Jordan had an older Chevy Silverado pick-up, parked around the side of the trailer under a simple car port. We made our way over to it and just as we got there Jordan seemed to realize the situation and turned to Shane, “We can take the car if it’s easier.”Shane shook his head, “I can make it.”
I wasn’t sure how Shane would get up into the truck, but I trusted he knew what he could or could not do. Jordan unlocked the doors and Shane told me to get in first. The truck wasn’t too high and as I climbed in I was hoping Shane could make it all right.
I watched as he took his arms out of his crutches, handing them to me and at the same time holding on to the handle on the inside of the door. Jordan stood by just watching.
Shane seemed to be thinking for a moment on the best way to get up into the truck and eventually looked up at the handle above the door on the inside. He met my eyes for a moment as I leaned his crutches on the seat.
I basically whispered at him, “You’re going to make it?”
He nodded and reached with his one hand up to the handle above the door. He actually managed to grab it and with his other hand he was still holding on to the door handle on the inside.
He looked at his hands again and down his legs and with a strong pull up on the top handle and a push up on the door handle he pulled himself up. I saw his biceps and triceps tighten as he pulled himself up onto the seat breathing heavy. His legs were locked straight in the braces, Jordan had come closer some and watched everything with weary eyes, scanning Shane from his legs up to his hands.
Shane barely pulled his butt onto the seat and now his legs were just sticking straight out of the truck. Jordan just watched and I could see the pain in his eyes.
Shane pulled himself all the way up onto the seat, then unlocking the braces and able to bend his legs now. With his hands he lifted his legs all the way into the truck and positioned them in front of him on the floor board.
I watched him and while Jordan’s expression was more weary than happy, I felt my hands get sweaty at watching Shane pull himself up like that. He didn’t say anything and when he was finally positioned he looked over at me and I didn’t miss the smirk on his face.
Jordan shut the door and walked around the truck and jumped into the driver’s seat.
He looked over at us, “You guys ready?”
We both nodded and I scooted closer to Shane. The truck had a single bench and I was able to sit right next to him. He took my hand and placed it on his thigh, where I felt the all familiar material of his brace cuff.
Jordan started the truck and we took off. Shane seemed somewhat tense. He didn’t say anything and Jordan stayed mostly quiet too. I could feel the emotions lingering between them and I just wanted to be there for Shane.
We made our way through Morgan City. Jordan then started talking about the town and the buildings we were passing. I could sense he was trying to make conversation and loosening up the situation some. Shane just listened and eventually Jordan stopped talking. Only the radio in the truck was on now, playing some classic Rock tunes.
The cemetery was on the outskirts of Morgan City. We drove along a country road and eventually we turned onto a gravel road entering the “Meadow of Peace” Cemetery. We passed through an iron gate with the name of the cemetery across the top. Jordan was slowly moving his truck along the gravel path. Shane stared out the side window, I saw his Adam’s apple move up and down as he swallowed. I was nervous at how he would handle this and how he would react.
Jordan pulled onto a grassy area and turned off the truck, “This is as close as I can get.”
No one moved and Jordan said softly, “It’s over that way.”
He pointed with his finger to an area of the cemetery. Shane didn’t move but Jordan jumped out of the truck.
I saw Shane’s breathing come quicker and I squeezed his hand in mine, “Are you all right?”
He nodded and slowly opened the passenger door.
Jordan had come around to the passenger side, looking up at Shane, “Can you make it down again?”
Shane just nodded, shifted and with his hands moved his legs over and let them fall out of the truck.Without him having to say anything I handed him his crutches and he placed them both on the ground right outside the door. Jordan stood by again and watched curiously.
With his arms securely in the crutches Shane then basically let himself slide down the seat. Holding on tightly to his crutches until his feet touched the ground he then locked the braces straight with a small jerk. His legs were rigid again, he focused on his stance and Jordan stood by alert. As Shane had found his balance he looked up at his brother and Jordan quickly moved out of the way. I climbed out behind Shane and shut the door.
Jordan explained, “It’s in the third row over there, to the left about four plots. It’s a head stone with a little angel sitting on top of it.”
Without a word Shane and focusing on the ground and grass in front of him, moving slowly he made his way into the direction Jordan had pointed us to. I glanced at Jordan who didn’t walk with us and thanked him softly.
I followed Shane, my eyes on his legs making sure he was walking okay. There was always the very low rustle of the braces on Shane’s legs, the very soft squeak of the metal hinges as he moved about. It was a very hot and humid day once again. The crickets seemed to be chirping especially loud out here on the quiet cemetery. Birds were singing in the large oaks around us. I looked back and I saw Jordan lean on the side of his truck, arms crossed in front of him and watching us walk away.
We found the burial plot, a simple head stone with a little white angel sitting on top of it. On the front of the headstone a picture of Nick was etched into it and right away I saw the resemblance to Shane. In the photo Nick smiled and underneath his picture was his birthday and day of death. He had the same dark eyes as Shane, just his hair was slightly lighter and on the picture he wore it short.
A small write up stated, “Our dear brother, friend, and uncle. Taken from life much too soon. You will live in our hearts forever.” On the side the stone depicted an image of a fish jumping out of water in front of a sun rise. There were no flowers or anything on the plot, just the headstone on a grassy area.
Shane was now standing in front of the headstone and stared at it. I stayed back some, giving him his space. I saw his fingers tightly gripping the crutch handles and I could see him sway slightly, trying to keep his balance. He then hung his head as he just stood in front of the headstone.
I stepped up to him and touched his arm and he said with a trembling voice, “Can I have a moment by myself?”
I didn’t like leaving him there but I needed to respect his wish. I walked away and leaned on a tree close by, watching Shane from afar. I saw him move closer to the headstone and actually then sit down on the edge of it, unlocking his braces. He kept his arms in his crutches. His head hung and his hair was falling into his face. I saw his body shake and I knew then he was crying. I felt very sad as I watched my boyfriend break down over his brother’s grave. My own tears starting flowing as I felt so much pain and the urge to go over to him was almost overbearing but I stopped myself. Shane needed to go through this by himself at the moment.
I was startled when all the sudden Jordan appeared next to me and asked lowly, “Is he going to be all right?”
Jordan seemed surprised when I looked up at him and he saw my tears, “Anna, are you okay?”
I shook my head and answered lowly, “Not really. I feel so bad for him because I can feel his pain.” I paused and swallowed, then continued with a tear filled voice, “I lost my brother not very long ago.”
“What do you mean?”
I told him under tears, “Shane and I met at Charity where my brother was dying. I almost let Shane slip away because of my brother’s death.”
Jordan was speechless and just looked at me.
I added, “Shane and I have been through so much and I feel this very deep connection to him but I’m so scared to lose him again for some reason. I love him so much but our relationship is built on a lot of pain.”
Jordan swallowed and said lowly, “I think I know what you mean…”
I looked over at Shane, he still sat on the head stone unchanged. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to hold him and be there with him, but I wasn’t sure if he wanted me there.
Jordan kicked the grass and leaned on the tree next to me, saying softly, “Our life hasn’t exactly been easy you know. Somehow Shane always got the worst of it all. Nick and he were very close, they were basically inseparable. They did everything together, even the bad stuff until they got locked up. Shane went to Louisiana State, Nick went up North to a smaller prison. Once Nick got out he went to see Shane as often as he was allowed. It was really tough for them.”
I looked at Jordan, “How was their childhood?”
“We all had it pretty rough. He hasn’t told you?”
Jordan looked down at his foot kicking the grass again, “I’ll leave that up to him to tell you then.”
I looked over to Shane again and decided to walk over to him.
As I got closer I said lowly, “Shane, is it okay if I come over?”
He nodded with his head down. I heard him sniffle, he was still crying.
I walked up to him and sat on the headstone next to him. I rubbed over his shoulders and pushed his hair out of the way some.
With a tear filled voice he said softly, “He should be here right now.”
I replied softly, “I feel your pain baby. I miss Jay every day. I don’t know if that pain will ever go away.”
He swallowed, “I should’ve helped him.”
Tears were still running down his face, “I should’ve helped him, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t fucking move. I kept telling him to hang in there. I told him not to close his eyes. I tried to reach him…but I couldn’t reach him…he kept closing his eyes and said he was tired. I screamed at him and eventually he said he was dying and he couldn’t hold on anymore…He….”
Shane took a deep breath and sniffled his nose, “He told me he loved me and then…he stopped…he just stopped breathing…”
At this point Shane broke down under the tears and he tossed his crutches into the grass and let his hand run over the headstone. His head hung and I stroked over his back. My heart ached for him and it felt so heavy. There was nothing I could do to take the pain away from him, he had to make it through this by himself. He then slid down onto the grass and leaned on the headstone, looking up at the sky and just cried. I sat down on the grass next to him and watched him mourn his brother. I kept running my hand over his arm, that’s all I could do.
“He was the closest person to me. I wish so much he wouldn’t be gone.”
I scooted closer to Shane and leaning on the headstone next to him now I pulled him to me and he buried is face in the crease of my neck and shoulder and he cried.
His voice was muffled, “He was too young to die. He didn’t have a good life and he should’ve had a chance to make something of himself, maybe find a girl to settle down with and have a family. He was just too damn young to die.”
I said lowly, “So was my brother.”
We just sat there, lost in thoughts and memories, Shane’s tears only slowly subsided.
Jordan was back over by his truck. He sat on the hood of his truck, his feet placed on the front bumper.
It was about twenty minutes later when Shane shifted and turning around he pulled himself back up on the headstone and asked in a mumble, “Can you get me my crutches?”
I gathered his crutches which were strewn close by, and handed them to him. He pulled himself up into a standing position, locking his braces in the process.
He looked at the headstone once more and said lowly, “I’ll be back, bro.”
He then just turned away and started making his way over to the truck. Jordan was now sitting inside his truck with the door wide open and napping. He was startled when we opened the passenger door.
Shane handed me his crutches. I set them up in the truck and then got in.
He grabbed the handles again and pulled himself up the same way he did earlier.
We went on our way back into town. Shane stared out the window and didn’t say anything. I had my hand on his leg, I didn’t think he even knew. I assumed he wouldn’t be saying much more the rest of the day and I was prepared to just let him be and process his visit to Nick’s grave.
We drove back to Jordan’s house in silence. After we had climbed out of the truck, Shane leaned on it and said just as I was about to head up to the trailer, “Anna?”“Yes?”
“Let’s go somewhere, I don’t want to hang out here. I just want to be alone with you.”
I was standing close to him, “Yeah, sure…where do you want to go?”
“Don’t know, just not stay here.”
“I will let them know we’re going to hang out still.”
I hurried after Jordan who was just walking up the steps to the trailer.
“Jordan, Shane and I are going riding a little bit.”
Jordan stopped on the top of the stairs, “Yeah, sure…do you have my number?”
“Yes, I do.”
He looked past me toward Shane, who was making his way over to my car, “Is he going to be okay?”
“Yes, I think so. It’s just tough for him right now.”
Jordan nodded, “Yeah, I get it. I wish I could do more.”
I walked over and looked up at Jordan, who was leaning on the porch rail now, “Don’t worry Jordan. He’ll be okay.”
He took a deep breath, “It was hard on all of us when Nick died in the accident. I know Shane and he were really close but it was hard for all of us. I just have a hard time talking about it.”
“I know, it’s all right. Don’t worry.”
He nodded and lightly drummed the porch railing with his hand standing up, “All right. Well, call me if anything is up.”
I nodded with a smile, “I will, thanks.”
Shane was already at my car and I unlocked it. Without a word he was getting in.
I got in the driver’s seat, “Where do you want to go?”
“Let’s go down to the waterfront.”
“Okay, you’ve to show me how to get there.”
We left the yard and Shane told me which way to get to the waterfront. We ended at Front Street where a concrete wall called the “Great Wall” held the Atchafalaya River in its place and kept it from flooding the city during bad weather. From the walkway by the wall the view overlooked the port of Morgan City and the bridges connecting different parts of town. Shrimping boats were docked not far from us.
Shane made his way to the wall and just stood there and looked out over the water and the port. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around him under his crutches. I laid my head on his shoulder and looked out over the water too.I asked him lowly, “Are you going to be okay?”
He nodded, “Yeah.”
“I’m worried about you though.”
He moved his head and his face was close to mine now, “I’ll be all right. Don’t worry okay.”
“You haven’t said much since we got here. I know it was difficult for you to go see Nick’s grave.”
Shane took a deep breath, “It’s just this place…”
“What do you mean?”
“It brings up too many emotions and memories. My life here sucked…this is where I got arrested, this is where I did stupid shit. I don’t know how long I can stay here.”
I let my hand run over his hand holding his crutch handle, “Just for now Shane. I’ll look for a job for you down in New Orleans, you just have to hang in there for a while until things change.”
He nodded, didn’t say anything and looked back out over the port.
I looked around for a place to sit down, and spotted some benches a little ways but not too far for Shane to walk, “Let’s go over there and sit down.”
Shane turned to see where I was pointing and then shifted on the spot starting off toward the bench. I kept pace with him as he made his way focused on the path in front of him, and actually swinging both legs through, the whole time gripping his crutches tightly.
We sat down. He leaned back on the bench and I pulled my legs up and snuggled up into his arm, “I love you Shane.”
He looked over at me, “I love you. If I didn’t have you I don’t know what would happen.”
“What do you mean?”
Shane looked out into the distance, “You know I wished so many times I would have also died in that accident. I didn’t want to live when I saw that Nick had died.”
I lifted my head off his shoulder, “Well, I for one am very glad you’re alive and here with me.”
I shifted some and said, “Look at me Shane.”
He moved his face toward me, his eyes were still blood shot from the tears he had cried earlier. He looked tired and exhausted.
“Shane, listen to me. We have to look forward and not hang on to the past. You and me, we’ll be together and we’ll be happy. Life hasn’t been easy for us but I think it’ll get better for us now. We have each other, we have to stick together, keep our heads above water and don’t let all the bad things from the past drag us under. It takes a lot of strength from both of us. Fate brought us together and love will keep us together. I know how you feel and I know the pain you are going through. I’ve experienced it all. Jay was the closest and most important person in my life and I know you were close with Nick. Now that they’re gone, it’s you and me.”
I paused a moment and swallowed, “Shane, I’ve cried so much as a child but one day I just stopped crying because it didn’t change anything but when I stopped crying I turned into this person who was scared of anyone getting close to me. The only one who knew the real me was my brother. I didn’t let anyone get close to my heart, only Jay. He still has a special place in my heart, he’ll always have that but you unlocked my heart in a different way Shane. I miss my brother very much and I know you miss Nick. But you and I need to keep each other going though, because that’s all that we have left now. Life is still good and it can be fun, we have to keep the faith. I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you.”
Shane moved his dark eyes toward me and his face was serious when he said, “I can’t live without you anymore. I need you so much Anna.”He paused and swallowed, “I want to make you happy but I don’t know if I can. I’m not very strong right now and I don’t have anything to give you. I never imagined being like this and I feel incomplete and messed up. You being okay with my disability is the best thing that could have happened to me but you may get tired of me. I know there’s plenty of guys out there that would give you a much better life, a life that you deserve. You’re everything a guy could wish for in a woman but you’re here with me, a dude who can’t walk and can’t do much at all really. When you leave tomorrow or Tuesday I don’t know what I’ll do without you. I’m so freaking scared to be without you again, but I know I have to do this…”
His voice was shaky and I stroked my hand over his cheek, “Shane, it won’t be easy for me either but I need you to be strong for me through this, okay?”
He took a deep breath and continued with a trembling voice, “That’s all I’ve had to do all my life - be strong, make it through the hard times…when do I get a break?”
With sadness in his voice he added, “I’m so fucking tired of all the shit that happened to me. I’m just so tired, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going.”
He lowered his eyes, “The past year has been a struggle for me every day, every single day I had to tell myself to tough it out. Then out of nowhere you came into my life. I so remember when I saw you in the park at Charity, I saw you look at me and then again around the tree. I couldn’t imagine you were actually checking me out. Then I saw you in the elevator and while I was waiting for my appointment. I still couldn’t believe you were checking me out but I hoped it so much…so very much. Then the coffee shop and we talked for a moment, I was so happy but I didn’t think it would go any further than that. Anna, you were like a light at the end of a really long tunnel, I finally had a reason to live again but I didn’t expect it would…”
His voice was low, “I didn’t expect it would be so painful to have someone to love. I’ve never felt like this for anyone else in my life before and no one has ever cared about me like you do. I wish things would be easy and good but it’s still so hard and it hurts.”
I took Shane’s hand in mine, “It’ll get better for us eventually but right now we have to deal with reality and work our way towards that happiness that we both want. We’re not like other couples, nothing is normal about us, nothing is innocent about us, Shane. We’ve seen too much already and we’ve been through too much pain, our innocence was taken a long time ago. It’ll take time to find that innocence again. I believe we’ve been given a chance and that’s where we are right now. I know there are a lot of issues still inside of you considering your childhood and I think you need to confront these demons to take the first step to that innocent happiness. I was able to deal with those things to a certain extent when I was in foster care but some of it is still inside of me. It’ll never go away.”
Shane shook his head some, “I don’t know if I can ever confront it.”
“I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
“Nick and I never talked about our childhood.”
“I’ve come to realize that none of you guys have.”
I rubbed my fingers over the back of his hand, “The point is, there have been bad things that happened to you and your brothers and to me. It left scars, scars on our hearts, it makes us weak, takes strength away from us, makes us tired but it was meant to be for you and me to find each other and now that we’re together we make this work with our love for each other. We can come to a peaceful place, inside and outside, together. Our love for each other will make us strong and it’ll keep us alive. What we have is worth fighting for and living for, we cannot give up on that! You understand?”
My voice trembled but I wanted to make a point and now I started crying. Shane pulled me closer and under tears I still smiled and said, “I’m such a crybaby, ain’t I?”
Shane smiled at me, “It’s all right. I know you still got a sexy smile in you.”
I cried and we hugged full of love and the warmth of Shane’s body overcame me and I felt so safe in his arms. In those moments I felt like nothing could take us apart. We held each other and we kissed. I loved him so much and I was determined that we’d be happy together for a very long time. I would do anything I could to keep this relationship working, to keep Shane in my life, to help him overcome all the pain he had inside and to make him happy and free him from the chains of his past. We had to move forward and push on as hard as we could. I knew it would be a difficult task, Shane would need me all the way and I knew now that with some things I was stronger than him. I would help him to the best of my abilities. We couldn’t let anything bring us down. I didn’t know how things were going to be but I wanted us to be happy and I was determined to make it all work out.
We held each other for a while longer when Shane said lowly, “I’m sorry I’m making it all so hard.”
“It’s okay, I’m not making it easier either.”
With my head on Shane’s shoulder we sat there and looked out over the port, watching some shrimping boats come in and traffic going over the bridges. Dark clouds were coming in from the gulf and hanging over the horizon. It would probably turn into a thunder storm later on.
I asked Shane, “How do you feel about starting your job tomorrow?”
He looked down on his legs, “Kind of nervous. I hope it’ll be okay.”
“I think it’ll be okay. Once you know what you’re supposed to be doing it’ll be all right.”
I let my fingers run along his brace cuff on his thigh and asked carefully, “So the house you grew up in, where is it?”
“It’s on the other side of town.”
“Do you want to show me?”
Shane shook his head quickly, “Not really…”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you.”
“You didn’t, I just don’t think I can deal with it very good. I’ve had enough today already. Maybe some other time, okay?”
I leaned over to kiss him.
After a little while Shane suggested, “We can maybe drive over to Scott’s house and I can ask him about the job tomorrow.”
“Yeah, let’s do it.”
When we sat in the car Shane directed me back into town and we drove through Morgan City again. He pointed out a couple of buildings and explained what they were or what used to be there.
Scott and Becky also lived in a trailer. On the same piece of land were two other trailers, all older looking. Shane explained that this was Becky’s family’s land and her parents and her sister with family lived in the other trailers. There were several old and rusty cars scattered in the yard. Children’s outside toys were everywhere and a swimming pool and trampoline were set up as well. I saw some cats prowling around. We parked closest to Scott’s trailer and got out.
Scott’s kids came running around the house and when they saw us one of them called, “It’s uncle Shane and his wife.”
I smiled at Shane and he corrected his nephew, “Aaron, Anna is my girlfriend and not my wife.”
The boy just shrugged his shoulders and ran off again.
We made it up the few steps onto the front porch of the trailer and just when we were up Becky opened the door, “Hey you guys.”
We greeted Becky in passing her as she held the entrance and the screen door open for us. I followed Shane into the trailer, and Becky closed the door behind us. The trailer was cool on the inside, the air conditioner definitely on full blast.
Scott was lounging on the couch and sat up when we walked in, “Oh hey guys, what are you doing here?”
Shane made his way toward the couch, “Just visiting.”
“Cool, sit down man…”
Scott held a beer can in his hand, “You want a beer bro?”
Shane shook his head, “No thanks, you got Soda?”
“Yeah, Pepsi or Sprite?”
Shane answered, “Pepsi.”
Scott looked to me, “What about you Anna?”
“I’ll just have some water.”
Scott got the drinks from the kitchen next to the living room and came back handing them to us.
He then sat back down and asked, “So, did you sleep all right at Jordan’s?”
Shane unlocked his braces under the curious eyes of his brother and answered, “Yeah.”
He then took a sip from his Pepsi and asked, “So what’s the deal with the job in the morning?”
Scott shifted on the couch, “Yeah, well, they’re ready for you to come in.”
“What exactly am I going to do?”
“You’ll work in the office. They’ll train you. You’ll be coordinating all the trucks to all the sites. We have sites in Lafayette, Baton Rouge, New Orleans, Lake Charles and some in Shreveport. I drive to Lafayette almost every day right now, that’s my route. I think it’ll be an all right job for you. Webber is an all right boss man.”
Shane looked down, “Thanks for helping me out with the job.”
Scott laid back on the couch, yawning, “You’re welcome, it’s the least I could do. We’ve to be there at 6 in the morning, sometimes we start earlier. I’ll pick you up at Jordan’s house.”
“Do I still need to interview?”
“Hell no, he’ll talk to you for a moment and then probably throw you out there. I already told him about you, he knows everything, he’s giving you a chance, dude. The other dispatcher is Cody, he’s cool. You should be all right.”
“What do I have to wear?”
“Your normal clothes, jeans and a clean T-Shirt.”
Scott turned to me, “So Anna, are you staying down here with us now?”
I shook my head, “No, I’ll probably head back to New Orleans on Tuesday morning. I’ve to go back to work too.”
Scott asked, “You’ll come down on the weekends then?”
“I have to work on weekends so I’m not sure yet.”
Becky stood in the kitchen and turned toward us, “It’ll be hard for you guys to meet if you work on weekends and Shane will be working during the week.”
I heard the edge in her statement. Shane was sitting quietly next to me and Scott added, “Well, it’ll work out somehow, we’ll keep him straight down here.”
He laughed a little glancing at Shane.
Scott looked back at me, “So you really work in a night club, right?”
I nodded and at that question Becky put in her two cents from the kitchen, “Remember, she’s a stripper.”
I turned over to her, “I’m actually not a stripper, but an exotic dancer. I’m also an assistant manager at the club.”
Becky pretended an apology, “Sorry, I didn’t know there was a big difference.”
Scott threw his wife a sharp look and Becky shrugged her shoulders at him.
Now Shane shifted and said, “It’s a very nice club.”
Scott looked surprised, “You been there?”
Shane nodded and also glanced at Becky who looked surprised.
He added, “Yeah, Anna took me there to meet her boss and the staff.”
Scott grinned, rubbing the beard on his chin, “The staff as in the girls?”
Shane nodded and Scott still grinned, “Lucky dog, man…”
Becky hissed from the kitchen, “Jesus Christ, Scott! Pull yourself together…you’re missing out on so much, aren’t you? I don’t know if Shane is that lucky with having a girlfriend who exposes her body to other men. Would you want that?”
Scott looked from us to Becky, who was apparently moving pots in the kitchen around extra aggressively.
Scott just mumbled, “Yeah, well, not much happening in this house.”
Becky had heard his comment and with that she slammed a pot and walked out the door now.
Scott sat up, sighing, “Well fuck, that didn’t go over too well…she used to be more fun, you know?”
He looked at me, “I’m sorry Anna.”
He got up and mumbled, “Let me go check on her.”
Shane and I looked at each other, and he said, “We should just get out of here. I don’t know what her problem is. I’m sorry she gave you a hard time.”
“It’s okay, I’ve heard worse insults before.”
I fiddled with Shane’s brace cuff and he said, “Let’s go. I need some distraction.”
He grinned at me from the side. I pushed my fingers under his thigh cuff and jerked on it slightly, giving him a mischievous smile.
Shane slid his arms into the crutches and stood up, locking his braces. I followed him out of the trailer. Scott and Becky were standing off to the side and when they saw us come out Becky strode over with quick steps. I expected her to throw more insults at me. Scott came after her, his hands in his jeans pockets.
Shane got in front of me and I held on to his right crutch worriedly. Becky had reached us on the porch and positioned herself in front of us. Shane looked at her sternly and I was worried she would say something harsh.
Instead she apologized, “Anna, I’m sorry I acted stupid and about the stuff I said a while ago.”
Scott came up next to his wife and actually put his arm around her.
Becky looked down embarrassed and said lowly, “I’m just a little stressed lately with the kids, the pregnancy, hormones, and all that. I had no right to act the way I did toward you Anna. I know you guys are good for each other. I hope and wish everything will work out for you guys. “
She looked up at Shane, “Shane, I know we had our differences in the past but I’m glad you’re back home. Anna, I’m happy he has you.”
I stepped out from behind Shane and walked up to her, “Becky…thank you. This means a lot to me. I never meant any harm. I was excited to meet all of you, Shane’s family and I really hope you guys can get to know me and accept me into your midst. I care a lot about Shane. We both haven’t had exactly easy lives. I can see he has a loving family here, and I hope I can be part of it. I’d love for all of you to come visit me in New Orleans soon.”
Becky’s eyes were shiny with some tears, “That’d be nice, but not at the club…” We laughed and she wiped over her face quickly, “Anna, I’m sorry. You’re welcome here and I’m glad you and Shane are together.”
“Thank you Becky.”
Shane nodded, “Thanks Becky. What you just said means a lot to me too. Anna is a good person and things are very different with me now. Anna is very good for me.”
Becky then stepped up to Shane and hugged him tightly while he held on to his crutches mumbling another Thank you into her hair.
She then turned to me and we smiled at each other and hugged.
Scott smiled with relief, “You guys don’t have to leave yet.”
Shane replied, “No, we should go to get some rest before tomorrow.”
“Okay, well, I’ll be over to pick you up at 5:30.”
Shane shook his head and mumbled, “Shit, that’s early man.”
“Be ready bro or I’ll drag your ass out of the bed.”
We said Good Bye. I didn’t know if I would see them again before I headed back home so I told Becky good luck for the pregnancy and thanked her again. We hugged and eventually we drove out onto the main street again.
On the road I asked, “Back to Jordan’s?”
Shane just nodded and gave me directions on where to go.
Soon I realized we were driving out of town and I asked, “That’s not the way to Jordan’s.”
Shane smiled, “It’s not but trust me.”
We took several turns and I just followed his directions and soon found myself on a narrow dirt road, “Okay, if you wouldn’t be my boyfriend I’d be getting very worried right now. You do know where you’re going?”
Shane glanced over at me smiling and nodding. We ended in the middle of the woods with marshland around us and cypress trees covered in Spanish moss. There was a clearing and I looked at Shane.
“You can turn your car off.”
I turned my car off and looked around. I saw a small wooden shack and a wooden deck that lead out over the marsh and swamp. A fishing boat was anchored at the end of the deck, sitting still on the water.
“Where are we, Shane?”
“Just a little place we used to hang out at a lot. It belongs to Jenny’s family. We used to come out here to get wasted and sometimes other things. Sometimes also fishing.”
He only nodded but didn’t answer. I had let the windows down. Right away the heat and humidity crept into the car. Crickets were chirping very loud around us.
Shane moved his seat back some, giving him more leg space and then he let the seat lean back some. He looked over to me and with a nod of his head nodded to me to slide over to him.
I smiled, “What’s going on with you?”
I scrambled over the gear shift and moved his crutches out of the way to the back seat, then laid on Shane.
“I told you I needed some distraction.”
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down to him. We kissed for a while. I felt his body under mine and I heard his braces squeak lowly as I moved on him. My legs were tangled with his legs and just feeling the braces on my jeans aroused me very much very quickly. Shane kissed me hard and assertive. He slipped his hands under my tank top and quickly pulled it over my head. I was only in my bra then. I did the same to him and pulled his T-Shirt off. Right away I kissed his chest, the tattoos in my field of vision. I saw his muscular arms out of the corner of my eyes and felt his hands on my back and my ass.
His breathing quickened and I was very turned on.I mumbled into his skin, “Is this the other stuff you used to do out here?”
In between kissing he hushed, “Maybe…”
I bit his skin lightly and asked, “How many girls have you brought out here and taken advantage of?”
He laughed lowly, “Too many to count.”
I looked up at him with a smile and softly punched his chest, “You’re so bad…”
He bit my neck softly and mumbled, “You bring it out in me.”
I licked over his chest and around his nipples. There was not much movement possible in the front seat of my fairly small car. We were getting sweaty but kept on kissing.
I felt Shane’s hand in between my legs and his fingers along my crotch.
My pussy was tingling, “Shane, what are you doing?”
“Just taking advantage of you.”
I heard the smile in his voice. I let my tongue flick over his arms and over to his chest. When I glanced up I saw his dark eyes on me. He watched how I kissed him and how my tongue slithered over his skin. His hands ran through my hair and he laid his head back.
As much as we kissed and got excited, there was no erection in his jeans. We didn’t have enough room in my car to take this any further. I could kneel down in the floor board and maybe undo Shane’s jeans and give his cock some attention but most likely nothing would happen for him in that department anyways.
I sat up some and said lowly, “Maybe we need to take this party outside the car?”
He watched as I climbed off him and stepped outside the car. He let his seat up. My car radio was still on the Rock station and I started moving around outside the car next to the passenger side where Shane was sitting. The ground was soft and covered with moss and grass. I was barefoot as I had slipped my shoes off in the car already. Shane sat up some and watched as I started dancing.
I kept my eyes on him as I moved around. He just watched me.
It was really humid. Even though we were parked in the shade I was still getting sweaty. I was dancing around and suddenly I felt a rain drop on my bare shoulder.
Shane just sat there and scanned me with hungry eyes.
He demanded, “Take off your bra.”
I tilted my head and smiled but took my bra off and Shane’s eyes were fixed on me. There was thunder and I was startled for a moment. Shane looked up into the sky and then back to me, nodding for me to come back into the car. I shook my head.
I was in the moment and I saw Shane fiddling with his braces and I moved over to him some, “What are you doing baby?”
“Taking off my braces.”
“Why? I find you really hot in your braces.”
I leaned into the car and rubbed along his brace cuffs some. More raindrops came down now. Shane watched me with a smile but still kept unbuckling his braces. I didn’t know why he was taking his braces off but I kept dancing around and he kept glancing up at me as I stretched, squatted and bent my body to the music. I unzipped my jeans and I saw Shane finishing up with his left brace. He slid his leg out of the brace, his foot came out of the boot attached to the brace.
There was another thunder roll and the rain came down heavier now. Shane watched me as I slipped my jeans down my legs and still stretched my ass toward him, only in my thong now.
When Shane wanted to touch my ass I turned around quickly and took his wrist, “No touching there honey.”
Shane smiled and quickly got busy with his right brace. I still had no idea what he was doing. I was getting wet but I didn’t really care. I was in the moment. Watching Shane unstrap his braces was making my heart beat fast and I knew I was getting wet not only from the rain on my skin.
He then lifted his legs out of the car and let himself down in the floorboard. Then he basically put his fist on the ground outside the car and propelled his body out of my car, somewhat plopping onto the grass and moss. I had stopped in my dancing for a moment and watched him in amazement.It was raining harder now and another thunder rolled.
I looked down at him as he pulled himself away from the car, “What on earth are you doing Shane?”I was only in my thong and Shane was down on the grass and looked up at me, “Get down here now.”
I got down next to him and he didn’t wait around but pulled me down over him and kissed me passionately.
He mumbled in between kisses, “You turn me on so much Anna. Help me get my jeans off.”
I still wasn’t all the way sure what we were doing. We were now getting wet and as I pulled Shane’s jeans off his still legs the thunder rolled again and lightning struck close by. I threw his jeans into the car.
Shane was startled now too, “Shit.”
He laid there in his boxers and I was in my thong. It was still very warm and I think we were sweating even with the rain on our skin. I was over Shane again and he kissed my neck and down to my chest. I moved some so he could reach my breasts and with quick breaths he kissed me, and suckled on my nipples, bit them slightly, sending a shiver through me.
His hands were tightly grabbing my ass and he then rolled over some and I was lying somewhat under him. His legs lay scrambled and twisted but he pushed me down on the grass and kissed me hard. The rain was coming down now, the thunder was close and lightning came in shorter intervals.
Shane mumbled into my skin, breathing quickly, “You know we could die here right now?”
It scared me for a moment when he said it but he was right, it was dangerous for us to be lying on a flat surface with a thunderstorm over us. The sky was dark and the clouds were purple and green over us.
At the same time I was totally turned on by him. Our clothes were in the car, my stereo was still on but with the storm we couldn’t hear it too clear anymore.
We licked the rain drops off each other and Shane eventually got a hold of my thong and pulled it down. His chest was moving up and down quickly, I could tell he was very excited.
He bit my ear lobe and said, “Let me taste your pussy.”
I took a deep breath, his words alone drove me to the edge. I was bare naked, the rain running over our bodies, thunder rolling and lightning not far from us.
Even though I was somewhat scared I was also extremely turned on by Shane at the moment. He was wild and all over me.
When I didn’t react right away he repeated, “Get your pussy up here for me. Right on my face…”
I was breathing quickly now, water was dripping from my hair onto Shane.
I looked up into the sky when another lightning struck and I hushed, “Shane, I’m scared…we are crazy.”
When I looked down at him, his dark eyes were drilling into me and he just smiled, “Don’t worry about it...we’re not going to die. Let me have some pussy now.”
I moved up to him and with my knees bend at the side of his head my pussy was right over his face. I arched my back and his hands grabbed my ass and pulled me down to his face. I felt his strong hands on my ass cheeks and soon felt the flick of his tongue on my clit. His hands came around from the back and he ran his fingers along the inside of my thighs. I was trying to breathe somewhat normal but felt extremely aroused. And even though the thunderstorm soaked us and it was scary it was also very hot what we were doing.
Shane was working my pussy with his mouth, tongue and his fingers. I soon felt his fingers inside of me, pushing and exploring. My arousal was getting stronger by the second. A thunder startled me again and when I flinched some on Shane he pulled me back down again. Watching him getting busy down there turned me on so much. Eventually I grabbed his wrists and he was surprised when I pushed his hands down over his head and held them there.
His chest was moving quickly up and down, “Anna, what are you doing?”
I hushed over him, spreading my legs some more pushing my pussy right to his face.
I was basically sitting on him now, “Make me come with only your mouth and tongue Shane.”
We were soaking wet now, my hair was dripping and I heard Shane under me, “Gosh Anna…what the hell…you turn me on so much. Let me touch you.”
“Work it with your mouth. I know you’re very much capable of making me come that way.”
He laughed lowly. I held his hands down over his head and I felt his wrists pushing against my hands.
He worked my pussy all right, I felt his mouth sucking on my labia and his tongue licking all around, then pushing his tongue into my soaking wet opening, soaking wet not from rain. Shane was creative and with his nose he flicked against my clit, then pushing his tongue in again. He did this a few times and I moaned loudly over him, “Oh Gosh Shane…you’re doing good. You’re going to make me come so hard in a moment. Keep going with what you’re doing.”
I saw his hands ball into fists and his muscles flex as he tried to push against me holding him down. I felt him try to move some under me and I let him get some air for a moment. Lightning struck and thunder rolled, the rain was pounding on us, our bodies were slick with rain water. I screamed for joy and excitement but I knew no one would hear me out here.
Shane kept working my pussy and I could feel his body tense up under me and for a moment I glanced at his legs lying still and motionless. His upper body though was in an uproar, I could feel it.
Just as I was about to come he said once more, tense and breathless, “Fuck…..Anna, you’re driving me fuckin’ crazy….”
At that moment he pushed his tongue in again and watching him under me, his arms trying to move, his muscles flex and his chest moving up and down trying to breathe as good as he could and as much as I let him get air I came hard and intense with Shane’s mouth right on my pussy, his tongue pushing in and around my clit and I screamed into the thunderstorm, throwing my head back, my soaked hair grazing Shane’s belly. My nerve ends were charged into the far corners of my body as my orgasm sped through me like I had been struck by lightning.
I kept my pussy on him for a few seconds, not letting him breathe too much and his arms were fully flexed and eventually I let his arms go and he grabbed my ass right away. He was gasping for air and I moved my pussy up some and looked down to him.
His eyes were dark and shiny and he seemed to be in a different zone. His breathing was still quick.
There was not one dry spot on us anymore, the grass and the moss around us was soaked with little puddles. I looked around us for a moment as I let my orgasm subside. There was also the danger of snakes or alligators all around us.
Lightning struck basically over us now and Shane snapped out of it, “Maybe we should get into the car again. We’re fucking crazy Anna…let’s get into the car or the shed.”
I laughed, “Oh yeah, now you’re panicking….”
He laughed and I sat down on his pelvis and he slowly pushed himself up on his elbows, then on his hands.
We looked at each other in the rain and we started laughing out loud and only when lightning struck again we were startled and Shane said, “Shit…let’s get into the car…”
I climbed off Shane and looked at him, “How are you going to get into the car?”
He turned onto his stomach and pulled his body over the ground toward the car. Shane still had his boxers on but they were soaked. At the car, I quickly moved all his stuff out of the way into the back seat.
Shane sat next to the car and looked up at me, “I may need a little help.”
I felt funny standing there all naked and for a moment we looked at each other and we started laughing again at the situation. It was funny, Shane on the ground, naked only in his boxers, dirty and wet and me all the way naked next to him trying to figure out how to get him into the car again.
I said under my laughs, “We’re such idiots.”
Shane laughed but turned his back to the car and with his hands on the door step of the car door he actually pushed himself up so that he hoisted his butt up on the step. I then stood in front of him, my legs spread and he had my pussy once again in his view and he laughed, “All right, that’s what I’m talking about.”
I then helped him get up onto the seat, it was slick with his wet skin and as Shane was finally on the seat with his butt, he then pulled his legs in with his hands. I ran around to the other side of the car. Just when lightning struck again I jumped in and shut the door quickly, looking over at Shane and we laughed again.
We sat in my car, soaking wet, naked but very happy. Our clothes were dry in the back seat and Shane’s braces were back there too. I looked over to him and he shifted to face me.
He smiled, “Anna, that was so hot out there.”
I smiled somewhat embarrassed and looked down, “It was very hot…literally humid and hot.”
We laughed again and Shane moved closer some and held his hand out to me.
I put my hand in his, and he said lowly, “Not that kind of hot…you know what I mean.”
I nodded, “Yes, I know…it was very hot.”
I moved closer to him now and looked at him, “You were amazing.”
I still wondered if it had actually been good for him in some way. He obviously didn’t get hard, he couldn’t feel anything below his T-11 vertebrae.
Shane seemed to be reading my mind, “It felt really good for me too even though I….”
He paused and took a deep breath, “Even though I can’t get hard and stuff…I hope it’s still good for you.”
I looked deeply into his eyes, “You made me feel amazing Shane. The way you worked my pussy with your mouth and tongue, you made me come so hard. I don’t need an erection and I don’t want you to ever worry about that. I’m happy it felt good for you too.”
He nodded, “It was really intense for me. The way you held my arms down and I almost couldn’t breathe but it made me crazy…I wanted to taste every bit of you. You letting me get that close to you means a lot and I’m so happy I made you come like that. I kept thinking about all the things I would want to do to you, and I did imagine myself with a hard on and being able to be inside of you.”
“You shouldn’t think about these things if they make you sad though.”
Shane shrugged his shoulders, “It does frustrate me more than anything but everything we did still felt so good.”
“I’m glad. We’ll figure out these things for us and what works best.”
I leaned over closer to him and we kissed. The car was totally fogged up by now. Our hot and wet bodies and the humidity inside and outside was keeping us in a haze.
Once we let go I said, “Well, let’s get out of here.”I started my car and Shane looked over at me, “Anna, maybe we should put on some clothes.”
I laughed, “No, let’s just drive home like this.”
He grinned, “Jordan would be very surprised.”
I left the car on for the air conditioner and I gathered our clothes from the back seat. Shane’s boxers were soaking wet and he got them off eventually. It was a bit a hassle for him to get into his jeans again, his legs were also getting spastic now, flopping from side to side and making it hard for Shane to get his pants on. He eventually had his jeans on.
“I won’t put my braces on right now, too difficult in the car.”
I had my clothes on again and we adjusted our seats. The thunderstorm was still going on but it seemed to be on its way out.
Shane mentioned, “We got pretty soaked out there, didn’t we?”
“Yeah, totally…” My hair was still wet and dripping some.
I added, “But we had fun, didn’t we?”
“Hell yeah, we did.”
I was about to turn my key in the ignition when Shane said, “Wait Anna…”
I stopped what I was doing and looked over to him, “What is it?”
He looked down on his hands in his lap then over to me, “I had a great time and I’m going to miss you so damn much. I can’t even imagine you not being here anymore.”
I shifted, turning to face him, “You’ll be all right Shane.”
His eyes were on me, “Anna, the last couple of weeks were the best time I have ever had in my whole life. You mean so much to me. No one has ever made me feel like you do. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore.”
He paused, then continued, “Everything you said earlier down by the river was very true. We met at the crossroads I think. I was almost done at Charity and I had no clue what I would do with my life. You were there because of your brother who was really sick. For a couple of months we had both been to Charity but we never met. Then we meet at the end of our time at Charity. I sometimes wish we would’ve met sooner, but then I think about it and it probably wouldn’t have been good. You were dealing with your brother, I was not doing very well physically and psychologically. I wish we would have had more time together, it’s hard to let you go already when we just met. I will try my best to deal with it though. I know I need to work, I need to get my life back on track again, for you. I want to make you happy and if it means being away from you I’ll just have to pull through. I want to make you happy and that’s all I’ll focus on. I’m going to miss you like hell though but I hope you love me enough and that’ll keep me going. I know I love you more than anyone, you’re the most important person in my life. I never want to be with anybody else, I want to spend the rest of my life with you and even though it’ll still be a while until we can be together day and night, my love for you will keep me going.”
He took my hand in his and I looked at him, feeling my vision get blurry, “Shane…”He continued lowly, “When you leave on Tuesday or when we have to say Good Bye I won’t be able to say much, not because I don’t want to but because it’ll be too hard for me. I just want you to go then, so please don’t hold it against me.”
I waited a moment, then started, “Shane, I love you so much. It was beautiful what all you just said. I’ve never felt the way I feel for you about anyone in my life before either. I felt a strong connection to you from the first moment I saw you. You’re right, maybe just now was the right time for us to meet and even though it’ll not be easy for us I know we can do it and I want to be with you always and forever. I’m certain things will work out for us but we have to always remember our love for each other, and we’ll be okay. We’re meant to be together baby, I can feel it. You’re the guy I’ve been looking for all my life. I really believe you are my soul mate.”
A tear rolled out of my eye and when I met Shane’s eyes he said, “You’re so beautiful Anna.”
Even though Shane had said all the wonderful things and even I kept reassuring him of my love and that things will work out, deep inside there was a fear of maybe losing Shane again. It lingered inside of me and even though we were so close, sometimes I felt like he was still out of reach in a strange way. The love and pain I felt when I looked into the depths of Shane’s dark eyes were walking hand in hand. Sometimes it all seemed so unreal and I didn’t understand how I deserved to be so loved by him, so needed and so longed for. I still feared that any day I would just wake up from a dream. Shane sometimes seemed like he was from another world. I wasn’t sure what caused my worries and fears but they scared me.
I couldn’t tell Shane about these things and I tried hard to just not worry about it. I didn’t know if it had anything to do with the pain Shane had been through all his life combined with the hardships I had endured in mine. Maybe all of it caused unexplainable fears. Then again I tried to tell myself that no one knew what the next day would bring and I had always lived okay with the motto of taking it day by day but now it didn’t seem to work anymore. I thought about my future with Shane, about his future, and the future I hoped we would have together. It was as if destiny had gotten a hold of me and I had no control over anything. I wanted to love Shane unconditionally but at the same time I was still scared to totally lose control being in love with him. The last time I had felt so helpless and out of control was in my childhood and it was scary then and it was scary once again. This time it was because of the deep love I felt for Shane.
I had drifted off into my thoughts and once I focused again I realized Shane was still looking at me with dark eyes, “What are you thinking babe?”
Tears were still running down my face. Just looking at him in that moment made me sad.
Almost in a whisper I said, “Shane, promise me that you’ll always be in my life no matter what’ll happen!”
He looked concerned, “What’s going on Anna?”
I sniffled my nose, “I just have this fear in me, I don’t know why…I’m scared I could lose you somehow.”
I didn’t want to tell him more, I really wanted to be strong for him but my emotions had overcome me.
The storm was still raging around us and the rest of the world seemed so far away. It was just I and Shane in my little car, in the middle of the woods and I felt out of control.
Shane shifted and stroked his hand up and down my arm, “Anna, I’ll always be with you, maybe not in person but in here.”
He put his hand to his heart, “Everything will be all right.”
I moved over some and hugged him over the gearshift. He held me tightly to him and I muffled, “I’ve lost too many times before.”
Shane said lowly, “I know what you mean. Sometimes it gets very hard to be strong and it’s okay to break down sometimes when it just gets to be too much. I’m here for you baby. But didn’t you tell me to be strong a while ago?”
It was almost as if Shane and I took turns having breakdowns and right at that moment it was my turn. Shane just held me and didn’t say anything else. He knew exactly how I felt and I realized how much we needed each other. I had to keep telling myself not to think about losing him but instead embrace every moment I had with him. I couldn’t let my fears and worries come between the feelings I had for him.
I let go off him and looking deeply into his eyes said, “I love you so much Shane.”
“And I love you a lot too.”