The One Who Got Away

Chapter 2 

Part One: Six years earlier

The club was steadily filling up. Tapping her fingers to the rhythm of some Goldfrapp remix, Kay watched Seth walk across the room towards her, smoothly navigating their drinks through the crowd. 

"You have an audience", she grinned, taking the Amaretto Sour he handed her. She pointed her head towards the group of girls in the other corner. They looked like college freshmen and had been ogling him the whole time. "Now they're bummed, because they think I'm your girlfriend."

Seth chuckled with a shrug, probably because he didn't care. He never seemed to care about the fact that he was turning heads. Not because he was arrogant, but because he just wasn't vain enough to care. 

He sat down and they clinked glasses. "Next round is on me", she promised, then took a sip of the sweet goodness in her hand. "Even though it's kind of unfair that all you ever order for yourself is beer. I can't return the favor of buying you an expensive drink."

"That's ok, you're still poor", he responded teasingly, a cheeky smirk on his face. "I can forgive you the imbalance."

"Hey, I'm not poor! The money just hasn't reached me yet."

Seth laughed. "You think it got lost somewhere on the way?"

"How's the view up there? On that high horse of yours, I mean." She stuck out her tongue.
It was the joke of the year, because if there was one person not on any high horse whatsoever, it was Seth.

He took a sip from his beer. "How are you? It's been a while."

"Tell me about it." She pursed her lips, silently counting back through the calendar in her head. "Yeah, almost three months. Way too long, again."

"We somehow keep doing that."

"I guess this is what happens when people near their thirties."

"Or are already there", Seth grimaced, because he had turned thirty months ago.

Kay comfortably leaned back on the lounge. "So what have you been up to?"

He shrugged. "Drowning in work, basically. We have a deadline by the end of next week."

"That contest for the community center?"

He nodded. "And one of our senior architects has taken a sabbatical, now of all times."

She grimaced in sympathy. "Meanwhile, my boss let me know the other day that I'm not doing enough overtime."

"What?" Seth scowled, setting his glass onto the lounge table. "That's ridiculous. Considering how little she lets you do in the first place."

"I know, right?" She shrugged. "Honestly, I don't care anymore. Now that I know London is happening and I'm leaving by the end of the year."

"How did she react to those news?"

Kay laughed dryly, then imitated the high-pitched and condescending voice of her boss: "'Well, good luck I guess.'"

Seth rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "They don't deserve you. It's high time you work for someone who appreciates your talent."

Kay beamed at him. "You think way too highly of my talent."

Seth gave her a wink. "I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about."

"Understood, Boss." She grinned.

Enough about work though. There were other things she was dying to know. 

"How is it going with TA-mara?" She couldn’t help the slight quip when saying his girlfriend's name – the woman annoyed her. Not that she had ever met her or anything. But Seth’s girlfriend always annoyed her – whoever it was. 

Seth leaned forward and reached for his beer. "We’re not together anymore."

YES! 

"Oh no! What happened?"

He sighed. "I don't know, she was just kind of… unavailable."

Kay scrunched her nose. "As in, she didn't have time for you?"

"No, I mean emotionally." He scratched his neck. "No matter how much time we spent together, it never really got…" – he waved his hand around – "deep, you know?"

She nodded, trying to look bummed. Well, she was a little bummed for him, but it wasn't like he seemed completely heartbroken. "Maybe you were just not the right fit for each other."

"Yeah. She's a really cool person, it just didn't… vibe." He leaned back, then cocked an eyebrow at her. "How about you? Seeing someone?"

Smirking lopsidedly, Kay shook her head. "I had two more dates with that guy I told you about."

Seth looked at her expectantly. "And?"

"And nothing. I just didn't feel it. Plus, his laugh was really annoying."

He nodded earnestly. "Too bad."

"Yeah."

They sat there in silence for a moment, but the background chatter and the Indie beats from the speakers filled it well. 

"Hey did you see the new Sopranos season?" Kay asked. "Because I totally missed it."

"Yeah I did, it was great."

"Damn."

"I could burn it onto a CD for you, if you want", Seth offered.

Kay smiled, shaking her head. "That's ok, but thanks. I'm just gonna wait for reruns." She pointed at his empty glass. "Ready for another round?"

In the end, it was three rounds. By midnight, Kay was feeling a little drunk. Seth was not even tipsy – his alcohol tolerance was much higher than hers. Besides, his third round had consisted of water.

Looking at her watch, Kay groaned. "Ugh, I don't even want to get up." She sank deeper into the cushions, letting her shoulder rest against him. "Can we just sleep here?"

"We?" Seth laughed. "I much prefer a bed."

"Seriously Seth, I think I'm actually stuck on this lounge."

With a smirk, he grabbed her by the shoulders,  gently pushing her away so he could stand. 

"Come on, Lazy Lady. Up." He always called her Lazy Lady in moments like this. He held out both his hands, and she grabbed them drudginly, letting him pull her up.

She didn't even try to help much, knowing he could easily handle her full weight. "You've always been good at that", she grinned.

Chuckling and still holding her by the hands while she steadied herself, he went along with the reference to their first encounter: "Just like you’ve always been good at being stuck."

The gust of wind greeting them outside the club felt good. Kay didn't like the feeling of being drunk, never had. Now the cold air hitting her face had a nice sobering effect. She turned to Seth. "Where are you parked?"

He pointed towards the left side of the lot. "Want me to drop you off?"

"Nah, I think I'll manage those three minutes of walking." She had come here on foot, because her place truly was only five minutes away, just around the corner. "I'll see you off though."

Together, they strolled over to his Ford, Kay’s arm hooked under his. "Let's make it sooner next time", she said when they stood in front of the car. 

"Let's", he gave her a fond smile. "And keep me posted on those dates with weird dudes."

Kay rolled her eyes and they hugged, then he got in. She waited to watch him back out of the parking spot – or rather: watch him try, because nothing happened. In the car, she saw Seth turn the car key repeatedly, then throw up his hands. She bent down to wave through the window, raising her arms in a what's-going-on gesture. 

He rolled his eyes, grimacing and opened the door. "I think the battery is dead."

"Sure looks like it."

Seth got out of the car and stood in front of it, running a hand through his hair. "This is just awesome."

Kay gave him a sympathetic look. "In the middle of the night, of all times."

He scratched the back of his neck. "Guess I'm calling a cab."

"Or… you just crash at my place."

Seth turned to her with raised eyebrows. For a moment, they just looked at eachother. 

"Ok", he said. 

"Great", Kay stated, not entirely sure how to read the way those eyes of his were looking at her right now. 

Sure, they had never crashed at each other's apartments, and sure, she hadn’t exactly done that with any of her male friends, and sure, her apartment was only one single room, but that didn't mean there was anything unusual about him sleeping over, right?  

They walked the three minutes to her place in near silence; Seth hands in his pockets, Kay holding on to the strap of her handbag. From time to time, she glanced up at him, and from time to time, Seth glanced down at her, but they never did it simultaneously. 

"So, uh, you want anything?" Kay asked. Seth sat on her couch, and she just stood there, still in her jacket. "A drink?"

"We just came from a bar, Kay." He winked.

"True, true." She put down her handbag. "Or something to eat?" 

Seth shook his head.

Why am I being so awkward? It was just them, it was just Seth. But he looked kind of awkward over there, too, how he was sitting on that couch of hers. Hadn’t he been to her apartment before? Ok, it had only been once, and at a small birthday gathering with other people, so he had never been here alone. Still, what was awkward about that? For some reason, the room felt awfully quiet right now. Maybe she should put on some music? No, that would have been weird. Then again, what was weird about putting on music? This is ridiculous.

"Okay", she finally drawled. "I guess I'm gonna go to the bathroom and get ready for bed."

Seth looked up at her, nodding. "You do that."

"Ok."

With the bathroom door closed behind her, Kay looked in the mirror. Not bad. A little flushed, maybe. She took off her makeup – well, part of it, because she somehow didn't feel like removing it all – and brushed her teeth. She changed into her pyjama shorts and put on her tight tank top, then brushed her hair. 

What else? Kay sniffed her armpits. Maybe some fresh deodorant. Fresh deodorant never hurt, even before going to sleep. Finally, she slipped into her silk robe. Wait, why was she putting on her silk robe? Whatever, she just was.

Seth was still sitting on the edge of the couch when she came out of the bathroom, but he had taken off his sweater, jeans and socks. So he sat there in a t-shirt and boxers, elbows propped on his knees, thumbing through one of her coffee table books. Kay looked at his bare forearms and legs. They looked… hot. He looked hot. And now he looked up. She could virtually feel his eyes wandering up her body, lingering on that silk robe – the one she had put on for no reason at all.

Kay walked over to the sofa and sat down next to him. He discarded the book onto the coffee table, smiling at her with that damned smile of his. Kay looked at his full lips, unconsciously licking hers. "Welcome to my sofa", she heard herself babble. Wow, Kay, you really outperformed yourself with that one.

"Thanks", Seth said. "It's a… it's a very comfy sofa."

"Thank you. I think so, too." How had her face ended up so close to his all of a sudden? 

Now he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His fingertips lingered, lightly brushing her skin, and goosebumps spread down her neck. Holy shit, what was happening here? What were they doing? Kay’s heart was beating fast, and she suddenly felt like panicking was the appropriate thing to do here. "Wait", she croaked hastily. "Wait, I mean, what about our friendship?"

Seth retracted his hand, swallowing. He met her gaze earnestly. "Does that worry you?"

"Yes – I mean, not really." Damn those eyes of his. "But… what’s gonna happen with us?"

He looked down and licked his lips. Kay had never seen him nervous before. "I don't know", he said. "I haven't really… thought about it."

"Yeah, me neither. Didn’t really have the time."

They both had to laugh at that, and Kay felt a tension dissipate she hadn’t known to have been there in the first place. "Maybe…", she now said with a shy smile. "Whatever's supposed to happen will happen."

Seth nodded wordlessly, and their hands found each other, fingers intertwining. Ever so slowly, they both leaned in closer and closer, she put her hand on his cheek, her thumb stroking the dark stubble. And then they kissed. 

It was as if a stream of electricity went through Kay’s whole body, waking every fiber of her. She had never experienced a kiss like this, never ever. And the one kissing her right now was Seth. Seth! For a short second, she pulled back, staring at him – before their lips met again, now with growing passion.

Her hands ran through his hair and kneaded the back of his neck; his wrapped around her body, pulling her close. She climbed onto his lap to straddle him. Her hair fell into her face, and he gently combed it back, then let his knuckles wander down her neck and down her side. He found the cord of her robe, swiftly pulling the knot open. The silk glided from Kay's shoulders and she shuddered. 

They were kissing again, and Seth’s hands kept running over her body, exploring. Kay sneaked hers under the hem of his shirt, feeling the smooth skin on his stomach and the fine hair covering his chest. His abdominals twitched  when he squirmed slightly under her touch. With a grin, Kay pulled the shirt over his head and tossed it aside. Her fingers traced the muscles in his shoulders, arms and chest; taking him in, marveling at that body of his. She felt like she knew it so intimately well already and yet had so much to explore.

Seth kissed the nape of her neck, sending goosebumps all over her body, and her nails dug into his back. When his thumbs brushed over the hardened nipples under her tank top, she squirmed in delight, a moan escaping her lips. 

He pulled back to gaze at her for a second. His eyes were swimming with hungry passion, but also with amazement. “Kay”, he whispered, as if he couldn't believe it was her. 

She took his face in both hands, kissing him long and hard. By now, her whole body was throbbing with lust. "Bed", she mumbled into his mouth, one hand pushing under the waistband of his boxers, feeling his fully erect cock, just to tease him. Seth responded with a suppressed groan.

And then he did something unexpected: He made her legs wrap all around his hips, then firmly grabbed her under the butt – and stood up, taking her right along with him. 

With a surprised gasp, Kay held on to him, letting herself be lifted over to the bed, and she didn't let go even once they both fell onto the mattress, laughing. They were entangled, in more than one way. 

Remaining garments were disposed of, skin on skin exploded into a world of sensation. Seth was everywhere – his lips and his tongue, his touch, his scent. And the only coherent thought that kept popping up in Kay's mind was:

What on earth took us so long?

Part Two: The Moment

Two steps; pause; three steps; longer pause; two steps… 

Seth gazed at the ceiling above him. They sure were walking around intensely up there. 
He had missed the architect's arrival earlier, because until ten minutes ago, he and Brian had been in the bathroom. Now he was spread out on his bed while the PCA was dressing him.

"What’s going on up there?" Brian now, too, was glancing upwards. 

"They're probably taking measurements and photographs", Seth shrugged, and he looked to see what the other man was doing – slipping his right leg into the pant of his jeans, apparently. He watched with detached interest how the limb jittered slightly and Brian had to fasten his grip. "Just wait till they start the actual remodeling", he remarked. "It's gonna get loud."

He went back to staring at the ceiling. It was always an odd feeling to hear sounds from the second floor. Simply because he hadn't been up there in over a year. And because he probably never would again – unless they carried him up the stairs and then dumped him on one of the beds. Which was such a ridiculous prospect that it made him laugh.

"What’s funny?" Brian raised a curious eyebrow.

"Nothing." He looked at him. "Did I ever tell you that my brother used to hide old Playboy magazines under that cupboard in his room? They might still be up there. You should have a look."

Chuckling, Brain slightly rolled him onto his side to pull up the jeans over his hip. "You didn't. And are you suggesting I should look through old sticky Playboy magazines in case I might get bored on a night shift? I usually try to sleep when I'm up there, you know."

Seth smirked. "Who's suggesting anything, I’m just letting you know." He paused to listen. The footsteps had stopped – or rather, were farther away now. "Sounds like she has moved on to the next room."

"She?"

"Just assuming. Given the high heels."

Brian nodded thoughtfully. "Good thinking. Guess we'll get to find out later if you're right."

He immediately knew it was her, as soon as he heard her voice from the hallway. Kay.

Seth's world froze. All he could do was stare not into, but past the computer screen in front of him. So she truly was back in town. One of his friends thought to have spotted her from across the street a few weeks back. Seth had quickly pushed that information aside, not even remotely ready to deal with the prospect of possibly running into Kay. He had told himself that even if she was the person Eddie had seen, she had probably only been here for a family visit, not because she was back for good. Yet here she was, apparently his mother’s new architect and about to walk into the room, judging from the two sets of footsteps coming closer.

A part of him wanted to run. Well, a part of him always wanted to run (wheelchair joke) – but right now, this was about escaping what was about to happen here. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Kay – he never did not want to see her. He just didn't want her to see him.

"Oh good, you're here! You get to meet our new architect."

Moment of truth. Seth turned his head, and there she stood. His Kay. Staring at him like she was seeing a ghost. The look on her face was like a spear to his heart – and at the same time it felt so very good to see her. How crazy was that.

"You two know each other?" his mother was asking in bewilderment, and Seth swallowed. He knew that whatever was going on in Kay's head right now was only going to multiply tenfold once he'd turn his chair around. 

There had been quite a few 'reveal' moments since his injury, but never one like this. All his other friends, colleagues and family had already known about his injury, they'd already been aware that he was completely paralyzed. For them, it had merely been the blow of what that actually looked like.

For Kay, it would be the shock of everything at once. Which made him feel almost guilty on one hand and unbearably exposed on the other. He steeled himself as he leaned for his control straw. The only way out was through. "We do. Though it’s been a while, right?"

She looked great. A little pale, but that was obviously because of him. A few years older, more mature. She looked like an established professional, which, well, she was. Underneath the stylish attire though, she was unmistakably Kay. While her hair was pulled back into a slick ponytail, those few untamable strands in the front still refused to stay in there, like they always had, loosely curling around her hairline. And she still wore only very little, natural looking make-up, making it easy to spot those characteristic freckles scattered over her cheekbones. It was all so very familiar, and it felt like he had seen it not four years ago, but only a couple of days earlier. 

"What happened to you?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Car accident. Broke my neck."

Technically, that was incorrect, because his neck hadn't been broken at all. Which was the big irony of his injury. No broken bones, all vertebrae intact. Just a violent whiplash that had managed to tear ligaments and dislocate several of his cervical discs in such a way that his spinal cord was bruised in one place and completely severed in another. But because that was too complicated to sum up in three words, and because he didn't like talking about his injury in the first place, he always went with saying he'd broken his neck.

He was glad when his mother gently touched Kay's arm, pulling her out of her state of complete shock. She really did look like she needed to sit down.

"When?" She simply asked, once his mother had disappeared into the kitchen.

"A little over a year ago." And that was all he would say on the accident. He had no intention of going into what had happened and what it had been like for him, then and after. None of that. 

Kay was sitting oppsite him, on the edge of the sofa, hands between her knees. The paleness was gone from her face by now, but she still looked a little bit shaken.

"...you certainly have got your work cut out for you up there", he finished. And then waited.

She had never been one to have a poker face. Her thoughts and feelings had always shown openly – to him at least. It was something he'd always found adorable. And maybe he would have found it adorable now, too, if this particular look she had in her eyes right now hadn't hurt so much. 

"Sorry, I… I'm staring", she winced, apparently realizing only now that he had stopped talking. "I just…"

"It's ok." 

He really meant it. Yes, he could barely stand the way her green eyes kept taking in his changed body over and over again. But Seth couldn't blame her. He knew it was a lot to take in. Hell, on some days, it was a lot to take in for him. And at least Kay wasn’t shying away from it. At least she really looked at him – and not with that mixture of pity and disgust he'd seen in many faces, but with genuine curiosity and concern.

"I can't move anything below my shoulders", he said, because he knew she was wondering but didn't know how to ask. He demonstrated to her how he was able to shrug – or at least make that jerky movement with his shoulders that resembled something of the sort. "This is all I've got."

Kay just nodded, and he knew which question would be next.
"Can you… feel anything?"

No, he couldn't. His body was lost to him, and the areas where he still had sensation were ridiculously few. "In my upper chest. And a little above the elbows. But it's very… distant there."

Actually, distant wasn't even the right word for it, because what he could feel in his upper arms was basically nothing; except when they bumped against something or when pressure was applied onto them. But without looking, he wasn't able to tell who or what was applying that pressure, because the sensation was fuzzy at best.

"Fuck, Seth. I'm so sorry."

Fuck indeed. "Me, too." He had always hoped this moment would never happen. Even though he had thought about her – often. He had always been sort of glad that she was far away and would never get to see what had become of him. He swallowed, then brought himself to form a smile. "At least I've got neck control and am able to breathe on my own. Almost wouldn’t have been." 

Her eyes had landed on his neck now. He often wished that tracheostomy scar away. Sure, he wouldn't have looked any less disabled without it, but at least he would have looked less… damaged. People who had never known him pre-injury probably didn't even notice much that his breathing apparatus was impaired. They didn't know what he had breathed and sounded like when he'd still had functioning chest muscles. Unlike Kay. She was shifting on the sofa, the slightest frown on her forehead. "You sound kind of different."

"My voice, you mean?" He had gotten used to the fact that he just spoke more softly these days. The only annoyance were situations where speaking softly wasn't an option. If he wanted to get his voice to be louder, he needed to take an extra deep inhale before speaking, which usually left him breathless after only a few words. Luckily right now, there was no need to speak loudly, because his parents’ living room was quiet. Too quiet.

If only he hadn't asked his mother to move his control out of the way. But it always bothered him in his line of sight whenever people were sitting lower than him – like Kay on that Sofa before. Briefly, Seth considered calling for Brian, because asking Kay was pretty much the last thing he wanted to do. Then again, having his PCA rush in from the other room just to move his stick in front of him would have been even more embarrassing. Good thing that, unlike Kay, he did have a poker face and knew how to appear totally cool even when he was dying inside. 

"Can you do me a favor and move this in front of me?"

Kay didn't stiffen at the request, and she wasn't touching the fixture like it was a carnivorous plant. Instead, she did it with the same casualness as if she had passed him the bread in a restaurant. And she probably had not the slightest idea how grateful he was for that. 

She said that they should meet up and talk more soon, and Seth didn't know which perspective scared him more: That she actually would follow up on it, or that she wouldn't. 

Sure, right now, she truly meant it when she said she wanted to stay in touch; she really did intend on meeting up soon. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to change her mind once she'd been able to process. Maybe she would get home tonight and suddenly realize that she couldn't do it – that she could not do the remodeling for his mother; that she could not face him again. It wouldn't have been the first time: Others he had considered friends had completely disappeared from his life after his injury – even though they had visited him in rehab and spoken of future plans. 

With those former friends, there hadn't been any complicated history like there was with Kay. They just hadn't been able to deal with a severely disabled person in their life. Maybe Kay wouldn't either. That, plus the complicated history.

Most people didn't know how to hug him. They did it frontally, bending over him in an awkward angle, and attempted to wrap their arms around his shoulders. Which meant he had to either crane his neck to an impossible degree or end up with his nose against their chest. 

Kay did it right. She was hugging him from the side, with her arms around his neck, one hand gently squeezing like she had always done. He could feel her breath behind his ear and smell her familiar scent – she still used the same perfume, the one that smelt like roses and lemon. Memories threatened to flood his mind, and he immediately pushed them away. His inner voice was screaming at the body he had lost, at the arms that were unable to hug her back. Blinking back hard against the burning in his eyes, he heard himself rasp: "Different, isn‘t it."

"Only in part." Kay placed a peck on his cheek. Then she pulled back, straightening up.

It hurt, all of it. Her hugging him, her letting go of him. Her being here, her leaving. He wanted this to be over, and at the same time, he wanted it to go on forever.

When the door had closed behind Kay, he just sat there, alone in the hallway. "Fuck", he whispered, then closed his eyes and banged his head against the headrest – his only way nowadays to physically let out his frustration. His jaw was clenched so hard that it hurt. Get a grip, Seth. He tried to take a few deep breaths, without much success. 

"Are you alright, Honey?" His mother had stepped next to him and was now laying a hand on his shoulder.

He swallowed, pulling himself together. "Yeah, I'm good." He looked at her, producing a reassuring smile. He didn't like it when others saw him upset, even his parents. 

"Is she…", his mother asked tentatively. "Is she an ex-girlfriend of yours?"

Seth couldn't help but utter a dry laugh at that question. Because of course that was what it had to look like. "No", he said. "Not an ex. Just…" – Just what? How could one even summarize who Kay was to him? He looked up, meeting his mother's gaze. "It's nothing, Mom, don't worry."

"I can get a different architect for the job."

Seth shook his head decisively. "There's no need for that. Kay is a friend, and it's been a long time, that's all. Besides, she's very talented, so she's definitely the person you'll want for the job."

His mother looked relieved. "She does seem very good. Would you believe it, she actually suggested the layout that we've been talking about. Without me telling her anything about it."

Seth had to smile. "That doesn't surprise me one bit."

 
Her text message came in the late afternoon, when he and Brian were on their drive back from physical therapy. 

"Hey. I'm really glad I ran into you today. It's been way too long."

He sent his reply once he was back at the house and had a moment to himself on the patio: 

"Same. It was good to see you again."

What else could he say? ‘Sorry again for freaking you out’? Or: ‘I hope the fact that I’m a quadriplegic now didn't freak you out too much’?

Seth sighed. He had a headache and was exhausted from the PT session. The skin on his neck was tingling slightly. Damned blood pressure issues. With the side of his head, he hit the sensor switch for the seat settings, then repeatedly puffed into the control straw until his body was in a fully tilted back angle. He stared at the sky above him and tried to relax, feeling the light breeze on his face. 

His phone buzzed, and he squinted at the screen. It was another text from Kay.

“I would really love to meet up soon and talk more. What do you think?”

Seth stared at the phone for a long moment. His headache was getting worse, and now a burning pressure in the back of his neck was announcing a neuropathy attack. Awesome. He tried to call out for Brian, but a ripple of pain forced him to focus on his breathing instead.

‘What do you think?’ Kay’s question echoed in his head, and he had no idea what the answer was. Not that a nerve pain flare and thinking went well together in the first place. 

‘What do you think?’ Seth squeezed his eyes shut, riding out another wave of burning, which was now accompanied by an invisible knife stabbing the base of his skull.

'What do you think?' 

Images started flashing up before his inner eye, and unlike earlier, he wasn't able to push them away now:

Kay stuck in the mud, cursing.
Him and her eating lunch together. 

The two of them on bicycles, riding along a shore track. 
Kay at a party, dancing. 
Both of them laughing tears at a joke. 
Kay on top of him, kissing him. 
His hands on her breasts. 
The two of them orgasming together. 
Kay making coffee. 
Kay smiling, her eyes twinkling. 

The two of them in a restaurant, silent.
Him hugging her for the very last time. 
The look on her face in the living room today. 
Kay out in the world, healthy; walking.

Seth exhaled slowly, shakily. He no longer knew whether the pain he felt was the memories flooding his mind or the agony in his neck.

‘What do you think?’ 

The answer was there now. He wouldn't send it to her, but it was clear to him:

I can't.

The next wave arrived, pulling him in.
 

To be continued...