Not Gay - Chapter 26

Jay pops into Darren's house so often on weekends now that he doesn't think it necessary to announce his visits beforehand. One wintry Saturday, when he rings Darren's doorbell as usual, an older woman opens the door instead of his boyfriend, smiling widely.

 "Oh, hello dear?" the woman greets him, a rusty pair of scissors and a few flowers in her hand.

Jay takes a step back and glances at the name on the door, making sure he didn't accidentally ring the wrong house. They all still look quite similar to him.

"Um..." he stammers.

"You must be Jay!" the woman suddenly exclaims. She takes scissors and flowers in one hand and offers the other to shake. "I'm Margarete."

"Uh... nice to meet you," Jay replies, shaking her hand and trying to smile through his confusion.

"I'm Darren's mother," the woman adds. She has long, white-gray hair and piercing blue eyes that seem to be able to look through walls.

"Oh..." Jay almost takes another step back. Darren's parents are here? He knows they visit frequently - after all, it's their old home and they still live nearby. Usually, Darren warns him beforehand, so they've never actually met.

"Come in, come in, it's so cold outside." Darren's mother, Margarete, ushers Jay inside. Indeed it's snowing, although only a few small flakes dance through the air and melt as soon as they touch the ground.

Margarete takes Jay's coat and hangs it on a coat rack in the entrance area that Jay hadn’t noticed before. Jay places his slightly damp shoes onto a shoe tray that he swears hasn't been there before, either.

"Um..."

"Darren is outside, honey, helping his dad set up the lights."

"The lights?" Jay follows Darren's mom to the table in the living room, where she resumes cutting the stems of the flowers.

"The Christmas lights, of course," Margarete says, as if that clarifies everything, and hands him a few flowers. "Would you be a dear and arrange them?" She points to a flower vase on the table. Jay hasn't seen a flower vase in this house before, and definitely not one with actual flowers in it.

"Okay..." Jay hasn't arranged flowers in his entire life, but he humors Margarete and tries to put them together in a way that he hopes looks right.

"Very nice, you've got a good eye," Margarete comments, squeezing his forearm, and hands him the rest of the freshly cut flowers. Jay wouldn't know the name of the flowers if his life depended on it.

"Looks much better already, don't you think?" Margarete takes a step back from the table as Jay finishes with the flowers, looking around the living room.

Jay copies her, but save for the flower bouquet which looks a bit like a mess he's afraid, and a few Christmas-y decoration items like a Christmas elf on one of the shelves, he can't say much has changed. He nods anyway. "Much better," he mumbles.

Margarete disappears into the kitchen, and Jay spots Darren outside on the lawn, in his wheelchair. He's staring up at something out of Jay's field of view, his left arm jerking. After a few seconds he nods, lifting a fist, and as his arm sinks back, he notices Jay. He yells something to someone Jay can't see and pushes against the joystick, the wheelchair whirring toward the terrace.

Jay opens the terrace door, which was only closed but not locked, sticking his head out. "What the hell?" he mouths silently.

"Hi," Darren greets him, stopping the wheelchair shortly in front of the door. The tires have left muddy tracks on the terrace tiles. "Sorry," he adds in a low voice. "I tried to tell them no. But they insist on getting the house ready for Christmas. They've already finished decorating their apartment. It's too small, I'm afraid, so it didn't satisfy them."

"You could have warned me," Jay murmurs.

"I did!"

Jay checks his phone and indeed there are some missed calls from Darren. No reception on the train again, Jay assumes and sighs.

"Tell him to wipe his tires before he comes inside," Margarete's voice calls from behind Jay.

Jay raises his eyebrows at Darren, who groans.

"Yes, Mom," Darren mumbles. He looks at Jay apologetically. "Would you...?" He gestures at a rag lying in a heap on the terrace, presumably for the purpose of wiping his tires.

Jay rolls his eyes and makes a show of kneeling down and wiping the front tires that are within his reach, although he secretly enjoys the task. He motions for Darren to move further in, and the wheelchair jolts forward as Darren knocks his hand into the joystick. When the tires are more or less as clean as they're going to get, Darren fully enters the house and Jay pushes the door closed again.

"Did you finish with the lights?" Darren's mother asks. She sticks her head out of the kitchen, drying cutlery with a towel in her hands.

"Yup," Darren confirms and wiggles out of his coat. "Dad wants to set up Santa and the whole lot, too."

"Does he?" Margarete disappears back into the kitchen with a sigh.

"He's almost 70," Darren continues the conversation, calling after her. "He shouldn't be climbing on the roof at that age. The ladder was sketchy enough already."

"You know your father..." Margarete says from within the kitchen.

"He should wait until Julek is here to help."

"Can't Jay do that?"

Darren turns to Jay, and Jay feels like Darren just realized he has two working legs and arms, just like his housemate.

Margarete sticks her head out of the kitchen again. "Oh yes, that would be wonderful, honey." She smiles warmly at Jay.

"Uh..." Jay scratches his head. "Sure?" He doesn't even know what he's agreeing to, but if Julek can do it, so can he. Or at least that's what he assumes.

That’s how Jay ends up climbing through a small window onto the roof. The roof is sloping at a steep angle, but there’s a narrow sort of short gangway leading parallel to the gutter, which Jay reaches by dangling his legs down from the window. He carefully walks over the metal grating, purposefully not looking down, glad for his dance training that gives him impeccable balance. It’s not far until he reaches the spot where an older man sticks his head over the roof. He has graying short hair, and a thick mustache in a broad, lively face. It’s Darren’s father, up on a ladder that he moved to the front of the house. Earlier, as they had briefly discussed the task ahead, he had introduced himself as Rob.

Rob sweats and mutters under his breath as he heaves a large plastic figure up over the top of the ladder. Jay recognizes the sleigh with Santa in it. Rob detaches the rope with which he pulled the entire structure up to the top of the ladder and Jay kneels down to grab it.

“Santa goes here,” Rob instructs, pointing to the end of the gangway. “The reindeers go here and here. Fix them first with these on the grating,” Rob says, handing Jay a few metal rods and screws. “I’ll get the rest of the gang.”

Jay puts Santa down in front of him and struggles to keep from dropping everything.

It takes a while for Jay to set it all up. Santa in his sleigh, and a bunch of reindeers. All aligned in a row, straight and fixed securely first onto the grating, then to some hooks in the roof with a guy wire, twice, as to Rob’s instructions. Jay’s back hurts, his shoes are wet and his fingers are aching from the cold as he finally ropes them together and uncoils the last bit of electric cord to hand down to Rob.

“Perfect,” Rob says, lifting his thumb, and Jay exhales relieved. He carefully makes it back the way he came, glad when he can finally climb back inside. The window he used as entrance to the roof belongs to Julek’s room, or that’s what Jay assumes based on the ever-present color green once he’s back inside, from the bed cover to the shawl tacked to the wall, which reads “Legia Warszawa” in bold letters, and hangs right next to a small bronze cross.

They all meet outside the house, on the sidewalk, where Darren and his mother are admiring the decorations.

“Now, watch as I fire them up,” Darren’s father calls to them, grinning broadly as he flips a switch on a cable drum with several cables plugged in. It’s already dark enough for Santa and the reindeers to start glowing faintly against the gray sky and Jay’s mother gives a happy whoop, embracing her son who covers her small hand with twitching fingers, smirking slightly.

“Well done, Jay,” Rob says, giving Jay an appreciative clap on the back that nearly throws Jay over.

”No problem,” Jay mutters, rubbing his hands to warm his fingers.

Darren’s mother kisses the top of Darren’s head and then disentangles herself to pull a surprised Jay into a hug. “Thank you so much, Jay. This means a lot to us,” she says into his shoulder.

Jay smiles bewildered at Darren who nods at him, his eyes twinkling amused.

”You’ll stay for dinner, will you?” Margarete asks, holding Jay at arm’s length and smiling at Jay who really can’t find a way to refuse.

Luckily for Jay, Julek arrives from soccer training not much later and shortly before they sit down at the dining table in the living room Chelsea joins them, breathless but clearly thrilled at the prospect of warm food. Rob quickly adds another plate and pair of cutlery while Margarete serves Jay first, smiling at him, and then the others. They all tuck in hungrily and Jay gives a small moan at the tender meat and delicious sauce, blushing when Chelsea laughs at him.

”What?” Jay asks, looking at Chelsea, and then says to Darren’s mother: “This is so good, Margarete!” He means it with all his heart, and as the rest of the table joins in the praise, Darren’s mother blushes and waves her hand dismissively, but her smile is very pleased. Darren winks at Jay from across the table.

Rob and Julek talk soccer for a while and then Chelsea tells Darren’s parents about her studies, so Jay is comfortable enough just to enjoy the food while his limbs are slowly defrosting again. There’s only one brief moment when the attention turns to him as Margarete asks how Darren and Jay have met and Chelsea almost chokes on her drink and turns away, coughing and grinning. It confirms Jay’s suspicion that Chelsea knows quite a lot, which he had had all along. Julek’s face is impenetrable as always. But then Darren just says: “Jay is a friend of Chris’,” and Darren’s mother seems satisfied by that.

“Oh, how is Chris?” she inquires and Jay is glad the conversation turns away from him again.

He isn’t sure he would have survived a full on interrogation by Darren’s parents just now.

After dinner, Jay insists on helping Margarete and Rob clear the table, but when he tries to clean the kitchen, Margarete shoos him out. Not much later, Darren's parents bid their goodbyes, and Julek and Chelsea disappear upstairs. Darren and Jay retreat to Darren's room and snuggle on his bed. Since Darren's bed is a twin size and Darren isn't exactly small, there isn't much choice anyway.

"My parents like you," Darren says, smirking, his left arm draped over Jay's shoulder.

Jay groans and lightly punches Darren's hip. "I know. It's not like that, though."

Darren raises his eyebrows. "What's it like then?"

Jay shrugs. "They're very nice. It's hard not to like them."

"I bet they think the same about you," Darren muses, his face unreadable. When Jay doesn't answer, he adds: "I do."

"Hm..." Jay blushes and refrains from fidgeting, afraid he'll fall off the bed otherwise. They discussed getting a wider bed for Darren a while ago. They went on an online search but couldn't find beds that met Darren's requirements and still fit into his room. Since Darren's room was originally meant to be a guest room only, it's not very big. Any larger bed was either not adjustable or too wide, so Darren's wheelchair wouldn't fit through beside it.

"You're very lucky, anyway," Jay says, settling his cheek against Darren's broad chest.

Darren's left fist rubs along Jay's upper arm, and although it's not very tender, it feels comforting.

"I know," Darren sighs. "Although they can be damn annoying. I mean... holy shit, it's still five weeks till Christmas! And did you notice them trying to make improvements to the rest of the house? Like... an umbrella stand! With umbrellas! My mom claims she just found it somewhere."

Jay chuckles. "Yeah, really infuriating. How dare they be so caring!"

When Darren pokes him in the side, probably harder than intended, Jay yelps, pretending to fight back, and almost falls off the bed in the process. Darren's laughter is genuine, the bed shaking with it, and Jay joins in, giggling while he clings to his boyfriend.

"Hm... They could be worse parents," Darren admits once they've sobered up. Darren's legs tremble, his knees drawing higher as he uses his palm to wipe away tears of laughter.

Jay considers his boyfriend in the moment of quiet following this statement, Darren appearing absorbed in thoughts. He looks relaxed, Jay notices. Happy, even.

Smiling, Jay makes himself comfortable at Darren's left side again, inhaling the familiar scent, feeling Darren's body twitch against him from time to time. Darren's hand finds its way back to Jay's shoulder, trembling fingers brushing over his upper arm, his back, in a way that may seem casual but Jay knows is anything but. He arches into Darren's touch and scoots even closer, giving him better access. Darren's large hand wanders lower and cups one of Jay's ass cheeks. Jay gasps, stretches a little and nips at Darren's earlobes, causing Darren's fingers to squeeze slightly.

Moaning into Darren's ear, Jay bucks his hips, realizing he's getting hard. He sneaks one hand between them to squeeze his growing erection through the fabric, biting his lips at the mounting pleasure, his breathing slowly accelerating.

"I love seeing you enjoy yourself," Darren mumbles, his eyes traveling over Jay's body next to him, adoration evident in his voice. He shifts his hand on Jay's ass, and Jay shivers with arousal. "God, you're so responsive."

Jay moans and slips his other hand under Darren's shirt to caress his firm stomach and chest. His fingertip circles Darren's nipple, lightly flicking it. Darren makes a hungry sound and catches Jay's lips, his kiss full of intent, his tongue demanding and sure between Jay's teeth.

Darren breaks the kiss, leaving Jay reeling for more. "Want to see you naked," Darren growls, resting his head back against the headboard.

Jay complies and gets off the bed to strip off his pants and underwear under Darren's appreciative glance. As he climbs back into the bed, his cock bobs obscenely between his legs, and he blushes, feeling suddenly very vulnerable next to the still fully clothed Darren.

Darren tries to reach with an unsteady hand and Jay catches his wrist, guiding his hand to his member, his fingers closing lightly around it. It's too lax, decidedly not enough friction, and still Jay immediately feels light-headed, his pulse racing, the blood rushing in his ears.

"Darren... Oh god, yes, that's it."

Jay attempts to sneak one hand behind himself but when he lets go of supporting Darren's hand, Darren's hand slips off him. Jay picks it back up, leading it instead to his ass.

"Jay..." Darren's tone is a warning, but Jay ignores it, pushing Darren's index finger against his entrance using his own, moaning as it almost breaches him.

"Darren, I want you to... I need you..." Jay isn't sure what he wants Darren to do. He drops Darren’s hand and hops off the bed, ripping open the drawer next to it to retrieve a bottle of lube. He spreads a copious amount into his hand and onto Darren's fingers as well, leading them back to his entrance.

"Jay." Darren sounds almost pleading, and again Jay ignores him trying to jerk his hand free.

"Need to feel you," Jay murmurs, pushing one of Darren's fingers in, only the tip, and almost keels over from the sudden pleasure it elicits. Darren's finger is different than his own, broader maybe, despite the lube he notices Darren's skin is somehow less smooth. It stretches him, but the pain is barely noticeable anymore. Jay has had some practice during the last few days, since his phone conversation with Darren that went totally out of hand.

Darren's hand twitches and Jay keeps it steady with both hands and tries to sink deeper onto Darren's fingers, but finds it's impossible. He can't control Darren's finger and keep his hand steady at the same time he realizes. When Jay wiggles around a little, Darren's finger slips out of him, leaving him painfully empty and longing for more.

"I'm sorry," Darren says, and he looks every bit like he is. "I told you this isn’t going to work."

He did, and Jay hadn’t wanted to accept that. He realizes how oblivious he has been. "No, it's..." Jay's brain is foggy with how fast his heart is beating. “I’m sorry.” He reaches for Darren's hand again, wrapping his fingers around his cock. "Make me come," he begs. “Please.”

Darren groans, his eyelids fluttering shut for a second. When he opens them again, they are focused on Jay. "Okay. Let me see... what you've learned," he manages to enunciate with some effort.

Jay complies, reaching back and between his legs again, leading one lubed-up finger up his entrance, hissing at the sensation.

"Fuck, yes." Darren's gaze never leaves Jay's face, his fingers around Jay trembling slightly, but luckily he maintains his grip. Jay needs his other hand to hold himself upright, leaving Darren on his own.

Darren watches Jay get off on his finger for a while, praising him in a low voice, pouring words of love and appreciation over Jay until Jay feels like he's floating, happy and mindless, some hand-width above the mattress. When his muscles give way, Jay adds a second finger, then a third. He hasn't been this full ever, he usually made himself come by accident before, but this time he stays clear of his prostate on purpose, trying to draw this out, for Darren’s enjoyment. Darren's hand has slid down Jay's cock, his index and thumb circling Jay's base, applying some pressure that keeps him grounded. Darren’s half-lidded eyes rest on Jay.

"Doing so well, babe," Darren coos, his voice hoarse and slow with his own arousal. His right arm writhes in his lap, his legs jerk upward at the knees at intervals. He doesn't seem to pay attention to his body, he's laser-focused on Jay.

"I want… want to come,” Jay gasps. “Make me come... Please, Darren," Jay grinds down on his fingers, his hips snapping forward feverishly, his cock dripping and begging Darren’s hand to move. "Please!” He knows he won’t be able to jump over the edge like that, he needs more.

Darren gives a pained groan, his left hand twitching a little with the attempt to stroke Jay, but not accomplishing much. His frown is deepening, his eyes growing dangerously dark.

Jay senses his boyfriend is about to pull away and he backtracks. “Forget it, it’s okay, it’s…” Jay shakes his head frantically, sending droplets of sweat flying. He groans frustrated and scrambles for purchase as he tries to put his other hand to use, noticing he'll lose his balance on the edge of Darren's bed if he doesn't hold himself up.

“Oh, Darren, fuck…” Jay doesn’t want to remove his fingers but at the same time he’s sure he won’t be able to stand this for much longer. The need to come is overwhelming by now, all his muscles tensing with it.

Darren blinks, then nods. “Babe, look at me.” He has to concentrate hard to talk, his head pressed back into the pillows, the muscles in his neck twitching. “You’ve been so… good. Show me how you can come… on your fingers."

Jay whines as he decodes the slurred words. For a second, his release appears to be ready for the taking, right in front of him, but then—

"Ah! Darren!"

Darren's hand has slipped off Jay and Jay whimpers with need.

Darren stares at his left hand, willing it to creep back, his eyebrows knit together in concentration. As Darren's trembling fingers finally close around Jay's cock again, squeezing slightly, Jay gasps and meets the spot within himself, his fingertips driving into it in unison, letting sparks explode behind his closed eyelids.

"Oh god... Darren!"

There’s sweat on Darren's forehead now, both from the effort of controlling his left hand and the heat of the moment. Darren’s weak tugging at Jay's cock and Jay's fingers slipping in and out of him, and against his prostate each time have Jay soon writhing and begging, his cock leaking.

He's so close, teetering on the edge, every fiber in him screaming for release. If only— "Please, Darren, please, want to come..."

"You can do it babe, looking so good. So… hot. Incredible. Come for me, Jay," Darren says slowly, his voice thick but so sure, Jay pauses for a second, staring at him, and almost doesn't see it coming before his orgasm hits him like a freight train. Darren squeezes his hand around Jay in one last herculean effort, milking Jay with jerky motions, while Jay shoots rope after rope of come over Darren's trembling fist.

Panting and shuddering through aftershocks, Jay removes his fingers from within himself, feeling strangely empty and cold all of a sudden. “Oh god, Darren. Thanks. I didn’t think… that was… holy shit, really…” He stops himself, realizing he’s not making much sense.

"Darren..." Jay groans after a while, his teeth set. Darren's hand is still wrapped around Jay's softening cock, squeezing relentlessly, and what was pleasurable just minutes ago is becoming less comfortable with any passing second. "Darren, it's..." Jay hisses, his cock jerking weakly, milked to the last drop. "It's alright, you can... ah, shit!" The way Darren's stiff hand trembles around him is pure agony and Jay writhes, trying to get away.

But Darren's hand doesn't budge and there's a crease of concentration in Darren's forehead, a disbelief in his eyes as he stares at his recalcitrant hand. Jay finally understands the situation and gently pries Darren's fingers off his oversensitized member.

"Sorry," Darren drawls, his speech slurred, and tries to flatten his hand by pressing it into his thigh. "I really didn't mean to... Did I hurt you?"

Jay shrugs and shakes his head. "Still attached," he quips, echoing Darren's own humor. His eyes drift to Darren's hand, claw-like in his lap, then notices Darren's accelerated breathing and the obvious bulge in his pants. "Do you want me to…? Um… Are you alright?” What a stupid question he realizes with a look into Darren’s ashen, sweaty face. Darren is clearly in pain. “Should I… I can give you a massage, if you like? Or I can… but only if…” He stops his babbling, his cheeks heating. “Tell me… what you prefer. Please,” he says softly.

Darren attempts to shift, resulting in his legs jerking violently. His right arm trembles, pressed to his side, his left threatening to follow suit. “Uh…” Darren makes, clearly torn between seeking release and being more comfortable.

After a moment of watching Darren, Jay decides he can give him maybe both in one setting. Still panting from his own climax, he slowly unzips Darren's pants, checking in with his boyfriend. He frees Darren’s erection, expecting a sudden increase in the movement of Darren’s legs, and isn’t disappointed. He wraps his hand around Darren and starts with firm strokes, watching Darren's face intently, noting every change in his expression, every sharp intake of breath. Darren's head presses back into the pillow, his back arching as particularly strong spasms run through him.

“Alright?” Jay asks, slightly increasing the pace as Darrren’s muscles tense further, his body starting to tremble as a whole. Darren manages a half-nod, his eyes closed in pleasure or against the pain; Jay can’t figure out which of the two. Muffled sounds escape Darren’s lips as he tries to speak while Jay works him consistently, twisting his wrist slightly on the upstroke in the way he knows Darren likes. Darren’s breath comes in irregular intervals, his groans growing more and more desperate.

Jay leans in, pressing soft kisses along Darren's clenched jaw and his exposed neck as he continues, using his free hand to steady Darren's twitching hip. “Jay… ‘m cl-close,” Darren manages to croak near Jay’s ear, almost unintelligible, quick gasps falling from his open lips.

Jay moans, his spent cock giving a weak twitch between his legs. “It’s okay, Darren,” he whispers, his hand keeping up the pace, unfailing. “I’ve got you.”

With a low, guttural moan that sounds part pain, part pleasure, Darren reaches his climax. His entire body goes rigid for a moment before violent tremors take over. He spills over Jay's hand and his own stomach in uneven spurts, his muscles contracting forcefully. Jay strokes him through it, only slowing when Darren's body starts to relax, his heaving breaths coming easier, his legs stilling.

Darren’s eyes find Jay’s.

“Holy shit,” Jay summarizes, grinning weakly. He hopes he made the right call in bringing Darren off instead of focusing on soothing his muscles in other ways. Darren doesn’t attempt to speak but his chest vibrates with silent laughter, the skin around his eyes crinkling as he looks at Jay.

Thank god.

When they’re both breathing more evenly, Jay locates the box of tissues and cleans himself. Then he moves Darren's left hand into his lap, cleans and massages the still somewhat stiff fingers. He bends and rotates the wrist, until Darren seems to regain some function.

“Are you trying to put Julek out of his job?” Darren murmurs, his speech still slightly slurred, but a contented smile on his face.

“Nope,” Jays says lightly, placing the box of tissues onto Darren’s chest. “Just enabling you to clean yourself.”

Darren gives him the stink eye, but then chuckles quietly and reaches for a tissue.

Later, Jay almost falls asleep lying draped over Darren, lulled to sleep by the incessant swaying motion of Darren’s spasms softly running through his body. He yawns, pulls himself upright and kisses his half-asleep boyfriend goodnight before he drags himself to the couch in the living room.

There’s got to be a better solution than this, he thinks as he rearranges the pillows to sleep more comfortable.