Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Not Gay - Chapter 5

A few months later Darren is late. He’s not that late, not like this one, disastrous time, it’s just a couple of minutes later than he normally arrives, so Jay knows he took the same train straight from work that he always takes. But it must have taken Darren a little longer to come the way from the station to Jay’s apartment and standing behind the door, waiting, Jay wonders, why.

The second Jay opens the door he has his answer. “Shit, man, you look tired!”

Darren lifts his head and rolls his eyes at Jay. “Hello to you, too,” he barks warily.

Jay notices Darren tries to diminish the slouch in his posture as he jerks the joystick forward. It’s not working, though, his body is still slightly tilted to one side. His right arm is rigid and clamped to his chest, as if all energy left in Darren has accumulated there. Even his legs seem too tired for proper kicking, as Darren bumps the wheelchair over the threshold to Jay’s apartment all they give is a small shudder.

“No beer for me,” Darren announces when he aligns the wheelchair with the couch. “Had too much coffee already at the office, don’t need more shit in my system.”

Jay can hear the tiredness in Darren’s extra-dragging speech, and those bags under his eyes speak volumes. “Much work lately, huh?” he asks, sticking his hands in his pants’ pockets to prevent himself from reaching out and patting Darren’s back. He knows the other wouldn’t appreciate that.

Darren snorts. “You can say that.” He sighs but doesn’t elaborate.

“You sure you’re up for this tonight?” Jay asks carefully, genuinely concerned, and settles down on the sofa. Last time Darren hadn’t been at his best, the evening had turned into a disaster. Jay doesn’t want to give Darren the feeling they can’t spend time together without jerking off. The fact they haven’t done so far doesn’t mean they couldn’t.

Darren rubs his left hand over his face and blinks red-rimmed eyes at Jay a few times. It’s like he considers getting annoyed but then his shoulders sag. “Hmm… Yes. I think I need this now.”

“Okay,” Jay says with some hesitation and scoots forward to reach for the remote. “Uh… Would you like to stay where you are or…?”

Darren hasn’t made an attempt to leave the wheelchair yet and Jay is unsure if he should ignore it and start the video or wait for the other to gather some strength.

Darren squeezes his eyes shut and rubs his nose with the back of his left hand. “Yeah… Think I better change seating,” he mumbles, but doesn’t budge, his eyes directed to a point somewhere past his knees.

For a moment Jay has to fight the strong urge to go over to Darren and hug him. He looks so vulnerable, so unusually weak, especially for a man his size, that Jay protective instincts kick in. If Darren were more like Jay, Jay would’ve acted at once, would’ve wrapped his arms around Darren’s broad shoulders and held him, would’ve told him to close his eyes and drift for a bit. He knows he’d needed it if he were in Darren’s position, judging from the looks. But Darren is Darren and Jay knows he risks a poorly-aimed punch in the gut if he tries so much as to touch him. So he keeps his arms where they are and observes Darren slowly scooting to the edge of his wheelchair’s seat.

“If you need help—” Jay starts but Darren jerks his head into a no, and that makes Jay fall silent very effectively.

Darren transfers even slower than usually, pushing himself into standing with a grunt, his knees weak and shaking as he shuffles over the small distance to the seat, his left hand white-knuckled on the back of the couch. Jay is prepared to shoot out a hand if need be – even if Darren didn’t take his offer he won’t let him face-plant in his living room, but Darren is a stubborn ass and makes it over on his own. Breath is knocked out of his chest as he plops down on the couch, less controlled than intended, Jay assumes, but there he is, sitting. Jay starts the video up before Darren notices he’d been watching him.

It’s a video they’ve seen already, but Jay has the feeling Darren enjoyed it, so he brings it up again. Jay sometimes prefers watching porn that he already knows, this way he can perfectly time his orgasm to match the climax of the action on screen. He hopes Darren appreciates it, too.

Jay starts slowly, feeling himself up through his pants at first, breathing deeply, before getting himself out. He gently strokes his inflating cock, savoring the feeling of its familiar shape in his palm, when he takes a first look sideways.

Jay has started to sneak looks more frequently now. He tells himself he’s only checking in on Darren, to make sure the other is comfortable, although he knows this is not the only motivation. But this time what he sees makes him indeed stop, a frown edging on his face. Darren has his cock pressed against his stomach, his palm rubbing over it slowly. Although this could lead to a slow-building orgasm and Darren’s body seems to behave enough to make it possible, Jay isn’t sure it’s on purpose. The big guy is breathing noisily through his nose, his lips a thin line, and his cock is alternating between hardening and going soft again.

Jay has no clue what is wrong, the video can’t be the reason.

“You all right?” Jay dares to ask.

Darren stops moving, the fingers of his hand twitching slightly. “Hmm…” he says and gathers breath, not looking at Jay. As he exhales his entire body tightens for a moment, and his right hand trembles violently. “Don’t worry about me. I think I better—”

Jay hadn’t planned to do it, but he’d caught the look on Darren’s face, pain and resignation flickering over it for a second, and he hadn’t been able to stop himself. Darren winces, his head flies up and his eyes on Jay are wide.

It’s not like Jay is touching Darren’s cock, not really. Darren’s hand is large, not as large as to cover his entire cock, but larger than Jay’s, so Jay is only touching Darren’s hand.


“What…?” The look on Darren’s face is one of genuine surprise, but there’s no aggression in it, for once.

Jay closes his eyes to concentrate as he moves his hands, it’s a peculiar feeling to stroke his own cock with one hand, and guide Darren’s hand over Darren’s cock at the same time with the other. It’s overwhelming for a second and he doesn’t find a rhythm, afraid he’s making this all worse by this sorry attempt at helping Darren.

Then he hears Darren gasp and Jay jumps and lifts his head, quickly removing his hand. “I’m sorry, I—”

“Don’t stop,” Darren whispers. His head has dropped back and his eyes are closed, his entire body is still and pliant as Jay has never witnessed it before.

Jay blinks and nods, and hurriedly returns his hand, softly wrapping it around Darren’s slightly trembling one. While he’s moving it up and down again, Jay stares at Darren because he craves the feedback, he’s biting on his lips with how scared he is he could be destroying whatever they carefully constructed in the course of the last months. Darren’s legs are starting to tremble a little but otherwise his muscles seem lose, allowing Darren to be as relaxed as Jay has never seen him, certainly not while trying to get himself off. If anything, Darren seems almost blissed-out. Jay swallows and feels his own cock twitch at the sight.

Jay doesn’t need to do much, the little bit of added pressure that his fingers provide, the small guidance that his hand gives on Darren’s hand are enough to coax Darren’s cock into fullness. Soon Darren’s breath comes deeper and quicker, his legs straighten and tremble faintly, but his eyes stay closed and his face smooth. Jay increases speed just a fraction and enjoys seeing the immediate reaction when Darren’s eyebrows dip, his forehead creases a little, his lips part and he starts moaning hoarsely, his knees moving closer together.

In this moment Jay can’t deny that he finds Darren an immense turn on. Having him come apart in his hands, or almost in his hands, makes a pressure blossom in Jay’s chest until he can barely breathe. He jerks his own cock with rough motions, left-handed he isn’t nearly as practiced as right-handed, but he barely needs to, he’s close just from watching Darren and hearing the big guy whimper.

“F-fuck… Jay… I’ll…” Darren isn’t much in control anymore, his speech is even more garbled than usual, but Jay understands. “It’s all right,” he mumbles. “It’s all right,” he repeats and forces himself to look someplace else, to give Darren some privacy.

Darren writhes on the couch, his legs jumping, and whatever he intended to retort comes out in a hoarse moan that almost does it for Jay. Jay feels Darren’s fingers move under his own, spasms taking over as he approaches orgasm, and he tightens his gentle grip, so not to lose rhythm. Darren cries out with pleasure, and Jay gasps, a hot spark igniting behind his navel. He’s not sure how he manages to jerk them both off still, his own orgasm is so close he’d only need to reach out and take it, but he wants Darren to get there first.

Darren groans throatily and his body trembles and shakes for a few seconds, teetering on the edge, and then he stills and comes, his cock pulsing in a way that even Jay can feel it in his hand. Darren’s hand wants to leave his cock, twitching under Jay’s grasp, but he makes it stay, stroking Darren through it properly, a completely maintained orgasm for what is maybe the first time in their sessions. Darren jerks softly and moans, his eyes wide and staring at the ceiling, his face grimacing with spasms, and that tips Jay over the edge as well. He’s just seconds behind, stroking himself through it with his left hand desperately clinging on while his right is still around Darren’s hand, almost protectively.

“Oh holy…” Jay comes to and the first thing he notices is Darren’s body close to his, barely upright, jerking gently with aftershocks. There’s sweat on Darren’s now still face, being closer than usual Jay can see the drops collecting in the tips of Darren’s hair, and Darren has his eyes closed again, breath rattling softly.

Jay pulls his hand back, a bit of Darren’s come has landed on it as well, and he grabs the box of tissues to clean himself up. He places it next to Darren who is tiredly moving his head, and when Jay knocks the box of tissues against Darren's thigh Darren looks at him with hooded eyes, something like faint wonder in it. Jay wonders if he’s in any state to clean himself.

With a grunt Darren tries to sit up. He lets go of his cock, his left hand had been laying lightly on it the whole time, and he reaches out to gather a few tissues. His right hand lifts, hovering again over his stomach as his attention is not on it, and a frown creeps its way back into Darren’s formerly smooth face. Jay recognizes the signs of pain and pulls the bin from under the coffee table to offer it to Darren so that Darren doesn’t have to change his position much to throw the soiled tissues away.

When they’re both cleaned up and properly clothed again, Darren sinks back on the sofa with a small groan and, after a moment’s hesitation, Jay sidles up next to him, and draws his knees up. Tentatively, he leans against the tall guy’s side and wraps his arms around his own shins. Somehow Jay doesn’t care anymore if he gets called off by Darren, he feels warm and heavy and like he couldn’t give a shit. It’s better than any of Chris’ weed.

“Hmm…” Darren makes in weak protest as Jay leans his head against his shoulder but that’s it. Jay assumes he’s too tired to argue. They sit like that in silence, only interrupted by Darren’s knees jumping up and down in intervals, the soles of his shoes connecting with the floor making a dull sound. Jay wonders if Darren realizes the movements his body executes on its own will, or if he’s so used to them that they escape his attention. Jay finds it oddly comforting, the rhythmic sound almost lulls him to sleep, and Darren’s slightly swaying body feels like Jay is leaning against the side of a gently rocking boat.

Then Darren utters a small groan and tries to push himself upright with his left arm that’s captured between them. “Need to go,” he mumbles.

Jay doesn’t open his eyes and cuddles closer instead of giving Darren room to get up. He can feel the others’ muscles straining against the weight they are working against, the tremors intensifying. Jay leans his cheek against Darren’s flexing arm muscles, humming as if to console them.

“Seriously, it’s time,” Darren insists, impatience edging into his voice.

Jay groans in protest and tiredly wiggles a bit against Darren. Darren smells good, like rain and grass, and late summer. “You can stay here, if you want,” he offers, waving his hand over the couch. “It can be expanded. It’s comfy.” He’s so drowsy and warm, he feels like lying down next to Darren. Maybe Jay could be the small spoon, with Darren’s left arm wrapped tightly around him, his muscular chest against Jay’s back, his…

Nope. He shouldn’t go there.

Darren shakes his head and grimaces, frustrated. “I can’t.”

Jay finally blinks puffy eyes open, pushes hair out of his forehead and huffs softly. “Bullshit. I have a spare toothbrush, if that’s your worry. And I have pillows and blankets and—”

“No,” Darren snaps, sharply all of a sudden, body stiff now against Jay’s. “You don’t understand.”

Jay pushes back a little and looks up at Darren’s dark face, puzzled. “Huh?”

Darren evades his gaze, his jaw set. “Your bathroom isn’t accessible.”


All of a sudden Jay understands why Darren always leaves early and barely ever stays for a second drink afterward. Right… “Shit.”

“Yeah,” Darren groans as he pushes himself toward the edge of the coach, Jay almost falling over as his human pillow disappears. “Sucks.”

“Sorry,” Jay says meekly, watching Darren drag his ass over the couch closer to where his wheelchair is parked. He wishes he could do something.

Darren grunts as he grabs the armrest of his chair and pulls himself up, his legs barely taking his weight. He pivots slowly and manages to stay on his feet until he’s with his weight over the wheelchair. Then he lets himself fall down, his legs spasming at the impact and his face grimacing in discomfort. “Don’t worry about it.” He finally lifts his head and looks at Jay with deep-set eyes. Jay shudders.

“Bye,” Darren says, the wheelchair whirrs to life and turns around as Darren tips the joystick to the side.

Jay jumps up from his seat to open the door. It’s the least he can do, he notices. For now.


  1. Your stories are unforgettable and unique. I love to read the things you write so much. I think you have a really great talent and I would love to read a book from you one day.

    1. Thanks Chandelier, hearing this warms my heart. I'd love to publish a book, I really do. Right now I'm too caught up in other stuff, but somewhere in the future...

  2. I freaking love this story, I wish there was more of it!! i'm really looking forward to seeing where this goes!

    1. Thanks, Queenkala! I'm glad you like it and thanks for letting me know. Stay tuned :)

    2. Oh i definitely will! im already dying to read the next chapter!

      Are we going to see the boys get "closer" any time soon?

    3. *checks next chapters* Oh yes, definitely. Those two are a bit slow, but they'll come around.

  3. Warm, engaging, and wonderfully written. Thanks.

    1. Thank you, Pepper! Those two show their soft sides in this chapter, don't they?

  4. So good, thanks so much!

  5. Replies
    1. Sel, good to hear from you! I'm happy you like this story. Thanks for commenting.

  6. The Not Gayest chapter of them all. So proud of Jay, mwahaha <3 Can't wait for more!

    1. Haha, that's right! Going to become less and less not gay, so to say. Though still not gay, all in all. Weird.