During the night Jason didn’t sleep well. He was uncomfortable just lying on his back but he couldn’t turn over with the catheter tubing and the sticky sensors on his chest still attached to him. Ariana’s idea of moving in with him and Darryl was also on his mind and as much as he tried to like the idea, it terrified him at the same time. Not getting enough sleep during the night possibly triggered the increase in blood pressure and he tried to relax to not have a set-back and pushing off his move to a regular room. He really wanted to move out of ICU on Saturday.
Ariana showed up around noon on Friday and she found Jason somewhat tired and worried about his health. His blood pressure had been elevated even during the morning and slight spasms were bothering him.
Trying to make Jason feel better she came up to the bed and leaned down to kiss him softly, “Hey baby!”
Ariana got comfortable in the chair next to Jason’s bed. Jason watched her silently.She smiled at him, “So tomorrow is the day.”
Jason nodded, “I can’t wait.”
“I can’t wait either. I am so glad when you get to a regular room. Everyone here seemed nice though, don’t you think?”
“Yes, they were all right. I am just ready to get out of here.”
Ariana thought for a moment, then asked lowly, “Jason?”“Hhm?”
“After your accident….which hospital were you at then?”
Jason was caught off guard with her question pertaining to his accident but answered, “I was at the Westside Medical Center; they have a trauma unit.”
Ariana looked at him with curious eyes and Jason was waiting for the next question.She asked, “How was all of it?”
He remembered her asking a question similar a couple of weeks earlier and back then he had become slightly offended when she had asked him. It probably had been wrong to act that way so now he wanted to make it up to Ariana. He let his mind travel back to the accident and trying to remember his earliest memory after waking up in the ICU at Westside Medical Center. He felt he owed Ariana some insight in how he was after the accident.
Lowly he started, “They kept me in a coma for almost two weeks. When they let me wake up and I realized I wasn’t dead I was actually really pissed off. I know I was not exactly an easy patient; I was very angry and drowning in self-pity. I hated my life….”
He looked over at her but his eyes were dark and seemed to be in another time and place.
He continued lowly, “You would have not liked me very much. I was in denial, thought the doctors had it all wrong telling me I couldn’t walk any more. I thought as soon as my leg and arm would be healed and out of the casts I would be just fine. I didn’t want to face that I didn’t even feel my freaking legs. The whole process took too long for me and I couldn’t wait to walk out of there again which of course never happened. In rehab I was still an idiot believing I could walk again and they let me fail on more than one occasion when I thought I was smarter than they were and tried to get up and shit…I was on the floor like a freaking bug on its back…now I feel bad because everyone really tried to help me and they were really patient with my angry outbursts.
Dr. Ramirez, my orthopedic was kind of my savior mentally and took a lot of time with me, talking and trying to give me realistic outlooks. He also got me in my braces, which was like my only way to somehow get some control over how much I could do. My injury is somewhat high and the braces were not so much an option they considered for me, mostly people with lower injury sites use braces sometimes but for me it was difficult. Dr. Ramirez knew I was struggling though and he had me fitted for braces and all and I actually felt pretty good standing up in those things even though it wasn’t easy at all. I wanted to be able to do it though and wore them all the time, standing every day and eventually taking some steps in them. It was exhausting but I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that I was strong enough. All that was kind of like an initial onset of wanting to try my hardest to somehow be mobile again and I was really hard on myself during rehab.
I would try to stand and walk in my braces so much that I almost broke down from exhaustion and they had to get me out of my braces against my will. When I got home I kept this up for a while but only inside the house and even though every time I strapped my braces on and for a while was able to stand or walk a few steps using considerable strength at the end of the day when I took them off I was still just as paralyzed as I was in the morning and it was kind of like a downer every time. I got depressed and eventually stopped using my braces and they stayed in my closet.”
Ariana looked at him, glad he opened up to her about everything some more, “Well, I think they need to come out of your closet again a lot…because you know how I feel about you in your braces…”
She smiled and when Jason met her eyes she looked away shyly.
He grinned, “I think I faintly remember this girl at the clinic who was checking me out…” He took her hand in his and squeezed it, “Look at me!”
She looked up and his expression was intimidating, making Ariana nervous. She remembered how she felt about Jason when she first saw him and how much he turned her on in his wheelchair and braces but at the same time the shame she had felt about her attraction to him.
She smiled shyly and Jason pulled her closer, saying lowly, “I am o.k. with it and I am going to pull my braces out of the closet for sure. Let me get out of here and you won’t know what to do with yourself anymore because you will see me in my braces and my chair a whole lot….”
He smiled at her, knowing he had touched a soft spot with his comments. Ariana was happy to see him come back to his normal self, joking and messing with her, making her feel so much longing to be with him soon, “O.k., you are making me super nervous right now.”Jason laughed a little now, “Exactly what I am aiming for.”
They looked at each other and he said lowly, “I can’t wait to get out of here and be with you Ariana.”
She nodded, “Me too.”
Her expression turned serious, “Promise me something Jason!”Jason’s smile faded, “Like what?”
She let her fingers stroke over his hand and her eyes were on him when she softly said, “Please don’t never let your health deteriorate to the point of this again where I have to worry about you so much….Please let me know if you don’t feel good or if things are not right.”
Jason was surprised at her demand but even though he understood he looked down on his legs under the blanket, then up at her with serious eyes, “I can’t promise that because there are things I can’t control sometimes. I may not know if something is wrong Ariana…yes, this time I waited too long but this can happen at any time and I may not even know things are wrong until I get a fever or something…”He paused and then added, “I will always deal with health issues, it is pretty much part of my life now…I can’t promise you that I will always know.”
He took his hand from hers and thought about how Ariana possibly did not really know what she was getting into with him and he felt doubts creep up inside him again.
As he looked up at her his eyes were dark and questioning, “This is all part of the deal, Ariana…the deal of being with me…I have good days and I have bad days, probably more of the latter…I really hope that you are up for this but I am still not sure if you really know what it means to be like this Ariana.”
Ariana was surprised at his words, “What do you mean I may not be up for this?” She felt a little bit angry but contained her emotions.
Jason added, “I think you are but I am just worried…about us and if it all works out. I care so much about you and you are the best thing that has happened in my life and I don’t want to cause you pain and problems but I think I would no matter what. I will have bad days, I will be sick, I will be tired, I will deal with spasms, I will have other very personal issues and it won’t all be dandy and happy go lucky and I don’t want you to be sad. I want to make you happy Ariana, but right now I am not sure if just being me can make you happy. You may realize sooner or later that it is not that great and that you should have never started this with me and I am scared to death of that day you decide to maybe get out of this relationship but I know I will try everything in my power to make you happy and not worry you but I can’t promise blue skies all the time. The question is will you stick by me when days are grey and dark for me or when a storm is brewing?”
His question was so direct and touched her deeply because she realized how scared he was to lose her again and at the same time she felt the pressure to confirm to him her loyalty and love. She shook her head, “It was wrong for me to ask you to promise me these things…”
She looked down and Jason took her hand again and said softly, “Hey…it wasn’t wrong to ask me because I understand where it is coming from but I hope you can understand just the same that I can’t promise you these things.”
Ariana looked up and their eyes locked on each other. Jason shifted on the bed and moved over towards Ariana just a bit more. He let his left hand rest on her cheek and pulled her down slightly, “I love you Ariana and I will try my best to make you happy.”She had her eyes on him and leaned down toward him, “I love you too and you already make me happy.”
Ariana moved over toward Jason and he pulled her down on him and let his hands travel over her back and down to her butt. He pulled her face to his and kissed her, letting his tongue push into her mouth demanding and hard. Ariana replied the kiss with her own excitement.
As they let their lips unlock for a moment, they were both breathing quickly and Jason whispered into Ariana’s ear, “When I get out of here, I will be all over you and you will help me strap my braces on and help me walk in them until I get tired. If I am not in my braces I will be in my chair and you will see me in that thing all the time, you will wish to get a break from me…”
He laughed lowly into her ear and Ariana’s heart was beating in her neck hearing him talk that way. She took quick breaths and Jason asked, “Are you ready for that?”She nodded and felt her body tremble.
Jason took her face in his hands, making her look at him, repeating, “Tell me if you are you ready for that?”
She nodded nervously, “Yes, I am…”
He smiled, still holding her face in his hands, “You wanted a paraplegic guy, you got one and he won’t go away anymore…”
With that their eyes locked and Ariana wanted him so badly, she could barely contain her emotions and arousal at Jason’s words, he turned her on so much. Jason pulled her down again for another passionate kiss.
Friday night Ariana stayed home, she didn’t have a job and was o.k. with that. She went online and did her banking and checked her accounts and everything. Since she had started working for Darren’s escort service she had been able to save a good amount of money. She didn’t have any debt and only had her regular bills such as rent and utilities. She was surprised to find her savings account up to a significant amount of $ 32 000 and her checking account had $ 4000 in it. The car she had been looking at was priced at $ 15 000 and she was still planning to buy it. The modification to have hand controls installed was going to be around $ 1600, depending on what kind of hand controls were going to be used and how long it would take to have them installed.
She thought about the car issue for a little bit and considered if it would be better to wait until Jason could make that decision with her. She knew though that he would never go through with it if she would pay for all of it. He would never take that kind of present from her. She would probably have to go through with it on her own without his input and really surprise him with it. Then he couldn’t turn back but she was worried he would maybe get mad. She also thought about just buying the car and not have it modified yet, because really she also needed a car eventually and especially if she would maybe move in with Jason and live way out in Junction 8.
Then again she could just save the money and use it for her move back to California. She pondered in her thoughts a little and then took her phone and scrolled to the pictures with her and Jason weeks ago at the bar and at the Venetian and she still felt like it was really just a dream that she was with him now. She remembered when she first saw him at the clinic. He was exactly the kind of guy she had fantasized about so many times. It had always lingered inside her and she couldn’t help checking out any wheeler in the crowd if she spotted one. She never thought she would actually want to hook up with one though, it was all in fun and that was her plan with Jason from the start. Everything was different now and in a way she couldn’t believe how her situation had turned around but at the same time she was worried about it as well. She looked at the pictures, Jason smiling shyly still, probably not sure what to think about the whole situation with Ariana. She had been straight forward with him and now had to shake her head at her bluntness pertaining what she had told him in the beginning that she only wanted him for sex. In a way it was a miracle that Jason actually had changed his mind about her and that they now were together again.
Jason felt good after Ariana’s visit, he felt they had had a serious connection with the conversations they had had. Ariana knew a little bit more about him now, things that he had been reserved about and he felt it was a step into the right direction.
It was around ten o’clock when Nurse Jill came back in to check Jason’s vitals. He was still on the catheter and had been wearing adult briefs for the whole time in the ICU, with a Certified Nurse Assistant coming in at least three times a day to check and change his briefs out if needed. It had been an issue he was well aware of but had not mentioned it to anyone and had been ignoring even when the CNA was there changing him, keeping his eyes from meeting the CNA’s. It was more than embarrassing for him and he would never have let Ariana see it or anyone else, not even his dad. He had always made sure he was covered with the sheet up to his belly. Once he would get out of ICU he wondered what they would do but probably until he could actually use the bathroom again he would stay in the briefs and they would change them for him. He hated it so much.
The catheter was one thing but making a mess into the briefs was a whole other situation and something he despised. He just had no idea when he actually had a bowel movement and especially with his health the way it had been he had no clue. Outside in his life he somewhat had a routine going on with a bowel program on a regular basis and trying to get the deed done every other morning by either using an enema or taking some stool softener the night before and then hoping with some stimulation to empty his bowel the next morning. He could never get used to the fact that he had no control of this very private issue. Thinking about Ariana being a witness to these things gave him the creeps, he couldn’t even imagine letting her in on it ever.
Jill asked softly, “How are you feeling, Jason?”Jason told her he was doing o.k. and asked, “Am I still moving tomorrow?”
Jill stood next to the bed, she had finished checking his vitals, “That is the plan and we are so happy for you, Jason. I know you are so ready to get away from us, right?”
Jason smiled, “Well, everyone was really nice and stuff…but yes, I am very ready.”
Jill smiled, “It has been a rough couple of weeks for you, I know.”
“Yeah, well, it was partly my own fault….I guess I deserved it.”
Jill shook her head, “No, you didn’t deserve this but yes, you need to take care of yourself….I know there are people who love you very much and they need you to be healthy.”
"Well, try to get some sleep now, tomorrow is a big day.”
“You are welcome, honey.”
She patted his arm saying Good Night and then walked out. Jason let his head end of the bed down some and with the TV remote in his hand he zapped through the channels until he stopped on the Sports news and eventually fell asleep.