Not Gay - Chapter 19

Jay’s car barely stays on track in the last turn but then all that’s left is the homestretch to the finish line and he pushes the button on the control down so hard that his fingertip starts hurting. His triumphant cry dies in his throat as Chris’ car hurdles past him and over the finish line, only a split second before Jay would have won the game.

“Noooo!” Jay throws the controller on the table as he jumps up from the couch, staring in disbelieve at Chris’ character on the screen who is doing a little dance with joy over having won yet another race.

Chris chuckles and places his controller on the seating next to him. “Third time in a row, man. You really aren’t at the top of your game,” he teases Jay, grinning, and empties his beer bottle.

“Gotta piss,” Jay murmurs and leaves the room.

Darren is on a business trip and Jay occupies his time playing video games with Chris. The longer the evening goes however, the more Jay thinks they should have kept at drinking without gaming. Or porn. Because Jay is losing one round of car race after the other, and it’s starting to become unsettling.

Could it be that he’s out of practice, from all that dancing lessons that he took in preparation of the upcoming finals? Or is it just the fact that he spends every other minute of free time with Darren, lately?

Probably both, if Jay is truthful.

“Another go?” Chris asks as Jay returns from his trip to the bathroom. At least Chris isn’t gloating anymore, he is fully concentrated on rolling another joint.

“You bet!” Jay grins and puts one of the full beers that he picked up on his way through the kitchen down on the coffee table, between cigarette papers and empty bottles. He cradles the other in his hands, rubbing a thumb over an upturned edge.

Chris has finished his joint and lights the tip, tentatively pulling at it. He offers it to Jay who accepts, then they both lean back on the couch, quiet for a while, the joint trading back and forth, before they pick up the controllers again.

Jay wins the next round, all through sheer luck, and they play a few more rounds before they run out of beer again. This time Chris gets up to get more.

“I’m dating Darren,” Jay says just as Chris reenters the living room.

He doesn’t know why he says it, or if he just realized that it’s true. He may have.

Chris nods and flops down, passing Jay a full beer bottle. “Cool,” he says, and drinks. “Are you up for another round of me crushing you?” he asks then, and thrums his controller onto his thighs.

And that’s all they talk about it.

One day later Jay lies in bed and stares at the ceiling. That evening he ate a healthy take-out dinner (or the best version of it that Jay could find), watched television for a few minutes, proceeded to clean the kitchen and, because he was already on it, the living room. When he had to admit to himself that the living room had already been clean before he started cleaning it, he set the vacuum aside, tried television again, before showering and brushing his teeth. Not feeling tired at all but also not knowing what else to do, he had slipped under the covers, shivering a little. Lately he had to turn on the heating because the nights have started to become colder as winter is closing in.

“Jay.”

“Hi Darren.” Jay dialed Darren’s number because it was already in the caller’s list. He isn’t sure Darren is already home from his business trip, but the fact that he answered gives Jay hope.

“Nervous?”

Jay swallows. “Jup.”

“You’ll do great.”

“Uh huh.”

“I’ll be there.”

The prospect is not exactly helping to calm Jay down, he notices. “What if I mess up?” he blurts out. It’s easier to say this now, when he can’t see Darren. “What if I forget everything, or I slip and fall or… or holy shit, what if I let Khristina fall! Darren, what then? We will lose and Khristina will kill me and everyone else will hate me and it will be the worst—”

“Jay.”

Jay closes his mouth and rubs his palm over his temples, groaning slightly. Finals are tomorrow and Jay, who hadn’t felt nervous about dancing in all the time he can remember, is suddenly paralyzed with fear. He picked up dancing for fun, he never treated it seriously, and he simply shouldn’t be in a competition at all. He isn’t ready! His hand around the mobile phone starts sweating and he feels sick to his stomach.

“Jay?”

It’s like Darren’s deep rumble provokes another outburst. “I know I’ll mess up, I’m shit at this, I should have listened to Khristina, worked harder—”

“You worked your ass off, Jay.”

“I’m not a dancer, never was, I smoke too much, eat too much shit. I’m useless at everything. What did I even think, I’d rather—”

“You aren’t—”

But Jay isn’t listening, rambling about how he didn’t deserve to be part of the team in the first place and it’s only when Darren growls at him to shut up that he stops.

“Are you listening now?” Darren’s angry voice is sharp, despite the drawl.

Jay freezes and bites on his lips. He messed up with Darren, too, unloading all his fear and anxiety onto him. No wonder he’s pissed off, he probably has better things to do than deal with shit like that.

“Listen, I can’t talk right now,” Darren says, sounding annoyed, though this time Jay isn’t sure it’s directed at him. “I’ll send you a link and I’ll be home in an hour. See you then.”

Jay stares at his mobile phone after Darren hang up, his mind racing. Is this good or bad? Then a beep rips him from his thoughts and he opens the link Darren send him.

It’s instructions on how to finger fuck himself.

Jay jumps off his bed, carding his fingers through his hair, and trudges into the bathroom to splash some water into his face. Then he goes back to skim through the page. It has drawings on positions and detailed descriptions of all steps. He isn’t sure he can deal with this now, on top of everything, when his phone beeps again, indicating he got another message from Darren.

I’m hard. Expecting you ready in 54 minutes. Set up a video call.

His heartbeat doubling, Jay sits up in bed and reads through the entire page without looking up once. Then he leaves the bedroom to take a shower, again. He collects lube and props his laptop on a chair next to his bed so that the camera captures most of him when he’s lying on the mattress. He dims the lights and lies down, scrolling through the instructions again just to be sure, although he has memorized them already during the first time.

His resolution fading, Jay plays with the bottle of lube in his hands, when his phone beeps again.

Want to see you on your finger in 18 minutes.

Jay’s cock twitches and he whimpers. With urgent fingers he unscrews the cap of the bottle and squirts a very healthy amount into his hand and onto his fingers. He isn’t sure how to proceed but he does so anyway, angling his arm behind his back and swiping his finger around his hole, undecided. His cock is begging to be touched.

Don’t even think about it.

It’s as if Darren can read his mind. With a gasp, Jay pushes one fingertip inside himself and refrains from touching his cock. When that doesn’t feel too bad, he presses further and gasps again.

Shit, that burns.

Sitting up again, his cock deflating, Jay wants to close the laptop and call it a night. He should get sleep for tomorrow, anyway.

Almost there. Can’t wait to see you. Don’t finish without me.

Jay pictures Darren in his mind, in one of the large wheelchair-accessible taxis that Jay saw once or twice in the city, impatiently crawling along the dark streets. He wraps his slicked-up finger around his cock and gives himself a few tucks until desire kindles in the pit of his stomach again. He doesn’t want to disappoint Darren.

This time his finger slips deeper, though it still hurts a little. He leaves it there and slowly strokes his cock with the other hand, just keeping himself interested. The burning sensation fades a little, but it’s still uncomfortable. It’s almost a relief when the incoming video call allows Jay to uncurl and answer.

Darren’s video remains black but his voice rumbles over the speakers, slightly pressed with desire already. “Hey.”

The tips of Jay’s ears heat a little as he becomes aware of his nakedness in front of the screen, and the visible sheen of sweat on his body. “Hi…” he masters, curling his feet under and rubbing his knees absentmindedly.

“Don’t hide from me. Show me,” Darren says, with such sureness in his voice that Jay almost starts crying.

“I’m… I… I didn’t…” Jay is overwhelmed with even formulating what went wrong. He finds the idea of a finger – even his own – up his ass quite hot, and at the same time he can’t stop thinking that it’s somehow wrong. Worst is the feeling of having disappointed Darren though, because there’s nothing that Jay wants more desperately than making Darren happy.

Darren’s screen flickers on and first it captures only a vacant corner of Darren’s room until Darren manages to nudge the camera and bring himself into focus. Jay can only see Darren’s face, watching him with some concern. “Shit, sorry Jay,” Darren says, somewhat sheepishly, “I didn’t mean to... That was not my intention.”

A laugh bubbles up Jay’s throat that somehow gets out as a sob. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he babbles and doesn’t care that actual tears are running down his cheeks now.

Darren’s eyes widen, though his voice stays calm. “My mistake, Jay, you hear me? I…” His head wiggles around and he grimaces. “Too much pressure, understood,” Darren mumbles, words slurring even more, then closes his eyes for a brief second. “Um… You’ve done nothing wrong, okay? This takes time, it always does. Let’s…” He stops with his lips pressed together and the lines of pain edged deeply around his eyes.

Despite the tears still ruining his view, Jay registers that Darren is tired and worn out. No wonder, he’s been travelling all day probably.

“Let’s forget the link I sent you, okay? Just…” Darren’s head turns on the headrest. “Just watch me, alright? I’ll…” Darren’s shoulders sag a little and he huffs frustrated. “I’ll need to lie down, okay? I’ve been sitting for much too long today. I’m sorry, this may take some time.”

There’s the familiar tug behind Jay’s navel as Darren aligns the wheelchair with his bed, further away from the camera now so that Jay is granted full view of Darren in dark dress pants and a light blue button up shirt. He can tell that Darren isn’t putting on a show as he struggles to get up, leaning forward with one hand tightly fisted into the sheets. After a few fruitless trials, Darren manages to lift off a little and turns until his butt slides onto the mattress. He keeps sitting hunched over for a while, swaying on the edge of the bed with his legs slightly jerking underneath him and catches his breath. Then he resumes his track and pushes back until his stiff legs are somewhat stretched out in front of him and he can lean against the pillows in his back. The lines in his face look like carved into stone and his chest heaves with heavy breaths.

Jay can tell Darren isn’t going to speak anytime soon, but when he starts to open his mouth to say something – anything really, Darren grunts and shakes his head. The heat in Jay’s groins is almost unbearable. He shifts to change position and his cock drags over the sheet, which causes a moan to escape him.

Darren’s lips twitch. “Enjoying this, are you?” His tone is slightly bitter, but his eyes are kind. He reaches over to the chest of drawers at the left side of his bed. The drawer is almost out of his reach and he grunts with the effort of opening it. There’s the vibrator that Jay has seen before, a stick with buttons on one end and a ball on the other.

Jay licks his lips and wishes he could touch himself as Darren sits up a little straighter and works on opening the button and fly of his pants. He roughly pulls his underwear down with his left hand until his half-hard cock jumps out. He tucks at it weakly, looking up at Jay. “I can see you have been good,” he says, a small smile softening his features.

Jay positively mewls, his hands at his side and his cock releasing a pool of precome onto the sheet under him.

“Let me see.”

With a released gasp, Jay grabs his own cock and gives himself a few quick strokes before noticing the lube has dried on his fingers. In a rush, he splurts another healthy amount into his hand, and moans at the sensation when he returns it to his cock.

This he can do.

“Go on.” Darren switches the vibrator on and moves the vibrating ball to his slowly growing cock. He closes his eyes for a moment, resting his head against the backrest of his bed. When he opens them again, they are directed at Jay who still can’t stop making noises. “Desperate, huh?”

Geez, yes. Jay doesn’t answer, instead moves his hand in a blur, his breath ragged, this time not trying to heed Darren’s usual advice to take it slow.

Darren’s cock is rivaling Jay’s in hardness now, and his muscles are tensing up visibly. His left leg almost kicks the vibrator out of his hand and he switches to fix it against his thigh with his underarm, the vibrating ball pressed against the underside of his cock. He’s still watching Jay from under half-lidded eyes, his jaw locked with spasms.

“Darren?” Jay presses out as he gets close. He looks at Darren on the laptop’s screen, who has slid down the pillow a little, body jerking slightly, the vibrator still doing its work. Is he close? He can’t tell. Jay’s back is starting to hurt from the unusual position on the bed with his legs spread out, and he moves to kneeling, his hips thrusting into his fist. He cries out at the doubled sensation of pleasure, angling himself subconsciously so that Darren can see him.

“Gonna… gonna come,” Jay warns Darren and watches the other’s scowling, concentrated face. Darren makes a humming noise from between clenched teeth, which sounds so much of approval and lust that it pushes Jay over the edge. He stutters into his hand, come spurting over his fingers.

“Don’t stop.”

Jay isn’t sure he understood Darren’s massively slurred, botched-up words, but he continues jerking himself through his release, until every drop has been milked. He lifts his head and sinks back onto his heels, but Darren gives a grunt as Jay starts to move his hands away.

“Don’t.”

Jay’s cock gets oversensitive, he flinches as he touches himself again but goes through with it nevertheless. Darren’s arm slips from the vibrator and Jay’s heart sets out for a second, but then Darren convinces his stiff arm to return to it, his gaze still fixed onto Jay. Darren’s grunts get louder, his heels dig into the mattress, and his head cranks up a little with spasms.

“Fuck.” Jay’s reluctantly hardening cock burns and he returns to his knees and one hand, working himself obligingly. “Fuck, Darren, that hurts like shit….”

Darren stiffens, his face contorting with a grimace, and his cock wedged between stomach and vibrator releases spurts of come, while Darren grunts through the orgasm, his body jerking violently. Jay’s cock trembles at the sight and a small bead of come drops from its tip, coming dry. Before he collapses into the sheets, he thinks that this is what Darren would look like if he fucked him.

“You’ll do great tomorrow,” Darren says, his slow but sure voice drifting into Jay’s consciousness.

Jay lifts his head and squints at the screen, blinking to focus. How long has he been out for? Darren’s four limbs are splayed out on the bed, the vibrator is turned off but still lying next to his thigh. He has cleaned himself, the tissues are bunched up on the mattress, but he hasn’t clothed up all the way.

“Go to sleep now, Jay.”

There’s a warm glowing sensation in Jay’s stomach and after cleaning up, very roughly because he’ll have to shower tomorrow morning anyway and also because his arm feels like jelly, he pulls the covers over himself and is soundly asleep within seconds.

 

 

-> Chapter 20