Tuesday, April 30, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 I stepped off the city bus pulling the hood of my rain jacket over my head. Once again it was another rainy day in September. Fall was moving in with quick strides, colorful leaves were falling from the trees and blowing everywhere. A cold wind from the Sound was gusting through the streets of Seattle. I only had one block to walk to my work place. It usually took about ten minutes.

The bus closed its automatic doors behind me and with a loud engine roar pulled away from the stop, leaving a cloud of environmentally compliant exhaust behind. People who had stepped off the bus with me now scattered into all directions. It was crowded in the city with the usual morning commuters flocking into the city from the suburbs. Traffic in Seattle was a relentless chaos, too many cars, too many construction sites, and too many people.

I had been taking the bus for two years. I lived up in Queen Anne in a tiny apartment but that was all I could afford with the cost of living in this city. I worked in the customer service department of a large bank, ironically specializing in real estate financing and brokerage. The numbers that ran over my desk on any given day when it came to Seattle real estate were numbers I would never earn in my life time.

I rushed over to the cross walk waiting for the light to turn and then squeezing across the street with lots of other pedestrians. I walked faster than usually. I had plenty of time to get to work though, but I was cold and tired and wanted to get inside the warm building. My work day usually started at eight and it was only seven thirty now.

I arrived in the lobby the same time some of my coworkers arrived from other bus stops, public transportation sites, or from the actual employee car garage. I stood in the elevator and was chatting with other employees going up and getting out on different floors of our bank. The Real Estate Finance Department was on the tenth floor.

As I stepped out of the elevator, I met Matt in the hall way. At the employee entrance he held the glass door open for me.

“Good Morning Shay. How are you?”

I took off my hood and shook it out somewhat, splattering drops of rain everywhere including Matt. 

“Good Morning Matt, I’m sorry. What a mess out there?”
“Yeah, sure is. Washington fall for you.”

We stepped inside the warm hallway of our department with the lights on since it was still dark outside. I shook myself again, letting my blonde hair fall loosely over my shoulders and running my hand through it. Matt stood by and was already taking off his coat.

I looked up at him and smiled, “We’ll have this for the next seven months. I don’t even want to think about it.”
He laughed, “Right, it’s not a good thought. I miss summer already.”

He then actually helped me with taking off my coat and handed it to me.I thanked him and we both clocked into work. A few other coworkers came in through the door and we all greeted each other.

I had a cubicle in a row with five other cubicles. Matt sat two cubicles down from me. Now as I walked into my cubicle, I saw through the window it was raining even harder now. As I glanced down onto the streets for a moment, I saw the trees across from our building were swaying in the wind. I hung my coat on the hook, stashed my bag in the corner, and turned on the desk lamp over my computer. I sat down at my desk with my back against the window front. I had been occupying this cubicle for two years. 

It was personalized with a variety of my things, from a stuffed animal my older brother Chad had given me for Christmas to my college degree in a wooden frame, Bachelors in Finance. Scattered throughout my cubicle were other personal items but still decorated tastefully and not too playful. I had my professional integrity to protect and keep things somewhat conservative, especially with my wealthier clients.

As I got situated Matt stopped by once again, “Maybe we can grab lunch together today if you want?”
I looked up at him, “Yeah, maybe, let’s see how the morning goes.”
“Okey dokey, have a good morning then.”
“You too.”

Matt left and I switched on my computer. I knew that Matt had been crushing on me for a while but I had recently gotten out of a four-year relationship. Matt had just started working here about a year ago when I had still been in that relationship. Ever since the break-up, Matt had been lingering around me quite often and a few times we had gone out for drinks or lunches but I just wasn’t ready yet to get into anything else. Matt was a very patient guy.

My morning was busy and I had two clients come in for financing of homes.

I didn’t even realize how fast the time had gone by when I finally was done with my second client and Matt peeked around the corner of my cubicle, “Hey.”
I looked up from a stack of paper, “Oh hey Matt.”
“Do you want to go to lunch?”
I leaned back in my desk chair, “Oh wow, it’s already that time, isn’t it?”
Matt stepped into my cubicle, “It sure is. I was thinking Teriyaki.”
He sat down on one of the chairs in front of my desk and smiled at me, “Looks like you had a productive morning.”
“I did, I finished two deals, people happily overpaying for houses in the Seattle area.”

Matt laughed and nodded. I pushed a stack of paper together and moved it all into a folder on my desk, then set it with several other folders over on the side of my computer, “Yeah, I need to eat something.”
Matt shifted, “All right, let’s grab some lunch then.”

It was about ten minutes later when we sat in the Teriyaki place across the street from where we worked. It was still raining and we were watching people rush by outside, their coats pulled up and over their heads, some umbrellas in between, probably tourists. Of course, Seattlelites didn’t use umbrellas, we wore our rugged outdoor clothing from places like “The North Face” or “Columbia Sportswear”. Tourists on the other hand were usually known to carry umbrellas, it was somewhat of an inside joke amongst the locals.

Matt turned to me, “So how have you been?”
I finished a bite, “I’m doing good. Just getting used to living in my tiny apartment.”

After my break-up I had moved into the apartment in Queen Anne. Before that I had lived in a slightly larger apartment with my ex, maybe about fifteen more square feet but like a thousand dollars more rent every month. 

Matt then stated, “I told you, you should have moved out of the city and gotten a larger apartment for the same rent you are paying for your tiny place.”
I remarked, “And commute like an hour longer every morning and every night. No thanks.”

The living conditions were tough in Seattle and its suburbs. Rents were sky high, mortgages pretty much unaffordable unless you were rich out of your ears, and the homeless problem grew every day, people living on the streets in very large numbers.

Matt lived out in Tukwila, which was about a thirty-minute drive if the Interstate was open.
We chatted about work and living in Seattle like we didn’t already talk about that enough in our jobs. Matt specialized in commercial properties though whereas I took care of people buying houses and apartments. I dug into my Teriyaki chicken and rice bowl and looked out the large window of the restaurant. We sat next to each other with view out to the sidewalk and watched people rushing by and hurrying to wherever they needed to go.

Matt then asked, “What are your plans for the weekend?”
I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know yet. No plans yet. Depends on the weather I guess.”

Most of my friends also lived in the city and some of them were still friends I had from my previous relationship so depending on what was going on I always had to make sure I didn’t see my ex.

Matt then said, “Shay, I would really like to take you out for dinner or a movie or something.”

I had expected it was going to happen sooner or later that he would ask me out. He had been patient long enough I guess. He was an attractive guy in his mid-thirties, a few years older than I.

I looked at him and smiled nervously, “I don’t know Matt.”
“What don’t you know?”
I shrugged my shoulders, “I just don’t know if I’m ready yet to date.”
“Shay, it’s only a dinner or a movie or both.”

He was right with his statement. It didn’t really mean anything but there were things I wasn’t sure about when it came to myself. I was dealing with some things and I didn’t really want to commit to anyone.

I met Matt’s blue eyes on me. They were very nice eyes and he was an attractive guy. He wore his hair in a trendy cut, longer on top, short and faded on the sides and in the back. At work he usually wore a suit and tie and he was really an attractive man. Sometimes at work behind his desk he wore glasses and they made him look a tad bit nerdy but in a very sexy way. When he took off his glasses, he really did look very sexy and his bright blue eyes were prominent in his face.

Right now, I was looking at him and thinking to myself how I could actually be hesitant about his offer. I knew there were women in the bank who had a crush on Matt and some had tried unsuccessful to get with him or get a date out of him.

There I was sitting and looking at this very attractive man who asked me out and I was uncertain.

Matt tilted his head and smiled at me his very sexy smile, “Come on Shay, don’t leave me hanging. I want to take you out. I know a very nice Thai restaurant out in Montlake. We could go to a movie after or a drink if you want. I know you like Thai.”
I laughed softly, “I do like Thai.”
“So, what’s it going to take? Just say yes.”

The wrinkles in the corners of his eyes made him look even sexier. His blue eyes coincided with his teal tie.

I nodded, “Okay.”
Matt smiled and pretended to wipe sweat from his forehead, “Phew, I did it. Got the prettiest girl in the finance department to go out with me.”
We laughed together and he added in a more serious tone, “Thanks Shay, you won’t regret it. What time and day this weekend is good for you?”
“Saturday for sure.”
“Okay, what time?”

We decided on six o’clock on Saturday evening. Matt was going to pick me up at my apartment. 

We kept eating and as I was looking out to the sidewalk with all the people passing by, my eyes caught a figure across the street. A few cars passed by and a bus and I then got a good view again. It was a person in a wheelchair pushing the rims and coming to a halt under one of the storefront roofs. I could see it was a man and he looked like just another homeless guy out on the street, now parked in his wheelchair and begging for money.
I watched for a moment and then pedestrians blocked my view again.

Matt pulled me from my observation and followed my eyes out to the street, commenting, “It’s coming down harder now.”
I looked at my cell phone quickly and added, “I guess we have to get back too.”

Matt looked at his cell phone and agreed. We finished our lunch bowls and then slipped into our jackets. I grabbed my purse and we left the bistro.

Matt stayed close to me as we stepped outside and prepared to cross the street. I had my hood over my head and we waited at the light. My eyes wandered to the homeless person in the wheelchair. He was still there. I couldn’t see his face because he wore a hoodie and had the hood pulled far into his face.

The light turned and we crossed with lots of people to the other side, dodging the oncoming pedestrians trying to get across to the opposite side.

I kept glancing over to the guy in the wheelchair. I hadn’t seen him in our area before. Usually the homeless had their regular corners and they defended those corners with all their might. I had seen fights erupt among them before when a new person would come too close to their regular corners. I had never seen this guy in our area but I kept glancing over there now as we crossed and reached the other side. We had to pass right by him and I saw his hands held open in his lap. I felt the urge to give him some change or a few dollars. I don’t know what it was because usually I had become quite numb to the homeless begging on the corners. There were so many of them in our city that it was almost a nuisance that they were everywhere. Full homeless camps were set up under bridges or in abandoned industry lots and it was a constant topic on the evening news. 

As we passed by him I saw the hoodie he wore was pulled into his face but looking at his hands held open, they were not hands of an old person. His legs were in some torn jeans with stains and his feet were in some worn out Nike sneakers. I couldn’t see his face and we passed by without my being able to give him some money.

His wheelchair had caught my eyes too. It wasn’t one of those old raggedy or bulky wheelchairs homeless people sometimes had from written off hospital inventory or donated from a charity organization. His wheelchair looked more like a regular wheelchair non-homeless, disabled people would use. His wheelchair looked like something I would see on pictures or in video clips of disabled men who lived normal lives. It didn’t look new but it was definitely a wheelchair a person would have if they had a disability affecting their walking or couldn’t walk anymore at all. This looked like a wheelchair the paraplegic guys I followed on YouTube had, maybe an older, worn out version of a wheelchair but definitely not a bulky old hospital wheelchair.

We hurried by and got back to our office a few minutes late. Matt helped me out of my jacket again as we got to our cubicles.
“Thanks Matt.”
“You’re welcome. Shay…” I looked at him and he smiled at me, “I’m really looking forward to Saturday.”
I smiled at him, “Me too.”

He stood there as I hung up my jacket on the hook in my cubicle.
“How many clients do you have this afternoon?”
I looked at my desk calendar, “One more today, penthouse suite on Mercer Island.”
Matt whistled softly, “Penthouse huh?”
I grinned at him, “Yeah, it’s the big bucks coming in.”

We laughed and he then wished me a good rest of my day and headed to his cubicle.

I got organized and pulled the files for my next client up on my computer with the property they were interested in, valued at almost one million. And I kept thinking about the guy in the wheelchair sitting under a storefront roof about ten floors down from me begging for money.

My afternoon passed by quickly and I had a successful appointment with my client. Throughout the afternoon though I couldn’t get my mind off the guy in wheelchair. I was hoping for some strange reason that he was still going to be there and I could give him some money and maybe get a look at his face.

Everyone got ready at the same time. Matt came over and we all slipped into our jackets and headed for the elevator. My coworkers wanted to go for happy hour drinks but I really didn’t feel like it.

Jenny, a girl who worked in the same department tried to persuade me into going with them, “Come on Shay, you didn’t go last week either. What’s going on with you? Are you getting lame on us?”
We laughed and Adam, another one of my coworkers then added, “She’ll go if Matt goes.”
With that he looked at Matt and Matt smiled, “I’m up for a drink.”
I sighed and smiled, “You guys are annoying. Why are you forcing me to drink?
Matt stood next to me in the elevator and said, “I’ll go for a drink. Come with us Shay.”

I was eventually persuaded into going with them and as we stepped out onto the sidewalk my eyes quickly travelled over to where I had seen the guy in the wheelchair. He was still there and I really wanted to give him some money.

Whereas everyone was about to head into the other direction I then told them, “Hey, I’m going to run into Rite Aid really quick and I’ll be over at The Black Bear in about fifteen minutes.”
I was glad when no one protested but instead Matt just said, “I’ll hold a seat for you.”
“Okay, thanks Matt. I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

They all headed into the opposite direction of where I was going. The guy in the wheelchair was at the corner of the Rite Aid drug store. I didn’t have to get anything from the store really. It was cold and rainy still; the roads were wet and as the cars were driving through I had to watch out for them going through puddles on the street. I pulled up my collar and tugged my scarf in some more. My hands were already getting cold and I debated getting my gloves out of my purse but decided I would be okay for a short time. 

I walked toward him and even though there were lots of people walking by, no one stopped or gave him anything. He sat there hunched over in the wheelchair, and with his hood pulled into his face, his hands still open on his lap.

I had reached him and stopped in front of him. I fiddled with my coat and pulled out the five-dollar bill I had taken from my wallet earlier. He moved his head and looked up somewhat and even though I couldn’t make out a whole lot, I saw a little of his face with dark bangs hanging into his forehead and over his eyes some.

As I was about to give him the money, I saw how his hands were red and calloused. His whole upper body was shaking from the cold and now I wished I would have bought him a hot coffee or something. There was a Starbucks around the corner and I could run in there and get some coffee for him. I handed him the five-dollar bill and he took it and looked up some more and now I got a glimpse of his dark eyes below the bangs. A shadow of a dark beard was visible.

It was the voice of a young man when he said, “Thank you very much. I appreciate it.”
For a split moment our eyes met and I replied, “You’re welcome.”

I really wanted to say so much more and my mind was racing but he lowered his eyes, his face invisible again under the hood, and he stuck the money into the pocket of his hoodie.

I stood for a few more seconds with all kinds of thoughts in my head but then realized this was awkward and I had to keep moving with the crowds of pedestrians who didn’t even waste one moment on this guy.

I decided to run into Starbucks and as I stood inside, I looked at the board with trembling hands and when they asked me what I wanted I ordered a venti drip coffee. I waited for a few moments until they called my name and I grabbed the paper cup with the sleeve around it. I put some packets of sugar and creamer in a small bag and I hurried back outside. It had been at least twenty minutes already and I knew I needed to get to the pub.

Outside I mingled once again with all the people on the sidewalk and when I got to the spot where he had been, he wasn’t there anymore. I had this large coffee in my hand now and stood there clueless. I looked around for him but it was almost impossible to spot one specific person among all the people rushing along and hurrying to their busses, cars and homes.

And then I did spot a wheelchair on the other side of the street and realized it was him pushing the rims and wheeling along with the crowds of people.
He sat hunched over in the wheelchair, his hood still pulled far into his face, and his bare hands on the rims of his wheelchair.

I ran across with the next light and I felt silly when I ran after him and called out, “Hey.”

He didn’t hear or acknowledge me, most likely not even wasting a thought that anyone was actually calling him. And I felt like a crazy person, running after this homeless guy in a wheelchair with a hot coffee in my hands. I didn’t want to just waste five dollars though and it would have been weird if I showed up at the bar with a Starbucks coffee in my hand. And when I did get Starbucks every once in a while, it definitely wasn’t just a regular drip coffee. I usually had some fancy overpriced coffee cocktail like everyone else who made this company a multi-billion-dollar business.

I was right behind him now and said, “Hey.”       

He stopped in his pushing motion and came to a halt on the side of the building. I now saw he had a backpack on the handles of his wheelchair.
I got in front of him and he looked up at me, probably very surprised at seeing me again.

I held the coffee in my hand and the rain was drizzling onto the plastic lid of the cup. I looked at him and he actually moved his hood up some and I saw more of his face. His eyes were dark and flickered nervously. I saw he was still shaking and his hoodie had wet spots on the shoulders where the rain drops were landing.  

I now felt sillier than ever at this feeble attempt to be a good citizen and do something good for someone less fortunate.

I felt really dumb actually but now offered the coffee to him and tried to explain with a stutter, “I…You were not…not at the same spot but I…wanted to get a coffee for you since…since it’s pretty cold out.”

I could barely finish the sentence I was so nervous. I really didn’t know why I was so nervous. Somehow it felt like I was doing something wrong instead of something good. I felt awkward having hunted him down and basically forcing my charity on him. It seemed so selfish in a way even though it was meant to be just the opposite.

He seemed cold and nervous too but he reached for the coffee with his cold, dirty, and red hand. It was a large hand though, a strong hand from what I saw. His fingernails were trimmed but dirty.

He took the coffee from me with a shaking, blotchy hand and I tried to think of something else to say, “I’m sorry I hunted you down. I just thought…”

I really felt even sillier now saying anything else. I felt like a complete snob.
He then sat up some and looked at me directly from under his hood and through the dark strands of hair.

He did something to his wheelchair with the free hand and then added this second hand to holding the cup and now had both hands wrapped around the cup. I saw his hands were shaky and the cup trembled in his hands as he brought it down to his lap.

His voice was nervous but sincere when he now said, “That’s very kind of you. I’m sorry I wasn’t…at the spot anymore.”

Even though he sounded nervous I also heard gratefulness in his voice. It was a young man’s voice but also a defeated voice.

I wanted to say something else but he added softly, “My hands are cold. The warm cup feels good. Thank you so much.”

He still had both hands wrapped around the cup and just held it there in his lap.

I managed a smile, “Well, hope you enjoy.”
He nodded slightly, “I will.”

I stood up taller again and was ready to make my getaway.

Just as I was about to take a step he said again, “Thank you so much. It means a lot.”
His voice trembled and I could hear the insecurity in it.
“You’re welcome. Have a good evening.”

The moment I said the last sentence I wanted to disappear. How was this guy going to have a good evening? He surely wasn’t going home to his apartment with the fireplace on. More likely he was heading to one of the many shelters in town or one of the illegal homeless camps scattered throughout Seattle always on the verge of being cleared out and the people driven away just to find another spot to set up their tattered tents with all their belongings in shopping carts or backpacks. He possibly would actually end up sleeping in one of the entrance ways of a store or unoccupied building.

His evening was probably going to be one of survival of the fittest and I felt like a complete idiot.

I was stunned when he smiled nervously and said, “You have a good evening too.”

I needed to leave because I could barely stand looking at him anymore and feeling like a snobby diva. At the same time there was something about him that made me nervous in a strange way. His being in the wheelchair which didn’t look like some fake wheelchair thing but a real wheelchair that belonged to him and one he most likely depended on to get around interested me. I wondered about his disability and I wondered who he was. He was someone’s son for sure and whereas any other homeless person never occupied my mind any further because I had developed a numbness living in Seattle, with him something was different. I walked away and my head was spinning. 

Of what I had seen, he had beautiful dark eyes.

Monday, April 29, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I hurried against the main flow of the pedestrian crowds toward the pub where I was supposed to meet my coworkers. I realized I didn’t even have a Rite Aid bag on me to actually show proof that I had been at the drugstore. I didn’t want them to know that I went out of my way to actually see this random homeless guy. In hindsight the part about getting him a coffee just seemed plain ridiculous and if they would know I actually had run after him, they would probably think I’m crazy.  I couldn’t let them know.

The guy occupied my mind though. Once again it had been a wheelchair that had caught my attention. It was my dirty little secret and the source for lots of shame and guilt. I had a thing for guys in wheelchairs, always had had it. Usually though it wasn’t some homeless guy I would check out but instead I followed good looking, attractive guys on YouTube and I admired them doing their work-outs in wheelchairs, how they instructed on doing wheelies off or onto the curbs of sidewalks, how they showed their accessible homes or told their stories about how they became paraplegic. I had a serious thing for those guys and I had my channels I was subscribed to under a random name. None of my friends knew about this side of me. I had always felt it was wrong, and had kept this very ingrained trait of my personality hidden away from everyone, including my family or my ex boyfriends who had all been able bodied and fit. In my fantasies I had very different images from the real-life men I was dating.

New Chapter - Will Love Prevail

Hi friends 🌈
another week, another chapter of WLP.
Hope you had a great week. Mine was so busy with all kinds of stuff going on. Time seems to just race by me right now.
I give you Chapter 27 of Will Love Prevail.
Thanks to everyone still reading along and for the comments I get,
Hugs, Dani πŸ’Ÿ

Sunday, April 28, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Thursday morning was not very busy. I didn’t have any appointments scheduled and was working on projects and paperwork for some of my clients. I read through some informational material about the real estate market in Seattle and had to go online to take a test on some new regulations.

Matt was nice and perfectly attractive like he was every day. And even though he was a very good-looking guy, my mind kept drifting off to Jordan in his worn-out sneakers, dirty hoodie, and ripped jeans out on the street with no money and no home. I couldn’t wait for my lunch break and I was already trying to come up with an excuse for Matt in case he was going to ask me to go to lunch with him.   

My lunch break came around and I was going to try to get out of the office before Matt would even have a chance to ask me to join him. I slipped into my coat and basically snuck out of the office without anyone knowing.

I hurried to the elevator and took it down. In the lobby I greeted our security guards and then went outside. As I came around the corner of the street where I had previously seen Jordan under the Rite Aid store roof, I was disappointed when I didn’t see him in his spot. He wasn’t there and as my eyes travelled over the immediate area, scanning the sidewalks and the cross walks, I didn’t see him anywhere. It didn’t rain that day but instead it was cold and windy. Leaves from trees were drifting through the streets and with the strong wind dark clouds were rolling across the sky quickly.

New story: Cabin Fever

Hi all!  This is a new sexy story I'm writing that I hope you will enjoy!  The first part is a bit long, but hopefully you'll enjoy it!  As always, I would love feedback :)


“I think we should turn around.”

My boyfriend, Chase, and I are on our way to a romantic weekend in a cabin in Vermont.  It sounded so wonderful when he told me about it.  A nice warm cabin surrounded by snow.  Just the two of us.  No interruptions from the outside world.

But right around the time when I lost reception on my phone, it stopped seeming like a great idea.  And now that the snow is coming down fast and hard, and the tires of Chase’s Ferrari are slipping on the tiny road we’ve turned down, it doesn’t feel like a great idea anymore. 

Saturday, April 27, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Saturday came around and I did some grocery shopping at the market in walking distance not far from my apartment. I did have a small car but I didn’t use it very much really, usually to drive out to my parent’s place or to visit Chad and Amber. My car was mostly parked in an assigned spot in the garage under my apartment complex.

At the supermarket I bought a few things I needed. I didn’t need to worry about dinner that night since Matt was going to take me out. I was looking forward to the date with Matt but I also knew that I couldn’t take this any further. I stood at the register and paid. The girl behind the counter chatted cheerfully and told me how delicious the Strawberry cake, I bought a slice of, was.

I stepped out on the sidewalk with my two bags and made my way back toward my apartment. Right outside the grocery store a homeless guy was sitting on the ground with a sign in front of him stating that anything helps and God may bless us.
I dropped two dollars in the small, dirty plastic container on the ground in front of him. He looked up at me and thanked me. I nodded at him and went home.

Friday, April 26, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 5

 Chapter 5

I spent some time at the gym on Sunday and met up with my friend, Lisa, afterwards. We hung out at a cozy coffee shop in the middle of where we both lived. I didn’t tell her about Jordan but I did tell her that I had gone out with Matt and she wanted to know everything about the date. I left it at that we were taking it slow and were not together yet. She insisted I keep her updated though.

I also called my parents and talked with my mom for over an hour about work, life, my date with Matt, and about my brother Chad and his girlfriend Amber. My mom made sure I was updated on my parents’ life and we planned to meet up the next weekend.

Monday morning, I started with the daily rut of commuting to work and after I had stepped off the bus, I took a detour to pass by Rite Aid and see if there was a slight chance that Jordan would be there. It was early in the morning though and he wasn’t there.

He also wasn’t there during lunch when I used another errand to Rite Aid as an excuse to get out of lunch with some coworkers and Matt. Jordan wasn’t anywhere in sight and I was sad about that. I also didn’t see him when I got off from work and checked again on my way to the bus stop. He was not there.

Thursday, April 25, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I was taken to Swedish Medical Center Emergency Department. When they opened the door in the back of the ambulance, I saw other ambulances driving up and I hoped that one of them had Jordan in it. I sat upright on the gurney with a bandage somewhat wrapped around my head, one of the EMT’s had applied pressure the whole time while we were driving. I hadn’t called my family or anyone yet and was still trying to comprehend what had happened.

In the ambulance the EMT’s had explained to me that my ankle didn’t seem broken but was most likely sprained, an X-Ray would clarify this. I would need stitches though in my forehead and I was nervous to hear about that.  We arrived at the ER; they pulled the gurney out of the ambulance and also Jordan’s wheelchair. As we entered the ER, I saw one of the EMT’s talk to someone and hand over the wheelchair.

I was assigned a room in the Emergency Department and the EMT’s helped me get from the gurney onto the hospital bed. My head hurt a lot and every movement of my foot caused pain. The EMT’s relayed all my information over to my nurse named Kim. Eventually I had an armband around my wrist with my name, date of birth, and account number established by the hospital and the three letters NKA. The EMT’s wished me well and left to go on another call.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 7

Chapter 7

It was at almost six in the morning when Kim came back into my room before she was leaving to go home at seven.
She told me that Jordan had been restless all night and he kept asking to get discharged. Apparently, the doctor had told him he would not discharge him until later on in the morning and Jordan was frustrated about that.

I asked Kim, “Do you think I could see him again?”
She nodded, “Yeah, I’m sure it’s okay. I’ll get a wheelchair for you.”
“That would be great.”

Kim left and shortly after she came back with another hospital wheelchair and helped me into it. I was very tired but I wanted to see Jordan. My foot was propped up again on the foot rest and Kim pushed me through the Emergency Department once again. This early in the morning it seemed as it had quieted down some, not as much commotion and voices were muffled and rooms were darkened or empty.

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I was relieved that Jordan wanted me to stay. If he would have wanted me to leave, it would have been difficult and I was certain I could never have forgotten about him. We had connected and things had been said that would have been impossible to forget. I sat there in the hospital wheelchair, my leg propped up horizontally and I just looked at Jordan. He was obviously preoccupied with fighting against his body and the cravings it harbored. I had no idea how difficult this was for him. Only as I watched his body shake in a constant tremor and his hand and fingers on the bed by his side twitch without stopping, I still could hardly imagine how this was for him.

The closest thing I had come to as in drugs had been Marijuana. I had smoked pot, I had ingested it, and I had drank strangely formulated Cannabis drinks but I had never before in my life touched any harder drugs. I remembered kids in High School and even college who had fallen prey to the merciless grip of harder drugs, the drugs that make your life seem worthless and bleak, the drugs that slowly but certainly killed the person it held captive.

I watched Jordan and took a deep breath because I thought about his situation and how I now was part of it. I was part of it because I had spotted a wheelchair and I usually never missed a wheelchair and I always checked what type of person was in it. If it was a woman or an elderly person, I didn’t care too much, but the wheelchair in itself always stirred my curiosity and I wondered what the disability was that forced the person to use a wheelchair. If I wasn’t particularly attracted to the person in the wheelchair, it remained just that - the curiosity of the disability and the assistive devices that came with the disability. It had always been like that. Even though I had always been interested in all these medical things, the fear and shame of actually working in the medical field because of my strange interests and attractions had been the reason of my career choice and kept me far away from any medical careers.

Monday, April 22, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Jordan was gone and I just sat there. I felt somewhat abandoned by him. Jordan hadn’t thought twice about it, he had wanted to get out of the hospital as quick as he could.
Tears were slowly running over my cheeks as I sat there in the hospital wheelchair and thought about what had just happened.

I was startled when I heard a voice behind me, “Shay?”

Kim stood there in the door frame with a large bag over her shoulder.

I looked up and she saw my tears, “Are you all right, Shay?” 
She set the bag down on the counter and pulled one of the two chairs in the room closer and sat down, “What’s going on Shay? Are you in pain?”

I shook my head but didn’t know what to tell her. I felt silly crying in front of her.

She explained, “My shift ended, I was about to head home. I wanted to check in with you before.”

Kim handed me the tissue box from the counter. I pulled out a tissue and dabbed my eyes.

She inquired, “Is Jordan gone?”
I suppressed the last of my tears and answered, “Yes, he left.”
Kim nodded knowingly, “I guess AMA?”
I now knew what this abbreviation meant and I nodded, “He was very restless.”
Kim remarked, “His body was probably craving the stuff. Most addicts don’t stay here long and leave AMA.”

I nodded again, dabbing some run away tears with the tissue.

“Will you see him again?”
I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know, I hope so. He said I will see him again but he didn’t know when.”
“Do you have a way to get in touch with him?”
I explained Jordan’s phone situation to Kim and finished with, “He said I needed to trust him.”
Kim looked down to her feet in the nurses’ clogs and then back up at me, “So you really care about him then?”
I nodded holding the balled-up tissue in my hand, “Yes, very much.”

New Chapter - Will Love Prevail

Hi friends,
sorry about the later post but life has just been so busy lately.
I was actually in Portland this past weekend and had a great time. Not too long ago I was in Burien where my character Mark lives and I literally felt like I would have to visit Chiara and him...lol
It's so strange how attached we can get to our characters I guess, they feel so real at times.

Anyways, I edited the next chapter this afternoon since I was still off and am giving you Chapter 26 of Will Love Prevail. I just really love my characters Chiara and Mark so much and they are getting their happy ending. The story is not over yet, I want to give you a bit more of them actually being together.

So for this week, enjoy this chapter and thanks for reading, for you patience, and for commenting. Now I'm off to be a soccer mom, another one of my many personas...lol

Hugs, Yours, Dani

TOC - Table of Contents

Later today

Hi friends of WLP,
I will be posting later today. Sorry...
I was gone all weekend for a getaway for my birthday and didn't have time to get the chapter ready tonight.
But I will post later today,
Hugs, Dani

Sunday, April 21, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 10

Chapter 10

As we stood in the foyer of my apartment Jordan looked around nervously.
I wanted to make him feel welcome and reassured him, “I’m very happy you’re here, Jordan.”
He smiled, “Thank you for letting me come here.”
“Let me show you around. It’s not a very big apartment.”

I made my way in front of him and Jordan came behind me.

As we stood there, I explained, “This is the living room. Over there is the kitchen and dining area.”
Jordan scanned my apartment, “It’s a nice place.”
I looked down the hallway, “At the end of the hallway is my bedroom and master bathroom.”

My apartment was not very spacious and I was worried Jordan couldn’t get through the hallway.

I turned to him, “Do you think you can make it down the hallway?”
My judgement at the width of his wheelchair and the width of the hallway was obviously off because Jordan right away answered, “No problem.”

I rolled with my foot on the scooter through the hallway and we made it to the bedroom door.

I went all the way in, Jordan stayed back by the door and I turned to him, “So yeah, this is the bedroom, and over there is the master bathroom. There is also a small bathroom in the foyer with just a toilet and sink but it’s probably too tight for you to get in with the…with the wheelchair.”

He nodded but didn’t come in any further.

Happy Easter!

It's been a rough month for me and the holidays have been very busy.  So I don't have anything again this week.  But I should have something new next week.  Sorry for the delay!

Saturday, April 20, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Jordan and I sat in an embrace for a few moments and eventually we let go off each other. His eyes were on me and I held his hands in mine. I scanned his face and he smiled at me weakly.

I realized how Jordan now looked more like back at the hospital again, dealing with a battered and broken body and a life that seemed like a dead end. His expression was sad.
My heart wanted to burst at looking at him, I felt an overwhelming urge to be there for him.

I moved closer to him. Jordan’s eyes flickered nervously as my face was right there by his face. I moved my hand up to his cheek and he flinched at my touch. I gently let my fingers run over the side of his face. Jordan’s dark eyes were fixed on me, they were glistening and questioning.

His lips pulled me in and I imagined being a lot closer to Jordan.

Friday, April 19, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The ringtone of my cellphone startled us. I quickly sat up and grabbed it from the table. Jordan pushed himself up into a sitting position next to me. When I looked at my phone, I saw Chad’s still but smiling face on the display.

I looked over at Jordan, “It’s my brother. I’ve to get that.”
Jordan nodded.

“Hey Chad!” I tried to sound congested.
“Shay, how are you feeling?”
“I’m not good.”
I saw Jordan look at me curiously.

On the other end, Chad inquired, “Did you take some meds and get some rest?”
“I’ve been on the couch all day trying to get some sleep but I think I have a fever. I won’t be able to make it tonight.”
Chad sounded disappointed but also concerned, “Dang, that sucks, Shay. It’ll be so fun. Maybe I can come over with some meds and we can still get you up to speed and you’ll be okay to go tonight.”
“I won’t be able to make it, Chad. I’m sick really. I’m drinking lots of tea and I’m just bundled up on the couch watching TV. I’ll take some Nyquil later and hopefully will be able to sleep. I should be better tomorrow.”

Chad didn’t give up that easy, “I really think I should come by. Maybe before we go to the party. Amber can check your temperature and your blood pressure and all that. It’s such a bummer you can’t come.”
I tried to sound weaker than I really was, “Chad I’m good. I want you and Amber to go to the party and not worry about me.”
“But I am worried about you. I hate that you’re sick and can’t go.”

The annual Halloween party at my cousin’s house was one of those events with lots of friends and family members invited. Everyone knew to keep the date open yearly for the Saturday after Halloween and most people spent a great deal and effort to make sure they could make it and be there. It was usually an extensive and really fun party, stemming from the fact that my cousin’s wife Rachel was a party planner. The Halloween party was her time to shine and show her talents in throwing a party different than her usual jobs of wedding planning and the likes. Lots of memories had been made at the party in the past years.

Thursday, April 18, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 13

Chapter 13

At my question, Jordan’s dark eyes flickered nervously. He took my hand into his and gently placed it in the middle of his chest right below his sternum.

“I can’t feel anything from here on down.”

I left my hand there for a moment and thought about how Jordan didn’t have any sensation in the lower half of his body. My heart was racing as I gently traced my fingers downward into the hollow of his belly.  
Jordan didn’t say anything, his eyes were fixed on my face, and he was twirling my hair around his fingers.

Watching my own fingers run over his body, I remarked without looking at him, “So you can’t feel that?”
Jordan moved his eyes to where my hand was, “No.”
I looked up at him and he added, “I felt when you touched my chest and my arms. It felt good. Your hands are soft and warm.”

I smiled and lowered my eyes, feeling an intense longing to be a lot closer to Jordan. Being with him had made me forget about everything else. Even my own injuries and pain were suppressed into the depth of my mind. Somehow my regular life seemed so far away in some distant past that I could barely remember. Everything I knew had diminished into my unconscious mind. My mind raced around Jordan and nothing else. I wanted to be closer to him, I wanted to explore his body in whichever way that would be possible. I wanted all of him and I wanted to be everything to him. 

His body trembled under my hand and his legs were still twitching, sending faint vibrations into my legs. The inside of my thighs was warm. As my longing to tend to the pulsating between my legs intensified, I imagined actually laying on top of Jordan

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I ran my fingers over the side of Jordan’s face.
‘’Jordan, you don’t have to apologize.”
He seemed anxious, but tried to explain, “I thought I’d have some more time. I don’t know why it’s already…” He stopped talking and took some quick breaths.
“What do you mean?”
Jordan’s eyes were nervous, “Like more time before my next…my next hit.”

He shivered and I touched his arm. His skin felt cool as I let my finger run over his arm.

“Do you need to do it now?”
He shrugged his shoulders, “I’ll try to wait.”

I really wanted to get the comforter over him to keep him warm. We were laying on top of it though and Jordan would have to move so I could pull it out from under him.

“Do you want to get under the blanket?”
He wrapped his arms around himself and looked at me from behind his bangs, “I should probably put my jeans back on.”
“Yeah, of course if you want to.”

I grabbed the jeans from where I had put them on the bed and handed them to him. I watched as he pulled his left leg up with his hands and bent it at the knee. He did the same with his right leg and eventually both his legs were basically laying crisscross in front of him. He was quietly tending to this task and I could clearly see he was struggling. I could also see that he was frustrated how his legs didn’t fully cooperate with what he needed them to do. Somewhat hunched over, taking gasping breaths, he roughly pulled his jeans over his trembling feet and legs. I was thinking about offering him help but didn’t. Despite obviously not feeling well, Jordan seemed to have it under control. He leaned back and zipped and buttoned up the fly of his jeans.

As I had watched him handle his feet and his legs, I grasped so much again the reality of the paraplegia. His limbs didn’t have any life, he had to move them around with his hands, position them the way he needed them to, so he could slide his jeans over them. He hadn’t looked at me but had stayed focused on the task. The whole time I noticed his hands were shaking and he seemingly had been rushing to get his jeans back on.

Love UnSeen Continues

Hey, everyone! I hope you all are ready for a bit of angst and fluff in this week's episode! One of my biggest pet peeves are romance stories where miscommunication is the primary conflict (especially if it goes on to long), which is why I wanted to have Jack & Dan talk in this chapter. Hope you guys don't think it's too saccharine!

Don't forget to comment, especially if there's anything you want to see happen as I'm always open to suggestions. Even if I don't use your exact idea, it may inspire me of how to direct the story when I'm stuck.

Previously on Love UnSeen: Worried and hurt that despite having sex, Dan is still choosing his fiancee over him, Jackson rushes to his appointment with Harold. Unfortunately, it reminds Jackson of his guilt over his father's suicide, which Jackson blames himself for causing.

This Week on Love UnSeen: Lyn, Jackson's overprotective sister, swoops in, and Jackson is able to talk to her about his conflicted feelings for Dan. Encouraged by their talk, Jackson sits down with Dan in an attempt to determine whether or not he can be trusted.

Next Time on Love UnSeen: Dan and Jackson's first real date doesn't go as planned. Jackson is forced to recall a painful memory from his past, but Dan consoles him and invites Jackson to join him in the darkroom as a token of his sincerity.

Love UnSeen - 17

So a few things I've realized as I've been working on Love UnSeen over the past few weeks:

  1. This story is going to have a LOT more sex than anything I've ever written before. (Ironically, no actual sex in this week's episode.)
  2. This story has sooo many plot threads and tbh I'm scared about how the heck I'm going to tie them all together (nervous laughter)
  3. I know a lot of you would like to see Dan's POV, but I kind of want to stay in Jackson's for the entire book. It'll be difficult, but part of why I started this story was because you almost NEVER get the blind guy's POV in romances like this. I'll have to see where the story goes, though.

As always, the Table of Contents has been updated, in case you want to catch up or re-read any previous chapters.

Thank you again for your support and for reading! I appreciate it!


Tuesday, April 16, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I lay there on my couch and was looking through my phone, basically waiting for Jordan to finish whatever he was doing. Everything seemed surreal still but I tried to keep calm and just let things happen. I had to trust that Jordan knew what he was doing, even though it was anything but a good thing. At least thirty minutes had passed and Jordan had not come out. I got up from the couch and with my foot on the scooter I made my way to the bathroom. The door was still closed and I didn’t hear a sound from inside.

There was no response and I called his name again.
As there was still no response, I slowly turned the knob and with my heart racing, I pushed open the door, “Jordan?”

I found Jordan in his wheelchair still by the sink counter. Right away, I detected a faint odor I had never smelled before.  All the drug paraphernalia was still scattered on the counter. Jordan was hunched forward in his chair with his head resting on his arms on the counter. I rushed over to him.

“Jordan, are you all right?”

He turned his head and looked at me. His eyes seemed glazed over and he barely kept them open to look at me.

I touched his shoulder, “Jordan, tell me you’re all right?”
He managed, barely audible, “I’m all right.”

He kept his eyes in my direction but he couldn’t focus. On the counter I saw one of the syringes, a spoon with a tiny trace of a leftover brown liquid in it, mostly soaked up by a small piece of cotton material and next to all of the items was a lighter. Jordan didn’t sit up but kept his head on his arms. Around his left upper arm, I saw a rubber band dangling lose and I just took it upon myself to untangle it from his arm and dropped it on the counter next to all the other items.

“Jordan, come to the living room or the bed at least. Sit up.”

I was worried about him. He was lethargic and only barely kept his eyes open.
I didn’t think he was capable of pushing the rims of his wheelchair at the moment. In the crease of his arm I spotted a small amount of dried blood.

I stood next to him and put my hand on his shoulder, “Jordan, can you sit up? Let’s get you to the bedroom or the living room.”

He didn’t make a move or anything really. His head was still resting on his arms, he was staring into space over to the side.
I moved my foot off the scooter now and set my foot on the ground as light as possible, but it didn’t matter how careful I was, my foot still hurt. I was going to try to help Jordan sit up and somehow get him out of the bathroom.

Monday, April 15, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 16

Chapter 16

With everything that had happened and what I had dealt with over the past couple of days, my body had finally shut down. I had felt slightly off for days already and having found Jordan out on the streets that night and everything that had followed had put me in a permanent state of stress. I had tried my best to not break under the weight but at everything I had been feeling with Jordan and how things had developed, my body had put a stop to itself.

I had passed out on the armchair in my living room with Amber checking my pulse and Chad about to call 911. Amber had made sure my legs were elevated, had fanned me with a magazine, had given me water, and Chad being the strong older brother had eventually carried me into my bedroom and had gently let me down on my bed. Amber fully present in her nursing capabilities, had stuffed pillows under my legs, elevated my head, and I slowly came to. Chad ended up not calling 911 after all.

When I came to, the first person I saw was surprisingly Jordan. I blinked at him and quickly realized I was in my bed and Jordan was sitting in his wheelchair next to my bed, holding my hand.
Amber was on the other side of the bed, looking at me still holding my wrist in her hand, with two fingers on my pulse, and Chad standing behind her.
Right away tears started running out again. Jordan didn’t say anything but just looked at me with a weary expression. His calloused hands were wrapped completely around mine and I locked eyes with him.

New Chapter - Will Love Prevail

Good Morning friends,πŸ™‹

hope this finds everyone starting their week off right and in good spirits.
I have been so busy with working a lot and so much stuff going on. 😡 Been working evening shifts until midnight for the past couple of days but at least I got the chapter in on time this week, phew.

I was a bit worried last week because somehow I had to change my user from Google to Blogger (I wonder what this was about and if the other authors had to do this?).

When I didn't have any comments I thought something had gotten messed up but then I threw out a plea πŸ˜‰ and I saw that you can still comment, thanks for that and also thanks to everyone still reading this.
Anyways, here is Chapter 25 of Will Love Prevail. Hope you enjoy and thanks again,
Hugs, Dani

Table of Contents TOC

Sunday, April 14, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 17

Chapter 17

As we lay there, I felt so close to Jordan and with my face nestled to him, I smelled his hair and his skin. I couldn’t hold myself back and I softly kissed his neck.
Jordan flinched slightly and I whispered into his ear, “I’m so glad you’re here. I love you so much Jordan.”
On my lips I felt Jordan's heart beat in his neck and he replied, “I love you a lot too.”

I felt the urge to pee and said softly, “I need to go to the bathroom.”

Jordan pushed himself up on his hands and watched me closely as I sat up and grabbed the crutches from the floor, preparing to stand up.

“Are you going to make it?” He sounded worried.

I nodded and even if I would have had problems standing up, I didn’t think Jordan was able to actually assist me with this situation.

I assured him, “I got it.”
Jordan nodded and I smiled, “I’ll be right back.”

Saturday, April 13, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 18

Recap of the previous 17 chapters:
Shay, a young indedendent woman with a regular life meets Jordan, a homeless, drug addicted paraplegic. She notices him as he pan handles for money close to her work place and is stricken with him as she has always had an infatuation with men in wheelchairs. She had never imagined the man of her dreams to be a homeless drug addict though. Jordan and Shay have fleeting contact and then lose sight of each other. Shay can't forget Jordan though and wants to find him again. 
As luck has it, their paths cross again but their meeting turns into a dramatic ordeal when Shay injures herself and Jordan is dealing with health issues in addition to his addiction. Both are admitted into the hospital and that is where they basically get to know each other a lot closer and Shay's infatuation with Jordan turns into something much deeper. Jordan feels the same way but he can't imagine why a woman as Shay would waste all this time and effort on him. Their connection intensifies but Jordan has to leave again and Shay thinks that this is the end of it and she would never see him again.
But he calls her and they meet again. Jordan comes to Shay's apartment and there everything they had already felt for each other gets confirmed. Shay is completely fascinated with Jordan and he feels drawn to her but is very concerned about how their lives that should have never been intersected are now intertwined and lined with deep feelings of pain and love. They fall hard for each other but when Shay is confronted with the harsh reality of Jordan's drug addiction she worries and is very scared. In her tremendous fear she calls on her brother Chad and he is quickly by her side where he now sees who Shay had been talking about and he is concerned but also very much supportive of how his sister feels for Jordan. 
Jordan opens up about his life to Shay's brother and also confides in Shay things he had done in his life and what he had been dealing with in the past. Their romance is all but normal because pain and love are so close and Shay knows that until Jordan doesn't get his addiction under control he will never all the way be hers. But they believe that they are meant to be together. The question remains if they will be strong enough to sustain an actual relationship in which Shay has all her past fantasies of being with a man in a wheelchair come true and for Jordan to finally get a break and a chance to clean up and live a normal life... 
Chapter 18

Jordan and I sat on the couch in an embrace. Outside it had started raining harder again and the sounds of the cars on the street and the rain hitting the pavement was the only thing we heard.

Jordan sniffled his nose and he mumbled, “I’m sorry Shay.”
I shook my head without looking at him, “It’s all right. Don’t worry about it.”
He said softly, “I’m just one big problem, ain’t I?”
“No, you’re not. I’m glad you told me some of this stuff.”
Jordan took a deep breath next to me, “I’ve really been trying for a long time to forget or somehow deal with it all. I haven’t been very successful under my circumstances.”

I shifted, sat up, and looked at him.
His eyes were wet with tears and my tears were only slowly subsiding, “If you let me, I’ll help you to deal with it.”
Jordan bit his lips and then exhaled, looking over my face, “I don’t know how I can be so lucky you came into my life, Shay.”
I smiled at him, “I feel the same way about you. I’m glad you came into my life.”

Jordan laughed softly and shook his head. We looked at each other and I wished so much I could have kissed him.

NEW He's Not Mr. Perfect!

Hey there, here I am, another week late, with a new installment of He's Not Mr. Perfect. I hope you like it!
By the way, I would really appreciate if you'd tell me in the comments what you'd like to see in the future, from small things to bigger, immediate or long-run. I have some plot-developing moments planned, but I'm still very much a gardener writer, where I like to see where things take me. I'd appreciate the ideas, really. I'm a little stuck on this scene. I feel that it needs *something* before it can move to what I have planned.
Without further ado, here's

Chapter IX - Dirty Little Secret

I believe there won't be a chapter next week, since I'll leave town on Thursday morning for Easter holiday, but I might be able to schedule a new chapter of B-L-I-N-D before that, this time early into Babs and Henry's relationship. Won't make any promises, though ;)


Friday, April 12, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Jordan headed to the bathroom while I got busy in the kitchen preparing the Keurig coffeemaker and awkwardly setting the table with breakfast items.

When eventually Jordan came rolling into the living room, I was slightly disappointed to see his backpack on his lap. It reminded me that he didn’t live here and was only here temporary. He was dressed all the way, had his T-Shirt back on, his sneakers, and probably his braces under the jeans.

I decided for now to ignore the signs of his leaving. Jordan dropped the back pack on the floor in the hallway and came into the dining area where I had set the table. I had already moved one of the four chairs out of the way so Jordan could roll up to the table next to me.

He looked at the table, “It looks good.”

The coffee was steaming in the mugs and Jordan wrapped his hands around the mug and brought it up to his lips. He looked at me while he took a sip.
His face appeared fresh despite his three-day stubble and his eyes were alert. His dark hair was somewhat tamed on his head, like he had brushed through it. He smiled as he set the coffee mug on the table.

I drank from my coffee and explained, “I didn’t know what you usually eat for breakfast so I just pulled out the cereal and the milk and bagels and stuff. I'm sorry I didn’t make eggs or anything, I also have orange juice if you want that.”
Jordan confirmed, “Don’t worry, this is fine. I don’t need a lot.”
He looked at me and put his hand on my hand, “This is plenty Shay.”
I felt his hand tremble slightly over mine and I inquired hesitantly, “Are you okay right now?”
He nodded still smiling, “Yes.”

Jordan chose to eat cereal and I had a bagel with jelly and cream cheese. I wanted to bring up the phone topic again because I didn’t know if Jordan had possibly forgot about my request to get him a phone.

I started, “So I still want to get you a phone today.”
Jordan looked up at me and bit his lips, “I really don’t want you to spend that kind of money on me.”
I had expected a reply like that, “Jordan, I know you’re going to go out there again…”

I glanced over his back pack on the floor and took a deep breath.

“I want you to have a phone so we can be in touch. I can’t be stuck here or without you and not know where you’re at and not know if you’re okay.”
He lowered his eyes and looked back up at me, nodding, “Okay, I get it, but I can just get a simple prepaid phone or something.”
I shook my head, “I have money and I want to do this. We can go to the store today and I’ll get you a phone.”
Jordan deeply inhaled and exhaled, “Okay.” It seemed like an expression of giving in.

Thursday, April 11, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 20

Chapter 20

My apartment felt empty again. Having had Jordan there had been nice and it had felt good even though it had been rough for us at the same time. I wanted nothing more than to share my place with him one day.

I dropped my back pack on the kitchen counter and my eyes travelled to the small amber vial with the Oxycodone tablets in it. I had been doing all right with managing my pain and had not been needing any Oxycodone throughout the day. I looked at the vial and held it up. I unscrewed the lid and when I poured the small white tablets out on the counter, there were only four tablets.

My prescription had been for eighteen tablets and I had only taken about five. I stared at the tablets on the counter and for some odd reason I actually looked into the vial to make sure there were no more tablets inside it. Of course, there were none. I recalled in my head how many tablets I had taken and then I looked at the vial again and the label on it, making sure I remembered right. The prescription had been for eighteen tablets, to take one to two tablets every six hours as needed for pain. I stared into my apartment and took a deep breath. I knew exactly where the missing tablets were and it hurt to think about it. It hurt very much and I felt betrayed.

I let myself down on the dining chair and stared at the medication vial on the counter and my thoughts ran around everything. How could I have been so naΓ―ve? 

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Monday came and I woke up from a restless sleep with a pounding headache. My first thought was Jordan and I grabbed my cellphone from the bedside table and looked at it. There was no message or missed call from him. I thought about how I should have put a tracking app on our phones and that way I would know where Jordan was at all times. In the same line of thought, I scolded myself that this would be overkill. Jordan was an adult and I had no right to track where he was and be a control freak in that way.

I also thought about all the things that could be going on and I was worried about him. Having bought him a cell phone really meant nothing if he wouldn’t reply but I had done the same thing to him so it was no surprise really.

I pressed the actual call button and after a few rings the default voice mail message came on and I spoke with a trembling voice, “Jordan, it’s Shay. Please text me or call me. I’m sorry about yesterday. I forgive you for taking the Oxycodone, we can talk about it but please let me know that you’re okay out there. I love you.”

I lay in my bed for another hour, waiting and hoping Jordan would respond but he didn’t.
Over breakfast, I kept looking at my phone and I debated driving around to look for Jordan. I was worried sick about him.

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I was lounging on my couch when shortly after six o’clock my doorbell buzzed. At my apartment door I saw Matt on the camera with a bag in his hand.

I quickly answered through the speaker, “Hi Matt, come on up!”

Matt unknowingly smiled into the camera and pushed the main entrance door open as I buzzed him in. I stood at my apartment door waiting for him.

Down the hall he soon stepped out of the elevator and with a friendly smile he approached, “Shay, hey!”
“Hi Matt!”
I was on my knee scooter and he looked me up and down, “It’s so good to see you but my gosh Shay, I’m so sorry about what happened to you.”
I smiled shyly, “I’m okay again - somewhat. Come on in.”

Matt walked into the apartment and I caught a whiff of Chinese take-out mixed in with Matt’s masculine cologne. He walked straight to the kitchen and set the plastic bag on the breakfast bar.

I had closed the door and now joined him in the kitchen. He stood there and looked so full of life, so healthy, and so attractive. His hair was slightly ruffled on his head but he now ran his hand through it and it fell into place again. He was dressed in work attire, a fashionable cut suit with a colorful buttoned shirt under the trendy jacket. On his feet he wore grey leather dress shoes. He looked completely perfect.

Monday, April 8, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 23

Chapter 23

As we sat there for a few moments my eyes glanced at the back pack on the floor. It had left a few drops of water around it. I realized that Jordan must have gotten soaked outside.

I touched his wet hoodie, “You should probably get out of the wet clothes before you get sick.”
Jordan shrugged his shoulders, “Yeah maybe.”
I suggested, “Let’s go to the bathroom.”

I scrambled off his lap and put my knee on the scooter again. Jordan grabbed his backpack off the floor and set it on his lap.

In the bathroom he dropped the back pack on the floor next to his wheelchair. It again caused moisture and traces of dirt on the floor.

I glanced at it, “Your stuff in there is probably soaked too.”

Jordan shrugged his shoulders again

I asked, “Do you want to clean it out, wash it and everything?”
He leaned forward some and awkwardly unzipped the back pack pulling it open, “It does have all my stuff in it.”

I pulled over the stool and sat down. I watched as Jordan pulled various items from his back pack and dropped them next to it. There were socks, underwear, his other hoodie, another pair of jeans and a few T-Shirts, even a towel landed next to the clothes.

“These are all my clothes.”  
I looked from the pile on the floor to him, “And what you’re wearing.”
Jordan nodded, “Yeah, and that.”
I looked up at him, “I can find some of my stuff to wear for you while your clothes are in the laundry.”
Jordan looked up surprised and I added with a smile, “I’m sure I can find some baggy joggers or sweat pants. They’ll probably be too big for you either way.”
Jordan lowered his eyes, then looked back up, “Maybe.”
I laughed softly, “Or you can just be naked while we wash your clothes. No one will see you while you’re here.”
Jordan smiled, “You would.”
I smiled, “It’s all right Jordan. While I wash and dry your clothes you should probably take a bath and get warm anyways.”

New Chapter - Will Love Prevail

Hi friends,
sorry for the delay this morning. I was just too busy the last few days to be ready to post last night.
And maybe a bit tired too...
Well, here is Chapter 24 of Will Love Prevail.
Thank you so much for the comments last week. I was so happy to read them and appreciate them so much. Thanks for sticking with this story and reading and commenting. You guys really mean a lot to me.

Here is an updated TOC

Sunday, April 7, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 24

Chapter 24

It was during the early morning hours when I felt some movement next to me and in the dim light falling through the mini blinds, I saw Jordan sitting on the edge of the bed. I watched how he pulled his wheelchair closer and transferred into it. He quietly wheeled into the bathroom and closed the door behind himself. I turned and looked at the clock on my night table, it was almost six in the morning.

I heard some rustling in the bathroom; I heard Jordan pee but after he had flushed the toilet he didn’t come out. He was in there for about forty minutes. When he didn’t come out of the bathroom, I knew he was doing something else and even though I didn’t want to worry about it I couldn’t fall back asleep. I listened trying to make out the noises and hoping he was all right in there.

My eyes had adjusted to the minimal light in the bedroom. The bathroom door opened and Jordan’s silhouette appeared. Instead of coming to the bed though he was about to wheel out of the bedroom.

I sat up and said softly, “Jordan?”

He stopped and looked over toward me. I couldn’t see his face or his expression.

I asked, “Are you all right?”
His voice was weak, “Yeah, I’m good.”
“Where are you going?”
He didn’t answer right away and I said, “Jordan, you can come back to bed again.”
He explained with a trembling voice, “I was going…I was going to sleep on the couch. I didn’t mean to…to wake you.”
I demanded softly, “Come back to bed, it’s fine.”
He was hesitant and I repeated, “Please Jordan, come back into bed next to me.”

New story next week

Sorry, folks!  I got nothing for you today.  I needed a week off.  I've got something new, but I'm trying to figure out the best way to post it because there are several chapters prior to introducing The Guy, and I don't want you guys to get bored waiting.  So I'm trying to decide how to cut it.  In the meantime, if you haven't already, please check out my new book...

Love is Blind is only $2.99 or FREE on Kindle Unlimited

Saturday, April 6, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 25

Chapter 25

I stayed on my bed and cried. I couldn’t believe what had happened and how Jordan had just left like he did.  

It was about forty-five minutes later when I heard the key in the door and right away my brother’s voice, “Shay, it’s me.”

I called him from the bedroom.

Chad came rushing in a moment later. I sat on the bed and he quickly took off his jacket and sat down next to me. He put his arm around me and held me, not saying anything; instead he simply let me cry in his arms once again. I didn’t know what I would have done without my brother. He never judged me and always knew exactly when to say something and when not.  

After a few minutes I mumbled while Chad was still holding me, “Jordan freaked out on me. He thought I had taken his drugs and it’s like he didn’t know who I was.”

Chad held me and listened as I continued, “He was having withdrawals I think and wanted to shoot up and then he didn’t have any drugs. Even though yesterday he had told me he had brought some hits so he could stay with me. But then he didn’t have any more in his back pack and he accused me of having taken the stuff or flushed it down the toilet. I don’t know if he actually did or didn’t even have any more drugs on him.”

Friday, April 5, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Charlie unzipped his back pack and pulled out a flash light. He held it in his hand but didn’t turn it on yet. We entered the park on a gravel path. I hadn’t brought my crutches or my scooter and my foot hurt.

I couldn’t really walk too good and when Charlie realized my limping, he came next to me, “Are you okay walking?”
I nodded and mumbled, “Yes.”

The park was only sparsely lit with lanterns in even distances positioned along the path. There was no other person in sight. The gravel grinded under our feet as we walked along. I heard low rustling noises in the bare trees and soft squeaking here and there. It was cold and our breaths were visible in front of our faces as we walked along.

I tried to distract myself, “So what happened with your daughter and her mom? Were you married?”
Charlie laughed softly, “No, I wasn’t married. She was a counselor actually, her mom. Her name was Karen, and my daughter’s name is Abilena. I was in therapy with Karen and we became more than patient and counselor. We had a one-night fling of passion and she got pregnant. We decided to stay together and she quit her job where she had met me and started working for another organization so we could start fresh.”

Charlie paused and looked over at me as I was struggling to walk, “You’re in pain Shay!”
I nodded and gasped, “Kind of, but I’ll make it. How much further?”
“Almost there.”

Thursday, April 4, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 27

Chapter 27

I pulled out of the parking spot and as I drove out onto the main street I turned to Charlie, “Where do you want me to take you? If you want, you can also come to my place, it’s warm and you can take a shower.”
Charlie replied, “I don’t want to go to your place, Shay, but thanks for the offer. You’re very kind.”

I had expected this answer.

“Then let me at least buy you breakfast. I’m hungry and I’m not ready to go home yet.”
Charlie bit his lip and replied, “That offer I will accept. I’m actually very hungry.”

I drove on and thought out loud, making suggestions where we could eat, “How about Shari’s or IHOP for breakfast? Or Denny’s?”
“You chose Shay; anywhere is fine with me.”

As we drove along, I decided we would go to Shari’s diner. I knew for sure they were open 24 hours and I craved a good full homestyle breakfast. At Shari’s, we were greeted by a friendly but somewhat tired looking waitress, who led us to a table in a booth. I hadn’t missed her glancing suspiciously at Charlie, but it seemed like my being with him, eased her mind to an extent that she didn’t question his presence at their establishment. Just for the shower opportunity, I wish Charlie would have accepted my offer. I was basically used to his odors by now; I had been around him for hours after all.

We sat down in the booth, Charlie thanking the waitress in a friendly manner. She asked right away if we were ready for coffee and we were definitely ready. The waitress returned and poured hot steaming coffee into our mugs and set the bronze colored thermos on the table. We had menus in front of us and started looking over them.

I looked up at Charlie, “Pick whatever you like.”

Charlie mumbled a “Thank you” from over his menu.

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 28

Chapter 28

After I had notified my work place of Jordan’s death, I took some more time off. I was still healing physically and I had a lot of healing to do mentally. Matt sent me a heartfelt and kind message telling me how sorry he was about the encounter with Jordan at my apartment and how he didn’t know what to say about my losing Jordan. He offered that he would be available if I needed to talk or just have a friend at my side. I appreciated Matt’s offer and condolences. I hoped we would be able to reconnect as friends again, once I would go back to work.

My coworkers and supervisor sent me a condolence card; everyone had signed it. No one, except for Matt knew who Jordan was and why I had been connected to him. I assumed with time passing, people would learn about Jordan and how much he had meant to me. I wasn’t going to hide how big of an impact he had had on me and how much I had loved him.

The same was true for my friends; I informed my closest friends that I had lost someone who had meant a lot to me and I needed some time to grief. Everyone was understanding and curious and when they asked, I told them, I would let them know eventually.

Thinking about work though I knew I needed a change. I couldn’t see myself pushing six- or seven-digit numbers around anymore, when it came to real estate in Seattle. It went against everything I now knew and I started looking at other jobs and a possible different career path.

Love UnSeen is BACK!

Hey, everyone!

(TL;DR - don't want to read my author's note? Skip to the wait: Part 16)

First off, I want to say how EXCITED I am to finally be able to continue this story and share it with all of you. It's been a rough few years, but I'm determined to get this story's first draft done, and your feedback helps so much with that.

I will be posting regularly, EVERY OTHER WEDNESDAY unless something major changes, just as I did with the finale of Season 3 of In/Exhale.

As before (if you remember), I will be writing this more or less "off the cuff": in other words, I won't be polishing it like I do I/E before I post, but instead this will be more or less a first draft. So that means there likely will be bumps along the way, especially as I am NOT an outliner (because no matter what I do, things never work out the way I plan).

I will try to keep a chapter or two ahead if possible. The good news is with my new medication and med schedule so far I'm feeling SO much better. It's wonderful to be inspired to write AND have the energy and lack of pain so I can actually do so. I don't want to make any promises, because with my illness I can't predict one day from the next, but for the first time in a long time I'm really hopeful that I'll be able to write (and post) regularly as before.

So while Love UnSeen is my first priority right now, I'll also be steadily working on the e-book for Season 3 of I/E, and writing S4, so that can be posted hopefully by the end of this year. Additionally, I will *finally* be able to get UnConventional available again, both as an e-book and in print (the latter for the first time ever!). I also may end up writing and posting a few random fanfics, but again, it all depends on how things go.

Needless to say, hopefully we'll be seeing each other regularly for quite some time!

I was lazy and didn't do a summary of the first 15 parts. So you probably want to re-read at least a few parts, if nothing else. But here's the quick and dirty:

Overall (Very Succinct) Summary: After a break-in shatters his security, Jackson Santoro, a blind man with CP living in New Orleans, is forced to take on a roommate, Dan Oldendorf.  Except Dan is the man Jackson has been fantasizing about ever since he met him at his sister's wedding. Their mutual attraction draws them together, despite Dan revealing he's currently engaged. To a woman.

Previously on Love UnSeen: Jackson and Dan have sex, all of Jackson's concerns about Dan's lies fading into heated touches and sensual kisses. But what else is Dan hiding? And why is Harold, the current king of Cadmus, the Mardi Gras krewe Jackson's ancestor founded--who hates Jackson--suddenly so interested in him? And will Jackson's abusive ex, Benji, finally stay out of his life?

This Week on Love UnSeen: Jackson and Dan's second round is abruptly interrupted by a phone call. Jackson goes to Harold's for his costume fitting, which dredges up the painful past.

Next on Love UnSeen: Jackson's sister consoles him and urges him to confront Dan, which he does, with unexpected consequences.

And now, without further ado . . .

Love UnSeen - Part 16


PS - Catch up with the updated Table of Contents. Please note I have *fixed* all the posts so you can travel from one chapter to the next directly via a link at the bottom of the page.

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

What It Was - Chapter 29

Chapter 29

I kept seeing Toby at the Mission and it was on one of the Saturdays in May when I was finishing up in the office. Theo had been out on vacation for two weeks; I had been running all operations at the Mission on the weekends. I was sitting over some paperwork when it knocked and I called for the person to come in. I was surprised when Toby came rolling into the office.

I sat up straighter in my chair behind the desk, “Toby, hey! What’s up?”

He pushed his rims and with barely any noise his wheelchair smoothly rolled up to the desk.

He smiled at me, “Nothing really.”
I shifted in my chair and smiled at him, “What can I do for you?”
Looking at me curiously, he asked, “I was wondering…what do you do outside of working here and at your regular job?”

I was nervous at the question and cleared my throat.

Monday, April 1, 2019

What it Was - Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Toby didn’t live far from “Le Petit Maison”. At the bus stop, we waited for the next bus to take us about three blocks to where Toby lived. He told me that in the city he usually took the bus and even though he had a car, it was mostly parked.

As the bus pulled up, the bus driver let out the ramp in the front of the bus where we were getting in. Toby already held his bus pass in his hand and as he entered, the bus driver greeted us friendly. We moved to the assigned space for wheelchairs right behind the driver. Since I had been riding the bus for some time myself, I had often seen disabled persons using walkers or in wheelchairs get on, usually in the front.  

At the assigned spot for the wheelchair was a two-seater bench right next to it. I had never before sat in these seats as they were reserved for disabled persons or their company. I sat down as Toby locked the break on his wheelchair. A few more people had gotten on with us and everyone was taking their seats. The bus driver started the bus and we took off. I witnessed as Toby put his hands next to his hips and quickly lifted his butt off the wheelchair seat, smiling at me.

New Chapter - Will Love Prevail

Happy Monday friends of "Will Love Prevail"🌎
Hope this finds everyone doing great. I've had a busy week and couldn't spend nearly as much time as I wanted with Chiara and Mark πŸ’‘ but I think I got them ready for you for this week.
So here is another Monday morning 12 am in the middle of the night and I hurried to get the chapter edited and ready to post. πŸŒ†πŸŒœ
Here is Chapter 23 of "Will Love Prevail".
Thanks for all the awesome comments last week and to everyone still reading this story,
Big hug,πŸ’–

Table of Contents TOC