After Trish had left their house she had started crying a little in her car, thinking about how hostile Shawn had been towards her. She could sense it was insecurity on his end but he had no right to treat her the way he did. After this experience with Shawn she seriously reconsidered to change her job at the moment. It was probably better for her to stay where she was at and take her college classes online and then move on.
In a way she was almost relieved because if Shawn would have actually turned out to be a nice guy combined with his looks and his disability she would have been very nervous at the prospect of having to be around him all the time and seeing him in his wheelchair constantly. For a long time she had been looking for someone exactly like Shawn and maybe it was better that he turned out to be a jerk because that made her decision easier not to take the job.
Shawn had said some hurtful and horrible things. For over two years Trish had been working at the senior citizen community and everyone loved her there. She enjoyed her job but wanted to move into another direction now. When she had seen the ad in the paper for the Personal Assistant she just had to apply. She knew Jesse desperately wanted to hire someone in his absence to be there for Shawn but today it all had gone really wrong with Shawn’s obvious rejection toward her.
She drove along the Interstate going back home to Olympia and on Monday she would be back at work at Evergreen Meadows. She would try to forget that this day ever happened. No matter how hard she tried though, Shawn kept appearing in her mind.
Jesse woke up sudden when the glass fell out of his hand. He startled himself and hissed, “Shit!”
He felt a couple of drops of the Whiskey on his hand. His eyes burned from crying earlier. It was dark in the house and outside the rain had stopped. He heard the frogs croaking in the wetlands not far from the house. He felt dizzy and tried to remember how many shots he had drank earlier. When he got up he realized he wasn’t sober at all as he staggered through the room to the light switch and turned it on. He picked up the glass, set it on the coffee table and walked to Shawn’s room.
It smelled slightly like a mixture of air freshener spray and urine as he walked over to the bed. He heard Shawn breathe regularly and lightly felt his forehead to check if he was maybe running a fever. Shawn moaned and moved but he didn’t feel hot. When Jesse glanced at the lit up alarm clock numbers on Shawn’s bedside table he saw it was after 10 o’clock.
Still unsteady he walked out of the room and back to the living room where he turned on the TV and fell back down in the recliner, pouring himself another Whisky. He thought about Trish and wondered if she had made it back home safely.
Sometime during the night he turned off the TV and made his way to the bathroom and then his bedroom where he passed out in his bed still in his jeans, the alcohol running through his veins and making his sleep restless and dreaming of strange things.
Sunday Jesse woke up around 8 o’clock with a pounding headache. He moved a little in his bed and froze right away clenching his teeth in pain, hissing another curse word. He laid still and listened to any noises outside his room. It was quiet. He slowly moved and sat up, feeling a stinging pain in his head. Very slowly he got up and walked out of his room.
As he got to Shawn’s room he saw him still in bed and as he walked in Shawn opened his eyes, “Hey!"
Jesse felt bad about everything that had happened the day before and looked down quickly, “Hey!” He added lowly, “I thought you would maybe be up already.”
Shawn held himself up on his elbows and said lowly, “I need my chair.”
Jesse realized that Shawn’s wheelchair was still in the other corner of the room where he had left it the night before and he quickly pulled the chair right over to the bed, “Here you go.”
When he met Shawn’s eyes he realized the dark bruise under Shawn’s left eye. As Shawn shifted to pull himself up to a sitting position a curse word came over his lips.
Jesse asked, “What is it?”
Shawn shook his head, “Nothing.”
Knowing something wasn’t right Jesse asked again more sternly, “Shawn….what is it?”
Shawn didn’t look at him, “Just my wrist…”
Jesse walked up closer, “Let me see, which hand?”
“My left one.”
Jesse reached over grabbing Shawn’s left hand and realized how swollen it was around his wrist and his hand, “What the hell…it’s swollen!”
He stood up, turned away and let his forehead softly touch the wall, “Damn Shawn, why did you piss me off so much yesterday? That is from yesterday, isn’t it?”
Shawn nodded and said lowly, “I think so.”
Jesse banged his head slightly against the wall, “I messed up your wrist…shit!”
He turned around, clenching his teeth due to his pounding headache, “We need to go to the ER.”
Shawn said lowly, “I will be o.k. We don’t need to go to the ER.”
Jesse said, “Shawn, your wrist is possibly broken and no, it is not going to be o.k. I will help you get ready and we are going.”
He walked over to the bed and demanded, “Get in your chair!”
Shawn smelled the alcohol on Jesse and wondered how much his brother had drank during the night.
He could hardly use his hand, hissed through his teeth because of the pain and with Jesse’s help got into his chair and Jesse pushed him to the bathroom. They didn’t speak, but without words Jesse knew exactly how to help Shawn, he had done it so many times before. Jesse helping him get into the shower, helping him with catherization and other intimate issues was always embarrassing for Shawn but Jesse was the only one who had even come close to Shawn in that way. He hated being dependent on Jesse for the moment but his wrist made it almost impossible for him to get ready on his own at the moment. With every movement the pain shot through his hand and wrist. As Jesse moved around him the smell of the alcohol was surrounding both of them and almost made Shawn sick.
Their eyes never met. Jesse felt horrible about the day before and he also spotted bruises on Shawn’s body from the way he had grabbed him so rough and when he had fallen off the bed.
His head was pounding with the hangover headache but he felt like he deserved all of it having beat up on Shawn the day before. The guilt was eating him up inside, he wanted to say something but he couldn’t. Instead he helped Shawn get ready in silence. Shawn sensed Jesse’s attitude and he felt guilt himself for having pushed his brother over the edge with his behavior toward Trish. Just like Jesse he also felt he had deserved it all, the beating, and the broken wrist.
Jesse had dealt with Shawn’s attitude way too long by always being patient and caring, always making the first step toward reconciliation when they were fighting, always trying to be understanding of Shawn’s new situation, and always keeping things together when life had seemed so desperate and dark in these last couple of months. He had every right to finally loose it and Shawn didn’t dare blame him for it.
After about an hour of silently getting ready, Shawn eventually was sitting in his wheelchair and as he looked in the mirror he met Jesse’s eyes in it, who was standing behind him in the door frame.
Shawn looked away nervously, trying to avoid Jesse’s blood shot eyes.
Jesse turned away, “I’m getting ready now and then we are going to the ER.”
Jesse walked out not waiting for a response from Shawn. As Shawn tried to grab hold of his rims he could barely stand the pain in his wrist. He barely managed to wheel out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. Something was definitely wrong with his wrist.
On the table was his cell phone, the bottle of Whisky and next to Jesse’s truck keys, the stack of paper which was Trish’s application and resume with her certificates. Shawn took the resume and read over it, then looked at the other papers. Everything looked great and as he was reading over the papers Jesse came out with just a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair wet and skin shiny from moisture.
Shawn had developed a certain jealousy at Jesse and how his body was still functioning right and how he was still mobile on two strong legs and could show off a well-toned body.
He took his gaze off his brother quickly and Jesse came walking over, “I need some coffee.”
Shawn replied, “I can make it.”
Jesse nodded, “O.k.”
Then he grabbed the stack of paper from in front of Shawn and tore up the sheets, “We don’t need this anymore.”
Shawn had kept his eyes down and saw from under his bangs how Jesse threw the papers away angrily.
He asked harshly, “You got that coffee?”
Shawn was thrown off at Jesse’s tone, he never spoke to him in that way.
Shawn answered lowly, “Yeah…I got it.”
Jesse walked away again and Shawn quickly realized making the coffee was not such an easy task at the moment. He started the coffee machine using only his right hand. Once Jesse was done in the bathroom he came to the kitchen and poured himself some coffee in a mug. Shawn had turned on the TV and watched silently waiting for Jesse to be done.
Jesse didn’t talk to him until he was done with his coffee, “Are you ready to go?”
Shawn nodded, “Yeah.”
His hand and wrist did hurt him badly now, he couldn’t really push his rims too good and when Jesse realized his struggle he went over and pushed Shawn out the door, locked it and then holding on to the wheelchair handles he let it roll down the ramp slowly.
Jesse had a small pick-up truck, it wasn’t too high off the ground but Shawn always needed some help getting in. He could transfer himself into a regular car quite easily but the pick-up truck was a challenge. Jesse had been planning to get another car some day and have it modified with all hand controls so Shawn could drive it. Until then the pick-up just had to be enough.
He lifted Shawn up into the truck and Shawn plopped ungracefully into the seat. He couldn’t use his left hand and when he forgot for a moment and tried to brace himself with his left hand a wave of pain shot from his hand up his arm and he let out a curse. Jesse was busy taking off the pad of the wheelchair and folding up the wheelchair, leaving the wheels on its axles and stashing all of it into the small back seat of the truck. Then he jumped into the driver seat and when he looked over he saw Shawn hold his left wrist with his right hand and biting his lips in a pain stricken face.
Jesse asked lowly, “Are you all right?”
Shawn just nodded.
Jesse started the truck and soon they were on their way to the local hospital in town. A weird tension was between them and Shawn thought about what to say but felt it probably wasn’t a good time talking to Jesse. Jesse seemed mad and stressed out. He had been mumbling about his head hurting and Shawn knew he had been drinking a lot the night before, probably still with alcohol in his blood even now. Hopefully Jesse wasn’t impaired to drive and wouldn’t get pulled over.
Shawn kept quiet and tried to deal with the pain in his wrist. If it was really broke, things would be difficult for him for a couple of weeks, not very good timing at all with Jesse trying to leave for the job.
Shawn had not been in town for a while and once they reached the outskirts of the city, he looked out the window at all the houses in the suburbs, buildings, stores and restaurants. He thought about how cut off from everything they were out there in their house and how little he or Jesse got out anymore, really never. He used to be out on the town all the time and now he felt anxious just being in town every once in a while.
When he was in town with Jesse it was always about the wheelchair accessibility and if he would be able to go into a place or business. Most places were accessible and they were able to park in the handicapped parking spots with their blue plaque dangling from the mirror. Shawn’s worst nightmare was if a place maybe wasn’t accessible and Jesse and some random stranger would have to lift him up in his chair in front of people watching. It had happened a few times and Shawn hated it every time.
During the whole drive Jesse hadn’t said a word and at the hospital he found a disabled parking spot close to the ER entrance. He pulled Shawn’s wheelchair out of the backseat, unfolded it, pushed the pad back onto the seat and set the chair down next to the passenger door, which Shawn had already opened. Jesse helped Shawn get down into his chair. As Shawn put his hand to his rims he felt the pain in his wrist and pressed his lips together.
Jesse looked over, “Do you need me to push you?”
Shawn shook his head and mumbled, “I think I got it.”
Trying his hardest to ignore the pain he attempted to spin his rims and barely managed. He gave himself some stronger pushes so he would roll further and he barely made it to the entrance door which opened automatically. He wanted to avoid the humiliation of Jesse pushing him but the pain was excruciating. The ER was packed on this Sunday.