It used to be so easy with girls. Before, I mean.
I would get a vibe from a girl that she was into me, and if I liked her back, I would ask her if she wanted to hang out together. Aside from Hannah, the answer was yes about 100% of the time. Girls liked me. Ever since I was in grade school. I got more Valentines from girls than any other guy in the class did. When I was in second grade, a girl gave me a notebook that she had filled with pictures of the two of us holding hands, going on dates, and eventually getting married.
So yeah, I used to be pretty confident. I wouldn’t say I was cocky, but I never worried about a girl agreeing to go out with me. Until Hannah. That was a whole other situation. I still don’t entirely understand what I did wrong, but it must have been bad because she wouldn’t even look at me after I sent her that rose.
Anyway, things are very different now. It took over a year after my accident before I worked up the nerve to ask a girl out. And the answer was no. Not just no, but a fumbling awkward apology, about how great I was but she just couldn’t think of me like that, blah blah blah. Even now, it’s painful to look back on it. Especially because it happened again since then. More than once.
It happened enough that I expect it now. Before I make any sort of move, I’m very careful. Rejection sucks. I’d like to say it has gotten less painful over the years, but it hasn’t. Every time I have to listen to that “I’m so sorry” speech, I feel sick. I hate pity.
If this were before, I would have thought Hannah was interested in me for sure. She’s looking at me in that way. And she keeps touching my arm. Not patting it, but touching it in that way girls do when they’re flirting. I don’t get that much anymore. But I know enough to recognize it.
On the other hand, I’ve been wrong. This whole night has been one big sucker punch up until when Hannah came over to me, and I don’t want to go through a big fat rejection right now.
Hannah brushes her blonde hair from her face, and I can’t get over how sexy she looks. It’s driving me a little nuts.
“You look so different,” I say, instead of what I’m thinking.
She smiles. “Well, I got a little tired of looking like a dweeb.”
I frown at her. “You didn’t look like a dweeb. You were really cute in high school.”
“Oh, please.” She snorts. “I know you didn’t think that.”
“Of course I did.” I realize I’m gesturing with my hands and quickly stuff them back into my lap. I used to be a hand talker and the instinct is still there, but I know how it looks now. “I mean, yeah, you were a little dorky. But cute dorky. I liked it.”
I’m still having a lot of trouble reading her. She reaches for her purse and it looks like she’s making up her mind about something. At first, I think she’s going to get up and leave, but then she leans close to me. “Hey. Do you want to go somewhere private?”
I almost choke. “Private?”
“That’s right.” She winks at me. “We can find an empty classroom. Have a little fun. This reunion is so boring.”
I can’t believe this is happening. I thought of a million things that could’ve happened tonight, but I never imagined this scenario. I never imagined a girl I was in love with in high school wanting to hook up in an empty classroom. Stuff like that doesn’t happen to me anymore. But there’s no question of what my answer would be.
“Hell yes,” I say.
Hannah gets to her feet, which I hate because now I have to look up at her. I shot up in height when I was 15 years old, and I got three good years of being taller than everyone, and now I’m right back to looking up at everyone. It sucks. I’m always the “shortest” person in the room.
“Come on,” she says.
I follow her out of the gym. My hands are shaking, I’m so fucking pumped about this. I mean, this is Hannah Leonard. This is a girl I used to have wet dreams about. This is going to happen.
Except right before we get to the exit, another woman comes over to us and grabs Hannah by the arm. I recognize the woman as this girl Hannah used to be good friends with. Jane? Jen?
“Hannah!” the woman hisses. “Where are you going?”
“It’s none of your business, Jean.”
Jean! That’s right.
Jean looks down at me, and I can see her grip tighten on Hannah‘s arm. “Don’t do this,” she says in her voice that I can tell she thinks it’s too low for me to hear. “You’re going to regret it.”
That stings. I know I’m not the guy I used to be, but I don’t think Hannah will regret hooking up with me. I hope she doesn’t anyway. I’m sure a lot of women I’ve dated have been warned by their friends that they shouldn’t get involved with a guy with my issues. But it still hurts to hear it.
Thankfully, Hannah yanks her arm away from her friend. “Calm down—it’s not what you think.” She looks back at me. “Come on, Ryan.”
She doesn’t have to tell me twice.
We go down the hall to the first set of empty classrooms. Hannah steps back to let me try the first doorknob. There’s an awkward moment where I’m hoping she’ll figure it out on her own, but she doesn’t.
“I don’t do doorknobs.” I hold up my hands. “I can’t…”
“Oh!” Her eyes widen. “I… Uh, I didn’t realize. I can…” She puts her hand on the doorknob to the classroom and attempts to turn it. “This one is locked.”
Fortunately, the fifth room we try is open. By this time, I feel like I can’t wait one more second to get my hands on her. Well, I can’t feel my hands. More like, I can’t wait to get my lips on her.
The doorway to the classroom is more narrow than I remembered. There’s a scary moment when I’m worried my chair might not fit through, but then I remember Kenny made it, so I should be fine. And I am, although it’s tight.
As excited as I am, there’s a part of my brain that can’t help but wonder and worry where this is going to go tonight. Making out would be fantastic. Does she expect sex? Because if she does, I’m going to be disappointing her. There’s no chance of me getting hard enough to penetrate her without taking a pill. And I don’t want to have to explain that to her.
Even if that weren’t the case, sex in the traditional sense of the word is not my favorite thing anymore. Ironic, right? Before I got hurt, it was all I could think about. But now I can’t even feel my dick, so it’s not like it does much for me. And there are just so many opportunities for it to go wrong. So many times where it has gone wrong.
My dick could refuse to cooperate and not get hard. I could get hard and then I could lose it at an inopportune moment. I could get a muscle spasm in one leg. I could have an episode of autonomic dysreflexia where my blood pressure shoots up. And worst of all, I could shit myself. I have no control over when that happens. And all the shaking during sex is a great trigger. Try explaining that to a girl you’re attracted to. If I shit myself, it’s pretty much over.
Also, the second my pants come down, I have to explain about my suprapubic catheter. That’s the catheter that comes directly out of my bladder and leads to the bag of piss strapped to my thigh. Nothing about that is sexy. And I’d do anything to keep from Hannah seeing that right now.
She shuts the door behind us. And now we’re alone. Nothing I can do now.
“I can’t tell you how long I’ve been waiting for this,” she murmurs.
“Really?” She could’ve fooled me after the way she reacted to my rose. “Me too.”
She settles down in my lap. She fits so perfectly, it’s like she was made to sit there. She puts an arm around my shoulders and I pull her tighter to me. Her hot breath tickles my jawline, and then a second later, her soft lips are on mine.
I’m kissing Hannah Leonard.
This is the best kiss I’ve had in a very long time. Maybe ever. This is exactly what I imagined it would be like to kiss her. Her fingers thread through my hair and tug on it ever so slightly as her tongue wraps around mine. Christ, this kiss is good. Maybe it’s because it’s been so long. My dick may not be getting the signal but my brain is. I wish I could take her like a caveman.
But even so, this is amazing.
Even if sex is off the table, there’s still a lot of other stuff we could do. I could make her cum. I could make her scream.
If she wants to get off, I’ll get this girl off.
Ryan kisses really good.
I have kissed a lot of guys in my lifetime and while some of them were excellent kissers, I’ve never felt like I couldn’t stop kissing any of them. That’s why I was so sure it would be simple to leave Ryan high and dry. Now I realize how flawed that plan was. I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed quite like this before.
Why is he so good at this?
Maybe it’s the fact that he can’t move most of his body, so he has to develop skills in his mouth. The thought of that sends a chill down my spine.
All I know is I don’t want to stop kissing him. I don’t care what he did in high school. This is more intense than anything I’ve ever experienced. This is real.
His hand grazes my thigh, inching closer to the spot that shouldn’t be tingling the way it is. He raises his eyebrows at me and I nod. His hand slides up my dress, to the intensely sensitive area at the top of my thigh. And then his fingers are on my underwear. He may not be able to move them, but he’s not doing too bad.
“Ryan…” I murmur.
“Get up on the desk,” he whispers in my ear.
He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I scramble up on top of the teacher’s desk, and a second later, he’s spreading my thighs apart. I can barely breathe.
He pulls my panties off, and they’re almost dripping by now. His tongue slowly traces my inner thigh, and I can’t stand it another second. Finally, his mouth lands on my clit. His tongue swirls around in circles. Slow, then fast, bringing me close then pulling back, teasing me, torturing me as I inch closer to the edge. And when I get there? Oh my God.
I grip his hair and squeeze my thighs against his head as I throw my head back and scream. I hope nobody is out in the hallway. Because I don’t think I’ve ever screamed that loud in my life. Somebody might think he’s killing me in here.
I have five orgasms all in a row. I am not a multiple orgasms kind of girl, so this is pretty amazing for me. At one point, I feel like I’m going to pass out. My body is drenched in sweat by the end of the fourth orgasm.
That. Was. Incredible.
So what if he played a prank on me in high school? This guy is everything I’ve been looking for. He’s a nice guy. He makes me laugh. And he is fantastic in bed.
There’s no way I’m leaving here without exchanging phone numbers. He never has to know about my revenge plan from earlier. That was stupid anyway. I don’t think I ever really wanted to do it. It was all just an excuse to get close to Ryan again.
My head is still spinning when I finally manage to sit up on the desk. Ryan is grinning up at me. “Good?” he asks.
“Jesus Christ,” I say. “That was fantastic.”
“You seem surprised.”
“Well, I’ve never experienced anything like that before.”
He looks really proud of himself, which is sweet. But I feel a twinge of guilt that he got to give me that kind of pleasure and I haven’t done anything for him. So I get up off the desk and sit back down in his lap. “Now it’s your turn,” I say. “I want you to have fun.”
“You don’t have to,” he says. “That was my fun.”
I give him a skeptical look.
“I mean it,” he insists. “There’s nothing sexier than being between a girl’s legs. I love it.”
I arch an eyebrow. “How are you still single?”
He laughs but doesn’t say anything. I suppose the answer to that question is obvious.
“Still,” I say. “I’d like to do something for you.” I undo the first two buttons on his shirt, and I feel him tense up. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he mumbles. “Just… I usually keep it buttoned. You’ll help me get it buttoned again, right? Because I can’t…”
Right. I couldn’t imagine how he would manage those tiny buttons. “Of course I will…”
I continue to undo the buttons, but he doesn’t seem any happier. Maybe it’s his chest. In high school, he had a perfect physique. He doesn’t now. He’s not overweight or anything, but his chest is soft without muscles, and his belly juts out a lot. But so what? Not everybody needs to be in perfect shape. I still think he’s very sexy.
And then I get to his pants. He’s got a hook keeping them closed and I gently undo it. His head snaps up.
“Wait. Wait.” He tries to grab my hand and pull me away, but he’s not strong enough. “Don’t. Just… don’t.”
“But I want you to enjoy yourself.”
His eyebrows bunch together. “I won’t enjoy it. I can’t even feel it.”
I inhale sharply. Somehow I didn’t put that all together in my head. Men always seem so simple. You put your hand on their penis, and they’re happy. But obviously, this is a different situation.
I chew on my lip. “I’m sorry. I guess this is all new to me. Can you… tell me what you would enjoy?”
His shoulders sag in relief. “I can feel everything from the shoulders up. So anything with my face, neck, ears, hair… That’s all good. Better than good.”
I put my lips on his neck and he moans like I’ve got my tongue on his dick. I guess he was telling the truth.
“Oh, Hannah,” he murmurs. “Fuck. You are good.”
I flick my tongue against his earlobe. “Yes. I am. I bet you’re sorry about what you did in high school.”
Fine. I’m not going to get revenge. But I can’t resist a little dig.
“I’m not sorry I sent you that rose,” he says. “I’m sorry you got so upset over it, but I’m not sorry I sent it.”
I pull away from him. “Excuse me?”
He blinks at me with those pretty blue eyes. “What? Are you still angry over that?”
“Yes.” I stand up from his lap and punch my fists into my hips. “Yes, I’m still angry. You didn’t think I would be?”
“I guess… not?” He frowns. “Why is it such a big deal? I thought…”
“It’s a big deal because you humiliated me!”
His mouth falls open. “I humiliated you?”
“Yes! What did you think would happen?”
He rubs at his chin with his knuckles. “I don’t know. I thought maybe…”
All my anger that had drained away during my five orgasms returns in a big rush. Why did I think he had changed? He obviously hasn’t. He’s the same dirtbag he used to be.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he says quickly. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Damn straight.” I tug at the bottom of my dress. Where the hell did my underwear go? “I’m getting out of here. This was a mistake.”
His eyes widen. “What? But… Hannah, I’m sorry. Whatever I did that upset you so much, I’m sorry. I didn’t think that rose would upset you so much.”
“Then you’re an idiot.”
He furrows his brow. “Can we just talk about this? Please?”
I locate my panties lying on the ground by the blackboard. “Forget it. This was a big mistake. I’ve got to get out of here.”
I shimmy back into my underwear. Ryan is staring down at his chest. He looks miserable. Good.
I stop, wondering what he’s going to say to try to keep me from leaving.
He clears his throat. “Could you… could you button my shirt back up for me?”
He’s trying to keep his shirt covering his chest. Even that is difficult for him. There’s no chance in hell he’ll be able to button it.
Well, I wanted to get revenge on the guy, didn’t I?
“I don’t think so.” I swing my purse over my shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll figure that one out one way or another.”
I see a look of panic come over his face. And it only intensifies when I yank the door open to the classroom. I remember how he couldn’t turn the knob on his own. So when I leave the room, I make sure to close the door behind me.
He’s got his phone. He’ll figure it out.
To be continued...