Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Not Gay - Chapter 18

“Dance for me.”

Jay breaks the kiss and pushes back a little from where he is sitting in Darren’s lap. They just entered Jay’s apartment, already all over each other before the door was closed properly. Today, Darren was waiting in front of the apartment complex because Jay’s training had taken longer and even though Jay didn’t shower, didn’t even change out of his costume, just threw over a sweater, slipped into his shoes and raced to get the next train, he was late.

“What?” Jay asks a little breathlessly and thinking he didn’t hear right.

Darren raises a trembling hand to wipe at Jay’s smudged make-up, gazing at Jay curiously.

Jay forgot removing that, although he’s usually careful not to show a trace of it outside of the dance hall, where the most eccentric make-up is regarded as normal even when they are not this close to the tournament. But now, with just two more weeks to go, costumes and make-up are compulsory during training, and the layers of powder, blotches of rouge and thick lines of eye liner are in fact necessary to prevent looking white and lifeless as a corpse under the glaring spot lights.

Jay blushes, knowing that he must look ridiculous under normal lighting conditions. It occurs to him that people on the train must have stared at him. It speaks volumes that he didn’t notice, his thoughts all but with Darren waiting for him.

“Dance for me,” Darren repeats, a lopsided grin playing around his lips as he lowers his hand away from Jay’s face. Darren pulls Jay closer to place a kiss on his throat that makes Jay giggle. The wheelchair jerks forward and crosses the threshold to the living room where it comes to a halt, the humming noise dying.

“Uh…” Jay is exhausted, it’s like every single muscle is hurting, and the last thing he thinks of is dancing. Also he can’t say why, but the thought of dancing in front of Darren, all alone, makes him feel self-conscious. He blushes even deeper, avoiding Darren’s unflinching gaze.

“Come on…” Darren gives him a little push with his left hand and nods curtly. “Do it for me, please.” He looks a little disheveled but also adorable and Jay suppresses a sigh as he feels his resistance melt.

Oh well.

Jay clears his throat and slips off Darren’s lap. Darren’s eyes rest on Jay’s hips as the other stands unsure in front of him, and it’s all Jay can do not to turn away, embarrassed.

“Uh…” Jay scratches his neck and kicks off his shoes, buying himself time. “What about music?”

Darren rolls his eyes but he reaches into the pocket of his pants, pulling out his phone with some difficulty, and places it on the low cupboard on one side of the wall with a barely disguised frown. “Siri, play music.” The phone takes a second to process, like it has to think twice about Darren’s slightly slurred speech, but then starts playing a song. The song begins some seconds into it, probably where Darren last stopped it, and Jay is surprised to recognize one of their training songs.

“Now…?” Darren turns back to Jay and when Jay can’t think of another excuse, he stiffly and awkwardly starts moving. He goes through the motions of the dance they’ve been practicing for weeks now, almost robotically. They are ingrained in his muscles in a way that he doesn’t have to think about it, which helps immensely. Even though it’s different without a partner, practicing alone isn’t unusual for him, and the routine motions calm his nerves. After a while, when he notices his nerves settling and his movements become easier, Jay dares looking up and meets Darren’s dark and hungry eyes, and the temperature in the room seems to jump up a few degrees.

“Hold on…” Jay mumbles and pulls off his sweater, it was getting into the way anyway. He reveals a tight muscle shirt underneath, clinging to him with old and new sweat. Blushing deeply, he resumes dancing, avoiding looking at Darren, so not to lose his courage again. The version of Darren’s song is much longer than the one they use during training, and when Jay went through the dance two times he starts improvising, circles Darren’s wheelchair boldly, lets his hands glide over Darren’s shoulder and arm, twitching under his touch. The living room doesn’t have much space, he had to adjust his steps before, and now he’s mostly dancing on the spot in front of Darren, his hips rolling to the rhythm, turning slowly. His hair starts to get damp again and falls into his face despite the gel, his breath comes quicker as time goes on.

And yes, Jay starts enjoying it. He can feel Darren reacting to him, to every jerk of Jay’s hip, every flick of his fingers, and it makes Jay grin with the power he feels in this moment.

When Jay dares looking up again, Darren is sitting back in his wheelchair, watching him from under half-lidden eyes, his fisted left hand slowly rubbing over the bulge in his pants. Jay swallows, heat prickling in his neck, and he turns away quickly again.

“Don’t stop,” Darren rasps, one leg lifting a little off the footrest as he speaks. Then, after a few seconds of Jay awkwardly continuing moving and Darren’s breath getting louder, Darren says: “Let me touch you.” With his eyes he pulls Jay in, who steps closer tentatively and then, upon an impulse, places Darren’s flailing left hand on his swaying hips. Jay holds Darren’s twitching hand while he continues dancing, slower now. He lets Darren’s fingers glide over his stomach, his back as he turns, up to his chest as he bends down. Darren groans appreciatively, his fingers twitching, his body rocking back in the chair with spasms. His breath accelerates, and his legs kick out, so that Jay climbs into his lap again and straddles him to avoid being hit. He continues dancing in Darren’s lap, their eyes locked, Jay’s body swaying over Darren’s, bending to the music, with Darren’s hand clenched into his side.

The song comes to an end and another starts playing but no one notices. Darren mumbles something incomprehensible and Jay, guessing at what he said, slides down and squats in front of him. He frees Darren’s cock from the confines of his pants and places a calming hand on his quivering knees. Darren’s breath is rapid and he croaks something as Jay takes his cock into his mouth. Darren’s legs kick a little, but it’s not enough to deter Jay, he simply adjusts his position. Jay’s tongue has barely touched Darren’s tip, his scent strong and heady, as Darren stiffens and grunts, his cock pulsating in Jay’s hand. Jay swallows, sucking Darren through orgasm, until the other stills and sinks back with a groan, his right arm trembling, clenched to his side.

“Wowey…” Jay mumbles, standing up after zipping Darren back in, feeling dizzy.

Darren has his eyes closed and moans. It takes Jay a second to recognize it sounds definitely pained. Darren nods his head to the couch, a hurried and court motion, and Jay supports him as Darren rocks himself out of the wheelchair, his stiff legs trembling, his teeth clenched. The wheelchair was parked a few steps away from the couch and Darren leans into Jay as they cross over shakily. Jay lets Darren down as gently as possible and helps adjusting his legs upon Darren’s request. When Darren is finally stretched out on his back on the couch, he exhales in a rush, relaxing at last. “Thanks,” he murmurs, squinting up at Jay, apologetic.

Jay lets himself fall into the cushions next to Darren, exhaustion finally hitting him. He’ll be punished for not resting after training, but it seems all worth it. They wait a few minutes until Darren’s spasms have calmed down and the large man heaves himself into a sitting position, grabbing Jay’s offered arm for leverage, still panting slightly.

“Uh... Okay, so.... What’s for dinner?” Jay jokes while his cock strains against the confinement of his tight pants as he helps Darren sit back on the couch and then flops down next to him, watching Darren from the corners of his eyes.

Darren chuckles, which sends another ripple of spasms through his body, his feet lifting off the floor a little. When it passes he lifts his head, eyes still fiery as they meet Jay’s.

Jay swallows. They definitely aren’t talking about food yet. “Uh...”

Darren nods toward his left curled hand. “We’ll better give this a break today,” he says.

“Oh, uh... of courses, whatever you need,” Jay blabbers, but when Darren doesn’t add anything Jay feels unsure about how to proceed. Does Darren want to watch him get himself off?

Jay’s hesitation must have shown on his face because Darren makes a short movement with his head, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “Come up here.” Darren directs Jay with his eyes, and Jay positions himself standing in front of Darren on the couch. Upon another jerk of Darren’s head Jay opens his pants with trembling hands. He isn’t sure Darren is already in the condition to reciprocate the blow job, but he doesn’t dare mentioning it. He pulls his own cock out, and as Darren’s breath tickles over it, warm but still cooling on Jay’s throbbing length, doubt instantly vanishes from his mind. All Jay can think of are Darren’s slightly open, pink lips and that he wants them on himself. He has to close his eyes to prevent spilling his load as he stares at Darren from above, the other’s upturned face impenetrable and still, except for incremental movements when Darren’s neck spasms.

“Chinese?” Darren asks all of a sudden and Jay jumps a little in surprise.


Darren’s lips pull to the side a little, in a resemblance of a smirk. “For takeout,” he says. “Or, of course, you could get on with this and let me blow you. But you’d have to get closer.”

Jay mumbles something unintelligible, getting hot all over with the mortifying realization that Darren had waited for Jay to place his cock into his mouth while Jay just stared at it stupidly. He hadn’t thought about the fact that Darren couldn’t lean forward even the little bit that was required. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he hastens to say, his voice higher than usual, and moves closer.

The second Darren’s soft lips close around Jay’s cock all recent awkwardness is forgotten. Darren’s lips are warm and the inside of his mouth even warmer, his tongue a gentle pressure against Jay’s length. Jay mewls as heat rushes south, making him dizzy and hot clouds fill his head. He grabs Darren’s shoulders, moaning, and forces himself not to thrust his hips forward, his muscles quivering and straining, conflicted. Darren sucks him slowly, his tongue doing most of the work, swirling around the tip, fluttering against the length, making Jay whine and groan breathily, while Darren’s head stays mostly still. It’s incredible and infuriating and Jay moans louder and buries his fingers into Darren’s flesh to keep himself together.

Then Darren starts humming around Jay and Jay jerks surprised, pleasure igniting his body. His cock slips deeper down Darren’s throat, making Jay gasp. Jay retracts immediately, the cold air in the room hitting his cock unforgivingly, and he stammers an apology. But Darren’s left hand hooks around Jay’s ankle, pulling weakly, and Jay takes it as a signal to proceed. Carefully he bucks his hips, his cock gliding back into Darren’s mouth, and then he gently thrusts, feeling himself slide deeper. Jay’s cock almost disappears and then appears again, and Darren doesn’t stop sucking him, he’s watching Jay while his tongue glides along Jay’s length. It takes all Jay‘s conscious energy not to look away from that gaze, it’s disconcerting and hot at the same time to watch Darren watch him, and as that thought still travels Jay’s mind he comes with a cut-off cry, emptying into Darren’s mouth, his knees shaking. Darren continues sucking him until Jay has spent everything, groaning and clenching his fingers into Darren’s shoulder, and his cock goes limp against Darren’s soft lips. All of a sudden, Jay feels he can barely stand on his own two feet anymore. His limbs tremble as he lets himself down next to Darren, his breath still coming in short gasps.

After a while, Jay feels Darren’s shoulders twitch against his own. Jay opens his eyes, groggily. “Mmmh?”

Darren grins at him from the side.


“I was just thinking I’d be really screwed if you fell asleep now.” He shrugs his shoulders and sends a glance to the wheelchair which is still parked a step away from the couch.

Jay blinks and then grabs a handful of cushions to stop sliding down. “You could’ve woken me up?” He rubs at his face and then notices his pants are still open and hurriedly zips himself back up.

“I know,” Darren says, smiling a little to himself again. “Now... Can you get my chair?”

Jay jumps up and fiddles with the controls until the wheelchair hums to life, and then uses the joystick to line it up with the couch. He stands watching Darren as he transfers over, still a little shakier than usually, but this time not requiring his help.

Later that evening - they are having Chinese takeout as it so happens - Darren lifts his head from the noodles he’d been staring at. He hadn’t even glanced at the chopsticks that came with the food and instead snug a fork from a drawer in Jay’s kitchen and was until now happily stuffing his face.

Jay stops chewing. “Something wrong?”

Darren shakes his head, then says: “Will you dance for me more often?”

Jay shifts in his seat, then sighs. “If you like?”

Darren chuckles and his eyes sparkle. “I thought that was obvious.”

Putting his chopsticks down on the table and rubbing his neck, Jay hesitates a moment before confessing: “I had a feeling you didn’t appreciate me dancing. In general.”

Arching an eyebrow, Darren asks: “How so?”

Jay shakes his head, thinking back to the times he talked about dancing or that time they were out dancing. Maybe he’d been imagining it... “Because you didn’t come to training earlier.”

“I was busy.”

Jay nods his head, he knew that. It’s not all there is though...

“Because I can’t dance?” Darren sits up, too, bracing his left hand with the fork on the table.

With his eyes trained on the plate in front of him, Jay nods. “I thought you were... jealous.” This has been a thought that came to him only recently, when Darren kept rejecting his invitations to come and visit training. After a while, Jay had assumed that Darren hated seeing him dance. And of course it must be a painful reminder of Darren’s limitations.

To Jay’s relief, Darren laughs. “Damn, Jay! If I were jealous of you for being able to dance, imagine all the other things I would be jealous of. You being able to walk and talk normally and cook and jerk off. Everything!” He jerks his head to the side in a sort-of sweeping gesture.

Jay grins sheepishly. “Mmmh...” It makes sense, he hadn’t thought about it like that. He nods. “Sorry.”

“I was jealous, for a moment,” Darren goes on, musing, “of Khristina. But then you tell me she isn’t interested in men, so...” Darren’s legs kick a little and the table sways. “I will be jealous though if you start keeping this from me.” He fixes his dark eyes on Jay. “Jealous and… frustrated that there’s something you love I have no part in whatsoever.”

Jay swallows and shakes his head vehemently. “I would never.” It’s true. Even when he feared Darren wouldn’t like watching him dance he hadn’t stopped inviting him. Dancing is too much a passion to keep it from Darren, plus Jay would take every opportunity to spend more time with Darren, even if whatever they do pisses Darren off. Darren’s perpetually in a foul mood, so the difference wouldn’t be very noticeable anyway.

“I know you wouldn’t,” Darren says with a wry grin and returns his attention to the food again.


  1. You have no idea how happy I was to see a new chapter of this story! I have missed Darren and Jay. I love that they are getting closer and although not defined, in a loving and passionate relationship. Thank you for posting. :)

    1. Thanks so much! I’m sorry I’ve been updating so irregularly. Will hopefully get better now! And I’m so happy about how you perceive their relationship, this is exactly what I’m going for. Thanks for staying with those two!

  2. Yay! Thanks for the update. Loved it

    1. Thanks for the comment, always warms my heart :)

  3. Omg the growing intimacy between these two is so sweet, loving it so much.

  4. Thanks so much for the update

    1. Thanks for sticking with this story and commenting!

  5. Yay! Glad to see another update.

  6. Dear Lovis, I hope you and your family is fine and you made it home safely! Is there a chance you will continue this story soon? In the meantime, wishing you all the best!

    1. Thanks so much! We are all fine. Yes, I’ll continue the story. It’s all in my mind, I just need to find time to bring it to paper.

  7. Hello, Hope you had a safe journey home and you and your family are happy and healthy. Been missing Darren and Jay a lot lately. Any plans for a new chapter soon? Take care and thanks for sharing your stories.

    1. Thanks, that’s very sweet! Probably not soon, I’m afraid. But who knows...