First Weeks at Home
I had no idea just how helpless I really was. In the hospital there were so many nurses anticipating my needs and helping me. At home it’s just me and my mom and I feel bad asking her for help with so many things. I learned how to do some stuff with my feet like change the channel and type on my computer. I tried playing video games but that was kind of a disaster. Ive been going to rehab for 6 hours 3 days weeks. Although the wounds on my stumps are almost healed they are still very swollen. The swelling should be going down faster than it is. That means is going to take me even longer to get arms. Until then, I’m stuck with my mom feeding me like a baby because I’m not flexible enough to use my feet. I also need her to bathe me and change my catheter. At first I didn’t want to use a catheter. After having to walk up to your mom and say “mom I have to pee, can you please help me?” I changed my mind on the catheter real quick. It was pretty humiliating needing your mom to get your dick out, aim, shake, wipe and them put it away. Right then, I kinda wanted to die. She was constantly telling me things would get better but it was hard to see the silver lining. I had this sinking feeling I was going to be living at home for ever.
Money started to get tight until I got my settlement so my mom had to start picking up extra shifts at the diner. Less than a month after losing my arms I was going to have to spend a few hours in the house alone. I was both excited and scared as hell. My mom tried to get as many things ready for me as possible. She left the phone in a place I could reach it and set it to speaker. She also fed be a huge breakfast so I wouldn’t get too hungry and left me 4 bottles of water with straws in them on the counter. I couldn’t really pick them up but I could stand over them and drink when I needed water. She also left a PB&J sandwich on the counter. It will be really ugly but I can eat it by picking it up in my mouth. She only plans on being gone about 6 hours.
After she got me as settled as she could I nervously said goodbye. I walked around the house for a while and stopped in each room to think about what I could and couldn’t do. I realized I might be able to do my laundry. I picked up all my clothes with my foot and placed it in the basket. Then I kicked the basket to the machine and used my toes to put everything in the machine. Thank goodness both the machines were front load. The trickiest part was opening the detergent. I had to sit down and hold the bottle in between my legs and the use but stumps to spin the lid off. I was then able to grab the bottle with both stumps and my chin and pour it in the machine. The whole process took about an hour. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself.
I decided to play on my computer next. I chatted with friends and killed time for a while. . I started looking at YouTube video of people with no arms and it’s pretty amazing at what some people can do. It gave me hope and motivation to make the best of my situation. I think I need to start using my chin and neck better. After I grew bored of YouTube, I started looking at some porn. BIG MISTAKE! I was so damn horny and I could do a freaking thing about it. I hadn’t cum since before my accident so I decided to try. The first thing I had to figure out how to do was pull my basketball shorts down. Using my toes to pull the ends down I was able to pull them off. I was wearing one of those condom catheters and it came off with my shorts. Next I tried to figure out how to stroke my very hard dick. I tried to hold it in between my two stumps but they were about 3 inches two short. Next I moved to the couch and tried to get my feet around it. FAIL. For about 15 minutes I sat there naked from waist down and hard as rock with no way to fix either. I needed a cold shower. Tried taking my shirt off, I was in the middle of struggling with my shirt when I heard “can I give you a hand” It was Jackie, my next door neighbor. She was cute girl about my age and that did not help my raging boner. Apparently, my mom sent her to check on me.
Totally mortified asked her to help me shower. I said “ Can you turn on the water to cold, I can do the rest, I call you when I’m out. I can turn off the water with my stump”
I got in the shower and she closed the door most of the way. I put my head against the wall and let the cold water run over me. I could help but I have giant pity party for myself. I am a 30 year old man, I should be able to get myself off, how I am going to live with never touching my dick again. Plus who is going to want to fuck an armless man. I may never have another orgasm again. I wonder if I could get a hooker? I was so deep in thought I didn’t hear Jackie come back in.
Standing naked outside the shower she said, “You look like you could use a hand”
Not comprehending and a little hurt, I said “You think?”
Without another word she stepped forward and grabbed my hard dick. She started to stroke it slowly at first and then faster. After about 2 minutes I shot the biggest load of my life. All I could do was moan. I was so thankful.
“Jackie, that was amazing. Let me thank you”
“Jackie, that was amazing. Let me thank you”
“No need, I just wanted to help a friend. Let’s wash you and get you dressed. Your mom should be home soon”
I moved into my new room yesterday. They have a buddy program here and I was partnered with Jim, a high paraplegic. He isn’t what I would call warm and fuzzy but then again right now neither am I. I stay in my wheelchair until it’s time for bed. At dinner I watch as some of the attendants feed those who aren’t able to feed themselves. Jim is in the group, he hasn’t learned how to use his limited hand control yet. I am so grateful that is not me. I guess tomorrow as his buddy, I’m supposed to help him. I start to think about Eric, I almost start to cry but I hold it together. I wonder how is he is doing. I guess helping Jim will be good practice for helping Eric. After dinner I hang out in the “family area” and watch a bit of tv. I’m tired of sitting in the damn chair but I’m not strong enough to move myself so I’m stuck for now. At 830pm I head back to my room and a few minutes later a nurse comes into help me into bed. Since I can’t get out of the bed on my own the nurse asks would I prefer a catheter or a diaper. I wanted to control when I used the toilet so I said diaper. I had zero intention of using it. It took me a while to fall asleep but I finally did. I woke up a 5:30am and I had to pee so badly. I pushed the call button and said I really had to pee. I was told all nurses were busy at the moment and someone would come in the next 20 minutes. I couldn’t hold it any longer and I had to use the diaper. I was mortified, 28 years old and using a diaper. If that wasn’t motivation to regain mobility I don’t know what is.
After having a nurse help me shower and dress, I met with my Physical therapist Jake. Over the next 3 months he and I would spend countless hours together. He seemed nice enough but as AB I wasn’t sure he would be able to relate.
“So lets outline some goals, what do you want to get out of rehab?” Jake asked
The question took me back for a second, then I said “I want to be able to transfer on my own and be totally independent. I hated not being able to go to the toilet this morning”
“Do you want to walk with prosthetics”
“I do but I understand the reality. Insurance will cover a pair so I would like to try but my stumps are so short I’m not sure how useful they will be.”
“Let me see them” Then Jake gets up and looks and my stumps. Then he touches them and picks the left one up with both hands. No one has touched my stump like that before. It’s a very odd sensation, but its not bad.
After he finishes examining my stumps he says “You’re right, prosthetics are going to be a challenge but not impossible. For now we will focus on building the skills you will need for life in a wheelchair. Once the swelling goes down we can talk about walking. By the time you leave here you should be able to do most of the things you could do before the accident. It will just be different”
“that’s what I figured, where do we start?”
“We need to build your arm and core strength, you weight much less but you lost a lot of leverage”
Jake leads me through a grueling arm work out for the next 2 hours. In the afternoon we focus on ab work. I am so tired by the end of the day I almost skip dinner but then I realize I have to help with Jim.
Today was better than yesterday. We small talked for a bit and then discussed our injuries. He was in a bad car accident and severed his spine just below the shoulders. With some training he will be able to do things like feed himself but this is his first week in rehab. We kind of made a mess with dinner but by the time we go to desert we were much better.
That night when the nurse lifts me into bed at night I’m grateful. The next morning I was so sore I could barely push myself to the PT room. Jake took no pity and worked me just as hard again.
3 Month Post-Accident.
Without a doubt these have been the hardest 3 months of my life. Jessie thought we should take a break to focus on our rehab once we were both in a better place physically and emotionally we can try dating again. I think that might be the worst part of losing my arms was losing her. I get my arms in a few weeks and I really cants wait to use them. The issue with swelling has improved and I’ve gotten much better with my stumps. I can even brush my teeth and sort of eat with my feet. Most exciting thing is if I have an hour I can dress myself in gym shorts and a shirt. It really takes an hour though. I have been doing lots of flexibility training and that’s helped a lot.
It hasn’t all been terrible, a few things are returning to normal. My buddies Ethan, Dave and Dave’s sister Emma took me out to a bar to watch football and drink beer. Mine was from a straw but at least I could drink it myself. I don’t think I’m supposed to drink alcohol but it was so nice to be normal even if it was just for a few hours. I wore my teams jersey and I was glad that the short sleeves were long enough to hide the end of my stumps. I guess that part that wasn’t normal was that I needed help with the bathroom. It would take way to long for me to try and pull my pants up myself. I kept getting infections from the catheter so I had to ask for help or wear a diaper. Most of the time I learned to ask for help. I was going to need to ask for help with things for the rest of my life. Before I agreed to go Ethan said he would help me. He also promised he would keep it between us. I really appreciated that. His brother was a paraplegic so he’s had some experience caretaking.
During halftime the conversation turned to girls and sex. We listen to Dave tell us about this hot Cuban chick he’s been sleeping with. Dave is the player of the group. Ethan fills us in on wedding planning with Becky.
I gave them the update on Jessie. I see her once a week or so at rehab. We even got coffee in the café last week. I was glad we didn’t go to eat. I wasn’t ready for her to feed me, but drinking out of straw is no problem. She seems to be coping reasonably well. She will be done with rehab soon and will be moving back in to our place really soon.
Then out of the blue Dave being the ass that he asks “ How do you stroke your dick with no hands” I nearly spit out my beer and it starts coming out my nose.
As Ethan wipes my face he says “Come on asshole you can’t just ask him that”
“Why the hell not, it’s a good question” Dave retorts
“No no its fine. That was the first thought I had after I found out. The truth is I really can’t. I want to so badly especially since my stumps are fully healed but I just can’t reach. I tried using my feet but that didn’t work either. I got so desperate I was looking for warm apple pie” I kinda forgot Emma was there. Unlike her brother she is very quite.
“Oh shit man” the boys say in unison “ That awful”
“Maybe I can convince Jessie to help a guy out” I say and laugh
After the game Emma drove me home since she lived around the corner.
My mom was still at work so she walked me in and wanted to make sure I didn’t need help with anything. Although I think I can handle it on my own but its nice to know there is someone to help. Its almost impossible for me to take of my shirt so I asked her if she could help me change my shirt.
She took off my shirt and went then she started taking off my pants. I tried to tell her that I could do that myself. Taking my pants off is easy, putting them back on is another story. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Then she said “ Let me help a guy out” I knew I should say no but its been three months and its not like I could do it myself. She started to pull down my pants and boxers together.
She stepped back and I thought she was changing her mind but instead she took off her shirt. Her breasts are perfect. Round and soft and they look so kissable. I want to grab them and touch them. I reach out but I’m way too far away. I take a step towards her and give a soft kiss on the lips. It’s the only way I could get close enough to touch her breasts. It weird touch breasts with stumps, I can’t grab or squeeze them, all I can do is push at them. I decide my mouth will be better. I take the right nipple between my teeth and pull on it. She gasps and then pulls away.
“lay on bed” She commands with such authority I do it immediately
“lay on bed” She commands with such authority I do it immediately
Im laying on my back and she kisses my mouth, then my neck , then down to my collar bone. She is slowly kissing her way down my body. It torture but wonderful at the same time. I reflexively try to push her head down to my dick with no luck. I lie there patiently waiting for her to get to my most sensitive parts.
Once she is there she takes all of me. It only takes her about 2 minutes before I start coming hard. Very hard. I went to try and help her out but she said that all she wanted to do was make me cum. I think I just had my first pity blow job, I’ll take it.
I can’t believe how far I’ve come in 3 months. My arms look awesome! I am now pretty much a self-sufficient as I’m ever going to be. In my room I tend to sit on my butt and swing my stumps between my arms to move. I can also take a few steps on my stumps before I fall over. I think the thing I am most impressed with is I can now do full body push ups. My stumps are in the air behind me and I can bend down and up with just my arms. Ok enough bragging.
I move back into my apartment next week. Im terrified. Ive been putting off my trips outside the clinic. I feel so safe in here and I’m scared of what the real world will bring. My childhood Zack is in town and has insisted we go out. He got a hotel in city and says we are doing it right. Zack was kind of like my brother growing up. He always looked out for me. Zach picked me up at 5 pm on Friday.
“Wow Jessie, you look great!”
“Great for someone with no legs” I retort
“No! You have always been hot and that hasn’t changed. I expected to find you weak and timid, but damn girl you look down right sexy”
I’m not sure what to say so I just say thanks
An hour and half later we are at the hotel in the city. We check in and Im a bit frustrated we are not in an accessible room and they don’t have any available. I can maneuver around the room alright but there is no way I can get my chair in the bathroom. I’m still self-conscious about scooting around out of my chair with people who haven’t seen me like this. We quickly change and head out to dinner.
I’m not used to all the stares. People aren’t used to seeing a young woman with no legs. I know it’s my job to put people at ease but it’s still hard. Our table is towards the back and I have a hard time navigating there and I keep bumping things. Zach moves the chair out of the way and I finally pull into safety.
At dinner Zach proceeds to get me drunk and then convinces me to go dancing. I try and tell him I can’t dance without legs.
“Bullshit! You can shake your hips and use your arms”
He’s right, I can kinda dance. A slower song comes on and he picks me up out of my chair. We are now eye to eye and with my arms wrapped around his next and his arms hold my ass to keep me from falling. It is a very intimate position. Before I knew what was happening we were frantically kissing. We surfaced for a minute and Zach whispered “ Do you want to go back to the hotel?” I all I can manage is a husky “yes” He puts be back in my chair and we head back.
I don’t think we are back in the room 2 minutes before he picks me up and pins me against the wall. Before I can even catch up breathe he is inside me rough and hard. I come within 2 minutes and he is not far behind me. For a minute we just stay there unable to move. I start to get nervous that he is going to drop me but he doesn’t. He gently sets me down on the bed.
“I’m sorry I was so rough, I was dying to do that since I saw you roll up. “
“it’s ok. Its nice to know I can still be sexy with no legs”
“ You are the sexiest person I have ever met and I love you little stumps”
That freaked me out. Can someone really be turned on by my stumps? I need to go to the bathroom and shower but I wasn’t sure how to accomplish that. I was going to need help and I didn’t like asking but I had no choice. My chair was on the other side of the room and the bed was super high.
“I need to use the bathroom, can you help me to the floor. I think I’m going to take a shower too”
“I can do better than that, let me take you to the bathroom” With that he scoops me up and places me on the toilet.
“I can manage from here, I’ll shout if I need you” He agrees and walks out.
I do my business and get of the toilet. I scoot to the giant bath tub. It’s a very beautiful and grand tub, which also means I can’t make it in very easily. Since I was still a little drunk I figure I better ask for help.
“Zach! I can you help me into the shower” I yell.
He opens the door naked and says “ Sure, only if I can join you” I agree.
I hate sitting on the floor of the bathtub. Im having hard time getting the soap out of my hair but I am the perfect height for a blow job. As his dick brushes by my face I start to lick it. Then I start sucking. Just before he is about to come he lifts me up. Again I am eye contact. We have a repeat performance of earlier but in the shower. I am a bit nervous because I could so easily fall but it feels too good to stop. After we both come he helps rinse the soap and then puts me on the bed with a towel.
He passes out immediately and I lay awake for some time. I start thinking about Eric. I can’t believe I slept with another man. I know I just did it to prove to myself that someone would find me desirable but that’s a terrible reason.
I decided I would ask Zach to take me back tomorrow. I don’t want to sleep with anyone other than Eric! I’m going to ask him to coffee next week. Its time for us to start finding our way back to enough other.
4 Months Post-Accident
I was so excited to get my arms so the day fell short of my expectations. I had this picture in my head I would put on the arms and my life would return to normal in 5 minutes. In my heart I knew that wasn’t going to happen but I couldn’t let go of the dream. I got to the prosthetics office early Monday morning last week. Tom, the prosthesis pulled out a brand new pair of hooks. I knew I was getting hooks and I saw other people’s hooks but there was something very different about seeing your own. They were so ugly. I’m not a vain guy but looked like something out of a scary movie. Tom fits them on me and I stand in front of the mirror. This is going to be my new look. I’m never getting laid again
After Tom adjusts some of the cables he teaches me how to move them. It’s way harder than I expected. I can either lift my arm or open the hooks. At this point I think I’m better off without prosthetics. I start rehabs with my hooks tomorrow. Tom suggested I wear them the rest of the day so I can get used to them.
As soon as I get home I’m ready to take these hooks off. They are hot and heavy and I feel like I can do even less. My mom refuses to take them off until after dinner. Its things like this that really piss me off about being armless. I should be able to do what I want when I want. I almost felt trapped with the hooks on. My mom had to feed me again since I couldn’t make the arms work right. I had gotten pretty good at eating with my stumps. I can eat with my feet but it really grossed my mom out. She didn’t like dirty feet at the table.
After about 2 weeks of PT I’ve gotten better with my prosthetics. I would say it’s a love hate relationship. My biggest accomplishment was dressing followed by eating. I can now pull up my pants and use the zipper. I had to get my pants modified with Velcro and a ring on the zipper but it felt like a huge step. I can now fully go to the bathroom on my own. It takes me a few minutes but I get pull my dick out and even aim it with my hook. I still can’t really jerk off but at least I can pee on my own. I do get depressed about not being about to jerk off. A hook just isn’t enough. My mom is making me join a support group for recently injured men and I wonder if anyone will have any good suggestions. I’m seriously thinking I may need to hire a hooker.
I saw Jessie the other day and she looked great. I could barely control the growing bulge in my pants She was happy to be out of rehab and adjusting to living on her own. I asked her out to dinner and she actually said YES! I’m so excited. She suggested we order in at eat at her place since neither one of us is 100% comfortable in public. I hope this is the beginning of us getting back together and if it’s not I hope we have one last roll in the hay J