I'm the bearer of bad news. No stories from me this week. I'm sorry.
This past week has been a very rough one for me. Right before I posted the last episode of Love UnSeen, I got a call that devastated me. I recently traveled across the country to see an expert in my headache condition, hoping I'd finally find someone who would understand how disabling this disease is and would be willing to work with me. Initially, it seemed like this doctor was willing to work with me to find a possible cause for the headache and the best treatment to actually attempt to cure it and not just treat symptoms.
However, that call basically informed me that he could not/would not see me and I needed to rely on my current neurologist, who has been horrible to me, who doesn't believe my pain is real or that I've been totally disabled by it, and who refused to help me when my pain was so bad I wasn't able to sleep for weeks. I have no choice but to keep seeing him, but I'd hoped that this expert would at least give me some other treatment options, since my current doctor refuses to think outside the box. But that hope was shattered, crushed, and twisted. It was made even worse because my pain management doctor had tried me on a very short-term treatment that actually made me feel a trillion times better for the two or three days that it lasted, and I'd hoped that would open the door to new treatments to try that might possibly reduce my pain without all my other meds or maybe even take the headache away entirely for a few weeks at a time. It was like this brilliant burst of yellow was suddenly and immediately tarnished by darkness.
So many times since this condition started I'd allowed hoped to bloom only for it to be relentlessly destroyed, and at this point, with very few (if any) options left to me, it's been rough. Especially since there are some options that have opened up but no one will try them. Not this expert, not my pain doctor, and certainly not my current neuro. And it was all made worse because I had to keep it together and put on a happy face for our holiday company, so that when they left it all came crashing down on me.
I tried to write, and I managed to work on In/Exhale a little, but honestly, it was hard for me to care about much of anything the past few days.
Don't worry: I haven't given up on either story, and my hope is to resume next week. It is possible I may need to go to posting every other week instead of weekly for a little while, perhaps until next year.
I'm really sorry for letting you all down (again). Thank you for understanding,