The One Who Got Away – CH 14

Chapter 14: No Clue

Kay had been feeling giddy the whole day. Sure, the one she was going on a date with was already her boyfriend, whom she had known for ten years, but hey, this was the first time they were going out together. So as she was standing in front of her building – much too early, needless to say – waiting to be picked up, Kay was actually nervous. Constantly checking the time, she kept staring to the end of the street where she knew the black van would be turning around the corner soon, and she didn't know how many times during the past ten minutes she had already checked her makeup and smoothed out the fabric of her new summer dress – which was chiffon, so there actually wasn't much to smooth in the first place. When the van finally pulled up, the butterflies in her stomach went absolutely wild. She waved at Brian as she went for the sliding door in the back, then climbed in on somewhat shaky legs. It was with a kind of tunnel vision that she immediately went to Seth, grabbing his face for a short but intense kiss. He smiled adorably at her with those dimples when she wiped away the traces of her lipstick on his mouth. "Hi."

"Hi yourself."

He looked down at his lap, at the flower bouquet that had been placed there, carefully leaned against the crook of his arm. "For you."

Beaming, she picked it up, leaning in for another kiss. "They’re lovely, thank you."

"Picked them out myself, on the way here."

Kay gave him a smitten look. Of course a guy picking out flowers for his girlfriend wasn't anything special in itself, but in Seth's case, it meant finding a disabled parking spot, unstrapping the chair, getting out of the car, navigating in a probably narrow flower shop space and then getting loaded into the car again. "Thank you," she said again, leaning down for the third kiss. 

Brian noisily cleared his throat from the behind the steering wheel. "We're standing in a no-parking zone, people!"

With a sheepish smirk, Kay forced herself to let go of Seth. "Alright, alright." She sat down in the single seat on the other side of the car, parallel to Seth’s spot. "Drive away."

Seth was gazing at her. "That's a beautiful dress."

"Glad you like it. Bought it just today, for the occasion."

"Looks great on you."

Kay lent him an appreciative smile. "You look very handsome yourself." He was wearing dark chinos and a blue button-down shirt with a stand up collar. Its slim fit complimented his narrow frame, and the blue looked simply great against that mediterranean skin tone of his, perfectly bringing out his brown hair and chocolate eyes. Yummy. "So where are we going?" She queried.

"Guess."

"Sushi?"

Seth shook his head. 

"Pizza?"

He laughed. "Do you really think I would take you for pizza on our first date?"

Kay pursed her lips. "Ok, Mexican?"

"Kay!" he was laughing even more, then paused momentarily when his stomach spasmed. "We're going to The Golden Platter."

Her eyes widened in amazement. "Seriously?"

He winked. "Are you happy?"

"I've always wanted to go there!"

"I know."

Kay was not only excited about his choice, she was also surprised. Her first guess had been Sushi not only because it was a favorite of hers, but also because it was the easiest when it came to feeding. The Golden Platter was a classic gourmet restaurant, which meant all kinds of dishes and cutlery. She gave him a furtive glance, feeling a rush of affection. He could have easily avoided a setting for their first date where his disability would be so exposed – but he had chosen not to, and she knew it was all for her.

Noticing her quiet gaze, Seth gave her a curious look. "What is it?"

Kay smiled sheepishly, shaking her head. "Nothing. Just… you."

They didn't talk a lot for the rest of the drive, mainly because Seth’s spasms were giving him trouble, as always during car rides. Brian gave his arms a thorough stretch once they arrived at their destination's parking lot, but it didn't help much. As Kay waited outside the van while the platform lift was descending, Seth glanced down at his stiff hands with an irritated frown, and once he propelled the chair forward, yet another spasm threw his arms off. He looked at Brian. "Maybe better put the straps on." 

Kay watched as the PCA produced and attached the two velcro bands that went across Seth's forearms to keep them in place. "Haven't seen these in a while," she remarked. Actually, she had seen them only once or twice at all, and the last time had been months ago.

Seth glanced at her sheepishly. "That's because I always avoided wearing them around you."

"Huh?"

He shrugged with a shy smile. "They're not exactly attractive."

"You're such an idiot," Kay laughed, shaking her head, and she bent down to give him a kiss, playfully squeezing his neck. 

"But I'm your idiot," he grinned against her mouth, and Kay kissed him all over again.

That you are, she thought. That you are indeed.

Brian withdrew soon after, walking straight to a bar across the street where he would be spending the next few hours – close enough in case of emergency, but far enough to not be part of the romantic dinner date. 

Kay couldn't help but feel slightly nervous when they approached the restaurant's entrance. "I'll get the door," she uttered, but the receptionist had apparently already spotted them through the glass, and in the next moment was pushing the door wide open. "Good evening, welcome to the Golden Platter." He stood aside for them to pass through and once they were in, turned to Seth. "Mr. Bell?"

"That's right", he mumbled, the control stick still between his teeth, which was sometimes unavoidable when talking while also steering. 

The receptionist nodded. "Please follow me. We've got your table ready for you." On the way there, other staff members came to his aid when some chairs had to be moved out of the way for Seth to pass through. Kay felt the atmosphere in the restaurant shift. All eyes were turning to them – some furtively, some less discreetly, others with blunt shamelessness. She had come to know the reaction – going unnoticed was an impossibility with Seth. Granted, he had been turning heads as long as Kay had known him, however what most people stared at now weren't his good looks but the big electric wheelchair and the way he drove it. It was like this wherever they went – but tonight was the first time Kay got to experience the whole thing as his girlfriend. As she walked behind him toward the table, she looked daggers at those guests who were blatantly staring at Seth, biting her tongue not to actually say something to them. Knowing that most of these people were just curious, not purposefully disrespectful, didn’t help – she hated how they reacted to him; hated how inconsiderate toward his privacy and dignity they were. Seth’s ability to let those stares simply slide off his back still amazed her. Once they were settled at their table – after some maneuvering and table pushing, because the staff had underestimated the amount of space the wheelchair would actually take up –, Kay searched Seth’s gaze, and for a moment just looked into his eyes with fondness and appreciation. She leaned over and kissed him, for which she had to slightly rise from her chair. "Thank you for this," she whispered earnestly, and he just smiled at her, probably unaware that she was thanking him for so much more than taking her to a fancy restaurant. 

Only now Kay was able to fully take in the cozy ambiance of the place. There were flowers and small burning candles on every table; and the stylish lamps lining the walls tinted the whole restaurant into a warm, pinkish light. It was a lovely place for a first date. 

Their designated waiter was very professional – and doing his best not to act awkwardly around the wheelchair. Kay actually felt a little bad for the poor guy when he wanted to hand Seth one of the menus. "Thank you, but I can't take that," Seth said kindly, nodding down at his arms, and it seemed to take the waiter another second to realize his mistake. "My apologies," he uttered, his face turning pink, and for a moment, he seemed unable to tear his eyes away from Seth’s still body.

Seth simply lent him a smile. "Not a problem. Just leave it on the table."

Kay couldn't help but think how during the past five months, she had witnessed countless moments similar to this one. And then she pondered how for Seth, it had been for almost two years now that he'd had these kinds of interactions over and over again – and he would be having them for the rest of his life. Years and years of having to explain himself, a lifetime of countless confused and nonplussed faces, of people blushing at the sight of his paralyzed body. How did he do it? How did it not drive him mad to the point where he wanted to tape a warning sign on his forehead? How did it not frustrate him without end, this perpetual state of being a confusion to people? Then again, he was Seth. If anyone had the patience for this, it was him. 

The waiter left them, and Kay opened their menus, putting Seth's on his lap. They always did it like this – except whenever a server person wouldn't even bring a menu for Seth in the first place, which happened more often than not. So this waiter right here trying to hand him one wasn't all that bad in comparison. 

After studying the menu for a moment, Kay smiled at Seth mischievously. "I know what we should get for drinks. It's a bit unusual before dinner, but…"

His eyes lit up in understanding, and he grinned. "Amaretto Sour and a beer?"

"I mean… those are our drinks, right?"

"Absolutely. Basically a must on our first date."

They also ordered a selection of appetizers and starters, then as main dishes Rainbow Trout and Filet Mignon. "If they could already cut up my meat in the kitchen, that would be great," Seth told the waiter. 

"Of course." The guy nodded. "Is there anything else we can do for you?"

"I need straws for my drinks.”

"For the wine, too?"

Seth looked at Kay, and they shared a smile. "No," he answered the waiter while discreetly winking at her. "Not for the wine. And actually, not for the beer either."

"I don't think I ever had an Amaretto Sour without you," Kay smiled at her cocktail a few minutes later. 

Seth chuckled. "Seriously? Not even in London?"

"Well… ok, maybe I did have a few then, but," she lent him a goofy grin. "It always reminded me of you, so technically you were still there."

"That's… kind of corny," he smirked. "And very cute."

She winked at him and clinked both their glasses together. "To corniness."

"To us."

"To the first date of many."

The appetizers they had ordered arrived soon after and were so delicious Kay almost had a culinary orgasm. Which Seth watched with a fond smile. "I could come here just for this. To see you loving the food like this."

"I won't protest if you decide to bring me here once a month," she grinned, shoving a mini toast with smoked salmon into his mouth. Most of the appetizers were finger foods, and feeding them to him was fun. When some mayonnaise got stuck on the tip of his nose, they both laughed, and Kay quickly wiped it off with her finger. 

Seth's filet, like he had requested, did arrive already cut up – although more into large slices than bite-sized pieces. Kay shook her head in amazement once their waiter was out of earshot. "What did they think the cutting was for? Optics?"

Seth shrugged, unfazed. "I should have been more specific. It's not like the kitchen staff has seen me."

She gave him a look. "The waiter knows, though."

"Maybe."

"Maybe? He's been seeing this whole time how you can't use your arms. You even told him so."

Seth smirked at her. "Did I never tell you about that guy in the mall?"

Kay shook her head, taking a starched napkin from the table and spreading it out over his chest.

"Alright," he began. "I was out shopping with Brian, and I was trying on jackets. There was this shop assistant who helped us find the right sizes. He saw the way Brian put several jackets on me, so you'd think it was obvious that I can't move."

"Ugh," Kay threw in. "I think I know where this is going."

"When we were about to leave, he started asking me technical questions about my chair. How I drive it and what it can do and all that. So I told him the basics about how the mouthpiece works and how I put in commands." Seth paused. "Know what he did when he thanked me for explaining?"

"Ask if you can walk?"

He chuckled. "Almost. He held out his hand, fully expecting me to shake it."

Kay couldn't help but gasp. "You're kidding!"

"You should have seen his face when I told him I couldn't," he smirked. "So… there you have it. To some people, it's not as obvious as you'd think."

The main course was just as delicious as the starters. Balancing Seth's glazed greens, creamed potatoes and the meat to his mouth was definitely a lot easier now for Kay than when he had been lying in bed the other day. She was still a little anxious about possibly dropping something though, and the whole process didn't feel as effortless and natural to her yet as she wanted it to. It would probably take a few more meals for her to get to that point. 

And there was something else that still didn't feel natural: The fact that she and Seth – and specifically how she was feeding him – seemed to pose some sort of spectacle to the other guests in the restaurant. She felt their stares in the back of her neck, and while she never directly looked at them, she could just imagine the way in which those people were glancing over, perhaps under the belief to be very discreet about it. How some of them maybe made a remark to their companions, something about that guy in the wheelchair and the tragedy and the bravery, or something about that poor woman who had to feed her disabled partner. As much as Kay tried to block out the other people in the room, as much as she wanted to not give a damn about them, they were always there, in the back of her mind, annoying and infuriating her. We're having a romantic date here, for God's sake. Couldn't people just let them enjoy it in peace?

Seth was watching her. "It still bothers you," he remarked without any judgement in his voice. "That people stare, doesn't it?"

Kay shrugged faintly, lending him a meek look. "I think I know why. They piss me off so much because I used to be just like them."

Seth knitted his brow, but he didn't say anything as he accepted a piece of meat and beans that she was guiding to his lips. 

"I often think of what you said to me on that first meet-up at Lakeside Park," Kay continued, once the food was securely in his mouth. "That if you were just a stranger to me in a power chair, I would not even look you in the face, let alone talk normally to you. I know you were mostly trying to make a point, but I think you were right."

Seth, still chewing on his bite, started to shake his head in protest, but Kay went on. "In part, at least. Sure, I was never completely ignorant when it came to various disabilities, and I would never have felt like I am above you or anything of that sort. But would I have acted awkward as fuck in the presence of a quadriplegic? Hell yes. I would have been just as flustered and inconsiderate as the waiter in that park Cafe who couldn't look you in the face. I would have felt uncomfortable and stiff and probably avoided contact if possible." Kay swallowed, looking down at her hands. "In other words, I'm a hypocrite. I get angry at all those people who treat you differently and look at you differently, while just a few months ago, I was not one bit better than them."

Seth had been listening attentively, his dark eyes calmly resting on her face. "You're human," he said after a pause. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

"You keep telling me that," Kay argued gloomily.

"Because it's true. Think I ever thought much about ableism and disability issues before my accident? Of course not. That's how life works, it throws things at us and forces us to learn." He looked at her affectionately. "Besides, the fact that you're here with me proves you are not like most people."

Kay grimaced. "Don't say that."

"Why not?" Seth asserted. "Do you know how many people distanced themselves from me after I got injured? Even friends. Not right away, some even came to visit when I first got home from rehab. But I guess at some point they realized what it all really implied, that hanging out with me meant hanging out with a severely disabled person. So they gradually showed up less and less, until they disappeared completely."

The mere thought of anyone actually leaving Seth after his injury infuriated Kay; it made her hurt inside. "Then they were not your friends," she said somberly.

He shrugged. "Maybe. Or maybe they just got scared."

She earnestly gazed into his eyes. "Think I wasn't scared by your disability when we first started spending time together again? Not in a million years would I have distanced myself from you because of that. Never ever."

Seth looked at her tenderly. "Which proves my point."

"No it doesn't." She reached over to put her hand on his cheek. "Everyone who would choose not to have you in their life is completely out of their mind." Seth laughed, and Kay shook her head at him. "I'm serious. You don't give yourself enough credit for how amazing you are, Seth Bell."

Now he smiled shyly, almost in embarrassment, and he leaned into her touch, tenderly rubbing his cheek in her hand. The stubble of his five o’clock shadow tickled on her skin, mixed with the softness of his lips as he kissed her palm. "Likewise, Kay Martens."

And suddenly, just like that, Kay did not care about all those other guests who were staring at them – no: She actually wanted them to stare. She wanted them to see how insanely, madly in love she was with the man sitting next to her; how incredibly lucky she felt to be with him. All of you, she thought proudly, almost gleefully, you all just have no fucking clue, do you. With a smitten look, she rose from her chair to give Seth a kiss. No fucking clue. 

They were looking at the dessert menu when an elderly couple unexpectedly stepped to their table.

"We just wanted to stop by on our way out", the woman said. "And say: God bless the both of you. What an inspiration to see there's still good in this world." She touched her heart to emphasize how moved she was, and Kay half expected her to shed a tear next.

The husband was nodding fervently, his face a mixture of pity and awe. "True inspiration," he asserted. And then he reached out, and his hand landed on Seth's shoulder. 

Kay saw Seth tense up, and burning heat rose up from inside her stomach, all the way up into her head. She felt the urge to slap that man's hand away or to hiss at him not to fucking invade someone's personal space like that. But luckily for him, he retrieved his hand after just a few seconds, and the wife was now addressing Kay: "You're an angel, the way you take care of him. Such a rare and noble commitment."

Kay stared at her agape, not sure whether she wanted to burst into laughter or slap the woman in the face. There was so much she wanted to say in response – so much she was about to say, and she opened her mouth, ready to give it to the woman. But then her eyes caught Seth’s gaze. He was giving her a pointed look: 'Not worth it.' Kay pressed her lips together, taking a breath through the nose. Ok. Ok. Not worth it.

Of course it wasn't like Seth was enjoying this – Kay could see how hard his jawline was. But he still managed to nod politely while the woman went on to blabber something about it being very brave of them to go "out into the world like that". Then he gave them both a non-committal smile. "Thank you," he said, his voice kind but also unmistakably ending the interaction, and he deliberately turned his attention back to the menu on his lap. The intruders – because that's what they were in Kay's eyes – seemed to get the hint. Giving them both one last sugary "God bless", they waved and finally left. 

Kay let out a long breath she'd been holding, touching her forehead in exasperation. "Oh my God," she uttered. "That was… fucking painful." She looked at her boyfriend – who was actually stifling a laugh. She shook her head in disbelief. "You are so incredibly gracious, I don't know how you do it."

"What can I say," he smirked teasingly. "I like to be a true inspiration to you."

Kay punched his upper arm, but she couldn't quite hold back a snicker herself. Then she gazed lovingly into his eyes. "I really do admire how you handle this stuff. People staring, acting weird and patronizing you – and you just manage to let it slide, because you're the bigger person. That is so very sexy to me."

Seth’s eyes sparkled, his grin widening. "And I think it's sexy how you get so passionately worked up about things. I can literally see the way you start fuming inside."

Kay automatically closed the distance between their faces. The kiss was sensual and intense, and Seth’s tongue against hers sent a tingling sensation all through her body. She pressed her legs together when her groin started to throb. "Let's order those desserts."

While they waited for the lava chocolate cakes and raspberry ice cream to arrive, Kay noticed how Seth suddenly looked tired. He became increasingly taciturn, and from time to time, she saw him suppress a wince. When she asked him if something was wrong, he was quick to shake his head. "I'm good."

"You don't look like you're good."

"It's just nerve pain," he explained, forcing a smile. "It will pass."

It didn't seem to pass though, and five minutes later, his features had gone from tired to strained. He was trying very hard not to show it, but Kay could clearly see that what he called "just" nerve pain was becoming unbearable. He didn't even look up when the waiter brought their desserts, and when he accepted a bite from the delicious lava chocolate, it was with visible effort. Kay waved for their waiter. 

"Actually," she said, when he came over a second later. "Can we have the cakes to go, please? And the check."

Seth’s eyes darted up. "That's not necessary,” he protested. "We can –"

"No, we can't." Kay gave the confused waiter another look. "The check please." Once he had left, she searched her boyfriend's gaze. "It's fine. We wouldn't have stayed for much longer anyways."

Seth didn't look happy. "I'm sorry." He suppressed another wince, and the mere sight gave Kay an inner pang. "Don't worry about it,” she said softly, then pulled out her phone. "I'm letting Brian know." Her eyes never leaving Seth, she dialed the PCA's number. 

He picked up at the first ring. "Kay?"

"Hi, can you meet us outfront? We're leaving in a few." 

"On my way."

Stuffing the phone back into her purse, she nervously looked around for the waiter to arrive with the check. Seth seemed almost withdrawn, as if whatever was going on within his body right now was taking up all of his focus. Kay picked up his water glass and guided the straw to his lips. "Here. Drink something."

"No," he mumbled, not even raising his eyes. "Can't right now."

Before Kay could insist, the waiter stepped to the table, putting down a cake box and hovering for a moment with the check, unsure of who to give it to. Seth managed to glance up at Kay. "You know where my wallet is. Take the Master Card."

Nodding, Kay reached over and pushed her hand into the narrow space between his cushion and the wheelchair frame. She grabbed the wallet, took out the card and handed it to the waiter, who had been uncomfortably shifting in his stance, trying hard not to look. "If you could make it quick", she said. "We're kind of in a hurry." Worriedly, she glanced at Seth, wondering whether he was even in a state to steer his chair out of the restaurant. She leaned over, tentatively touching his shoulder. "Can you drive?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"Are you sure? Because –"

"Yes," he repeated assertively. "Really."

He really did manage, but Kay was holding her breath the whole time while they made their way to the door. She was watching him closely, and if the space hadn’t been so narrow, would have walked beside instead of behind him. Unlike when they had entered the restaurant, she now didn't care one bit about the other people's reactions. Even when she heard some of them whisper as Seth was passing them. They had no fucking clue anyway.

Brian was waiting for them outside the entrance, his vigilant gaze immediately picking up on Seth's state. He leaned down to him. "What’s up?" 

Seth, who had stopped the chair as soon as they had gotten out of the restaurant, was leaning back against the headrest with a clenched jaw. "Neuro." 

Brian straightened up, nodding. Without a word, he pushed a few commands into the chair control, moving the backrest into a slight recline. "Let's go," he said, then started to guide the chair toward the parking lot. 

Kay hurried up next to him. "Do you have painkillers for this?"

Brian gave her a nod. "At the house, yeah." He seemed to remember something. "Want me to drop you off on the way?"

No, she definitely didn't feel like going home yet. Besides, dropping her off would have meant quite a detour on the way to the house. "Not necessary," she shook her head. "I can get an Uber later."

They were almost by the van when Kay heard a familiar voice call her name from across the parking lot – or rather: her wrong name. "Kate?"

God no. Suppressing a groan, she looked up. "Hello Gideon."

He was looking as scruffy and douchy as ever. "How have you been?" he asked, running a hand through his frizzy hair. "You never answered my texts."

He had sent her several messages since their date; most of them digital flyers for events where he would speak his motivational bullshit. At some point, Kay had blocked him. Which he apparently hadn't even realized. "Yes," she stated. "I didn't."

But Gideon's level of perception was at a new record low. "I'm free right now," he offered. "If you want to grab a drink."

Seriously? Like, really? And could he not see that she was…? "I'm here with my boyfriend," Kay said pointedly, gesturing to her side.  

Gideon’s eyebrows rose in realization, then immediately furrowed in confusion as he looked back and forth between the two men waiting next to her. And even though she knew it was kind of childish, Kay couldn't help but take pleasure in how completely lost he was. Yeah, Gideon, who might it be? The blond bearded hipster or the dark handsome guy in the power wheelchair? She took a deliberate step closer to Seth, putting her hand on his shoulder. And oh, did she love that look of disbelief and perplexity that appeared on Gideon’s face. He gulped, blinking, then cleared his throat. "Oh well," he stuttered. "Good for you."

"Thanks, Gideon," Kay noted with a frosty smile. "I guess I manifested it." And with that, she turned her attention away from him and fully back to Seth and Brian, motioning to the PCA that she was ready to go. Seth briefly glanced up at her with a quizzical frown. She wasn't sure how much of that whole interaction he had even registered with the pain he was in. Bending down, she placed a kiss on his temple. "I'll tell you later," she whispered. "Now let's go home."

Back at the house, the first thing Brian did was to give Seth those meds, then the two men shortly disappeared into the bathroom. Kay used the time to find a vase for her flower bouquet, then she took their chocolate cakes from the restaurant out of the box and put them on a plate. Brian was transferring Seth onto the bed when she walked into the bedroom, and she waited until he had fully settled him down, then she took off her high heels, climbed in next to him and leaned against the headboard, stretching out her legs. "I’ll be in the living room," Brian let them know; then he left, closing the door behind him. 

Kay glanced down at Seth. He looked tired, but already much more relaxed than ten minutes ago. Those painkillers seemed to be working fast. Actually, he was looking almost kind of high. "Must be strong stuff," she mumbled, stroking her thumb over his brow. 

"Yeah." He slightly moved his head into her touch. 

"Feeling better?"

He nodded, awkwardly peering up at her. "I'm sorry our date was cut short."

Kay lent him a loving grin. "But it wasn’t. As far as I'm concerned, it's still going." She reached over to the nightstand, taking the plate with the cakes. "Dessert in bed is nice, too."

"Did you warm them up?"

"No." She took a bite, sighing loudly at the chocolaty goodness melting in her mouth. "Want some?"

"Maybe a little later. Still feeling kind of queasy."

She grimaced in sympathy. "Can I do anything?"

He winked up at her. "Yeah. Enjoy that cake."

She lowered her plate. "How about a head massage?"

A boyish grin appeared on Seth's face. "How can I say no to that."

"Thought so." Kay put the cake back on the nightstand, then scooted a little closer. She began with gentle strokes along his hairline in an ever repeating motion, applying only the lightest pressure. Seth started melting immediately, and he closed his eyes with sigh. Smiling, Kay kept up what she was doing, then slowly moved upward, her fingers running into his hair, drawing small spirals on his scalp. The whole time, she watched Seth’s face, happily registering how much he was enjoying this; how his features relaxed fully and completely and how more of those sighs kept escaping him. She loved how her touch seemed to evoke this kind of visceral reaction in him. One could almost have thought that he had never been touched in his life before. "Good?" she asked with a smile when he softly moaned again. 

"So good," he mumbled, not opening his eyes. "You're so good."

So she kept going; massaging, stroking, caressing the entirety of his head, wandering to the base of his skull and down his neck, and then back to his forehead again. All the while, her eyes attentively took in every small reaction on his face, adjusting whatever she was doing in accordance. Only when her hands started to cramp up from the incessant work, Kay stopped. "Voilà," she whispered, leaning down to place a kiss on his lips. 

He smiled at her with affection. "That was amazing."

Kay brushed her knuckles down his cheek. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Still wish we could have had a whole night without any hiccups at all."

"I know. But there are going to be many more dates for that." She kissed the tip of his nose, then shifted to curl up next to him, putting her chin on his chest to gaze at him. "So what exactly is it, this nerve pain?"

He made a wry face. "Fucked up SCI thing. Feels like someone's ramming a burning knife up my neck every ten seconds."

Kay hissed. "That sounds horrible."

"Yeah, it isn't great."

"Do you get it often?"

"No. Maybe once or twice a month."

Her eyebrows rose in bewilderment. "That is often!"

Seth snorted. "Not really, compared –" he broke off abruptly, biting his lip.

"Compared to…?" Kay frowned.

"Nothing, forget it."

"Seth."

He uncomfortably shifted his shoulders. "I was going to say, compared to the pain I get every day."

Abruptly pushing herself up on one elbow, Kay stared at him. Her stomach tied into knots. "You're always in pain?"

Seth glanced at her reluctantly, then he rolled his eyes with a sigh. "It's exactly because of that look you have on your face right now why I didn't want to say it."

She bit her lip, pausing. Then she shook her head with a snort. "This is not how it's supposed to be."

"Yeah."

"No, I mean you're not supposed to be in pain every day without me even knowing about it."

He stared at the ceiling, his shoulder twitching with an attempt to shrug. "I don't really like telling you these things."

She uttered a dry laugh. "Yeah, no kidding. You definitely don't. Which is what's so fucked up. We are in a relationship, Seth."

"A very fresh relationship."

"As if that had anything to do with it," Kay scoffed. "You're just using that as an excuse."

A lot of men would have felt attacked right now and gotten defensive. Or they would have shut down completely, ending the discussion. Not Seth though, of course not. He sighed, going quiet for a moment, then met Kay's gaze. "I just don't want my SCI issues to be a constant topic between us."

Kay lowered herself back down with a huff, laying her arm across his chest. "Well maybe they don't have to be, once you have finally told me all there is to know."

"You know a lot," he argued quietly, peering down at a spasm in his arm. "You ask me new questions everyday."

Reaching for his jittering hand, Kay pulled the arm toward her. "Sure I do," she said, kneading his knuckles with gentle pressure. "But it's like I'm gathering scattered bits and pieces here and there. We've never had the talk."

He snorted softly, a smile in his voice. "What's the talk?"

"The talk where you tell me everything. The whole story about your injury and what it was like for you and what it all means. I want to know all of it, I want to understand what's going on with your body and why and when, and I want to be able to tell when something's wrong." Laying his now limp hand down on his stomach, she touched his cheek. "I want to be the person who knows more about you and your disability than anyone else. Well – maybe except for Brian."

Seth chuckled softly, rubbing his face into her hand. "Such high ambitions."

"I'm serious, Seth."

He kissed her palm. "I know."

Kay propped up her chin on his chest again, looking at him. "Don't you think it's strange how we know each other so well and have such a long history, but there's this huge thing that has turned your life upside down while I was gone, and there's so little I actually know about it?"

For a long moment, Seth was quiet, grinding his jaw. "You're right," he eventually said. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding those conversations. It's not always easy for me to go there."

"And I don't want to push you."

He shook his head. "No, you should. I probably need that. And you deserve to get answers to all of those questions you have."

Kay squeezed his neck in affection, and she wordlessly pushed herself up, placing a soft kiss on his lips. Seth’s shoulder twitched under her hand, and he looked at her shyly. "So," he breathed a small sigh. "I guess I'll start at the beginning?"

To be continued...