Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Three's A Crowd Chapter 25

Shawn and Trish are enjoying each other's company and letting their feelings flow freely until an emotional call interrupts the harmony.

Shawn and Trish spent the next few days at the house. Trish worked on her school projects for her classes, trying to finish the summer semester strong. While she sat at her computer Shawn played Video games or watched TV. Trish was planning on going back to work on Monday. Her hand was healing well and she took off the bandage on Thursday.

When she didn’t work on her computer and Shawn just laid around they were all over each other, cuddling, snuggling and kissing. Shawn didn’t let Trish take the cuddling below his waistline though. When he felt her hand travel too low he would gently bring her hand up again. He wasn’t ready to take their romance any further. Knowing he wasn’t ever going to have an erection and his worries of pleasing Trish hindered him from taking his own hands any further than Trish’s waist.

He sensed her arousal and every time he felt it was getting too much he would bring the passion level down. He was still uncomfortable about the sexual aspect and was hoping very much Trish would not mind and be patient with his slow approach. Never before in his life did he think he would delay sex with a woman like Trish. Things were so different now. They spent close moments on the couch, in the kitchen and outside on the porch.

It was warm every day now, summer was in full swing. The days were long, and nights were only a few dark hours. Trish had become used to the rambler, it did have air conditioning at least. She kept it clean and in order, Shawn helped as much as possible. Some moments he would just watch Trish secretly from the living room as she would sit at her computer or work in the kitchen. He still couldn’t believe how things had turned out and he tried his hardest to overcome the worries he felt deep inside. Trish made him feel so good, he hadn’t been this happy in what seemed like forever. She was different than any other woman he had ever been with, she seemed to care for him on a much deeper level and accepted him for who he was. He didn’t have to talk big for her, he didn’t have to prove anything to her. He was such a different guy now than before the accident. Trish was real and genuine unlike any of the women he had been hanging out with in his wild and healthy days.

He still couldn’t let her in on the intimate details of catherization or his bowel program, he just couldn’t bring it over himself. He wanted to keep at least this bit of dignity when other than that he was an open book now.

In the warm evenings they would sit on the porch having a beer together but he didn’t feel the need any more to keep a constant buzz going just to make it through the day. They talked about their lives and families and Shawn was as happy as can be with Trish.

Trish enjoyed the time with Shawn so much, she knew now that she was falling in love with him. Every night she snuggled close to him and she wanted to take the next step but she had to keep herself in check for Shawn’s sake. Once she woke up in the middle of the night and felt a faint but lingering wave of pleasure go through her body, reaching her toes and heating up her thighs. She realized she had just dreamt of some very intimate moments with Shawn. Shawn though was lying next to her sleeping and breathing softly, no idea about Trish’s dream. She wanted him so much but she would never do anything he wasn’t ready for so she just placed her hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat and thinking about her and Shawn in another place.

Her hand was healing well. Even though the stitches looked a bit rough she was almost pain free, there was no infection and she was able to move her hand. Shawn was kind of jealous at her when she was allowed to take her bandage off. He wanted to get rid of his cast so badly, it started itching, was rigid and made everything so much harder and time consuming for him. After all he wanted to feel Trish with both his hands, not just the fingertips of his left hand.

Oddly enough for three days they didn’t hear from Jesse on the phone, he only texted that he was O.K., just really tired and busy with work during the nights.
Trish and Shawn decided to not call him and as long as they got text messages from him they felt he was O.K. Trish was perfectly fine not talking to Jesse, because she was worried about things he may say about him and her.

It was Friday afternoon when Shawn was lying on the couch, Trish was cleaning her bathroom in the back hallway. Shawn’s cell phone played its ringtone and when he picked it up he saw Jesse’s image on the display, “Jesse?”
“Hey Shawn!”
“How are you?”
“I’m all right! Just trying to get used to the schedule working at night and sleeping all day.”
Shawn wanted to show his brother some support, “Yeah, I can’t imagine…it’s probably rough. It is good to hear from you though.”
“How are you?”
“I’m actually really good.”
Shawn was happy to tell Jesse that he had not had any health issues for a few days but he didn’t get the reply he expected from him, “I bet you are doing really good.”
Shawn was thrown off for a moment and added lowly, “Well, I haven’t had any spasms in over a week.”
Jesse sounded indifferent, “I’m glad to hear that. Trish must be taking good care of you?”
Shawn started to explain, ”Well, …not having spasms has nothing to do with Trish really. I’ve just been lucky to not get spastic in a couple of days...which I’m very happy about. You know how annoying it is sometimes.”
“I sure do…those spasms can really bring you down. How’s Trish?”
Shawn glanced down the hallway, “She’s good, she is cleaning in her bathroom right now. Her hand is getting better too, she took the bandage off and it looks good. I can’t wait to get my cast off.”
“Well, you still have about three weeks, right?”
“So Trish is working out for you then?” Shawn heard a tension in Jesse’s voice.
He was somewhat unsure what the question meant, “Yes, everything is going good.”
Jesse then surprised Shawn, “It seems like it is really great according to your Facebook status….in a relationship with Trish Brooks…that is our Trish, isn’t it?”
He sounded sarcastic now and Shawn realized what Jesse was getting at and before he could reply with an explanation Jesse said coldly, “I knew you were together at the casino.”
He paused, then continued, “You know Shawn, I knew you were pissed off when I slept with Trish but I didn’t think you would actually go to the point of making a move on her. I faintly recall you doing shit like that before you fucked yourself up. I didn’t think you still had it in you…”
Shawn was speechless at Jesse’s words and at the same time felt pain creep up inside. Jesse didn’t give him time to talk but added, “It does say a lot about Trish you know…”

Shawn glanced down the hallway again to make sure Trish didn’t come into the room and would hear him.
He replied angrily but low enough, “Leave her out of it…you told me there were no strings attached and you didn’t love her. I didn’t take her from you, she came on to me just the same…don’t make me the bad guy. Yeah, O.K. something happened between Trish and me...I didn’t plan it, I didn’t expect it but when she did make a move toward me, I had no problem with it. What the fuck would you expect me to do? Turn her down? This is the first time since the accident that I have a shot at being happy and maybe get to feeling better about my situation and everything I fucked up about myself as you so kindly put it…”
Jesse argued, “Well, maybe I had a shot with her. Did you think about that?”
Shawn felt his voice tremble, “Jesse, for goodness sake, you told me there was nothing between you guys, it was just sex, that’s all. You could have hundreds of other women. Me, that’s a different situation…I want you to find someone, I want you to be happy, I didn’t take her from you. She came to me and you should be happy for me.”
Jesse cut him off, “She will move on eventually...”
Shawn felt his hands shaky and his breathing quicken, “Why are you saying this stuff?”
Jesse’s voice was a bit louder, “….because it is probably true. So how did it feel Shawn…how did it feel to fuck her after I had already done the deed?”

Shawn couldn’t believe his ears at what Jesse was saying and he shifted nervously on the couch, eyeing his wheelchair, glancing back to the hallway.
He hissed into the phone, “Shut the fuck up, Jesse!”
Jesse kept on, “Did you fuck her? Is everything still in order down there for you then? I highly doubt it…”
Shawn took quick breaths now, “Why the fuck are you doing this Jesse?”
“You’re going to get hurt Shawn, I’m just warning you. I don’t want her, not anymore…you do what you are going to do. I don’t give a shit and I’m not sure what Trish’s deal is but don’t get your hopes up and you can’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Shawn was speechless and angry. He didn’t know how to respond to anything Jesse was saying but his brain was going into overdrive.
Jesse added, “It’s one thing being an assistant to a paraplegic and a whole other thing to be in a relationship with one.”
Trying to keep his voice down when he wanted to scream at his brother, Shawn hissed into the phone, “It’s none of your fucking business Jesse, you don’t need to concern yourself with any of my shit…she knows and she is O.K. with it…”
Jesse didn’t stop, “It - as in not having sex, not knowing when you have to piss or shit and everything else…”

Shawn took a couple of breaths, he had no words and all the doubts he had already were starting to encase him in darkness and he thought about how Jesse may be right and how he may be in total denial that things between him and Trish could work out. A knot had formed in his throat as his emotions started brewing and wanting to come out.
He blinked his eyes as his vision got blurry and all he could say weakly, “She cares about me and I care about her. Why are you doing this to me, Jesse?”

He pressed his lips together, breathing through his nose as he was trying to keep his composure and preparing for the next oral attack Jesse had in store for him but all Jesse said then was, “Good for you…Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you! I will finish this job, she can stay there with you, but as soon as I get back I want her gone.”
Shawn shook his head, “Jesse, what is going on? Why are you like this?”
“If I won’t put it to you, no one else will Shawn…I have to go now.”
“Out of all people, you are the one person I have and I don’t know why you are doing this to me. Why can’t you be happy for me and Trish? She makes me feel good and special despite everything that’s wrong with me….” He took a deep breath, his words came out in a tremble, “I think I’m falling in love with her…”
Jesse sounded harsh, “Shawn, don’t tell me about love! You have never loved anyone but yourself. Everything is always about you.”
Shawn felt a painful metaphorical stab go even deeper into him and what he couldn’t feel physically he felt it even more psychologically, “Jesse, I love you…why…”
Jesse didn’t let him finish, “You never considered that I may have feelings for Trish?” Shawn cut in, “Jesse, I did consider it and I was worried about it, but….”
He really didn’t know what else to tell Jesse. He and Trish were a unit now and Jesse had no place in it and as hurtful as his brother had been to him, he now felt sorry for Jesse, “Jesse, please….”
“I have to go!”

Shawn had no chance to say anything else as he heard the click and the call was over. The cell phone went dark and Shawn’s hand was shaky as he dropped the phone on the floor. He was in complete shock at what had just happened. He looked down the hallway for a sign of Trish but he only heard the noises coming from the bathroom. He needed her so badly at the moment but his voice was paralyzed just like his legs. His emotions were taking over as he felt his body tremble. He was trying to breathe calmly but the conversation and hurtful words echoed in his head.
How could Jesse do this to him? Was Jesse possibly right and he was naïve and blind to the truth? Why was Trish really with him?

He had nothing to offer her. Shawn felt an overwhelming anger creep up inside him, the pain Jesse had caused him turning into a rage of doubts, disappointment and aggression wanting to burst out. Instead though, he was stuck on the couch with no outlet. He needed Trish but then again he maybe didn’t need her at all. He glanced back into the hallway again, then transferred angrily and forcefully into his wheelchair. He put his hands on his rims and pushed himself to the door. He needed to get outside, the pain seemed to be suffocating him. His breathing came irregular now as he let the door slam which made Trish peek out of the bathroom to check on him.

When she walked out from the hallway she didn’t see Shawn, but his cell phone was on the floor. She said his name and went over to the door and opened it seeing Shawn rolling down the ramp.
“Shawn, where are you going?”
He didn’t look up at her but called, “Leave me alone; don’t come near me.”
Trish paused in her step, stunned by his words, “Shawn, what is going on? I heard you were on the phone….Was it Jesse?”
Shawn didn’t stop but she saw him push with force over the gravel but didn’t really get going too good with his chair.  
She stepped down the few steps and stood in Shawn’s way, “Shawn, tell me what is going on?”
All he said without looking at her, “Get out of my way Trish!”
She heard the seriousness in his tone and stepped to the side but then asked sternly, “Where the hell are you going Shawn?”

He didn’t say anything but pushed his rims with force and anger toward the creek that was behind the rambler, a small embankment going down to it.
When she realized he was heading that way she went after him, “Shawn, stop!”
Just at that moment Shawn hit a large rock in his way with his caster wheel and within a moment he lost his grip and tumbled out of his chair, landing on the grass right by the embankment. He cursed and filled with anger he grabbed his chair with his hand and pushed it over and it tumbled down the embankment landing partly in the creek.

Trish ran over to him, “Shawn, tell me what is going on?”
He was on the ground hitting the grass with his fist and cursing. She didn’t know what to do first, get his chair or get to Shawn. Shawn seemed to be somewhat O.K. aside from anger so she climbed down the embankment carefully and pulled the chair up, it was partially wet and she hoped very much it wouldn’t be damaged. As she set the wheelchair upright and close to Shawn, she saw his body tremble, his breathing fast but he didn’t face her.
Instead she realized his legs shaking uncontrollably while he cursed, “Fucking shit!”
As she squatted down he looked up and screamed at her, “Leave me alone Trish…”
She saw his face moist with tears.
She wanted to reach over to him and he pushed her hand away, screaming, “Go away Trish!”
Her own eyes filled with tears as she said lowly, “Shawn, what is it? Please don’t push me away!”

Shawn was ashamed of his outburst and stupidity of falling out of his chair and pushing it over the embankment in his anger.
He turned away from her somewhat and she saw his body shake from crying when he repeated with a tear filled voice, “Please leave me alone right now….”
She replied lowly, still squatting close to him, “Shawn, you are not well…I can’t leave you out here like this. Let me help you up in your chair.”
He shook his head and put his one hand up without words, gesturing her to not get near him. He didn’t look at her and she stood up slowly.
She saw his legs twitching, “Shawn, please…”
She was crying now because she didn’t know what was going on, she didn’t know if she should force her help onto Shawn or leave him be as he requested at this time of despair.
He commanded once more, “Go away Trish!”

She slowly started walking away, looked back at him and saw as he held himself up but trembling from crying and lowly cursing to himself. The sun was disappearing behind the shed and trees and Shawn laid on the ground, his chair close enough for him to reach but when she got to the stairs and looked back again she saw he was not even attempting to get up in his chair. She felt it was wrong for her to leave him like this and her personal assistant mind tried to make her go over to him and just get him up into his chair but then her mind as his girlfriend kicked in and stopped her from going. She took a deep breath and went inside the house to the back room facing the backyard by the shed where Shawn was at. She looked through the window and she cried silent tears watching him cry outside.

Whatever had triggered this outburst of emotions must have been severe and she thought about if it was really Jesse who had been on the phone or someone else. Her mind was racing as she kept her eyes on her boyfriend, who was outside and alone at the moment with whatever feelings he was battling. She could barely stay still as her own tears streamed down her face and she felt despair on what their relationship would become if Shawn would push her away like this every time he felt down and depressed. How many times would she have to confirm to him that she wanted to be in on anything and everything he was dealing with, physical or psychological? How many times would she have to beg him to let her in and let her be there for him?

She cried silently and was fighting the urge to run outside and help him. After a few minutes she saw Shawn move and reach for his chair, his head hanging. She saw him try to get up in his chair but he didn’t make it and she watched as he pulled himself over to the shed and managed to lean on it with his back, holding himself up with his hands next to his sides. His legs lay scrambled in front of him, he shifted to get a better posture but she saw his legs still shaking.

She couldn’t bear anymore watching him in pain and she ran outside and ran to him as he sat leaning on the shed and she fell down on her knees next to him and begged with a tear filled voice, “Shawn please don’t send me away…”

He didn’t break out in anger anymore but instead he put his arm around her as she pressed herself next to him and buried her face on his chest, her tears wetting his T-Shirt. He kissed her head and his own tears dripped on her hair as they just sat there on the ground next to the shed, their hearts aching for different reasons but knowing that only in unity they could master whatever was going to come at them.

After a few minutes of silence Shawn started with a shaky voice, “Jesse knows about us and he doesn’t like it very much…I have never heard him talk to me like he did a while ago. I think he cared for you more than a one night thing, Trish.”
Trish sat up and looked at Shawn. His face was moist and a few tears were still streaming out of the corners of his eyes.
Trish shifted and asked softly, “What did Jesse say?”
Shawn shook his head, “I don’t know…” He was still breathing quickly, “…he said you and I will never work out…he said I don’t know what love is…”

Trish heard him say the word “love” and looked at Shawn intensely, “Love?”
Shawn stroked a strand of her hair out of her face, “Trish, I think I am falling in love with you and I am so freaking scared that somehow all of this will go so wrong. Jesse just did his part to really fuck with my head when it comes to you and me.”
Trish was still on the part of Shawn saying he was falling in love with her and her heart was pounding hard as she put her hand to his face, softly stroking over his cheek and then saying lowly, “I love you Shawn and we can’t let no one or nothing come between what we have.”
He actually managed a smile, his face still wet, “I don’t know Trish….I want to love you but I am really scared.”
“What else did Jesse say to you?”
Shawn looked down and said with a shaky voice, “He said, you will move on and I will get hurt…”

Trish realized the severity of Jesse’s statements and how he was trying to get into Shawn’s head but at the same time she thought about her feelings for Shawn and in the back of her mind the whole issue about her initial longing to be with a paraplegic man. Shawn didn’t know this yet and at the moment she pushed this part of herself far, far away.
She didn’t know what to say and Shawn looked up and said lowly, “I think Jesse actually did care for you more than he thought and now he is angry with us.”
Trish replied, “It doesn’t give him the right though to say such horrible things about us, about me….that I will move on… What do you think?”
Shawn looked down again, “You know Trish, I don’t know what to think right now…Jesse was just being a total asshole, he talked bad about both of us and it pisses me off big time. I don’t know what his fucking problem is and I don’t know what to do about it.”

At that moment Shawn’s legs were going into severe spasms and he moved his arm from Trish and held himself up as he was watching his legs and focusing on his breathing with his lips pressed together. Trish put her hands on his legs trying to hold them down somewhat and she was still thinking about the things Jesse had said about her and she was angry at his comments and talking bad about her to Shawn, which made Shawn doubt everything they had.
After a moment the spasticity in his legs let off a little and Trish said softly, “We should go in Shawn!”

The whole conversation was lingering over them and she hadn’t missed the point that Shawn had not directly told her he loved her but had connected it right away with doubts and it hurt her. Her tears had subsided and even though she still felt like crying she pulled herself together.
“Trish, Jesse is my brother and I don’t know what to think and what to do…he has never ever talked to me like he did a while ago. It is like he stabbed me a hundred times…but I don’t want to see him hurt either.”

Trish couldn’t help a sadness creep up inside her and she looked at Shawn seriously, “Shawn, you know how I feel about you and I can’t keep telling you over and over again how much you mean to me…well, I guess I could but it seems like you constantly need to know that it is O.K. what we have and what we do and what I feel about you. Yes, Jesse is your brother but what he said is wrong and it hurts me that you actually consider what he is saying and that you are not convinced that I really love you for who you are, no matter what. You know how I feel and I hope you can maybe come to some kind of contentment with that and not keep doubting our relationship….”
He realized her words had come out strongly and with a slight anger in them and he was thrown off and realized she wasn’t feeling very good about the whole situation.

She didn’t look at him and shifted almost as to get up when he grabbed her arm, “Trish, I am sorry….I am so sorry…I know what you mean…I need to trust you and not let all this shit keep coming between us, my insecurities, my anger and now my own brother but please understand that Jesse is important to me too, we are really close. He was there for me through all this shit and always got me out of trouble when I fucked up and usually when he slapped me upside the head telling me how I had messed up he was always right. He was more like a dad than a brother sometimes. I am not sure what overcame him to talk like that but I think it came out of fear and pain and he didn’t realize how much he hurt me in his overprotective approach but being a total asshole a while ago. Believe me, I wanted to pull him through the phone, if he would have said this stuff to me face to face, it wouldn’t have been pretty…but unfortunately I don’t stand a fucking chance anymore if we want to actually fight it out. I hope we can fix this and I will try everything in my power to have his blessing when it comes to us. I care so much about you Trish and I don’t want to make you feel bad about us constantly, it is not right. I want to make you happy and I know I have to get it together and stand up for myself and my feelings and I want us to work out, I want to be with you….” He paused then added softly, “…for a long time! I do love you….” He stopped, swallowed and pulled her close to him, “Look at me!”

Trish looked up at him and her eyes were shiny as he said again, “I love you Trish and I shouldn’t make you cry, I should make you happy and smile…it hurts me to see you cry but I know it’s been rough and I promise I will make it better. I hope Jesse will cool off and eventually be happy for us.”
He pulled her close and Trish said softly, “I really love you Shawn.”
“I love you.”

They kissed for a very long time, holding each other close as the sun went down behind the trees, the birds were chirping soft in the evening air and a slight warm breeze brushed over them as the moment stood still and they felt so much love for each other.
They stayed on the ground snuggled together for a while until Shawn’s spasms in his legs were getting worse and Trish suggested softly, “We should go inside.”

He nodded and Trish kissed him quickly, then pulled his wheelchair over and Shawn had to figure out for a moment how to best get into it. A transfer from the floor into the chair took some strength and tactics. Trish could have helped him but he wanted to show her he could do it on his own. His chair was still a little wet from the tumble into the creek and now he was mad at himself for being so stupid earlier, letting his anger take over.
Trish stood up and asked hesitant, “You want me to help you?”
He shook his head, “No, I got it.”

He put the break of his chair on, and attempted the transfer from the ground and was successful. Out of breath he eventually sat in his chair, his legs were still hanging twisted and Trish watched him this time adjusting his legs and lifting them to set his feet on the footrest. When he was done he looked up at her with a shy smile. His legs were still spastic though and he put his hands to his rims and pushed himself over the gravel which was difficult but he made it. Trish met him at the top of the stairs by the door and held the door for him as he wheeled himself over the threshold.
He was exhausted and wheeled over to the couch, “I have to lay down.”
Trish closed the door, “Of course.”

After Shawn had transferred onto the couch she sat down next to him. His legs were still shaking badly and he asked Trish to get him some water. He knew he needed to rest now, this outburst was not good for him and wanted to kick himself in the butt for losing his cool like he had.
Trish brought the water and he asked her lowly, “Maybe one more thing…my tablets are in my room on my night table.”
Trish nodded and without a word went and got his tablets. She then sat next to him again and watched him take his medication.

Shawn set the glass down and took Trish’s hand, looking at her with dark and shiny eyes, “I’m the luckiest guy on the planet Trish. You make me very happy and I am so sorry about all the problems I have caused. I want to be with you, I want to share my life with you and I will get back on track with you by my side.
I just want Jesse to be O.K. with us, it would kill me if he can’t accept what we have. He is my brother and really the only family I have, I don’t want to lose him. He has been through all this with me, been by my side from the moment I was in a bed in the ICU. I know I made life miserable for him these last two years. He is really the one who brought you into our life and I know even though he said it didn’t mean anything to him, I know he had a glow on him when he saw you for the first time, the way he rallied around you when you came to the house, I could tell he really enjoyed your company.”

Trish sighed, “Shawn, Jesse is a great guy, I am sure many women would take him in a heartbeat and yes, I did too…I probably shouldn’t have, I regret it now because who I really want is you but that night…I don’t know…it was stupid of me. You seemed cool and distant, Jesse was warm and friendly and all the signals were there. I had been lonely and still hurting from the whole deal with Corey, I wanted a change in taking on this job with you and then you acted so hostile toward me, but then there was Jesse and of course the alcohol did the rest. It was a mistake to sleep with Jesse and I feel bad too, but now it is you and I, Shawn and you are all I want and really all I wanted from the start.”
Shawn pulled Trish up to him looking at her with deep dark eyes, “Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if Jesse comes around about all of it and until then I hope he is going to be O.K. Come here!”

He pulled her up on him all the way and pulled her in for a long and hard kiss. Trish pushed her body onto Shawn and felt his body heat radiating into her. She wanted him so much, all of him but she wouldn’t push Shawn too much. She wanted him to be comfortable in taking this relationship a step further. Shawn held her tight to his body, caressing her back, stroking through her hair and over her face. She felt so good for him.
Trish felt her body respond intensively to his and she could not help her thoughts revolving around Shawn not walking and not feeling the pressure of her on him below his chest. Instead of a disappointed feeling though it was a huge turn on for her to think about these things. He had no idea what his condition did to her body and mind.

Trish laid on Shawn and he held her close, kissing her mouth and letting his lips travel over to her neck, softly licking and suckling on it. Trish could barely keep her arousal in check and was breathing quicker as Shawn’s kissing seemed to become more demanding. His hands were holding on to her possessive and strong and he kissed her over her neck and his mouth travelled back to her mouth as he pushed his tongue into it, uniting with her tongue for a long and hard kiss.

Shawn felt excited kissing Trish but at the same time inside he was worried about taking this further and not being able to complete what this kiss could be leading to. He felt Trish’s weight on his chest and even though his lungs were constricted by her body on his, he enjoyed the feeling of having his breath taken away by her. He kept his lips on her and Trish felt his chest trying to rise up and down under her.

Trish let her hands travel through Shawn’s hair and she pulled his head down some on his hair, keeping his head on the pillow, not much movement possible. Shawn felt her hand pulling his hair and it excited him very much. All the arousal though seemed to be contained to the upper half of his body and collecting in his lungs, keeping him from taking good breaths. Trish kept her lips pressed to his, he held her down on him, at the same time wanting to unlock his lips from hers to breathe. Trish was breathing quickly and he felt her chest press down on his. When he almost couldn’t bear it anymore, he forcefully unlocked his lips from hers, taking gasping breaths into Trish’s hair and mumbling, “Trish, I can barely breathe…” he took another breath, “…but you feel so good on me.”

Trish’s hot breath touched his neck and ear and he felt her tongue flick over his skin, making him breathe quickly again and letting his hands travel over her back and down to her ass, grabbing it, “Trish, what are you doing to me?”
Trish grabbed his hair again, whispering into his ear, “Shawn, you turn me on so much. I love you.”
Glancing down her body length on his, he saw her hips press down on his and moving in a slow rhythm on him. He couldn’t feel it but she kept on and he watched for a moment, while Trish was flicking her tongue on his ear and suckling on his ear lobe.

For a moment he felt despair creep up, not being able to take this further the common way and he had flash backs in his mind about his past and having sex and penetrating a woman with his erect cock. A quick touch in between Trish and himself to feel for an erection he realized there was nothing, not even a hint of a hard on. He moved his eyes up to the ceiling, taking a deep breath, wanting to curse but keeping it inside and trying to focus back on Trish’s kissing and licking.

Trish had felt his hand though between their bodies and she paused her kissing and looked over at Shawn, asking lowly, “What is it Shawn? I felt your hand down there.”
Shawn pressed his lips together and shook his head lightly. Trish’s passion had ebbed for a moment as she waited for Shawn’s answer. He didn’t say anything and she let her hand stroke softly over his cheek, “Shawn, what is it?”
He looked over at her and lowly he tried to explain, “Trish, I can’t….” He couldn’t finish what he wanted to say.
Her hand felt warm on his face as she stroked up to his hair and flicked some strands form his eyes, “Don’t worry about it Shawn…we don’t have to do anything. I just want to feel and kiss you. I am enjoying this moment so much.”
Shawn let his hand glide over her head and down her hair, “Trish, you mean so much to me. I love you!”
She smiled at him, “I love you!”

They let their lips unite again in another passionate kiss. Trish let her arousal fade, she knew it had caused Shawn to be self-conscious, having realized how she was pressing her lower body to his in a steady rhythm. She had felt very aroused and the heat had been encircling her thighs and pussy but she knew she had to stop herself from going any further. He wasn’t ready and she didn’t want to make Shawn feel bad.
Their kissing became soft and loving and eventually Trish let her head rest on Shawn’s chest, feeling his heart beat on her ear and face and seeing his belly softly rise and lower itself as his breathing became steady and calm. He held her to him still, she saw his casted hand in her view, the wheelchair next to the couch and once in a while feeling his legs twitching spastic on her legs.

Shawn said lowly above her head, “Trish, I am sorry I can’t…” he paused, sighed and then added with a tremble, “…I wish so much I could give you…more. I know you want more.”
Trish pushed herself up some to be able to face Shawn and she looked into his dark eyes, “Shawn, you are all I want and whatever you are willing to give me I take it. Don’t worry about anything else. Please, don’t worry. You are everything I want and need, just the way you are and we take this as slow or as fast as you want. I don’t want you to have any doubts or feelings of not being enough for me, I love you and I want you to always know that.”
Shawn kept his eyes on her, scanning her face and her hair, letting his dark eyes go back to her blue eyes and keeping them there. The fingertips of his casted hand still played with her hair.  For a moment he didn’t say anything, then he started lowly, “I can’t believe you are in my life, it is still like a dream to me. How can you be here with me and how can you want me this way….”
Trish pushed her fingers on his lips, stopping his words to come out, “Psst, don’t say anything else. Just enjoy the moment. No more doubts and insecurity!”

She let her finger softly glide over his mouth and then let her head rest on his chest again, thinking about how much she wanted Shawn this way and that he still didn’t know that there were women who would give everything to be in her place.
Shawn was tired from the emotions that had overcome him throughout the day and he eventually fell asleep on the couch, Trish still on him watching the TV.
When she realized Shawn asleep she carefully climbed off of him and for a moment she just looked at him and her heart was filled with so much love and passion for him. The permanent stillness of his lower body in contrast to his heart and head racing and full with emotions of guilt, insecurity, anger, loss and pain, now love for her added to the mix, was the ultimate turn on for her.  She wanted him so much and she wanted to be with him for a very long time.

They spent the rest of the weekend in quiet harmony at home, sitting on the porch talking, laying on the couch in loving embraces, kissing and caressing each other, holding hands when sleeping and joking about life and things. Happiness was all they knew and even though doubts and worry tried to take over in Shawn’s head in between, he really didn’t want to be overcome by these emotions and wanted to just enjoy Trish and being with her.
Shawn’s health was stable, the spasms stayed manageable, he didn’t have any accidents and was able to relax.
Jesse didn’t call all weekend.

Trish enjoyed the time with Shawn and even though she worried a little about Jesse she pushed the thoughts of him aside.
At night when Shawn laid out on the couch, watching TV she did some of her school work. The summer semester was almost over and she was preparing for finals in her classes.
Relieved that Shawn didn’t have any health issues over the weekend she thought about how this job had turned out to be something so unexpected, her and Shawn having fallen in love head over heels and changing with that the whole process of caregiver and employer into a girlfriend and boyfriend relationship


  1. I was really surprised by Jesse's strong words to Shawn. But I am glad that Shawn has something positive going on in his life. Well-written.

  2. So sweet.
    Love the characters!