Saturday, November 29, 2014


Marian blinks as a drop of sweat falls from his brow, landing on the beige leather of the couch in front of him, forming a wet, glittering patch.


Marian startles when he hears Aaron’s voice behind him, sounding casual as if he has just walked in after work, asking what is for dinner.

“G-green,” Marian answers, his voice shaking slightly with every muscle in his body.

Aaron had asked if kneeling was okay. When they have had that talk. He had asked about all positions Marian could ever think of and then some more.

That word alone makes Marian shudder with warm pride. He whimpers as his back cramps at the subtle motion, pain shooting up his spine, and he almost loses his balance and tips forward against the couch he is facing. It is directly in front of him, so close he could stretch his hand out and touch it, brace himself against it and lean into its softness instead of remaining on his knees that have stopped screaming at him only a few minutes ago. He does not feel the carpet under his kneecaps anymore. The pressure shooting up his thighs is barely noticeable with his legs numb from holding that position for much longer than he should.

It feels good, now, although he knows it is anything but. He is going to pay for this a hundredfold.

And it is still worth it.

“How much longer can you do?” Aaron asks, keeping his distance.

Marian cannot see him from where he is kneeling and he does not dare to try and turn to look. His balance is shit as it is and he has no idea what his body will do when he moves now, so he does not.

How much longer?

Marian knows that question and the answer: as long as Aaron requires him to. All he manages is a half-swallowed gasp, though.

Aaron steps up next to Marian, his naked toes curling into the long threads of the carpet. He rakes his fingers through Marian’s sweaty hair and the kneeling man melts into the touch, moaning with a shudder.

“You’ve misbehaved,” Aaron says, his voice without emotions, and withdraws his hand.

Marian nods quickly, swallowing. Oh yes, he knows he deserves this. The spot where Aaron’s hand has been, tingles, and he yearns for it to return.

“You’ve been punished.”

Marian nods again.

“It’s over. You can stand now.”

It is as if someone has cut the strings that keep Marian upright. One second he is kneeling ramrod straight in front of Aaron’s couch, the other he has collapsed into a heap on the carpet, panting out air. He coughs drily when he inhales the dusty scent from deep within the carpet and as the strain on his muscles lifts, the pain comes back twice as strong, blinding white.


Marian does not want to gasp out loud but he cannot help it, not when his body feels like it is ripping itself apart, his muscles shaking themselves free of his bones. He does not think his legs have ever been that tight, and that says something.

Aaron hisses through his teeth, his footsteps advancing fast. “Jesus Fucking… I should have known you’d do that,” he murmurs, his voice changed from before. He kneels down next to Marian, one hand touching Marian’s burning forehead, the other fluttering over his twitching body, desperately searching for a way to soothe the ache. “I knew you would completely overdo it. Fuck… Oh shit, shhh… It’s okay, Marian. It’s okay.”

Marian hiccups and realized he is actually crying into the carpet, wet trails of tears mixing with the sweat in his face.

“You’ve done so well, baby, everything is fine.” Aaron’s voice is low, reassuring and Marian finds himself believing him. “You took it so well, you’ve been very brave. It is over now, okay?” Aaron pulls Marian's head into his lap, stroking over his hair.

Marian swallows the tears down, focuses his mind on Aaron’s presence, his half-naked figure crouching over him, his cool fingers rubbing over his calf, tracing a repeated pattern in his skin. Bit by bit Marian pushes the pain into a space where he knows it has been before, until it is barely more than a constant buzz in the back of his mind. With immense effort he forces control over a body that has always been rebelling against being controlled.

He succeeds.

“G-Green,” he whispers. “Green, green, green.”

As long as he can do this, he knows he is okay.

Aaron lets out a whistling breath, his stiff posture relaxing. “We need to talk about this,” he says. He does not sound happy, but when he smooths back Marian’s sweaty hair, his fingers are gentle. “We fucking need to talk about this.”

Marian nods and shudders again violently, craving to be touched. “Please…”

“Please what?”

Marian swallows. “P-please… please. Fuck me.”

Aaron stops tangling his fingers into Marian’s hair. “I don’t know if this is a good idea now, Marian.”

“Please!” Marian cries out hoarsely.

Aaron looks at him, eyes narrowed.

Marian’s hands tighten around Aaron’s knees. “I’m g-good, I swear. I… this… is n-not… I need you. Now. D-don’t leave me like that.”

Aaron sighs, drawing one hand over his face that is sweaty now as well. He knows Marian is right. “Okay… so… okay. We are going to talk about this?”

Marian nods.

“Good. Then yes.”



Marian almost sobs at that. God yes.

Aaron sighs a bit. “But not here. Bedroom.” Aaron shifts, Marian’s head sliding from his lap. “Can you get up?”

Marian tentatively checks his limbs. His hands have been behind his back all the time, his shoulders are a bit stiff but his wrists and elbows do not hurt more than they normally do. With his hands on the ground he pushes himself up into kneeling again, shaking. His back is murdering him. And his legs are running wild with crazy tingles now that the blood is circulating again.

“Hmm…” he makes, not willing to articulate his discomfort in more detail, clinging to Aaron’s offered underarm as he tries to stand up with his knees glued together.

“Careful,” Aaron warns, catching Marian around the waist as he falters, his legs buckling before he has straightened them entirely. Or as much as they will do anyway. “Do you need-”

Marian snarls at him and Aaron’s hands fall away at once.

He can do this. He has been doing it for his entire life.

It is incredibly difficult. Marian has felt similar to this, after exceptionally grueling physical therapy sessions, shakier and more disconnected to his limbs than ever before in his life, but he has never been in this much pain. He braces one hand on the wall, holding himself upright against the trembling, each step more haphazardly and uncoordinated than the one before, his heels never touching ground. Every time he connects with the floor, white spots start dancing in front of his eyes. He has barely crossed half the room before his knees give out again.

Aaron’s arms sling around him from behind, miraculously keeping him from falling.

The taller man growls short-tempered. “Tell me what you need. Now.” Aarons turns this into an order instead of forcing Marian into surrendering to his limitations. He knows this is the only way to get his stubborn boyfriend to accept help. He does not dare suggesting to carry Marian, although it would be faster and easier on them both. There are limits for Aaron as well.

In the end Marian lets Aaron assist him with walking to the bedroom adjacent to the large living room, but only reluctantly. The tall man props the smaller one up at the waist, one arm slung around his back, which is all physical support the other will accept. Aaron talks Marian through the motions, reminding him of every movement required to complete a single step. It helps hearing the other man’s voice, feeling it resonate in the body he is leaning against. Marian lets Aaron worry about breaking the complex task of walking down into small portions and he knows that he can do them as long as he focuses on every single part separately.

“Almost there,” Aaron whispers into Marian’s hair. “You’re doing so well.”

Marian smiles at the praise and doubles his efforts, forcing his left leg forward against the pull in his thigh and hip, hissing when the knee protests as he shifts his weight onto it to be able to free his right leg. The right is his better one, the foot is only turned in a bit and his hip moves more freely, Marian’s shin connecting with the bedframe when he miscalculates just how far he can reach with one step.

Aaron relaxes his hold on him, and Marian lets himself tip forward, pivoting, knowing he will land safely on the high, soft mattress.

“Clothes,” Aaron says.

He does not need to lift his voice to make Marian flinch into action. Marian twists around to turn onto his back, his stubborn legs following slower, the left needing to be called to attention with a short tug at the fabric around his knee. Buttons are a challenge, as always, and as always Aaron does not try to help but watches with a guarded face. Marian is not sure if the other enjoys seeing him struggling or hates it, he is not sure if the occasionally awe peeking through the cracks in Aaron’s mask is a product of his own imagination or not because he would rather expect to see disgust there.

Marian’s fingers fumble around the small buttons and zipper on his pants for ages, hands shaking with the time it takes and the strain it puts on his entire body as he fights to keep his head up to be able to look at where his hands and fingers are trying to open the zipper. Finally he pushes his jeans over his hips and down, pulling his pants together with his socks over misshapen feet and throwing the clothes over the edge of the bed to join his shirt on the floor.

“Good,” Aaron whispers hoarsely and Marian stills, watching as the other man climbs over him slowly.

Aaron has loosened his tie and opened the buttons on his own shirt in no time, long fingers nimble and sure. He has been naked for hours before the skype conference, only clothing again up from his waist for that occasion, without allowing Marian to touch, telling the other to keep kneeling while he was talking to the screen. Aaron’s cock is erect and bobbing against his stomach as he moves to throw his clothes to the side, straddling Marian slowly.

Marian whines in his throat, both at the sight of Aaron’s hard cock and the roaring want inside himself.

“Mmmh…” Aaron’s hands tenderly frame Marian’s face. One finger trails down Marian’s cheek and along his jaw, over the jumping Adam’s apple and the jutting collarbone. Marian’s breathing speeds up, hitching in his throat. His gaze is fixed on Aaron over him, his eyes pleading. The finger slides over each rib on the left side of Marian’s heaving chest and dips into the soft patch above his hipbone.


Aaron hooks his thumbs under the waistband of Marian’s boxers, pulling them off. He scoots to the end of the bed and the smaller man cringes as Aaron’s warm hands close around his feet, massaging their crooked shape, carefully straightening toes that fold over each other.

Ugly, ugly, ugly! A voice screams inside Marian’s head, wanting him to curl in on himself, hug his knees to his chest and completely sink into the soft mattress.

“Shhh…” Aaron soothes, kisses each toe with such deliberation and tenderness that Marian shudders in his bones and wants to start crying again.

“You are so incredibly beautiful.” Aaron’s gentle hands follow the raised lines on Marian’s shins up to his knees, cupping the aching joints. “You are so immensely brave.” A fingernail scrapes over hot skin. “Don’t ever hide from me again.” One hand closes around Marian’s neglected cock, squeezing lightly, and Marian gasps.

Oh god, god, god, yes!

Within a second the hand is gone again, leaving Marian writhing in the sheets and gasping, begging for more. Aaron manipulates Marian’s legs carefully, bends his knees and pulls them in his lap to secure them in a more comfortable position. He knows Marian does not prefer lying flat on his back. The pads of his fingers caress the tender skin on the underside of Marian’s thighs, shudders rippling through the man.


“What do you want, baby?” A finger ghosts over Marian’s entrance, teasing.

“P-please…” Marian squeezes his eyes closed, grinding his teeth with exasperation.

“Tell me what you want,” Aaron insists. “Come on, use your words.”

Marian’s hands twitch, longing to follow the urge to touch himself, which would be easier, so much easier, than talking.

“Don’t,” Aaron says calmly and Marian’s reaching hand flinches back. Aaron weighs Marian’s balls in his palm, humming and watching Marian shaking like a leaf below him, then sighs. “God, look at you… Beautiful. So hot and perfect… How could I ever keep my hands off you?”

Marian whimpers.

“You are so eager for it, aren't you?” Aaron strokes with one hand over Marian’s hipbone, with the other along the underside of his legs, causing them to tighten and spasm in his lap. Marian cries out and Aaron stills him by returning one hand to his entrance again, scraping his fingernail over the puckered skin.

Marian shudders, his cock twitching and leaking a single drop of precome onto his stomach. “Ah…!” He attempts to say something, words slurring together.

“What is it? I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” Aaron smiles softly, only partially teasing the other.

Marian presses his lips closed, trying not to focus on Aaron’s finger tracing his rim, torturously. “In-inside…” he manages to growl out relatively clear, his jaw clenching shut unbidden as arousal tightens his muscles at the thought alone, his tongue slow and thick in his mouth.

“Everything you need, baby.”

Aaron holds Marian’s knees with one hand and props them up with a stack of pillows before moving over him to grab the bottle of lube on the nightstand. Marian watches him with drooping eyes, the tall man’s body stretching gracefully and Aaron’s muscles playing effortlessly beneath his smooth skin.

Aaron returns to his task before Marian can cry out in protest against having to wait much too long, one finger circling Marian’s entrance, slick and cold. “Want to make you feel so happy, because you make me feel so happy,” Aaron whispers hoarsely, stroking with his other hand over Marian’s quivering belly. “I’ve never been so… been so… whole in my life as I am with you. I want to look at you forever, I want to always be able to touch you, always. I promise I will take care of you, I am yours, whatever you want I— I  am going to give it to you, I am going to do everything you want me to. I won’t let you fall again.”

Aaron dips the tip of his finger into Marian and the smaller man’s breathing stops for a moment, only to return in rapid pants, crooked fingers digging into the mattress and muscles clenching around the finger in him.

“How does it feel?”

“M-more,” Marian begs.

“Yeah?” Aaron grins and pushes gently, feeling muscles give way reluctantly.

“Fuuuck…” Marian shudders and presses the palms of his hands over his eyes.

“Look at me,” Aaron demands, chuckling warmly as Marian follows the order immediately. “Well done. You like that?”


“How does it feel, huh?”

“G-good… ah!” Marian sucks in air through his teeth and whimpers. “Shit, so… good.”

Aaron starts moving his finger in and out, adding more lube to the spot where his finger vanishes into his boyfriend’s ass. Marian moans loudly.

“God, you are so hot like this. So open for me, so needy.”

Marian’s breath accelerates to near-hyperventilation.

Aaron moves his finger faster, twisting the erect nub of Marian’s right nipple, making him gasp. “So good for me.”

Marian moans high-pitched, his eyes fluttering shut before they fly open again as he remembers, obediently fixing on Aaron.

“You want to touch yourself?” Aaron purrs.

“Yes, p-please.” Marian’s hands move to his cock but Aaron swats them away, smiling.

“Did I say you could?”

Marian stares at him, then shakes his head, his throat clenching around a whine.

“Right, I didn’t.” With his finger still inside Marian, Aaron lifts his other hand, wrapping it around Marian’s base, not stroking. “Your cock is so hard… Shit…” Slowly, Aaron moves his hand up a bit. “Fuck… you are so close, aren’t you? Have been for a long time? All those time kneeling outside, hearing my voice through the wall?”

Marian mewls, his spine arching. “Yes…”


“Yes, yes, yes. Please… A-Aaron…”

Aaron lets go of Marian’s cock, ignoring the protest. “Another?”

Aaron takes his time adding one more finger, slowly aligning it with the other, testing Marian’s limits thoroughly. Marian bites his lips and whimpers, his arms flailing and hands trying to grab hold of something, of anything, only narrowly missing his own erect cock, leaking neglected onto his stomach.

“Nothing of that,” Aaron growls, catching both of Marian’s wrists and holding them together and up over his head with one hand, not stretching the other’s arms farther than what he knows is still comfortable for him. Aaron’s two fingers fuck in and out of Marian’s hole, lube dribbling out of it with every time.

“Want you to come on my fingers. Think you can do that?”

Marian moans hoarsely, his eyes rolling around feverishly before settling onto Aaron’s again.

“Think you can come just from my fingers fucking into your beautiful hole, baby? Without touching your cock? Look at it. Look at how it is begging to be touched, leaking all over yourself. I could wrap my hands around it, I could stroke it like you love it, hard and fast. How is that? Or… I could suck you off, how about that, huh? But I don’t think I will.”

Marian makes a high sound in the back of his throat, throwing his head into the pillow. His hips jerk up in tiny motions he seems not to be able to suppress, his cock bobbing back and forth.

“Exactly like that, baby, fuck yourself on my fingers, can you do that?”

Marian whines and adds conscious effort into the motion, his hips snapping up and down harshly, pushing onto Aaron’s finger without much rhythm. Marian’s legs are cramping and the shaking grows worse in Aaron’s lap and he does not get enough leverage to truly fuck himself on Aaron’s fingers but it does not matter. Aaron wonders briefly if it hurts, watching spasming muscles in his lap and wishing there was anything for him to do against it.

“You are so damn hot like this, Marian,” Aaron rasps, canting his own hips up to rub his cock along Marian’s thighs in his lap. “So hot, turning me on so much. Going to come soon as well.”

Marian mumbles something, biting his lips raw. “W-w-w-w…” He stops the stutter with a growl.

“Try again, baby?”

Marian shakes his head, his eyes hard on Aaron. “Yellow,” he snaps and weakly tugs at the hands trapped above his head.

Aaron lets go of him at once.

Marian gasps and swallows, inhaling to speak but then he shakes his head again. He circles his flat hand over his chest repeatedly and makes grabby motions with both hands, palms turned up, followed by a sign tipped in Aaron’s direction that the other does not recognize.

“What do you want, Marian? Tell me.” Aaron removes both of his fingers, waiting patiently for Marian to shake himself down from his high.

“C-come,” Marian wheezes, barely able to look at Aaron long enough, his hands clenched into the sheets. “A-a-a-and w-w-want to make you come. Please.” The way he asks, it sounds like he barely believes he will be granted the request.

Aaron almost blacks out from the sudden arousal that washes over him. He tugs with his now free hands at his own rock-hard cock, a deep moan rolling over his lips at the sensation.


“Yeah… yes, of course, baby…” Aaron says, head cloudy and hunched over. “I… Yes…”

Aaron leads Marian’s hand to his own cock, cupping the other’s palm for the first faltering strokes, until he has found a rhythm. It is not perfect. Marian’s hands and arms are not affected the same way as his legs, but the muscles are still tighter than what would be normal, the movement rougher. His technique is less refined and the twist at the tip lacks skill entirely, but it feels so fucking wonderful that Aaron fears it will be over much too soon. He pushes both of his fingers back into Marian’s hole, making the other’s body jolt and the man gasp in surprise and need.

“Please, please, please,” Marian chants, writhing beneath Aaron, and throws his head from one side to the other. Aaron subtly changes his angle within him and suddenly Marian is howling in pleasure.

“Jesus…” Aaron chokes through clenched teeth, close to his own release himself. “Marian, baby…” He jabs his fingers that same way into Marian repeatedly, hitting that bundle of nerves over and over again, the other’s body seizing and jolting non-stop now. “God, look at you, look at you…”

“I want… I want…” Marian sobs drily, his hand around Aaron’s cock stuttering and seizing. “Please, so c-close, so close, I c-can’t…”

Aaron fucks up into Marian’s fist, the tip rubbing against Marian’s trembling thigh ever so often, making Aaron moan. “I know you can, just a bit… just a little longer. I'm so proud of you,” Aaron pants, chasing his own orgasm in Marian’s hand.

Marian shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut, a tear running down his cheek. His cock is red and swollen on his stomach and his free hand fists into the sheets at his hip, knuckles white with the force it takes to keep himself in check. Aaron realizes what a mess Marian has become, that he does all of this to please him, and at that thought he comes and spurts over Marian’s fingers, crying out surprised, humping Marian’s hip to work himself through it as the other’s fingers fall away limply.


Marian’s voice is barely more than a whisper.

Aaron blinks through the haze of post-orgasm, his fingers moving lightning fast in and out of Marian still. Marian looks at him, lying still with pain contorting his features and for a moment Aaron cannot place it until-

“Yes. God, yes. Come. Come for me. Please.” Aaron looks into Marian’s face, nodding.

Marian gasps and his body jolts, his spine arching and his legs freezing in spasms, his cock spurting ropes of come over his stomach, untouched, pulsing freely while Aaron continues to attack Marian’s prostrate. Marian’s orgasm lasts for such a long time, Aaron is not sure he is not actually seizing, until the other starts to come down and then squirms, over-sensitized. Aaron stills his hand and slowly removes his fingers with great care.

Marian’s eyes flutter and reveal tiny slits but do not open. His head has fallen back and his chest, glistening with sweat and come, is the only part of his body that is moving.

Aaron rakes his fingers through the mess on Marian’s belly, lifting them to his lips to taste him. He cups Marian’s chin with the clean hand, tracing the line of his smooth jaw with his thumb.


Marian does not answer, save for a low rattle in his chest.

“You’ve been so amazing, Marian, so great,” Aaron whispers, carefully lying down behind Marian and tucking Marian’s back against his own chest, pressing the other’s burning hot body against his. He strokes Marian’s hair with slow motions so as not to startle the smaller man. Marian’s legs fall parallel to Aaron’s as his body is moved, limp and pliant like the rest of him, so unusual with his condition.

“So damn wonderful, so beautiful, so smart, so strong, so good, oh god, so good, much better than I’d ever deserve it. I love you, baby, I love you, I love you.”

The low voice mumbling against his ear slowly pulls Marian out of the haze. He registers the whiff of breath on his cheek, the soft fingers playing with his hair, massaging his scalp, everything distant and slow as though he experience it through thick smoke. Marian feels empty and full at the same time, warm and sheltered and save, and he exhales against the gentle pressure of Aaron’s arms around his chest.

“Are you okay?” Aaron whispers near his ear, his lips moving on the skin at Marian’s neck.

Marian tries to clear his throat but finds it choked with dryness and realizes that speaking is impossible with how tired he is, too tired to convince his stubborn tongue to wrap around words. His right hand twitches into a fist, nodding at his side.

“Good,” Aaron murmurs quietly, peppering slow kisses down Marian’s upper arm, goosebumps blossoming. “Good.” 


  1. Love it! Btw, I write some stories of my own, and I've been thinking about doing one on CP - if you're open to it, I'd love to try and collaborate on something :)

    1. Thanks! Sounds super interesting, I'm definitely open to collaboration. Just shoot me an email :)

  2. That was super hot...

  3. Very, very hot. Wow, I need a cold shower.

  4. Holy sheet, Lovis, where were you and your fiction when I was young and sexually confused? :P This is INCREDIBLE.

    1. Haha, Rowan, this had me laughing so much =) Thanks!