Third Wheel - Chapter 1

The first time he heard the noise coming from the other side of the wall, Ethan thought his roommate must have had a terrible accident. He lay frozen in bed for a split second, heart hammering as he listened in shock, before throwing the heavy comforter aside. The cold stung with the contrast to the warmth of the bed as Ethan‘s body was suddenly exposed to fresh air, but he pushed himself upright and hurried into the hallway. No doubt Jared needed his help.

The absolute darkness after the half-dimness of his room was a bit of a shock, and blinking wildly, Ethan reached with his left hand for the rough surface of the wall to guide himself. Without the stability of his brace, his gait was more of a hobble, and he leaned into the wall with every other step, trusting it to keep him upright if his bare feet slipped on the smooth floor. Jared’s pained groans only grew louder as Ethan approached the neighboring room, his heart squeezing in his chest with worry. His left hand was already hovering over the door handle, trembling almost as much as his right, when from inside, a second, deeper voice joined Jared's, moaning rather unmistakably.

Ethan froze, his heart pounding in his throat as if it wanted to climb out of it. It suddenly dawned on Ethan what this was about.

No accident, no. And Jared wasn't in pain—not the unwelcome kind, anyway.

How stupid to think that his roommate might have an accident in his room in the middle of the night, when something else was much more likely! With his face burning from shame, Ethan quietly pushed off the door and turned around, about to make his way back to his room as silently and as quickly as possible. They couldn't find him out here, listening like some creep! What would they think?

The cold had seeped into Ethan's muscles and bones by now, rendering his movements even stiffer than before. With his right side to the wall, Ethan staggered and stumbled a few times on his way back, his weak hand gliding against the cold surface, failing to provide the stability he required. Meanwhile, the muffled sounds from Jared's room only grew louder and more uninhibited, and it sounded as if Ethan could fall right in front of Jared's door without anyone noticing.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Why had he even worried? Of course Jared was fine—very fine judging by the sounds, in fact. Unlike Ethan, he seemed to be enjoying this night to the fullest.

While Ethan hobbled through the dark hallway, aiming to return to his warm bed as quickly as possible, burning desire and, yes, jealousy ate at him. Jared wasn't typically much of Ethan's type with his smaller, scrawny stature, short, spiky blond hair, and bubbly attitude. A squirrel on speed. Ethan usually preferred big, silent guys. But Jared… Jared lit up something inside him. The little guy had wormed his way into Ethan's heart when he moved into the shared apartment a few months ago, and nothing Ethan tried managed to get him out.

Ethan had reached his open bedroom door and stood leaning against the wall for a few seconds, his chest rising and falling heavily. His forearm and the outer edge of his right hand burned where he had scraped the skin on the rough wall surface.

Maybe it was the fact that it had been quite some time since anyone elicited those sounds from him that made Ethan wish he could be with Jared in this moment. Perhaps he was so sexually frustrated that Jared's muffled moaning immediately turned him on. Or it was that Jared was just a funny, decidedly partly crazy but overall very likable person that he simply enjoyed being around and wanted more of.

Probably all of the above.

Moving slowly and deliberately, Ethan reached his own room again and slipped inside. He carefully closed the door, only partly muffling the two men's noises of pleasure. The mattress protested with a creak as Ethan dropped down on it and scooted back to maneuver his right leg up as well. He threw the comforter over himself and leaned back on his left elbow. It was late—the tiny display of his alarm clock showed 2 a.m.—and he knew he needed to get some rest. But with the obvious sounds of pleasure from Jared and the other guy, it seemed impossible to go to sleep now. Ethan lay back onto his pillow and draped his forearm over his closed eyes, trying to think of something else.

Without much success.

At least it seemed as if his roommate was enjoying himself. The panting of the two men and the creaking of the bedframe accelerated steadily and got louder by the minute. At one point, Jared's moans morphed into a sort of quick succession of little whines, which caused Ethan to press his forearm more firmly on his eyes to suppress the rising images and bite his lips so hard that he tasted blood. A deeper voice murmured something encouraging, and moments later Jared cried out with a desperate, shuddering climax, followed closely by a drawn-out grunt from the other guy.

A bit dizzy, Ethan listened as tired but definitely satisfied voices started up on the other side of the wall. The bed creaked softly a few times, and a picture started to form in Ethan's mind, hard to fight off: Jared cuddling in the arms of his lover, being told warm words of praise whispered into his ear. Both of them sweaty, breathless, smiling contentedly, drifting into sleep while wrapped around each other.

Being lonely had never hurt that fucking much.

Moonlight managed to creep through the slats of the blinds that Ethan never drew shut entirely, casting ghastly shadows against the walls. Ethan draped the covers tighter around himself as he stared into the dimly lit room, the silence of the empty room weighing heavily on his chest. His right arm and right leg still tingled from the hallway's cold, his scraped skin burned, and the muscles ached from the aftermath of sudden exertion.

What was Jared's boyfriend like? Ethan had never met him; actually, he had so far assumed there was no boyfriend at all. Maybe there really wasn't one—Jared would definitely be the type for a spontaneous one-night stand.

Ethan couldn't say what he would give to be touched like he pictured Jared had been touched. He longed to be able to understand the words that were murmured on the other side of the wall, have them whispered to him while he drifted off into sleep, held by strong arms. For weeks, Ethan had secretly wished to be as close to Jared as his lover was, but all that was left to him now was listening to the voices from the other side of the wall and trying not to be consumed by jealousy.

Why did Ethan always have to chase those he could never get? He did this constantly, falling for guys who had no interest in him or couldn't get involved with him for various reasons. One look in the mirror should have been enough for anyone half intelligent to realize Ethan needed to lower his expectations to rock bottom. Or better yet: below it. He was not really attractive and never would be. But... Even if he no longer wanted to dream of unattainable fruits, that didn't mean he could prevent it.

Ethan moved his legs under the cover, tried to find a better position, and ground his teeth when the muscles in his right leg stiffened and began to tremble slightly with the change in position. He told himself to relax, leaned back into the pillow, and closed his eyes against the moonlight.

What did Jared's partner look like? Part of Ethan desperately wanted to know what the guy looked like who could make Jared so ecstatic, and another part never wanted to meet him because he could only imagine him as absurdly gorgeous. Ethan would never be serious competition compared to him, he sensed, because Ethan was no competition to most people.

With a small sigh, Ethan closed his eyes and, trying to ignore the half-hardness between his legs, begged for sleep to come quickly.

***

The door to Ethan's room flew open with a bang.

"Ethan-boy! A new day’s dawning and there’s—well, uh—kind of a mix of rain and snow outside, but never mind because behind those clouds is the sun! I mean, I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be somewhere there… By the way, don’t you have class?"

Ethan groaned an unintelligible response, rolled halfway onto his right side, and pulled the comforter over his head. Jared was disgustingly cheerful in the morning. Actually, he was a menace all day long, even coming home from night shift. Today, apparently, was a day-shift day.

Jared's voice sounded from farther away, probably somewhere near the bathroom now. "It's almost seven and I'm leaving, buddy, so get your nicely shaped ass out of bed or you'll be late."

Almost seven, really? Ethan pushed himself into half-sitting, one eye squinting at his alarm. Yep, he had indeed snoozed the alarm for an hour again. Damn.

Jared's quick footsteps advanced and stopped short in front of the now-open door to Ethan's room. "I'm going to be late tonight and just want to give you a quick heads-up that we're out of milk in case you were going to buy something anyway. Just in case you were—it's no problem if you don't."

Ethan frowned. Out of milk already? Hadn't he been grocery shopping just yesterday?

"Why is there no milk, Jared?" Ethan called as he sat up fully, voice still scratchy from sleep.

But Jared had already turned to go and didn't react. "And if you are going, it would be awesome if you could bring those green marzipan rolls from the Dutch bakery, but not the ones with the rum because I hate those," he yelled as he scurried down the corridor. "I'll pay you back!"

As if. Ethan already knew he’d buy the groceries and the rolls, and Jared knew it too.

"Oh, and I promised Mrs. Harris I'd feed her cat over the weekend, so..."

Ethan saw Jared hop through the opening in the door, one foot in one boot while the other was still naked, fiddling with his jacket at the same time, his blond hair already spiked up.

Clearing his throat, Ethan called out louder: "Jared!"

"Since you know I'm not exactly a cat person—I mean I like cats alright, but dogs are much better—and I'm also the least reliable human being on earth, I thought maybe you could remember to feed that beast or maybe even do it? Just because I think you would really enjoy it, not because I don't want to do it. If you don't want to, I can do it, no problem really, I just thought—"

Jared had appeared inside the open door, straightening his jacket, both boots where they belonged now.

"Hearing aids," Ethan cut in, accompanying the word with the sign, left-handed.

"Ah." Jared answered with a smile and a thumbs-up and turned around again, disappearing around the corner.

Ethan dropped back onto the bed, ready to close his eyes—

"Also I made pancakes, so if you're quick they might still be warm.”

Pancakes! Well, that explained the lack of milk.

"I love you," Ethan murmured into the void of the empty room. His roommate was terribly annoying, especially in the morning, but Jared was also an incredible cook.

After a few moments of listening to Jared rumbling around outside, Ethan decided to attempt getting up and shoved his right leg out of bed, gritting his teeth as his naked feet connected with the icy floor and his right leg started trembling almost immediately. A faint twinge shot through his ankle as he put some weight on it, and the toes cramped, muscles exceptionally stiff on this early and cold morning.

"I heard that!" Jared said, beaming. He was standing in the doorframe again and fiddling with his right hearing aid. The left was already in, blue color glinting behind his ear.

Ethan froze, but Jared winked at him and chuckled before he left again.

Ethan sighed but stood, his right foot turning in. He slowly eased his right knee to straighten, but it wouldn't go very far, which was not unusual.

Jared's voice sounded from the main entrance. "So, see you maybe tonight, Ethan, or not. I said I would be late, didn't I? Anyway, don't wait up for me. Have a good day!"

"Jared, wait!" Ethan hobbled to the door leading out of his room, his right arm contracting painfully at his side. Damn, he needed to stretch. And where had he left the brace again?

Outside, Ethan leaned against the wall, shifted his weight to his left side, and waved to get Jared's attention. His roommate was in the process of exiting their shared apartment, cute knitted beanie pulled almost down to his eyebrows, hands in purple mittens arranging the strap of his bag over his shoulders.

"How was it yesterday?" Ethan asked, lips twitching into a grin. Yes, he couldn't let this slide, even though the thought alone made his cheeks heat up.

Jared looked up from his bag, frowning slightly as he always did when he hadn't caught something. "Pardon?"

"Yesterday," Ethan repeated. "Your date?"

Jared laughed. "Ah yes... you mean Tyler!"

Ethan rubbed at his right elbow, then tucked the sleeve farther down. "Tyler, huh?"

Jared flushed a bit, his freckles standing out more, and scratched the back of his head under the beanie. "Yeah..."

"Anything serious?" Ethan had managed to make it sound casual, at least he hoped so, his fingers digging into the hoodie's soft material around his right arm.

"Uh-huh... He's my boyfriend of some sorts." Jared smiled and blinked at Ethan as if in apology.

"Yeah?" The corridor was dimming around Ethan a bit. It was exactly as he had feared. Of course.

Jared shrugged, pulling the zipper on his jacket up. "We've been on and off for years. More off, I guess. He's abroad often, but now he's in town for at least a year. Can you imagine that?"

Oh yes, unfortunately Ethan could. A year! He could kick himself for not having made a move on his roommate earlier. Pathetic coward, really. Just thinking how many hours he had spent pining after Jared, thinking of his cute smile, his narrow hips... If he had managed to approach him, maybe then he would be the one on the other side of the wall. But no...

Ethan managed to reciprocate Jared's smile before the other could get suspicious. "Well, that's so great! Good for you."

And bad for him. Da-dum! Game over, Ethan.

"Yep, we have an awesome time ahead," Jared rubbed his mittens against each other and jumped a bit on the spot. "Geez, I'm so excited about all that!"

"I could hardly tell last night," Ethan deadpanned.

Jared flushed a bit redder. "Oh, you... Oh!"

Ethan chuckled at Jared's sheepish expression.

Jared bit his lower lip. "I'm sorry. We'll try to, uh... we'll try to keep it down?" He didn't look like he found himself convincing though.

Ethan attempted an indifferent shrug, shifting awkwardly against the wall. "No problem, buddy. I'm happy for you. And I'm a tight sleeper anyway."

Only that wasn't true at all.

Ethan watched Jared wave goodbye and then slip out, the door falling shut behind him. He sighed and slowly made his way into the kitchen like every morning, his naked feet shuffling on the smooth floor. His bleeding heart mended a bit at the sight of a stack of pancakes, salted butter, and maple syrup on the counter.

Well, there was only one true way to deal with heartbreak, Ethan thought as he let himself down at the table and pulled the plate closer with his left hand.

He could forget Jared and his ominous boyfriend when savoring delicious pancakes.

At least for a while.

Oh, and yes, he did indeed have classes this morning. So maybe he should hurry if he wanted to finish them all.

Life was just not fair.

Let me know if you want me to expand this story!