…This body says that’s
not me anymore. But it’s wrong, Paige…
I placed my hand on the doorknob and turned it. I needed to
convince him that that guy in the
boxes and the one on the other side of this door were one and the same, and
that I loved him.
…I am still that guy.
And I know you see him…
Madison must have forgotten all about telling me that. He
must have forgotten that it was the truth. I recalled thinking at the time that
we had made such headway in our relationship, that the disability thing was
resolved between us. Oh well. There wasn’t a schedule for these matters, right? I supposed both of us had plenty
of our own words to eat.
Go ahead, win then. See
if I care.
Maybe I could roll another double-six. I went inside.
Madison was waiting for me. Seated in his wheelchair at the
dining room table, he was facing the front door, his composure completely
recovered. No surprise there. After all he was a sensei. I quietly returned the set of keys to the bowl on the table
in the foyer. I wanted to run to him and plant myself in his lap, and make him hold
me in his arms, while I swore my love to him forever. Yeah—that was the
ticket. If I was going to a movie. Which this wasn’t. Yes, I had forced the man
I adored to rip the scab off of what must be his greatest wound, so I had to be
as calm as a surgeon.
I strode into the great room and crossed it, meeting his unreadable
expression with my own smiling one, the butterflies in my belly completely
concealed. Only when I reached the table did I falter. Whatever Madison’s
façade was now, the hint of red in his eyes, their faint puffiness betrayed
him.
I gotta go.
I had never intended to hurt him, and the thought of Madison
alone up here with his fears and tears, while I was plundering through his past,
was almost enough to buckle my knees, and I was grateful to have the excuse of
taking a seat at the table. My smile gone, I grabbed the open bottle of water
on the table and turning it up to my mouth I drained it empty.
“There’s more in the fridge,” Madison said watching me, his
face a study in equanimity.
“Sorry about that,” I made an apology, pushing out another
smile. “Would you like some more?” I asked rising from the table.
“No, I’m good.”
I sat down again. And I smiled at him again, although
Madison’s resolute regard was beginning to make me feel like a phony. There was
this thing in the room, the proverbial elephant, and its presence was kind of
my project like Madison had said. But
how could I just launch into it? Where was I supposed to begin?
“Did you find what you were looking for?” Madison began it
for me.
His tone was bare, flat, as if he were asking about the
weather. It was almost admirable, the way his coolness rarely failed him. But
poker-face or not, I knew that neither the question nor its answer was easy.
But yes, I had found what I was looking for.
“Yes, Madison,” I said, coolly but honestly. “I did. Thank
you.”
The flash of furrowed brow revealed that he hadn’t been
expecting gratitude, and if I hadn’t been meeting his eyes with my own I would
have missed it, the crack as it were in his otherwise impenetrable visage.Feeling a little embolden, I continued. “I love that picture of you with your parents and I think your grandparents,” I said. “It is them, right? Washington and Mrs. Washington. You know the one I’m talking about? You’re graduating from I think law school going by the fancy robe. And you’re standing between Jefferson and an older man. Your mom’s on one end and the older lady’s on the other.”
It was like I could see the memory coursing through
Madison’s brain. The feelings it carried for him flushed his cheeks, even
relaxed a little the tightness in his jaw. He shifted his weight in the chair.
“Is it a picture of your grandfather?” I asked, and not
waiting for him to answer I added, “I love it that you’re all named after
presidents. It’s a wonderful tradition.”
“It is,” Madison ultimately replied in a voice that was
unmistakably warmer even if it wasn’t by a lot.
“Grandfather or tradition?” I sought clarification with a
small smile.
“Both,” he answered and maybe he still liked me a little.
“Can I have it?”
“What?” said Madison surprised. “The picture?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “I know your parents now. And it’s just
such a great picture. Three generations of Reese men, all looking so proud and
happy. It’s like history. I wanna make sure it’s safe.”
“For who, Paige?” he asked coldly.
For our children
was what I wanted to tell him. But he would have to marry me first, and I
realized I might be barely holding on to sleepover
status.
“For the next generation of Reeses,” I said, and I meant
that whether I had anything to do with it or not.
Madison smiled finally but it was dark. I knew what he was
probably thinking, that Karen had enlisted infertility specialists too, to make
it like it had never happened. But I
wasn’t into make-believe. I just believed in what was possible. And it was
possible.
“So can I have it?” I pressed.
“Paige--”
“It’s you, Madison,” I interrupted him firmly. “On one of
the best days of your life. It’s your law school graduation, isn’t it? Mr.
Magna cum laude.”
I offered a hopeful smile, but he didn’t say anything, and
after a moment he looked away from me.
“It’s a beautiful picture of you, Madison,” I told him.
“With your family. If I were Karen I would have taken it with me.”
He looked back at me. Yes, I was deliberately pulling off
whatever scab had managed to grow back in this little time. Yes, it was
painful, maybe agonizingly so, but the wound needed air and light to heal.
Shutting it up in a box in the basement had not worked. Then maybe
instinctively I added, “But if I were Karen I wouldn’t have left you.”
As these words traveled from me to Madison it was like I
could see them moving through the air, and I was a little bit tempted to bat them
down or yank them back, as they were heading for a wall. Besides saying them probably
broke every counseling rule and sisterhood principle ever written, recited, or
held sacred. After all Karen wasn’t here to defend herself, and it wasn’t fair
to judge her, and the comparison was self-serving…and, and…and so be it. All
was fair in love and war. Plus it felt damn good to claim it, to say to him
that I could be better for him, better to him, than the beautiful woman who was
claiming to love him always.
But evidently this was just the claim, the case, Madison had
been expecting me to make. There was a lift in his shoulders, a squaring off, as
he sat back in his chair. To use a baseball analogy it was an easy pop-fly. I
could practically hear the ball land in his glove with a thud.
“Because you love me, right?” he said casually, jogging back
to his dug-out.
Definitely I was out, but the game wasn’t over. I would get
another a turn at bat. Maybe he had heard it all before anyway. There could
have easily been others between Karen and me.
“Yes,” I replied. “I love you.”
“Karen does too, remember? Isn’t that how this all started?”
“No,” I threw him a curve ball. “It started with an email
message regarding your parents’ visit.”
“What?” asked Madison clearly muddled again. “What email?
What are you talking about?”
“You must have written her first because it was a reply. You
know with that ‘Re’ in the subject line.”
“You read my email?”He was more surprised than offended. I appreciated that actually, but I was proud to tell him that I had not.
“It was the night I was working on my application on your
laptop,” I explained. “The message notification came in, you know in that
little blue box at the bottom of the screen. I didn’t open it but it was there
long enough for me to see who it was from, what it was about. I figured it had
to be fiancée Karen, but no, I wasn’t sure. Until I discovered her book and put
two and two together.”
“You should have read it,” Madison said dryly. “Maybe your math
would have been right.”
“It wasn’t any of my business,” I replied.
“So you’ve just been upset about it all this time? A subject
line on an email message?”
“You were making plans to see her, Madison. That’s what I was upset about. You’ve been seeing her all along, but you never told me.”
“Was I supposed to tell you? You know she lives in
Atlanta. We were," he hesitated, "involved--”
“Engaged, Madison. And you lived together.”
“Fine,” he said sharply. “I have a past, Paige. Big
surprise. You know that.”
“Yes, you have a
past,” I agreed. “And today I know that past a little bit better. I know your past.”
For a millisecond Madison’s eyes widened, but this was the
equivalent of the deer caught in the headlights for him, and I assumed it was
probably a rare event. His own argument turned against him. That guy in the
boxes and the one at this table were one and the same by his own admission. Now
we could talk rationally again. To keep from gloating in his face I got up from
the table and went to the fridge for another bottle of water, saving my big
grin for the various containers of food items keeping cold there. By the time I
returned to the table I looked sure of myself, nothing more.
“So can I have the picture?” I asked again as I unscrewed the
bottle lid and set it on the table.
“What if I told you Karen was the photographer?” Madison
asked as he used tenodesis to pick up the water bottle and take a drink.
That was a cheap shot, I thought, and very unbecoming of my
gallant knight, but all was fair.
“I’d say she did a great job,” I said smoothly. “Good thing.
I bet she takes lots of pictures in her research. Cultural Anthropology, right?”
Madison smiled crookedly, and I was a little hopeful,
even though I wondered what he was thinking. But yes, I had done my homework.
Breathing deeply I went ahead and asked the new-girlfriend question, “Are you over
her, Madison?”
“Yes,” he said.
His reply was immediate, unequivocal. But maybe it was
too quick.
“She’s very beautiful,” I felt compelled to remind him. “And
accomplished. I mean she writes books. She’s a scientist.”
Okay, so was I now trying to make up for disparaging her commitment
from before?
“You’re beautiful and accomplished,” replied Madison.
Or maybe I was just fishing for compliments.“Not like her,” I said staring at the bare dining area wall. I supposed Karen had picked its light caramel color. “If you laid our resumes on the table, side by side,” I continued while I played with the empty water bottle, squeezing and releasing it so that it made a clicking sound, like I was sending a Morse code. “Hers would look much better than mine. In fact, people like Karen don’t use resumes. I bet she has a CV, a curriculum vitae.”
“You’re not competing with her, Paige.”
I met Madison’s eyes again and let the bottle be silent.
“But FYI,” he said leaning forward. “You’re all the woman
any man could ever want.”
I felt tears welling up.
“Derrick might have done a number on your head, but he was
wrong, Paige. You have to believe that.”
“I will if you will,” I said.
“I know it.”
I shook my head.
“No. I mean about yourself, Madison.”
Leaning back, he sighed wearily and closed his eyes.
“Maybe Karen did a number on your head too,” I said. “I’m
sure she didn’t mean to, but it happened. She left you and it made you doubt
yourself. But Madison--”
“It’s not the same thing,” he argued quietly, shaking his
head, keeping his eyes closed.
“Yes, it is. You couldn’t meet somebody else’s expectations
and you blamed yourself for it. You blame yourself now. And based on what you
said before, you’re blaming yourself for not meeting my expectations. Which is
totally whacked, since I believe you’re the most perfect man I’ve ever known.
Except for my dad maybe. But of course he wouldn’t fly me to the moon with an erotic
massage or any of the other mystical things you do. That would be incest and he’d
lose points. So you’re in separate categories. But still, I gotta give you Best
in Show.”
A slow chuckle rumbled in Madison’s chest before it made its
way to his throat and out of his mouth on a deep breath, leaving behind—finally—a
gorgeous smile. And when he opened his eyes the golden-brown was warm again.
“You’re crazy, you know that,” he said.
“Okay,” I allowed, beaming. “But you must not mind it so
much, since you believe you deserve me.”
“I said that guy in the pictures deserve--”
“No," I cut him off. "You said that today, but before, you told me that you are
that guy. And you said that you knew I could see him. Well I’m looking at him
right now. So no more crazy talk, okay?”
“I didn’t know you were wearing a wire,” said Madison sardonically.
“Don’t need one. I’m a social worker, remember? A trained
listener.”
“I’m not a case, Paige.”
“The hell you’re not,” I told him. “Somebody’s couch would
do you some good. But no, you’re not my case. You’re my man.”
He smiled again. It was tentative but promising, a kind of what’s-the-use look. I clasped my hands
together to keep myself from reaching for him.
“Well you didn’t kiss me hello when I came home,” Madison said.
“I would think that entitles--”
Before he could finish I was putting my butt into his lap, my
arms around his neck, and my craving mouth to his. And he craved me back,
holding me tightly, stroking my tongue with his, taking my breath away, and
giving me joy. When we paused from kissing I nestled in his arms.
“I love you,” I sighed blissfully.
Madison took his arms from around me. Uh-oh the dreaded
four-letter word had struck again. Taking my face gently between his hands,
Madison looked into my eyes. He might as well get used to it, I thought defiantly,
I intended to tell him this every chance I got.
“What’s the matter,” I smiled languidly, “too mushy?”
“When I hear those words, Paige,” he said, “I hear a promise.”And he had heard it before.
“And you’re not sure I can keep it,” I finished for him.
His gaze was intense, as if he were searching for proof. Lawyers
liked evidence. I wished that I could give it to him; not just proof that I would
love him always but proof that I would never leave him, that there would never
come a time when I couldn’t do it anymore.
But there was no proof, except for what time would show us. We’d just have to have faith, the substance
of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
“It feels right,” Madison confessed. “But my life is complicated, Paige.
It’s not easy.”
I knew that, even though Madison usually made it look that way. And he really could use some grief counseling, which could mean some challenges as yet unknown. But it did so feel right. And all I wanted was a lifetime of looking into these golden-brown eyes.
“Nobody’s is,” I said. “We’re not dewy-faced teenagers, Madison. At this stage of the game, Complications ‘R’ Us.”
Turning my head, I kissed the calloused place in his right palm before taking his hand into mine. Then as he watched I wriggled my fingers beneath his curled ones.
“And see,” I showed him. “You’ve always been able to hold my hand.”
With our hands together I raised them to my lips and kissed each of his crippled fingers one at a time. The atrophied muscle was thin, smooth, and my Candy Man tasted sweetly of salt. Madison raised his left hand and covered mine with both of his.
“I love you, Paige,” he said, bringing my hand to the center of his
chest and holding it there.
“You’re very tactile,” I replied, happy tears spilling down my cheeks
and into my smile. “Very hands on.”
Finis
++++++++
Just too wonderful for words.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much.
thank you! I'm so glad you like the ending.
DeleteLove it - I have no other words to say about it because it's just so good. Thank you for sharing your writing and your imagination with us on here.
ReplyDeleteRose, thank you! It means a lot to me have such a kind review from you.
DeletePERFECT !
ReplyDeleteLynn, Thanks!
DeleteWhat a sweet and wonderful love story. You did marvelous! I felt so much for both Paige and Madison and it was such a treat to watch their tale unfold. I'm only sad that it's over!
ReplyDeleteI so hope that you're full of ideas and will be posting a new story for us again, soon! :)
Thank you! I'd love to write for this blog again. It is great to be a part of such a terrific community of readers and writers. I am definitely a fan!
DeleteI'm so sorry to see this story end :(. But it was a wonderful journey. I really loved seeing these two come together. You're very talented. You should consider publication :D.
ReplyDeleteHello Chie, I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. I really enjoyed writing it and sharing it. As I said to Rose above it means so much to me that you appreciate my work.
DeleteWow! beautiful finale to a beautiful story! I'm going to have withdrawl symptoms now...'cause this story has been an addiction for the last few months. Dare we hope for an epilogue? :) Thanks for writing this beautiful story. Totally loved it. Pat.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat,
DeleteThank you for generous review! I've been thinking of an epilogue, or perhaps a couple of short stories that will take us further along the Paige and Madison journey. To be honest with you, I miss them myself :-) but I will leave them for a bit for now.
I like the sounds of an epilogue and/or short stories! Please!
DeleteThanks for this story - I'm sad that it's ended, but I think you finished it off neatly.
ReplyDeletethanks!
DeleteNo! Not the end! I wasn't prepared! Sad to see it end. But thank you for writing and sharing. I hope to read more from you soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I hope to contribute more to the blog too. For now though I'll just enjoy being a reader.
DeleteIt is really sad to see this storie at the end. I hope you will be back soon with another amazing story for us to follow
ReplyDeleteThank you for staying with the story, and I'm really glad you liked it. I do hope write more here, and for now it's just wonderful to be able read the other great work here.
DeleteI'm really sad that this story has finished. I really love Paige and Madison
ReplyDeleteHave you thought of writing a sequel? When they start living together, starting a family ...
Martha
Hello Martha, I'm really happy that you like Paige and Madison. I like them too. And, yes, I've been thinking about a short story or two that would take us further along in the story. So perhaps stay tuned. :-)
DeleteI've really enjoyed this story. Thank you for posting. I'm just sad to see it come to an end.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteThank you for this wonderful story. I'm sorry that it has come to an end. Please do not keep us waiting long for another,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much!
DeleteBeautiful ending to a beautiful story! LOVE it. Greedy enough to request if you'd consider doing an epilogue!! :) Thanks, Anna Kerri
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anna. I'm really glad you liked the story. Having been a fan of this site for so long it's an honor to contribute content. And I kinda miss Paige and Madison myself, so I think they may be back. :-)
DeleteBeautiful, Adele! This story has captivated me over the past several months and I looked forward to your updates every week. Madison and Paige are a lovely couple, you brought the characters alive. Would so love to read a sequel!! :) Thanks for taking the time to treat us with this story.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing the journey with me!
DeleteOH GOODNESS!!! You've done it again! I feel all warm and fuzzy and squishy and even a little bit horny...ahem. Well, Paige is my hero and Madison is the best thing since sliced bread, but I grieve at the thought of no more chapters.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate how much time and energy it takes to make such a fine product as this wonderful story has been. I'm just greedy for more of your wonderful words with these two. Perfectly imperfect and certainly not "starry-eyed teenagers", they give me hope thaat real love can exist.
Thank you so much for your hard work. Of course, an epilogue with them adopting some great kid would be like the cherry on top.....just sayin.
Delly
Hello Delly, Thank you for sharing this story with me. It's a treat to write for such readers as yourself. And as I'm always saying the interaction with all of you is really the gift in the experience. I looked forward--if nervously--to posting each week and then hearing from you. I'll miss that for sure! And since I'm already missing Paige and Madison too, I'm thinking they'll be back later. :-) And in the meantime, I hope I can write more stories worthy of such great readers as yourself.
DeleteBaby, you could write a shopping list and bring me to tears. I look forward to all your new adventures.
DeleteJust think about it, adoption, jerky beuraucrats, wired legal system.....it could be great!
Delly
Thank you, Delly! I like your plot suggestions too.
DeleteSo sad it came to the end ... But was a amazing love story, I'm truly in love for Madison and Paige. A "season 2" would be perfect, you know, how they live together after all this. Thanks for share with us such great writer talent! Still waiting for more soon!
ReplyDeleteA "season 2"...I hadn't thought of it that way, but at least there could be a couple of reunion shows. :-) And thank you for your kind words re: the story. It was so fun to write and to share.
DeleteI love this story and I'm sad to see it end. :) I sincerely hope you'll consider a sequel or at least an epilogue - I love Madison and Paige and I'd like to see more of them.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your amazing writing with us.
-Mille
Mille, it's just an honor to be a contributor along with such terrific writers as yourself. For a long a time I have been a fan, and just wanted to pay back a little for all the pleasure I got from reading the works of people like you. Your generous reviews mean a great deal to me. Thank you!
DeleteI've been coming back to this site to read it again and again before commenting - I so loved this story. Loved the ending, neatly tied up. I was going to request a sequal or an epilogue, but looks like a lot of other readers have as well:) so I'm going to second it! Please consider a sequel or an epilogue. These characters are so lovely that I want to keep reading about them :) And thanks for taking us thro' their wonderful journey.
ReplyDeleteMaya, thank you! I'll say it again, I love this blog for the content and for the opportunity to interact with readers and other writers. I was nervous about every chapter, but all along the way getting immediate feedback was so helpful and encouraging. I think it's fair to say that Paige and Madison will be back. And I hope to share other stories here too. It's a privilege to write here.
DeleteAll has been said, but I must add one word for your incredible and memorable characters:
ReplyDeletePERFECT!!
That is what I feel this story is. Thanks.
Dear Pepper, Thank you! Your review really means a lot to me. As you might recall, this is my first go here, and about each chapter I was very nervous. Thank you for regularly commenting. It was very reassuring. I hope to write more for the blog.
DeleteI really enjoyed this story--loved seeing new chapters. I'm sorry to see it finished! Like others above, I hope you will consider a sequel. I think there is more story to tell with these two great characters. Wonderful job and thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I agree...I think there is more for Paige and Madison, so I'm pretty sure they'll be back. :-)
DeleteThis is almost bittersweet....so sad that its over, but a beautiful story too. I hope you will write more, be it some kind of follow up on Paige and Madison or a new story. You are a great writer and would love to read more from you. Thanks! Liliani.
ReplyDeleteDear Liliani, thank you so much for your kind review! For sure I'd like to write more here.
DeleteAdele, that was so beautiful. Loved the ending. Please consider wrting a follow up of these 2...we'd love to see how they're doing. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm thinking there might be more from these two. :-)
DeleteTears in my eyes as I read this...happy tears:) Paige and Madison are such a great couple. Hope they find lasting love. You are a great writer and as the other reviewers said, you should consider publication. Also, as the other reviewers, I'm hoping you'd give us an epilogue :) Thanks you!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! As always I was nervous about even this final chapter--and perhaps more so. A good story needs a good ending, and as it all unfolded I just found myself going with the characters. I'm so happy they didn't disappoint.
DeleteI went back and re-read the whole story again and love it even more. Bravo! You did an excellent job telling this story.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Thank you for engaging with Paige and Madison, and me. :-)
DeleteI'm sad that this story has come to an end. You did tie it up nicely. The finale was awesome. Beautiful dialogue. I so loved where Madison starts to chuckle at the end...read that paragraph multiple times:) I cannot end this review without requesting that you please consider writing a sequel or an epilogue. Please? Thanks for this great story.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! I'm thinking that definitely Paige and Madison will be back...so stay tuned. :-)
DeleteAdele,
ReplyDeleteAs the rare disabled male here, reading these stories to get a feel for the attraction of devotees (learning the term myself only recently) this gives me hope that there are ACTUALLY people out there such as yourself. I teared up several times during this story-and I do agree with many here that Paige and Madison are a winning couple--and more of their story needs to be told...
Good work...
Dear Troy,
DeleteThank you so much for letting me know. I'm very glad that the story resonated with you, in fact I'm honored. As a writer one is always nervous when writing about another's perspective. It's easy to get it wrong, or make it cliché. It means a lot to me that you liked the story, and that Paige and Madison were "winning". And for sure I will be following up with their story...I hope you continue to visit the blog and enjoy the stories.
Thank you for the response back, Adele. If you wouldn't mind exchanging emails, I'd love to give you some ideas that I thought of in Paige and Madison's further story...
DeleteHi Troy, It would be great to hear your ideas. That's the very cool thing about this blog--the opportunity to interact with readers. You can reach me via:
Deleteadele8581@gmail.com
I cannot believe that this story is over! This has been my favorite story (the archives included). I hope you conceive and write another story in the same vein. Please! Loved this one!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Elizabeth! I definitely plan to contribute to the blog again. This has been a wonderful treat for me, and I just hope I stay worthy of such great readers as yourself.
DeleteAdele, I read the ending last week and didn't get to reivew. It was a lovely story. I agree with every other reviewer that said that Paige and Madison are a winning couple. Really hope there's a follow up soon. Eagerly awaiting it!! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! I think there's no way we don't get to hear from Paige and Madison again, given all the generous feedback. I didn't really write the story with a sequel in mind but hearing from readers like yourself makes me think I really should revisit them....And thanks too, for coming back to the post to leave your review. It means a lot to me!
DeleteI visited this blog after a really long time and found this story. And read it all in one go. You did a great job with the story, Adele! Love Madison and Paige! Like the others that reviewed, I look forward to a follow up. I'll be visiting this blog often now expectantly:) Thanks for writing this story. Deni
ReplyDeleteDear Deni,
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm so glad you liked the story. It was a delight to write it and to share it with the readers here. I am sure there will be a follow-up, so do come back. And I hope to write other stories to post here as well. I really appreciate the opportunity to interact with readers such as you. Thanks again!
Wow! This story is easily one of the best here in this blog. I had to read it in one sitting! Hope you're considering follow ups soon? Thanks!
ReplyDeleteWow- just wow. Fabulous story, read in one go.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the fabulous read. Great story, very well told, fantastic style. I wish it would go on. Does the adventure, the love, the romance, really end when the relationship starts?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, thanks again, I enjoyed every word.
Anonyma from Germany