We decide the best thing for me to do is to show up after Mike has already arrived and helped Brody into bed and prepared him. The whole thing is really weird for just so many reasons. I mean, it’s weird to be having sex for the first time. It’s weird that a third person has to help with it. It’s weird that Brody has to take a pill beforehand to get an erection. It’s just weird.
Mike answers the door when I show up. He gives me a huge smile. “We’re all set. Come on in.”
“Thanks,” I say. I look at him, unsure if he’s going to come with me to the bedroom.
“Brody says it’s okay for me to leave,” he says. “I’ll come back in a few hours, okay?”
I’m not entirely sure why he needs to come back, but I guess there are good reasons. I nod, and watch him leave. Then I head over to the bedroom.
I see Brody’s lower back up to his mid-chest is under the covers, and his arms are lying on top of the covers. He’s not wearing a shirt and I’m assuming he’s completely naked under there. The thought of it makes my whole body tingle. “Hey,” I say.
Brody rolls his head in my direction. “Hey yourself.”
I take a deep breath and move toward the bed. I slip my shoes off and climb into bed next to him.
“Aren’t you going to take your clothes off?” he asks me.
I bite my lip. “I just… I feel funny about… you know, being naked.”
“Your body is really beautiful,” Brody says very seriously. “And Emily, I’m naked under here and there’s not much I can do about it. So I think it’s only fair that you’re naked too.” When he sees me hesitate, he adds, “You can dim the lights.”
I leap out of bed and turn off the bedroom lights, leaving on only the bathroom lights. I think it’s a bit of a relief for both of us. I peel off my clothing and pull the covers off his naked body.
Brody’s body definitely looks like I’d have imagined the body of a crippled man would look. He benefits from being on his back, because the paunch in his abdomen is less visible and he’s otherwise fairly slim. But that’s the problem, really—he’s slim enough that all the places he’s missing muscles are extremely obvious. His forearms and hands are bony compared with his upper arms, and his legs appear equally useless. His knees are also slightly bent, like they’re stuck in a contracture, and his feet turn in towards each other. And of course, he’s got that tube coming out of his pelvic area, although it’s clamped now.
Brody gets this concerned look on his face. “Emily? You okay?”
“Yes,” I say quickly. Even though I recognize that Brody’s body isn’t conventionally attractive, I realize that I still find him really sexy.
“You still want to go through with this?” he asks me with a crooked smile.
“Yes, definitely!” I say. And I add, “I think you’re really sexy.”
“I’m not,” he says, shaking his head. “But I love the way you blush when you say it.”
I lean toward him, kissing him, pressing my body against his. He’s doing his best to touch me. I grope for his penis, which is still completely flaccid. I wrap my fingers around it, applying gentle pressure and friction. Slowly, it becomes firm in my hand. Firm enough? I have no idea.
Brody continues to touch me and kiss me, but I keep my hand on his penis, hoping it will increase in size as we fool around. It doesn’t. I think this is the best it’s going to get.
I position myself over Brody’s body, and I’m dripping wet now, anticipating feeling him inside me. I reach for his penis again to guide it, but I discover it’s gone completely soft in the minute I’d lost contact. Brody notices what happened and drops his head down on the pillow. “Fuck,” he says. “I hate my fucking body.”
I roll off him and now I’m not sure what to do. Brody assured me he’d had sex since his injury, but right now, it doesn’t seem within the realm of possibility.
“Linda used a rubber band,” Brody says, breaking the silence.
He takes a shaky breath and turns his head to look at me. “Once I’m hard, you wrap a rubber band around the base of my penis. That usually worked.” He adds, “If you’re still interested, I’ve got some rubber bands in the top drawer of the desk in the living room.”
I nod and make my way to the living room. It feels totally weird being naked in someone else’s apartment, but at least I know there’s no one else around. I snag a couple of rubber bands from Brody’s desk and bring them back to the bedroom. He’s waiting for me, his naked body uncovered, an anxious look on his face.
This time when I get him hard, I’m ready with a rubber band. I tie it around the base of his penis as Brody watches me. Then slowly, carefully, I guide his penis inside me.
I’ve always heard that losing your virginity hurts. But it doesn’t. Maybe because I’m 24 and I’ve probably broken my hymen through years of masturbating and vibrators. Plus, and let’s be real here, Brody is not huge. I’m not saying that in a bad way though. For a virgin, it’s actually kind of perfect.
Having Brody inside me fills me with a good, warm feeling. I start to bounce up and down, increasing the friction. Brody can’t do much to help. He paws at my breasts, which is sweet. I start to rub at my clitoris as he slides in and out of me, and I realize I’m going to come soon. Brody’s body bounces below me as I increase my speed, accelerating toward my orgasm. I come hard, letting out a scream that might be heard all the way down in the lobby. And then I collapse onto the bed next to Brody.
I pull the rubber band off Brody’s still erect penis, which quickly crumples. Then I press my body against his, hard enough that we just might fuse.
“I can’t believe I took your virginity,” he whispers in my ear. He’s grinning like the cat that got the canary. “That’s so cool.”
“Is it?” I ask.
He nods. “Yeah, definitely. All the other girls I’ve had sex with were… um, more experienced.” He strokes my face with the back of his hand. “Any regrets?”
He smiles at me. “You are so sexy, Emily. I can’t even believe you’re my girlfriend.”
I look down at my naked body, with all the cellulite and rolls of fat. “You don’t really think I’m sexy.”
He snorts. “Hell yeah, I do.”
“I’m not sexy though.” I can’t help but say it. I’m not. Why does he keep telling me that I’m beautiful or sexy when I’m just so obviously not?
“Emily,” he says. “Look at my body. I’ve got no muscles in my arms or legs, I’ve got a gut, I’ve got a freaking tube sticking out of my pelvis… my body looks about as crippled as humanly possible. But you just had sex with me. If you could want to be with me, looking the way I do, then why is it so hard for you to believe that I think you’re sexy?”
He has a point. If I can find Brody sexy, maybe he really does find me sexy. Maybe to him, I’m more than a pretty face. Maybe I’ve got the whole package.
“I love you,” I say, my fingers sliding over the imperfect bulge of his belly.
“I love you too,” he says. And this time, I really do believe him.