Monday, August 30, 2021

Not Gay - Chapter 20

Everyone is trying to hug at the same time: the dancers in Jay’s team, friends and family of the dancers, managers of the club, and random visitors. With the blaring music in his ears and the weight of the medal pressing against his sweaty shirt, Jay manages to free himself from the crowd and jogs to the far side of the dance floor. Without hesitation he vaults lightly over the low barrier separating audience and dancers, and almost barrels right into Darren who parks in the designated wheelchair space in the front row, effectively trapped between barrier and tightly packed audience behind him. Darren’s smile makes way only shortly for a mildly surprised expression as Jay throws himself at him without a second thought about onlookers.

“Um…” Darren’s chuckle rumbles deep in his chest as they separate from kissing for a moment. “Not that I don’t approve of this, but… didn’t you just…” It’s not spasms that make Darren hesitate and Jay smiles, recognizing Darren is trying to spare his feelings. “Didn’t you… uh, lose, sort of?”

Jay bursts out a laugh, nods, and hops off Darren’s lap. “You’re right. Second place isn’t the same as winning. Is that what you mean?” He fiddles with the silver medal around his neck and holds it up to look at it properly for the first time. It has a man and woman in dance pose engraved on it, their wide smiles mirroring Jay’s. A joyful giddiness expands his chest as he looks at it. Never would he have dreamed to accomplish such a thing, not in any way. It doesn’t matter that it’s only a silver medal. It means he finally saw something through to the end, and successful as well.

Darren tries shrugging in an attempt to get Jay to kiss him again, when someone bearhugs Jay from behind.

“You were amaaazing! We were amazing! Holy shit, that was awesome!”

For a while, Jay tolerates the shower of praises, kisses and cuddling, before escaping by holding his hands up and stumbling to the side. “I knew I’d be amazing, Khristina,” he protests, grinning at the tall woman with the white blond hair in a tight knot. Like the other women in the dancing team she wears a glittery dress that barely seems to cover the essential parts. Only this close up Darren can see that some parts of it are actually skin-colored fabric instead of naked skin.

Khristina rolls her icy blue eyes. “And you were. Amazing, that is.”

Jay pretends to pout. “Don’t sound so surprised.”

“I’m not surprised, hon. My dancing partners always are extraordinary. That’s how I choose them,” Khristina retorts, laughing again, her silver eyelashes sharply outlined against the darker makeup on her cheeks. She hugs Jay again and then holds him at arm’s length to look him in the eyes. “This was really good. Really. We couldn’t have done better. None of us. I don’t think the entire team has ever done better in any training session!”

Jay nods because it’s definitely true and the reason everyone is so elated. Yes, they didn’t win first place. But they delivered a great show and, in the end, the other team was just a little better. That’s all.

“You weren’t bad either, of course,” he admits to Khristina, grinning wickedly.

“Thanks for acknowledging my not so insignificant part in this,” Khristina quips. “So…” Her eyes become focused all of a sudden.

If Darren had hoped to escape Khristina’s attention, it has definitely been in vain. With one arm Khristina traps Jay at her side, and turns to Darren in the wheelchair. “Well… if I’m not entirely mistaken here is the reason Jay couldn’t stop smiling for months!”

Jay blushes and sputters but Darren doesn’t seem fazed. He squarely looks Khristina up and down, then states: “I’m Darren.”

Khristina chuckles. Jay doesn’t know why she doesn’t seem bothered by the wheelchair or Darren’s somewhat slow speech. She extends a hand to Darren. “Nice to finally meet you.”

With a blank expression Darren considers Khristina’s outstretched hand for a few seconds and shortly before Jay expects Khristina to retrieve her hand again, he heaves a sigh and lifts his left arm. His hand doesn’t reach far enough to grab Khristina’s but she lets go of Jay and steps forward, switching hands at the same time to shake with her left.

“I hope you are all up for a party!” Khristina whoops then.

Darren’s eyes meet Jay’s and they are spared a response when a woman with shoulder-long dark hair and long bangs appears out of nowhere and throws herself at Khristina without preamble.

“Still jealous?” Jay whispers into Darren’s ear as the two women continue to make out without sparing them another glance.

Darren seizes the opportunity to pull Jay down to him again. “No,” he murmurs, his beard scraping against Jay’s cheek before he lands a kiss. “Not when you are right here.”

Goosebumps raise on Jay’s forearms, despite the sweat still clinging to it. Darren’s hold isn’t strong but it has undeniable authority.

“Well… and still. Look at you. You never dress like this for me,” Darren complains in a low voice, his eyes moving down to Jay’s chest, visible through the low cut of his shirt.

Jay isn’t sure he’s mocking him or being serious.

“And I didn’t know your eyes were this blue…”

Jay feels himself blushing again under Darren’s scrutiny and he’s grateful for the makeup concealing it. “Khristina did the eyeshadow,” he mumbles. “And I should really go changing now—”

Darren’s left knuckle grazes Jay’s collarbone and then his fingers reluctantly splay on Jay’s naked chest, right above the medal. Jay feels the quiver of Darren’s hand and an answering shiver runs down his body.

“Too bad…” Darren murmurs. “Are you sure you really don’t have a minute? Or five?”

Jay gulps. “Um… maybe I could—” he starts, but Khristina seizes his arm and pulls him up again.

“Time to shower, dancing prince,” she mocks him as she herds Jay away from Darren. “Or we’ll be late for dinner.” To Darren she adds: “You’ll have him back in no time, and good as new, don’t worry.” She winks. “We all meet in front of the hall in 20 minutes. Partners are invited.”

Jay doesn’t have time to look back at Darren before they disappear in the crowd.

Despite Jay’s best attempts he doesn’t manage to save much of Khristina’s makeup in the shower. When he has finished toweling off, all that’s left are black smudges under his eyes. He uses a corner of his towel to clean it off, leaving only a hint of mascara on his lashes.

“Need some powder? Your nose seems a little shiny,” a fellow dancer, Rhys, remarks matter-of-factly as Jay passes him on the way to his locker.

Jay eyes the equipment the other has placed on the shelf below the mirrors. He’s sure Rhys wouldn’t go buy milk without makeup. “Um…” Jay scrutinizes himself in the mirror again. He can’t see any particularly shiny spots in his face. “I’m not sure. Is it?”

“Honey, come here.”

Rhys squints his eyes in concentration and makes quick work of Jay’s nose and his cheeks, using a soft brush that tickles a little.

“There you go.”

Jay doesn’t see a difference as he looks into the mirror again, but he thanks Rhys anyway.


It seems rude to refuse Rhys now, so Jay just shrugs and lets Rhys apply some purple shimmer to his eyelids.

They all meet outside at the arranged time. There’s some cordially hand shaking with the winning team before the winners leave in their tour bus, a swarm of honking cars following them. A large number of people still hang around outside the hall where the competition took place, dancers from other teams, their families and friends, and for the first time Jay is glad Darren is easy to spot in a crowd. There’s always some extra space around his wheelchair, as if people take a step back as soon es they notice him.

“Am I your partner now, huh?” Darren asks as Jay steps in front of him, his eyebrows raised.

Jay’s face heats. Shit. He never once stopped to think if Darren considers them to be dating, too. But what are they then? Fuck buddies? He cringes. Undeniably, there was a time when the physical aspect in their relationship dominated, but so much has changed since then. Darren has been such a constant in Jay’s life during the last months that he can’t think of a time without him. And Darren came to Jay’s dancing tournament, didn’t he? Jay had thought himself slow to catch on and realize that they had been dating all along. But had they? They are still mostly jacking each other off, aren’t they…?

Darren chuckles. Cold sweat starts to collect on Jay’s forehead. He isn’t sure just how much of his thoughts he verbalized by accident, and how much of it was written in his face. Darren definitely watches Jay amused now, though his jaw stays locked, which gives him a menacing look.

“I… uh… I didn’t… I wasn’t—” Jay stammers, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He’s back in jeans, wearing a jacket over a light long-sleeve shirt. “That’s…” Jay curses his inability to come up with a casual response. He sighs. “Don’t pay much attention to Khristina, you know. She likes to tease people. I never… She—”

“I like it. Partners.”

Jay gapes at Darren’s back as the little group of Jay’s dancing team decides this moment to detach from the crowd and walk down the street to a restaurant where they will celebrate. Darren is following them, his left hand gripping the enlarged joystick. It takes Jay a few seconds to gather his wits and jog until he sidles up with Darren again. He clears his throat but with no better idea what to say, he opts for talking in length and detail about the dancing finals, until his heart beats normally again.

Khristina and her girlfriend walk arm in arm in front of Jay and Darren. The smaller woman fits under Khristina’s shoulder as if someone had measured their proportions. Not for the first time Jay is reminded that he and Khristina form an unconventional pair of dancers, with him being in fact a little smaller than the tall Khristina, especially in her high heels.

As Jay observes the two women walking in front of them he wonders what it would be like to hold Darren’s hand. Darren’s left is busy steering the wheelchair but the right is slightly curled on the armrest. If Jay moved a little closer, he could place his hand on top of Darren’s—



Without really intending to, Jay had drifted closer to Darren and as the other steered the wheelchair around a trash can placed halfway on the walkway he almost crushed Jay’s toes. Jay saves his feet by diving to the side in the last second.

“Hey, Darren!” Khristina calls to them from ahead, head turned back around to them. “If you incapacitate our star, you’ll get a serious problem with me.”

“I’m really sorry,” Darren grumbles to no one in particular.

“Nah…” Jay mumbles. “It was my fault.” He stays clear of Darren’s wheelchair for the rest of the way.

Not much later they arrive at the venue, a small restaurant just two streets down from the hall where the finals took place, that Khristina reserved for the entire team months ahead, in what Jay at that time thought was an overly optimistic attitude. As one of the last ones arriving, Jay and Darren immediately queue in behind Khristina and her girlfriend, Olha as it turns out. When they slowly advance the buffet that is already stacked with steaming food, Jay notices the stares. It takes him a while to realize they aren’t meant for him. Despite the fact that Jay always communicated his straightness openly, no one seems to be surprised that he’s now in the company of a man. Maybe it’s because sexual orientation is anyways so multi-faceted in the team that such a switch doesn’t attract attention or because of tact, Jay isn’t sure. He knows he’s simply glad he isn’t going to have to discuss being straight/gay/bi/whatever tonight.

No, the stares are directed at Darren, who steers the wheelchair through the tight space with grim determination. Only Jay can see that the muscles in Darren’s neck aren’t tight from spasms. He got so used to being with Darren within their shared circle of acquaintances, where Darren’s disability isn’t a novelty, that he forgot what it’s like for Darren to enter new groups of people. He wishes his teammates would pick up on the obvious clues that they are making Darren uncomfortable, and on the other hand he knows he wouldn’t have acted any differently. Probably hasn’t the day he first met Darren, in fact. There isn’t judgement in their eyes, or pity, simply curiosity. But Jay isn’t sure Darren even reads it this way. He has his head turned away from the crowd, away from the stares while his eyebrows form a dangerous line.

“Plates.” Khristina shoves two plates onto Darren’s lap and one into Jay’s hands before he can apologize to Darren for dragging him here. “Olha is getting a table for us,” Khristina adds, apparently as explanation as to why Darren has to balance two plates on his knees.

As they move along the buffet, alternatingly filling all plates, people settle down to eat around them. Thankfully that means that once the three of them join Olha at their table, everyone seems to have ogled at Darren enough. Conversation is easy and Olha brings several rounds of shots to the table until Jay feels tipsy even before they’ve reached dessert. The heightened alcohol level makes Khristina’s already low barriers fall away entirely and soon she’s bombarding Darren with all kinds of inappropriate questions about Darren and Jay’s sex life. In theory she talks to Jay, too, but Jay pretends he’s very much absorbed into a discussion of movie locations with Olha. Anyway, all he listens to is Darren answering between bites with either ‘yes’, or ‘no’, or ‘too complicated to explain’, in a calm and amused manner that impresses Jay.

Khristina and Olha leave the table for a second round of dessert and Darren nods at Jay to follow him, jumpstarting the powerchair. Confused, Jay follows Darren out into the hallway and toward the toilets. He isn’t sure what this is about since Darren went to the bar to ask for the keys to the accessible toilets just thirty minutes ago. Surely, he can’t be about to pee again and even if, what does he need Jay for?

Darren stops the wheelchair in front of the closed door to the bathroom stall, retrieves a pair of keys from his jeans pocket and struggles so long to align the key with the keyhole that Jay finally takes it from him and opens the door. Maybe that’s why Darren asked him to be here. Suddenly, Jay feels a surge of anger at the person that would build a lock with tiny keys to a bathroom designed for people with mobility issues.

“What are you waiting for?”

Jay looks up at Darren who has steered the wheelchair inside the spacious room behind the door and turned around. One wheel is blocking the door from closing again and Darren watches Jay impatiently.


Darren nods briskly with his head and Jay takes that as a cue to follow him into the stall. The door closes behind them. Jay stares at the toilet with the bars installed to either side, and the bathroom sink that’s installed way too low. He did cut up a plastic bottle for Darren to pee inside once, and he poured the contents into the toilet. But he was even drunker than he is now and he definitely wasn’t present for the process of inserting contents itself. This is very much different. He isn’t sure he signed up to help Darren pee, but then he thinks maybe that’s what it means to be partners with Darren.

“Geez, Jay.”

Jay’s head swivels around to Darren, who is stilled parked with some considerable distance to the toilet seat. How is he going to transfer from there?

“I said,” Darren says slowly. Apparently, he had tried talking to Jay before but Jay hadn’t listened. “Khristina truly is terrible.”

Jay blinks. Oh. Immediately he feels sorry that he didn’t try to rescue Darren from Khristina’s prying questions. In his defense, Darren seemed to handle himself so very well…

“I mean…” Darren gestures and Jay’s eyes are slow to follow his movements. “She’s great and all. Bit talkative maybe. I really needed to get out of there this minute because…”

Jay’s eyes land on the bulge in Darren’s front and he finally catches on.

Oh. OH.

Darren doesn’t need help to pee.

Well, thank god.

And also…

Jay gulps and his cock twitches in response as he watches Darren try to open his fly. He goes from relieved to excited in no time, realizing that Darren’s spasms have cranked up due to arousal, which also explains why he failed to open the door. Jay pats closer and places a hand on Darren’s quivering left, slowly pushing it away. With growing determination, he straddles Darren, which isn’t entirely easy since there isn’t much space, but he finally makes do, balancing with his shins on the front edge of the wheelchair’s seat, looking down at Darren from that position.

Darren’s breath has sped up, his chest is heaving under Jay’s gaze. His right hand forms a fist at his side and his head is jerking a little, while his eyes stay up on Jay, hungry. He makes a noise like a groan and with a blow to his gut Jay recognizes it as a failed attempt at speaking.

Jay bites the insides of his cheeks. “Shh…” He places his hand on the bulge in Darren’s jeans, feeling the other’s hot cock pulsing through the fabric. As he slowly rubs circles above the head with his thumb, he watches, transfixed, as a wet spot spreads slowly under his fingertip. Darren’s legs tremble against Jay’s weight and he groans, for real this time, his head falling back a little, his eyes closing.

Jay adjusts his position in Darren’s lap. But instead of opening Darren’s pants, he follows a sudden impulse and opts for opening his own. Just a few strokes are enough to coax Jay’s cock into full hardness, while he looks down at Darren, who stares at him in disbelief.

Jay grins.

He can be that guy for a change.

Hell, he won a silver medal today. He can be anything.


Jay shakes his head and covers Darren’s mouth with his unoccupied hand. Darren’s eyes narrow, then darken with lust, staying fixed on Jay. Their ragged breaths fill the sterile room, making Jay heady as he nears orgasm with alarming speed, his hand moving dizzyingly, small moans escaping him.

When he’s on the brink of orgasm, Jay stops. Darren’s hand fidgets weakly, with what may seem to have no purpose. Jay can see in Darren’s eyes that the other knows just how close Jay is.

“Here…” Jay mutters, catching Darren’s left hand that is writhing in his lap aimlessly and helps curling Darren’s stiff fingers around his cock. Just the touch of Darren’s palm alone almost sends him over the edge and he has to count to ten and breathe through clenched teeth to prevent it from ending too soon. Darren’s hand is huge on Jay’s cock, Jay notices once more, with no jealousy at all.

Darren grunts something but Jay shuts him up with a shake of his head. “You are doing great,” he encourages – if he’s talking to Darren or himself he isn’t sure. Tentatively, Jay’s hips buck up into Darren’s quivering fist, his cock sliding through the loose grip, greased by precome. “Stay like this, only for a second…” Darren’s fingers twitch but his arm doesn’t jerk away as Jay lets go of his elbow, and Jay recognizes the rare opportunity for what it is and grabs Darren’s shoulders tightly. It only takes two or three real thrusts and he’s coming all over Darren’s fingers, digging his nails into the large guy’s shoulders, gasping as the force of orgasm punches through him.

“Fuuck…” Jay almost slips from the seat, scrambling for balance. His fingers tremble as he opens Darren’s pants and zipper, and Darren’s hard cock springs free. He feels Darren’s almost-scowl on himself as he slowly strokes Darren’s cock, and hears his gasp as he brings both their cocks together, slickening Darren up. Jay’s hands are used to pleasuring Darren by now, he moves in the right pace, twists a little at the head, grabs the base with the other. From time to time Jay stops, as if undecided, until Darren growls viciously, writhing in his seat.

“What?” Jay taunts him. “Can’t understand you.”

He’s positive Darren throws expletives at him, words unrecognizable but intend very clear, though Jay pretends he can’t hear him. Both his hands on Darren’s cock have stilled.

“Ask nicely.”

Darren narrows his eyes to slits, concentrating, while his chest heaves with uneven breaths. Finally, he brings his lips to form the words, with what Jay knows costs him all control he can muster: “Please.”

He doesn’t need to ask twice. Jay marvels at the sight of Darren in orgasm, body going in full lockup, followed by heaves of pleasure jerking through it in massive bursts. Come splatters on the cold floor of the disabled bathroom and Darren’s deep moans echo against the naked walls.

Damn, Jay isn’t sure he’ll ever get enough of that.

Not much later, cleaned up as much as possible and clothes hurriedly arranged to order, but still flushed, Jay follows Darren out of the bathroom stall. They almost immediately run into Khristina and Olha, who exit the ladies’ rooms at that moment and look just as ruffled up as Jay believes he looks himself, and just as blissed out.

No second round of dessert for them either, Jay thinks.

“If you ever need a larger room,” Darren remarks shortly before they re-enter the hall where the dance group is dining. “I happen to have a key.”



-> Chapter 21


  1. Thanks for the update! Love them!

  2. I should have left a comment much much sooner, but I keep coming back to this story. I adore the characters and how their relationship has evolved and grown, and how they’re domestic and playful and so damned sexy. I know it’s a lot, but if you ever want to come back to it and share more, I’ll be here for that. If not, know that I reread this story on an almost weekly basis.

    1. Oh wow, thanks for the kind comment! Glad to hear you like the story. Comments like these make me want to stay up all night and write :) There will be more chapters to come, I promise!