Sunday, June 16, 2019

Not Gay - Chapter 15

Jay wakes to hushed voices and orange light filtering through the curtains in the living room. He blinks and rubs his face before pushing up on an elbow on the couch, the blanket sliding from his shoulder. Over the back of the couch he spots Darren in his wheelchair, talking to someone in the hall. Jay doesn’t recognize the voice but he identifies the other person as a man. It must be Darren’s second housemate. Just when Jay sits up, the door falls shut and Darren comes wheeling into the room, alone now.

“You’re awake.“ Darren moves toward the dining table and when Jay gets up, the blanket now wrapped around himself, he sees that the table is already set, with plates and cutlery, juice and toast. Someone most have done that while he was still asleep. Jay blushes thinking of it. “Good morning,” he mumbles, rubbing his face.

“If you’re hungry we could...” Darren doesn’t end the sentence. He’s already clothed and groomed, looks fresh and clean despite the shadows under his eyes and the lines still in his face. He doesn’t make an attempt to transfer to one of the chairs grouped around the large table.

Jay slips away into Darren’s bathroom to change, then, after a little consideration and calling to Darren that he may take longer, decides to take a shower. The shower stall is big and strangely shaped, curved around one corner of the room and with metal bars attached to the walls and a bench. Jay showers with his eyes shut, ignoring the foreign appliances around him. When he appears in the living room again his hair is towel-dry and his neck still damp. Darren looks up from the table which seems too high even though he’s tall, but the manual wheelchair is just too low, and the annoyance is washed from his face for a few seconds while he contemplates Jay, his eyes darkening, hungrily.

“Um...” Jay blushes again under that gaze and shuffles his feet.

“Sit,” Darren says gruffly and gestures to the table. His right arm jerks out and he braces himself against the table’s edge with his left hand, scowling again.
There’s fresh coffee in a plastic container with a lid, which Darren pours into cups for both of them by pressing a fist onto the button on the lid. It looks well practiced. Jay observes the table, ham, jam and butter and fresh croissants next to the toast. Darren eats cereals, already a bowl standing in front of him and Jay decides that’s what he’ll have, too.

“Where’s Chelsea?”

“Already left.”

Right, she mentioned something. 

They talk about Darren’s housemates, Chelsea, a biology student, and Julek, an exchange student from Poland.

“He did that,” Darren says and Jay needs a second to understand that Darren just gestured at his beard. With his left hand occupied holding the spoon dripping with milk and flakes, Darren had used his right, slightly fisted hand, shrugging it from his shoulders.

“Oh...” Jay scratches his neck and grins. “Cool.”

“You like it?” Darren’s question sounded like nothing but Jay notices the additional tension in his shoulders.

“Love it,” Jay says into his cereals and when he feels his cheeks heat he adds: “That’s pretty awesome from your housemates. You know. This...” he gestured at his own chin, “and that.” He suspects Chelsea prepared their breakfast, it’s saying ‘romantic breakfast for two’. “Damn, I wish I would have had flat mates like these, man.”

Darren chuckles a little, then falls silent, and only when Jay lifts his head to look at him does he notice Darren has suddenly become serious. Did he expect something from him? Jay gulps, the silence stretching on a second too long.

“You know that I pay them for helping me, don’t you?”

Realization hits much too late and Jay wants to crawl into a pit and die there. Of course Darren does. Jay has stopped wondering who ties Darren’s shoes or trims his beard a while ago, but of course! And there’s so much other shit, surely, things that their friends help out with when they are out with Darren. Thinking of it now, it’s obvious that there’s stuff Darren needs help with at home, too.

Darren chuckles again when Jay doesn’t answer, frozen in shock and mortification. “Chill dude, you aren’t the first one to be surprised. Also I don’t technically pay them, they get lowered rent. They practically live here for free, come to think of it.”

Jay recovers slowly, stuffing his face first with a few more spoons of cereal before gathering the courage to say: “Still cool. Imagine Julek were a goatee fan.”

Darren, to Jay’s surprise, laughs so hard he knocks his knee into the table.

Darren inquires about Jay’s dance practice and Jay asks him about wheelchair maintenance, though Darren can’t say much to that. It doesn’t seem like he cares much about his wheelchair apart from it getting him where he needs to be. Midway into breakfast, Darren tries calling the repair shop a few times from his mobile lying on the table, operating the device with the knuckles of his left hand, slowly. No one answers.

From time to time Darren’s face twitches and he freezes for a few seconds, a frown etching deeper into his face. Jay assumes he’s in pain and when they are finished eating he offers to clean the table and do the dishes, and Darren nods at him. “Just put the dishes into the sink,” he says between clenched teeth, already moving the wheelchair to the couch on which Jay slept and which is still a little rumpled up.

Jay places jam, butter, ham and juice into the large fridge and everything else on the counter because he doesn’t know the right place. The dishes go into the dish washer. When he returns to the living room Darren is still in his wheelchair, scowling at the couch in front of him.

“Wanna lay down?” Jay asks, discreetly avoiding asking directly if Darren needs help. Darren answers with a grunt that sounds like a yes and Jay positions himself at his right side, taking his contracted arm as he scoots forward a little, legs trembling. “Has to be quick,” Darren mumbles. “I can’t stand.” Jay nods, hugs one arm under Darren’s left from behind, sweating already, and for a second Darren’s impossible weight is braced on him as the other leans forward. Then they both turn, feet shuffling and Darren gasps hoarsely but his butt slips over onto the couch, into safety. Hunched over, Darren is breathing quickly, his face a mask of pain, his legs rigid with muscles twitching.

“Sorry,” Jay says when nothing else comes to his mind, still holding Darren’s shoulder as if that could prevent the other from slipping off the couch. Darren shakes his head, eyes closed, and scoots slowly backward, until he lies back against the couch, his left fist white knuckled and pressed against his chest. Hurrying, Jay collects the pillows that he has used to sleep on and some that he has thrown on the floor to make space, and Darren drapes them around himself and behind his back. Only then does he look at Jay, lips twitching with spasms.

“What is it?” Jay feels the need to ask. “Your back?” He recollects thinking that Darren was bothered by the replacement wheelchair, suspecting his back hurt by the way he squirmed and adjusted his weight.

“Come here.” It’s barely understandable, Darren speaks in a low voice and he seems to have difficulties enunciating, but Jay, midway in getting up and about to say his goodbye to give Darren space to recover, freezes. He sputters, words of thanks for the breakfast dying on his lips. Darren doesn’t repeat his request, it’s obvious that speaking is too draining for him and he doesn’t need to. Jay settles down next to him, tentatively, then, upon an almost angry jerk of Darren’s head, turns and moves one leg over the other’s quivering ones, straddling Darren. He keeps his weight light, though he isn’t sure it helps.

They kiss first slowly, then more heated. Darren’s lips are soft and his tongue is sure, despite the little jerks his head does from time to time. When the spasms get too severe, they find themselves catching breath, panting with their faces only inches from each other. Darren’s eyes have again that hungry glint and Jay’s grin stumbles as he notices it, his stomach doing a flip, his insides clenching with pleasure.

“You like that?”

Jay nods, not trusting his voice. He can feel Darren’s cock through the fabric between them, hard and long, and Jay’s hips move on their own, canting a little until their clothed cocks brush together. Both men grunt at that, Darren’s left hand jerks, fisted into Jay’s shirt, and Jay shyly continues humping against Darren, the knot of heat in the pit of his stomach driving him on.

“That’s... it, J... Jay... Beautiful.” Darren is struggling to speak but the fact that he tries turns Jay on even more. He moans under his breath, bracing himself against Darren broad, twitching shoulders, his hips rutting against Darren’s almost still ones. They share a few heated kisses, all tongue and hot breath and Jay can feel the desire to come build inside of him, a pressure that he can barely withstand.

“Let... me... see,” Darren drawls finally, his right arm flailing about, his left quivering and rigid, fist buried in the cushions. “Let me... see you get off. Show me.” He’s slumped back a little, slightly twisted, the muscles in his face twitching with spasms. Jay gasps, his trembling hands flying to open his pants and get out his leaking cock. The moment he touches himself he thinks he may come, Darren’s flaming gaze directed to his cock between them makes him self-conscious only for a second.

“Fuuuck, fuck, Darren... I’m...”

Darren is twitching and groaning below him, his words barely understandable when he says: “Doing... good.”

Jay closes his eyes and comes all over Darren, his fist flying over his cock as he works himself through the orgasm, moaning high-pitched and feeling Darren twitch under him. Jay is inhaling, gasping when he comes down, shuddering with the force of the orgasm and its aftershock, his hand still stroking his softening cock. There is spunk as high as Darren’s chest and Darren is watching him intently, his own breath labored.

“Jesus...” Jay licks his lips, his heart pumping its way out of his chest, and he moves in upon a jerk of Darren’s head, for a kiss. He is almost too exhausted to keep himself up against the taller guy, the muscles in his arms feeling like jelly.

“Did you... Did you come?” Jay asks Darren, still out of breath, who shakes his head, and that’s when Jay notices Darren’s cock still straining against his pants. He opens them, wraps his own hand around Darren’s dark red and pulsing member, and starts with a few slow strokes that have Darren’s body twitch again and him groan deeply in pleasure. Jay contemplates blowing Darren when suddenly Darren gasps and rasps: “Stop. Jay. Stop,” his teeth set and his face washed white with pain. 

Jay stops immediately and pulls away from Darren, hurriedly lifting his entire weight off the others’ rigid body. “Sorry, sorry.” His heart hammers faster than it did even when he came and he is sober at once, staring at Darren who has his eyes shut, groaning, not in pleasure, no, not at all. “I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t... Darren... Shit.”

Darren manages to shake his head and his left hand gropes for something. Jay isn’t sure what Darren needs but he shoves more pillows at him, helps him arrange them. He lifts his stiff legs onto the couch as well, slowly while Darren bites on his lips not to make a sound, his face and shirt drenched in sweat.

“Did I... Did I...?” Jay is anxious, fearing he did something wrong, but Darren grunts and shakes his head again, his left hand lifting off the couch a little as if he wants to grab Jay’s arm and reassure him, but then falling back, fingers twitching. Jay understands that he has no fault in this and he can’t help but feel a little relieved, even though he’s still worried about Darren. Is it his back again? It must be.

“I’ll stay,” Jay says when Darren seems relatively comfortable, half lying half sitting, his breath more even now though his entire body is still trembling, barely noticeable. Darren shakes his head, weakly.

“Let me stay, please. I’ll...” Jay has a business appointment later on, a stupid meeting, but he can cancel that, surely. “I can... I can cook.” What a ridiculous idea, they just ate! Jay wants to hit himself but Darren jerks his head into a shake again, once, determined, his eyes hard on Jay. Jay knows then that he won’t win this, won’t try to, knowing all arguing will do is force Darren to speak. Jay doesn't want that, not only because he can see what it would cost Darren but mostly because he is too scared to hear what he’d say then, even if he managed to form words.

“Okay.” It doesn’t feel right and it certainly isn’t easy but Jay gets up, straightening his clothes without thinking about them. He has clothed and cleaned both of them haphazardly when he helped Darren lie down. “Do you need anything? Water?” Darren only blinks his eyes, resigned, though when Jay places the full glass on the edge of the coffee table and pulls the blanket he slept under over Darren’s quivering legs, he may be imagining it but Darren’s gruff grunt sounds almost fondly.


  1. Thanks for the update. I really like your story. Couldn't comment on the last chapter for some reason...

    1. Thanks for commenting on this one! And don’t worry, I know how it is. I can’t comment at all from my phone, not anonymously that is. So thank you so much for making the effort. I’m happy about every comment :)

  2. I love this story, you're such a good writer

  3. Love this story and love this chapter. Thank you for posting!

    1. Thanks for leaving a comment! I’m happy when you are.

  4. And then Jay moved in with Darren and never left again?! ;D

    All so good and devvy, I already read it twice! There's something so cozy about Jay waking up in Darren's space... although of course they have once again managed to learn almost nothing new about each other. <3

    1. Also, of course Nancy put out a full breakfast for them and all they had was coffee and cereal.

    2. Ha! I didn’t even notice but yes, you’re right! This is the best detail in this chapter. I love it!

    3. Exactly that’s what’s going to happen, Rowan ;) Aww, thanks so much!

      Oh and good catch! Though of course Darren would eat cereals since it’s the easiest option and poor Jay is confused about so many things, who set the table and why does this feel like a date and why is Darren only having cereal... that he does what every lost person does and copies what everyone else (ie, Darren) does.

      Thanks Devo Girl!

  5. All your stories are soooo devy. Can't get enough of your writing.

    1. Thanks Chandelier <3 This certainly makes me motivated to go back writing again!

  6. So damn hot. Thank you