Friday, November 14, 2014

Three's A Crowd Chapter 17

Night turns into day for Trish and Shawn and Shawn is not over the severe spastic episode from the night before, dealing with some other issues now. Their bond as friends is becoming even closer but their hearts speak of a different longing. Can their friendship be transformed into something more?



Trish pushed her phone away, with the gesture almost like she was emphasizing to push Corey away further.

When she walked back to Shawn’s bedroom to wake him up she was surprised to find Shawn lying in his bed with his eyes open already, “Good Morning Shawn?”
His voice was low and scratchy, “Hey.”
Trish asked carefully, “Can I come in?”
“Sure.”

As Trish approached him she saw his eyes had dark circles under them and he looked tired and sweaty.
“Shawn, are you all right?”
He swallowed and said lowly, “Not so much I guess.”
“What’s going on with you?”
Without his permission she touched her hand to his forehead, “Shawn, you are burning up. Do we need to get you to the ER?”
He reached for her arm and grabbed a hold of it, “Trish…no…let’s just wait it out.”
“Shawn, I can’t just let you lay here with a fever.”
Shawn’s voice was demanding now, “Trish, please! I don’t need to go to the hospital. If Jesse would find out, he would quit the job, I can’t let that happen.” His voice faded out and he closed his eyes, adding lowly, “I will get through this.”
Trish sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, “Shawn, I really don’t know.”
“Trish, let’s wait until tonight!”
She wasn’t sure about his request, “Shawn, what if something happens to you…I…”
Shawn opened his eyes and cut her off, “Trust me Trish, please! It is just a slight fever.”
His eyes were on her, pleading as she decided, “O.K. we will wait until tonight but if your fever is not going down, we are going to the hospital.”
He managed a weak smile, “This happens all the time. Don’t you have to get ready for work?”
Trish kept her eyes on him wondering how he could be so careless about his condition, “I am going to call out. I can’t be at work with you being sick here at home. I will be right back.”

Shawn felt bad for putting Trish through more trouble with him. He had hoped that nothing else would happen but he knew now that the stress from the last few days had most likely gotten the better of him. He also did remember feeling chilly in the movie theater with the air conditioner on.
He tried not to let Trish see his anger about the situation. In his opinion he had almost hit rock bottom now in Trish’s presence and really couldn’t believe how fate had played him with this next issue now.
All of it had only occurred within the first week of Trish living with him and he was afraid she would change her mind about the personal assistant job and if Jesse would find out about him being down with a fever it wouldn’t be good.

Trish called her work right away and told them she had been throwing up all morning, most likely because of something she ate the night before. She hated to lie but she didn’t want to leave Shawn at home by himself, Jesse probably wouldn’t be too happy about that either.

She came back into Shawn’s room with a bowl of water and a wash cloth, set the bowl down on the bedside table and moistened the wash cloth, “Here let me put this on your forehead.”
She draped the wash cloth over Shawn’s forehead and then sat on the edge of the bed, “Maybe this will help a little. Maybe you can take some medication for the fever?”
“Trish, we can’t let Jesse know about this, you hear me?”
Trish rolled her eyes, “Yeah, yeah!”

During the course of the day, Shawn was still battling light spasms. Trish stayed by his bedside, refreshing the wash cloth over and over, getting fresh water and wiping his face softly.
She actually brought her lap top into his room and sitting on the floor she was doing school work on it while watching over Shawn. He went from waking to sleeping all day and he sometimes he moaned in his fever attacks.
She changed his briefs a few times when they were drenched with urine, he didn’t fight it, he didn’t budge, he didn’t say anything; he just let it happen.
Once again he had surrendered to his body and given up on holding on to the little bit of dignity he had left. It was good that Trish was there with him through this. He really had no choice in the matter and he was too weak to fight any of Trish’s care.
She sat by his bedside all day, calmly wiped his face, gave him water, watched him deal with the spasms that shot through him, draped the sheet back over him when it slid off and silently changed out the briefs when they needed to be changed.

She watched him sleeping and with her eyes scanned his body from his chest down his arms to where the sheet loosely covered him from the waist down and she felt so drawn to him. Then she looked over to his wheelchair, the crutches and the braces in the corner of his room and she felt her groins ache for him in that way, knowing those items where part of him and who he was, items he needed on a daily basis to be mobile throughout the day and throughout the rest of his life and she ached for being with him.

Trish pulled his wheelchair up, let her hands glide over the backrest and the blue metal frame of the chair, the rims on its wheels and she felt so very content and excited with this situation. This was everything she had dreamed about, Shawn was the perfect paraplegic to her. He had no idea how she felt about him and how much emotional tumult it caused her to be with him and so close to him.

On her computer she checked in on the devotee message board, checked her messages and comments. She was tempted to share everything about Shawn but she didn’t.
It was almost seven o’clock at night when Trish got off the computer and checked Shawn’s temperature again. Surprisingly it wasn’t as high anymore and he was sleeping again. She took her lap top back to the kitchen and ate a small meal.

Back in Shawn’s room a little while later, she leaned over him and felt his forehead, saying softly, “Shawn, can you hear me?”
Shawn moved a bit, moaning sleepily and Trish repeated his name, “Shawn, buddy?” He opened his eyes slowly, she took the washcloth from his forehead, “How are you feeling?”
His eyes were dark and shiny as he looked at her.
“Shawn, are you with me?”
His voice was scratchy, “Yes.”
“Your temperature went down.”
He managed a small smile, “I told you so.”
Trish smiled, “Are you hungry?”
“Maybe a little. Did Jesse call?”
“No, actually not yet.”
Shawn was relieved about that because he had been hoping to avoid having to lie to Jesse about his condition and also having Trish be put in that situation.
“Well, I can make you something to eat.”
Shawn nodded, “Nice.”
Trish looked at him, “Do you need help getting out of bed?”
“I don’t think I will get up right now. I will just stay in bed.”
He started to shift and pull himself, “I just want to sit up.”

Trish came up to him and assisted him into a sitting position. Once he sat propped up on the pillows, she disappeared into the kitchen. Shawn laid his head back and just waited.
Trish came back with a grilled cheese sandwich and water, “Here you go.”
She was about to put the plate on the bedside table and Shawn said, “There is actually one of those bed trays in my closet.”
Trish found the tray in the closet, unfolded it and set it over Shawn’s thighs.
He smiled, “Thanks! I’ve spent enough time in this bed that my dear brother got me this thing…”
“Good idea.”
She sat down, “I am very glad you are feeling better.”

He nodded, then looked at her earnestly, “Trish, I am very sorry about all of this…this has really been messed up with me and all my crap going on, the para problem overload within the last three days. I wish you wouldn’t have had to deal with all of that and I understand if you want out of it…”
“Out of what?”
Shawn explained lowly, “The job…being my assistant.”
Trish shook her head quickly, “Shawn…I don’t want out of it. I’m O.K. I want to do this not just as a paid PA but also…” she paused, took a breath and looked down shyly, “…also as your friend.”
When she glanced at him his dark brown eyes were on her steady and deep.
She added insecurely, “I was hoping we are friends now….”
Her voice faded and she looked away again.
Shawn thought for a moment and tried to ignore the distant pain he felt inside about being in the friend zone.
When he didn’t reply right away Trish added lowly, “…but if I am overstepping a boundary, I’m…”
Shawn cut her off, “No, it’s all good. Yes, we are friends…you didn’t cross any boundaries, Trish.”
He hoped she wouldn’t hear the disappointment through his words.
Trish looked up at him and smiled, “Who would have thought, huh?”
“Thought what?”
“That we would become friends.”
Shawn smiled at her and nodded, then he took a bite of his sandwich.

After he had finished his dinner he said, “It was good, thanks.”
Trish nodded, “You are welcome!”
Shawn looked tired but said lowly, “I am thinking about taking a shower and stuff…”  “You think you are strong enough to do that?”
“Yeah, I just have to take it easy.”
“O.K. what do you want me to do?”

Shawn wanted to get fresh and into the bathroom but the fever attack had left him weary and tired. He knew he needed Trish to help him out, but was still shy about it. Trish pulled the wheelchair up to the bed, “Here, I will help you.”
He didn’t want to refuse but even though she had helped him during the day with a lot more intimate issues, he was still reluctant about accepting her help.
It was like Trish could read his mind, “You want your sweat pants or shorts or something?”
He was relieved at her question, “Yes, my shorts please.”
Trish handed him his shorts and he replied with a Thank you.
To his surprise Trish walked out, “Well, I’ll leave you to it and I will be out there if you need me.”
“O.K.”

He took off his soaked briefs, and pulled his shorts over his legs and butt, breathing heavy.  
It took him some time and energy to transfer into his chair, he paused for a moment and he heard Trish calling from outside, “Shawn? Everything O.K. in there?”
He called, “Yes!”
He plopped into his chair exhausted and a low curse came over his lips.
When Shawn came wheeling out of his room, Trish was in the hallway and asked him, “You o.k.?”
He glanced up at her in passing, “Yeah, I am O.K. but that episode last night and today kicked my ass.”
“You need to take it easy, Shawn.”
He wheeled himself into the bathroom and he came up to the sink and saw himself in the mirror, “Shit, I look like a mess…I need to shave.”

Trish stood in the hallway and suddenly to his surprise stepped into the bathroom, leaned down next to his face and looked into the mirror as well, “I agree, you look like you had a rough time.”
For a moment they looked at the mirror images of each other and Shawn felt a surge of wanting to feel more of her, her body, her lips and her skin on his but quickly threw the thoughts out again. They were friends only.
Trish took her eyes off of him and stood up, “I will get your shower water ready.”
Shawn felt odd of having her in the bathroom with him and didn’t know how to act.
She straightened the shower seat, put Shawn’s towel on the small table next to the shower, “Do you want me to help you get in?”
He shook his head, “I got it.”
Trish respected him, “O.K. call me if you need me.”

She then walked out and went to his room. She changed the sheets while Shawn was in the shower. She threw the briefs outside in the trash can and worried about raccoons she hurried back into the house.
Shawn was exhausted after the shower but he had managed to empty his bladder,  get cleaned up and even shaved and brushed his teeth. Trish sat on the recliner, TV on, when Shawn came wheeling out to the living room looking at her from under his wet bangs.
She smiled at him, “You feel better now?”
He came rolling over the carpet with the usual difficulties, “Yes, I feel all right now.”
Only in his shorts, no shirt on, Trish felt her heart skip a beat looking at him.
“Can’t wait for this to come off.” He looked down at his wrist in the cast.
Trish replied, “I bet…”
“It makes things harder…”

He parked his wheelchair next to the couch but didn’t attempt to get on it. 
Trish shifted a little on the recliner and curiously nodded to his wrist, “How did that really happen anyways?”
Shawn smiled weakly, “You really want to know?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well, it kind of happened that night after you were here for the so called interview…and I had acted like a jerk toward you.”
He didn’t fully meet her eyes when he continued, “Jesse kicked my ass for it that same night.”
Trish sat up in shock, “What do you mean Shawn? Jesse did this to you?”
Shawn carried on, “Well, it wasn’t really Jesse…it was an accident but he was really pissed off at me and let me have it that night…he felt bad about it right away. I deserved to get my ass kicked though.”
“Shawn, but you are….” She stopped herself and thought for a moment, “…it wouldn’t be a fair fight. I would think Jesse should know better…”
“Like I said, he was very sorry but I deserved it.” He looked down and added lowly, “I almost screwed things up with you by being such an idiot.” He paused, then added, “I’m very glad you let me have a second chance.”
Trish looked down, “I’m glad I followed my instincts telling me that you were not really such a jerk and that I should give this a try.”

They looked at each other again and Trish thought she saw something in his eyes that was deep and longing as he held his gaze. She looked away shyly.
Shawn added, “Well, your instinct was right…I’m not really a jerk…” he paused, took a deep breath and said very lowly, “…just a very insecure paraplegic dude, who has yet to come to terms and some kind of peace with the mess he put himself in.”

Trish was surprised at his declaration and when she glanced up at him, he didn’t look at her but his head hung and he looked at his hands in his lap.
She didn’t know what to respond at first but then said softly, “I think I can help you with that if you let me…”
He looked up slowly and said softly, “I don’t know if anyone can really help me.”

For a moment Trish thought about what to say but she couldn’t think of anything and just looked down again. As Shawn wheeled over to the kitchen she looked after him and her heart was heavy.
Shawn got some water and checked his cell phone which was lying on the table. Jesse hadn’t called and he was perfectly fine with that. He didn’t want Jesse to worry about anything.

Trish had stayed on the recliner speechless at Shawn’s comments. She didn’t know how to respond to what he had said. She had the TV on a sitcom as Shawn came back into the living room and parked his chair silently.
She turned to him, “If you want to watch something else, I don’t mind.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ll probably go to bed soon.”
She was a little disappointed at hearing this but she knew he was still tired and exhausted, “So, I’m off tomorrow.”
“Cool.”
“Shawn, if you need or want to go anywhere let me know.”
Shawn nodded, “O.K….sure.”
Silently they both watched the TV for a while and eventually Shawn said, “Well, I think I will go to bed again.”
Trish looked over to him, “O.K.”
He looked at her shyly, “Thanks again for everything.”
“It is why I am here. No problem.”
He put his hand to the rims of his chair, “Good Night then Trish.”
“Night Shawn, I hope you will have a peaceful, spasm-free night.”

He smiled and she looked after him as he wheeled with some difficulties back to his room. As he got there he realized the new sheets on his bed.
He wanted to thank her and backed up into the hallway again to call out to her, “Trish?”
She replied from the living room, “Yes?”
“Thanks for the new sheets.“
She appeared in the hallway, “You are welcome!”
Smiling at her he felt his heart beat fast, “Good Night!”
“Good Night Shawn!”

He wheeled into his room and he thought of everything that had happened and he saw her in his mind. He wished so much she would maybe feel just a little bit more for him, not as a patient or employer but as a man. He threw the thoughts aside quickly when he transferred himself into the bed and positioned his legs in his bed, then pulled up another pair of incontinence briefs over his thin, lifeless legs. There was no way she would want him for anything beyond friendship or a person she assisted. He fell back on his pillow.

It took him a while to fall asleep. His thoughts still circled around Trish as he heard her in the kitchen and operating the washer and dryer. He imagined how great it would be if she would come into his room and touch him or undress in front of him. All the thoughts around her didn’t provoke any activity to his manhood though.
He let his hand slide into his briefs but there was no action. Ever since the accident his penis was nothing but the tube that transported the urine from his kidneys, there was no sexual arousal of any kind. It was usually limp and softly tucked into the briefs or into his jeans. He knew that some paralyzed men used medications to get an erection and he knew of some who could still get hard in a reflex without meds but needed direct stimulation, some men just imagining stuff or some getting hard with anal stimulation.
For him everything seemed dead, he did have some sensation left when it came to his butt, he sometimes did feel when he would maybe have to use the bathroom, but it was such a distant feeling that it took him a few tries sometimes. It was frustrating for him to have lost all the sensation in his lower region. Before his accident he used to enjoy sex, had never thought twice about it and had went for it any chance he got. Not too seldom had he woke up in a girl’s apartment the morning after a crazy night.  
His sexual activities had been a big part of his personality and Jesse sometimes used to get on to him for taking advantage of girls and being too wild and irresponsible with his friends when going out, picking up girls, drinking and partying a lot.
Now his sexual performance was wiped out completely, it was not anything he could identify with anymore, he didn’t know what his purpose was anymore. Fun and girls was what he had lived and worked for, now he was nobody, just a paralyzed guy with nothing left. He had no one, his friends had distanced themselves after the accident, not everyone could handle it, he had no job, barely any money and wasn’t mobile with a car.

He lay in his bed thinking about everything and felt angry once again. Anger overcame him quite often, usually he would drink and be drunk by the time Jesse got home from work. Jesse would get mad, get Shawn into bed and the next day Shawn would find himself hung over, sick; angry but still in a wheelchair.
Sometimes he would pick a fight with Jesse just because he needed to vent his frustration somehow and Jesse was usually his punching bag. Having been drunk and depressed he had literally punched Jesse on a few occasions. Jesse would just hold him down and usually Shawn would end up with a break down, sometimes crying and Jesse would just hold him without saying a word but never laid a hand on him.

Now he could just lay there with Trish in the house. He lay there frustrated and angry, thinking about how he would never be with a woman in a sexual way and how he needed to put Trish out of his head. If anything she would most likely hook up with Jesse or maybe go back to her ex-boyfriend Corey. Even if for some odd reason Trish would be interested in him in any other way than a friend he could not satisfy her sexually or even any other way.
He almost laughed a little thinking about Trish showing interest in him after she had witnessed his peeing all over himself and basically having helped him put his adult diapers on. There was going to be no way she’d be interested in him. His body was broken and there was nothing he could offer Trish or any other girl for that matter. Except for possible friendship he needed to put any thoughts of Trish out of his head for good.
He laid awake for another hour but fortunately the spasms had left his body, his muscles were still and calm. He stared at the ceiling and as much as he tried he couldn’t stop thinking about Trish. He still heard her outside in the living room and kitchen. He longed for her so much, he resisted the urge to call; he had to keep his cool. Eventually he fell into a deep sleep.

Trish still watched TV after Shawn had went back to bed. He had seemed distant when they said Good Night, she didn’t know if he was just tired or if it was something else. She had been surprised by what he had said about being an insecure paraplegic. It was difficult to say the right thing to him and obviously she had not said the right thing.
He heart was heavy thinking about Shawn, she wanted him so bad and he had no idea. She didn’t know how to go about it, she didn’t know how he felt about her but she had to make him realize that she was totally into him and everything about him. She’d have to let some time go by and see what would happen. When she went to bed that night Shawn was on her mind and she wished so much that eventually there could maybe be more between them.

7 comments:

  1. I am sooo glad you posted the chapter anyway and i loved it!!! Cant wait for the next one!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am very glad that you posted this chapter, and I loved all of the parts in it. I am very happy that you didn't cut any of it out, each part was important toward their developing relationship. I look forward to the next chapter!!!! Thank you for writing!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you Dani, I love this chapter! Can't wait for the next one :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love your updates, thank you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Really, really great chapter.
    They are breaking my heart!
    Many thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you for the new chapter!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wonderfully written and intense. You do a great job with your characters. Please don't make us wait too long for your next installment. :)

    ReplyDelete