The One Who Got Away – CH 6

 

Chapter 6

Part One: Excuses

So it was official – Seth was back in her life and she in his. After Lakeside Park, spending time together became a regular thing again.

In some ways, it was like old times. But they were a bit older now, and their friendship seemed not as weightless as it had been in the past. Which – Kay supposed – was probably what happened when people had complicated history and gone years without contact. Plus, one person having acquired quadriplegia along the way. You could also say: Life had happened. 

Seth wasn't entirely her old Seth – he was her new Seth. New Seth didn't have the carefree nonchalance of the old Seth, but in exchange, his ability to observe and perceive had grown all the more. He had always been a good listener and conversationalist, but now he was absolutely killing it. The new Seth seemed more humble, maybe even more serious.

Oh, and he couldn’t move. 

It was fascinating to Kay how little time it had actually taken her to get used to that fact. In Lakeside Park, she had still asked herself if she would ever be able to see Seth as a quadriplegic – a few meetings later, she didn't even register the wheelchair much anymore. Not in the sense of overseeing it. Rather the opposite: Seth's disability was just part of who he was now, with everything it brought with it. Things like helping him with drinks or moving his control within reach were simply aspects of spending time with him, and Kay didn't really associate them with limitations anymore. When there were no hiccups, it didn't really play a role that Seth was completely paralyzed.

Granted, there were also moments where his disability did play a major role; moments when things went south. A malfunction on the wheelchair. Places that were not as accessible as they looked from the outside. Temperatures that brought on discomfort. Blood pressure issues. Violent spasms that made talking impossible for him. Pain. The list went on. The more time she spent with Seth, Kay realized that his wellbeing was kind of a fragile balance that was depending on a whole number of factors. A balance that could easily be disrupted. And because the factors were so many, the chance of something being wrong at some point was rather high. Even though there hadn't been another such dramatic occurrence like the thing with the wasp, that first meeting at Lakeside Park had turned out to be quite representative of how fast an activity or conversation with Seth could turn from fun to tense. 

They met up at least once a week. It wasn't always easy to find a common time slot, but somehow they managed. Kay had quickly figured out Seth's weekly schedule. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, he had physical therapy. Those appointments took up half of the day, and he was never available for meeting up after – because, as he said, they left him "spent". 

Kay wondered why. Physical therapy for people with spinal cord injuries was something she only knew from TV shows and movies, where some character simply needed to overcome their inner resistance, then did some stretching and some exercises on parallel bars and tadaa, they could walk again. Which was obviously ridiculous and not the case here. So what was Seth doing there? It wasn't like he had much of his body to work with.

Apart from PT, there were also numerous other medical appointments, and of course his job. Overall, he was much busier than she would have expected him to be, given that he was working only a few hours per week. 

"My disability is almost a full-time job", he'd once remarked, and even though he hadn't specified what he meant by that, Kay had a feeling he wasn't merely talking about PT and doctor's visits. She did know that sometimes he needed to cancel on her pretty much last minute – and cancelling was something the old Seth had never done. "Bad day", was usually all he would state as the reason, or: "Something's come up." Whatever the ‘something’, Kay knew it was always disability-related in one way or another. 

Not that Seth would have ever said so – he never told her anything about the in and outs of his quadriplegia. It wasn't that he didn't answer questions when she asked, but it was never more than just that: answering. He never elaborated, never went into detail, never followed it up with anything that could reveal more than he apparently wanted to. Kay simply accepted this boundary of his. She didn't want to pry when it was so evident that his medical situation wasn't exactly his favorite topic. 

One thing they absolutely never talked about at all were the circumstances of his injury. Even after several months of close contact, Kay didn't know the first thing about his accident – other than what he’d told her when she had run into him: That he had broken his neck in a car crash about one and a half years earlier. She didn't have a clue where and how it had happened, if he'd had any other injuries, how long he'd been in the hospital for and what rehab had been like for him. Seth's ability to completely block the whole topic was just mind-boggling. He gracefully steered clear of it in his ever subtle ways, and if the conversation ever threatened to get close to the area, he would promptly divert attention into another direction. And Kay just let him, well picking up on his unwillingness to go there. Seth might tell her one day, she figured, whenever he'd be ready to.

"I have barely heard from you lately", Micah complained while she was bouncing Neil up and down on her knees. "What’s the deal?"

Kay shrugged, looking down at the pie on her plate. "Just busy."

"Busy spending time with Seth?"

She suppressed a grin, feigning a snort. "Well, there's also my job." She reached across the table and tickled Neil under his tiny chin, and he giggled in delight.

Micah smirked. "Ok then, busy with your job AND hanging out with Seth."

Kay sheepishly averted her eyes and took a sip of her Latte. She didn't want to admit it, but Micah had actually just summed up her current life in a nutshell: Work and Seth. In a matter of weeks, he had become her go-to person in every regard – Kay almost couldn't fathom how she had even been able to exist years without him around. She shared everything with him, and without really noticing, she had started to neglect the other relationships in her life. Seth was her priority when it came to spending her free time.

"I guess it's because we have a lot of catching up to do," she attempted to explain.

Micah, feeding a piece of banana to Neil, clicked her tongue. "Whatever you need to tell yourself."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh quit acting all clueless over there, you know perfectly well," Micah laughed with a shake of her head. "You've still got the feelings."

Kay opened her mouth wide to protest, but somehow, she suddenly had trouble forming any words.

"Thought so", Micah grinned, and Kay shook her head:

"Seth means a lot to me," she stated. "That doesn't mean I have 'the feelings' though. That's in the past."

Neil picked up his mom's glass and spilled some water onto the table. With a groan, Micah wiped it up with a napkin. "So why do you spend every spare minute with him?"

Kay scoffed and took a bite from her apple pie. Why was it so unusual to want to spend a lot of time with a good friend? Sure, she had other friends, too – like Micah – and sure, she hadn’t talked to her family in a while, but so what? They weren't Seth, so… they were just not as… as cool as him.

Sure, when she had last seen Seth four years ago, she'd still had strong feelings for him. And yes, she hadn't been able to ever fully let go of those feelings, even during her relationship with Thomas. And sure, she still found Seth attractive – his injury hadn't changed that – but then again, she had found him attractive long before she had ever thought of hooking up with him, so why couldn't she find him attractive now that they were purely friends again? Because that was what they were: Friends. 

"Look, I'm sorry I've been neglecting you," she said to Micah. "I admit it has been all about Seth lately. Maybe the fact that I have work appointments at his house plays into that, too."

It had absolutely nothing to do with it. But it was a good excuse. 

"How is that progressing?" Micah pulled out a plush toy from her mom bag and held it up for Neil to grab. 

"The workers are due to start in a couple of weeks," Kay replied. "Then it's gonna be a building site up there for at least a month."

"Where are the parents going to sleep the whole time?"

"They'll be away. Lengthy vacation." 

Seth had told her that actually, his parents had intended to rent a nearby studio for the duration of the remodeling works. But apparently he managed to convince them to go on a trip instead. He seemed to feel guilty about the big one they'd had to cancel because of his accident. Plus, Kay had a feeling he wasn't unhappy about the prospect of having the house to himself for a while.

"But then who is going to take care of him?" Micah more exclaimed than asked.

"His parents don't do that anyway," Kay shrugged. "He's got professional aides for that."

"Aides?"

"Or care assistants. Whatever you want to call them. There's always one of them around." Kay did a peekaboo with Neil, and he squealed happily, stretching his little arms out to her. 

"Wanna sit with auntie Kay?" Micah said in her mom voice, then lifted the little guy up for Kay to pick up. 

"You are just the CUTEST little guy, aren't you," Kay swooned, giving him a tickle, then started bouncing him on her knees. 

Micah leaned back in her chair with the relieved face of a tired mom who had just gotten two minutes of freedom. "Isn't that weird though when you're hanging out with him?" she inquired. "To have medical staff in tow all the time?"

Kay shook her head. It was mostly Brian anyway, and he didn't feel like 'staff'. Probably because he was the same age as her and Seth, and because he was also a friend to his employer. Kay had gotten to see the other two PCAs – Greg and Roberta – on only a few occasions. Greg was a burly ex truck driver around his late forties. While he was not half as empathetic and intuitive as Brian, you could tell his heart was in the right place, and he was reliable. Roberta, a chatty Latina in her mid-fifties was more the auntie type, obviously with a very soft spot for Seth. They were both nice people, but it did feel a little less private when it was one of them around instead of Brian. Still, Seth always having an aide around didn't really feel weird to her anymore. It was just part of who he was now.

"I've got an idea," she said to Micah. "Why don't we meet up all of us. You and me and Seth. I think he would love to meet Neil, too."

For a second, a hint of nervousness flashed up in Micah’s face. Which had to be an absolute first ever since Kay had known her. "Oh. Uhm."

Kay ignored the hesitation. She gave Neil another bounce. "Do you want to meet Uncle Seth?" She babbled. "Do you?"

With a giggle, Neil fervently nodded his head, even though he had probably no idea what she was talking about.

Kay smiled in satisfaction. She looked at her friend with a little more seriousness. "So what do you think?"

Micah sighed, smirking. "How can I say no to that?" She pointed at her son.

"Exactly."

Part Two: Balancing

"Is it accessible?" Seth wanted to know. They were sitting outside a coffee shop and Kay had just suggested that for the get-together with Micah, they should visit her at her family home.

"Do you think I would even consider the option if it wasn't accessible?" Kay snorted, looking kind of offended.

"Just checking." He lent her a smile, then nodded at his coffee, and Kay held the mug up for him, steadying the straw with one hand. "It's all ground level", she elaborated while he was taking a few sips. "Not a single step anywhere. Broad doors, accessible backyard."

"Thanks," he mumbled, once done drinking. "And the bathroom?"

That made Kay pause. She scratched her forehead. "Shit. Yeah, no. Actually didn't think of that. Is that a dealbreaker?"

He shook his head. "Can always go use the car if necessary." It was one of the advantages of wearing a catheter. Bathrooms were a perk, not a necessity. You could empty a leg bag pretty much anywhere, as long as there was privacy.

"Cool," Kay nodded. "Who will be on shift?"

Seth quickly checked his mental calendar. "Brian. Why?"

"Can I be part of the betting?" She grinned goofily. It was cute, and he had to laugh.

"You’ve been dying to do that, haven't you."

Kay shrugged sheepishly, slightly blushing. "Sort of."

"Tell me the truth," he teased. "Is this the real reason why you want me to get together with you and Micah? So you can finally take a 'greet-the-PCA'-bet?"

She chuckled, giving him a bashful look. "Not the only reason, but… it was actually what gave me the idea."

Laughing, he shook his head at her. "You're unbelievable."

"Thanks," she grinned. "I try my best."

"Hiii Seth!" Micah practically screamed when she came to greet them in front of her house. "So good to have you!"

She had never shown such enthusiasm to see him – not even a quarter of it. With some people, disability unease had its upsides.

"Hey Micah," he smiled. "Long time no see."

She leaned over him awkwardly, attempting a hug but ending up patting the back of his shoulders with both hands. "Must be at least six years," she said, her voice still way too loud. "When we all were still young and stupid."

"Speak for yourself Micah," Kay stepped forward from behind Seth, and he saw her hand brush the side of his armrest. "And Hi, by the way."

"Yeah yeah," Micah uttered in mock indifference, pulling her in for a hug. "Hi to you, too." 

"Where's the little guy?"

"Taking a nap," Micah said. "He'll be up soon, don't worry." Then she looked somewhere behind Seth. 

"Oh, right," Kay told her in such a fake casual tone that it was almost obvious. "Meet Seth's PCA Brian." 

If able to, Seth would have pinched the bridge of his nose, and he did his best to keep his face impassive. Kay was so terribly bad at being fake, it was cringeworthy. And adorable.

Meanwhile, Micah paused a beat, then just smiled and offered Brian a short nod. Seth saw Kay's eyes widen in shock before they darted over to him, and he gave her a discreet wink. He had won – Micah had just done exactly what he'd said she would. Kay had predicted she would at least say Hi. Brian on the other hand had joked the woman would offer him a hug. Now Kay looked not only shocked, but actually quite pissed at Micah. 

The house really was accessible, she had been right. Except for the living room floor, as it turned out. "Uh, Micah," Seth mumbled after sipping the chair to a stop. "I'd hate to bulldoze your baby's toys, so maybe you could –"

"Oh my God!" Micah made a face as if she had just killed his dog, and she hastily started gathering up the items from the floor. "I'm so sorry, Seth!"

"Don't worry about it, you couldn't know," he assured her, feeling bad about how stressed out she seemed. He glanced at Kay, who was helping with the toy gathering. She didn't look like she felt bad for Micah at all. Still pissed. 

"We're so happy to have this one back, right?" Micah said to Seth, pointing her head towards Kay. She was still speaking a little too loud when talking to him, even after a good half hour. "Those five years felt way too long."

He nodded, his eyes resting on Kay. "I agree. Way too long." They shared a furtive look, and he saw her blush.

"And look what happened to me without her," Micah joked. "I became a mom! Me, of all people."

Kay gave her a friendly smile. "A great one though. And of the cutest little guy possible." She bent down to run her hand over Neil's little head. He really was very cute, the way he was rolling around on the floor between them, babbling nonsensically.

"I think the cake should be done any minute," Micah announced, standing up. "I'll be right back. Keep an eye on Neil for me, will you?"

The little guy went to follow her as she left the room; half crawling, half scooting on his bottom, and Kay gently turned him the other way. "Mommy will be right back, Neily."

He just sat there, looking up at her with big eyes. Until Seth's wheelchair suddenly piqued his interest. He came crawling over, then pulled himself in a standing position, using Seth's leg as support.

Seth had to crane his neck to look down at him – Neil barely reached up to his knee. "Hi little buddy," he smiled. "What are you doing?"

Neil, still holding on to his jeans, took a few wobbly steps along the wheelchair. He examined the foot rests and the front wheels, all the while talking to himself in baby lingo. 

"Very interesting, isn't it," Kay nodded as she stood next to him, holding out one hand to catch him if necessary. The little guy looked up at Seth and then held out his arms, obviously hoping to be picked up.

"Wanna come up here?" Seth chuckled, and Neil nodded his cute little head.

Kay bent down to lift him up. "That's a great idea. Let's go to Uncle Seth." She settled him on his lap, standing close to make sure he couldn't fall off. 

Neil started climbing around on top of him, apparently finding the strange kind of armchair Uncle Seth was sitting in very fascinating. He started playing with the buckle belt, then poked and prodded the pads supporting Seth's sides. A tiny hand managed to push underneath one of them, and Seth chuckled. It probably would have tickled if he'd been able to feel it.

Only now the little guy suddenly took notice of the control straw. He was already reaching for it when Kay leaned over, stopping him. "No," she murmured, "we're not gonna play with this one."

Neil wasn't happy, again attempting to grab it. "Nah-uh," Kay singsanged, now simply pushing the fixture out if his reach, towards the back of the chair. A whiff of her perfume reached Seth's nose. She glanced at him for confirmation. "Right?"

He nodded, smirking lopsidedly. Better if the little guy couldn't mess with his control. It was too precious to him for that. "Sorry little Bud," he murmured, and as a consolation pulled a funny face. 

Neil giggled happily, and Seth repeated the grimace a few times until the baby's attention went on to the next thing. He started patting Seth's unresponsive arms. Maybe he was confused why they just sat there so boringly. Seth watched him with silent fascination. There was a whole little human being climbing around on top of him right now and he couldn’t feel even a hint of it. He wondered how heavy Neil was. 

The little guy was now playing with his right thumb, tugging at it with slight impatience. The action triggered a spasm, and Seth felt a pull at his shoulder when his arm jerked forward, extending at the elbow. Neil seemed to love it, because he squealed in delight, babbling something that almost sounded like 'again'. Seth laughed. No can do, sorry. His arm was half off the armrest now, and when Neil pulled at it in the hope of another reaction, it slid down into his lap, a folded-over hand landing heavily next to the little guy. Neil started giggling like crazy. It was so contagious that everyone had to laugh. 

“OK Sweety, I think that's enough,” Micah gently uttered. Seth hadn’t even noticed that she was back from the kitchen. "We're gonna have some cake now."

He'd had no idea that Micah could be this communicative. While they were all sitting there and eating cake, she just kept going and going – about whatever just came to her mind, it seemed. Granted, he didn't know Micah too well, but she seemed like a completely different person from when he'd last seen her.

Kay appeared to think so too – she was sitting there with an irritated frown on her face as she listened to her friend tell a story from when she and Brandon had bought this house. 

"I know I'm the last person anyone would ever have expected to move to the suburbs," Micah chattered. "I guess sometimes things just turn out differently than we thought, right?"

"Very." Kay commented dryly, and Seth suppressed a chuckle.

Micah seemed to associate the comment with something else though, and she looked at Seth. "But who am I telling this to", she said with a sympathetic expression. "Nobody knows that better than you, Seth, right?"

He smiled politely. "Right." From the corner of his eyes, he could see Kay bury her face in one hand. 

"I really appreciate you coming all the way here," Micah told him. "Despite your situation."

Yikes. 

Kay's face disappeared behind her hand again.

Hiding his internal cringe, Seth shrugged, and he lent Micah another smile. "No big deal. It's been nice seeing your home and meeting Neil."

"Look at us, getting along so well," Micah commented with a grin.

Now to that, he actually didn't know how to respond. 

Kay did, though. She made an exasperated sound. "What the hell are you talking about, Micah?" she blurted. "Seth never had a problem with you."

Micah threw her friend a sour glance, then turned back to look at him. He lifted his left shoulder. "She's right."

"Yeah ok," Micah mumbled somewhat guiltily. "I guess that was all me." She looked at him apologetically. "I probably misjudged you back then. Or we both just have evolved. You're actually pretty cool."

No, he wasn’t actually pretty cool. He was actually pretty disabled – and that was the main reason why Micah was suddenly 'getting along' with him. Sure, maybe she had evolved, they all had. But that didn't change what this was about: Micah wasn't able to dislike him anymore, because of the wheelchair. Because a disabled person couldn't be disliked.

Seth sighed silently. He could have felt insulted right now if he'd wanted to. But it would have just been wasted energy. Besides, Kay was insulted enough for both of them – she looked absolutely horrified.

"God, that was so embarrassing," she groaned, as soon as they were sitting in the van and driving away from Micah's house. "I swear if I’d known she'd be like that –"

"It wasn’t that bad." Seth gave her an appeasing smirk.

"Yes it was," she muttered irritably. "I don't know what got into her! I've never seen her act like that."

He shrugged. "You can never know how people will react to this," he pointed his chin down at his own body. "Some have preconceived notions or get overwhelmed. And I mean… she was very nice."

Kay gave him a deadpan look. "Exactly, that's the problem. She was nice! Have you met Micah?"

He grinned at her. "Just give her some time. After a few meetings, she'll probably realize I'm still a normal person and perfectly dislikable."

Kay was shaking her head at him. "You are unbelievable, you know that?"

"Thanks, I try my best."

She snorted, fingering her ponytail. "Do you ever get angry at anyone at all?"

He lent her a gentle smile. "It takes more than some well-meaning ableism to get me angry. I would be angry all day every day otherwise."

"Good thing you've got me," Kay smirked. "Because somebody's gotta do the angry thing."

He laughed. "Just don't waste too much of your energy on it. It'd be a shame."

"That's what you are here for, to keep me in check. We balance each other out."

Seth smiled. "That we do."