Trish and Shawn are at home together and are now not only personal assistant and employer anymore. They care so much for each other but Shawn can't really understand how Trish can be so into him. There is something about the things she says and the way she treats him that keep him thinking. A call from Jesse is a bit uncomfortable.
at the same time felt the twitching in Shawn’s legs and Trish looked up at him,
I am exhausted. I think I need to shower and get freshened up.”
you need me to help you with anything?”
think I can get it. I just need to get in and out of the bathroom before the
spasms become more severe. I am sorry Trish. I will try to be quick.”
understood the apology as a request to get off of his lap. With a smile she
wrapped her arms around him once more and said, “I really enjoyed sitting like
this with you.”
smiled, “Good, from now on you have a front row seat on my lap anytime.”
pulled her close and kissed her softly on the lips.
climbed off of him, “I will change into some dry clothes too.”
a moment their hands still touched, then they let go off each other and Trish
watched Shawn wheel away with some difficulties toward his bathroom.
though Shawn had been looking forward to being at home with Trish, now that he
felt his body acting up he was getting nervous.
was still moist from the rain outside when he took off his shirt, draping it
over the chair in the bathroom. His hands were shaky, he was possibly
dehydrated. He sat in his wheelchair looking at himself in the mirror, his hair
was damp and a shadow of a beard was visible. He tried to relax and collect
himself before he started to wriggle his sweat pants over his butt, moving from
side to side to get the pants off. It was so much easier to take his pants off
lying on the bed, but he managed this time even though he felt very unsteady in
his trunk and was holding on to the sink to not fall out of his chair.
pulled his right leg up on his left thigh and pulled off his sock. When he
attempted the same with his left sock, he felt a spasm rip through his leg and
stopped for a moment watching his leg twitch. Just when he had pulled the sock
off, gravity and a spasm let his leg slam back down, hitting the foot rest and probably
hurting his foot in the process but he didn’t feel any pain. He felt exhausted
and leaned his head on his arm on the sink to catch his breath. Pants and socks
were strewn over the bathroom floor.
Jesse would have been there, he would have asked for help but he had Trish out
there instead and he couldn’t bring it over himself to call her into the
bathroom, not after they had kissed and bonded on another level.
had seen him almost at his worst when he had fallen in the bathtub or when the
spasms had taken over during the week, but at that time they had only been
interacting on a patient and assistant level. This line had been crossed now
that she had kissed him, and had told him what she really felt for him.
at this moment he felt weak and vulnerable and he didn’t want Trish to see him
like this. He was exhausted and he knew taking a shower would cost him some
strength, but he wanted to try to get it over with. He managed to get his
boxers off. He washed his hands thoroughly and opened a new catheter to empty
his bladder. Sitting in his wheelchair he watched as the yellow liquid ran
through the tubing into the toilet.
had changed into dry clothes, wearing lounge pants, a tank top and her fuzzy
slippers. Rocky the cat was sneaking around the living room soft footed. She
fed him and filled his water bowl from the kitchen faucet. Rocky had been
without food for two days. As the cat chowed down on its food, Trish looked
around in the kitchen to decide on something to cook. She was not very
motivated but felt she needed to prepare a light dinner.
heard the water running in Shawn’s bathroom and walked over there, calling in,
you very hungry?”
a whole lot.”
skimming through the cabinets she decided on some Pasta with Marinara Sauce.
She got busy in the kitchen while Shawn finished in the shower.
felt tired and his hands had not stopped shaking, his arms felt weak and heavy
as he brushed through his hair. He was barely able to shave his face and pick
up his clothes. In front of the sink he took a moment to just breathe and
gather some strength before he wheeled back out to the kitchen.
realized Shawn having to push a little harder over the carpet, breathing quickly
as he came rolling into the kitchen. He wore grey sweat pants and white
socks, no shirt and Trish tried not to stare at him too much.
some dinner. I hope you are a little bit hungry.”
am…,” and glancing at the table he noted, “it looks good.”
wheeled all the way up to the table and Trish asked him, “How do you feel?”
am exhausted but I want to eat a bite.”
finished setting the dinner on the table and getting drinks for them. With her
injured hand it was a bit awkward but she managed to put some of the Pasta and
sauce on their plates. The only good thing was that it wasn’t her right hand.
the rain was coming down hard now.
dinner Trish couldn’t help herself glancing over at Shawn a few times. She
shyly caught glimpses of his naked chest, the tattoos on his pectorals and on
his arms. His biceps and triceps were well defined and toned and with every
lift of his spoon she saw the flexion of his muscles. She realized her
breathing become faster and she tried to think about something to say. Shawn
glanced up and met her eyes with a smile on his face. She looked away quickly
and kept eating.
stopped eating and keeping his eyes on her he asked lowly, “You O.K.?”
nodded and looked back up at Shawn shyly, “Were you kind of wild before...” She
paused, then finished her question lowly, “…before the accident?”
wondered what had initiated the question.
grinned mischievously, “It depends on what you consider wild?”
didn’t have to answer, he knew exactly what she was talking about.
a moment he answered seriously, “I don’t know. You probably wouldn’t have liked
me very much, we possibly would have never met.”
may be wrong with that assumption. What was so horrible about you that I would
have not liked?”
looked down and said lowly, “I don’t know, I was different then…I didn’t care
too much about other people’s feelings, I guess I was selfish sometimes.”
mean you didn’t care if you hurt someone or not?”
off in thoughts he pondered, “I used to think for a while that I got punished
with the accident for the way I was…like some higher power decided I needed to
be put in my place…I don’t know.”
leaned in closer, “So what is different with you now?”
at how close she was to him, he swallowed, “Everything.”
looked at him with her clear blue eyes and smiled, “Maybe not, you’re still the
same guy you was but just under different circumstances now. Sometimes it’s the
pain and hurt that bring out the real personality in someone. Maybe you are
more genuine now than you ever was before the accident?”
shrugged his shoulders.
voice trembled, “I can’t believe I almost screwed everything up with you coming
here and stuff. I am so glad you changed your mind about me.”
took his hand and moved in even closer, “I’m glad I changed my mind too. I
really like you very much Shawn and I’m totally O.K. with this,” she nodded at
his wheelchair, “and with the way you are now.”
right up to his face and stroking with her hand through his hair she pressed her
lips on his and they kissed. She pushed him into the backrest of his chair
gently and let her hands travel over his bare chest and down his arms. She felt very excited about the way he was
and she kissed him hard and long, scooting to the edge of her chair.
his hands Shawn touched her face and stroking though her hair, he felt the soft
long strands in between his fingers. He let his hand rest on her waist, the
fingertips of his casted left hand touching her arm. When Trish attempted to
unlock her lips from his she felt Shawn’s resistance as he kept holding her
close to him.
want the kiss to end, Trish felt so good for him. As he moved his hand up and
down her back, he felt the curve of her waist and her spine through the thin
material of her tank top.
felt so immensely good but one thing was missing; his arousal stopped right under
his chest cavity, the nerve signals from his brain not transferring his arousal
any further into his groins or legs. Below his T-6 vertebrae he was completely numb
and a quick test touch to his manhood showed no sign of life at all. Once again
the harsh reality of his injury brought him to slow down his kissing, and let the
kiss fade until they detached their lips from one another.
hung his head and Trish asked lowly, “What is it, Shawn?”
He looked up at her and took her hands in his, “You feel so good for me.”
voice trembled, “I like you so much Trish but I don’t know. What are we doing?”
leaned her head questioning, “What do you mean?”
let her hands go and wheeled himself backwards a bit, looking at her from a
short distance away, “I mean us…I don’t know…do you even have any idea about
all the shit I am dealing with,” he gestured at his legs, “…there’s a lot of
not so attractive stuff going on with me…I don’t know if I can really do this
Trish, this whole thing with you and me. It wasn’t supposed to go down like
this…also the deal with you and Jesse…what was all that about?”
got off her chair and squatting down in front of Shawn she looked up at him and
declared softly, “Shawn, I will say this over and over again, I think I have a
really good idea of what is going on with you and I know there are things you
don’t want me to know or see but what if I tell you it may turn me on and I
have no problem with all those things you hate so much about being paraplegic.
I like you and I like you being a para in a wheelchair, you are very attractive
to me with everything that comes with your disability. You may not be
comfortable with me seeing some of those things but I like you very much and I
think we can have a good thing if you let me in on everything you are dealing
with on a daily basis.”
shook his head a little, “I don’t know if I can Trish.”
pressed her hands on his knees, “Shawn, we can take it as slow or as fast as
you want…I will go with whatever pace you choose. Please give me a chance!”
was surprised at her last sentence. It sounded like something he should be
saying to her but there was Trish basically begging him to give her a shot at
getting with him. He liked her, she was beautiful, fun and smart but no matter
what; it was still difficult for him to believe how Trish could really be so into
took her hands and pulled her up, “Sit on my lap again!”
wriggled herself onto Shawn’s lap and he held her close and buried his face in
her hair whispering, “Trish how can you be my personal assistant when we care
for each other beyond that…how can we make this work? With all the things that
are going on with me…how?”
leaned close to him with her hands around his neck, “Shawn, when you fell in
the bathtub last week, I didn’t think anything weird about it, I just wanted to
help you because I care about you. When you had those horrible spasms torturing
your body I just wanted to be there for you and help you make it through that
episode. I didn’t care about what was going on with you in the sense of you not
being in control of some of your most private urges but I just wanted to be
there by your side and help you with whatever you needed. I like you very much
and no matter what you think, you are the hottest man I’ve ever met and I’ve
dreamt of meeting someone like you for a long time.”
looked at her with sad eyes, “I just don’t understand how that can be but I
hope you realize I’ll never be any different again as in walking or other
things. This is how I am always going to be and I have issues all the time. I
get sick constantly, I’m stuck in my bed for days when I battle those freaking
spasms, I don’t have any control over some…” he swallowed, “…very intimate
things…I’m not exactly a stallion in bed…are you sure about this whole deal
with me being your dream guy? I don’t get it Trish.”
it’s the truth Shawn. What can I say? I think because I have some knowledge
about disabilities and the things that come with it, we can be more than a
personal assistant and a patient. Shawn, I really believe we can make this a
very good thing.”
let his fingers run through her hair and said lowly, “I need to take my time
with all of this.”
stroked over his cheek, “Shawn, I’ll let you have all the time you need, but I
want you to trust me when you need help. I’m here for you in any way you want.”
his hand on the back of her head he pulled her in for another kiss, holding her
close and tight and thinking about how lucky he was with Trish in his life.
their kiss subsided Shawn softly let his fingers travel up and down Trish’s
back, “How is your hand?”
glanced at her bandaged hand, “The pain meds are working but it does suck I
guess. I have to cancel my water aerobics class and I don’t think I can miss
too many days of work. I definitely want to go back next week.”
if you feel up to it but you still have to take it easy with your hand.”
miss my water aerobics though, I love being in the water…” she smiled, “…and I
still plan on getting you into the pool.”
nodded, “I think you will like it. Did you like to go swimming and stuff before
in the summer when it was hot we did spend a lot of time at the lake, fishing, hanging
out or barbecuing.”
will do that again.”
shrugged his shoulders, “Maybe.”
gave him a quick kiss, “No maybe.”
laughed and asked him, “Are you still eating?”
I guess I was until we got all deep into our conversation.“
expected Trish to get off his lap but instead she held on to him and said
softly, “I don’t want to get up, I love sitting on your lap.”
smiled, “It’ll be difficult for me to eat.”
put his hands to his rims and pushed his chair toward the table. Trish smiled
and squealed lowly holding on to Shawn’s neck.
the table she said with a little fake pout, “O.K. I guess I’ll get off then.”
got off Shawn’s lap, and sat on the chair next to him again.
dinner they cleared the table and cleaned up the kitchen.
were tired but headed for the living room.
wheeled up to the couch and said, “I have to lay down now…I’m done.”
had been plaguing him the whole time but so far he managed to go without his
plopped onto the far end of the couch. Shawn felt odd having Trish sitting
right there watching him as he went for the transfer. He kept his eyes down but
he felt her alert eyes on him. He fell on the couch with a sigh of relieve and
was about to adjust his legs, which were still dangling halfway off the couch when
Trish asked, “Can I do it Shawn?”
looked at her curiously and Trish clarified her request, “Can I position your
legs on the couch?”
swallowed and thought for a moment, then shrugged his shoulders, “I guess.”
gently grabbed Shawn’s right leg and pulled it up onto the couch. It felt thin
but still somewhat heavy and lifeless in the sweat pants, almost like it wasn’t
really a part of Shawn’s body. He watched her closely and witnessed her full
attention to his legs and her careful and gentle touches as she placed them
onto the couch, adjusting them parallel to each other.
was intrigued at how much care Trish put into the task of moving his legs onto
the couch. It was a very peculiar moment for him and something he never
pictured before. There was almost a spiritual touch on Trish’s face when she
moved his legs. When she looked up at him she directly met Shawn’s eyes on her
and she saw his curious look. Quickly she looked away embarrassed, realizing
how she had been totally lost in the moment.
asked softly, “Are they O.K. like this?”
nodded, realizing her insecurity and stretched his hand out toward her, “Come
she took his hand and moved up to him, lying partly on him, burying her face
in his neck. She felt arousal coming on as she lay on Shawn who took her face
and looked at her with deep dark eyes, “Thanks, they’re perfect.”
could hardly stand his gaze and looked away again.
said lowly, “You O.K.? It feels like you are shaking a little.”
did feel shaky and very aroused laying with him and having touched his legs; it
had stirred emotions of a very deep longing inside of her. Having Shawn, who
had no real idea about her feelings toward his disability, right there with her,
made her heart skip beats. The fact of his struggles, and that this man who was
so perfect to her but imperfect to the rest of the world, imagining him walking
before and now never walking again, made her tremble throughout her whole body.
She was so turned on by him and his story and it was difficult to contain her
emotions which were trying to burst through with full force.
had no idea, he couldn’t understand how she could be so attracted to him and Trish
knew he was trying to figure it out but in the end he had no clue there were
women who would give anything to be with a man like him, paralyzed and
imperfect to society but more than perfect to them; everything they wanted in a
man, devoted to him and his disability and not thinking twice about it.
was one of those women and she was still trying to grasp the fact at how lucky
she was to now not only having to fantasize about a man like that anymore but
to have found one all to herself and planning a life with him, whatever it
would take. She couldn’t let Shawn go anymore, this was her shot at fulfilling
her deepest desires to make it real and to finally live the life she wanted
with a paraplegic man.
leaned down and buried her face again, whispering in his ear, “Shawn, just hold
was astonished at Trish’s obvious emotional moment and he was worried he had
been wrong to let her touch his legs, asking her softly, “Trish, are you O.K.?
Is it something I did?”
whispered, “No, everything is good. You’re the best thing that has ever
happened to me, Shawn.”
had to be satisfied with her answer, but still wondered. He didn’t want to do
anything wrong, he could feel himself falling for her and it scared him because
no matter what she had told him or said to him, he still didn’t fully
understand and he had not expected to actually ever finding a girl again who
would care for him more than a friend. She was a woman who could have any other
guy and for a moment he remembered Trish’s ex-boyfriend Corey, who possibly
still cared for her and it scared him so much. In a way he was reluctant to let
his feelings for her go any further because the thought of losing her again
gave him chills. He didn’t know if he could actually bear something like that
happening but the longing to have her in his life was so much stronger than the
fear of losing her and he couldn’t ignore his feelings for her getting deeper
there was Jesse and the thought of his brother somehow feeling anything beyond
friendship for Trish scared him tremendously. Jesse had slept with her but he
had told him he didn’t love her and that is was nothing but deep inside Shawn
feared otherwise. He pulled Trish to him tightly and smelled her hair and felt
the warmth and weight of her body on him and he wanted the moment to last
laid cuddled together with the TV on and after about 30 minutes Trish was
asleep on Shawn. It was only eight o’clock then and they were startled when
Shawn’s cell phone over on the kitchen counter played its ringtone.
jumped and was confused for just a moment, then scrambled off of Shawn to get
the phone, “It’s Jesse.”
answered sleepily, “Hey Jesse!”
how are you?”
you at home yet?”
moved over to the recliner and answered, “Yes, we got home today around noon, I
got discharged this morning.”
turned the volume on the TV down with the remote.
inquired, “How’s your hand?”
told him about her hand and how everything was.
Jesse said, “Well, I am sure glad you are home again…I’m worried about
worry Jesse, we are fine.”
he is doing well too. He’s is laying right here on the couch, we were watching
I talk to him?”
course, here he is.”
She handed the phone to Shawn, who greeted his
brother, “Hey man!”
little bro. What’s going on?”
much, actually everything is good, I’m feeling good, just tired...we didn’t get
a lot of sleep in the hospital.”
they let you stay overnight?”
they let me stay with Trish but sleep was not really happening. I’ll probably
have to hit the sack here in a moment before I fall asleep on the couch.”
well they changed our schedule down here. We will start working in the evenings
and nights so I will be sleeping during the day. They decided it was better to
work nights to not interrupt the flow of traffic too much.”
you cool with that?”
we’ll get paid more too. That’s a good thing.”
talked a bit more about Jesse’s work until Jesse asked, “So everything with you
and Trish is going good then?”
thought for a moment wondering if Jesse somehow had any idea about Trish and
him, “Yeah, it’s going good. We get along and everything.”
she helping you with stuff?”
but I’m doing good with everything on my own too.”
spasms or problems lately?”
a little last week, but it’s been good since then. I felt a bit weak earlier,
but I think it was just the stress over the weekend. I just need to rest.”
is Trish going back to work?”
aiming for next week.”
took on a suspicious tone, “So how did this happen again?”
thought about his answer, “She cut her hand.”
know that, how did she cut her hand?”
fell Saturday night.”
sounded somewhat edgy, “I see you’re not going to tell me the truth…”
what are you talking about, she fell…”
do you think I’m stupid? I know that’s not all but I won’t keep bugging you
about it…Whatever the deal is, I’ll let it rest but don’t lie to me.”
your problem Jesse?”
don’t have a problem but I know you are keeping stuff from me…but oh well, I’ll
let you get to bed now.”
was thrown off by Jesse’s change of tone and he wondered what Jesse suspected.
tried to change the subject, “Well, I hope you will be all right with the shift
change and stuff.”
be fine. More money to change things for YOU in the house.”
had said the words in a judgmental tone, emphasizing on the “you” and Shawn was
getting a little angry, “What is going on Jesse?”
I am just saying! I am making more money so we can make life better for you.
didn’t know how to react at his brother’s statement. Jesse sounded sarcastic.
you want to talk to Trish again?”
answered, “No, tell her Bye from me!”
right then, take care Jesse.”
too, I’ll call you guys again when I can.”
said Good Bye and hung up.
Shawn had clicked the call off, he turned to Trish, “He sounded really weird.”
nodded, “Yeah, he did.”
like he knows something is going on.”
have to tell him sometime, Shawn. We can’t keep it a secret…we owe it to him.”
don’t know how he will react…he sounds pissed off already.”
day he left I asked him about you and him and he said it was nothing, just…” Shawn
paused and looked down, “…you know?”
nodded, “That’s what he told me and I know that, I was O.K. with it.”
looked at her with serious eyes, “Why did you sleep with him?”
sighed, “I don’t know…I was lonely, he was nice…please let’s not go there…maybe
we can forget about it.”
said lowly, “It doesn’t seem like Jesse has forgotten about it after all.”
got up, “I’m pretty tired and want to go to sleep.”
knew she was trying to avoid the conversation and even though it gnawed on him
thinking about Trish and Jesse he didn’t want to make her angry, “Trish, I’m
sorry…I’m just….” She turned to look at him and he continued, “I’m just
worried…what if he does have feelings for you? That would be a really messed up
situation…he’s my brother.”
walked over to him and squatted down next to the couch, “We’ll deal with that
if it happens…I want you Shawn.”
smiled and stroked over his cheek. He lowered his eyes.
said, “Let’s go to sleep. We’re both tired.”
nodded and sat up supporting his body with his arms.
saw his muscles working as he held himself up, “Can you push my chair over a
did as told and Shawn went to transfer over into his chair, breathing quickly
as it always cost him some strength. His legs slid off the couch, following his
body and hung over the couch somewhat awkward . Shawn held on to the sides of
his wheelchair seat pulling himself upright. Once in the chair he took a moment
to get his trunk balance and was about to arrange his legs when Trish stepped
up, “I got them.”
stopped her, “I can do it Trish. It seems like it was weird for you earlier.”
took his hand which had reached for her, “No, I want to do it Shawn. It is not
weird for me.”
I am very sure.”
leaned back in exhaustion and watched her gently place his sock footed feet on
the foot rest of the chair, first the left one, then the right one. She was
fully concentrating on the task again and when his legs were positioned she let
her hand slide up his shins and to his knee almost like a gentle stroking of
his legs. Shawn watched her curiously and felt an emotion come up inside this
time, almost like an arousal watching Trish’s loving expression, the gentleness
of her hands on his lifeless legs like they were something special to her and
he felt so drawn to her care and wondering what it was that made her touch his
legs with this kind of admiration that he couldn’t explain. For a moment she stroked
his legs and Shawn just watched her.
she looked up at him and smiled, “Are you ready?”
Shawn seemed lost and Trish added, “To go to sleep?”
snapped out of the moment, “Sure.”
stood up and he followed her with his eyes, still amazed at the preceding moments.
Trish asked, “Do you need me to help you with
I am good.”
put his hands to his rims and wheeled to his bathroom. He brushed his teeth and
then wheeled into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. He pulled one of
the incontinence briefs out and threw it on his bed. After he had transferred
onto his bed he pulled his sweat pants off. It was hard for him to pull his
pants off anytime but when he had the choice he always liked doing it on his
bed lying down. It was still a hassle and once he had pulled the briefs up he
almost didn’t feel like pulling his sweats back over his legs but decided it
would be better. He was exhausted then and just laid there. He had not even
said anything to Trish and now his door was closed.
thought about calling her but just then it knocked softly, “Shawn?”
I come in?”
door opened and Trish stood there in his door frame smiling in a sleep suit
with shorts and a tank top, “There’s someone else who wants to come in here.”
held himself up on his elbows, looking up in question and at that moment, Rocky
jumped up on his bed and started finding a good spot to lie down, pressing his
paws into the blanket.
came over to the bed and sat on the edge, “You just disappeared a while ago.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to just leave you.”
smiled, “Are you O.K.?”
let his head fall back on the pillow, “Yeah, just totally beat.”
too, my hand hurts a little bit now.”
should take some pain meds then.”
were quiet for a moment and Shawn stroked Trish’s hair hanging down.
looked down shyly, “Would it be O.K. for me to lay with you?”
was surprised and didn’t know what to say for a moment.
pushed himself up again on his elbows, “Well, I don’t know…is there enough
room? I guess I could move over a bit maybe…”
whispered, “You don’t have to if you don’t want me to.”
said lowly, “No, it’s O.K.”
sat up and pulled himself over toward the wall with some heavy breaths. He
plopped back on the pillow, exhausted. Trish lifted the sheet and blanket and
crawled in next to Shawn. Shawn was very nervous at her suggestion as he didn’t
know what she expected by sharing the bed with him.
breathing came quickly and Trish sensed his apprehension, “Don’t worry…I just
want to lay next to you.”
way he was relieved to hear her say that but on another thought he was somewhat
disappointed that she had already wiped out any sexual thought toward him, like
it wasn’t even an option to maybe sleep together, like she wasn’t considering
it at all. Trish got comfortable next to him and snuggled up against him, “Are
are you comfy?”
looked over at her and said softly, “I don’t really move a whole lot, I’m
pretty much stuck on my back, so I won’t budge a lot if it should get too tight
laid on his arm, snuggled against his chest, “I think I am O.K.”
then held her head up on her hand smiling at Shawn, as he said lowly, “I still
keep thinking this is just a dream…you here with me.”
not…it’s real Shawn.”
eyes were dark and shiny, “I can’t believe it though; how can I be so lucky?”
leaned down over him, “I am the lucky one.”
smiled, “Well, maybe we are just both lucky.”
that they kissed long and passionately. Shawn tried not to think about it but
couldn’t help sex crossing his mind while he laid there kissing Trish. Before
the accident there would have been no hesitation on his part to move right on
in with a girl in his bed, now he kept his hands on her back and waist, let his
fingers run through her hair and just kissed her, not giving her any other
stroked her hands through his hair and around his neck, down his arms and over
his chest and he hoped that she wouldn’t try to take this any further or move
her hands below his waist.
that is what she did as her right hand travelled down his chest for a moment he
could still feel her and suddenly the sensation was gone like her hand had
disappeared. He moved his own hand down quickly to search for hers and found it
right on his waistline. He pulled her hand up almost in a panic and unlocked
his lips from hers, breathing shallow and without looking at her he whispered,
“Trish, please don’t….I can’t…”
put her hand to his cheek, “I’m sorry…I’m sorry Shawn.”
muffled in her hair, “I can’t do this…please understand.”
whispered while stroking through his hair, “I’m sorry Shawn…you’re so hard to
resist for me but I know I was out of line…I know I need to move slow…I’m so
felt bad having stopped her that way and how she kept apologizing to him.
to explain, “Trish, you…you are a girl any guy would dream about being with.
You’re beautiful, smart, funny and sexy as hell. I feel so unbelievably lucky
to have you here with me…I care a whole lot about you but I can’t take this to
the next level…not yet. Please know that it is difficult for me to tell you this
way but I am not ready to move this below the waistline…please understand. It’s
not you, it’s me and it’s my problem, things don’t work the way they used to
for me if you know what I mean…I hope you can give me the time I need…” he
laughed a little, “….and I would have never imagined in my wildest dreams that
I would basically turn down sex with a girl like you.” He laughed at himself,
“Talking about a messed up turn of events.”
looked him deep in the eyes, “I want to give you all the time you need. I care
too much about you than to mess this up…”
her to him, “Thanks for understanding.”
gave him a small kiss, and then said, “Maybe we need to sleep now.”
a moment they laid in each other’s arms, then they kissed Good Night and Trish
turned off the lamp on the nightstand. She fell asleep close to Shawn, he laid
awake for a bit thinking about how this could be, thinking if maybe finally he deserved
a break from almost two years of pain, anger and denial and sometimes having
felt so very alone.
the night it kept raining and Trish woke up once around three o’clock and felt
for Shawn next to her. He laid unchanged on his back, one arm over his head and
one hand on the blanket over his belly. His breathing was soft, heat was coming
from him. Trish cuddled close to him again and adjusted the blanket. She placed
her hand on his chest and felt the soft fluff of hair on it, feeling his heart
beat in a steady rhythm. With a deep breath of contentment she closed her eyes
and fell asleep soon after.