Trish and Shawn face yet another unexpected situation that seems to widen the gap between them. Their hearts tell a different story but overcoming the insecurities and anxieties is still a complicated task for both.
didn’t sleep very deep that night. She was still trying to get used to the house
and all the sounds around it outside and inside. Scurrying noises right under
her window startled her a few times during the night, probably a raccoon or
came and Trish woke up around eight fifteen. She listened for any noises in the
house but it was quiet.
the kitchen, Rocky, the cat meowed and moved around Trish’s naked legs, pushing
up against her.
you hungry buddy?”
a can of cat food and poured it into Rocky’s bowl, he dug into and smacked
noises came from the back hallway or Shawn‘s bedroom. Trish put on the coffee
pot and decided to get in the shower and get ready.
sometimes took medication to help him sleep at night and he rarely woke up
before nine in the morning.
nights were O.K. for him but there were phases when spasms would torture him during
the nights and days and he had to take medication to keep the spasms somehow
under control. He was hoping he wouldn’t have any serious spastic episodes
while Jesse was gone.
was around ten when Shawn was startled by a knock on his bedroom door and
Trish’s voice asking, “Shawn, do you want to wake up?”
rubbed over his eyes and blinked toward the door.
peeked around the door into the room and added, “Are you all right Shawn?”
with a scratchy voice, “Yeah, I am waking up.”
am just checking because I have to leave at twelve thirty to go to work.”
will be out there in a bit.”
smiled, “I’ll make fresh coffee.”
heard the creaking of the hallway floor. He had been worried that she would
come into his room and was relieved when she walked away. He wanted to make his
way into his bathroom without Trish seeing him. He would make it his mission
not to need assistance from her, at least not in the bathroom. Shawn couldn’t let
Trish see his mangled body, his scarred legs, lifeless and thin, the scars on
his back and especially not his useless private parts or even get the slightest
glimpse into his bowel issues. He would die of embarrassment, he couldn’t let
her be part of it.
he thought about all of these things he became somewhat angry at Jesse again
for taking on the job and for hiring Trish to be his personal assistant. It was
such a strange endeavor.
was able to sneak into his bathroom without Trish knowing and inside he adhered
to his morning routine, which usually took about an hour. When Jesse was there
he sometimes helped him to get done quicker. With patience Shawn managed to get
out of his lounge pants and his incontinence briefs.
laxative he had taken in the evening worked its magic and it was an immediate
relief for him to be able to use the toilet in the morning and he didn’t have
to digitally stimulate his bowels.
was ready to get in the shower, had parked his chair right next to the tub and
pushed the shower curtain out of the way.
took some coordination and strength to get onto the shower chair.
Shawn would transfer from his wheel chair onto the edge of the tub and then lift
his legs with his hands over into the tub. For a moment he usually just sat on
the edge of the tub getting his balance under control and then with one hand
placed on the shower chair he would push himself off the bath tub edge and over
onto the shower chair.
The cast on his left hand made things difficult still
and he needed to focus extra cautiously on the task of transferring onto the
would have been fine until he lost his grip with his casted hand on the shower
chair and with full force he slid from the bath tub edge instead of onto the
chair into the bath tub pushing the shower chair away with his body during his
fall and roughly hitting his head on the bath tub edge.
trembled and a curse came over his lips, “Fuck!”
body was shaking and he was hoping Trish wouldn’t come to his rescue, but he already
heard her voice outside getting closer, “Shawn, are you all right? I heard a loud
thump!” Before he could say anything the door creaked open and in the mirror he
saw Trish appear in the door, “Shawn, Oh my God!”
glanced over at him and he wanted to die. Awkwardly he lay naked in the tub,
his legs twisted oddly. He was trying to push himself up on his hands but still
felt dizzy from hitting his head and felt his body shiver.
the force of tumbling into the bath tub, his wheelchair had rolled away from
the tub some.
hurried over very concerned, “Shawn, are you all right?”
voice trembled, “Yeah, I am o.k.” It was a lie and he added in a hiss, “Fucking
didn’t look at him and with her eyes down she said, “Shawn, let me help you!”
voice was scratchy, “Please leave, I got it!”
didn’t leave though, she actually came closer but still didn’t meet Shawn’s
eyes. She saw his lounge pants and the incontinence briefs on the floor.
sounded nervous and angry, repeating louder “Leave me alone please!”
didn’t react, but grabbed a towel from the holder and threw it over to him,
“Here is a towel, cover yourself up!”
looked over at Shawn who was still trying to get upright somewhat, the towel
covered his lower body now.
he demanded, “Trish, get the fuck out of here…I asked you to leave.”
voice changed and she sounded stern now, looking straight at him, “Shut up
didn’t know what else to do and say; she seemed determined to stay in the
bathroom. He didn’t look at Trish when she stood next to the tub and he was
embarrassed and ashamed at his situation.
tried not to meet his eyes and said, “Let me help you onto the shower chair!”
tried one more time but his voice had lost its force, “Trish, no...I got it.”
positioned herself in an angle with one foot in the bath tub to grab Shawn under
his arms from behind and he didn’t protest anymore and let it happen. He wasn’t light, his
upper body was strong; she could make out all the muscle groups on his upper
back, shoulders and arms. Scanning his tattoo on his back she could see all the
way down to his butt and she could hardly ignore her quickening heart beat at
the sight of his naked body. Her eyes caught glimpses of a large scar on his
spine, smaller scars on his legs and her heart was racing.
she was lifting Shawn onto the shower chair the towel slid down and Shawn
quickly pulled the towel up on himself again, keeping his eyes down. Trish felt
his body tremble in her hands and heard Shawn breathing in gasps. She knew he
was having a difficult time with the situation and when he eventually sat on
the shower chair, balancing himself and with the towel over his lap he said
angrily as she stood there, “I could have done it myself …don’t ever come in
here without my permission…don’t ever do this again! Get the fuck out of here
now and leave me alone!” He was very mad.
her defense Trish remarked lowly, “Shawn, you could have gotten seriously hurt,
falling into the tub like this…”
unsure, he still didn’t look at her and his chest was moving quickly up and
down when he suddenly yelled at her, “Get out of here….NOW!”
was hunched over and had his eyes down. Trish walked out,
was devastated about the encounter and once Trish had closed the door behind
herself he felt his body give in from exhaustion, anger and shame. He was
embarrassed of Trish having seen him like this, from his useless legs to his
scarred back. She had seen him weak and laying helpless like a bug on its back
in the bath tub. Anxiety crept up in him about the whole situation, his head
hurt from the blow and with a shaky hand he turned the knob on the faucet.
tried to breathe steady, he felt his body react and the last thing he wanted to
happen now in the tub was an anxiety attack or spasms. He felt his eyes get
blurry and forced himself to pull it together. He was mad at Trish for just
walking into the bathroom, even though he had told her not to. She had totally disrespected
his privacy. With shaky hands he took a shower, but he couldn’t really focus on
the task and it was difficult with one hand.
done with the shower he realized his chair was not next to the tub. It had been
pushed over even further by Trish when she had helped him up.
hung his head in defeat, water dripping from his hair. As he checked the
distance again he knew the chair was too far for him to reach unless he could
get himself onto the floor risking another slippery fall and then scoot across
shook his head to himself, he didn’t want to do that. He had scooted himself over
the floor before on a couple of occasions, usually when Jesse wasn’t around or
when he had fought with Jesse because of false pride, trying to show Jesse how
he didn’t need him, which was a big fat lie. Usually alcohol was running
through his veins to let it come to those kind of situations.
felt angry still, not wanting to ask Trish, but lowering himself to the floor
and scooting himself around on the floor would have not only been a physical
struggle but also a psychological one, putting him at his worst and most lowest
sat there thinking about what to do when all the sudden Trish knocked again,
“Do you need your chair next to the tub? I think we pushed it over too far a
sat up startled, holding on to the handle in the tub, because he felt unsteady.
Trish called his name again.
he adjusted the towel on his lap and answered with a trembling voice, “Yes?”
repeated, “Do you want me to set your chair next to the tub?”
cleared his throat and in defeat answered, “Yes.”
clearing of the throat hadn’t helped, his voice still sounded scratchy, “Yes.”
came in and he watched her from under his wet bangs in the large slanted mirror
on the wall. She pulled the chair next to the tub and her eyes met his in the
mirror and he looked away quickly. He thanked her lowly and she walked out
without another word. He pulled his strength together and after drying his body
he slid himself over into his wheelchair, surprised that Trish had thought
about putting on the breaks.
wheeled over to the sink, brushed his teeth, combed through his hair and then he
sat in his wheelchair for a moment, towel over his lap and looking into the
mirror, feeling bad. The incident had been exhausting and he kept thinking
about what Trish thought of him and his body. He never wanted her to see him
naked and especially not under those circumstances.
he had his clothes laid out on his bed, he transferred onto it and mostly lying
down or sitting against the headboard he dressed himself, breathing heavy and
cursing a little bit in between when his sock didn’t want to cooperate and when
he couldn’t get the button of his jeans too good with his casted hand.
was shortly before noon when he finally came wheeling into the kitchen. He had
been successful in warding off the anxiety attack but he still felt very bad
about the whole situation.
wasn’t in the kitchen when he got there, he heard her in her room and moments
later she came out wearing scrubs, he hair up in a ponytail, tennis shoes on
and still looking stunning, “I have to go to work now…are you all done and stuff?”
looked at her nervously. The whole time getting dressed and ready in his room
he had planned on going off on her some way or another about the situation
earlier but now he felt speechless and awkward.
in a cool tone, ‘Yeah, I’m done.”
There’s fresh coffee and lunch stuff on the table…do you need anything before I
glanced at the table, then at her, “No, I’m good.”
I have my cell phone on me if you need to call. After work I have my water
aerobics class, so it’ll be around eight thirty or nine when I get home
tonight. There is still Lasagna in the fridge, you just have to heat it up in
walked to the door, turned around once more and said, “Are you O.K.?”
I’ll be o.k.”
“I will see you tonight then. Bye and have a good day!”
didn’t hear Shawn’s very low Good Bye as she left out the door. He didn’t know
what to think about the situation and for some reason he also felt somewhat
disappointed that she hadn’t said anything else to him. She had just left him
sitting there, clueless and alone with is anger.
he said to himself, “What the fuck?”
anger stayed and it bred inside him as he put his hands to his rims and rammed
himself into the kitchen cabinet hitting his knees full force but not feeling a
thing and hitting the counter top with his good hand, cursing. He hung his
head. Trish had totally blown him off. He still wanted to talk to her about the
situation in the bathroom but he didn’t know when.
spent the rest of the day feeling bad and just hanging around the house,
eating, playing Video games, watching TV and brooding over everything that had
happened in the morning.
almost nine o’clock that night Trish walked in, Shawn was lounging on the couch
watching TV. He sat up slightly looking over to her. She wore a purple suede
sweat suit, her hair looked damp and she carried a sports bag and her purse,
managed a low “Hey!”
stood in the kitchen and looked over at him, “How are you?”
was puzzled at her indifferent approach, when he had been thinking about the incident
from the morning all day, “I’m O.K.”
walked to the back into her room, he heard her in the bathroom and eventually
she came back out into the living room and fell into the recliner which was
usually Jesse’s seat, “I am beat.”
didn’t know how to act, he was nervous. She acted like the morning hadn’t even
happened, “What all did you do today?”
was confused, “Not much.”
when he had said it, the phone rang and when he grabbed it he saw Jesse on the
smiled and whispered, “Tell him “Hi” from me!”
nodded, answered the phone and started talking to Jesse. Jesse told him about
his first real work day and how tired and exhausted he was. Shawn didn’t say
anything about the incident with Trish in the morning. He merely told him how
he hung around the house while Trish was at work. Jesse didn’t seem too keen
about a lengthy conversation either, he sounded tired and they only talked for
about twenty minutes.
he had hung up with Jesse Trish asked from the kitchen, “How is he?”
told her what Jesse had said about starting the project that day and how it had
been a long day for him. Trish fixed herself a glass of water and asked Shawn
if he wanted anything from the kitchen. Shawn declined and she
came back into the living room and sat in the recliner again.
mad and embarrassed as Shawn had been in the morning and as much as he had
promised himself he would have a talk with Trish again, now he couldn’t bring
it over himself. He was nervous and it was difficult for him to be so close to
her. He tried to act normal but there was this unspoken tension between them. He
just didn’t know how she felt about him but he couldn’t ignore the fact that
his hands got sweaty and his heart beat faster when he was around her.
the same time he was embarrassed about everything he dealt with, the issues pertaining
to his disability, and the morning in the bathroom had pretty much wiped out
the little bit of dignity he had been trying to preserve.
his opinion there was nothing about him that would make Trish even think twice
about being with him in any other way than an assistant or friend. He was
locked in his own prison of fear of rejection and thinking himself as worthless
and it made him cold and insecure. He really didn’t want to move around with
her watching how he had to lift his messed up legs around like dead meat, how
he had to transfer into or out of his chair, he didn’t want her to witness his
vulnerability and weakness.
last time he had been with a girl had been about two years ago. She was hot, he
was rebellious and they were all over each other and partied their heart out
every chance they got. Shawn had his pickup truck back then, he was wild and
adventurous; she was a free spirited girl. They had many friends to hang out
with. Since it had been summer then, they had spent their days and nights
swimming and partying at the lake, had went camping with friends in the
mountains. There was always alcohol, sometimes drugs and lots of sex. Work was
just a way to finance the fun they had.
had split up consensual and about two months after the split Shawn had the
accident and his life came to an abrupt halt. He never saw the girl again, she
went off to an out of state college after the summer. Ever since then he had
not really been around women and he was really not the same guy he used to be.
He still missed his life from before the accident all the time and with Trish
coming into his life his old self tried to surface but just couldn’t the way he
would have liked to. Trish was like a link to the outside world for him but he
was afraid to get on with it.
they sat there Shawn tried to think of something to say, Trish looked over at
him and he asked lowly, “So how was your work and all?”
smiled and told him about her afternoon, finishing with telling him about her
water aerobics class.
listened and she added softly, “You know, water is an excellent medium for
was surprised, “Water? What do you mean?”
looked at him with shiny eyes, “Yes, like just getting into the water, feeling
the weightlessness of your body in the water…I know it makes me feel skinny!”
laughed and Shawn replied seriously with his eyes on her, “You are skinny.”
smiled, “Thanks, but I did gain a few pounds over the last couple of months.”
looked down and replied lowly, “You are perfect.”
was very surprised about his comment and after a moment she told him softly,
“You are perfect too, Shawn.”
didn’t know what to say about that comment. How could she say he was perfect?
When he looked up glancing at her, her eyes were on him, “Maybe we can go to
the pool sometime.”
he could think of, was that there was no way he would go to the pool with her,
making a total fool of himself. He used to know how to swim and he did always
love the water but now everything was different. He couldn’t even imagine going
to a pool.
nodded nonetheless, “Maybe one day.” He held his casted hand up, “It may be a
turned toward the TV again. Trish had realized how he had become nervous at her
mentioning the pool. She knew it would be a big deal for him and she decided to
let the topic rest for now. She turned her focus back to the movie.
movie was over around eleven o’clock and when Trish glanced at Shawn, she saw
he had fallen asleep on the couch. She got up from the recliner and just when
she was about to wake him softly she hesitated and just let her eyes travel
T-Shirt had ran up a bit on his belly exposing the waistline of his jeans,
showing some skin and his hip bone protruding just a bit. She let her eyes scan
over him and up to his face. His dark hair a little ruffled on the pillow, his
eye lashes dark and long, his lips parted slightly as he was breathing softly.
His right hand rested on his belly and the left hand in the cast hung from the
legs laid parallel to each other perfectly still, his jeans looking somewhat
loose around them. Next to the couch was his wheelchair and Trish let her eyes
rest on it, then touching the handle slightly and sliding her fingers over it.
at Shawn and at his wheel chair she couldn’t help her heart beat faster and
feeling how he was so perfect for this chair and just a little how she was
thankful that he would always be in it.
She didn't think it was right for her to feel that way, Shawn didn’t want to be like this but she
knew better, he would not walk again and just thinking about it made her
breathe faster and it reminded her of her desires and how she really wanted
Shawn the way he was, wheelchair and all.
struggled with her feelings but when she had described him as a “dream come
true” on her devotee discussion board, the women envied her and told her to be
strong and all hoped she would be able to connect with Shawn on another level.
took her hand off his chair and touching his arm softly she said lowly,
“Shawn…the movie is over.”
moved slightly, taking one deep breath and then blinking at her, “What?”
movie is over Shawn, you fell asleep.”
he moved his T-Shirt rolled up even more showing part of the tattoo on his
chest. She looked away quickly and asked,
“Do you want to go to bed?”
nodded and answered with a scratchy voice, “Yeah, I guess so.”
moved out of his way and left him on the couch.
knew he was getting ready to transfer, “You got it?”
though she didn’t want to stare she couldn’t help to glance over at him getting
a glimpse of him transferring from the couch into his chair. Just when he had
positioned himself in the chair he glanced over to her and their eyes met for a
said lowly, “I’ll be in the bathroom then.”
was done before Shawn and she sat at the kitchen table looking at her computer
when Shawn appeared in the hallway and announced, “Well…I am going to bed.”
looked up from her computer and saw Shawn only in his lounge pants, no shirt on
and she felt her hands get sweaty. He was so hot in his wheelchair like that.
smiled a little, “Well, Good Night then.”
looked at her expectantly and nervous, seeing Trish only in her tank top and
shorts for the night.
stood by the kitchen counter and he nodded, “Yes?”
voice sounded shaky, “Do you want to do something fun tomorrow? I am off you
know and we could…I don’t know, go to the mall or a movie or something…unless
you would rather stay here of course…”
voice faded out.
thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, we can get out of here tomorrow.” “Do
you want to decide over breakfast?”
looked down and then up again, “Well then…are you o.k. with your room and
stuff? If you need anything let me know…I hope the raccoons won’t bother you
hope so too…I do have everything I need…I am fine, thanks Shawn.”
well, Good Night then.”
eyes met for another moment. Trish watched as he spun himself around. She had
felt her heartbeat racing in her chest at his enquiring if she was O.K. It had
made her feel good. Did she have everything she needed? Not really! She wanted Shawn,
heart was beating fast and her legs were warm, especially inside her thighs.
She went back to turn her computer off, took a deep breath, turned all the
lights off and with a glass of water she headed to her room.
still had her image in his head, her sexy legs, the long blond hair falling
over her breasts and when he finally lay in his bed he listened for any noises
coming from outside and he imagined Trish sneaking into his room like she did
with Jesse. She made him so very nervous and insecure, he could barely look at
her and as he lay there the longing for some physical closeness to her was
strong. He wished so much to feel her body against his.
the accident he knew he would have most likely disappeared in the bathroom and
gotten his release that way. Then again he really would have had her in his bed
in no time and he would have had raw and hot sex with her. Even though his
thoughts were racing around her and he longed for her so much his cock stayed
limp and lifeless in the confinement of his incontinence briefs and he hated
everything about it, staring into the darkness and feeling very alone.
on the other hand laid in her bed thinking about Shawn and her hands were
slowly gliding over her hard nipples under the tank top, over her flat belly
and down to her hips and thighs. Her thighs were burning up on the inside as
she caressed herself in slow circular motions all the way to her warm and moist
pussy. She rolled over onto her belly and with her legs spread slightly, arms
next to her head, she gently pushed her loins against the firm mattress,
moaning softly at the oncoming arousal and thinking about Shawn. She moved in a
steady rhythm and it didn’t take five minutes when she was breathing quickly
and coming close to her orgasm.
She stopped her movement momentarily dragging
out the intensity of the arousal and eventually giving in to the need and
longing for release. With a silent cry into her pillow she came trembling and
with waves whipping through her body as she let the orgasm happen thinking
about Shawn. Joyful exhaustion overcame her but deep inside guilt tried to
surface but she ignored it savoring the aftermath of her climax and falling
asleep on her belly.