Thursday, November 6, 2014

Three's A Crowd Chapter 23

Trish and Shawn are at home together and are now not only personal assistant and employer anymore. They care so much for each other but Shawn can't really understand how Trish can be so into him. There is something about the things she says and the way she treats him that keep him thinking. A call from Jesse is a bit uncomfortable.

Both at the same time felt the twitching in Shawn’s legs and Trish looked up at him, “Your legs?"
“Yeah, I am exhausted. I think I need to shower and get freshened up.”
“Do you need me to help you with anything?”
“I think I can get it. I just need to get in and out of the bathroom before the spasms become more severe. I am sorry Trish. I will try to be quick.”

She understood the apology as a request to get off of his lap. With a smile she wrapped her arms around him once more and said, “I really enjoyed sitting like this with you.”
He smiled, “Good, from now on you have a front row seat on my lap anytime.”
He pulled her close and kissed her softly on the lips.
Trish climbed off of him, “I will change into some dry clothes too.”
For a moment their hands still touched, then they let go off each other and Trish watched Shawn wheel away with some difficulties toward his bathroom.
Even though Shawn had been looking forward to being at home with Trish, now that he felt his body acting up he was getting nervous.

He was still moist from the rain outside when he took off his shirt, draping it over the chair in the bathroom. His hands were shaky, he was possibly dehydrated. He sat in his wheelchair looking at himself in the mirror, his hair was damp and a shadow of a beard was visible. He tried to relax and collect himself before he started to wriggle his sweat pants over his butt, moving from side to side to get the pants off. It was so much easier to take his pants off lying on the bed, but he managed this time even though he felt very unsteady in his trunk and was holding on to the sink to not fall out of his chair.

He pulled his right leg up on his left thigh and pulled off his sock. When he attempted the same with his left sock, he felt a spasm rip through his leg and stopped for a moment watching his leg twitch. Just when he had pulled the sock off, gravity and a spasm let his leg slam back down, hitting the foot rest and probably hurting his foot in the process but he didn’t feel any pain. He felt exhausted and leaned his head on his arm on the sink to catch his breath. Pants and socks were strewn over the bathroom floor.

If Jesse would have been there, he would have asked for help but he had Trish out there instead and he couldn’t bring it over himself to call her into the bathroom, not after they had kissed and bonded on another level.
Trish had seen him almost at his worst when he had fallen in the bathtub or when the spasms had taken over during the week, but at that time they had only been interacting on a patient and assistant level. This line had been crossed now that she had kissed him, and had told him what she really felt for him.

Right at this moment he felt weak and vulnerable and he didn’t want Trish to see him like this. He was exhausted and he knew taking a shower would cost him some strength, but he wanted to try to get it over with. He managed to get his boxers off. He washed his hands thoroughly and opened a new catheter to empty his bladder. Sitting in his wheelchair he watched as the yellow liquid ran through the tubing into the toilet.  

Trish had changed into dry clothes, wearing lounge pants, a tank top and her fuzzy slippers. Rocky the cat was sneaking around the living room soft footed. She fed him and filled his water bowl from the kitchen faucet. Rocky had been without food for two days. As the cat chowed down on its food, Trish looked around in the kitchen to decide on something to cook. She was not very motivated but felt she needed to prepare a light dinner.
She heard the water running in Shawn’s bathroom and walked over there, calling in, “Shawn?”
“Are you very hungry?”
“Not a whole lot.”

After skimming through the cabinets she decided on some Pasta with Marinara Sauce. She got busy in the kitchen while Shawn finished in the shower.
He felt tired and his hands had not stopped shaking, his arms felt weak and heavy as he brushed through his hair. He was barely able to shave his face and pick up his clothes. In front of the sink he took a moment to just breathe and gather some strength before he wheeled back out to the kitchen. 

Trish realized Shawn having to push a little harder over the carpet, breathing quickly as he came rolling into the kitchen. He wore grey sweat pants and white socks, no shirt and Trish tried not to stare at him too much.
He smiled, “Hey.”
“I made some dinner. I hope you are a little bit hungry.”
“I am…,” and glancing at the table he noted, “it looks good.”
Shawn wheeled all the way up to the table and Trish asked him, “How do you feel?”
“I am exhausted but I want to eat a bite.”

Trish finished setting the dinner on the table and getting drinks for them. With her injured hand it was a bit awkward but she managed to put some of the Pasta and sauce on their plates. The only good thing was that it wasn’t her right hand.
Outside the rain was coming down hard now.

During dinner Trish couldn’t help herself glancing over at Shawn a few times. She shyly caught glimpses of his naked chest, the tattoos on his pectorals and on his arms. His biceps and triceps were well defined and toned and with every lift of his spoon she saw the flexion of his muscles. She realized her breathing become faster and she tried to think about something to say. Shawn glanced up and met her eyes with a smile on his face. She looked away quickly and kept eating.

Shawn stopped eating and keeping his eyes on her he asked lowly, “You O.K.?”
Trish nodded and looked back up at Shawn shyly, “Were you kind of wild before...” She paused, then finished her question lowly, “…before the accident?”
Shawn wondered what had initiated the question.
He grinned mischievously, “It depends on what you consider wild?”
Trish didn’t have to answer, he knew exactly what she was talking about.
After a moment he answered seriously, “I don’t know. You probably wouldn’t have liked me very much, we possibly would have never met.”
“You may be wrong with that assumption. What was so horrible about you that I would have not liked?”
Shawn looked down and said lowly, “I don’t know, I was different then…I didn’t care too much about other people’s feelings, I guess I was selfish sometimes.”
“You mean you didn’t care if you hurt someone or not?”
Drifting off in thoughts he pondered, “I used to think for a while that I got punished with the accident for the way I was…like some higher power decided I needed to be put in my place…I don’t know.”
Trish leaned in closer, “So what is different with you now?”
Surprised at how close she was to him, he swallowed, “Everything.”
She looked at him with her clear blue eyes and smiled, “Maybe not, you’re still the same guy you was but just under different circumstances now. Sometimes it’s the pain and hurt that bring out the real personality in someone. Maybe you are more genuine now than you ever was before the accident?”
Shawn shrugged his shoulders.
His voice trembled, “I can’t believe I almost screwed everything up with you coming here and stuff. I am so glad you changed your mind about me.”
Trish took his hand and moved in even closer, “I’m glad I changed my mind too. I really like you very much Shawn and I’m totally O.K. with this,” she nodded at his wheelchair, “and with the way you are now.”

Moving right up to his face and stroking with her hand through his hair she pressed her lips on his and they kissed. She pushed him into the backrest of his chair gently and let her hands travel over his bare chest and down his arms.  She felt very excited about the way he was and she kissed him hard and long, scooting to the edge of her chair.

With his hands Shawn touched her face and stroking though her hair, he felt the soft long strands in between his fingers. He let his hand rest on her waist, the fingertips of his casted left hand touching her arm. When Trish attempted to unlock her lips from his she felt Shawn’s resistance as he kept holding her close to him.
He didn’t want the kiss to end, Trish felt so good for him. As he moved his hand up and down her back, he felt the curve of her waist and her spine through the thin material of her tank top.
Everything felt so immensely good but one thing was missing; his arousal stopped right under his chest cavity, the nerve signals from his brain not transferring his arousal any further into his groins or legs. Below his T-6 vertebrae he was completely numb and a quick test touch to his manhood showed no sign of life at all. Once again the harsh reality of his injury brought him to slow down his kissing, and let the kiss fade until they detached their lips from one another.

He hung his head and Trish asked lowly, “What is it, Shawn?”
“Nothing!” He looked up at her and took her hands in his, “You feel so good for me.”
His voice trembled, “I like you so much Trish but I don’t know. What are we doing?”
Trish leaned her head questioning, “What do you mean?”
He let her hands go and wheeled himself backwards a bit, looking at her from a short distance away, “I mean us…I don’t know…do you even have any idea about all the shit I am dealing with,” he gestured at his legs, “…there’s a lot of not so attractive stuff going on with me…I don’t know if I can really do this Trish, this whole thing with you and me. It wasn’t supposed to go down like this…also the deal with you and Jesse…what was all that about?”

Trish got off her chair and squatting down in front of Shawn she looked up at him and declared softly, “Shawn, I will say this over and over again, I think I have a really good idea of what is going on with you and I know there are things you don’t want me to know or see but what if I tell you it may turn me on and I have no problem with all those things you hate so much about being paraplegic. I like you and I like you being a para in a wheelchair, you are very attractive to me with everything that comes with your disability. You may not be comfortable with me seeing some of those things but I like you very much and I think we can have a good thing if you let me in on everything you are dealing with on a daily basis.”
Shawn shook his head a little, “I don’t know if I can Trish.”
She pressed her hands on his knees, “Shawn, we can take it as slow or as fast as you want…I will go with whatever pace you choose. Please give me a chance!”

Shawn was surprised at her last sentence. It sounded like something he should be saying to her but there was Trish basically begging him to give her a shot at getting with him. He liked her, she was beautiful, fun and smart but no matter what; it was still difficult for him to believe how Trish could really be so into him.

He took her hands and pulled her up, “Sit on my lap again!”
She wriggled herself onto Shawn’s lap and he held her close and buried his face in her hair whispering, “Trish how can you be my personal assistant when we care for each other beyond that…how can we make this work? With all the things that are going on with me…how?”
She leaned close to him with her hands around his neck, “Shawn, when you fell in the bathtub last week, I didn’t think anything weird about it, I just wanted to help you because I care about you. When you had those horrible spasms torturing your body I just wanted to be there for you and help you make it through that episode. I didn’t care about what was going on with you in the sense of you not being in control of some of your most private urges but I just wanted to be there by your side and help you with whatever you needed. I like you very much and no matter what you think, you are the hottest man I’ve ever met and I’ve dreamt of meeting someone like you for a long time.”

Shawn looked at her with sad eyes, “I just don’t understand how that can be but I hope you realize I’ll never be any different again as in walking or other things. This is how I am always going to be and I have issues all the time. I get sick constantly, I’m stuck in my bed for days when I battle those freaking spasms, I don’t have any control over some…” he swallowed, “…very intimate things…I’m not exactly a stallion in bed…are you sure about this whole deal with me being your dream guy? I don’t get it Trish.”
“Well, it’s the truth Shawn. What can I say? I think because I have some knowledge about disabilities and the things that come with it, we can be more than a personal assistant and a patient. Shawn, I really believe we can make this a very good thing.”
He let his fingers run through her hair and said lowly, “I need to take my time with all of this.”
Trish stroked over his cheek, “Shawn, I’ll let you have all the time you need, but I want you to trust me when you need help. I’m here for you in any way you want.”
With his hand on the back of her head he pulled her in for another kiss, holding her close and tight and thinking about how lucky he was with Trish in his life.

When their kiss subsided Shawn softly let his fingers travel up and down Trish’s back, “How is your hand?”
Trish glanced at her bandaged hand, “The pain meds are working but it does suck I guess. I have to cancel my water aerobics class and I don’t think I can miss too many days of work. I definitely want to go back next week.”
“Only if you feel up to it but you still have to take it easy with your hand.”
“I’ll miss my water aerobics though, I love being in the water…” she smiled, “…and I still plan on getting you into the pool.”
“Oh really?”
Trish nodded, “I think you will like it. Did you like to go swimming and stuff before the accident?”
“Yeah, in the summer when it was hot we did spend a lot of time at the lake, fishing, hanging out or barbecuing.”
“We will do that again.”
Shawn shrugged his shoulders, “Maybe.”
Trish gave him a quick kiss, “No maybe.”
She laughed and asked him, “Are you still eating?”
“Yeah, I guess I was until we got all deep into our conversation.“ 
Shawn expected Trish to get off his lap but instead she held on to him and said softly, “I don’t want to get up, I love sitting on your lap.”
He smiled, “It’ll be difficult for me to eat.”
He put his hands to his rims and pushed his chair toward the table. Trish smiled and squealed lowly holding on to Shawn’s neck.
At the table she said with a little fake pout, “O.K. I guess I’ll get off then.”
She got off Shawn’s lap, and sat on the chair next to him again.
After dinner they cleared the table and cleaned up the kitchen.
Both were tired but headed for the living room.
Shawn wheeled up to the couch and said, “I have to lay down now…I’m done.”
Spams had been plaguing him the whole time but so far he managed to go without his medication.

Trish plopped onto the far end of the couch. Shawn felt odd having Trish sitting right there watching him as he went for the transfer. He kept his eyes down but he felt her alert eyes on him. He fell on the couch with a sigh of relieve and was about to adjust his legs, which were still dangling halfway off the couch when Trish asked, “Can I do it Shawn?”
He looked at her curiously and Trish clarified her request, “Can I position your legs on the couch?”
He swallowed and thought for a moment, then shrugged his shoulders, “I guess.”

Trish gently grabbed Shawn’s right leg and pulled it up onto the couch. It felt thin but still somewhat heavy and lifeless in the sweat pants, almost like it wasn’t really a part of Shawn’s body. He watched her closely and witnessed her full attention to his legs and her careful and gentle touches as she placed them onto the couch, adjusting them parallel to each other.

He was intrigued at how much care Trish put into the task of moving his legs onto the couch. It was a very peculiar moment for him and something he never pictured before. There was almost a spiritual touch on Trish’s face when she moved his legs. When she looked up at him she directly met Shawn’s eyes on her and she saw his curious look. Quickly she looked away embarrassed, realizing how she had been totally lost in the moment.
She asked softly, “Are they O.K. like this?”
He nodded, realizing her insecurity and stretched his hand out toward her, “Come here.”

Hesitantly she took his hand and moved up to him, lying partly on him, burying her face in his neck. She felt arousal coming on as she lay on Shawn who took her face and looked at her with deep dark eyes, “Thanks, they’re perfect.”
She could hardly stand his gaze and looked away again.
Shawn said lowly, “You O.K.? It feels like you are shaking a little.”

She did feel shaky and very aroused laying with him and having touched his legs; it had stirred emotions of a very deep longing inside of her. Having Shawn, who had no real idea about her feelings toward his disability, right there with her, made her heart skip beats. The fact of his struggles, and that this man who was so perfect to her but imperfect to the rest of the world, imagining him walking before and now never walking again, made her tremble throughout her whole body. She was so turned on by him and his story and it was difficult to contain her emotions which were trying to burst through with full force.

Shawn had no idea, he couldn’t understand how she could be so attracted to him and Trish knew he was trying to figure it out but in the end he had no clue there were women who would give anything to be with a man like him, paralyzed and imperfect to society but more than perfect to them; everything they wanted in a man, devoted to him and his disability and not thinking twice about it.

Trish was one of those women and she was still trying to grasp the fact at how lucky she was to now not only having to fantasize about a man like that anymore but to have found one all to herself and planning a life with him, whatever it would take. She couldn’t let Shawn go anymore, this was her shot at fulfilling her deepest desires to make it real and to finally live the life she wanted with a paraplegic man.
She leaned down and buried her face again, whispering in his ear, “Shawn, just hold me please!”
Shawn was astonished at Trish’s obvious emotional moment and he was worried he had been wrong to let her touch his legs, asking her softly, “Trish, are you O.K.? Is it something I did?”
She whispered, “No, everything is good. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, Shawn.”

He had to be satisfied with her answer, but still wondered. He didn’t want to do anything wrong, he could feel himself falling for her and it scared him because no matter what she had told him or said to him, he still didn’t fully understand and he had not expected to actually ever finding a girl again who would care for him more than a friend. She was a woman who could have any other guy and for a moment he remembered Trish’s ex-boyfriend Corey, who possibly still cared for her and it scared him so much. In a way he was reluctant to let his feelings for her go any further because the thought of losing her again gave him chills. He didn’t know if he could actually bear something like that happening but the longing to have her in his life was so much stronger than the fear of losing her and he couldn’t ignore his feelings for her getting deeper and deeper.

Then there was Jesse and the thought of his brother somehow feeling anything beyond friendship for Trish scared him tremendously. Jesse had slept with her but he had told him he didn’t love her and that is was nothing but deep inside Shawn feared otherwise. He pulled Trish to him tightly and smelled her hair and felt the warmth and weight of her body on him and he wanted the moment to last forever.

They laid cuddled together with the TV on and after about 30 minutes Trish was asleep on Shawn. It was only eight o’clock then and they were startled when Shawn’s cell phone over on the kitchen counter played its ringtone.
Trish jumped and was confused for just a moment, then scrambled off of Shawn to get the phone, “It’s Jesse.”
She answered sleepily, “Hey Jesse!”
“Trish, how are you?”
“I’m good!”
“Are you at home yet?”
Trish moved over to the recliner and answered, “Yes, we got home today around noon, I got discharged this morning.”
Shawn turned the volume on the TV down with the remote.
Jesse inquired, “How’s your hand?”
She told him about her hand and how everything was.
Eventually Jesse said, “Well, I am sure glad you are home again…I’m worried about everything.”
“Don’t worry Jesse, we are fine.”
“Is Shawn behaving?”
“Yes, he is doing well too. He’s is laying right here on the couch, we were watching TV.”
“Can I talk to him?”
“Of course, here he is.”

 She handed the phone to Shawn, who greeted his brother, “Hey man!”
“Hey little bro. What’s going on?”
“Not much, actually everything is good, I’m feeling good, just tired...we didn’t get a lot of sleep in the hospital.”
“So they let you stay overnight?”
“Yes, they let me stay with Trish but sleep was not really happening. I’ll probably have to hit the sack here in a moment before I fall asleep on the couch.”
“Yeah, well they changed our schedule down here. We will start working in the evenings and nights so I will be sleeping during the day. They decided it was better to work nights to not interrupt the flow of traffic too much.”
“Are you cool with that?”
“Yeah, we’ll get paid more too. That’s a good thing.”
“It sure is.”

They talked a bit more about Jesse’s work until Jesse asked, “So everything with you and Trish is going good then?”
Shawn thought for a moment wondering if Jesse somehow had any idea about Trish and him, “Yeah, it’s going good. We get along and everything.”
“Is she helping you with stuff?”
“Yes, but I’m doing good with everything on my own too.”
“No spasms or problems lately?”
“Just a little last week, but it’s been good since then. I felt a bit weak earlier, but I think it was just the stress over the weekend. I just need to rest.”
“When is Trish going back to work?”
“She’s aiming for next week.”
Jesse took on a suspicious tone, “So how did this happen again?”
Shawn thought about his answer, “She cut her hand.”
“I know that, how did she cut her hand?”
“She…she fell Saturday night.”
Jesse sounded somewhat edgy, “I see you’re not going to tell me the truth…”
“Jesse, what are you talking about, she fell…”
“Shawn, do you think I’m stupid? I know that’s not all but I won’t keep bugging you about it…Whatever the deal is, I’ll let it rest but don’t lie to me.”
“What’s your problem Jesse?”
“I don’t have a problem but I know you are keeping stuff from me…but oh well, I’ll let you get to bed now.”
Shawn was thrown off by Jesse’s change of tone and he wondered what Jesse suspected.
He tried to change the subject, “Well, I hope you will be all right with the shift change and stuff.”
“It will be fine. More money to change things for YOU in the house.”
Jesse had said the words in a judgmental tone, emphasizing on the “you” and Shawn was getting a little angry, “What is going on Jesse?”
“Nothing, I am just saying! I am making more money so we can make life better for you. That’s all.”
Shawn didn’t know how to react at his brother’s statement. Jesse sounded sarcastic.
“Do you want to talk to Trish again?”
Jesse answered, “No, tell her Bye from me!”
“All right then, take care Jesse.”
“You too, I’ll call you guys again when I can.”
They said Good Bye and hung up.

After Shawn had clicked the call off, he turned to Trish, “He sounded really weird.”
Trish nodded, “Yeah, he did.”
“It’s like he knows something is going on.”
“We have to tell him sometime, Shawn. We can’t keep it a secret…we owe it to him.”
“I don’t know how he will react…he sounds pissed off already.”
“I know.”
“The day he left I asked him about you and him and he said it was nothing, just…” Shawn paused and looked down, “…you know?”
Trish nodded, “That’s what he told me and I know that, I was O.K. with it.”
Shawn looked at her with serious eyes, “Why did you sleep with him?”
Trish sighed, “I don’t know…I was lonely, he was nice…please let’s not go there…maybe we can forget about it.”
Shawn said lowly, “It doesn’t seem like Jesse has forgotten about it after all.”
Trish got up, “I’m pretty tired and want to go to sleep.”

Shawn knew she was trying to avoid the conversation and even though it gnawed on him thinking about Trish and Jesse he didn’t want to make her angry, “Trish, I’m sorry…I’m just….” She turned to look at him and he continued, “I’m just worried…what if he does have feelings for you? That would be a really messed up situation…he’s my brother.”
Trish walked over to him and squatted down next to the couch, “We’ll deal with that if it happens…I want you Shawn.”
She smiled and stroked over his cheek. He lowered his eyes.
Trish said, “Let’s go to sleep. We’re both tired.”
He nodded and sat up supporting his body with his arms.
Trish saw his muscles working as he held himself up, “Can you push my chair over a little?”

She did as told and Shawn went to transfer over into his chair, breathing quickly as it always cost him some strength. His legs slid off the couch, following his body and hung over the couch somewhat awkward . Shawn held on to the sides of his wheelchair seat pulling himself upright. Once in the chair he took a moment to get his trunk balance and was about to arrange his legs when Trish stepped up, “I got them.”
Shawn stopped her, “I can do it Trish. It seems like it was weird for you earlier.”
She took his hand which had reached for her, “No, I want to do it Shawn. It is not weird for me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am very sure.”

He leaned back in exhaustion and watched her gently place his sock footed feet on the foot rest of the chair, first the left one, then the right one. She was fully concentrating on the task again and when his legs were positioned she let her hand slide up his shins and to his knee almost like a gentle stroking of his legs. Shawn watched her curiously and felt an emotion come up inside this time, almost like an arousal watching Trish’s loving expression, the gentleness of her hands on his lifeless legs like they were something special to her and he felt so drawn to her care and wondering what it was that made her touch his legs with this kind of admiration that he couldn’t explain. For a moment she stroked his legs and Shawn just watched her.
Finally she looked up at him and smiled, “Are you ready?”
Shawn seemed lost and Trish added, “To go to sleep?”
He snapped out of the moment, “Sure.”
She stood up and he followed her with his eyes, still amazed at the preceding moments. 
Trish asked, “Do you need me to help you with anything?”
“No, I am good.”

Shawn put his hands to his rims and wheeled to his bathroom. He brushed his teeth and then wheeled into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. He pulled one of the incontinence briefs out and threw it on his bed. After he had transferred onto his bed he pulled his sweat pants off. It was hard for him to pull his pants off anytime but when he had the choice he always liked doing it on his bed lying down. It was still a hassle and once he had pulled the briefs up he almost didn’t feel like pulling his sweats back over his legs but decided it would be better. He was exhausted then and just laid there. He had not even said anything to Trish and now his door was closed.
He thought about calling her but just then it knocked softly, “Shawn?”
“Can I come in?”

The door opened and Trish stood there in his door frame smiling in a sleep suit with shorts and a tank top, “There’s someone else who wants to come in here.”
Shawn held himself up on his elbows, looking up in question and at that moment, Rocky jumped up on his bed and started finding a good spot to lie down, pressing his paws into the blanket.
Trish came over to the bed and sat on the edge, “You just disappeared a while ago.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to just leave you.”
Trish smiled, “Are you O.K.?”
Shawn let his head fall back on the pillow, “Yeah, just totally beat.”
“Me too, my hand hurts a little bit now.”
“You should take some pain meds then.”
“I already did.”
They were quiet for a moment and Shawn stroked Trish’s hair hanging down.
She looked down shyly, “Would it be O.K. for me to lay with you?”
Shawn was surprised and didn’t know what to say for a moment.
He pushed himself up again on his elbows, “Well, I don’t know…is there enough room? I guess I could move over a bit maybe…”
Trish whispered, “You don’t have to if you don’t want me to.”
Shawn said lowly, “No, it’s O.K.”

He sat up and pulled himself over toward the wall with some heavy breaths. He plopped back on the pillow, exhausted. Trish lifted the sheet and blanket and crawled in next to Shawn. Shawn was very nervous at her suggestion as he didn’t know what she expected by sharing the bed with him.
His breathing came quickly and Trish sensed his apprehension, “Don’t worry…I just want to lay next to you.”

In a way he was relieved to hear her say that but on another thought he was somewhat disappointed that she had already wiped out any sexual thought toward him, like it wasn’t even an option to maybe sleep together, like she wasn’t considering it at all. Trish got comfortable next to him and snuggled up against him, “Are you O.K.?”
“Yeah, are you comfy?”
He looked over at her and said softly, “I don’t really move a whole lot, I’m pretty much stuck on my back, so I won’t budge a lot if it should get too tight for you.”
Trish laid on his arm, snuggled against his chest, “I think I am O.K.”

She then held her head up on her hand smiling at Shawn, as he said lowly, “I still keep thinking this is just a dream…you here with me.”
“It’s not…it’s real Shawn.”
His eyes were dark and shiny, “I can’t believe it though; how can I be so lucky?”
Trish leaned down over him, “I am the lucky one.”
Shawn smiled, “Well, maybe we are just both lucky.”
“Yes, we are.”

With that they kissed long and passionately. Shawn tried not to think about it but couldn’t help sex crossing his mind while he laid there kissing Trish. Before the accident there would have been no hesitation on his part to move right on in with a girl in his bed, now he kept his hands on her back and waist, let his fingers run through her hair and just kissed her, not giving her any other ideas.

Trish stroked her hands through his hair and around his neck, down his arms and over his chest and he hoped that she wouldn’t try to take this any further or move her hands below his waist.
Just that is what she did as her right hand travelled down his chest for a moment he could still feel her and suddenly the sensation was gone like her hand had disappeared. He moved his own hand down quickly to search for hers and found it right on his waistline. He pulled her hand up almost in a panic and unlocked his lips from hers, breathing shallow and without looking at her he whispered, “Trish, please don’t….I can’t…”
Trish put her hand to his cheek, “I’m sorry…I’m sorry Shawn.”
He muffled in her hair, “I can’t do this…please understand.”
She whispered while stroking through his hair, “I’m sorry Shawn…you’re so hard to resist for me but I know I was out of line…I know I need to move slow…I’m so sorry.”

He felt bad having stopped her that way and how she kept apologizing to him.
He tried to explain, “Trish, you…you are a girl any guy would dream about being with. You’re beautiful, smart, funny and sexy as hell. I feel so unbelievably lucky to have you here with me…I care a whole lot about you but I can’t take this to the next level…not yet. Please know that it is difficult for me to tell you this way but I am not ready to move this below the waistline…please understand. It’s not you, it’s me and it’s my problem, things don’t work the way they used to for me if you know what I mean…I hope you can give me the time I need…” he laughed a little, “….and I would have never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would basically turn down sex with a girl like you.” He laughed at himself, “Talking about a messed up turn of events.”
Trish looked him deep in the eyes, “I want to give you all the time you need. I care too much about you than to mess this up…”
He pulled her to him, “Thanks for understanding.”
She gave him a small kiss, and then said, “Maybe we need to sleep now.”

For a moment they laid in each other’s arms, then they kissed Good Night and Trish turned off the lamp on the nightstand. She fell asleep close to Shawn, he laid awake for a bit thinking about how this could be, thinking if maybe finally he deserved a break from almost two years of pain, anger and denial and sometimes having felt so very alone.

During the night it kept raining and Trish woke up once around three o’clock and felt for Shawn next to her. He laid unchanged on his back, one arm over his head and one hand on the blanket over his belly. His breathing was soft, heat was coming from him. Trish cuddled close to him again and adjusted the blanket. She placed her hand on his chest and felt the soft fluff of hair on it, feeling his heart beat in a steady rhythm. With a deep breath of contentment she closed her eyes and fell asleep soon after.


  1. Very touching.

  2. So sweet, you don't disappoint!

  3. I love the tenderness between them. Excellent installment!