They kissed for a while, letting their hands explore each other until Trish seized a moment and pulled Shawn’s shirt over his head, ruffling his hair some and exposing his well-defined chest with the various tattoos showing and occupying her eyes for a moment.
She let her lips come down on his chest and her tongue travel over his pectorals, down to his belly. For Shawn the sensation of her kisses stopped right around the middle of his chest, and he was keeping his eyes on Trish to see where she was.
He let his fingers glide through the strands of her long hair and when he had a chance he pulled her T-Shirt up over her head, exposing a dark green bra covering two perfect round breasts. How often had he already looked at her breasts under her shirts, imagining what they looked like bare and now that he was at that point he became nervous about taking this any further.
He leaned back again and let Trish caress and kiss his upper body, her hands pulling through his hair and running down his cheeks where he caught her fingers and kissed them one by one.
Trish looked at him and smiled dreamily as Shawn took her fingers in his mouth.
She said softly, “I want you to take my pants off Shawn.”
He was caught off guard with the request and as much as he wanted to take her pants off, he became more nervous by the second.
Trish moved up some and Shawn managed to unbutton and unzip her jeans and then helped wriggle them over her legs and Trish let them drop to the floor next to the bed. Matching the color of her bra a pair of panties was now visible, a soft touch of lace around the waistband and Shawn couldn’t help scanning her body and thinking about how perfect she was.
Trish was fully focused on his chest, and arms, her tongue flicking over to his neck and when she reached his ears and let the tip of her tongue touch his ear lobes and behind his ears he felt a long lost sensation of arousal creep up.
It used to be such a different feeling though, being fully aroused and wanting to keep going, expecting his cock to get hard at a woman’s attention and anticipating the penetration to bring the woman and himself to climax.
None of this happened now and while Trish was busy suckling on his neck Shawn almost panicked as he scanned down the length of his body, his chest rising up and down quickly but no sign of an erection under his shorts. There was nothing but stillness from his chest down. He was tempted to bring his hands to his manhood and somehow maybe miraculously achieve an erection. He didn’t dare touch his hands down there though but had lost his focus on Trish and the moment.
As much as he wanted to stop right then and there he looked at her and saw how passionately and aroused she kissed and touched him everywhere and her gaspy breathing turned into soft moaning and as she came up to his face, she pushed her whole body over him again and looked at him, her face shiny and blotchy. He held her to him, trying to keep her from thinking about the lower parts of his body when she said in a whisper, “Shawn, you turn me on so much. I can barely hold back anymore. I am going to take your shorts off.”
Shawn shifted and took a couple of deep breaths, he really didn’t know what to do and he tried to find the right words to say to her.
Trish then just moved her hands to the waist band of his shorts and Shawn felt his heart beat even faster now as he watched how she pulled his shorts over his butt and down over his skinny legs. He was wearing some plain black boxers and he watched Trish’s face for any signs of expectation or digust or being turned off by his sleeping cock.
Trish though leaned back over him and let her lips touch his face with small kisses, seemingly not really expecting a reply from him but she merely continued with her caressing and loving him and his body.
Nervously Shawn let his hands glide softly over her back and for a moment he pondered if maybe his unhooking her bra and exposing her breasts would do anything for him in the erection department. He wanted to please her and he wanted nothing more than to be inside her but even when he finally unhooked her bra and admired her bare breasts nothing happened for him in terms of erection.
Trish didn’t seem to care about any of it and while Shawn’s thoughts were running wild around achieving an erection or not she kept pushing herself over him some more and when she pinned one of his legs between hers and let her pelvis mold into his hips, she fell into a rhythmic movement of her lower body and all Shawn could do was watch her kiss his chest and belly, suck on his nipples and see her ass move up and down as she pressed herself to him.
He tried to relax into the moment and laid back letting his thoughts settle and trying to focus back on Trish and what she was doing. He let his hands travel back down to her back and instead of letting him touch her, she took both his hands and pushed his arms down beside his shoulders, not letting him touch her as she looked up at him and moaned, “Shawn, you turn me on so much. I am about to come on you…”
He was speechless and not being able to move his arms and hands down to her, he just let her kiss and suck on his skin, while she was rubbing her pussy on his leg and slightly touching his privates he felt such an intense pain in his heart of not being able to enjoy this moment with Trish, not being able to be inside her and come with her that he felt his vision get blurry and couldn’t believe himself when tears streamed out of his eyes as Trish’s moaning turned more intense and she said his name several times under quick breaths while shock waves were racing through her body as she came on him hard and powerful.
Shawn looked up to the ceiling and could barely control his breathing and the pain he felt. He tried to keep his tears inside, panicking of an emotional break down with Trish apparently really enjoying the moment. He really wanted to scream of anger and disappointment and as much as he wanted Trish to be satisfied he hated the fact that all of this had been taking place with hardly any of his involvement and not being able to give Trish what she probably really wanted. Tears were still streaming out of his eyes and he wanted to move his hand up to his face to wipe the tears away before Trish would come to and look at him coming out of the exhaustion of her orgasm a moment ago. She still held down his hands though and with her head resting on his chest, her breathing becoming slower he felt like he was suffocating from the pain trying to eat him up on the inside.
As he exhaled he felt his chest tremble and eventually Trish moved on him and with small kisses on his chest she finally lifted her head some and looked at Shawn. Shawn didn’t want to meet her eyes, he kept looking at the ceiling and Trish let go off his hands. He brought his hand up to his eyes and she watched as he wiped over his eyes and her satisfied smile faded as she realized Shawn swallowing to contain the emotions that overcame him and were rushing out in a stream of tears.
Trish scrambled off Shawn quickly and her feelings of utter satisfaction and happiness stopped apruptly the moment she saw her boyfriend struggling in a whole different way.
His beautiful face was distorted from the pain and the tears pushing their way out, he covered his face with his hands and Trish moved up to him engulfed in worry, “Shawn, what is it?”
Shawn only shook his head, but the tears didn’t stop and he actually sobbed. Trish leaned over him and she took him in her arms and held him close to her, his face was now buried in her hair and neck as Shawn’s body gave in with trembling and shaking, his tears wetting her hair and her skin and she just held him.
Trish pulled the blanket up as they laid there, skin on skin, Shawn’s chest touching hers and all she could do is hold him as tears that had built up over a time span of two years came rushing out of him. Tears that had been building up as he had been trying his hardest to adapt to his new life, a life he had put on himself and a life that had been everything but easy since then. Now when he finally had a woman to love in his life again, the harsh reality of being paralyzed had once more hit him with full force, moments he had feared and had avoided since his final diagnosis of being a T-6 complete paraplegic. Being faced with the void in his life of satisfying a woman the common way had hit him with overwhelming force he had not really expected. He had still been in denial when it came to being the man he used to be and the man he was now. Since his new life this was the very first time he was with a woman in such an intimate way and now he felt empty and useless.
There was Trish holding him like a child in her arms as everything he had wanted to be for her seemed to fall apart in his head.
Instead of Trish being mad or shocked though she only said softly, “Shawn, I love you so much.”
She didn’t ask him any questions, she didn’t reprimand him, or walk away from him. She just laid there with him and let him feel she was there with him no matter what was happening.
Shawn’s heart though was anything but happy, he felt the world come down on him in these moments and as much as he wanted to be held by Trish the urge to push her away tried to overcome him. The urge to blow the whole thing off, live with his uncle until Jesse would return, push Trish out of his life and never ever see her again. It wasn’t what she had done on him in the previous moments of ecstasy, it was what he couldn’t do for her that made him rethink again why this wouldn’t work out. Trish could do better than him, better than Corey, probably even better than Jesse and he didn’t want to be the ball and chain keeping her down.
Unlike him she had plans for her life and it would be a good life and it would be a life that needed a capable man in it for her, not an unemployed, broke paraplegic who sometimes drank too much and didn’t have it together. She deserved better and Shawn tried to tell himself that he should have never let it come to this.
His tears slowed down and he didn’t want to look at Trish but she made him look at her anyways. His face was blotchy now from the crying, his dark eyes watery and shiny, and his bangs somewhat moist and stringy in his forehead.
Trish said softly, “Shawn, I love you. What can I do to make it better?”
He didn’t want to hear that. When he didn’t say anything she apologized in a stutter, “I am sorry about a while ago…you…I just…couldn’t hold back anymore. I am so sorry, I was wrong to do what I did.”
He didn’t want to hear that either. In a way it would have been easier for him if she would have just told him off and that she was out and would be leaving after the disaster they had created a little while ago.
Instead she apologized to him and Shawn knew he had to say something now. His voice was weak, “Trish, you have nothing to be sorry about. I am…I am so glad you were able…” He sighed, “…able to come. I am the one who should apologize for my sorry ass performance.”
Trish was alarmed to hear him talk like that, “Shawn, what are you talking about? No, it felt good and it was wonderful a while ago, I enjoyed being with you so much, feeling you on me and kissing and touching you. I knew you wouldn’t…”
She stopped, scanning Shawn’s face for any distress at what she was going to say. He looked at her unchanged and she continued, “I knew you wouldn’t be able to get an…an erection but I thought you enjoyed being with me like this too.”
She looked sad and Shawn explained, “It was…it was really good for me too. I enjoyed feeling you close and very much enjoyed seeing you come on me…I am sorry…for having a breakdown. I guess finally being faced with the other reality of this freaking injury, it kind of messed me up. I mean…I know…that stuff doesn’t work anymore…like it used to but I guess…” He stopped and took a deep breath until he finished, “I guess I was in denial and thought it would maybe still work. Well, that is clarified for me now.”
He sounded bitter and Trish stroked his cheek, “There are other ways of being together Shawn, we can do many other things. I know I should have stopped myself but it just overcame me a while ago. I am sorry, I will make it up to you.”
Trish was worried when Shawn didn’t say much anymore and he also didn’t tell her that he loved her.
Shawn’s tears subsided and almost like it was out of his system now he felt like he needed to be hard again. He didn’t want to think about his break down with Trish and how she had held him and how he had sobbed. He wanted to forget about that incident very quickly and he was ashamed about it.
That night as they sat over dinner they were quiet and Trish was feeling badly about what had happened earlier in the day. She had really assumed that Shawn was enjoying the moments just as much as she did. She had no idea that his mind had been very far away, preoccupied with not being able to have an erection during their moments of passion.
Shawn laid out on the couch when Trish was done in the kitchen and came over to the living room. He was watching the Sports channel and looked up at Trish when she came in.
Trish asked carefully, “Can I sit on the couch with you?”
Shawn shifted some to make room for her. He felt bad about the whole situation earlier too and pondering in his thoughts over the rest of the day he had decided that he wanted Trish with him, that she was all he really needed and that he would try to be the best man he could for her.
He answered, “No, you can’t sit on the couch with me, but you can lay on the couch with me.” With that he smiled at Trish whose facial expression turned from confusion to relieve.
Shawn held his arms open and Trish scrambled onto him and got comfortable with Shawn’s arm around her. Her head rested on his shoulder and he kissed her hair.
He turned the TV all the way down and started lowly, “Trish, about today…”
“I am really sorry about my break down and being absent minded a lot today. I just…it was painful for me to be confronted with the fact that…I can’t have sex the common way anymore. Part of me was so mad…and then you were able to…you know….” He took a deep breath, Trish listened to him quietly as he went on, “Part of me was just devastated because I want to please you and make you happy…but I know now that I have to find other ways when it comes to sex and all that.”
Trish played with the soft fluff of hair on his chest and replied, “It is not only you who has to do all of the work Shawn…I am in it with you. Together we will find ways to have sex and be happy with it. I think I should have kept myself in check today…but you turned me on so much when you were in your braces and I don’t know…I should have controlled myself.”
“No Trish, you shouldn’t have…it was good and it turned me on to see you turned on like that but the frustration kicked in when I realized there was no life in my boxers even though seeing you makes me crazy because you are so damned sexy and I think about all this stuff I want to do but now I know I can’t do these things. I kind of knew it all along…I mean I am not stupid but for some reason I thought with the right girl it would maybe somehow still work. I fooled myself and I didn’t want to face the truth about my injury and what it had done to my junk down there. I know now that it doesn’t matter who it is…it won’t work anymore and it is fucking hard to accept that.”
“We can still have sex and we will figure out what works best for us. I love you and that is all that matters.”
Shawn pulled her closer and kissed her hair again, then said lowly, “You are the right girl for me and knowing that I can’t make you happy in that way is hard for me. I love you so much and all I want is for you to be happy.”
“Shawn, you having an erection is not the thing that makes me happy. You the person makes me happy and I care so much about you and I can’t wait to explore yours and my sexuality together. You are all I want and need just the way you are.”
They fell into a loving kiss and Trish was relieved that Shawn felt better again. In a loving embrace they stayed on the couch, talking, watching TV until Shawn was getting tired and ready for bed.
Before Trish would come to bed she wanted to check something for her online class but she didn’t want to make Shawn wait for her and so it was about nine thirty when she sat on the edge of the bed and holding hands with Shawn as they got ready to say Good Night.
She leaned down to him, “Despite our situation today, it was still a good day and I enjoyed being at home with you, baby. We needed this and we needed to talk about these things so it was good. I love you so much Shawn. Sleep well and have a Good Night. I will try to be quiet when I come to bed. Just leave me some room to get in here.”
“I will and yes, it was a good day. Good Night. I love you and I really can’t imagine my life without you in it anymore, Trish.”
They kissed Good Night and eventually Trish walked out, hearing Shawn move over in the bed toward the wall so she could get in a little while later.
Trish checked some of her grades online and then went on her devotee message board checking what was new and after a few moments she decided to write to the girls about her and Shawn and what was going on:
“Hey girls, just wanted to check in with you guys. I am doing so good and I am so happy Shawn and I are a thing now. He is the hottest guy I have ever been with. I mean he is the perfect paraplegic man for me and I can’t get enough of seeing him in his wheelchair. Today he actually wanted to get into his RGO brace and OMG, I almost died. It was absolutely hot to see him that way, how the braces were on his legs and his arms in the forearm crutches, witnessing his attempts to walk some steps, I was so turned on that we actually ended up in bed together. He still has no idea about my being a devotee and how much I am attracted to his disability and the hardware that he needs. I am scared to tell him about Abasiophilia and what I am and what attracts me so much. He is hot nonetheless, even if he was still on his two legs, but the paraplegia is making it all so much better for me. He is still struggling with his disability but I vow to make it better for him and I will show him that he is the whole package for me, the real deal, paraplegic and hot, everything I ever dreamt about. I will post some pics soon. Love you guys, Trish”
She read over her message once more and clicked the send button when she heard a scratchy noise outside the front door. She froze on her chair and stared at the door, listening to the scratching some more. She took the broom from the pantry and slowly walked toward the door. The scratching stopped and she slowly turned the lock and knob to look out. Just when she opened the door a crack, Rocky the cat ran into the house and it scared her for a moment. They had let Rocky out earlier in the evening and had forgotten about him. Just to be sure Trish stepped out on the porch and looked out into the yard and she did see a raccoon in the distance by a tree. As it was far away and didn’t seem to care too much, she closed and locked the door again.
Rocky meowed around her feet and she cleaned out his bowl and gave him some fresh food, which he dove in as soon as she set the bowl down. Some fresh water completed the menu and then Trish was off to the bedroom.
She went to the bathroom once more and then soft footed snuck into the bedroom and carefully not to wake Shawn she climbed into bed next to him, covered herself and moving so close to him, she could smell his skin and feel his heat radiating to her she fell asleep.