Not Gay - Chapter 24

Jay isn’t even that big a fan of cinema, and neither does he think Darren is. But somehow, they find themselves again and again in the red plush cinema chairs, as the lights dim around them and the large screen in front of them illuminates. They take turns choosing movies, Jay slowly but unabashedly revealing his love for sappy romance, while Darren steadfastly demands the same type of action flick over and over again.

On their first visit, Darren booked a wheelchair space, and Jay got a free ticket as his assistant, with a seat right next to him. The seats were in the front row, and they had to crane their necks up to see the screen. With the cinema chair’s armrest and the armrest of Darren’s wheelchair between them, it seemed like they were endlessly far away from each other. The next time, they booked tickets for the last row, which, as it turned out, is also accessible without steps, and offers partner seats. These are slightly more expensive, but since they split the price of one ticket between the two of them, they thought they could splurge.

It was a bit of a game changer, Jay thinks. Darren parked the wheelchair right next to the end of the row, where they had booked the two outer seats. Darren leaned forward, grabbing the headrest of the seat in the row in front of them, and hauled himself up, his bent legs quivering under him. Jay hovered close by, but since the partner chairs didn’t fold up, there wasn’t much for him to do. Suppressing a grunt, Darren managed to shuffle sideways a little and let himself down into the cinema chair. He pushed himself back until he was sitting comfortably, with his right arm clenched at his side. Jay squeezed through and sat next to him, first with some distance, but later, as the movie played, he took advantage of the partner seat lacking an armrest between the two of them and snuggled close to Darren. And one time, when it turned out Darren had accidentally chosen a horror movie, Jay hid his face in Darren’s large form next to him throughout most of the viewing, and neither thought it worthwhile to mention.

But suffice to say, since then, hardly a week goes by without them visiting the cinema at least once.

Jay thinks his relationship with Darren is becoming about as normal as any other he has had before. They send an endless stream of texts back and forth to stay up to date with each other’s whereabouts when they aren’t together. Jay makes a habit of calling Darren regularly, seeking his opinion on random things, chatting him up about thoughts he’s just had when there’s no one else around to share them with, or just to hear his voice. Darren doesn't call as often, but reliably every time he finishes with physio. When they meet, they can hardly keep their hands off each other. They cuddle almost constantly and kiss whenever they feel like it, which is almost as frequently. Their friends start teasing them, saying they’ve forgotten which of the two actually needs the wheelchair, because it’s usually occupied by both.


There’s just this one tiny but significant difference, as Jay thinks.

“We haven’t really had sex yet,” Jay mumbles between chips and beer one evening. Darren is working late, but Chris is over, and they are yet again playing an epic round of Mario Kart. “I mean… of course we have, but not the… Just jacking off, you know?”

“Hmm…” Chris says noncommittally, his eyes on the screen, hitting the buttons on the player’s console with ferocity. Later, when he has won by a hair’s width and his character is dancing on the screen, he leans back. “So?” he asks and pulls out a plastic bag with his home-grown cannabis flower.

“Not that that’s required in a relationship, clearly…” Jay adds hastily, eyeing Chris. He has spent some time thinking about Chris’s preferences lately, and while he isn’t altogether sure, he thinks that physical intimacy may not be a requirement for Chris at all. “But… yeah.”

“Does it bother you?” Chris asks while placing his other utensils on the table and starting to pick the flowers apart with his fingers.

Jay shrugs. “Don’t know,” he says. “Maybe it bothers Darren. I’m not sure. He seems fine, though. And yet…” Darren sent him the link to the website about fingering and asked about Jay’s experience in anal sex. So, of course, Darren wishes for more, Jay is sure of that. The one thing he doesn’t know is if Darren would be content with less. And if he, Jay, is content with how things currently are.

“You are overthinking this,” Chris says, folding a tiny piece of paper, his eyes squinting in concentration at the task ahead. He places the self-made crutch at the end of the rolling paper and starts sprinkling the flower in a column in line with it. “The two of you, you are your own universe. Look at you. You can barely stand sitting there without him. He doesn’t stop talking about you, ever. And he doesn’t even like talking. So… You are having all kinds of sex. It’s just a different sort from what the rest of the world thinks sex is.”

Jay chuckles but thinks about this for a while, starting a new round of Mario Kart, just him against the computer. He knows it’s his only solid chance at winning tonight. “I think… I’m not sure we work that way.”

Chris swiftly rolls the joint and taps it against the table. Then he twists the end, sticks the other end between his lips, lights up and takes a drag. “If you’re curious, just ask,” he says, exhaling slowly, and offers Jay his joint. Jay takes it, grateful for something to occupy his hands – and mind – with.

And it’s not like Darren and Jay don’t have adventures. Darren’s preference for sexual encounters in public places hasn’t stopped at the one incident in Jay’s elevator. One week later, they watch a movie in a cinema that isn’t even half full. Jay sits on Darren’s left side, snuggling close with Darren’s left arm hugging him, and feeds Darren popcorn from the gigantic bag on his lap. The movie is Darren’s pick: guns, guys with abs, and girls with tits. Jay would never have watched it alone, and he suspects Darren wouldn’t have either. The cinema is dark, and Jay feels every quiver of Darren’s body, the occasional jerking of his legs, and the tightening of his left arm around Jay. He knew attempting to feed Darren was risky, but he didn’t want them to have to change positions, and since Darren’s right hand isn’t of much use, that didn’t leave them with much of a choice. Fortunately, Darren didn’t object. Jay realizes how close they’ve become, comfortable with even such an intimate task, and at the same time, he finds he’s slightly turned on by it.

Before Jay can think of something to do about it, Darren shifts in his seat, a muffled groan escaping him.

“What is it?” Jay whispers, turning his face to look at his boyfriend. Darren’s features are lit by the flickering light from the screen, the lines in his face sharply outlined, deep like craters.

How long has he been in pain?

Darren grumbles something that is drowned out by the general action-movie racket. He suddenly slides a bit lower in his seat, his long legs straightening more into the limited space available. Jay isn’t sure if they move on their own accord or on Darren’s will.

“Do you need to lie down?” Jay asks, scooting over to give Darren more room.

At first, Darren shakes his head, his lips set, but then his face contorts in pain again, his left hand balling into a fist, trembling into the seat’s cushioning. Jay gets up and carefully moves Darren’s stiff legs at the knees, aiding them to turn even more until Darren lounges sideways on the long seat. Jay rolls up his padded jacket and squeezes it into the corner between the armrest and the back of the seat, under Darren’s head.

“Better?”

Darren nods curtly. “Could you…” He jerks his head to the side.

After a short hesitation, staring at Darren struggling to move, Jay understands and helps him lift his trembling legs up on the seat one by one, the knees folding over the other armrest now. Fortunately for them, the neighboring partner seat is empty.

“Sorry,” Darren mumbles through clenched teeth as Jay bends down to him, frowning in worry.

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Jay hastens to say, with a sudden squeeze in his chest. He can barely stand seeing Darren in pain, but him apologizing for it is even worse. “We can… we can go if you like?”

“Yeah…”

Darren’s gaze evades his, and Jay understands that there’s no way Darren will be able to make the transfer now, or possibly even sit in his chair long enough to leave the building.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Jay says, still crouching low at Darren’s level. “This isn’t too bad. We’ll be able to follow the movie from here, right? It’s not like we’re missing out on anything vital. And this…” He vaguely gestures to Darren’s body. “Will be over in, like… what? I mean, it can’t go on forever, can it? I can… If it helps, I could maybe try some stretching? Is it your legs, or–”

Darren closes his eyes and groans briefly, a jolt running through his body like an electric current. When he opens them again, he sort of shrugs his shoulders, or at least that’s what Jay thinks he does.

“Okay, well, I’ll simply start with your legs, alright? Um…” Jay’s hands flutter over the fabric of Darren’s pants, and he decides to pull off Darren’s shoes first. Desperately, he tries to remember what Julek taught him, but there’s just blankness where there should be instructions, and a jumble of information about muscles and tendons that isn’t helpful now. Desperate, he tries to conjure up memories of Khristina having a cramp during one of their training sessions. It happened a few times, especially when she wore new shoes. He’d helped her stretch then, though Darren’s problems seem to play in an entirely different league.

But then again, legs are legs, Jay decides and places one hand on Darren’s shin, one around his foot. He watches Darren as he slowly flexes his foot, pushing against the resistance. After a while, he turns Darren’s foot at the ankle, testing its range of motion, and bends back his toes. Darren’s eyes have closed again, the line between his brows deep, but he doesn’t make another sound of discomfort. Encouraged, Jay changes position and bends Darren’s leg at the knee, remembering some of Julek’s instructions, sweat starting to bead on his forehead. He feels Darren’s calf muscles quiver through the fabric of his pants, angry pent-up energy surging through them, and leans with his whole body into it, his hands gripping firmly.

As he works, Jay barely dares to breathe, hyperaware of every little twitch in Darren’s facial expression, every little sign that could tell him to stop. He knows he’ll cause some additional pain; it’s unavoidable and necessary, from what Julek taught him, but he also trusts that Darren knows his own limits. When he finishes with the leg closer to himself, he resumes with the other, although it’s decidedly more awkward and difficult from this side. Jay couldn’t tell if they are attracting stares, if anyone even notices them in the half-empty cinema hall. He doesn’t hear the excessive noise of the movie, doesn’t register the flickering light dancing around them. He’s so absorbed that he doesn’t notice Darren’s face smoothing out after a while, the aggressive tremble in his legs ceasing, and his chest expanding with deeper breaths as he relaxes. Jay only stops when he runs out of ideas and looks up to see Darren watching him with his eyes open, a wry grin on his lips.

“Thanks,” Darren murmurs as Jay, as gently as possible, places Darren’s leg back over the armrest and scoots to kneel at Darren’s head again.

Jay knows it may not have been his doing; the spasms may have just disappeared on their own, the same way they started, but he doesn’t really care. All he cares about is knowing Darren feels better for now. Jay trails a trembling finger along Darren’s temple.

“Shit…” he says. “That was… Sorry, I’m glad you’re okay,” he breathes, his heart rate only slowly normalizing. “I didn’t know… This was bad, wasn’t it?”

“Hmm…” Darren clears his throat, aborting what seems to have been a feeble attempt to get up, and lets his head sink back into Jay’s makeshift pillow. His left arm lifts a little off the seat, fist pointing to his chest.

“Um, I don’t mind if you’d want to leave now,” Jay says. “Really, we don’t have to force it. We could just call it an early night and–”

“Or,” Darren says, turning his head to look at Jay. “We could stay.” His tongue is seemingly slow around the words.

“Y-yes. That would be the… um, alternative.” Jay isn’t really sure he understands correctly.

Darren shifts a little, his eyes turning away from Jay briefly. “It’s just… Your hands were quite…” Darren’s throat works, and a fleeting grin crosses his expression. “Busy.”

Jay ponders this. Yes, when he ran out of stretching techniques, he may have defaulted to massages. Another thing that Khristina values when she’s sore after an unusually demanding training session. Jay had massaged around Darren’s knee, dug his fingers into Darren’s tight thigh muscles. That’s what he remembers. He doesn’t know what–

Jay’s gaze follows Darren’s, and realization hits him as he spots the unmistakable tenting of the front of Darren’s pants.

“Oh.” Heat rushes to Jay’s face, and he feels an answering rush to his groin. “That… I’m–”

Holy shit, Darren has a boner, now?

Darren chuckles, his right hand clenching. “Sorry,” he says, still grinning. “I swear it wasn’t planned. It’s just… I don’t usually get the hot-nurse treatment.”

Jay guffaws. “Geez…” He rubs his hands over his face, trying to calm down. He gets up from his kneeling position, still stooping low, and scans their surroundings. There are a few guys in the row in front of them, more to the middle. They have finished their popcorn, empty bags in the vacated neighboring seats, and seem quite absorbed with the movie. There’s a couple a few seats further down in Darren and Jay’s row—the last row. They appear to be kissing wildly. Jay wonders how they ended up in this action movie, after all. Neither of them seem to have noticed Jay and Darren so far, or the movie currently running.

“Don’t mind, though. It will disappear on its own,” Darren mumbles when Jay doesn’t answer.

“No, I…” Jay’s head snaps back around. “I’m just…”

“Scared?” Darren asks, his eyes twinkling wickedly. He inches his left hand closer to his crotch and starts rubbing over the bulge with the back of his hand, all the while never breaking eye contact with Jay. Jay recognizes one of Darren’s masturbation techniques. Unmistakable even among the noise from the movie, a groan escapes Darren, his legs trembling a little, and he’s briefly forced to look away from Jay as another spasm washes over him.

Fuck. Jay feels dizzy with sudden arousal. He shoots one last look at the couple in their row, which still appears quite occupied, then drops down on his knees again next to Darren. “Okay, okay. We’ll do this, apparently. Holy shit… Um…”

Jay watches Darren’s hand moving back to the front of his pants, his fingers fumbling with the zipper, unsuccessfully. He briefly considers staying where he is, crouched down and in the shadows. He could jerk Darren off from there, but then he decides he doesn’t want to hide. He gets up again and murmurs some explanation to Darren before lifting his legs again, cautiously. Jay watches Darren as he maneuvers around Darren’s legs and slides onto the seat next to him. Then he places Darren’s legs down over his own lap and the seat’s armrest again.

“Alright?” Jay asks. Darren gives a grunt that Jay interprets as affirmative. Sitting like this, Jay can see the back of the heads of the youth in the row in front of them, and the kissing couple to their left. At least he’ll know when they’re being watched, he thinks.

“And you?” Darren asks.

Jay bites his lips, his skin prickling. It’s not like he isn’t overly excited. He’s already half-hard, just from watching Darren. It’s thrilling to know someone could turn their head and see them. It’s just always a bit too much for him.

He’d prefer old, plain, boring sex in the bedroom any time. It’s not as likely to give you a heart attack. But then again, who knows?

“Now… if you don‘t mind…” Darren’s tone becomes a bit more urgent, barely masked by his chuckle, and Jay remembers he has a task at hand. Literally.

Jay makes quick work of opening Darren’s pants and freeing his cock. Once again, he’s mesmerized for a second by how big Darren is. He takes a furtive look around, making sure no one is watching, then spits in his right hand and lets it glide along Darren’s length. A shiver runs through Darren’s body, his head falling back into the makeshift pillow. Jay can feel more Darren’s sigh than hear it, the sound system drowning out all softer sounds.

As Jay works Darren, first with trembling, anxious strokes, then with growing confidence as security personnel doesn’t barge in right away, the legs that are draped over his lap start shaking again, albeit only a little. Sometimes Darren’s hips jerk upward, but Jay isn’t sure it’s voluntary. Darren’s left forearm lies over his forehead, shadowing his eyes. His lips are pressed together, and still, Jay can sometimes hear the throaty groans escaping him, always sending a sharp panic up Jay’s spine, mingling with the arousal there. Jay can’t resist looking around quickly a few times, checking that they haven’t been caught.

So far, all is clear. Everyone around them seems to be either engrossed with the movie or with each other.

As Darren slowly nears his peak, Jay notices his breathing speeding up some more, his muscles tensing and releasing more frequently. Jay accelerates the movement of his hand slightly, his strokes firm as he knows Darren likes it. He adds a twist at the tip, his thumb swirling around the drops of precome pearling out of Darren’s cock in a steady stream now. Darren’s whole body jerks, and he groans loudly, and although he bites into his arm, Jay is sure this must have been overheard by half the cinema hall.

There’s no time to check their surroundings properly, and anyway, Darren is too far gone past the point of return. Breathless, Jay continues jerking him off with unfaltering motions, his arm straining, his skin hot and sweaty with effort and anxiety. And the unmistakable call of his own cock, tenting out his forefront now. Finally, in what seems like an impossible act, Darren’s body tenses even more for a second before he unloads with a deep moan, shuddering violently through orgasm. Jay works him through it, Darren’s come coating his hand, until the last spurt that has Darren whimper and still.

Darren is panting as he comes down, his legs jerking weakly, his right arm rigid, hand in a tight fist. “God,” he groans, heaving in breaths. He lifts his head to look at Jay and lets it fall down again. “Geez. Fuck.”

“So good?” Jay jokes, pulling out some tissues and cleaning up as best as he can, hurrying to make Darren decent again. He can practically feel the eyes boring into them from all sides.

As Darren is clothed and his legs are calming down, Jay finally dares to look around the cinema again. The group in the row in front of them seems unperturbed, intoxicated by a few long-legged sidekicks that have appeared on screen. The couple to their left is still huddling together, but as Jay looks, he meets the eye of the woman, and she grins at him.

With a gasp, Jay turns his head to look at the screen again, mortification washing over him. What did she see?

“Everythin’ all ‘ight?” Darren drawls.

Jay shoots the woman another look; she’s back to kissing her boyfriend, and he isn’t sure he didn’t just imagine it all. A nervous giggle escapes him. “Yeah, I mean… Yeah, think so.”

And even if. So what? He decides he’ll try not to think about her.

“How do you feel?” he asks Darren.

Darren comments with a grunt, and they watch the end of the movie like this, Darren still stretched out, halfway over Jay. Jay’s boner dies down with time. He didn’t find the courage to take care of it. Not while he can hear the couple to his left whispering to each other.

He has reached his maximum tolerance for adventures in a day, Jay thinks.

Toward the end of the movie, Darren motions for Jay to help him sit up. Jay moves his legs to the ground slowly and offers Darren a hand to pull himself into a sitting position. Darren grimaces, but with some effort, he manages to sit, legs still somewhat stiff in front of him, his right arm bent and pressed into his side. Not one of his better days, obviously.

As the credits roll, Darren takes forever to transfer to the wheelchair that parks as close to the seat as possible. There’s a queue behind Jay as Darren finally makes it over, gripping the seat in front of him for leverage again, his legs shaking like they’re thinking of aborting the mission altogether. He sorts his feet on the footrest one by one, trying to push back into a more comfortable position, and evidently failing with a half-suppressed, tired growl. Jay steps to the side to let people pass, and as the woman squeezes through with her partner on her heels, he could swear she whispers, “Hot,” into his ear.

But he can’t be sure.

They put on their coats, and Darren wills his left hand to navigate the wheelchair. The cinema hall spits them out into the overly brightly lit entrance area, with the last trickle of cinemagoers. Darren is concentrating on steering the wheelchair through the loitering crowd, and they don’t talk before they have exited the building, the air crisp and cold.

“I think we were observed,” Jay mentions.

A smug grin flickers over Darren’s taut face, lighting it up for a second. “Huh,” he says. “Bet they enjoyed it.”

“I actually think they did,” Jay muses and tells Darren what he noticed.

Darren seems mildly impressed.

“Up for a drink?” Jay asks cautiously, blowing into his hands. He’d love to sit somewhere warm.

Darren’s jaw sets. “Don’t think I don’t want that. But…” He sighs, not meeting Jay’s eyes. “Sorry. Really need to lie down.”

Jay nods. He already anticipated that, and looking at Darren, lopsided in his wheelchair, his face a grimace of pain, he knows it’s the only sensible decision tonight.

“Okay,” Jay says. “I’ll walk you to the train station. There’s still a bit of time…”

Darren chuckles as he jump-starts the wheelchair. “Someone caught fire?” he mumbles.

“What?” Jay stops momentarily, then jogs to keep up with Darren. “Oh no, I don’t mean… No, no, you’re insane! Darren, that’s not—”

Darren’s shoulders jump as he laughs, and his hand momentarily slips off the joystick. Jay almost walks into the wheelchair that stops abruptly.

“What I mean is kissing, alright?” Jay hurries to say. “Just kissing. Nothing else.”

“Nothing else,” Darren repeats, still chuckling.

Jay buries his hands in the pockets of his coat and bites his tongue. He punishes Darren by walking next to the wheelchair the entire way to the train station, instead of hopping onto the armrest. Yeah, he’s still a bit horny; Darren is right. But he’d rather wait until he’s in his bedroom, alone, tonight. Maybe he can call Darren once the big guy is home. That, Jay thinks, sounds like a plan to his liking.

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