Sunday, July 24, 2016

New Beginnings - Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Shane directed me through town and we ended in a trailer park close to the airport. I could see right away the trailer park wasn’t very new. It seemed old and most likely inhabited by low income residents.
We slowly made our way through the trailer park until we reached an older wood paneled trailer, “This is it.”

An old Ford pick-up truck and a small car were parked in no particular formation in front of the trailer. Outside toys were scattered randomly around the vehicles and the trailer. A dog came running out from somewhere under the porch and barked loudly as we parked and opened our doors.
Shane was just lifting his legs out of the car and called out to the dog, “Trooper, shut up!”
Trooper ran around to Shane and seemed to recognize him. He wildly wagged his tail and greeted Shane jumping up on him as he tried to get out of the car.
Shane was holding on to his crutches, slowly making his way toward the trailer.

I followed him and just as we reached the porch steps the trailer door opened and a male voice called, “What the hell is going on out here Trooper?”
A bearded, tall, muscular guy stepped out onto the porch and when he saw us he boomed, “Well, look what the cat dragged in.”

Obviously Shane’s friend Mitch, he spotted me behind Shane and watched as he slowly made his way up the four steps onto the porch. Mitch clearly wore work clothes with the logo of a car shop and his name stitched over his left chest pocket. His arms were covered in tattoos.
Shane made it up and with a deep breath he said, “Mitch, this is Anna.”
I came around Shane and smiled, “Hi Mitch, nice to meet you.”
He laughed, “Very nice to meet you Anna.”
He turned to Shane and patted him on the back, “Hell, now I understand why you didn’t want to come home last night.”
Shane didn’t say anything, but only grinned at Mitch.
Mitch gestured us into the trailer, “Come on in guys.”

We stood in the living room. The TV was running with a cartoon on, two young boys in front of it.
They jumped up and ran over toward Shane, hugging him somewhat, “Shane…Hi,”
He greeted the two and they let go off him and turned back to their cartoon.

Mitch called toward a woman in the kitchen, “Look who’s come home…”
I saw pots on the stove steaming under a vent and a heavy set woman turned around, wiped her hands on a towel and came toward us. Right away she eyed me suspiciously and I just smiled insecurely.
Leaning on the counter she regarded Shane with small eyes, “You were supposed to watch the kids yesterday.”
Shane said lowly, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
With that she turned to me, “I’m Tammy.”
She reached her hand out to me and I took it, it felt sweaty, “Hi, I’m Anna. Nice to meet you.”
I felt like I should say something about the lack of communication on Shane’s end, “I’m sorry he didn’t come home last night. It was my idea for him to stay at my apartment. With the storm and all…”

Tammy had her apparently long brown hair in a bun on her head, she didn’t wear any make-up and looked tired. Her figure was visible through the tight tank top she wore and heavy legs sticking out of some shorts. I felt her eyes scan me up and down and she remarked bluntly, “Well, no wonder he didn’t have his head on right…”
Shane didn’t say anything and Tammy added, “Are you from out here?”
“No, I actually live in Metairie but I grew up in Ponchatoula.”
I smiled but she didn’t smile back at me. I felt very insecure in her presence and I could literally feel the resentment she harbored toward me and even a little toward Shane.
“How did you meet this knuckle head?”
Shane stood next to me, pressing his lips together and taking a deep breath.
Mitch cut in before I had to answer, “Why don’t you just leave him alone woman? Sit your ass down Shane. Over there Anna…have a seat.”

I followed Shane over to the old couch and he let himself down with some heavy breaths, unlocked his braces and leaned back on the couch. I sat next to him.
Mitch called from the kitchen, “Shane, a cold one?”
Shane answered, “Yes.”
Mitch then asked me, “Anna, what do you drink?  A beer too?”
“No thanks, just water is fine.”

He came over with the beer bottle and the water and handed the drinks to us.
He then turned to his kids, “Turn the freakin’ TV down!”
The boys did as told and Mitch asked, “So what’s up?”
Tammy came into the living room addressing Shane, “Aren’t you done with your Physical Therapy on Friday?”
She added, “Mitch is going to take you to Morgan City on Saturday then.”
Shane explained, “I was actually going to get my stuff and stay with Anna the rest of the week.”
He looked over to me and I nodded.
Tammy seemed surprised, “Already moving in?”

I really didn’t know what the situation was between her and Shane but I could definitely sense some tension when she spoke to him.
I felt I had to say something, “Well, he isn’t moving in with me, it’s just for a few days. I live closer to the city and I can take him to his appointment on Friday and maybe even back to Morgan City.”
I was surprised when she said, “You know he ain’t got a job, a place to live and really no money either. Been living here with us for the longest time and we’ve been feeding him and letting him stay here while he finishes all that stuff with his legs at the hospital.”
Shane shifted some and before I could reply Mitch looked at his wife sharply, “Tammy, cut it out okay…Leave him alone.”
I still felt like I had to defend Shane, “I know all these things, he told me everything.”
Tammy got up and laughed, “Did he now? Everything?”
She walked away and back to the kitchen. I looked over at Shane who sat quietly but I could just see the anger in his eyes.

He drank from his beer and then said, “I’m just going to get all my shit…so you guys won’t have to bother anymore.”
He already grabbed his crutches and was about to get up. Mitch stood up too and as Shane started walking toward the back hallway of the trailer I heard him say, “Dude, you know she doesn’t mean it like that.”
As I came after them Mitch smiled at me weakly, “I’m sorry Anna, my wife and Shane just never liked each other very much.
As Shane disappeared in a back room, Mitch asked me lowly, “So you guys met at Charity hospital then?”
“Yes, we did.”
I was surprised he knew and Mitch must have read it in my face and added, “He told me about you and he was pretty happy when you first met. You should’ve seen him last week.”
Shane had heard us and peeked out of the room, “Shut up man…come over here and help me get my shit.”
Mitch shrugged his shoulders and smiled, “He’s an all right guy.”

I smiled and we walked to the back room where apparently Shane had been sleeping in the bottom of a bunk bed for almost a year now. He directed Mitch to where all his stuff was which turned out to be not a whole lot at all. Shane instructed Mitch to stuff all of it in a large sports bag.
While Mitch did this he said, “I’ll miss you around here Shane. Before you go back home we should hook up on Friday night and have a couple of drinks.”
He turned to me, “You too Anna…” He looked toward the door and grinned whispering, “If you have a friend bring her too.”
I was very surprised at his comment and he waved his hand, “Just messing with you.”
I helped Mitch load Shane’s clothes into the bag, he had a few pairs of jeans, one pair of regular high top Nikes, and some T-Shirts, boxers and a hoodie.
Shane turned to me, “I just have to get my stuff from the bathroom now.”
He walked out and I followed him. Mitch took the bag out to the living room.
I helped stash Shane’s items in a plastic bag and eventually asked him, “Is that it?”
“Yeah, I don’t have a whole lot of stuff.”

We went back out to the living room. Tammy stood there and watched as Shane made his way. I saw her stare at him bluntly. He kept his eyes down.
Mitch suggested, “I can put the bag in the car already.”
I replied, “Oh, great. Here’s the key.”
I handed Mitch the key and he walked out.
Tammy said cold, “Well, Lenalier, you’re not my responsibility anymore.”
That was the first time I heard Shane’s apparent last name.
He looked up at her and said with a serious face, “Thank you for everything Tammy. I couldn’t have made it without you and Mitch. I wish I could have done more for you guys.”
“Well, you can thank Mitch. He insisted we had to take you in.”
Shane added, “And it meant a lot to me…if it wouldn’t have been for you guys I wouldn’t have known what to do.”
She shrugged her shoulders like she didn’t care but I could see some kind of affection for Shane in her eyes when she said, “You need to get your shit together. This right there…” She pointed at his legs and added, “This should’ve been a lesson for you and you need to get it together now.”
I couldn’t believe what I heard and I felt tense and angry at what she said to him but I had a feeling that there was a back story to all of this.

Mitch came back in and saved the moment.
He handed me the key and Shane nodded, “All right, I’m outta here.”
Tammy scanned me once more and I was expecting her to say something hurtful again but all she said now was, “It was nice meeting you Anna…keep his ass in line.”
I really didn’t know what to reply and could only say, “Thank you, it was nice meeting you as well.”
The two boys came running over and hugged Shane again, “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to live at another place now.”
The two clung to Shane, “We don’t want you to go away.”
Mitch said, “You guys let Shane go now. He’ll come visit us.”
One of the two boys said, “We can just steal your crutches and you can’t go anywhere.”
Shane smiled, “Yeah, you would do that too, wouldn’t you?”
The other one attempted to take Shane’s crutch and Mitch reprimanded, “Cut it out Hunter…you leave Shane alone now.”
The two stopped and let go, “Bye Shane.”
Shane looked over to Tammy once more, “Thanks for everything Tammy. I’m really grateful for everything you did.”
She only waved him off, “Just get the hell outta here now.”

With that we walked out. Shane slowly made his way down the couple of steps and I was behind him, Mitch in front of him making sure he made it all right.
At the car Mitch asked, “So, do you have a number I could call if I need to get in touch with the knuckle head?”
I answered, “Oh yeah, sure.”
I gave him my cell number and we also planned we would get together maybe on Friday.
Mitch seemed sad to see Shane leave and he hugged him warmly, “Shit, I hate to see you go. You been doing good though. You can make it the rest of the way bro. And I’m freakin’ jealous for what you found at Charity.” He laughed and looked at me, “Sorry Anna…but this knuckle head here is a lucky bastard.”
I laughed and said, “Thank you Mitch, I take this as a compliment.”
“Definitely a compliment.”
The two men finished with Shane saying, “Mitch, thanks for everything. I can never make it up to you what you did for me. It really meant a lot.”
Mitch smiled, “Don’t worry about it.”
We got in and Mitch said to me, “You’re going to take care of him for me, Anna?”
“I will try.”
“If he doesn’t behave, you call me and I’ll come and kick his ass.”
We all laughed and soon after we were slowly making our way back out of the trailer park.

We drove in silence for a few moments, I could tell Shane was still thinking about leaving his friend’s house.
I asked lowly, “Are you all right?”
I just had to ask him then, “What’s the deal with Tammy? She seemed very resentful toward you and me too.”
Shane didn’t say anything and I repeated, “What’s going on with her?”
He looked out the side window and answered tensely, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I felt the topic was sensitive and I didn’t push it anymore.

We drove back to Metairie and I kept pondering about the reason for Tammy’s behavior. At my apartment I found parking close to the stairwell. Shane got out of the car slowly and without saying anything. I dreaded seeing him have to go up the stairs again. Gosh, how much did I wish I would have lived on the ground floor. There was nothing I could do but watch my boyfriend struggle up three flights of stairs and worry about him falling. Besides my purse I got Shane’s plastic bag, backpack, and sports bag out of my car and I walked with him to the bottom of the stairs.

He looked up at me from under his bangs and he smiled insecurely, “Here I go again, climbing that mountain.”
I felt bad and I sighed, “I hate this.”
“It’s all right baby…I’ll make it. You can go ahead.”
I hesitated, “But it worries me so much.”
“I’ll be all right Anna…stop worrying. Fact is, I’ve to get my ass up the stairs to be with you and so be it. It’s not your fault.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” He leaned over and kissed me on my check, “Go up there already. I’ll get there when I’ll get there.”

Reluctantly I started up the stairs with Shane’s bags and my purse. I worried about him though and once I had unloaded all the bags in my apartment I went back out into the stairwell and looked down. I heard Shane’s crutches as he slowly made his way up but to my relief finally reached the top.
He smiled at me, “Told ya I’ll make it.”
I kissed him quickly and I was so relieved he was up again. He passed by me into my apartment and went straight for the living room where he sat down exhausted. I came into the living room and he was breathing quickly. I got him some water and brought it to him. He thanked me and took a large sip from it.
He then pulled me over onto his lap and looked me in the eyes, “I AM a lucky bastard.”
We laughed and he added, “Anna, thanks for letting me stay here with you.”
“You better behave or I call Mitch to pick you up again.”
He pulled me to him and we kissed for a while.

When we let go off each other Shane held me to him still and stroked strands of hair behind my ear, “Anna, I’m sorry about today with all the drama. I’m sorry about the breakdown this afternoon.”
“Don’t worry about it anymore, it’s over.”
He shrugged his shoulders and I added, “So, what’s the deal with Tammy though?”
He looked at me surprised, “You didn’t forget?”
“Nope, I didn’t.”

He didn’t answer right away but instead started playing with his thigh cuff. I moved off him and sat next to him. He watched me pull my legs up on the couch and he kept fiddling with his braces.
“Shane, why did she say that stuff about you? She seemed resentful.”

He looked over to the window, and started lowly without looking at me, “When I first got out of the hospital and moved in with them I wasn’t doing well. I was a mess you know…couldn’t really walk yet, not even very good with the braces. I had some ugly old wheelchair the hospital had lend to me…”
He stopped and looked back over to me and I confirmed, “A wheelchair from the hospital?”
“Yeah, I took it back when I got better with the braces.”
“Okay…and what does all that have to do with Tammy?”
He took a deep breath, “Well, I was on pain meds, I laid around the house mostly. I was out of it a lot. I didn’t do much and every day I was there with her. Mitch was at work and the kids in school.”

I had a bad feeling where this was going and looked down, took a deep breath and then looked back at Shane.
His eyes were sad, “She started coming on to me…”
I bit my lips, it was what I had expected. I didn’t know what to say.
He continued, “I let it happen a couple of times…I mean I wasn’t even all there. I eventually tried to stop her but she kept on and she got really nasty.”
“What do you mean?”
“It went on for a couple of weeks and she used my condition to black mail me. She said she was going to take my crutches and braces away during the day if I didn’t let her….”

I was shocked to hear this.

“She’s messed up…I mean, it’s not that I walked around a whole lot or whatever but I needed my braces and my crutches to even make it to the fucking bathroom. She left me in the bedroom a couple of times without my stuff and I literally peed in the bed…so I let her keep getting herself off on me and just went with it. It was really twisted and sick. Once I got better I put a stop to it and I was seriously pissed at her. We got into a bad fight one day. I told her I would let Mitch know. She slapped me and said she was going to turn it around on me and tell Mitch that I forced her. She was going to try to get a fucking rape charge on me if I would have told Mitch. She eventually stopped this sick shit and even though I still showed her respect and all she basically then just showed me the cold shoulder. She never did like me anyways but then we were done.”

I was speechless sitting there listening to this, “Did you…did you have any….feelings for her?”
He shook his head, “Fuck no…I didn’t want any of it but she basically took advantage of me. I hate myself for all of it and I hate her for having done this. I really don’t know what her deal was. I think she really got a kick out of doing this to me…like some sadistic sick bitch or something…I don’t know. She had control over me in a really fucked up way.”
He sounded angry and frustrated and I was surprised at his language.
“So Mitch has no idea?”
Shane shook his head, “No, I feel guilty as shit….I don’t know what will happen if he ever finds out. If she would turn it around like that, Mitch would kill me or beat the shit out of me at least.”

I didn’t really know what else to say but attempted, “You should have gone to the police or something?”
Shane looked at me wearily, “Anna, do you really think the cops would have believed me? She had the upper hand and what the hell was I supposed to do, get her locked up…she’s got kids…she’s my friend’s wife. I really had no choice other than to go along with this sick game.”

Having seen Tammy that day I didn’t think she was that attractive, maybe when she was younger and skinnier but now she didn’t seem like a happy woman and with that seemed like she didn’t really care about her appearance. I wondered a little bit if she just really came on to Shane or if it may have been consensual and Shane just felt ashamed for what he had done to his friend who had taken him in during his toughest times. Then again, it was before I even knew Shane so it really didn’t have anything to do with me directly. I was quietly pondering in my thoughts and I also thought about if maybe Tammy felt about Shane’s disability the way I felt about it, that it was for some reason a turn on and something that had excited her. If he felt about Tammy the way he did, how did he really feel about my attraction to him?
Shane asked lowly, “You don’t believe me, do you?”
I looked over at him, “It’s such a weird thing that she did that to you.”

He shifted and his eyes were dark when he added tensely, “Anna, I told you the truth…you wanted to know why she hates me…well, now you know. The stuff she said about me, I wanted to go off on her today. I hate her. I wish so much that it would’ve never happened but there was nothing I could do. I was messed up, I was drugged 24/7 and I was fucking helpless when it came to stuff. I was kicked out of the hospital without any knowledge about things, about paraplegia, about my body and how broken it was. I was fitted for the braces, they strapped my legs into them, and they stuck my arms in crutches, couple of bottles of meds and they sent me on my way with a freaking hospital wheelchair I got to borough. Rehab happened for me twice a week at first not like for a normal person with insurance who gets Rehab right after the actual hospital stay. People who have fucking insurance get to go through rehab for months every day and they come out knowing how to deal with all this shit. I still don’t really know how to deal with all of it. So I moved in with Mitch and her not really knowing how anything worked. I got some handouts….some fucking handouts on Paraplegia, Anna…that is how I was supposed to start living my new life. I’m just now starting to actually be okay with all of this shit. Zach still tells me I need to hold my crutches different or whatever. I ask for a fucking real wheelchair and I get a letter that it’s not covered. I could have either gotten a wheelchair that the hospital wasn’t using anymore or I was just going to be without a wheelchair. So I make my way around in this shit…” He looked down to his braces.

He was breathing quickly and his voice trembled and he added, “Yeah, Tammy literally fucked with me and there was nothing I could do. I did need her to change the fucking sheets when I peed in bed…so I had to let her have what she wanted I guess. And it’s not that I got anything out of fucking with her.”
He took a deep breath and I could tell he was angry, hurt, and frustrated.

I didn’t know what to say and after a moment he said lowly, “Anna, I’m sorry it happened and I wish so much it never would’ve but you need to believe me when I tell you that you’re so much more to me than any of this stuff. You’re like a light in the darkness I’ve been in. I want to let you know everything because I can’t imagine being without you again and I want you to know everything about me. When she…”
He swallowed, “When Tammy said this stuff about me not….not having a job…or money…I wanted to jump her because she did it to spite me and because she’s probably so fucking jealous. But…what she said…it…”
He took a breath and exhaled long, “It’s the truth…I don’t have anything, I don’t have a job, I don’t have money or anything…but having you now is giving me a reason to get back on track. I want to be so much better for you, I want you to be proud of me, to want to be with me not only for….”
He looked down at his legs, “Not only for this…but for who I am.”
His voice trembled, “And I’m so freakin’ scared you will change your mind about being with me.”

His eyes were shiny and I took his hand away from the thigh cuff of his brace and I held it, “Shane, I’ll be there for you when you get back on track. And even though it’s going to be hard, you need to go back to Morgan City and I want you to figure things out. I’ll come down there as often as I can but I want you to go and be with your brothers and hopefully you’ll find work and things will then get better.”

I knew he didn’t want to hear that and even though it was difficult for me to say these things I felt he needed to try to figure things out for right now. I wasn’t going to do everything for him. I cared so much for him and my heart was overflowing for him. I loved being with him, I loved looking at him, I loved watching him in his braces and on his crutches, it turned me on and I wanted to spend a lot of time with him but we had just met and I needed to keep at least some distance between us until I was sure it was the right thing to do.

Shane looked at me, “I know you can’t say it to me but I love you Anna, I really do.”
I moved closer to him and cuddled next to him, “I care so much for you Shane and I want to be there for you in the long haul.”
He pulled me close and we kissed again.
After the kiss he said lowly, “I really don’t know why she did it.”
I smiled at him, “I know why she did it…she did it because you are super-hot, but guess what…”
He looked at me expectantly, and I added, “You’re with me now and I’ll take advantage of you any time I want to.”
He smiled at me, “Anytime please.”
We kissed again for a long time.

I prepared a light dinner of pasta and Alfredo sauce and when we sat over dinner I announced to Shane, “So I was thinking about going to the club tomorrow and visiting with Nadine and everyone.”
Shane finished a bite, “Yeah sure, I can stay here.”
“I want you to go as well. How would you feel about that?”
He seemed surprised at this and asked lowly, “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“I want Nadine and Rob to meet you and you can see where I work at.’
He took another bite and then said lowly, “Yeah, I guess it would be all right.”
I was slightly worried about bringing Shane to the club but at the same time I wanted to see how he felt about it and how it would be for him. If we were together he would have to deal with this after all.

We ate dinner and outside a thunderstorm was brewing again. The thunder still sounded far away but there was some lightning in the sky already.
Shane mentioned, “Sounds like there’s another one coming. I wonder how Hurricane season is going to be this year.”
I started clearing the table, “Oh, I hope we’ll be spared. It’s so scary every year.”
I took his plate and smiled at him, “Why don’t you get comfortable on the couch again while I clean up?”

Shane made his way over to the couch and I glanced at him momentarily and my hands trembled. I finished up in the kitchen and as Shane was zapping through the TV channels I opened the cabinet with all the liquor in it and turned to him, “Ta Daaaa…”
He grinned, “Wow, I see you got yourself some treasures there.”
“What do you want?”
I showed him Whisky, Tequila and Rum, “I got ice too.”
“That bottle of Crown looks good.”

I set the bottle of Crown Royal on the table and filled two glasses with ice, then brought them over to the table and filled them about a quarter full.
While I poured, Shane watched and asked, “What are you trying to do to me?”
“Nothing, I just felt like having a drink. It’s been a dramatic day.”
He nodded and replied lowly, “It sure has been…”
When he took his glass he smiled, “Maybe I shouldn’t be drinking this stuff…too much of it and I may be saying stuff I shouldn’t.”
We tapped our glasses and Shane said, “To this beautiful woman here with me.”

I smiled and we drank. I cuddled up next to Shane and pushed my finger to his chest, “Tonight is the night.”
He looked surprised, “The night for what?”
“I want you to tell me who you really are.”
I smiled but when I said it I pushed my finger a little harder onto his chest, “I know there’s more to you than what I know so far.”
He looked away and sighed with a smile, “There’s nothing more.”

I turned down the TV some and rested my head on his shoulder, “So what’s the deal with your brothers? Are you guys close? You haven’t said much about them.”
Shane took a sip from his glass and without looking at me he explained, “I was close to Nick, he was only a year younger than I. There is Jared, he lives in Baton Rouge with his girlfriend and her family. He’s the youngest. Then there are Jordan and Scott, both married with kids and living in Morgan City. I think they’re making it all right, not great though. I guess I’m close with them too but I mainly hung out with Nick, we were really close. I haven’t been able to stay in touch too good with all of them over the last couple of months with all this shit going on with me and having to be here in New Orleans.”
I looked at him curiously, “So you went to school and graduated in Morgan City?”
“I actually dropped out of High School but got my GED later.”

He took another sip from his Crown and I asked lowly, “What about your parents?”
He took a deep breath and looked over at me, “You’re serious with the questioning, aren’t you?”
“I’m sorry Shane, I can stop it.”
Lightning outside flashed and a few moments later thunder was rolling loudly.

He looked over to the window and kept on, “No, it’s all right I guess. I just…I don’t know. We had a kind of fucked up life. Nick and I had the same dad, Scott and Jordan were from another guy and even Jared was from some other dude…my mom was messed up.”
“Where is she?”
“She died five years ago, she had cancer, only 53 years old.”
I did a quick calculation in my head, “So she had you when she was 22 years old?”
“Nick came about a year later. She had Jordan when she was 17 and Scott when she was 19.”
“All the guys in her life were assholes. Jordan’s and Scott’s dad is out of the picture. She was never without dudes I guess but she kept that pattern though. My dad left when I was three and then she just had different guys living with her and lots of shit happened, abuse toward her, us…it all sucked. Jared came out of a one night stand, the dude doesn’t even know he had a kid with her. And again she found a guy and then pretty much all hell broke loose. She didn’t have any kids with him but this guy made our life serious hell. Life turned to total shit with that guy. I got out of there when I was 17, moved in with Jordan and Jenny, his now wife. I had to leave before something really bad would happen. Over the years my mom had a couple of miscarriages too, she drank, she did drugs and shit…”

He finished his Crown with a large sip and looked at the bottle. I poured him some more and handed him the glass again.

It had become dark outside and the thunderstorm was raging. I lit some candles in the living room and then cuddled up next to Shane on the couch again, draped a blanket over myself and watched the lightning for a moment.
Shane started again on his own, “I don’t even know how many times social services came to the house…I don’t know why they didn’t get us out of there.”
He sounded angry and I asked softly, “What kind of abuse was it?”
He drank again and replied, “You don’t want to know…”
He drank again, and looked at his glass, “This stuff is bad for me, gets me thinking about too much shit.”

I sat up some and looked at him, gently stroking a strand of hair out of his forehead but it fell right back. His eyes were dark and shiny and I let my finger run over his cheek, his eyes stayed on me as I let my finger run over his face, down his neck. He took another big sip and almost finished again. I took the glass from him and set it on the table.

He put his hand to my face now and let his fingers run over my cheek, “I’m getting warm in here.”
“Take your T-Shirt off!”
He smiled, “You’d like that, huh?”
I nodded and put my hands to his T-Shirt and he let me pull it over his head. I admired his chest with the tattoos for a few moments.

He asked, “Why did you take my glass away? I could use another one…”
“You seem like you’d be an angry drunk.”
He laughed, “You’re probably right about that.”
I poured him some more Whisky and when I handed it to him said, “That’s it for you.”
He laughed again, “Thanks."

He took another sip, I was still on my first glass, “So when you left home you moved in with Jordan and his wife?”
“Not done with the interrogation yet?”
He sighed, “Well, I also lived on and off with friends, Nick did too. We worked in construction but things were still not right…we did some bad shit…” He paused and took a deep breath, “And it caught up with us eventually.”
The thunder rolled and I asked, “What do you mean?”
Shane stared into the flame of the candle on the table, “You really want to know?”
I stroked up and down his arm, thunder and lightning making me jump and I said softly, “I want to know who’s sitting on my couch here.”

He looked back at me and his face was serious, the flames of the candle reflecting in his dark eyes, “Well…here goes then…” He took another deep breath and I got nervous at what was coming.
“We got into drugs…we used ‘em, and we dealt ‘em. It was good money and this went on for about five years and then they put a stop to it.”
I looked at him expectantly and was getting very nervous at his story.
He looked down into his glass, “We got busted, arrested and charged. I got 8 years at Louisiana State, Nick got 4 years at Allen Correctional. I was 24, he was 23.”

I was shocked and couldn’t speak for a moment.
My heart was pounding in my chest and I asked with a trembling voice, “You went to prison?”
He nodded, “I’m out on probation right now, I have about 18 months left.”
He stopped and his eyes were dark and shiny in the flickering candle light. I was speechless and I moved my hand from his arm and I tried to process what he had just told me.
I sighed, “Shane…I don’t…wow…”

I didn’t know what to say about this. The lightning outside screeched and the thunder rumbled loudly. For a few seconds the lightning lit up the room and it scared me. I got up and closed the blinds, Shane stayed silent. I didn’t know what to think and I didn’t know how to feel now.

When I looked back at him he sat there and just looked at me with a serious expression, “I’d understand if you’re going to kick me out now since now you know who’s sitting on your couch.”
I stood there and just looked at him, “I definitely had enough surprises for today.”

I walked over to the couch again and sat down, but looked at him sternly, “And no I’m not going to kick you out, but is there anything else I need to know? Tell me now!”

He shook his head, “No, that’s it, you know the rest of the story, it’s sitting right here…a dude who can’t walk. Like I said before, my life has been pretty fucked up and yes, I’m so fucking tired of it...I want to make things right and I really wanted to get it together before all this shit happened.”

He looked down at his legs and added lowly, “I’m done with all the crap happening…I know I fucked up. I did my time. I’m on probation so I need to keep my shit together. Soon after I got out on probation the accident happened and so, yeah, my criminal days are over. I know I fucked up and I want to make things right.”

I didn’t say anything else and he took a sip and added lowly, “And I’d understand if you don’t want to be with me after hearing all this. I really didn’t want to tell you but I guess you have the right to know. Even for me hearing myself tell you all this makes me realize how much shit is going on with me and I really don’t know why you would want me to stick around.”
I looked down to his legs, then up again and asked sternly, “Tell me the truth…are you still doing drugs?”
He shook his head quickly and answered, “No, I’m clean…I’m done with that life. I swear to you Anna.”

The thunderstorm was right on top of us now. The candles flickered in an invisible breeze and I turned to look at Shane again. His eyes were black and shiny, his expression was worried.
“So what’s going to happen? Are you going to take me back to Mitch’s place?”
I moved closer to him again and took a deep breath, “No, I’m not going to take you back to Mitch’s or kick you out on the street. I trust you Shane. You’re done with the criminal life and I believe you. I’m glad you told me everything. I care more for you than to just call it quits.”
I moved myself over Shane’s legs and sat on his lap, “I’m not letting you get away that easy.”
He finished his last sip and handed me the glass to put it away, “I need to stay away from this stuff…”
I felt his braces under my skin and I let my fingers run over his face and down to his chest, “I’m going to keep you in line and you better not screw up.”

He had his head resting on the back of the couch and his eyes were on me as his hands softly travelled up and down my arms, “Anna, I really want to get my life together but I’m tired…and just when I was doing okay with everything we had that accident. I mean Nick and I had plans to make a better life for ourselves again. We knew we fucked up and it sucked big time to be locked up and that’s over six years of my life I won’t get back. I was 24, I spent my twenties in a cell when I should’ve been out working and making a life for myself. I know I fucked up and even this here, the paraplegia really messed me up and threw me a very sharp curve ball. I didn’t want this. I wanted to be right and then this happened. I’ve been trying so fucking hard to be okay over the last couple of months but not being able to work, not having money, being away from my family, having lost Nick…dealing with all this disability crap…it’s been such a shitload of stuff coming all over me and I’m just tired and exhausted.”

Looking at him now his eyes were sad, and he did look tired but nonetheless I was so drawn to him. Shane telling me all of this didn’t really change how I felt for him and my attraction and my feelings for him grew stronger by the minute.
I stroked my fingers over his face, “I’m going to be there for you and help you get your life together again. We’ll figure it out together.”
I shifted some and with the movement felt his braces on my skin again and it was warm between my thighs. I moved closer to his face and leaned down some.
He whispered, “I need you Anna.”

With his hands on my waist he pulled me closer and we kissed for a long time. The thunderstorm was moving away some. I wanted to be close to Shane, I felt his strong shoulders work as he let his hands run up and down my back. Our tongues were entwined in our mouths. My hand wrapped around his neck and in the back of it I pulled on his hair some, forcing his head to lean back. His breathing was quick.  We kissed for a while, I could feel Shane getting excited.
When I unlocked my lips from his, he pulled me closer again and kissed my neck, mumbling in between, “You’re so hot Anna…”
I just smiled at him.

I sat on his lap and felt the braces on the back of my thighs and it turned me on so much. I moved my lower body around on his lap, feeling my loins ache for more. I didn’t feel anything bulging in Shane’s jeans. I touched his braces with my hands and he just let me, leaning his head back on the couch. My hands rubbed over the leather and metal bands around his thighs. I saw Shane’s chest rise up and down quickly. His breathing was audible and he swallowed under quick breaths. I worked my way around his braces. I eventually slid down from his lap and kneeled in front of him on the floor between his braced legs. My hands travelled up and down his legs, I felt the brace cuffs snug fitting around his thighs and calves, the metal rods on the outside and inside of his legs going all the way down, ending in the heel of the boots where they were built in and held his feet in the boots in place. For a few moments I let my fingers run along the waistband of his jeans and then flicked my tongue along the same area. When my hand whisked over his crotch I didn’t feel anything though, nothing bulging, nothing hard.

Shane had seen my hands feel his crotch and he met my eyes as I looked up at him, “Anna, what are you doing?”
My hands were still running along the brace cuffs, “You turn me on so much.”
He looked somewhat sad and said lowly, “Come up here and kiss me again.”
I climbed up on his lap and after we kissed for a few moments he let his fingers run through my hair and whispered, “Anna…I can’t…I can’t get hard…I don’t feel anything down there…you don’t need to even put your hand there. Nothing is going to happen with it.”
I pushed my finger on his lips, “Shut up…I don’t want to hear it. I know, you don’t have to remind me. You turn me on no matter and I want you, I want to come on you again.”
He seemed somewhat surprised at my words, I was surprised at myself but he didn’t say anything else.
I added, “Let’s go to my bedroom.”

Shane sat up some and adjusted his position on the couch. He watched me as I climbed off his lap and handed him his crutches. He slid his arms into them, pulled himself up, his head down and his eyes focused on the ground in front of him. His braces locked in position and he looked up at me and nodded toward the door.
I stood over to the side, “You go in front of me.”
Shane shook his head and smiled, “Really?”
I let him pass and watched as he made his way in his braced legs, only in jeans, with his naked upper body and I smiled at him, “Foreplay baby, foreplay…”
I walked into my bedroom after Shane and watched as he let himself down on the edge of the bed, unlocking his braces.

He sat on the foot end of my bed and I turned on some music on the radio. Soft rock tunes were filling the room.  He watched me walk over to him. I started dancing in front of him, smiling at him seductively. He still had his arms in the crutches and during my dancing I slid the crutches from his arms and as I let one crutch drop to the floor next to bed I held on to the other one and danced around with it. I wrapped my leg around it and moved my body up and down it, my pussy rubbing along the crutch. I watched Shane the whole time. His eyes stayed on me longingly as I let my body move around in front of him, got down on the floor and slowly started to undress.
He smiled and looked away for a moment and I laughed. I liked seeing him happy. I stretched my legs out to him and let my foot touch in between his legs in his crotch, then let my toes explore the braces. He watched and smiled and I worked my toes down his legs and I was definitely turned on now. My pussy was getting wet and as I eventually kneeled in front of him I took his hand and brought it to my tits. He reluctantly touched them but then quickly pulled me up to him and grabbed me forcefully on my ass, saying, “Anna, why are you doing this to me? You’re so freaking hot and I want to do all kinds of stuff to you. Let me taste your pussy.”
I was surprised now.
I was fully naked and he ordered, “Stand up in front of me!”
I stood up in front of him and he let his hands travel over my naked body, my belly, and my hips and on the inside of my thighs. He let his fingers caress my pubes and I held on to his shoulders.
He then ordered, “Take my braces off for me and don’t even think about coming before I get a taste of your pussy.”

His words drove me to the edge and willingly I kneeled down again and started to unbuckle and unstrap his brace cuffs from around his thighs, his calves and also the knee pad. I untied the laces on his boots and eventually everything was undone and he helped me take his legs out of the braces and his feet out of the boots. Now he sat there just in jeans and socks. 
He then pulled himself up on the bed and dragged his body to the headend of the bed.
I stood and watched, my loins aching, and he then nodded at me, “Come over here now and stand up on the bed and spread your legs for me. Brace yourself on the wall behind me.”

I was definitely excited now by Shane’s boldness and I climbed on bed and stood in front of him, my legs spread to either side of him as he leaned on the headboard. My pussy was basically right in mouth level for Shane to reach easily. I pressed my hands against the wall behind my bed and felt Shane’s hands on my legs, stroking up and down, kissing my thighs and licking my skin. I was breathing quickly. I was totally naked, he still had his jeans on.

I looked down and watched Shane go down on me with his hands on my ass and running his fingers all around and his lips exploring the inside of my thighs. I could barely control my moaning.
First I felt his fingers around my clit again and he worked it just right, a little pressure here, a little flick there and eventually his hands running along the length of my pussy lips. I watched him move his mouth to my clit and he kissed it, and his tongue flicked over it and a surprised low moan came over my lips.
He stopped for a moment and asked from down below, “Are you ready for me to eat your pussy?”
I heard the smile in his voice and I only barely managed a low Yes.

His lips reached my pussy and he licked along my labia, holding my ass tightly pulled to him with his strong hands.
It drove me crazy and while he was down there he ordered, “Tell me how much you want me in my braces!”
When I didn’t say anything because I had to catch my breath he stopped in his oral caressing of my pussy and repeated, “Tell me how much you want me in my braces and how it makes you feel!”
I could barely breathe anymore and I hushed in an insecure stutter, “You turn me on so much in…your braces, I want you in them all the time….I love watching you…”
I had to stop for a second because whatever he was doing to my pussy made me gasp and he mumbled, “Keep going or I stop.”
I took a deep trembling breath, “I want to see you in the braces all the time…you’re the hottest guy I’ve ever been with and your braces are making you irresistible to me…I can’t get enough of watching you in them, watching you walk in them…I can’t get enough of you Shane…”

He worked my pussy just right and I felt his fingers slide in and out and eventually he pushed his tongue in and I went crazy, pressing my hands into fists against the wall, trying to keep standing as my legs were shaking with the attention to my pussy by his tongue and mouth. I felt my knees get weak and my arousal was racing through me preparing my body and mind for an explosion of passion and lust.

Shane’s neck was stretched up toward my lower regions and his tongue thrust into my pussy over and over again and his face kept flicking my clit with every thrust. His dark hair tickled on the inside of my thighs and around my loins. His fingers dug into my ass cheeks so hard it almost hurt. I saw Shane breathing quickly as well, he was fully concentrating on the task though making me come closer and closer to climax.
My whole body felt the charge go through it, I had chills all over my skin as Shane literally sucked an orgasm out of me and I moaned and gasped over him, “Oh Gosh Shane…oh my Gosh…”

He didn’t stop but helped me ride it out as long as my body let me and his grip only got lose when I let my head hang in total exhaustion, worried I would collapse onto him as he was slowly letting his tongue come out of my flooded pussy and with a few more licks and soft kisses on my pussy lips he finally was visible under me and when he looked up and our eyes met he smirked at me and wiped over his mouth with his hand.

I felt the sweat and heat on my face and only managed a clumsy, “Shane…you’re a beast…”
He laughed and I added, “I’m about to collapse, I need to sit or lay down…you took everything from me.”
“Get down here then.”
I slowly moved down next to him and I cuddled up to him. I smelled my scent on his face but I still kissed him on the cheek and he put his arm around me and leaned his head back seemingly very satisfied with his accomplishment of making me come so hard.
He asked lowly, “How was that?”
I was still lingering in the previous moments, “Amazing…”
I was feeling the aftermath of my climax with chills on my skin and my legs feeling weak.

Shane held me and was quiet for a few moments until he said, “I love you Anna.”
I pressed my lips together and thought about it but I couldn’t say it back to him. Something kept the words inside, a fear of something I couldn’t explain, worries about Shane and somehow a shadow over what we had. I couldn’t explain it but I couldn’t say it yet.
After a few seconds he asked lowly, “Why not?”
I sat up some, we looked at each other.
I leaned my head on his shoulder again, “Shane, you’re the most important person in my life right now. I care so much about you but I’m worried somehow, I don’t know why.”
Shane sounded tense but also weary, “Don’t worry anymore. What do I have to do that you can love me? Tell me what I have to do.”

I tried to think of an answer.
He asked, “What are you worried about?”
I felt that it bothered him and even though I wanted to say it to him, I didn’t feel it was all the way honest.
“Is it because I was locked up?”
I sat up quickly, “No! That has nothing to do with it.”
His eyes were dark, “What is it then? Is it because my dick is dead and I can’t perform like other guys?”
I got a little angry now, “Shane, stop saying these things…you know it has nothing to do with that either.”
He kept his gaze on me, “What the fuck is it then?”
I moved away from him some, “What is wrong with you Shane? I can’t say it yet…why do I have to explain it?”
He pulled himself up some, “You know I did everything I could, I laid out all my shit for you. I told you everything about me, even the crappy parts, which is pretty much my whole fucked up life. I could really use a break from all the shit I’ve dealt with lately. If my fucking paraplegia turns you on so much and you want me in those braces all the time what else do you want from me. You do realize you won’t find another guy like me, because most other guys can still walk on their legs without fucking hardware to help them and other guys can still come with their hard dicks and go inside any pussy they want to. So if I am what turns you on so much then why don’t you claim it? Why can’t you just let down your guard Anna and tell me that you love me?”

I moved away from him, wrapped the blanket around my naked body, and was speechless at his words.
I moved over to my side of the bed and let my legs down and my feet on the floor. I didn’t know what to say to him and my mind was racing at what was happening. We just had such a good time together and now he threw all these things at me.
I stated softly, “So all of the stuff you did just moments ago were your way of claiming me?”
His voice trembled, “The stuff I did was because I love you and I want to give you anything I can to make you happy and to make you really want to be with me and no one else.”
I didn’t look at him and he added, “The only thing I have that I can give you is my paralyzed body, my legs that don’t work anymore and there is nothing else I have that you could want, nothing material. It’s a good thing for me, a good thing that came out of the most fucked up situation in my life…a thing that I don’t want to lose. I can’t imagine not having you in my life anymore and I’m scared to death you may change your mind and realize that my being paraplegic is really not enough for you. You not being able to tell me that you love me scares me Anna.”
I said lowly, “I don’t care about material things, Shane…I care about you and who you are. I know you have been through a lot, life hasn’t really been fair to you and I want to help change that. But you can’t only rely on me, Shane. You need to take your life into your own hands too.”
“Anna, please turn around and look at me.”

I slowly turned around on my side of the bed and I looked into his pleading dark eyes, filled with pain and despair. I thought about what kept me from letting my feelings go for him. I had never in my dreams imagined finding someone like Shane, he was exceptional and he made me feel like he needed me more than anything else, more than anyone but I felt this heaviness in my heart looking at him and even though I wanted to be with him and nothing else there was something about him that kept me from letting my guard down. I didn’t want him to depend on me so much. It almost felt like a heavy burden.

He asked lowly, “Do you think you can ever love me?”
His eyes were shiny and he added, “Anna, I’ll never do anything to hurt you. I’ll get back on my feet for you…it may be in braces and on crutches but I’ll get my life back together and we can have the life we deserve, but at least you and I being together. I love you so much and yes, I need you in my life. I’ll wait for you however long it takes.”
His voice trembled and I crawled back over to him and close to him I let my hand travel over his face and looked into his very dark eyes.

I sighed heavily, “I do love you Shane…I’m just so scared to lose you again, I don’t know why. There’s something, I can’t explain it.”
I felt my eyes fill with tears and Shane just stared at me, and said lowly, “You will never lose me again, Anna.”
A tear ran down my cheek, “You know this whole thing won’t be easy for us.”
He nodded, “I know but if it means you’re in my life I can do it. If I know you love me I’m going to be okay.”

I saw his Adam’s apple as he swallowed, I could sense his emotions on the subject and he held his arms out to me and I let myself fall into his embrace and we kissed long and hard again. He held me for a while, we just laid there on my bed, feeling each other close and I couldn’t imagine not having Shane in my life anymore. I knew he felt the same way. I felt slightly cool and pulled the blanket over my body some more. Shane pulled me closer and I could hear his heart beat next to my face. I felt the warmth of his body on me and I looked down at his still and paralyzed legs, just lying there on the bed in their everlasting sleep and I felt so much love for him.


  1. Incredibly well written and mighty enjoyable reading. Thank you.

  2. Thanks Dani, for always posting on time and for your great story. I really enjoyed reading this long chapter. Quite some problems, but I hope the two of them will work them out.. Looking forward to next week and thanks again!

  3. I love the Drama.... keep going!

  4. Heartbreaking and intense!
    Can't wait to see what is in store.
    Thank you

  5. Whoa, that was a lot for him to tell. I'd be running to Anna too if I was him.