Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Difficult Patient (Part 2)


James noticed Ethan the first week of medical school, and he fell in love at first sight. Ethan was tall, muscular, and brimming with charm and confidence. Unfortunately for James, he was also very obviously very straight; he had no problems bedding a new girl every Saturday night. James resigned himself to the friend zone and Ethan seemed oblivious to his romantic feelings towards him. Classmates had their suspicions. Some used to joke that James followed Ethan around like a helpless little puppy follows its owner. But really, James wasn't helpless with Ethan so much as helpFUL, and Ethan clearly enjoyed the arrangement. James would lend his class notes to Ethan. He would make up study cards for Ethan. James would feign interest in Ethan's endless descriptions of the tight pussy he fucked last weekend. James would pretend to laugh when Ethan cracked his jokes about AIDS-infected faggots. 

When classes ended and rotations began, Ethan stopped talking to him. Somehow it wasn't such a big surprise to James. He knew it was because Ethan just didn't need him anymore. But he still cried when it happened. He couldn't help it.


Dr. James Levine was right; he didn't go back to sleep that night. He couldn't help but think about Ethan. The tragedy of his accident; how he still felt a twinge of arousal when he first saw Ethan again; and how that arrogant fucker didn't even remember him after all the time they spent together! Anyway, the morning was extremely busy and he didn't have time to dwell on these things. He went about his rounds, same as usual, save for the patient in room 104 screaming for 5-star hotel room service from the poor nurses.

By evening things calmed down. James was tired. He should have gone home to sleep, but something was drawing him to Ethan's room. Curiosity? Schadenfreude? Desire? James shuddered. He approached Ethan's room cautiously. Ethan was such a difficult, angry patient that the nursing staff was thrilled when James put him on a mild sedative that afternoon. Now he was sleeping in his bed quietly. With the staff avoiding his room like the plague, nobody would notice James standing in the doorway, quietly studying Ethan from afar. He couldn't help but admire Ethan's handsome face. If only it weren't connected to such a world-class asshole, James thought. Remembering his examination this morning, James felt a twinge of arousal as he thought about how he had laid hands on Ethan's bare chest and legs. 

As James stared, Ethan's legs began to spasm, his body flailing to and fro. As he flopped about helplessly, he slid from his bed onto the floor. James needed to rush in to help him, or call for help. But... he didn't. He stood at the doorway, just wondering what would happen next. His leg bag must have been damaged by the fall; James noticed the puddle of urine slowly expanding underneath Ethan's body. As the urine soaked into Ethan's gown, James stared, transfixed. Ethan's eyes were still closed. He was asleep in his own pee.

About two minutes passed, and James knew he couldn't just leave Ethan on the floor like that; he had to do something. He entered the room slowly and walked up to him. Standing over him, Ethan looked like a helpless little puppy, James thought. He bent down and gently lifted Ethan back onto the bed. The urine-soaked gown had to go, and James easily peeled it off. Ethan, now naked, continued to sleep. Next, the damaged leg bag and catheter had to go. Normally Jolene would take care of this kind of thing, but James wanted to give her a break and do it himself this time. James firmly grasped Ethan's penis and pulled. 

The catheter out, James' hand lingered on Ethan's penis, slowly tracing the length of the shaft down to his balls. He had fantasized about this cock so many times. He desperately needed it, and he just couldn't pass up his chance. It was late; staff was minimal, and in no hurry to visit their obnoxious new patient. Ethan was sedated, sleeping peacefully, and had no sensation below his neck. Nobody would know. James was rock-hard as he slowly moved his face down to Ethan's crotch and took Ethan's cock into his mouth. As he licked and sucked, Ethan's cock began to grow. James knew this was just a reflex response-- Ethan still couldn't feel a thing down there-- but finally having Ethan's long, hard cock in his mouth had stoked his lust even further. Staring up at Ethan's sleeping face, he took his hungry mouth off of Ethan's cock and switched to jerking it with his hand instead. Caught up in his fantasy and unable to control himself, he leaned in and kissed Ethan, on the lips, with tongue. That was a mistake.

Ethan slowly woke to the pleasant sensation of a wet french kiss. For a moment he passionately reciprocated; his dumb cunt of an ex-girlfriend must have finally come to her senses. But as his head began to clear, he realized with much distress that the stubble of a two day old beard was brushing against his lips. He mustered all his strength and tried to push James away, but it was a futile, pathetic attempt. He was being kissed and fondled by another man, and there wasn't anything he could do to stop it. But when James finally broke off the kiss, Ethan gasped in redoubled terror at what he now saw. His cock was in a man's hand; wet with a man's saliva. And it was as hard as a fucking ROCK! Tears welled in his eyes. He sputtered defiantly, as much to himself as to James, "No! I am NOT a fucking faggot!".

With Ethan awake, James' mind was racing. He knew he didn't have much time, and he knew what he wanted and needed to do. He grabbed a ball of leftover gauze, stuffed it into Ethan's mouth, and taped it in place. In a flash his pants were down and his cock was ready for business. He effortlessly flipped Ethan onto his stomach with his ass pointed up; Ethan was in no condition to put up a fight. James reluctantly grabbed a container of vaseline and lubed up; he knew he couldn't take the risk of leaving evidence for the nurses to find later during bath time. Pinned helplessly under James' able body, Ethan let out a muffled cry as James fucked him in the ass, hard, again and again. By the fourth or fifth thrust Ethan was quiet-- either resigned to his fate, or too mortified to speak. It didn't really matter which. The accident had taken Ethan’s body away from him; Now James was claiming that body for himself.

James neared orgasm, but he knew he needed to do something first. He grabbed his cellphone and grunted "Smile!" to Ethan as he snapped a picture of his cock deep in Ethan's ass. James was smiling; Ethan wasn't. Satisfied, James came quickly, all over Ethan's ass and back. He took one last photo, then he carefully cleaned up. He carefully wiped down Ethan, redressed him, and gave him a new catheter and leg bag. He wiped up the puddle on the floor, changed the bedding, and tucked Ethan in securely. Finally, he gently removed the makeshift gag on Ethan's mouth. He held up his cellphone and whispered, "If you make any trouble for me, I'll make sure everyone from med school sees how much of a little faggot cripple you really are." He gave Ethan a quick peck on the lips, and left. Ethan wasn't going to be telling anyone anything. 

It had been a really long day. Dr. James Levine drove home and went straight to bed for some well-earned rest, a contented smile on his face as he drifted to sleep, dreaming of his newest patient.


  1. Wow. To me, this part of your story describes rape.

    I have nothing against m/m stories (love slash fanfic), but this makes me uncomfortable and angry. Forcing anyone to have sex without consent and against their will is not ok. Obviously I have my own unusual sexual preferences, but I think it's best to keep that to yourself.

  2. I enjoy reading about gay relationships as much as I do straight ones, so long as the writing is good. I like your writing style, but I do not understand James' motivation for doing what he does to Ethan. Sure, Ethan is an obnoxious and callous asshole, but that does not justify what was done. Perhaps the next installment will explain more.

  3. I am glad that someone else piped in on this depiction of a rape. I was very torn about how to address this. I was wary because rape fantasy is just that - a common fantasy that is not an indication or reflection of morality. People can fantasize about rape-play without partaking in the abhorrent action of an actual rape. I did not want to stifle anyone's sexuality with strong condemnations of something I do not personally understand.
    However, I do feel strongly that this is not the place for such a story. Devotees have such a fraught relationship with PWD's and a story such as this would undoubtedly inflict horrific ramifications on the opinion of the devotee community. While my preferences may be on the side of unusual, they are not heinous or abusive. I understand that this is a niche fantasy (I dearly hope so) but the sexual abuse of people with disabilities is a real world issue. With the awareness our preference awards us, I think we should be advocates for any cause that afflicts the disabled.

    I am trying to refrain from judgement, but the tone of this piece is hedonistic to the brink of psychopathy. I am very troubled by it.

  4. I agree, this story made me extremely uncomfortable. In no circumstance is rape ever okay or sexy. EVER. I honestly feel sick after reading that chapter.

  5. I was debating whether not to post this submission. I decided to do it because everyone has different fantasies and I thought the warning would be sufficient for anyone who would be uncomfortable about this. I think the warning made it pretty obvious what it was, so if this sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, why did you read it?

    Is the message that if your fantasies are dark you should just keep them to yourself?

  6. I really don't generally associate violent sexual acts necessarily with rape. I'm all about consensual rough/violent sex. That's fine. Even "rape play" although not my thing whatsoever, if performed by two CONSENTING adults is fine. Who am I to judge? However, actively raping or assaulting someone against their will is in a whole other ballpark entirely. I feel totally entitled to judge rape as wrong, b/c it is. Any sex act that is not consensual is down right wrong. Plain and simple. And I strongly disagree that labeling the story as having "violent sexual acts" automatically equates to "if you don't like graphic scenes about rape, don't read this story."

    1. How could it be okay for two adults to act out a rape fantasy, but it's not okay to write a completely fictional story about it? Seems hypocritical to me.

  7. Rape fantasies are extremely common and they don't necessarily mean the person is a potential rapist or wants to be raped in real life. Non-consensual scenes occur frequently in all kinds of erotica. I strongly disagree that certain fantasies are too dark and need to be kept secret. This site has always published hard-core erotica as well as lighter romance. I agree with Lee that the warning is clear.

    1. Well since you put it that way...

      I also totally missed the warning, not that that's anyone's problem but my own. I don't 'take back' what I said, it was a bit of a spur of the moment reaction, but I think my position is defensible given the horrific emotional consequences rape has on it's recipients. Being a nurse this also made me uncomfortable on a professional level. And devogirl, I don't think the writer is a rapist but I definitely think that posting this kind of material (especially on a blog where a number of the writers write about being victims of rape) leaves you open to criticism and questioning.

      And there's the fact that the message these days regarding rape is that it is unequivocally wrong. So write this stuff to an audience who has heard that message time and time again and your bound to get some backlash.

      But I do kinda regret the 'keep it to yourself comment'. I dunno...

  8. I think a warning is appropriate and if you are uncomfortable with fantasies involving rape, don't read it.

    I just can't agree with the idea that writing and sharing stories in which horrible things happen to fictional people is a refelction of real life or real desires.

    I think we can write stories about fictional people that protray things we would never cause or want to have happen to any real person. A lot of my fantasies are that way. I'd be incredibly distraught if the things I fantasized about came true.

    Some stories are for immitating reality and imagining what it would be like to have a disabled partner. Other stories are for giving expression and outlet to our darkest sides.

    It's not just devs who have dark sides. Most people have a part of their sexuality that is terrifying to them.

    When it comes to porn-style stories, I say whatever makes you hot, it's all fair.

    Fictional people don't need to consent. They aren't real people and they never will be. That's my take on it.

  9. I'm really quite troubled by this chapter - it is tantamount to rape and far to dark for me.

  10. The Difficult Patient
    Part 3

    The next day James woke, fully rested, and drove to work. He entered Ethan's room and they embraced in a passionate romantic kiss.

    "James, that mutually agreed-upon rape-play scene we acted out last night was so hot! I came three more times last night just remembering it!", Ethan swooned. His erect cock was peaking out of his hospital gown.

    "Yeah, it must've made you really happy. Jolene says you haven't been nearly as big an asshole today," James smirked.

    "James, you are the love of my life. Marry me my darling."

    A tear welled in James' eye. "Oh, Ethan, you had me at 'that mutually agreed-upon rape-play scene'. The answer is YES!"

    Gay marriage was recently ruled constitutional by the activist judges on their state supreme court, so James and Ethan got married the next day with a big romantic ceremony and a cake with two little plastic grooms on top. It was super cute! As they walked down the aisle hand-in-hand Jolene, who wasn't very attentive, finally realized that Ethan wasn't paralyzed from the neck down after all.

    She blurted out, "Wow, I'm so glad Ethan was just pretending all along for some kinky sex game or something!"

    James agreed, "Yeah, I mean it's one thing to be sexually aroused by someone consensually pretending to be paralyzed from the neck down but to be sexually aroused by someone actually paralyzed from the neck down would be very immoral!"

    Ethan nodded in agreement, "Being paralyzed from the neck down for real would be a painful and traumatic event that would affect my life forever. What kind of immoral person would derive sexual pleasure from such a thing?"

    "You may kiss the groom," said the guy doing the ceremony.

    James and Ethan embraced in a passionate kiss and lived happily ever after, doing lots of hot consensual pretend-paralyzed pretend-rape. Except eventually Ethan did get sent to jail for insurance fraud for pretending to need all that medical care when he really wasn't even paralyzed. I would tell you what happened to him in jail but some of you sick freaks would probably like it too much.

    1. are you for real equating rape, (not rape-play, many of the naysayers on this comment thread have stated knowledge of an unequivocal distinction) with devoteeism to prove a point? We are in a lounge. A real class-A joint. I swivel on my plush, velveteen bar stool, tossing my perfectly coiffed head in mirthful derision at your petulant grunting.

      I can see the flailing attempt at satire. However, there is not a basis of comparison between devotees and rapists. Of course, when the two statements are cobbled together in such a frank manner the sentiment appears absurd! You scoff, the subtlety of your approach lost in the brusque nature of this treatment.

      Following this superb little chunk of logical fallacy, the superimposition of the fraught nature of their own "perverse" attraction with that improbable evil of rape, will show that the demonization of the material of this story is simply a laughable failure of understanding on their part!

      "She blurted out, "Wow, I'm so glad Ethan was just pretending all along for some kinky sex game or something!"

      James agreed, "Yeah, I mean it's one thing to be sexually aroused by someone consensually pretending to be paralyzed from the neck down but to be sexually aroused by someone actually paralyzed from the neck down would be very immoral!"

      Dude. Dude. No, really. Dude. Perhaps there were some misguided, shameful outcries against the tasty fantasy depiction of a rape. Because this piece was not rape-play. I understand the effrontery of the reaction to sexual repression! On a website devoted to a peculiar fetish, of all places! I am open to the many facets of human sexuality. You do you, man. I don't think that anyone deserves to be branded over this piece. I still feel that the contents are hugely problematic. Like, BIG TIME.

      Devs have discussed the dark side of their attraction. They have wrenched the gristle and gore, deeply embedded imprints of shame, and they have splayed the charred underbelly on this website for the world to see and judge. However, (and I am drawing a distinction between coercive devotees) devoteeism is a victimless crime. Unlike, say...rape. Fuck it, maybe the impulse is sheathed in evil. We get turned on by tragedy. We are one lot of filthy wheelchair fuckers. Maybe the raging hard-on for non-consensual sex is a vile stain upon humanity. He who casts the first stone, am I right?

      Ruth said that "fictional people don't need consent"

      OK. They are not functioning, living beings who could be robbed of their autonomy. Agreed. They don't "need" consent, but I feel that their consent should remain intact, or those that rob them of this fundamental human right should face repercussions. What does this say to the reader?

      Don't tell me that the media we consume doesn't provide a cultural framework, a minute web of understanding and nuance that infiltrates our worldview. We very much live in a rape culture. A society that covers up, excuses, or otherwise shifts the onus of the blame to the victims. Where does this originate? I'm not a sociologist, but I believe that the ephemera of media plays a role in this. Rape is not exclusively performed by dread monsters, but often by people who do not understand or otherwise respect the unalienable law of consent. We are all clever adults who are adept enough to understand that this is a dark fantasy. You can call this fantasy, but don't pardon the actions of the protagonist.

    2. Man, this made me feel like an asshole like none of them girls could. But lets get one thing clear, it is not the dev stuff that made me upset but the rape stuff. I'm sorry though, I would feel judged if I were you.
      Learning learning learning...

    3. I almost pissed myself laughing..

  11. Maybe sending this story to Lee was a mistake. I make it a rule not to share a dark fantasy like this with an audience that cannot distinguish fantasy from reality, or that believes that approval of rape fantasies equates to approval of rape; I do not want to be responsible for encouraging some delusional person to do something despicable. Based on the response to my story, a number of readers do not believe that devotees can make the distinction between a rape fantasy and condoning actual rape.

    If there are any confused or delusional devotees reading this, let me be crystal clear: What was depicted in my story was a rape fantasy. Real-life rape of anyone, disabled or able-bodied, is a terrible crime. The vast majority of people who fantasize about rape do not wish for real-life rape and you should not misconstrue such fantasies as condoning the real thing.

    There are many, many mature online erotica communities that can understand the distinction between fantasy and reality, and can enjoy the former without condoning the latter. Maybe one day the Paradevo community will grow the fuck up and join them. Ciao.

    1. I like how even after multiple people have vocalized being cognizant of the differentiation between RAPE-PLAY and actual RAPE you still maintain this highly patronizing attitude that this audience "cannot distinguish fantasy from reality."

      Why don't you examine the tone of the passage. The treatment of the rape. Why are you casting blame upon an imagined shortfall of the readers? Perhaps they are justified? Perhaps the author of this story treated the incredibly delicate subject with complete abandon, totally cowing to his erotic fantasy. What was written in this story is a RAPE. I understand the intention of the story, it is unadulterated fantasy. That does not make the contents of the story rape-play.

    2. This has been a real learning experience for me. I admit I'm not always super forward thinking when it comes to things like this, but once it's pointed out to me a little more explicitly I can see others points of view. I can understand why certain people might prefer the lighter fiction, but after all this conversation I'm easing up on my initial reaction. I guess because most of my fantasies could translate into reality it was difficult for me to read this and not jump to conclusions. I feel pretty bad about writing the first negative comment to this w/out a real understanding, which is why I've been commenting so much since. Anyways, before I dig myself any deeper I'm gonna shut it, but thanks woodrow and everyone else who explained things in such a mature manner.

    3. The anonymous comment really illustrates Woodrow's point. You don't really think that when two people are doing rape play they are playing at *playing at* rape? They are acting out an actual rape, but it's just acting so it's not a crime.

      The actual physical act of rape is an "actual rape." It is a criminal offense. This is not a rape--it's a story. A fictional story or a game between two consenting adults is not an actual rape. I can't believe this needs to be said.

    4. How precisely does that illustrate Woodrow's point? Rape-play is consensual. Two individuals engaging in rape-play are acting out an actual rape. Consensually.

      "This is not a rape--it's a story. A fictional story or a game between two consenting adults is not an actual rape. I can't believe this needs to be said."

      I had to laugh at this. When did I articulate this was an ACTUAL rape? This story is eroticism. It is fiction. I think (I hope) that we can all agree that James raped Ethan in this piece. I think (I hope) we are all in accordance that consent was not addressed or given. By definition James' action was rape.

      Theoretically, I have no beef with rape when depicted in the context of fiction. Is it a dark portion of human psychology? I personally believe so. However, I feel strongly that the smothering or shaming of sexuality needs to be overcome. My point of contention resides in the fact that the issue was handled rather poorly within this story. I understand that the eroticism of rape is a niche sub-genre within erotica. Just because it is commonplace does not exclude it from being examined.

      Why is consent blacklisted from rape in erotica? Is it sexually cumbersome? Does it so severely intrude on the fantasy? Is consent something that can be sacrificed (even fictionally) for the sake of erotic fulfillment? What are the implications of the abandonment of consent? I do not know how to answer these questions, but I know they are extremely important.

    5. "When did I articulate this was an ACTUAL rape?"

      Yeah, where would I get that idea from the comments:

      "What was written in this story is a RAPE."

      "People can fantasize about rape-play without partaking in the abhorrent action of an actual rape."

      "actively raping or assaulting someone against their will is in a whole other ballpark entirely"

      Does it sound like a *story* is being described here?

      You should read Devogirl's link and educate yourself.

    6. Are you willfully misunderstanding me, or are your reading comprehension skills just this woefully abysmal?

      I also need to illuminate that though I have commented several times using the anonymous option, I am by no means EVERY anonymous poster on this thread.

      Given the mass of quotes you've accumulated, I take it you disagree that a rape took place within this story. When consent is not exchanged it is sexual abuse. We use the term rape to refer to this type of sexual abuse. Consent was not exchanged in this story. This story is fiction. A rape occurred in this piece of fiction. A fictional rape. Being an act of fiction does not preclude it from being considered rape.

      Why have you chosen to analyze pedantic subtleties and ignore the meat of the matter?

      Please do not misunderstand me. I am not condemning those who write, read, or otherwise enact rape fantasies. I personally believe that we all have a social obligation to evaluate the media we consume, to extract and evaluate malignant overtures that trickle into a social fiber and attain normalcy. You can enjoy things that are problematic. It is important that you acknowledge it is problematic, though. Parallels in regards to this concern can be drawn to many things. Parallels have already been drawn to devotees. Parallels can be drawn to pornography that brutalizes women. Do I think men that get off on the depiction of women being violently fucked allow this sexual preference to matriculate into their personal relations with the women around them? Not necessarily. Should these men carefully evaluate and consider the porn they watch, with the awareness that their actions (even indirectly) have the possibility of inflicting damage? Absolutely.

      The ethics of the exclusion of consent in erotica is a serious matter. The sexual repression of dark fantasies is a serious matter. I do not think there is a set of concise principles that seamlessly detail the treatment of either of these problems, but I feel it is a continual balancing act. I feel that it's perfectly justifiable to examine and highlight the problematic nature of this story BECAUSE there have been people who have reacted negatively to it. That negativity is not baseless. It is arrogant and irresponsible to dismiss their concerns.

    7. "Why is consent blacklisted from rape in erotica? Is it sexually cumbersome? Does it so severely intrude on the fantasy? Is consent something that can be sacrificed (even fictionally) for the sake of erotic fulfillment?"

      I don't understand what you're getting at here by "blacklisted". By definition, rape is a situation in which consent is missing. If you're suggesting every rape fantasy be written as a rape-play story between consenting partners, then yes, I think that intrudes on the fantasy in the same way that it would intrude on the fantasy to write every devotee story involving able-bodied pretenders. (That was, uh, kind of the point of my Part 3 above).

      If you're saying you would prefer a situation that starts out rough but ends with both parties consenting, I actually find that trope to be much more troubling than what I wrote, as far as broader social impact goes. To be honest, I think only a psychopath would read my story and think "Yes, this is something that I could do in real life." On the other hand, the idea that you can start out rough and basically force yourself on somebody and that it will all work out in the end is something that a certain type of delusional asshole might sort of believe, and might act on under the wrong circumstances. In many ways I think trying to dance around the issue does more harm than good. (Similarly, I think cutesy romantic stories about guys pursuing uninterested women until the woman finally falls for them encourages creepy stalkers).

  12. This is completely new fiction for me. I was definitely looking for part 3... now I feel like you just wrote it to satisfy all the outcries.

    Personally, I like seeing different stories posted. It's a shame all these comments only scare newbies. I've been on a the board awhile and remember reading a story about incest. You couldn't comment on the story but did remember reading a thread on it. I hope this doesn't discourage any future postings.

    This site doesn't endorse rape, it's a blog that contains "erotic and romantic stories featuring disabled male love interests".

    1. Don't worry, I don't think that was the real part three. I think he was just being cheeky. I hope the outcry won't prevent an actual part three.

  13. I repeat that the moderators support posting dark fantasies here, and I hope that Woodrow and other authors will continue to contribute.

    For those of you unfamiliar with the very common trope of rape or "non-con" in erotica, I encourage you check out this post:
    As well as this post by the same author, about why as a rape victim herself, she chooses to write rape fantasies:

  14. I hope you haven't been entirely chased off, Woodrow. We need a variety of stories here

  15. dark fantasies are fairly new to me. only read a couple. it was a bit uncomfortable at first, but oddly intriguing. so i kept reading.
    i'm not concerned about my new "discovery" because i know it won't work in real life.
    in real life i will find this deeply disturbing rather than arousing. just like while someone getting smacked by a falling piano is a funny idea in cartoon, it will scared the shit out of me if it ever happens in real life. i'll be traumatized.

    i guess what i'm saying is, if cartoon is ok, then so is dark fantasy.

  16. I'm intrigued by this story. Please write more?!