Night turns into day for Trish and Shawn and Shawn is not over the severe spastic episode from the night before, dealing with some other issues now. Their bond as friends is becoming even closer but their hearts speak of a different longing. Can their friendship be transformed into something more?
pushed her phone away, with the gesture almost like she was emphasizing to push
Corey away further.
she walked back to Shawn’s bedroom to wake him up she was surprised to find
Shawn lying in his bed with his eyes open already, “Good Morning Shawn?”
voice was low and scratchy, “Hey.”
asked carefully, “Can I come in?”
Trish approached him she saw his eyes had dark circles under them and he looked
tired and sweaty.
are you all right?”
swallowed and said lowly, “Not so much I guess.”
going on with you?”
his permission she touched her hand to his forehead, “Shawn, you are burning up.
Do we need to get you to the ER?”
reached for her arm and grabbed a hold of it, “Trish…no…let’s just wait it
I can’t just let you lay here with a fever.”
voice was demanding now, “Trish, please! I don’t need to go to the hospital. If
Jesse would find out, he would quit the job, I can’t let that happen.” His
voice faded out and he closed his eyes, adding lowly, “I will get through
sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, “Shawn, I really don’t know.”
let’s wait until tonight!”
wasn’t sure about his request, “Shawn, what if something happens to you…I…”
opened his eyes and cut her off, “Trust me Trish, please! It is just a slight fever.”
eyes were on her, pleading as she decided, “O.K. we will wait until tonight but
if your fever is not going down, we are going to the hospital.”
a weak smile, “This happens all the time. Don’t you have to get ready for
kept her eyes on him wondering how he could be so careless about his condition,
“I am going to call out. I can’t be at work with you being sick here at home. I
will be right back.”
felt bad for putting Trish through more trouble with him. He had hoped that nothing
else would happen but he knew now that the stress from the last few days had most
likely gotten the better of him. He also did remember feeling chilly in the
movie theater with the air conditioner on.
not to let Trish see his anger about the situation. In his opinion he had
almost hit rock bottom now in Trish’s presence and really couldn’t believe how
fate had played him with this next issue now.
of it had only occurred within the first week of Trish living with him and he
was afraid she would change her mind about the personal assistant job and if
Jesse would find out about him being down with a fever it wouldn’t be good.
called her work right away and told them she had been throwing up all morning,
most likely because of something she ate the night before. She hated to lie but
she didn’t want to leave Shawn at home by himself, Jesse probably wouldn’t be
too happy about that either.
came back into Shawn’s room with a bowl of water and a wash cloth, set the bowl
down on the bedside table and moistened the wash cloth, “Here let me put this
on your forehead.”
draped the wash cloth over Shawn’s forehead and then sat on the edge of the
bed, “Maybe this will help a little. Maybe you can take some medication for the
we can’t let Jesse know about this, you hear me?”
rolled her eyes, “Yeah, yeah!”
the course of the day, Shawn was still battling light spasms. Trish stayed by
his bedside, refreshing the wash cloth over and over, getting fresh water and
wiping his face softly.
actually brought her lap top into his room and sitting on the floor she was
doing school work on it while watching over Shawn. He went from waking to
sleeping all day and he sometimes he moaned in his fever attacks.
changed his briefs a few times when they were drenched with urine, he didn’t
fight it, he didn’t budge, he didn’t say anything; he just let it happen.
again he had surrendered to his body and given up on holding on to the little
bit of dignity he had left. It was good that Trish was there with him through
this. He really had no choice in the matter and he was too weak to fight any of
sat by his bedside all day, calmly wiped his face, gave him water, watched him
deal with the spasms that shot through him, draped the sheet back over him when
it slid off and silently changed out the briefs when they needed to be changed.
watched him sleeping and with her eyes scanned his body from his chest down his
arms to where the sheet loosely covered him from the waist down and she felt so
drawn to him. Then she looked over to his wheelchair, the crutches and the
braces in the corner of his room and she felt her groins ache for him in that
way, knowing those items where part of him and who he was, items he needed on a
daily basis to be mobile throughout the day and throughout the rest of his life
and she ached for being with him.
pulled his wheelchair up, let her hands glide over the backrest and the blue
metal frame of the chair, the rims on its wheels and she felt so very content
and excited with this situation. This was everything she had dreamed about,
Shawn was the perfect paraplegic to her. He had no idea how she felt about him
and how much emotional tumult it caused her to be with him and so close to him.
her computer she checked in on the devotee message board, checked her messages
and comments. She was tempted to share everything about Shawn but she didn’t.
was almost seven o’clock at night when Trish got off the computer and checked
Shawn’s temperature again. Surprisingly it wasn’t as high anymore and he was
sleeping again. She took her lap top back to the kitchen and ate a small meal.
in Shawn’s room a little while later, she leaned over him and felt his
forehead, saying softly, “Shawn, can you hear me?”
moved a bit, moaning sleepily and Trish repeated his name, “Shawn, buddy?” He
opened his eyes slowly, she took the washcloth from his forehead, “How
are you feeling?”
eyes were dark and shiny as he looked at her.
are you with me?”
voice was scratchy, “Yes.”
temperature went down.”
managed a small smile, “I told you so.”
smiled, “Are you hungry?”
a little. Did Jesse call?”
actually not yet.”
was relieved about that because he had been hoping to avoid having to lie to
Jesse about his condition and also having Trish be put in that situation.
I can make you something to eat.”
looked at him, “Do you need help getting out of bed?”
don’t think I will get up right now. I will just stay in bed.”
started to shift and pull himself, “I just want to sit up.”
came up to him and assisted him into a sitting position. Once he sat propped up
on the pillows, she disappeared into the kitchen. Shawn laid his head back
and just waited.
came back with a grilled cheese sandwich and water, “Here you go.”
was about to put the plate on the bedside table and Shawn said, “There is
actually one of those bed trays in my closet.”
found the tray in the closet, unfolded it and set it over Shawn’s thighs.
smiled, “Thanks! I’ve spent enough time in this bed that my dear brother got me
sat down, “I am very glad you are feeling better.”
nodded, then looked at her earnestly, “Trish, I am very sorry about all of
this…this has really been messed up with me and all my crap going on, the para problem
overload within the last three days. I wish you wouldn’t have had to deal with
all of that and I understand if you want out of it…”
explained lowly, “The job…being my assistant.”
shook her head quickly, “Shawn…I don’t want out of it. I’m O.K. I want to do
this not just as a paid PA but also…” she paused, took a breath and looked down
shyly, “…also as your friend.”
she glanced at him his dark brown eyes were on her steady and deep.
added insecurely, “I was hoping we are friends now….”
voice faded and she looked away again.
thought for a moment and tried to ignore the distant pain he felt inside about
being in the friend zone.
he didn’t reply right away Trish added lowly, “…but if I am overstepping a
cut her off, “No, it’s all good. Yes, we are friends…you didn’t cross any
hoped she wouldn’t hear the disappointment through his words.
looked up at him and smiled, “Who would have thought, huh?”
we would become friends.”
smiled at her and nodded, then he took a bite of his sandwich.
he had finished his dinner he said, “It was good, thanks.”
nodded, “You are welcome!”
looked tired but said lowly, “I am thinking about taking a shower and stuff…” “You think you are strong enough to do that?”
I just have to take it easy.”
what do you want me to do?”
wanted to get fresh and into the bathroom but the fever attack had left him
weary and tired. He knew he needed Trish to help him out, but was still shy
about it. Trish pulled the wheelchair up to the bed, “Here, I will help you.”
didn’t want to refuse but even though she had helped him during the day with a
lot more intimate issues, he was still reluctant about accepting her help.
was like Trish could read his mind, “You want your sweat pants or shorts or
was relieved at her question, “Yes, my shorts please.”
handed him his shorts and he replied with a Thank you.
his surprise Trish walked out, “Well, I’ll leave you to it and I will be out there
if you need me.”
off his soaked briefs, and pulled his shorts over his legs and butt, breathing
took him some time and energy to transfer into his chair, he paused for a
moment and he heard Trish calling from outside, “Shawn? Everything O.K. in
plopped into his chair exhausted and a low curse came over his lips.
Shawn came wheeling out of his room, Trish was in the hallway and asked him,
glanced up at her in passing, “Yeah, I am O.K. but that episode last
night and today kicked my ass.”
need to take it easy, Shawn.”
wheeled himself into the bathroom and he came up to the sink and saw himself in
the mirror, “Shit, I look like a mess…I need to shave.”
stood in the hallway and suddenly to his surprise stepped into the bathroom,
leaned down next to his face and looked into the mirror as well, “I agree, you
look like you had a rough time.”
a moment they looked at the mirror images of each other and Shawn felt a surge
of wanting to feel more of her, her body, her lips and her skin on his but
quickly threw the thoughts out again. They were friends only.
took her eyes off of him and stood up, “I will get your shower water ready.”
felt odd of having her in the bathroom with him and didn’t know how to act.
straightened the shower seat, put Shawn’s towel on the small table next to the
shower, “Do you want me to help you get in?”
shook his head, “I got it.”
respected him, “O.K. call me if you need me.”
then walked out and went to his room. She changed the sheets while Shawn was in
the shower. She threw the briefs outside in the trash can and worried about
raccoons she hurried back into the house.
was exhausted after the shower but he had managed to empty his bladder, get cleaned up and even
shaved and brushed his teeth. Trish sat on the recliner, TV on, when Shawn came
wheeling out to the living room looking at her from under his wet bangs.
smiled at him, “You feel better now?”
came rolling over the carpet with the usual difficulties, “Yes, I feel all
in his shorts, no shirt on, Trish felt her heart skip a beat looking at him.
wait for this to come off.” He looked down at his wrist in the cast.
replied, “I bet…”
makes things harder…”
his wheelchair next to the couch but didn’t attempt to get on it.
shifted a little on the recliner and curiously nodded to his wrist, “How did
that really happen anyways?”
smiled weakly, “You really want to know?”
it kind of happened that night after you were here for the so called interview…and
I had acted like a jerk toward you.”
didn’t fully meet her eyes when he continued, “Jesse kicked my ass for it that same
sat up in shock, “What do you mean Shawn? Jesse did this to you?”
carried on, “Well, it wasn’t really Jesse…it was an accident but he was really
pissed off at me and let me have it that night…he felt bad about it right away.
I deserved to get my ass kicked though.”
but you are….” She stopped herself and thought for a moment, “…it wouldn’t be a
fair fight. I would think Jesse should know better…”
I said, he was very sorry but I deserved it.” He looked down and added lowly,
“I almost screwed things up with you by being such an idiot.” He paused, then
added, “I’m very glad you let me have a second chance.”
looked down, “I’m glad I followed my instincts telling me that you were not
really such a jerk and that I should give this a try.”
looked at each other again and Trish thought she saw something in his eyes that
was deep and longing as he held his gaze. She looked away shyly.
added, “Well, your instinct was right…I’m not really a jerk…” he paused, took a
deep breath and said very lowly, “…just a very insecure paraplegic dude, who
has yet to come to terms and some kind of peace with the mess he put himself in.”
was surprised at his declaration and when she glanced up at him, he didn’t look
at her but his head hung and he looked at his hands in his lap.
didn’t know what to respond at first but then said softly, “I think I can help
you with that if you let me…”
looked up slowly and said softly, “I don’t know if anyone can really help me.”
a moment Trish thought about what to say but she couldn’t think of anything and
just looked down again. As Shawn wheeled over to the kitchen she looked after
him and her heart was heavy.
got some water and checked his cell phone which was lying on the table. Jesse
hadn’t called and he was perfectly fine with that. He didn’t want Jesse to
worry about anything.
had stayed on the recliner speechless at Shawn’s comments. She didn’t know how
to respond to what he had said. She had the TV on a sitcom as Shawn came back
into the living room and parked his chair silently.
turned to him, “If you want to watch something else, I don’t mind.”
it’s fine. I’ll probably go to bed soon.”
was a little disappointed at hearing this but she knew he was still tired and
exhausted, “So, I’m off tomorrow.”
if you need or want to go anywhere let me know.”
they both watched the TV for a while and eventually Shawn said, “Well, I think
I will go to bed again.”
looked over to him, “O.K.”
looked at her shyly, “Thanks again for everything.”
is why I am here. No problem.”
put his hand to the rims of his chair, “Good Night then Trish.”
Shawn, I hope you will have a peaceful, spasm-free night.”
smiled and she looked after him as he wheeled with some difficulties back to
his room. As he got there he realized the new sheets on his bed.
wanted to thank her and backed up into the hallway again to call out to her,
replied from the living room, “Yes?”
for the new sheets.“
appeared in the hallway, “You are welcome!”
at her he felt his heart beat fast, “Good Night!”
wheeled into his room and he thought of everything that had happened and he saw
her in his mind. He wished so much she would maybe feel just a little bit more
for him, not as a patient or employer but as a man. He threw the thoughts aside
quickly when he transferred himself into the bed and positioned his legs in his
bed, then pulled up another pair of incontinence briefs over his thin, lifeless
legs. There was no way she would want him for anything beyond friendship or a
person she assisted. He fell back on his pillow.
took him a while to fall asleep. His thoughts still circled around Trish as he
heard her in the kitchen and operating the washer and dryer. He imagined how great
it would be if she would come into his room and touch him or undress in front
of him. All the thoughts around her didn’t provoke any activity to his manhood
let his hand slide into his briefs but there was no action. Ever since the
accident his penis was nothing but the tube that transported the urine from his
kidneys, there was no sexual arousal of any kind. It was usually limp and softly
tucked into the briefs or into his jeans. He knew that some paralyzed men used
medications to get an erection and he knew of some who could still get hard in
a reflex without meds but needed direct stimulation, some men just imagining
stuff or some getting hard with anal stimulation.
him everything seemed dead, he did have some sensation left when it came to his
butt, he sometimes did feel when he would maybe have to use the bathroom, but
it was such a distant feeling that it took him a few tries sometimes. It was
frustrating for him to have lost all the sensation in his lower region. Before
his accident he used to enjoy sex, had never thought twice about it and had went
for it any chance he got. Not too seldom had he woke up in a girl’s apartment
the morning after a crazy night.
sexual activities had been a big part of his personality and Jesse sometimes
used to get on to him for taking advantage of girls and being too wild and
irresponsible with his friends when going out, picking up girls, drinking and
partying a lot.
his sexual performance was wiped out completely, it was not anything he could
identify with anymore, he didn’t know what his purpose was anymore. Fun and
girls was what he had lived and worked for, now he was nobody, just a paralyzed
guy with nothing left. He had no one, his friends had distanced themselves
after the accident, not everyone could handle it, he had no job, barely any
money and wasn’t mobile with a car.
lay in his bed thinking about everything and felt angry once again. Anger
overcame him quite often, usually he would drink and be drunk by the time Jesse
got home from work. Jesse would get mad, get Shawn into bed and the next day
Shawn would find himself hung over, sick; angry but still in a wheelchair.
he would pick a fight with Jesse just because he needed to vent his frustration
somehow and Jesse was usually his punching bag. Having been drunk and depressed
he had literally punched Jesse on a few occasions. Jesse would just hold him
down and usually Shawn would end up with a break down, sometimes crying and
Jesse would just hold him without saying a word but never laid a hand on him.
he could just lay there with Trish in the house. He lay there frustrated and
angry, thinking about how he would never be with a woman in a sexual way and
how he needed to put Trish out of his head. If anything she would most likely
hook up with Jesse or maybe go back to her ex-boyfriend Corey. Even if for some
odd reason Trish would be interested in him in any other way than a friend he
could not satisfy her sexually or even any other way.
almost laughed a little thinking about Trish showing interest in him after she
had witnessed his peeing all over himself and basically having helped him put
his adult diapers on. There was going to be no way she’d be interested in him.
His body was broken and there was nothing he could offer Trish or any other
girl for that matter. Except for possible friendship he needed to put any
thoughts of Trish out of his head for good.
laid awake for another hour but fortunately the spasms had left his body, his
muscles were still and calm. He stared at the ceiling and as much as he tried
he couldn’t stop thinking about Trish. He still heard her outside in the living
room and kitchen. He longed for her so much, he resisted the urge to call; he
had to keep his cool. Eventually he fell into a deep sleep.
still watched TV after Shawn had went back to bed. He had seemed distant when
they said Good Night, she didn’t know if he was just tired or if it was something
else. She had been surprised by what he had said about being an insecure
paraplegic. It was difficult to say the right thing to him and obviously she
had not said the right thing.
heart was heavy thinking about Shawn, she wanted him so bad and he had no idea.
She didn’t know how to go about it, she didn’t know how he felt about her but
she had to make him realize that she was totally into him and everything about
him. She’d have to let some time go by and see what would happen. When she went
to bed that night Shawn was on her mind and she wished so much that eventually
there could maybe be more between them.