
Savannah didn’t say anything, and for a moment, I was really scared she was just going to refuse and walk out. But she didn’t. Savannah was nothing if not a good sport about giving head. She moved toward the end of the bed, and before I knew what was happening, she was giving me a blow job. I had to give myself a little pat on the back for getting a blow job from such a beautiful girl.
And the best part was that it worked. I started getting hard. My penis didn’t grow the way it used to before I got hurt, but it wasn’t bad at all. I was very pleased.
Except then, mid-suck, Savannah pulled away from me, and retched over the side of the bed. “Oh God!” she screamed.
I lifted my head anxiously. “What’s wrong?”
“You peed in my mouth!” she screeched, and she ran to the bathroom, presumably to wash her mouth out with peroxide.
I looked down at my penis, which had completely deflated, and there was now a little puddle of pee under it. I guess it was only hard because it was full of pee? I couldn’t believe this had just happened. Wetting myself was certainly on the short list of things I knew were a possibility during this encounter, but I hadn’t imagined this exact scenario. I felt pretty mortified at myself. I wondered if Savannah would find a way to understand. She’d been so understanding about everything so far. This was pretty bad, but… well, maybe next time would be better. No, it would definitely be better. Shit, it couldn’t be any worse.
It seemed like forever before Savannah came back out of the bathroom, opening the door with a loud snap. She had smoothed out her blond hair and adjusted her make-up. For a second, I thought she might crawl back into bed with me, but she corrected that delusion very quickly when she started to get dressed.
“Are… are you leaving?” I asked.
Savannah lifted her pretty, heart-shaped face. “You bet your sweet ass I’m leaving.”
For a moment, I got angry. I didn’t fucking do it on purpose. I couldn’t control my body at all. What the fuck did she want from me?
“I’m sorry, Nick,” she said, as she buttoned up her blouse. “I tried, I really did. But no audition is worth this.”
I stared at her, processing what she was saying to me. “So… the only reason we were together was because you wanted me to get you auditions?”
Savannah’s face was filled with pity. Before I got hurt, I had started thinking she was ugly. Suddenly, I started seeing that ugliness again. “Come on, Nick,” she said. “You didn’t honestly think I really thought you were sexy, did you?”
I felt sick. For real. I turned my head, thinking I might throw up, but the sensation passed.
“I’m sure there are women you can pay to have sex with you,” Savannah said. I could tell she wasn’t saying it to be mean, but rather, to be helpful. She was trying to give me useful advice. Next time: don’t bother with a real woman. Hire a whore.
Savannah was dressed now. She stood before me awkwardly, squeezing her hands together. A tiny part of me hoped she’d somehow change her mind and take it all back. But a larger part of me wished she’d just get the hell out of here and leave me alone.
“Goodbye, Nick,” she said. “Good luck.”
“Fuck you,” I said.
“Someday you’ll understand,” she said.
That was the last time I ever saw Savannah Mills, either in real life or in movies or TV. And even though she was possibly the most horrible person I’d ever met, the second she walked out the door, I started to cry.
The next day, everyone knew what happened between me and Savannah. They didn’t know all the details, but they knew things hadn’t gone well and that we’d broken up. I could tell Cam felt bad about it, since the whole night had been his idea, but I reassured him that it wasn’t his fault, that Savannah and I just weren’t right for each other. But what I was really dreading was Jane’s reaction.
Jane had warned me about Savannah and I knew as soon as she saw me, she was going to say I told you so. I didn’t think I could deal with that right now.
When Jane came into my room that morning, I was already up and in my wheelchair. Whatever confidence I had gained about the way I looked in my chair was totally gone. I felt like all my sexuality was left behind in that pool when I jumped in and broke my neck. I was never going to have sex again. Not unless I paid for it, like Savannah said. As awful as she was, she was 100% right about that. Nobody was actually going to want to have sex with me.
“You ready to work hard today?” Jane asked me, rubbing her hands together as she walked into the room. She always had a lot of energy. “I’ve been letting you get soft, but no more of that. You up for a workout, Nick?”
Actually, the thought of working hard and not having to think about Savannah was appealing to me. “Let’s do it.”
Jane set up the hardest obstacle course for me that I’d ever seen. She set up cones, elevated ramps, and difficult turns. I watched her as she set it up, shaking my head. “Now when am I ever going to have to do this in real life?”
“Are you kidding me?” Jane said. “A high society member such as yourself? You don’t want to be running over ladies’ toes at parties. Or maybe you do?”
“I don’t see myself at any high society parties any time soon…”
“I can just picture you with a bowtie,” Jane said with a wink.
I laughed and for a moment, I pictured Jane in a ball gown, one with one of those scooped backs. I wondered if she had freckles on her back too. Funny how when I first met Jane, I found the freckles so objectionable, and now they seemed really sexy. Not that it mattered that I found Jane sexy.
I went through the obstacle course a few times. By the first run, I managed to not knock anything down and Jane applauded. She actually looked impressed with how well I maneuvered the chair. Of course, I’d been doing it for months, so I better be good at it.
After I finished, my neck felt a little achy, and Jane went behind me without my having to ask, and started rubbing it. It felt amazing. Her fingers were so soft. She was gentle, yet still managed to be massaging me in all the right places, working at the soreness.
“So between you and me,” Jane said, “what happened with Miss Georgia Peach?”
I hesitated. I didn’t want to tell anyone, but I knew Jane would keep my secret. And I did feel like I had to tell someone. “I pissed in her mouth,” I said.
Jane stopped massaging my neck and looked at me. I expected to see disgust on her face like I did on Savannah’s, but I didn’t. Instead, I saw her lips twitching. And then a second later, she was outright laughing. “Oh my god,” she giggled, “I bet the look on her face was priceless!”
I probably should have been pissed off that she was laughing, but I wasn’t. The truth was, the whole thing was really funny if you think about it. So funny that I started laughing too. Pretty soon, the two of us were laughing so hard, there were tears rolling down our faces. My face became so wet that Jane had got out a tissue from her pocket and gently dabbed at my cheeks to dry them.
And it’s at that moment, as she was drying my tears of laughter, I realized I was desperately in love with Jane.