Twist Of Fate Chapter 6

Recap of Chapter 5

After a shared lunch and a whole afternoon spent together at the rehab center, the relationship deepens a little bit more with Cassie’s confidences about her past. As Matt struggles with physical issues, he experiences others, not so unpleasant and appreciates Cassie more and more. At the same time, he is left a bit perplexed by her strange statement about his condition.

I’m on the floor, laid on my back, my left knee bent in Abby’s hand. It is 6 p.m. and she is here to help me with my range of motion.

“Abby, if you weren’t my sister, would you find me attractive in my wheelchair?”

She stops working on my joints and looks at me in abashment,

“Why are you asking me such a weird question?”       

“I am wondering if I can still attract women who can visualize past my paraplegia and see me for what I really am.”

 It takes her a few seconds of thinking before responding,

“Matt, I’m your sister so I don’t think I’m objective enough to answer on someone’s behalf. What I can tell you is I always thought you were very handsome, so for me the fact you can’t walk hasn’t changed the way I see you. A woman will definitely notice your wheelchair first, but after knowing you, she should fall in love with you for the person you are, regardless. Being paralyzed doesn’t make you a lesser man.”

“Yeah…thanks for mentioning that, but that’s not exactly what I meant. Don’t you think some women can be attracted to me because I’m disabled?”

“What? It would be so sick.”

“That’s my point.”

On second thoughts, she goes on, “But it may not be that terrible after all. I mean in some cases. Look at me for example, I like to take care of sick and wounded people. It’s rewarding to know we can help, soothe the pain, and make oneself indispensable in some way. Most of the nurses I know also do it out of compassion. Feeling sympathy and sorrow for people’s suffering is not a bad thing.”

“I don’t want that.”

“I know. You have been more than clear on that point since the accident. I try not to forget it and not to be too caring, but you can’t ask me to leave you alone when I watch you fight cramps or cringe in pain.”

“I’m sorry Abs if sometimes I hurt your feelings. I know I can be difficult and harsh, in another word a pain in the neck, but I hate pity. I know you only think of my well-being and I understand it is hard for you to see me suffer as a paraplegic. I don’t want you to worry so much for me. I’m good now. I moved on with my life, my pain is not constant and really not that bad, and I chose not to take painkillers on a regular basis.”

“Duly noted Big Brother and apologies accepted.”

She resumes her therapist work. Now she is flexing my bare foot from left to right and up and down.

“You know Matt, thinking about what you asked me, it wouldn’t be so insane if a woman was attracted to you in your wheelchair. I have this nurse friend who is attracted to leg braces and crutches and she totally looks sane. She is even very nice and interesting. I think it’s just a fantasy. Maybe not common, but not harmful either; so why not a wheelchair? Anyway, you’re still sexy regardless!”

I am trying to consider this strange idea and stay open-minded. I don’t want pity, I don’t want any assistance, I don’t like curious or embarrassed stares, but I’m paralyzed in a chair, and I can’t hide it. It is human nature to see what’s out of the ordinary. So why the idea of attracting people with a disability is so upsetting? Why not take advantage of it? My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. Abby jumps on her feet,

“I’ll get it.”

“Yeah, you will obviously be faster.”

My natural sense of humor sounds more like an ironic sarcasm. The previous conversation seems to have a gloomy effect on me. Abby opens the door and Cassie appears. She looks at her, then at me on my floor mat, and she shows astonishment to see a woman in my apartment. I can note a hint of disappointment as well.

“Oh, I’m sorry…I didn’t know you had company.”

“No, no please come in.”

I turn on my side to face her, “Cassie, let me introduce you to my sister Abby.”

While she looks relieved, it’s Abs’ turn to give her a probing glance,

“And you are…?”

“Cassandra, the opposite neighbor.”

A suspicious Abby is blocking the entrance and Cassie is hesitant to enter.

“Please Abs, let her in.”
“You’re early tonight.”

“Yes. I bought some groceries and I wanted to cook you dinner. Remember I owe you one, but if your sister is here we can postpone. I leave you together.”

“No please, dinner sounds good and I’m starving. Anyway we are done.”

Abby protests with her professional and bossy tone,

 “No, you’re not finished Mister.”

I see a lopsided smile appear on Cassie’s sensual mouth,

 “Please finish what you were doing. I’ll start with the meal and of course your sister is welcome. My place or yours?”

“Mine if you don’t mind.”

Abby is following the exchange with open curiosity.

“Ok. I’ll get what I need from my fridge and come back.”

I’m still leaning on my side when she leaves, and Abby pushes me back on the mat shoving me a bit hard.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“For not telling me you met someone.”

“Don’t start. She is just my neighbor Abby.”

“Yeah, right. My place or yours? A neighbor who cooks you dinner, and owes you one? Who are you kidding?”

“We met a couple of weeks ago and we are just friends. She doesn’t know anyone here and I keep her company. She comes with me to the center sometimes, and we went out for lunch only once. We usually meet here or at her place to eat and talk after she comes back from work.”

“Well, that’s a good start.”

She smiles broadly and we finished our session.

While I am taking a shower and taking care of my routine, the two girls take hold of my kitchen. They cook together, chatting amicably the whole time. I am glad they are getting along and I hear them talk mostly about their respective work. I am on the phone with Ted when they call me. We haven't talked in a while and if we have some catching up to do, none of us mention Melissa.

“It’s ready Matt! We are waiting for you.”

“Coming girls! ”
I end up my phone conversation promising Ted an upcoming get-together. I open a bottle of white wine for the ladies and help me with a glass of whisky. Having been a professional athlete for over a decade, I am not much of a drinker, but tonight I 'm in for a drink. The meal is delicious and elaborate and we eat in a relaxed atmosphere. The wine probably helps a little bit. It is strange for me to spend a night with just two women. Usually it was just Melissa and me or many hockey friends, sometimes with their wives and girlfriends. Nevertheless, it is a very pleasant company and we have a nice evening. It could have been flawless if Abby hadn’t proposed to drink coffee on the balcony. Cassie becomes suddenly white and I say casually, “Not a good idea. Cassie is not a fan of heights.”

She looks at me as if I have saved her from an imminent danger. Abby senses a hint of the uneasiness in the air,

“Oh, ok. We’ll have it in the living room then. Anyway, it is so cold to hang out outside .”

I transfer to the sofa and put the TV on. Abby sits beside me on one side and Cassie on the other. She is closer than usual and I can see her thigh touch mine. I wish I could sense it as well. It gives me a feeling of confidence though. Discreetly I take her hand and keep it hidden between us. She squeezes mine without a word. Abby starts to doze off after ten minutes, which is not a surprise after three glasses of wine. I should have known better. It is now out of the question to let her drive home. I nudge her gently,

“Abs you’re tired and you’re drunk. You sleep in the guest bedroom tonight and that’s not an option.” She doesn’t protest, “Ok. I think I’m going to go now. This wine really knocked me out. Goodnight everyone.”

She hugs Cassandra and pecks me on the cheek. Then she notices our entwined hands and gives me a mischievous wink. She pulls herself out of the cozy couch, and as she feels dizzy I wheel to the room at her side. She borrows a t-shirt from me, makes a quick stop to the bathroom and is in bed in no time. I tuck her in and kiss her like a child. Half asleep, she whispers,

“I liked Melissa but you don’t lose out. Cassandra is really nice and she is all over you…with your wheelchair and without pity.”

She doesn’t even see me frown in surprise because her eyes are already closed.

When I return to the living room, Cassie is clearing out the coffee table.

“You don’t need to do this, sit.”

“It was my invitation, so at least let me leave you with a clean place. Your sister is very nice by the way. I like her.”

“She said the same about you.” I have a lopsided grin on my face.

“What’s this boyish smile for, Matthew Vincent?”

It’s just she saw our hands and she thinks we’re dating.”

“Oops! And is it bad?”

“Nope, not at all. Maybe we could make it more official Cassandra Miller?”

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow when I’m sober. You don’t want to take advantage of my drunkenness, do you?”

Her sexy lips are smiling at me, and all I want is pull her onto my lap and take her to bed with me. Instead, I just do a chaster move and kiss her intensely. She responds the same way and leaves quickly without another word.

                                                                  ****

A few weeks go by without any other intimate encounters. It is end of November and she flies back to Miami for four days to spend Thanksgiving with her family. I go to mine and take a few days off from the rehab center to help my parents at the company. With the holiday season approaching they are overwhelmed with Christmas orders and I offer my contribution. The last time I was at the warehouse was in my student years. Since I have been with the NHL, I was too busy and out of state most of the time to pay them a visit at work and I felt bad. I am now redeeming myself much to their delight. I am surprised how big they have expanded from the number of employees. One of the newcomers gives me a tour and trains me briefly about the functioning of the company starting from the orders processing to the shipping department. She is a friendly and dynamic young girl, but I can feel she is disturbed by the wheelchair. She is keeping her distance, afraid she can bang into my wheels or worse, my legs. Ironically she avoids looking down, talking without even looking at me. For once she is the most nervous one and I kind of feel bad for her. I also meet a few loyal employees who have been with the company from the beginning. They seem pleased to see me, they hug me, shake my hand and ask how I am doing. They knew me as a hockey player, so I know they feel sorry for me and my dramatic career ending, but they try their best not to show it, and I am grateful they don’t expand on the subject. Unfortunately the shipping department is four steps up and if I am able to manage a few steps down I can’t do them up. Everyone is a little bit nervous and don’t know how to react, “Well, it’s not a big deal if I don’t see this section. I’m just here for a few days anyway.”

I turn around quickly to smooth out the discomfort, but I bump into my father.

“Yes, it is a big deal. I want to show you this side of the building. It’s an extension you haven’t seen yet.”

My dad is really happy to see me here, and is eager to share his new achievements with me, but he is a bit angry at himself.

“I’m sorry Matt I didn’t think of those stairs. Next time you come, there will be a ramp.”

“Don’t sweat it Dad and don’t apologize, it’s ok.”

“It’s not only for you, it’s the law. What if I want to hire someone who can’t do stairs? I’ve been negligent and I should have known better. You could sue me for this!”

I smile because I find it positive he forgot I am disabled, but I can see he is upset by the incident even if he tries to be witty. He did so much for me since the accident I can’t let him feel bad, 

“You know what? If you help me up the stairs with someone, I can climb them down on my own.”

No sooner said than done. My father nods at an employee silently and they both lift me and my chair in no time. Proudly he shows me around with a detailed explanation of each station’s task. Then it is the inventory’s turn. I have to familiarize myself with the products.

“You’re sure you can make it without help?”

I am already balanced on my back wheels when I see my father’s anxious look.

“Yes Dad. I do this every day and I even teach it. Don’t worry, I’m on top of it.”

I’m a little bit irritated but try not to show it. This wheelchair is my legs. If I am not able to do four stairs down on my own, I’m really worthless. Even so, my little stunt is followed by half a dozen pair of anxious eyes. I can sense people impressed and scared behind my back.

I work for a whole week and I call Cassie every day. I miss her and she seems to miss me too because our phone conversations can last for hours. One evening I am having dinner with my family when my cell vibrates. I leave the table apologizing and wheel to the living room. Abby tells me out loud in a mischievous tone, “Say hi for me!”

I see my parents give her an intrigued look.

                                                                ****

I have to go back to my consultant job at the rehab center, and it is a bit hard for my parents to see me leave again. They thank me a dozen times for my help which I offered with pleasure. I can say I enjoyed working with them and learning a bit more about the beneficial and natural properties of the goods sold by: Nature and Natural. I promise them I’ll come back for Christmas and stay for a few days. My dad has to drive me back to my place again, so that’s when I decide I really need a car of my own. Anyway I am spending too much money on taxis to go to the center and come back. It is another reason for me to be motorized again. I am a bit nervous about it, but it can only make my life and others' easier.

As the elevator stops on my floor, I hear voices arguing in the hallway. It is close to my unit and I listen more carefully. One is a male’s voice and the other one is Cassie’s. I push harder on my rims. Her apartment door is wide open and a man with a huge bunch of flowers in hand has his back against it, preventing her from closing it on him.

“Cassie, please. I just want to talk to you. I am not going to hurt you I swear.”

“Go away. I don’t want to talk to you; you have no right to be here. I told you to leave me alone. Have you forgotten about the restraining order?”

“No, but I apologized and I miss you, please…”

He makes a step forward. She steps backwards with the palm of her hand extended in a defensive gesture.

“Don’t come near me.” Her voice is full of fear.

“What’s going on here? Cassie, are you ok?” 

I am at the door and I swiftly place my wheelchair between her and him, the ex-abusive boyfriend without a doubt.

“Oh! Matt, I heard a knock on the door, and I thought it was you since you told me you were on your way home. I don’t know how he found me and how he came up.”

I am about to talk but the unfriendly man's voice stops me in my tracks.

“Well it wasn’t easy but I remembered you had a wealthy uncle in Chicago, so I looked at all the speech therapists in the city. It took me a while but it was worth trying. You should remember I’m a resourceful man. To pass security was a piece of cake. Your guard likes tips, it’s as simple as that.”

He is shameless, sassy and full of himself. I already hate him and am dying to show him up to what point. I am relieved it isn’t René’s shift, because this unscrupulous guy in the lobby can look for a new job starting today. I’ll see to it.

“Will you please stop blocking this door and leave right now as Cassie asked you to?”

“Cassie, Matt? Wow! You seem intimate.”

He is still wry but a little bit less confident.

“I’m her neighbor.”

“Well neighbor, it’s none of your business. I appreciate your concern about my girlfriend safety, but I  am not a threat and I have personal things to discuss with her.”

“What? Are you crazy? I’m not your girlfriend, I haven’t been for a long time and I will never ever be. Matt is my boyfriend.”

She puts a possessive hand on my shoulder. She is angry, scared and on the verge of crying. I place a reassuring hand on hers.

“Him? This cripple is your boyfriend? You must be kidding, Come on and get back to your senses.”

His mocking chuckle makes me suddenly wheel forward. My knees are now touching his legs and it is intentional even if I can’t feel it.

“Back off from this door, NOW!”

I am losing patience and my fists are itching.

“Or what? You’re going to kick my ass?”

Is he really scoffing at me or am I being touchy?

“That, I can’t do but how about punching you in the face?”

Without leaving him any other option, I put my theory into action. As I am not in the best position to give him a direct blow, he gets an uppercut to the chin, strong enough to nearly throw me out of my chair. It completely knocks him down on the floor across the hallway, while I heavily sink back into my seat . It could have been laughable to see him holding his bruised jaw surrounded by a bunch of spread flowers, but I am so pissed off I want to finish him off. I think he learned his lesson because while he is recovering for the punch, he looks at me afraid and impressed, "Oh, man! What are you? A boxer?”

“No, a hockey player and you’re lucky I don’t have my stick with me. Now, leave before I go and get it.”

“Ok, ok, but you don’t know what you got yourself into.”

“Are you threatening me now?”

“No! I mean with her. You better keep a close eye on her or you’ll be sorry, she’ll cheat on you.”

“Are you done or you want another round?”

“No, I’m leaving. I wanted her back but I changed my mind, she’s all yours. Good luck!”

He stands back up with difficulty still stunned by the blow and leaves without turning back. Cassie is still standing by the door speechless and shaking. I roll back inside crushing a few flowers under my wheels, close the door, pull her down on my lap and hold her in my arms. She hugs me tightly.

“I think you will never see him again. I told you I’d protect you but next time, never open your door to a stranger, even if he brings you flowers.”

I am trying to lighten the mood but she is still too upset to relax. With her hands clutched around my waist, I wheel us to the kitchen, “Whisky?” 

She finally smiles briefly at me. “No, a glass of water is fine.”

With her still on my lap I roll to the fridge, and when I put my hand on the door handle, she abruptly takes it in hers, “Matt! You’re hurt.”

It’s not that bad but the knuckles of my right hand are all bruised and red. I didn’t even notice but since she mentions it, it starts to sting. She stands up, put some ice cubes in a Ziploc bag and applies it gently on my swollen hand.

“Matt I’m sorry you had to witness that and put up a fight because of me. I’m not a respectable person.”

“You are to me. And I missed the action of the games, so I would be lying to say I didn’t enjoy this a little bit.”

“Are you telling me hockey players like to punch each other during a game?”

She seems a little shocked.

“No, I didn’t say that. It’s a sport and in the course of action we can be brought to give a few blows and receive some, and clashes between players are frequent. It’s part of the game.”

“And that’s how you were so badly hurt and wound up paralyzed.”

Since she regained her speech, she is furious and it seems to be aimed at me.

“That was an unintentional and stupid accident. It’s just bad luck.”

“And you’re ok with that? You don’t find your fate revolting? Unfair? You don’t hate the guy who did this to you? Who ruined your career, your life?”

She speaks loud with an angry tone. I am a bit surprised because I have never seen her like this, outraged and rebellious, but I remain calm,

“No, not anymore. Of course a lot of bad thoughts came to my mind when I woke up in the hospital and I was told I would never walk again, but did I have a choice? Do you think being heinous, angry and revengeful would make me feel better, give me my legs back? No. So I sucked it up, tried to make the best of it and moved on with my life. And if this accident hadn’t occurred I will probably still be with Melissa and not here with you. So what can you say to that?”

It takes her a long time to answer but she tells me in an apologetic voice, “I’m sorry Matt. I didn’t have the right to talk to you like that. I am not in your place to know what you felt or feel. It’s your life and after such a hardship you turned it right. You are brave, fearless and determined. I can only admire you and be proud of you.”

“Whoa! Am I really all that to you? Well, thanks for the compliments.”

I am flattered and a little bit flustered. It is more than I could hope for, but I didn’t ask for it.

On second thoughts she adds, “And I should thank Melissa for letting you go. You are free and…I’d like to spend the night with you.”

Well, I didn’t see this one coming at all. If I had been standing, I would now be on my ass. “Are you sure?”  

“I’ve never been so sure.”

“Ok. I’d like that but I have to warn you, it’s going to be my first time since the accident and I’m not functioning the way it’s supposed to. I hope you’ll be lenient and patient, because I really don’t know what’s to be expected.”

“We are not in a rush and we’ll take all the time we need to make it right. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable, because it’s going to be my first time too…I mean with a paraplegic.”

“So I figured.” I am smiling but nervous as hell inside. I am not the bashful type with women and before being seriously involved with Melissa, I flirted around in my student years. My self-confidence and my laid-back personality are not really helping right now. I am almost thirty but feel like a virgin teenage boy, as if it is going to be my very first sexual experience. I’m certain it’s not easy for paraplegics to have intimate relationships with an able-bodied partner, but I know some of them can find willing women to give them pleasure regardless of reciprocity, but that is not what I want. I wish to please my partner especially if her name is Cassandra. I want her to be part of my new life and I hope I can meet her expectations. As the doctors told me I am lucky enough to have a low injury with some feelings in my mid-section. Much more severe SCI can lead to no feeling at all in the upper chest and arms and in that case being a man who can’t feel his own pleasure or give a limited one to his partner is very frustrating, even depressing. I’m thankful I still have a muscled chest, strong arms and part of my abs. Thanks to them I can move, work, exercise and almost lead a normal life. Regarding further down, it is wasteland. We, the disabled have all kind of health issues due to a weakened auto-immune system. We have to deal with chronic pain, UTI infections and spasticity which can be more incapacitating than our paralyzed limbs. But when it comes to our manhood it’s the most upsetting feeling to be sexually impaired. I’m about to know up to what extent my libido has been affected, and I’m scared like a child.

I know it would be better to take her to my place, but I’m not comfortable to let her sleep in my bed with the plastic mattress pad in case of nightly accidents. I never had those since I left the hospital, but it is still a possibility. I don’t want her to use my handicapped bathroom with the high toilet seat, the shower equipped with my special chair and all this surrounded by grab bars in every corner. Not for our first time. If by any chance it works out between us, I’ll be more open to her about my personal stuff. She interrupts my tortuous thoughts timidly, “My place or yours?”

“Yours if you don’t mind. I have a few things to take care of. Wait for me here I won’t be long.”

I leave her a bit in a hurry. I don’t want her to think this through and change her mind. I shower quickly and empty my bladder thoroughly. I take an extra catheter in my pants’ pockets just in case. Then I wonder for a while if I should take a Viagra but I decide not to. I don’t want to lie to myself or worse, to her. I don’t want to be a fake with a chemical erection, not for our first time. I want her to discover my body with its flaws, and there are other ways to be aroused for both of us. It is nonetheless a strange situation. It looks like a scheduled appointment and I would prefer more spontaneity between us, but it is one moment I dreamt of and it is happening. I should be thrilled instead of racking my brain. 

I knock and enter her apartment . All the lights are off except for the bedside lamp in the bedroom.

“Can I come in?” I am at the door waiting shyly for her ok.

“Of course, I was waiting for you and I’m so glad you didn’t change your mind.”

“Change my mind? No way. I was afraid you would.”

She is seated on one side of the bed her back against the headboard. She arranged a bunch of pillows on the other side, obviously for me and I appreciate the thought. She is deliciously attractive in just a black tank top and white pajama shorts. It is a plain cotton outfit but very sexy to me. The cleavage of her top plunges on beautiful breasts tightly molded by the fabric, and I can see her nipples pointing out. She is looking at me at the same time, and I am wondering what she is thinking and seeing: ‘A still good looking guy in black jeans a little bit too big for his skinny legs in opposition to a grey t-shirt clinging to his chest and upper arms? A happy but unsecure face framed by black strands of hair still wet from the shower? Or maybe his light piercing blue eyes betraying his emotion and admiration towards her? Isn’t all that obscured by a metallic frame on wheels?

“Come Matt. I want you close.”

I want to be close myself, so close you can’t imagine. I wheel to the edge of the bed and transfer. I see in her eyes again this strange longing I had seen at the center, when I was crutching laboriously. I grab my leg under the knee to lift it on the bed, but she stops me from behind,

“Matt, may I?” 

It is not a thing I let people do for me, but looking at her nearly pleading eyes I don’t have the guts to say no, 

“If you want.”

She stands up and comes on the other side of the bed to face me. She lifts my leg gently and extends it flat on the bed. Then she does the same with the other one. As usual they are shaking a little bit from the move and she watches with interest. Strangely, not only I am not bothered by the spasms and the curiosity, I find the legs touching and lifting interestingly moving. In a nutshell, even sweet and endearing.

“Do massages can help?”

“Sometimes, but not always, not when it’s really bad. The pulling is more efficient but I can’t do it myself.”

She kneels at the foot of the bed and with assertiveness she takes the heel of my foot gently in her hands and pulls on my twitching leg. The spasm stops. 
“Like this?”

I smile at her. She is a natural. She cares but not in a smothering way.

“Yeah, like that.”

She switches to the other leg. Then without asking she removes my socks. I left my shoes at my apartment thinking it will be less of a headache, since it is the most tiresome chore to put them on and remove them. Then she unbuckles my belt and unzips my jeans. At that point I become feverishly nervous. Knowing she will have a hard time to remove the pants, I help her flipping my hip on one side, then the other, while she pulls on the fabric. Pants gone! I am now in my briefs with bare legs and feet. She straddles me and pulls my t-shirt up my chest. I hold my arms up so she can finish the job. Now I am at her mercy and she seems to like it a lot. But I will not be completely submissive. It is my turn to undress her and it is easier. The tank top is out in seconds and the bra follows. I notice cheekily I didn't lose my touch at the audacious task. I can now admire the sight of two perfect round and firm breasts nagging at me. They are not too big, not too small and after holding one gently in my hand, I confirm they are a perfect match. Now I have them both in my hands, admiring the perfect shape, caressing, touching with gentleness and feeling the soft skin under my fingers. Then I pull her closer and I start kissing and leaking them with the tip of my tongue. She moans in pleasure and it is turning me on so badly I take her lips wildly in mine. She responds with hunger asking for more. Our tongues thrust in each other’s mouths and entwined. Her lips are tasty and wet and she is whimpering lowly between kisses. I have to stop to catch my breath. The weird sensation in my belly came back and intensifies rapidly. I am hot and my heart is pumping like crazy. I feel aroused so strongly it is painful. I have to check if my lower body is responding to my state of excitement, but Tabernac! nothing is happening down there. Cassie understands at the same time and sees my frustration. 

She whispers in my ears totally aroused, “Matt, what can I do? Where do you feel? Where are your sensitive areas? I want to return the pleasure you’re giving me.”

“My chest…” She kisses it sensually. “My neck…” She goes up and does the same. “Just below my earlobe...” She starts giving me little kisses on that spot which gives me shivers all over. My cheek, the one with the scar is her next focus and she insists on it. When she ends up pressing her wet lips on my neck and my collarbone again, I am in heaven. This area of my body has never been that sensitive before.

 “Oh please, don’t stop it’s so good.”

She apparently has no intention to do so, and she is enjoying herself as much as I am. 

“What about here?” While she is still kissing me, she stimulates my nipples with her index finger. I suck in a breath and nods hastily as I am unable to speak. I feel them harden and erect, and I can hardly breathe. When she carries on with the tip of her tongue it is torture, but a delicious one. If I am not hard it feels like it. All the parts in my body I can feel are aroused, all my nerve endings excited, even my withered legs are showing signs of life. The pain in my hip and thigh is recurring at a fast speed, but I am too turned on to think about it. The excitement and the sensuality of the moment are softening the pain. My breathing is halting, my heart is pounding and I am sweating like hell. I am having an orgasm without an erection, but with the same exact feeling as if I am ejaculating, and I gasp loudly. It makes all the muscles in my chest and mid-abdomen contract instantly.

“Oh… my… God!” My head falls back on the pillows and I am left worn out and shaky.

I hear an anxious voice, “Matt, are you ok?”

“Yeah…yes, I am ok, more than ok. It’s just…it’s been so long…and it was so good…and…” 

I stop suddenly looking at Cassie’s big green eyes on me. She is still straddling my legs and she is trembling lightly from my own spasms, her breasts pressed against my chest. I was so into my new discovery and my own pleasure I forgot all about hers and I feel ashamed. What a selfish bastard I am! 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…I didn’t want it to be that way but I didn’t know what to expect…”

She puts a finger on my lips, “Hush…there will be other times when you can make it up to me. You’re a great kisser you know and what you did to my breasts was amazing, so I can imagine what you can do to the rest of my body.”

I see a cheeky smile in the corner of her mouth and I instantly feel better. She is so nice, attractive and understanding. I feel at ease with her as if I’ve always known her. I put my arms around her waist and hug her tightly, as if I am afraid to let her go. We stay in a silent embrace for a while, then I have to slide down on the bed a little bit. I am in a crooked position and my back aches. Cassie moves away from my lap and looks down at me, “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. Come here, I don’t want you out of my sight for the entire night.” 

I pull her back to me. She lies down beside me, puts her head on my shoulder, and starts caressing my face. She finds my scar again and looks at it closely, then she runs her finger along the bulge which had softened along the years. I don’t think much about it. It is part of me and on the side of my face, not really disfiguring me, but the way Cassie is reminding me its existence is a bit disturbing. I stop her gently wrapping my hand around hers. “I’m not comfortable with this Cassie.”

“But why?”

“It’s not very appealing to look at .”

“It is to me. I don’t want you to hide anything from me.”

She frees her hand and resumes to lightly brush her fingers on my cheek.

I should have known better. She seems to like every one of my flaws; First my wheelchair, then my braces and crutches, my thin spastic legs, and now my scar.

What appears to be Cassie’s attraction represented Melissa’s repelling standards. I don’t know if it’s good or bad yet, but since I’m with Cassie I don’t think of Melissa, and I feel a little bit guilty not to feel guilty. The exception for tonight will be the scar which reminds me of my ex-girlfriend, but in a negative way. Cassie seems to read my thoughts, “Melissa never touched it?”

“Oh, no. She was avoiding it. She even wanted me to do some laser sessions to make it smoother. She wanted me to be more careful on the rink. Can you imagine me on the ice surrounded by nine players dying to score and ask: please guys, be careful with your sticks and your skates. Don’t get too close to me; I don’t want any bumps, bruises or scars. I was a hockey player, Tabernac!”

She smiled at my Canadian curse.

“Well, I’m not Melissa. I think it gives you a sexy look.”

“Ah! That’s a first. How can a scar on a cheek be sexy?”

“Ok. Do you prefer if I say a bad boy look?”

I burst out laughing, “You’re so sweet. I’m glad someone likes my bad boy sexy look. I’m all yours baby.”

It is her turn to giggle. She takes my face between her hands and gives me a long sensual kiss, and I feel a little tingling in my chest, “You know you killed me tonight. I have never felt so exhausted since they drugged me in the hospital, but I can tell you I love this tiredness much better, and could be addicted to it very easily.”

Unexpectedly she answers in a smooth voice, “I’m glad because I’m already addicted to you.” Then she gets off the bed and goes to the bathroom. I close my eyes reveling in her statement, and I don’t see her come back because I fall in a deep sleep within seconds.