Monday, April 8, 2019
What It Was - Chapter 23
As we sat there for a few moments my eyes glanced at the back pack on the floor. It had left a few drops of water around it. I realized that Jordan must have gotten soaked outside.
I touched his wet hoodie, “You should probably get out of the wet clothes before you get sick.”
Jordan shrugged his shoulders, “Yeah maybe.”
I suggested, “Let’s go to the bathroom.”
I scrambled off his lap and put my knee on the scooter again. Jordan grabbed his backpack off the floor and set it on his lap.
In the bathroom he dropped the back pack on the floor next to his wheelchair. It again caused moisture and traces of dirt on the floor.
I glanced at it, “Your stuff in there is probably soaked too.”
Jordan shrugged his shoulders again
I asked, “Do you want to clean it out, wash it and everything?”
He leaned forward some and awkwardly unzipped the back pack pulling it open, “It does have all my stuff in it.”
I pulled over the stool and sat down. I watched as Jordan pulled various items from his back pack and dropped them next to it. There were socks, underwear, his other hoodie, another pair of jeans and a few T-Shirts, even a towel landed next to the clothes.
“These are all my clothes.”
I looked from the pile on the floor to him, “And what you’re wearing.”
Jordan nodded, “Yeah, and that.”
I looked up at him, “I can find some of my stuff to wear for you while your clothes are in the laundry.”
Jordan looked up surprised and I added with a smile, “I’m sure I can find some baggy joggers or sweat pants. They’ll probably be too big for you either way.”
Jordan lowered his eyes, then looked back up, “Maybe.”
I laughed softly, “Or you can just be naked while we wash your clothes. No one will see you while you’re here.”
Jordan smiled, “You would.”
I smiled, “It’s all right Jordan. While I wash and dry your clothes you should probably take a bath and get warm anyways.”
My bathroom had a good size bath tub and a separate shower. The apartment building was only two years old and the bathrooms were spacious and modern. Jordan eyed the bath tub but didn’t say anything.
I left the bathroom, “I’ll be right back. I’ll find some clothes for you.”
In my closet I looked through my clothes to find something Jordan could possibly wear. He was skinny enough; I was sure Jordan would easily fit into my clothes even though I thought he was slightly taller than I. I dug through the clothes on the shelf and found an older simple pair of grey sweat pants that I had not worn in a long time really. I also grabbed some warm, thick hiking socks and brought the items with me to the bathroom.
He looked up as I walked in and announced, “I found some sweats and some warm socks you can wear.”
He quickly scanned over the garments in my hand and nodded, “Okay.”
He sat there in his Quickie, shivering, and I added, “You should take off your wet clothes so I can throw them into the washer.”
I dropped the socks and sweat pants on the counter.
I asked nervously, “You’re shaking a lot. Is it because you’re cold or are you…”
I didn’t know which word to use to describe the other reason he could be shaking.
Jordan lowered his eyes, “I’m just cold I guess.”
“Why don’t I let a bath in for you?”
Jordan glanced at the tub, “I don’t know. I haven’t been in a tub in years. When I have the opportunity, I usually just take a shower at the shelter. The one place actually has an accessible shower with shower bench and grab bars.”
I nodded, realizing that my bathroom was not accessibly built for a person with a disability as Jordan’s.
I glanced from the bath tub to the shower stall, “I guess I should get a chair for my shower.”
Jordan didn’t say anything and I asked, “So, you haven’t been in a bath tub since you…”
I stopped because I wondered if it was before he got shot.
Jordan shook his head, “Not in a long time. Maybe when I was a kid?”
“Do you think you could do it?”
He shrugged his shoulders, “I’m not sure.”
I sat on the edge of the tub and realized it was somewhat high off the ground. It was actually one of the things I liked when I got the apartment, the fairly large bath tub and I enjoyed hot bubble baths quite often. I had candles around the tub, I sometimes even had a glass of wine while in it. In this apartment I had not been in the tub with anyone yet. So far, I had always been enjoying my baths alone.
Jordan positioned his Quickie facing me, and I asked softly, “What if I get in with you?”
He looked from me to the tub, “Is it big enough?”
I smiled, “I think it is. I think I would like to be in there with you.”
Jordan now smiled, “You would?”
I nodded, “Yes, since we can’t be in the shower together.”
Jordan glanced over to the shower, “Well, I could possibly sit on the floor in there.”
I shook my head, “Yeah, no, I don’t want that…”
He clarified, “I’ve had to do that before. I can do it again if I have to.”
I tilted my head, “That doesn’t sound fun though.”
Jordan shrugged his shoulders, “It wasn’t but if that’s the only opportunity I get to wash off, then that’s what I have to do. Not all shelters are equipped with shower chairs and such things.”
I stretched my hand out to Jordan and he pushed his rims and slowly rolled closer taking my outstretched hand in his.
I smiled at him, “I think it would be fun with me and you in the tub.”
Jordan still seemed unsure about this and looked at me and the bath tub skeptically.
He smiled, “So you’re in it for the fun then?”
I laughed, “A little bit maybe. I did get dirty today though when I climbed up to the camp.”
Jordan sighed and nodded, “Yeah about that - Charlie told me you had climbed up the dirt hill from Mercer. That’s a steep embankment.”
I nodded embarrassed and Jordan reprimanded me, “That was dangerous Shay, especially with your foot and all.”
I lowered my eyes, “I know, it was stupid, but I didn’t know how else to get up there. And I wondered how you get up there. I figured there must be another way but I didn’t know. I just wanted to get up there to find you.”
Jordan still held my hand in his, lowered his eyes at my words and then looked back up at me, “Well, I know Charlie told you a better way to get there, but there won’t ever be another reason for you to go there.”
I bit my lips and looked at Jordan, “I hope not. I was really scared. Smitty definitely scared me.”
Jordan nodded, “Yeah, she’s crazy as fuck.”
The moment he had said the word he apologized, “I’m sorry but yeah, she’s not right in the head. At least no one else was there.”
I shrugged my shoulders and Jordan added in a scolding tone, “Shay, a lot of the people out there are really messed up and also dangerous in a way. I don’t ever want you to go look for me at the camp or anywhere out on the streets really. It’s too dangerous and if something happens to you, because you’re pulling some crazy stunt looking for me, I won’t be able to live with myself.”
I replied slightly tense, “Well, we need to use our phones then if you’re out there.”
Jordan nodded and squeezed my hand in his, “And we will, I will and you will. I don’t want you to put yourself in danger like that again.”
Jordan pushed his rims and rolled closer to me and we looked at each other for a moment.
I clearly saw that he was still shivering, “You’re cold Jordan and I think a bath would be good. I don’t want you to get sick. I’ll get in with you.”
I smiled at him and added, “It’ll be good. And after the bath I’ll throw your clothes in the laundry.”
Jordan didn’t protest anymore and I pushed the drain stopper in and turned the knob on the faucet. He slowly wheeled closer to the tub and watched the water run in for a moment.
“Do you think there is enough room?”
I assured him, “Yes, and I won’t make it too hot.”
He leaned forward some and stretched his hand out under the running water and nodded, “All right.”
Now I moved away from the tub and right there I started to undress. I was nervous but also excited to get in the tub with Jordan. I knew he was still hesitant.
He looked at me for a moment, then lowered his eyes and put his hands to the push rims nervously. I saw him take a deep breath and he eyed the tub again. I had slipped out of my yoga pants already and stood there in socks, underwear and a sweater.
“Do you want to undress in your wheelchair or on the bed?”
He replied nervously, “I can do it in here but do you think you can give me a moment. I still need to do something.”
I looked at him questioning and he explained quickly, “Just to pee. Nothing else.”
I was relieved, “Of course. I’ll be outside.”
Jordan watched as I walked toward the door and closed it behind me.
I hoped that eventually he would show me how he peed with a catheter but I didn’t want to be too pushy with this.
I gave him some time and while he was in there, I went to use the toilet in my guest bathroom. When I came back into the bedroom, I didn’t hear the water run anymore. Jordan had apparently turned the water off. I undressed the rest of the way in the bedroom and only slipped into my robe.
I knocked softly on the bathroom door, “Jordan, are you okay for me to come in?”
I turned the knob and pushed the door open. Jordan sat in his Quickie and he had only taken off his hoodie and T-shirt. He still wore his jeans and sneakers. He glanced at me for a moment and seemed to be relieved that I wasn’t completely naked right there. I rolled over to the tub and looked in, it was about half filled with warm water, a layer of white pleasant-smelling foam on the surface, steam rising, and filling the bathroom, fogging up the mirror.
Jordan explained with a trembling voice, “I thought I’d turn it off since we both will get in. That way it doesn’t go over.”
He stopped, seemingly nervous at explaining why he turned the water off.
I smiled and sat on the tub edge, “Of course. You ready to get in?”
Jordan lowered his eyes and then looked back up at me with a shy smile, “Do I look like I’m ready?”
I saw his hands were shaking and he was obviously nervous. My eyes travelled to his arms where I saw all the bruises and injection spots. I realized once again how skinny Jordan was as his ribs were showing under his skin, the faded tattoos covering parts of his bony shoulders, upper arms and chest. He sat hunched over and his back was curved with his spine showing prominently, his slightly distended belly bulging over the waistband of his baggy jeans.
I smiled, “You actually don’t look like you’re ready at all. You’re still wearing your jeans and shoes.”
He laughed softly, “I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.”
I loved hearing Jordan laugh and seeing the smile on his face. I leaned forward and put my hands on his knee. He glanced at my hand, then looked up at me.
I wanted to make him feel at ease, “It’s all right Jordan. I’ve seen your body, remember.”
He pressed his lips together and I nodded, “And I like your body the way it is.”
He nodded again and laughed a soft nervous laugh.
I now untied the fluffy string on my robe and slid the garment off my shoulders. I tossed it over the chair and sat there naked.
When I looked at Jordan, he looked away and his Adam’s apple bopped up and down as he swallowed.
I said softly, “I’ll go in first.”
Jordan watched me as I carefully let myself down in the tub. He didn’t make an attempt to get in.
The water was perfect and felt comfortably warm. I had my hair up in a lose bun but needed to make sure not to get my head injury wet.
I sat in the tub, covered up to my breasts in foam and looked over at Jordan. “Are you coming in?”
He was still shaking and I added, “It’s wonderfully warm.”
Jordan then reluctantly pulled his right foot up onto his knee and untied the laces on his old Nike sneaker, pulled the shoe off, and let it drop to the ground next to his wheelchair. He then pushed up his jeans some and I saw the AFO brace on his foot and on the back of his calf to right below his knee. He undid the Velcro straps that held it in place on his lower leg and as soon as it came off his foot just hung there. He pulled his thick but obviously wet sock off and I saw his foot was of a purple shade. I imagined it probably was ice cold. He quickly glanced at me and then focused on repeating the same task with his left foot.
I watched him closely and witnessing how he handled his lifeless legs and limp feet excited me. I couldn’t wait to have Jordan join me in the tub; I wanted him to be warm and I wanted to feel him close to me.
Jordan unbuttoned and unzipped the fly of his jeans and with some shoving and shifting his position in the wheelchair, he pulled his jeans over his butt and slid them down his legs, then pulled them off with some gasping breaths and just left them on the floor right there. He now was only in his boxers. Jordan’s legs were skinny, every bone was visible and the skin was covered with dark purple bruises and small scars of injection spots, around his ankle and on top of his feet. The same was true for his arms, the spots were mostly on top of his hands and in the crease of his elbow, some on his forearm. He kept his eyes down and didn’t look at me anymore.
He cleared his throat as he started tugging on his boxers and eventually pulled them over his legs as well. His dark pubic hair was visible somewhat hiding his limp penis. There was a dark trail of hair going up to his belly button, a layer of soft dark hair around his nipples and his dark wet hair hanging into his face.
I inquired carefully, “Do you think you can make it?”
He nodded, “I think so.”
I sat up and watched how he adjusted and angled the position of his Quickie next to the tub. He set the break and positioned his hands on the chair and on the tub edge to move from the wheelchair seat over. He managed and held himself on the tub edge. His arms were shaking some as he held himself there. With the transfer his feet had slid off the foot rest. He sat with his back still turned toward the water and I once again saw all the obvious scars on his spine and on his back where he had been shot.
I was slightly worried about him getting into the tub now and asked, “Do you need me to help you?”
He shook his head and with his eyes down he explained, “No, I got it. I’ll just move my legs over the tub.”
He locked his hands under his knee and pulled his leg up. My tub was not very low and the edge of it was actually somewhat high off the ground. Jordan sat extremely hunched over, trying to hold his balance on the tub edge which seemed very difficult for him. He was taking quick breaths and I started questioning my idea of getting into the tub. I was worried about him falling over as he swayed dangerously while he pulled his leg up.
Without saying anything I stood up slowly, water dripping and I reached my hands around his hollow belly. For a moment he was startled at my arms reaching around him unexpected. but he didn’t protest as I assisted to hold him steady on the tub edge while he lifted his legs over it. Both his feet plopped into the water making small waves. His whole body was then turned the right way facing the water. I still had my arms around him when with my help he as slowly as possible lowered himself into the warm water. Right away with Jordan entering the tub, the water level rose higher and he made some more waves.
I was relieved when Jordan was in the tub. I sat down carefully, not to splash too much. The tub was filled out with both our bodies. I sat in front of Jordan now and turned myself slightly so I could face him. He was holding on to the side with his hand and the fingers of his other hand were wrapped around the flimsy grab bar on the wall. This grab bar was not installed for an actual disabled person who would need something sturdy to hold on to. It was merely just a grab bar for someone like me who didn’t have any problems getting in and out of the bath tub really. Jordan was quiet and he seemed nervous. I felt his cold legs on my legs now.
“Jordan, are you okay?”
He nodded and I asked softly, “You can look at me. You’re in, I got you. How does it feel?”
I saw his hand gripping the tub edge tightly.
His chest was rising and falling quickly and I moved up to him, “Jordan?”
He looked up and I softly let my hand run over his arm, “You’re in, you’re good.”
He smiled insecurely, “Yeah.”
I ran my hand down his arm to his fingers gripping the bar on the wall, “If you want, you can let go and put your hands in the water so they can get warm. You won’t slide, because I’m in front of you.”
Jordan reluctantly let go off the grab bar and the side of the tub and submerged his hands in the water.
I smiled, “There you go. Try to relax. How does the water feel for you?”
“Good. I…I can’t feel it on my legs or anything but it feels good everywhere else.”
I touched his legs under water knowing he couldn’t feel it. I pushed myself up and stretched my neck to kiss him on his cheek.
He lowered his eyes and I said softly, “I love you Jordan.”
He nodded, “I love you too.”
“I’m glad you got into the tub with me. It feels good and it’ll warm you up.”
I now pushed myself against Jordan and basically pinned him in the tub with my body against his.
I found his hands under water and pulled them around my belly saying softly, “Hold me to you.”
I lay my head back on his shoulder and he kissed my hair. I felt Jordan’s soft penis on my tail bone and his pubic hair tickled my skin.
Jordan remarked, “The water feels good. I guess I was somewhat cold.”
I felt the skin on his legs and it was still cold even in the warm water, “Your legs are very cold.”
With my feet I now touched his feet and they were also cold.
I remarked, “And your feet too.”
Jordan nodded behind me, “Yeah, below where I got injured, my body temperature is whacked out. It’s difficult to know really when I’m cold or warm or whatever. I’ve almost lost both my feet one winter because I didn’t even realize I had frost bite.”
I rubbed my hands over his thighs and felt the hair on his legs and the coolness of his skin under water. I wanted him to get warm.
“Maybe if I rub your legs, they will get warm.”
I grabbed the sponge from the hook and under water I softly ran it up and down Jordan’s thighs and to his knees. I did this for a few minutes and was startled when Jordan gently kissed my shoulders and the back of my neck.
He ran his fingers over my upper back and down my neck and hushed in my ear, “Give me the sponge.”
I pulled it out from under water and handed it to him. He softly ran the sponge over my back and it felt good. My muscles had been tight from the awkward movements with my injured foot either on the scooter or on crutches. I relaxed into Jordan’s massaging and closed my eyes. He was quiet and only the water around us splashed slightly as he moved the sponge in and out of the water as he ran it over my back. His hands were still cool but his touches were gentle and soft.
He leaned forward and kissed me on my shoulder again and whispered in my ear, “I love you so much Shay. I’m so thankful you let me be here with you.”
I kept my eyes closed as I took in his kisses and replied softly, “I’m glad you’re at home with me. I love you too.”
He kissed my shoulder again and I felt his hot breath as he hushed onto my skin, “I want to make you happy Shay.”
With my eyes still closed I replied, “You do make me happy.”
For moment I thought about my words and added softly, “But you also make me sad.”
Jordan didn’t say anything.
I slowly ran my hands along his thighs under water on the left and right of my body. I felt the injection spots and scars on his skin. Both his femurs were covered with little flesh and only skin. I reached his bony knees and I ran my hands back up. Jordan had barely any flesh and really no fat on his body. I felt my heart beat fast at touching his legs and being so close to Jordan and feeling him on me like this. He dropped the sponge in the water and now used his hands to run his fingers over my back. His hands then moved down to my waist and rested loosely on my hips. I grabbed his left hand and moved it over my belly guiding it up to my breast.
Jordan didn’t say anything but let me move his hand all the way up and he gently cupped my breast, kissing my neck at the same time, hushing into my ear, “You’re so soft Shay.”
The water slightly splashed around us and I pushed my backside with some more pressure against his soft penis. I knew Jordan didn’t feel this but I did and it excited me to feel his manhood on me in this way. I imagined it getting hard but it was still and lifeless between us.
I felt Jordan’s hot breath next to my ear as he ran his hands over my breasts and my belly. I lay my head back on his shoulder and glanced over to him. He turned his face and our eyes met as he gently kissed my hair and my forehead whilst running his cool hands over my body under water.
A shiver ran through me as his hand now reached my pubes. His fingertips stroked over my lower belly as I pressed myself up to him more. His penis was squeezed in between us and I felt the soft lump on my tail bone. There was no sign of an erection, Jordan didn’t feel any of the pressure I put on him. My hands ran up and down his thighs and up to his protruding hip bones.
I shifted slightly and turned my face and was able to kiss Jordan on his neck. He took quicker breaths. My lips locked in on his skin as I suckled and kissed his neck right by his ear. He took quick breaths and it felt like he was trying to move away from my kisses but at the same time he moaned softly as I kissed him. Jordan’s hand was still stroking around my pubes and I longed to feel his hand even further down. The water made small waves around us and the foam buzzed softly as tiny bubbles busted slowly with time passing.
I kissed Jordan and pressed myself against his upper body and I felt his belly and chest move on me as he was breathing quicker.
When I looked at him, his eyes were closed. As I longingly kissed his neck, I was sure there would be another mark on his body, the mark of my excitement. I tasted his wet skin and I smelled his body, a mixture of the outside elements of cold and rain and the street life and despite the condition and dire state of his body also his masculinity. It was the body of a battered man who was fighting to survive every day and thinking about this made me kiss him harder and wanting him even closer.
I barely noticed as Jordan grabbed the soap quickly and washed his hands, then put the soap back.
Jordan now moved his hand further down my belly and his fingers traced around the top of my pussy right around my clit and it sent soft shivers through me. I bucked my pelvis against his hand, wanting to feel more of it. My knees were peeking out of the water like two small mountain tops as I slightly spread my legs so he could reach my girl parts easier.
Jordan was pinned in the tub with my body pressing against him and as his fingers flicked around my clit, I grabbed his thighs harder and dug my fingers into his skinny lifeless legs. I wished he could have felt it but he didn’t. He did feel my kisses though on his neck and I now flicked his ear lobe with my tongue. His long dark hair tickled my lips and I felt how he stretched his neck some so I could reach him better. My own neck was a bit tight from the odd position but I enjoyed very much being like this with him. Jordan had open access to my pussy with his hands and I held him pinned in the tub with my body pressed against his. His penis stayed soft and squeezed in between us.
Jordan’s chest rose and fell as I pushed my pussy to his hand. He was tracing along my labia and inside my thighs. His arms were long enough to wrap around me and reach my girl parts just enough with his hands. His hands were warm now and he gently pressed and loosened his hand onto my clit at the same time reaching my opening with the tip of his fingers, sending a shock wave through me, making me jerk slightly. My breaths came in gasps and I stopped kissing Jordan’s neck taking some deep breaths, moaning of pleasure.
Jordan kissed my neck in an assertive manner and it propelled my excitement to the next level of arousal. He suckled and latched on to my neck while his hands were busy exploring my pussy and all its flaps and crevices.
He hushed into my ear, “Do you like this?”
I managed a soft, “Yes, very much.”
I dug my fingers into Jordan’s bony thighs as he sent small shocks through me when he softly flicked my clit over and over again, applying just enough pressure with the water moving just right and causing wet vibrations all around us. I swallowed the lump in my throat and pushed against his hand some more, moaning softly and taking quick breaths. I was curious and I reached around to his sleeping penis between us and it was just that, a soft, warm piece of flesh, no hardness or rigidness, not able to give Jordan a certain kind of pleasure anymore but having been limited to merely the body part that transported his urine.
Jordan had realized my hand moving and muttered, “It’s not going to do anything. Don’t bother with it. You don’t have to touch it. It’s no good anymore.”
He gently grabbed my wrist and moved my hand around to his leg again.
He whispered into my ear, “Let me just make you feel good, Shay. Don’t worry about me, okay?”
I had my eyes closed and nodded; I wasn’t able to speak anymore. Thinking about Jordan and everything about him, feeling his legs under my hands, and knowing he didn’t feel my hands drove me closer to my climax.
Jordan moved his hands down again and now pulled my pussy lips apart and carefully pushed two fingers into my opening. I was sure it was just as wet inside as it was around us and as he gently slid his fingers in and out, it quickly heightened my excitement.
He worked my pussy just right, flicking my clit, rubbing around it or over it, barely and gently pulling it out of its hiding spot with his long fingers and simultaneously with his other hand filling me out with three fingers, wriggling them inside of me just right and sending tingling signals into my body through the sensitive and soft walls inside of my pussy, giving my body sensations to be ready for the explosion of lust very soon.
I was close to climax as I pressed myself against Jordan, feeling his lips on my neck and his teeth slightly nibbling my ear lobe while he pushed and pulled his fingers in and out of my pussy, and applying the right pressure onto my clit in a similar rhythm. The water around us was still warm and splashing softly as I stretched my body or pushed against Jordan.
He now whispered again next to my ear, “Do you like this?”
I nodded with my eyes closed and took in all the sensations.
Jordan asked, “Are you going to come for me?”
I was pleasantly surprised by his direct question, and when I didn’t answer and his hands were about to finish me off, he asked again, “Tell me Shay, are you going to come for me?”
I nodded and hushed a trembling, “Yes”, over my lips, my lust and longing gobbling it up into the depths of my throat.
Jordan bit my neck, “Good, that makes me happy.”
Jordan kept on with caressing my pussy and paying it complete attention as right at that moment my climax came on and shot from my genitalia into all far corners of my body, making me tremble and moan while my fingers dug into Jordan’s legs under water, holding on and letting the sensations take over my rational thinking. I took quick breaths and squeezed my eyes shut feeling his legs under my hands and thinking about his paraplegia. I arched my back slightly causing the water around us to move.
His body was warm now and with his face next to me as he kissed my cheek and my neck he remarked, “That’s right, come for me my beautiful Shay. It makes me so happy.”
My breaths came quick and I moaned softly, my legs were trembling and moving the water around us. My chest rose and fell quickly as I indulged completely in the moment and let the sensations saturate me from my head to my toes, my pussy pumping and twitching around Jordan’s fingers.
He silently kept stroking and pushing and I held on to his legs as my own legs stopped trembling and my orgasm slowly subsided. Jordan’s fingers relaxed into a slower motion inside my pussy and his touches became softer and less demanding. His penis remained soft and still and was not even phased by what had just happened.
I felt selfish for a moment but Jordan eased my mind, “I like seeing and feeling you come.”
I managed to open my eyes and turned my head and met Jordan’s dark eyes on me. He smiled and under water he gently let his fingers come out of my pussy all the way and bringing his hands up to my belly where he rested his hands and only gently let his fingers run over my skin under water.
We looked at each other until Jordan said, “I hope this was as good for you as it sounded.”
I smiled dreamily, still enjoying the aftermath of my orgasm, stuttering, “It was…you…you…it felt amazing.”
Jordan smiled, “I think you left marks on my thighs.”
I laughed, “You felt that?”
He shook his head, “Didn’t feel it in that way but I knew your hands were there, grabbing me - really hard.”
I moved carefully not to splash the water too much and lay sideways in between Jordan’s legs, my head resting on his chest.
I looked up at him, “I love you so much Jordan.”
His eyes were dark and shiny, “And I love you - I’m glad it felt good for you. I wanted to make you happy.”
I sat up some to get a better look at him and whisked wet strands of hair from his face, “You did make me very happy.”
We smiled at each other and I loved seeing his smile. I moved up to his face and softly kissed his lips and I felt his hands wrap around me; they were definitely warm now.
The water was cooling off a bit and I felt slightly cool, “Can I let some more hot water in?”
Jordan nodded, “Yeah, sure. If it’s good for you I guess it is for me as well.”
I turned the faucet on with the hot water and distributed the water with my hand, it got warmer right away. I looked at Jordan who was leaning back and had his head resting on the tub edge behind him.
I asked him, “So, you don’t feel the water on your legs at all?”
He moved his head from side to side, “No, I can’t even feel that I’m sitting in a bath tub filled with water.”
He put his hand to right above his belly, “Right here and up I feel it.”
I still distributed the water in the tub and when I felt warm enough, I turned off the faucet.
I turned myself around carefully and lay my head on Jordan’s chest.
He ran his hands over my shoulders and asked softly, “Do you think I’m warm enough now?”
I heard his heart beat on my ear and with my hand I reached down to his thigh again, “Yes, you’re a lot warmer than when you first got in.”
I laughed softly, “Really you were on fire a moment ago.”
Jordan laughed and nodded, “And you erupted like a volcano.”
We both laughed. I loved so much seeing him laugh. I watched him as he turned serious again.
He whisked a strand of hair from my eyes and his dark eyes travelled over my face when he said softly, “Shay, I’ve never been this happy in my life before.”
I didn’t know what to say and I just looked at him. As happy as I was with Jordan, I also felt sadness when thinking about his situation. I tried very hard to live in the moment with him and not think about anything else but it was difficult. Our eyes were locked and Jordan’s hand softly stroked over my shoulder. We were quiet and just sat there.
Eventually Jordan remarked in a matter of fact, “I guess that’s one good thing about being paralyzed.”
He stopped and I looked at him questioning.
He finished, “I can’t really feel when I’m cold.”
I stated, “But you also can’t feel when you freeze to death.”
He laughed softly, “That is true but I guess I haven’t yet.”
I looked up at him and smiled, “I guess you haven’t.”
I let my hand run over his arm and scanned over his skin finding all the spots and marks. My fingers softly traced over his skin, I didn’t care anymore about touching the injection scars and bruises on Jordan’s skin but I felt my heart ache at the realization once again.
He gently ran his fingers over my shoulders and my back. The bathroom was cast in a fog of steam and condensation had completely covered all the surfaces and the mirror over the sink. I should have turned on the vent before we got into the bathtub.
I asked nervously, “How many hits did you bring?”
Jordan didn’t answer right away and I looked up at him.
His eyes were dark and shiny and he answered lowly, “Three or four.”
“How long will you be able to stay with me?”
He ran his fingers over the side of my face, “I don’t know.”
I thought about the weekend when Jordan had brought two hits and how he had shot up twice within a period of about ten hours, then had to leave.
I decided to not ask him for more on this and instead I mumbled, “I guess we should wash off a bit and get out before we get cold again.”
Jordan shifted, “Yeah.”
We washed and Jordan also washed his hair with my help. I got out of the tub before Jordan. I had dried off and watched as he eyed the edge of the tub and obviously was thinking about the best way to get out of the tub. I gathered a large and a small towel from the cabinet.
Jordan was sitting in the tub now and I draped the small towel over the tub edge, “Do you think that will help?”
He then opened the drain plug and the water started running out with gurgling sounds.
He mumbled, “It’s probably better without all the water in here.”
I sat on the edge of the tub, “I can help you up.”
Jordan spun himself around in the tub and when I saw what he was trying to do, I also realized that it wouldn’t work and I suggested, “I can help pull you up.”
Jordan realized the tub edge was too high and it would be difficult to pull himself up with his hands and arms.
Reluctantly he replied, “Okay, just a bit I guess.”
He was sitting with his back turned to me and I stayed on the tub edge and twisted my body to where I was able to put my arms under his arms and lock my hands in front of his chest.
Jordan was obviously somewhat nervous and he said, “I don’t want you to lift if I am too heavy.”
I assured him, “I can do it.”
With that I pulled Jordan up slightly and he was able to then push himself onto the tub edge with his hands and his butt. He now sat hunched over on the tub edge; his feet and legs were still in the tub. He held himself there finding his balance with his head hanging and his hair dripping and covering his face. I quickly grabbed the large towel and draped it over his back.
I stayed next to him on the edge of the tub and touched his back, “You got it, are you all right?”
He nodded without saying anything and I gently started rubbed the towel over his back in an attempt to dry him off some.
Jordan held on to the tub edge still and eventually he mumbled, “I’ll turn myself around now.”
I slid over some to give him space and very shaky, Jordan somehow grabbed his left leg and awkwardly pulled it up and roughly pushed it over the edge. His skinny leg didn’t help him at all and his swaying scared me. Once again, I hoped he wouldn’t fall off the tub edge. I made a mental note again to definitely get a shower chair or something so in the future Jordan could take showers at my place.
His limp foot plopped roughly onto the tile floor of the bathroom, causing a small puddle of water around his foot and more water was running down his leg.
He now had one leg outside the tub and one still inside. The towel slid off his back and I had his spine right in my view and I couldn’t help glance at the scars on his back once again. I quickly pulled the towel up again and draped it over his shoulders.
It was obviously difficult for Jordan to sit there wet like this as he grabbed his other leg and pulled it out of the tub. He wasn’t gentle but mostly rough with his legs. I was afraid that the way he handled his legs could actually cause a fracture of a bone or an injury to his legs. I sensed a belligerence in the way Jordan handled his two lifeless limbs but he wouldn’t feel any pain even if he did hurt himself. I didn’t say anything but his aversion to his legs was very obvious.
I got up and asked hesitantly, “Do you need any more help?”
He shook his head while he was drying off his body somewhat. His wheelchair was right next to the tub.
I grabbed the grey sweat pants and the socks I had picked out for Jordan and put them on his wheelchair, “Here are the clothes.”
He nodded and mumbled, “Thanks.”
I left Jordan there on the tub edge and by the sink I opened my hair and brushed through it. I then put my hair back up in an orderly bun on my head and gathered Jordan’s clothes scattered on the floor. I glanced at him quickly and saw he was just sitting there with his hands by his side, his head down with his hair hanging into his face.
“Jordan, are you all right?”
He looked up and took a deep breath, “Yeah, I’m good.”
“Do you need any help?”
He shook his head, “I’m good, don’t worry about me. I’ll be right out.”
“Okay, I still have some of the take out my friend Matt had brought. If you’re hungry I can heat it up.”
Jordan nodded, “That sounds good.”
I nodded, relieved that he was open to eat something. I didn’t know if he needed to do a hit already or what was going on with him.
I was able to grab all his clothes and took them out to my washer. I hoped Jordan would be okay but I decided to not go back in. After I had started the load with Jordan’s wet clothes I went over to the kitchen and looked through the food I had left over from the Chinese takeout Matt had brought. There was enough for at least two plates. I prepared a plate for Jordan and it was ready to be heated up once he came out.
I was relieved when Jordan wasn’t too long and came wheeling into the living room. I gathered that he had not done a hit because it had been somewhat quick for him to come out. Trying to make out any signs of possibly having done a hit I met his eyes as he came wheeling into the living room.
I smiled at him. He wore my sweat pants and the thick socks on his feet and it looked like he had brushed through his hair. It was wet but somewhat organized on his head. It wasn’t dripping anymore.
He came closer and I asked, “Everything okay?”
He nodded, “Yeah, everything is all right. I guess the bath was a bit much.”
“What do you mean?”
He pushed his rims and came around toward the kitchen, “I’m exhausted somehow.”
“Are you all right though?”
He nodded again, “I am.”
I sensed he smiled trying to assure that he was okay, and he said, “But it was also very nice.”
Holding one crutch I walked over to him and smiled at him, “It was. You can relax now. I’ll heat up some food for you.”
I looked into the refrigerator, “What do you want to drink? Unfortunately, I don’t have any beer or anything like that, just water, Pepsi, Juice, and wine.”
“Pepsi is fine.”
I grabbed a can of Pepsi from the refrigerator and handed it to him, Jordan pushed it down in between his thighs.
He glanced at the plate by the microwave, “I can take that too.”
I put the plate I had prepared for him into the microwave and heated up the food.
Once it was hot, Jordan took it on his lap to the living room. I poured myself a glass of wine from the bottle I had opened with Matt, and very carefully transported it to the living room walking on just one crutch.
I felt exhausted myself and realized how stressful the day had actually been. Jordan was in his wheelchair and I got comfortable on the couch.
I looked at him, “You want to get on the couch?”
He shook his head and smiled, “I’ll stay in my chair right now. If I sit on the couch, I’ll fall asleep.”
He had the plate on his lap, the Pepsi on the table.
He was scanning over the food and I explained to him, “It’s Sweet and Sour Chicken with Fried Rice.”
Jordan nodded and started eating from the plate on his lap.
I pulled my legs up on the couch and covered myself with my robe and a blanket, holding the glass of wine in my hand and watching Jordan eat. He was concentrating on the food and the way he was eating somewhat quickly I assumed he actually was hungry.
It was now almost ten thirty at night. I also felt tired and exhausted. It had been a strange day but all that mattered now was that Jordan was here. I was relieved he was safe with me and I didn’t want to think about when he would possibly need to shoot up again. At the moment he seemed all right still.
I thought about Matt and it still hurt how things had been earlier. I had no idea how things would be with Matt once I would go back to work.
It was almost midnight when we crawled into bed. Jordan was obviously tired and exhausted. He was dealing with slight tremors and I was getting worried and really wanted to be in bed and maybe try to sleep. I had finished the load of his clothes and they were drying now. The dryer was rumbling softly out in the hallway.
I was in bed watching as he transferred from his Quickie over into the bed. He was still wearing my sweat pants and socks. Prior to coming to bed, he had been in the bathroom but I had given him privacy. He now adjusted his legs in the bed and pulled the blanket over himself.
He finally lay next to me and we looked at each other.
I asked him softly, “Did you shoot up a while ago?”
I traced my fingers over his chest, “So you just did the thing with peeing then and stuff?”
His dark eyes looked tired and he nodded, “Yeah, the thing with the catheter if that is what you’re asking? And I brushed my teeth and all that.” He smiled at me.
I was slightly embarrassed but Jordan ran his hand over my cheek, “Yes, I only peed - using a catheter.”
I swallowed and nodded, “I’m sorry Jordan.”
He said softly, “Nothing to be sorry about.”
I felt a slight tremble run through his body as he lay close to me.
Softly I asked, “Will you show me one day how you do it?”
He nodded, “One day I will.”
He didn’t imply when that day would be but I didn’t want to be pushy and didn’t ask anything else.
Jordan’s eyes were shiny and dark and I could see how tired he was.
I felt completely drained myself and now leaned closer to him, “Let’s sleep.”
Jordan laughed softly and added, “Good idea, I’m just done now. That bath did me in.”
I softly ran my fingers over his cheek, “Thank you for getting in there with me. It was so nice.”
“It was very nice and steamy.”
We smiled at each other and fell into a gentle kiss, eventually falling asleep in each other’s arms.