Trish and Shawn are back at home after their outing and both are trying to deal with what had happened at the lake. Feelings of wanting to be close are overpowered by fear and anxiety of being in each others presence.
at the house Trish parked her car close to the ramp so Shawn was able to just
get out and into his chair to wheel up the ramp.
to be back in the safety of his own place Shawn dropped his backpack into a
corner by the door. Even though he had enjoyed the outing at first, being out
in the sun, by the lake and surrounded by nature and people, it had also been
exhausting. He needed to drain his bladder and wheeled to the bathroom.
called after him, “You want some coffee Shawn?”
hoped he would ask her if he needed help, but then again she knew he had a
problem with accepting that she was there for him. She felt horrible about the
outburst she had had in the car. It had not been Shawn’s fault but she had lost
her cool and let her anger and pain out on him. It wouldn’t surprise her if he
would tell Jesse about it and maybe blow off the whole arrangement.
really needed to talk to him again. The moments with him at the lake had
excited her so much. Shawn was attractive to her despite of what he thought of
him in his wheelchair made her heart beat faster, the way he transferred
himself into the car, the way he pushed his chair letting her get glimpses of
his upper body strength, the way he had that shy look on him, somehow feeling
insecure about his situation. The times
when he did look at her with his dark eyes she tried to read him and he had
only given her tiny windows into his personality. His reluctance of not fully
opening up to her made her want him so much more. Coming into contact with his
vulnerability made her want to give him anything.
Shawn came wheeling from the back hallway she had two mugs with coffee on the
table. She sat at the table with her computer in front of her and looked up
rolled into the living room though and stopped there, “Do you mind if I lay on
got up, “No, of course not…I will bring you a cup of coffee.”
pulled his chair next to the couch and Trish glanced at him transferring from
his chair onto the couch, and once on the couch he adjusted his position and
his legs. With a breath of relief he let his head fall onto the pillows stacked
behind him. Trish came over with the coffee and set everything on a small TV
table next to the couch. Shawn looked over at her, “Thanks.”
thought she would sit on the recliner next to him and they could talk, but was surprised
when Shawn grabbed the remote control and turned on the TV without a word to
her. He zapped through the channels. Trish watched quietly and realized he
wasn’t going to say a word as he stopped on the sports channel, let the remote
control drop onto his thighs, drank from his coffee and watched TV.
didn’t know how to take his distance toward her and went back to the kitchen
table to get on her computer. She didn’t see Shawn glancing after her as she
He was tired and he also wasn’t
sure how to act with everything that had happened. Trish coming into the living
room to join him had thrown him off and his approach of ignoring her after she
had set down the coffee mug had apparently worked.
afternoon was racing through his mind again and he vowed to himself to simply make
it through the next couple of weeks with Trish in the house but not letting her
or anything get to him.
didn’t know why she had told him the things at the lake and why she had come so
close to him but it had made him feel uncomfortable and he felt like she had
done it out of pity for him.
she still had drama with Corey and just seeing Corey and the other guys Trish
apparently hung out with had made him realize she was definitely out of his
league. What Trish and Jesse had shared together added on to his feeling
inadequately. Even more so he was angry at her for getting in bed with Jesse
when she apparently still had other relationship drama in her life.
anyone, Jesse deserved a good woman and Trish wasn’t the right one for him. She
was hot and definitely a looker but Shawn couldn’t let her get in his head
either, it would cause him more pain than anything.
once she realized what he dealt with every day, not exactly “hot” issues, she
would back off and never cross the line like she had done at the lake. He laid
on the couch and even though he tried to watch TV he felt tired and exhausted
and after a while he could barely hold his eyes open.
was after seven o’clock when a soft touch on his arm and Trish’s voice woke
him, “Shawn, I made some dinner…are you hungry?”
blinked at her and saw her perfect face smiling down at him.
shifted a little, mumbling, “Ah, yeah!”
walked away and Shawn asked, “Did Jesse call yet?”
“No, not yet.”
up and pulled all his strength together as he transferred back into his chair.
Smell of food lingered in the kitchen as he wheeled over.
was busy by the stove and a moment later she placed a plate in front of Shawn,
“It’s Lasagna, I hope you like it.”
smelled good and Shawn replied, “I’m sure I will…thanks.”
got her own plate and also set some salad on the table, “Here is some salad if
you want some.”
am actually not much of a salad and green stuff kind of guy but it looks really
smiled, “Well, more salad for me then!”
ate in silence for a moment until Trish said, “You fell asleep a while ago…you
must have been tired?”
maybe too much fresh air.” He smiled and added, “I will probably go to bed
soon…I just want to wait for Jesse’s call…I don’t know what’s taking him so
long.” “Maybe they got into traffic?”
shrugged his shoulders.
They ate and just when they finished Shawn’s cell phone
rang in his back pack.
looked over to his bag, “Shit, I forgot to get my phone out.”
as he was getting ready to quickly wheel himself over to his bag Trish jumped
up, “I’ll get it!”
rushed over to the bag and pulled out the phone, “It’s Jesse!” She answered,
was annoyed at her answering his phone.
and Jesse made small talk until she said, “Here is Shawn now.”
handed Shawn the phone and he greeted Jesse, “Hey man!”
Shawn, I made it down here.”
told Shawn how one of the other guy’s truck had broken down on the way making
the trip longer than it should have been. They talked for a few minutes. Shawn
only quickly mentioned the outing he had went on with Trish but didn’t tell Jesse
about the moments between Trish and him, meeting Corey and the episode in the
car. Shawn didn’t want to worry Jesse, who had not even been gone for one
night. Trish was relieved that he didn’t say anything about her outburst and
walked out for a little while to give Shawn some privacy with Jesse.
sounded tired, “Well, I am glad everything is O.K. then.”
it’s all good.”
try to call you guys every night. We will start tomorrow and we will have a
told Shawn about the plans for the first day on his job and eventually they finished
their conversation and hung up. Trish had gone outside and Shawn wheeled
himself to the door to look out.
Trish sat on the rocking chair and looked over
to Shawn, “So how is Jesse?”
pushed his chair over the threshold. It was a warm evening still. Trish sat
barefooted on the rocking chair, she had a glass of water in her hand. Shawn
told her about Jesse’s drive and eventually added lowly, “I didn’t tell him
about…about what all happened today.”
looked out into the yard, “Thanks.”
paused then added carefully, “About today…at the lake…why don’t we forget about
wasn’t sure if she referred to the moment they had shared or the issue with Corey
and like she read his mind she added, “Whatever happened
between you and I, I’m sorry and I think it’s best to forget about it.”
realized she referred to the moment they had shared and even though Shawn had
tried to convince himself it was better to not let Trish get into his head, now
he felt a knot form in his throat because for just a little bit he had wanted
to believe that there was a connection between Trish and him, which she apparently
put an end to at this very moment.
cleared his throat and stuttered, “Yeah…no problem, already forgotten…”
knew it was the biggest lie. He had thought about the situation all day but now
tried to sound like he never cared.
know it was weird and I was wrong by invading your space the way I did.”
his space? Thinking about the invasion on him, Shawn couldn’t help thinking how
much he enjoyed being invaded by Trish but it was better this way. He had to put
a stop to it before someone got hurt.
looked down, “No, it’s okay...no big deal.”
moment was awkward when they didn’t say anything else and Shawn nervously
picked up the conversation, “Well, I’ll get ready for bed then.”
you need me to help you with anything?”
think I got it. Thanks!”
looked at him with a serious expression, “Shawn, please let me know if you need
my assistance with anything…I really mean it…I’ve seen a lot…I’ve taken care of
a bunch of people, elderly folks who are not easy sometimes. I can do things,
you know? I’m here to help, I get paid to be your personal assistant.”
looked down on his hands in his lap, “I am O.K. and I will let you know if I
need your help.”
nodded. Just as Shawn put his hands to his rims Trish said, “I will have to
leave for work at twelve thirty tomorrow, so I will get up around eight in the
morning to get everything done here.”
nodded again and looked at Trish with dark eyes, “O.K. Well, Good Night then. I
hope you can sleep all right.”
Shawn, Good Night!”
put his hands to his rims and spun around.
As he leaned over to get the door, Trish said again, “Shawn?”
turned around and looked at her, “Hhm?”
really sorry about today.”
O.K. Don’t worry about it anymore.”
turned away again, “Night!”
pulled open the door and pushed his chair over the threshold and disappeared
into the house.
took a deep breath. She felt bad about the whole situation and how the day had
gone. Shawn had stayed distant and reserved all day. Her head was spinning with
thoughts of Shawn and everything about him. He didn’t want her help and was
reluctant to tell her about himself and how his disability affected him.
the contrary he didn’t want anyone to live in his house from the start and only
because Jesse had insisted Trish was here. She felt alone and out of place.
Shawn definitely wasn’t making it easy for her and she felt like an intruder in
his life forcing her assistance onto him.
also had stirred emotions during the day when she had met him at the park. He
had been calling and texting her constantly since they broke up six months ago,
telling her sorry over and over and how much he still loved her and missed her.
Corey wasn’t a bad guy if he was sober and stayed away from trouble. The times
when he was drunk had become more frequent and it had a caused a tremendous
strain on their relationship. His jealousy didn’t make him an easy boyfriend
either. They had been together for almost three years.
when Trish had wanted to break up with him after about a year into their
relationship, Corey was involved in a car accident as a passenger and aside from
some light injuries he had also sustained a serious injury breaking his right
leg, shattering his thigh bone and knee severely which put his life on hold for
couldn’t work anymore and Trish couldn’t just leave him hanging and stayed with
him, helping him and staying by his side. He was having a hard time dealing
with the situation, his drinking became a daily thing; he was using drugs and
remained under a constant buzz.
for some reason became strangely attracted to him in the situation, his leg
encased in a steel frame fixture, pins and screws drilled into his thigh bone and
knee, following in a cast for months and on crutches for the whole time being. He
also had to have two knee surgeries which put him in the hospital every time. She
didn’t tell him but it turned her on to see him like that and their
relationship became very sexual once again, Trish being all over Corey all the
time, and him enjoying the heat in the relationship despite his injury and
problems he had with his leg.
had no idea what it was but she wanted him – a lot and even though it wasn’t
all the way easy with his leg he gave it his best shot when Trish came on to
him. Once he finally came off his crutches after about ten months things
didn’t stop drinking and Trish turned away again and eventually they broke up.
The time Corey had dealt with his injured leg had confused Trish. The
attraction seemed strange to her but it also had stirred emotions in her and a
yearning for something similar came bubbling up.
enjoyed seeing him use his crutches and making his way around with the
immobilized leg. Once he had fully
recovered she was almost sad when he put the crutches in the far corner of his
closet with a sigh of relief. He was still a good looking guy but the broken
leg with the fixture, the cast, brace and crutches gave Trish an almost 24 hour
high. She wanted him like that, she enjoyed it; it turned her on.
when she started researching online, looking at pictures of injured or
paralyzed guys, watching You Tube videos and finding on line communities where
she realized she was not alone with the attraction but also was able to put a
name to it, Abasiophilia, being attracted to people with impaired mobility.
of the on line communities opened up the world of devotees to her, women who
are attracted to disabled men. Most of the members on the message board were
female devotees and disabled men. The discussions were intense sometimes,
everything from emotional revelations to trying to understand each other
better. Sometimes it was painful and cruel on both ends, sometimes it was easy
and laid back but overall she was still struggling with her attraction to
disabled men, still feeling like it was sick and wrong but at the same time
always on the lookout for a disabled guy when she was out and about.
had been able to narrow her attraction down to guys who were either paraplegic
or quadriplegic due to injuries to their spinal cord. Nice looking guys her age
using orthopedic braces of all sorts or manual wheelchairs turned her on as well.
she had seen the ad in the paper for the temporary personal assistant position
to a 28-year old paraplegic male she applied without hesitation. The moment she
had dropped her application in the mail box though she stayed nervous for weeks
before the interview and was hoping it was what she was looking for.
Shawn was like a dream come true for her but had made her extremely nervous at
the same time. Now she felt like an intruder in his life, forcing herself on
him as a personal assistant and starting to feel very much for him.
on the porch rocking back and forth in the chair she pondered on her
thoughts for a while longer and then went inside to get ready for bed. She
locked the door behind her and got on her computer for a moment, checking her
emails and Facebook, then turned off the lights around eleven and went to bed.
There was no sound coming from Shawn’s bedroom or bathroom.
plan was for Trish to go to her job at the senior center three days a week in
the afternoons and also still instruct her water aerobics class on two of the
days. She would be at home with Shawn in the mornings and the evenings.
had been difficult for Shawn to get ready for bed, he almost couldn’t get out
of his jeans and it had taken him forever to wriggle himself free of them. After
the ordeal of getting ready for bed he was exhausted and even his arms felt
weak to push the wheel chair rims and roll into his room. In moments like this
he hated the carpet in the house.
he finally lay in his bed he thought about the day some more and he couldn’t
stop seeing Trish in his mind, smiling and sexy as she was.
His heart was heavy when he thought about what
she had said about forgetting the day and how difficult it had been to let his guard
down at the lake opening up to her. He felt that there would never be more
between him and Trish. If she wouldn’t go back to Corey, she’d choose Jesse
over him. She had no room in her life for a paraplegic boyfriend who didn’t
have his life together.