Ariana sighed and looked after Jason disappearing. Right away doubts of her approach overcame her. She wasn’t ready for a relationship, she was too busy, too occupied with her job and didn’t feel like she had enough time and energy to invest into a serious relationship. Jason was attractive to her and she wanted him but she didn’t want to give him false hopes on starting more with her. Any guy would probably go right for a proposition like that; what could be better than having a sexual relationship with no strings attached? She was surprised at his outburst of anger and assumed that he probably would never ever call her again. Maybe he was sensitive because of his disability and she had to admit to herself that she didn’t exactly have any experience with disabled guys. Her blunt approach was probably too much for him. So far she had only lusted after disabled guys, usually paraplegics on the Internet looking at their pictures, videos or reading about them, sometimes watching movies involving a disabled character. She felt bad now thinking about what she had said to Jason. Most likely she had missed out on the perfect paraplegic guy for her by attempting this stupid approach of being very insensitive and harshly honest.
On the way to her bus stop she couldn’t stop thinking about the whole situation and felt that she had lost Jason for good. She should have been more sensitive about him but at the same time she didn’t want to let Jason get into her head. No matter how much she tried though Jason kept appearing in her mind and she kept seeing his disappointed face reminding her that she had screwed up big time.
Jason made his way to the bus stop with spasms shooting through his body and he dreaded the wait and ride in the bus. It would take him at least an hour to get back home. He still couldn’t believe how wrong the coffee date with Ariana had gone. He had been so mistaken about her and it hurt him to think about what she had thrown at him. She had tried to not make is sound like it, but he knew she had basically told him, that she wanted him just for sex. What was she talking about? She had said she was into guys in wheelchairs. How sick and twisted was she? He never wanted to see her again. At the bus stop he pulled his meds out of his back pack and took some Baclofen to keep the spasms in check, he didn’t want them to get worse. He called his dad and told him he was on his way home. His dad was surprised.
He didn’t expect Jason to be home that soon, “That wasn’t a very long date, son?”Jason answered lowly, “Yeah, it didn’t go as expected. I probably won’t see her again”
“I don’t really want to talk about it”
Jason hung up with his dad and waited for the bus. He kept looking at his phone, somehow hoping to get a text message maybe from Ariana, apologizing for all the things she had said and maybe telling him it was all a big mistake and that she didn’t mean to hurt him like she did and that she wanted to see him again. He had been so excited to meet her and now the picture of her was destroyed. He balled his hand into a fist and hit his thigh slightly cursing lowly, “Fuck! What the hell!" No one was around to hear him and he felt angry and very disappointed.
On his way home Jason was looking at the city going by outside the window. He was relieved that the spasms subsided slowly. He couldn’t shake the thoughts of Ariana and kept asking himself how she could have treated him like that? He also remembered how she had touched him with her warm slender hand holding his chin up to face her and how he had felt excited having her so close to him and how his heart beat had been fast inside his chest. He had not felt that way in what seemed like forever.
With his T-5 complete injury, he had no sensations below his belly and sexually he had not even tried to figure out what he could maybe still do or not. At past appointments Dr. Ramirez had tried to ask him about his sex life and all Jason could say was that he didn’t have a sex life anymore and that he was o.k. with that which Dr. Ramirez never believed and always tried to talk about sex with him. Jason ignored it every time. He had given up on sexual activity in any way and just thinking about that he got angry again at Ariana. How could she tell him she just wanted to have sex with him? Did she even have any idea what his disability meant in the sexual aspect? She had no clue that he was not able to do a whole lot anymore in the common sense of sex. He was angry but at the same time he had felt such a surge go through him when she had touched his hand, his neck and the way she had told him to look at her. Back in his healthy days he would have probably been very turned on by her approach and her blunt honesty about her plans with him. He wouldn’t have thought twice about the “no strings attached” proposition. Why did he feel so different about this now? He didn’t just want to be fucked and objectified; he wanted to share much more than that with a woman. He was so angry at her and another curse word floated through his mind.
Ariana spent the rest of the day at home brooding about the way the date had gone and feeling bad about herself. At night she went out for a drink with friends and with one drink becoming more like five drinks she arrived at home with a buzz, her head spinning and her steps a little bit off. The three tequilas and the two very strong cocktails were definitely racing through her veins. By drinking more than usual she had tried to forget about the date with Jason. Around midnight she was lying in her bed, feeling the buzz and pulling her cell phone out.
She brought up the text messaging and started typing with shaky fingers, “Hey Jason! I am so sorry about everything today. I shouldn’t have done what I did. Maybe you can forgive me and give me another chance. We could go out for dinner or something; I really want to see you again…” She sent the message off to Jason and waited for a while but no reply came back. She dropped her cell phone on the night stand and as sleep finally took over, images of Jason were flashing in her mind as she fell into a restless sleep.
When Jason had arrived home he was exhausted and the spasms were still bothering him. He couldn’t stop thinking about how wrong the date with Ariana had gone though and decided to get in his bed early that night.
At around 10 the next morning he woke up hearing voices, making out his dad and their neighbors chatting outside. He felt drowsy and decided to just lay there for a bit until he had to get out of his bed. He grabbed his phone off the night table and turned it on and right away the message window popped up. He saw it was from Ariana and his hand trembled slightly as he tapped the message to read it. He then dropped the phone by his side on the bed and let his head fall back onto the pillow, “Shit!” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then whispering to himself, “What the fuck? Why are you doing this to me?” He wanted to forget about the whole episode and there she was texting him. He looked at the message again and saw she had sent it in the middle of the night. He didn’t reply, he never wanted to see her again. He laid there for a little while waiting for the moment when he was motivated enough to pull himself up to a sitting position, holding himself up on his hands to get off his bed into the simple wheelchair next to his bed. Eventually he leaned forward and he threw his legs over the side of his bed. His bed was low to the ground with the frame adjusted in height so Jason could manage transfers out of his bed easily. Turned sideways some he slid his butt over into the wheelchair. He had developed quite some strength in his arms over the last two years but it was still not always an easy task to transfer.
In the doorframe a family friend named Aaron had installed pull up bars with a rope attached so Jason could pull himself up into his regular wheelchair from the smaller one he had to use inside his bedroom. The rope worked well enough. After Jason had come home from rehab following the accident and Aaron saw him not being able to get his wheelchair through the bedroom door Aaron was determined something had to be done. The door could not get widened like the bathroom door because the bedroom door was a supportive beam for the trailer roof and electric wiring was next to it but Aaron wanted to do something for Jason. He didn’t want to watch his friend struggle to pull himself up from one chair into the other chair every time he came out of his room. The rope made things a lot easier and Jason pulled himself up and plopped into his regular wheelchair with a heavy breath. The bars also worked for Jason to do pull ups sometimes when he felt like getting some exercise and working on his upper body strength.
He wheeled over to the bathroom close to his bedroom to insert a catheter to empty his bladder, take care of his bowl program and eventually get in the shower. All in all it took him about an hour and a half in the bathroom. Things were not moving very quickly for him anymore. In the bathtub he used a shower chair. He usually would transfer from his wheelchair onto the edge of the tub, lift his legs over the edge and then slide onto the shower chair.
Ariana had been up for about two hours already and was sitting in her living room with her phone in her hand checking her messages, email and Facebook. She was disappointed that there was no message from Jason but she really couldn’t blame him for not writing back. She had really messed things up with Jason. How could she have been so ignorant and going about the hook up in such a way? She held the message window open and thought about texting him again. For a while she was hesitant and then decided to just send him two words, “Sweet boy”. She clicked Send and the two words were gone to Jason’s phone.
Jason was in the bathroom getting done with his morning routine. He still heard his dad outside when he opened the small window just a bit for the humidity to escape into the dry heat outside. He wheeled himself out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. He wore only his lounge pants and socks. Coffee was still on the coffee maker and Jason poured himself a mug. Then he skimmed over the morning paper for a bit. His dad came in about 20 minutes later, “Good Morning son!” Jason looked up from the paper, “Morning dad.” His dad sat down at the table and started talking about the conversation he had had with neighbor Marty outside. Jason listened only half way, it was not particularly interesting to him what the two older men had been talking about.
Eventually his dad asked, “So, what happened with that woman yesterday? How come you came home so quickly?”Jason looked up and leaned back a little, “It didn’t really go that well, but I don’t really want to talk about it, dad.”
“Well, o.k. but you really need to put yourself out there again, Jason…you are too young to be cooped up in here with me. You haven’t been out with your friends a whole lot either.”
Jason looked seriously at his dad, “Someone’s got to make some money in this house, right?”
His dad nodded, “I know and I appreciate everything you do for us, but you do have days off and on those days you usually just sit around the house and watch TV or play Video Games.”
Jason sounded tense, “Dad, I am not exactly a catch you know, so even if I do go out I am not really a babe magnet…women don’t want this.” He looked down on himself.
His dad shook his head, “I think you are wrong Jay.” His dad called him Jay sometimes.
He added, “I see women look at you even now, that pretty little cashier down at Riley’s Market is always all smiles when she sees you. Or the one over at the Ball Field a few weeks back…there are women out there who may be interested in you, Jay…you still got it, you just have to open up a bit. You have been too closed and too distant with the women folk, they think you are stuck up….and I know you are not, but they don’t know you are just nervous and dealing with everything. Put a smile on your face sometimes, it may work wonders. I just don’t want to see you lonely, I know you are and I know you want someone. I won’t be around forever and I don’t want to see you growing old and being a lonely man.”
Jason looked down, “Dad…” He felt bad about his dad’s comments and especially the last sentence.His dad continued lowly, “If you are worried about your manhood, son….”
Jason looked at his dad surprised at the topic, “Dad, really?”
His dad pushed on, “Yes, really….all of this down there...” He pointed towards Jason’s lower half, “if a woman cares for you, all this down there is not that important to her and there are other ways to be….” His dad felt a bit embarrassed too, “sexual….you know they talked to you about all of that in rehab, right?”
Jason nodded, “Yes dad, I know but maybe we cannot discuss this right now.”
“Jason, I am your dad and you don’t think I understand, Hell, I understand…I am a man after all and I have way too much shit going on down there as well, you know that?” Jason nodded in agreement and his dad added, “I know you are worried about it, son…but it will be o.k. somehow and when you find the right woman she won’t have that as her priority. It’s us men who make big deals out of it; the women don’t even have that as the most important thing on their lists of what they want in a man. We are doing it to ourselves, Jason…sex and dicks are overrated.”
Jason shook his head, “Dad, let’s drop the subject, please.” He was thinking about Ariana and how wrong his dad was about women in her case, a woman who told him straight out that she just wanted to use him for sex. If his dad only knew the truth. Jason took another sip from his coffee and told his dad, “Well, thanks for your advice dad. I will try to get out more. You are right about that. I am not doing a whole lot lately and you are right, I am too young to just be here at the house all the time. I will try to get into some kind of activity.”
Ariana had waited a little while for a reply from Jason but nothing came. She got up and ready to go to the gym and get her work out in. She kept thinking about Jason and how perfect he was for her, exactly what she had imagined in a paraplegic. He had no idea how much she wanted him.
After her break up with Trey she had stopped trying to have relationships after a few failed tries. Trey and her had been together for two years, one they spent together in Northern Cali and then one year in Vegas together. Trey had started gambling too much and things got bad until they finally broke up. All her tries of finding someone again had failed, she had been used and been disappointed by men and she had sworn to herself she wouldn’t get into another serious relationship. A flirt at the bar or club here and there would maybe end up in some one-night stands but Ariana didn’t want anything more. She was making very good money with her job, had men around her all the time, sometimes sex with them but her ultimate goal was to move up North again and buy a cottage out in the country, maybe get some dogs and cats. She didn’t want anything serious with anyone and even though she had a thing for paraplegics and really wanted to get to know one, she didn’t think it would be very practical to have a relationship with one. There were too many things to consider and she was very compassionate under her toughness and she didn’t think she could handle the pressure of having a relationship with a paraplegic other than physical. It would be too emotional and difficult actually being in a relationship with someone like Jason. He was the perfect guy though and the way he looked she didn’t think he was short of women in his life; he probably had a girlfriend, which he just hadn’t mentioned to her. She couldn’t stop thinking about him; his face kept appearing in her mind and his sexy smile and then his shocked expression of when she bluntly had told him what she wanted with him. She worked out extra hard and ran on the treadmill, sweating and trying to forget about Jason, unsuccessfully. She kept checking her phone in between but there was nothing.
Jason spent his day at home helping his dad around the house a bit; they installed a small shelf in his dad’s bathroom, which had fallen off. He lay on the couch in the afternoon trying to get some rest before he would have to go to work at night. It was around dinner time when he finally glanced at his phone and saw the message blink. He tapped on it and saw the message from Ariana, “Sweet boy”. He stared at it for a few moments, swallowing and saying to himself, “What do you want from me?” He clicked the message off and laid his head back on the pillow. All day he had managed to put Ariana out of his mind but now after these two words he remembered her face again, her smile, her touch and her voice before she had told him what she really wanted from him. As much as he tried to make her the “bad one” in this situation it was difficult for him and he had doubts about his reaction and questioned if he maybe overreacted. He played the conversation with her over in his head and tried to find a reason why he should maybe send her a reply. Then again his rational mind took over and felt offended and objectified and told him to not even waste one more thought on this woman who had the audacity to make him an object of her desire and nothing else. He had to put her out of his mind completely. He wished he would have never met her.
The next few days Ariana stayed busy with various jobs and going about her regular days, working out, going out with friends and doing some jobs over the weekend and also the following week. She never heard back from Jason but she couldn’t stop thinking about him and was trying to figure out a way to maybe apologize to him or somehow reverse the damage she had done.