I am awfully nervous and as a result I stand way too early outside the building of my apartment. This is quite an achievement
considering it took me ages to decide for an outfit since I still do not know
what we will really be doing and I changed my mind several times when I already
was on my way to the door. In the end I settled for loose khaki pants and a
pink tank top. I threw a gray sweater over, too, because the air is still
fresh. It conceals my curves but showing them off is not really my aim here,
right? So that is probably for the better.
I told Marcus I am going to meet a friend
from work who needs help deciding on decorations for her wedding. I suspect
Marcus knows that I am avoiding his family, but he only told me to have fun. I
guess I will.
A huge black Jeep stops at my side. I don’t
even look up and already made half a step backward when I recognize the driver.
It is Jacob. I did not expect that, somehow I watched out for a run-down
middle-sized city car like my own. Not a monster of an off-road car. I goggle
at Jacob bewildered and the window lowers.
"Good morning, Cait." His grin is
wide and easy and throws me completely off-guard. “Do you intend to take roots
here?”
I splutter and feel my cheeks heat up.
"Hi... uh... no... that is--"
He chuckles and nods his head to the side.
"Just jump in already."
I do as I am told, trying to use the time
while I climb up to my seat to get myself back together. I find I very much
like the confident version of Jacob.
"Awesome car!" Leather seats and
shining armatures aside, the Jeep is most and above all big and powerful,
although the engine is just a soft buzz from the interior. I am pressed into
the seat every time Jacob accelerates after he had to break at a red light.
My eyes wander over to him. He wears black
soft pants and a plain dark red T-shirt. His hair is spikey and damp as if he
just came out of the shower. He drives automatic, working the pedals with his
right leg. There is a knob on the steering wheel, the only thing slightly out
of place. He uses it to steer one-handed while his left arm is tucked at his
side, wrist flexed with the fingers forming a fist. Not for the first time I
wonder what happened to him. Was he born that way? Asking seems highly
inappropriate, though.
Fortunately, Jacob is doing most of the
talking. It seems the car is all his pride. He bought it from a friend who
required a stronger engine to pull a trailer load of fish up a hill.
"Did never imagine you could get rich
from selling fish. But apparently you can." Jacob shoots me a quick side
look and grins.
"Yeah... huh…."
We speed down the highway for an hour. The
villages and exits we pass get scarcer till there is nothing but forest to the
left and the right. Eventually we get off and the way leads slightly uphill for
some time, trees rushing past us. Then the sight clears when we reach the top
of the mountain or at least as far as one can go by car. There is a huge
transmitter post, jutting into the sky, held by several hundred meter long
cables thick as my underarm. It looks out of place among the nature surrounding
it, like a faint reminder of the presence of humans.
"Wow! What's that?"
Jacob quickly turns his head to me as we
pass the post.
"You‘ve really never been here?"
I shake my head no.
"This is a radio transmitter from the
local radio station. It’s not really pretty…"
“I think it’s awesome.”
He chuckles and shakes his head.
We turn into the parking lot and Jacob
pulls into one of the last free spots. It seems we are not the only ones who
thought about coming here today.
"This is a popular spot for a small
weekend family trip," Jacob explains, having turned fully towards me now
that the car has stopped. "It is also the highest mountain in this area.
Which doesn't mean anything considering everything around here is pretty
flat." He smirks. “I would have taken you to someplace more spectacular
but... I… uh… don’t like driving too long.”
I try a reassuring smile. It is still cool
he brought me to this place.
"Okay... are you ready?"
I nod and we exit the car. He grabs his
cane from the backseat and balances it on his knees before he opens the door at
his side. I am already outside when I hear the hum indicating his seat is
lowering to make it easier for him to exit. He comes around to the back of the
car where I am standing. I am unsure of what comes next, watching him limp
slowly towards me and wondering how he intends to walk any longer distances.
When he arrives at my side Jacob tucks his
cane under his left arm and fiddles for the car keys that he has shoved into
the pocket of his pants. The trunk of the jeep unlocks with a click and slowly
opens fully automatic. I am a little impressed since the doors on my car are
more often than not jammed shut and can only be opened by brutal force.
Inside the huge trunk there is an
assortment of blankets, plastic bags, a rescue package, shoes, small backpack
and... a wheelchair. That barely answer the hundreds of questions I have, if
possible only generates more. Jacob turns and sits in the open car trunk,
throws the cane behind, and tries to wrestle the fully assembled wheelchair out
of the car one-handed. After a few seconds of nervous hesitation I get a hand
on it as well and he thanks me with a smile. Together we place the wheelchair
on the ground in front of the car and lock the breaks of the wheels. I step
back quickly, self-conscious. The slim chair has no armrests and no handles to
push it, which makes me even more curious about how he intends to move.
Jacob again reaches behind himself and
brings forth something that to me looks like half a bicycle. It has a single
wheel attached to a handlebar and stays upright supported by a kickstand when
he places it on the ground next to the wheelchair. Jacob transfers into the
wheelchair easily, being able to put full weight on his good leg, and puts his
feet on the footrest, helping the left along with his hand. He pulls the half
bicycle in front of the wheelchair. Only when he bends down and starts
attaching the wheel to the wheelchair I finally understand. Of course he can
propel himself forward only with difficulties without the use of two arms and
for ‘hiking’ how he calls it, he goes much easier with a hand bike.
I watch as Jacob works on the wheelchair,
it takes some time to flip all the latches and screw everything tight,
especially on the left side but Jacob’s movements are deft and I keep my
distance, knowing that this is not the first time he is doing this and I will
be of no practical use. Finally he pulls the lever to himself and the small
front wheels of his wheelchair lift off the ground. He puts the backpack that
was in the trunk, too, on his lap and pushes himself backward and to the side
of the car using his good leg on the gravel. The trunk door of the car closes
again with a swooshing sound.
He catches me staring. "There is no
backwards gear. But all the rest is pretty amazing. Most of the time it takes
me less than two hours for the whole round-trip. But don’t worry, I will go
slower for you." He grins.
I blush, a little irked, but that dissolves
when I see his eyes dart away from mine. Now, outside of his monstrous car, he
is clearly nervous.
He clears his throat and hands the backpack
to me. "I guess the man is usually supposed to carry the gear up the
mountain but would you mind?"
I do not although I wonder what is in there
when I swing the surprisingly heavy bag over my shoulder. With both feet on the
footrest now Jacob grips the right pedal in front of him and starts moving it
back and forth. It takes some time until he gains speed but as soon as he is on
the pavement, the hand bike is indeed fast and I need to lengthen my steps to
follow.
A family crosses our way as we exit the car
parking, the children staring unabashed at Jacob and even the adults glancing
sideways quickly as they pass us. When we are almost out of earshot but not quite
so, the shrill voice of a child can be heard. “Mum! What is the man doing?”
Jacob's shoulders tense and he intensifies the grip around the handle for a
moment but, fortunately, we do not hear the parents’ answer anymore.
We pass a large sign with a map on it on
our way leading to the edge of the forest and Jacob nods at it. “This is the
only officially accessible hiking trail I know around here. It’s actually
pretty nice; they have done a very good job with it.” His voice is his usual,
centered one.
We enter the forest and when the
temperature drops immediately, I am glad for my sweater. The trail slightly
winds its way upwards, but the slope is minimal. It is indeed nice, paved and
wide enough for two wheelchairs, but other than that looking like an ordinary
hiking trail. I walk at Jacob’s side whenever it is possible, trying to keep
enough space between us to not accidentally bump into his wheels. I can watch
him out of the corner of my eyes, being much taller standing than he is sitting
down, and I see the muscles in his back playing under his T-shirt while he
moves the lever. Suddenly the air does not seem to be so cold anymore.
Jacob is setting a reasonable pace and
keeps being the one leading the conversation. He tells me about his week, work
at the tech support and plans he has for his garden.
“I’d like to grow salad and carrots, you
know. Think that would be nice.”
“Sounds great… good idea.” I have never had
a garden in my whole life and I would not have taken Jacob for the gardening type
either. But then it occurs to me that this has probably been one of his
doctor’s suggestions. He seems to have picked up on it though, judging from his
enthusiastic descriptions.
Half an hour later I realize Jacob is not
talking that much anymore. The path has grown steeper, only slightly though and
without me realizing it but I can see the muscles bulge under his T-shirt as he
continues pulling on the hand bike, his breathing accelerating. After a few
minutes and with the heavy backpack on my back I feel the effect, too, and I
have to remove my sweater. I wrap it around my hips before I shoulder the
backpack again.
Jacob has stopped a few meters ahead and
cranes his neck to look back at me. “Are you okay?”
I brush away the strands of my hair that
have fallen over my face. “Yes… yes. I am fine. Just starting to get a little
warm.”
I blush when I feel his eyes resting on me,
self-consciously tuck at a string of my tank top, and even more when I realize
that he is already drenched in sweat, despite of only wearing a shirt. The way
uphill is challenging him a lot more than me, apparently.
We continue in silence for about an hour,
occupied with the steeper trail, a little bit slower than before but neither of
us comments on it. Once a jogger with a dog on a leash overtakes us; the dog
sniffing in Jacob’s direction before it is yanked away from the wheelchair by
its owner. Apart from that we are alone, only the sound of my footsteps, the
tread of his wheels, the small rattling of the bicycle part and our breathing
can be heard. I try not to glance at Jacob too often, at the shirt that clings
to his body now, the pearls of sweat forming at the tip of his hair in his
neck.
It takes us a little bit more than one hour
and a half to reach the top. Here, the trees are scarce and small. There is a sightseeing
point ahead where a few people are standing looking out over the landscape, but
Jacob steers directly towards the next bench set a little apart and I follow.
When he lines the chair up with the bench I see his face is contorted with
pain. He presses the heel of his right hand into his left thigh, the leg
jiggling a little on the footrest.
“Need to… stretch out,” he groans between
clenched teeth.
I freeze, not knowing what is going on.
His hand trembles slightly when he shoves
his feet from the footrest and grabs the bench to transfer. He closes his eyes
before he attempts the move, quickly sliding over to sit on the bench, biting
on his lip to prevent any sound from coming out. Sweat is trickling from his
forehead, forming small beads in his drawn browns and his breath comes in rapid
gasps as he struggles to pull his left leg out of the hand bike.
I finally wake up from my stupor and hurry
towards him to help him extract the foot that has gotten wedged in between the
rods attaching the wheel to the chair, feeling the muscles in his calf spasm
against my fingers. Jacob is half leaning against the backrest of the bench,
eyes screwed shut, the fingers of his right hand digging into his left thigh,
his leg propped up halfway on the bench.
“Tell me what to do! Please, Jacob…” The
shock as I realize how helpless I am hits me unprepared and panic rises in acid
bubbles as my eyes dart from the agony washing over his face toward the people
standing a short distance away, oblivious to what is going on. I should get
someone for help. I cannot do this alone. I have already risen from where I had
crouched down when he speaks, his voice low and pressed from the pain.
“Don’t… please… It will pass.” He sucks in
his breath and tries to keep his trembling leg down.
I hesitate, caught between the urge to run
away – to get help I try to convince myself – and stay, respecting his wish
against everything my common sense tells me to do. But then I place my hands
hesitantly down on his knee, watching him, trying to gauge if I am doing the
right thing. The voice in my head keeps telling me to bolt, that I should not
be here, what if I hurt him, I am doing it all wrong, this will be ending in a
disaster before it began. My fingers start trembling, too, and I gently press a
little harder, feeling protesting muscles underneath.
Jacob slumps back against the bench, he
seems to concentrate on breathing with his eyes still closed and – gradually –
I feel the twitching of his leg against my hands lessen. It takes a few more
minutes in which people pass us, throwing us curious looks but no one stops to
address us, until Jacob opens his eyes again, gaze directed away from me.
Relief washes over me, making my hands
shake even more than before.
“Thanks.” His voice is hoarse but his breathing
seems okay and his leg is merely shivering a little.
I pull my hands away, forming fists at my
side. I can hear my heartbeat in my head, barely slowing down. “Are you… okay?”
He chuckles drily and pulls himself into a
full sitting position, lowering his left foot down to rest beside his right on
the ground. “Obviously I’m not. But… it’s okay for now.” He looks up at me and
his expression is defeated, his eyes somehow cloudy. “I- I’m sorry you had to
see that… It… it doesn’t occur often. Honestly, it never happened here… I don’t
know what-” He draws a hand through his sweaty black hair, making it stick up
in all directions.
I feel a little dizzy from the adrenaline
rush.
He shakes his head, pinches the bridge of
his nose. “I’m sorry,” he repeats lowly.
“Really… don’t.” I am still standing next
to the bench, still ready to run, ready to step closer should it be necessary.
I take a deep breath to calm down.
Jacob looks into nothing, fingers clenched
around the wooden edge of the bench, not moving a single muscle. I fear this
might end like it did that day when he stormed from my apartment after
repairing my router. He might vanish and leave me alone up here. I would have
to hitchhike to get home. I fucked up after all. “Jacob?”
Jacob blinks and clears his throat. “Okay…
so, I guess we both need a break. What about sandwiches and drinks?” His faked
smile is aching to look at but he seems determined to act as if the last
minutes had not happened.
My hands fall to my side. “Oh… yeah… that
would be great.” Surprisingly, although I am not hungry when I say that, just
relieved and feeling strangely lightheaded, my stomach rumbles at the thought
of food. I wonder where we might get food up here, however.
Jacob seems a little amused by my obvious
confusion and the lines above his brows soften out some. “The backpack... I
would suggest taking a look into that.” His feeble smile makes my stomach flip.
I finally manage to sit down next to him
and put the backpack between us, opening it with only slightly trembling
fingers. One after the other I bring forth the most deliciously looking items,
among others even two bottles of beer and two bottles of water. That at least
explains the weight. The beer is non-alcoholic, I notice as I pop off the cap
of mine with the opener I found in the backpack as well and then do the same
with the bottle Jacob holds in his hand without meeting his eyes. We drink beer
and eat baguette with tiny pieces of cut salami and goat cheese piled between
us on the bench seat. Slowly I start to calm down, positive Jacob's body will
not start a new assault anytime soon.
I pop a cherry tomato in my mouth and lean
back against the bench, turning my face into the sun. “It’s… beautiful here.”
Indeed, it is. We are alone, for the moment, and nothing can be heard except
for a few birds singing. The air smells of flowers and spring, still lacking
the moist and heat of the summer.
I hear Jacob chuckle but I don’t turn away
from the warmth caressing my skin. “What are you laughing at?”
“Nothing. Just… yeah… beautiful.”
I look at him and my stomach jolts when I
catch him staring at me instead of somewhere else. His eyes are still kind of
dim, a sadness lingering deep within. I swallow when he does not turn his gaze
away. “Uh... I think I might have a look down from over there. What about you?”
Jacob blinks and clears his throat before
answering. “Yes… of course. That’s why we came here, right?”
We pack the leftovers and empty bottles in
the backpack again and Jacob transfers back to the hand bike, more carefully
than before. His left leg gives a feeble angry jitter when he lifts it up and
over the construction and places the foot on the footrest. The way to the view
point is even and the fence around it has enough space between the pickets to
look through from a sitting position. We can see over all the lower hills
around us, a wide green sea of soft ups and downs. Some small villages are
strewn in the lower parts. There is a lake directly below us, glittering in the
sun.
Jacob points to somewhere close to the
lake. “Sometimes, depending on weather conditions, you can see smoke. The
mountain is still burning.”
“The mountain is burning?”
I must have sounded incredulous because a
smile tucks at the edge of his lips. Beautiful, full lips. “This is a volcano,
we are standing on. Like most of the other hills you can see from here. All
inactive, so no worries. But this one still has some fire in itself.”
“Huh... cool.”
The accessible hiking trail leads downwards
from then on. While Jacob mostly breaks – there are hand breaks next to the
handles – I have to speed up to keep up with him. But luckily the backpack is
much lighter now and I have a delicious lunch in my stomach. Like that, we
reach the parking lot in a little more than half an hour and without any
further incidents. I cannot keep my eyes from Jacob’s back until we arrive at
the car.
Jacob disassembles the bicycle wheel and
transfers from the wheelchair to the open car trunk again. I pick up the chair
before he can reach for it and place it behind him in the trunk while he stores
the wheel. He thanks me with a nod and picks up his cane, making his way around
the car. The incident earlier seems to have taken its toll and he is moving
carefully and slowly, barely putting weight on his left leg as he hobbles
towards the driver’s door. Midway he leans against the side of the car to rest
a second.
I am long seated when Jacob heaves himself
on the driver’s seat after throwing his cane in the back, his right hand
grabbing the handle at the ceiling, his right leg pushing him up. His seat
rises to position as soon as he puts the key in the ignition and he arranges
his left leg, closes the door and fastens his seat belt.
“Ready?”
We drive back mostly in silence, Jacob
concentrates on the traffic with his brows in a tense line again and I am
starting to feel tired from the walk and fight not to fall asleep. Thirty
minutes into the drive my phone rings and I see Marcus' name blinking on the
screen and pick up after a second of hesitation.
“Ciao, bella!” He greets me, more singing
than speaking and I can see the huge beam in his face in front of me. There is
clanking and music in the background. “I miss you.”
“Miss you, too.”
“When I come home, will there be a surprise
for me?”
“What do you mean?”
“I would take a look into your wardrobe, if
I were you, bella.”
“Oh…”
“Yes.”
He probably bought me the gorgeous lingerie
that I had admired during our last shopping tour together, but could not
afford. Excitement starts bubbling in me.
“Sure,” I purr lowly, sending a worried
glance at Jacob. “Don’t get too drunk, honey.”
“I can withhold when I know the prize that
is waiting for me, beautiful.”
Gosh, he knows how to talk to me.
“Okay, I’ll be waiting for you.”
“I’m dying to get out of here. See you.”
“See you.”
Jacob’s eyes have not left the road but if
possible he has fallen even more silent than before, building it like a wall
between us. I am so sorry that he is still hurting but he knew what he
bargained for when we agreed on a friendship. I still feel like trash.
Jacob drops me in front of my apartment.
“I… uhm… hope you had a nice day.” His
smile is tired and the ghost of pain flickers over his face before he manages
to hide it.
I know better than to ask him again if he
is okay, he is not, I can see that in the lingering hardness of his eyes.
Instead I smile back at him through the open door. “Yes, I had. It was
wonderful. Have a good evening and... take care,” I say, barely more than a
whisper.
“You too.” His expression is an odd mixture
of relief and regret.
I close the door and watch the Jeep until
it rounds a corner, guilt pooling in my stomach.
--> Chapter 7
--> Chapter 7
So sad that this chapter ended like this, how nice had it been when they would bei spending the evening together... I wonder how Cait will enjoy her evening with Marcus... But terrific great written as usual, I was so happy to finally see the update! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I know it's sad... I promise it won't stay like this forever :)
DeleteReally terrific update, but like the comment above says, it ended sadly, though true to life, which can be very complicated. Who will Cait choose and what will she do? I fear the hurt to come. But you do keep us coming back for more!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Adele! Ah yes, life is complicated, I guess.
DeleteJacob is such a sweetheart. I really don't want to stop reading, so I guess I will read the chapter all over again :-)
ReplyDeleteI was wondering all week how the hiking is going to be and how jacob wold be doing it. Your excellent writing made me feel like I was right there... and it was really hot...
I agree -- it was just like I was hiking along with them. Great writing, by the way! I am really enjoying this.
DeleteOh, thank you so much, you two! You make me all very, very happy :)
DeleteSuper nice story. Are you planing to make a chapter from his POV? I think that would be really interesting too.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHaha, hope the week passes quickly for you then =)
DeleteLove your writing, really feel like I'm there and can picture your story so clearly. Your stories are so up my street. Is there anywhere I can read more of your stuff? Short stories, deleted chapters....anything.... I love it!! Can't wait for more. Xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mwin! Oh... I always delete chapters permanently :D But I will see what I can do. You definitely keep me busy here.
Deletelove the fact of Jacob driving a Jeep; portraying Jacob's tough outlook and quiet inner character .. he wants Cait so much and so little is said , but a lot was kept as a pain in his eyes knowing Cait has Marcus..
ReplyDeleteand his left arm .. I'd die dreaming of that curved wrist and fingers ..a disability thats he had to struggle with so much.. and whenever he has to lean onto something to get up and get down..
stirs devvyness in me!!
Aww thanks, I didn't even notice that but yes, you are right... I'm a genius! ;-) Thanks so much for the insides to my story, it's immensely helpful to hear what you readers think and that my writing works. And makes me smile dopily the whole day.
DeleteThis is truly good
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteSuch a great chapter but how come you torture Jacob so much?? :) Does it mean that it will take much time to resolve the issues and get a happy ending? If yes, then the fact that there will be many many chapters to this story is my only consolation! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing!
Hm... I just like to see him suffer? ;-) No, just kidding. You are absolutely right, it will take time but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
DeleteYour writing is fantastic and - no pressure - but could you write maybe another 200K-300K words on this, because I absolutely *love* it?
ReplyDeleteHeh. Sorry. I have this tendency to want more (more, more!) when I find a novel I like.
But I do thank you, sincerely, for sharing this much. It's absolutely gorgeous writing. Love the characters, the plot, everything!
(I may sound a bit too enthusiastic because I'm sleep-deprived. My apologies. But the enthusiasm is real. I'm just better at curbing it, usually.)
Haha, afa :) Thanks so much! I hope you got some rest by now. Although if you write such lovely comments only when sleep-deprived... hm... No, just kidding, sleeping is supposed to be healthy, I recommend it strongly ;-)
DeleteLovely chapter . Please give us more . I am starting to like Jacob . He is such a complex character . His back story is still a mystery . Hope you throw some light on that . We know as little about him as cait . You are a good writer . Keep going.
ReplyDeleteThank you! We will get to know more about him, as will Cait, but it will take time. Be patient!
Delete