"Good morning," Jay greets his boyfriend. He leans over the wheelchair's armrest to give Darren a quick kiss and rips open the packet. "There."
Darren frowns at Jay but then seemingly can't help smiling. "Morning." He fills the coffee beans into the designated compartment of the coffee machine. Only a few escape and land on the counter and the floor as his hand holding the packet jerks slightly.
"Oh... delicious." Jay almost burns his fingertips as he steals a strip of already pretty crunchy bacon out of the sizzling pan. "Gonna hop under the shower for a second, alright?"
Darren nods, turning the wheelchair around with his left hand curling around the joystick. "Breakfast is almost ready, as you probably know," he says with a wry grin.
Darren has already changed into fresh clothes, wearing a green knitted sweater and a pair of dark gray pants. He looks as crisp as ever, though his beard needs a trim. Moving a hand over the slight fuzz on his own chin once he's gotten rid of the shirt he slept in, Jay wonders if Darren would ever ask to shave him. Maybe Darren doesn't trust him to be proficient enough, and it's probably a wise call. Jay gave up on growing a proper beard years ago.
Once under the steaming torrent of water, Jay rinses off the stickiness from last night, wondering with some guilt if Darren cleaned himself at the sink, while Darren is busy driving back and forth between the kitchen counter and the table, putting out plates, coffee mugs, cutlery, toast, and butter. He places them on the surface coated with a layer of flour, between dirty dishes, bowls with crusty flecks of dough and oily spoons.
They eat breakfast as if they'd been starving for days. When the last bit of bacon and bread crumbs has disappeared, Darren leans back against the backrest of his wheelchair and groans approvingly. His hands rest on the armrests of his chair, the right only twitching minimally.
"Thanks for breakfast," Jay says with an equally satisfied grin. He eyes the chaos surrounding them and sighs dejectedly.
Darren lazily follows Jay's gaze. "You do have someone who cleans your apartment, don't you?" he murmurs.
That makes Jay laugh until tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. "I do, yes," he confirms. "But boy, he won't set foot in here if it looks and smells like this."
Darren groans. "Damn."
It takes another twenty minutes for them to finally cave in to the fact that the apartment won't miraculously clean itself. Darren blasts some Christmas Evergreens from Jay's sound system and hums along as he trails on Jay's heels, a plastic bag quickly filling up on his lap.
"Whose is this?" Jay asks Darren, holding a sweater of undefinable color as far away from his body as possible. The threadbare fabric has numerous holes in it and is sticky with pizza topping.
Darren shrugs and holds the plastic bag open for Jay to dump the piece of clothing in it.
"Oh, look at that." Jay bends down to retrieve Chris' Santa hat from under the couch. He turns and tries to wrestle it on Darren's head, but the wheelchair reverses, causing Jay to stumble and catch himself on Darren's armrests.
"Looks much better on you anyway," Darren jokes, snatching the hat from Jay with surprising nimbleness. A trembling fist lifts the hat up to Jay's shoulder, and Jay grins and ducks slightly, steadying Darren's elbow. Jay pulls the other side of the hat down over his head.
"Now? What's it look like?" Jay steps back and twirls around, making the furry ball at the end of the hat soar in an arch around him.
"Cute. You look like one of Santa's elves," Darren says, his lips twitching in amusement, his eyes locked on Jay dancing.
Once they've sorted the living room, removed the trash and wiped the surfaces, they return to the kitchen to make sure there's really no bacon left in the fridge. Then Jay empties the dishwasher and Darren refills it while Jay stands at the sink to wash the rest of the dishes. Done with his task, Darren joins Jay to towel dry dishes on his lap.
"This is the last one, finally," Jay sighs, placing a dripping, cleaned bowl on the rack and stretching his sore back. "No idea why Chris needed hundreds of— Woah!"
The electric wheelchair drives into Jay's legs from behind, making them buckle, and Jay lands neatly in Darren's lap. Laughter rumbling in his chest, Darren nips at Jay's earlobes, causing lightning bolts to shoot up Jay's spine.
"Thought we'd never be finished with cleaning..." Darren murmurs with his lips at Jay's pulse point, his beard scratching Jay's throat.
"Um, I haven't really gotten around to check the—" Jay begins but gets silenced by Darren's lips on his. Darren's hand shivers up Jay's spine and goes to rest in his neck with a firm grip, Jay's entire back prickling warmly.
"Guess we can do it later," Jay mumbles, and succumbs to Darren's demanding lips.
The electric wheelchair whirs unsteadily as Darren multitasks between kissing and commanding the chair back to the bedroom. Jay clings to his boyfriend, his heart starting to beat faster the closer they get.
"I could kinda get used to that taxi service," Jay jokes, grinning as he climbs from Darren's lap onto the soft mattress of the bed, the tip of the Santa hat swinging back and forth.
Darren braces himself for a moment on the mattress before transferring in one rather smooth motion, his right arm spasming slightly. He scoots back and maneuvers his legs up on the mattress as well, leaving him somewhat out of breath from the effort. His left hand succeeds in grabbing Jay's wrist and pulls him close.
"I could get used to this," Darren rasps, leaning his forehead against Jay's once Jay straddles him, their bodies slotting together in a familiar way. Their noses touch, Jay tastes Darren's breath, and he gets lost in a kiss so tender he feels like floating a hand's breadth above the mattress. Miraculously, Darren's head stays still as long as it lasts, his hand around Jay's wrist squeezing gently.
"God..." Leaning back again, Darren lifts his hand to pluck the Santa hat off Jay's head and frame the left side of his face. Jay's breath hitches, unconsciously leaning into the touch as a shivering thumb trails his lips. Their eyes locked, Jay parts his lips and sucks at the digit, eliciting a low, rumbling moan from Darren.
"So eager..." Darren murmurs. Then his arm starts shaking too much to ignore it, and he lets it drop to the mattress. His breath stutters, his eyes closing briefly as a full body tremor runs through him. When he looks at Jay afterward, it's with an intensity that causes heat to rush through Jay's chest.
Darren leans forward again, and Jay's skin prickles as his kiss turns more demanding, Darren's teeth tugging lightly at Jay's lower lip. Jay feels the shift like a thickening of the air, his breath growing shallow. Darren's left hand slips down Jay's spine, fingers curling, and a soft growl vibrates in his throat.
"Take your shirt off," Darren murmurs against Jay's lips, his hand weak as he tugs at the hem of Jay's shirt.
Jay pulls back just enough to comply, peeling his shirt off quickly and tossing it carelessly to the floor. Darren's eyes darken as he takes in the sight, his gaze roving over Jay's lean chest. The way Darren looks at him, appreciatively and with hunger, makes Jay's skin tingle with anticipation.
Darren begs Jay closer with a jerk of his head and trails kisses down Jay's neck, his beard rough against soft skin. His knuckles graze Jay's chest, his touch unrefined but determined. "You're too gorgeous for your own good," Darren mutters, his teeth scraping lightly against Jay's collarbone.
Jay shudders, instinctively pressing closer. His hips tilt, creating delicious friction. His eyes fluttering shut, Jay rocks against the bulge in Darren's pants, moaning softly.
Darren's body tightens slightly, his left hand squeezing Jay's ass through his pants, and a groan reverberates deep in Darren's chest. "So beautiful. Gonna make you feel so good," he murmurs to the sounds of pleasure that drop from Jay's lips.
"Off now." Darren's voice is sharp enough to make Jay freeze mid-move, panting.
"W-what?" Jay stammers.
Darren's face twists with a spasm, but the corners of his lips lift slightly. "Want to make you come on my cock," he says, his eyes dark, and Jay braces himself at the head of the bed against the sudden jolt of arousal coursing through him.
"Y-yeah, please," Jay agrees, his heart beating wildly in his chest as he scrambles off Darren's lap. He strips down fully and grabs lube from a drawer nearby.
"I..." Jay hesitates, then pulls out a folded piece of paper from the same drawer. "I got tested. All negative."
Darren doesn't need to read the document; he nods approvingly.
Jay starts by circling his hole, his breath hitching already, while Darren watches him with half-lidded eyes. Then Darren drags himself higher up the headboard and starts wiggling out of his sweater, exposing toned abs and a broad chest, a trail of curly hair running along its middle. When Jay enters himself with his index finger, shuddering and moaning, Darren's twitching fingers move to open the button and zipper on his pants. He rips it open with brute force, then pushes the soft waistband and his underwear down with a violently trembling hand, freeing his flushed member, the tip glistening with precome. As Darren sheds his clothes, breathing heavy, his gaze never leaves Jay.
"Good," Darren praises, as Jay's hips press against his fingers, stretching himself further. Jay moans, clutching at the sheets with his free hand.
Darren lubes himself up with jerky motions, the fingers of his left hand stiff. He strokes himself a few times, groaning with the temporary relief, his body answering with spasms rippling through it. "Think you're ready?" he croaks.
"Y-yes, yes," Jay chants. "Please..." He removes his fingers from within himself and crawls over to Darren, intending to straddle him again, but Darren lifts an unsteady hand, signaling him to wait. Jay whines, his body thrumming with desire.
With calculated motions, Darren positions himself on his stronger side, leaning on his left elbow. He sways slightly, gritting his teeth, his right hand opening and grabbing at nothing. "Back up here," Darren grunts, nodding toward himself.
Jay complies and slowly leans into Darren's embrace, feeling Darren's naked body mold against his back, warm and sweaty. He notices every shudder, every twitch of Darren. The sharp hardness of his cock presses against his thigh.
"You're... you're going to have to guide me," Darren grunts between his teeth, teetering on his elbow. Slightly desperate, he anchors himself with his weak right. The back of the curled hand presses against Jay's chest, Darren's ragged breath sounding loud in Jay's ear.
Reaching behind himself, careful not to throw Darren off balance, Jay finds Darren's slick erection, encircling it with his hand. Darren's cock feels huge and heavy against his palm, and a low moan rumbles in Darren's chest upon the touch. On an impulse, Jay gives Darren a few languid strokes, eliciting more groans from Darren, his right fist starting to tremble against Jay. Jay almost gets lost in the rhythm, encouraged by the sounds Darren makes, until the other stiffens and growls dangerously in Jay's ear.
His heart beating wildly, Jay presses Darren's tip against his entrance. Darren's body stills, his panting breaths stopping for a second, and Jay hisses as he feels Darren breach him slightly. Tentatively, he pushes back a little, allowing Darren better access, aware of Darren's precarious balance. When Darren seems sufficiently settled, Jay removes his hand from Darren's cock to brace himself on the mattress in front of them, providing stability for them both. He feels Darren slide in a little deeper, making Jay gasp.
"Tell me..." Darren pants. "If I hurt you." His breath comes in bursts, his body trembling violently with the effort it takes to control it. Jay isn't sure Darren can indeed still move much on his own willpower, but he keeps quiet, waiting for Darren's instructions.
Bit by bit, masked by the trembling but noticeable to Jay, Darren's hips push forward, his cock driving deeper into Jay. Darren is almost halfway laying on Jay now, and as his right hand slips off Jay, Jay grabs it, holding his arm in a strong grip against himself. Darren moans as he pushes deeper, Jay gasping and encouraging him audibly to go on. He feels stretched and full and amazing, all his nerves buzzing, longing for more.
"Please," Jay begs. "Please..." And slowly, with great effort, Darren starts thrusting. Though shallow and weak, each thrust sends a shiver of sparks up Jay's spine, making his toes curl. He moans and angles his hips just right, moving with Darren's rhythm, reveling in the slickness and pressure and friction building within himself.
Darren's deep groans vibrate through both their chests. They move together, raggedly, feverishly, chasing their pleasure. Jay gives himself over, his head falling back against Darren's chest, moans falling from his lips as stars explode behind his eyelids with every thrust that Darren masters. He clutches Darren's hand tighter, not knowing who is holding up who anymore.
As he gets closer to release, Darren's muscles tighten further, rendering his movements even stiffer. Jay pushes back more against Darren to make up for it, feeling Darren drag slowly deep inside of him, skin on burning skin. Finally, Darren's breath stops on a hoarse gasp and he sinks his teeth into Jay's shoulder as his body gives a violent jerk. His muffled groans sound loudly as Darren climaxes, hips stuttering weakly. Jay clutches Darren's limp hand like a lifeline, trying to keep Darren on his side, while he feels his boyfriend's cock pulse and spill hotly within him.
Darren pants, his breath hot and ragged against Jay's neck as he comes down, body trembling more violently than ever. With a desperate moan, Jay lets go of Darren's hand and strokes himself to completion before Darren's cock can slip out of him, waves of need and desire crashing over him. He feels himself spasm around Darren as he finally comes with a choked-off cry, his vision whitening out for a moment as the pressure releases on a sudden peak, his cock spilling hotly over his fingers in strong pulses. Behind him, Jay hears Darren groan and feels him tighten again, surprised, his cock twitching one last time within Jay.
His knees jerking upward briefly, Darren rolls off Jay with one last grunt of effort, his eyes closed, his softening cock resting against his stomach. Jay snuggles close, leading Darren's now free left hand to his lips to kiss it, then leans his sweaty face against Darren's. They both don't say a word until their breaths have evened out a little.
“Merry Christmas,“ Darren murmurs, his eyes still closed.
“Merry Christmas,“ Jay answers, chuckling.
It's still a few more days until Christmas though. Jay both dreads and anticipates the event, eager to meet Darren's two sisters but equally worried he may not fit in with the happy family. When the day finally arrives, he shows up too early at Darren's house, the sky unchanged from its murky gray, old snow crunching under his feet. He clutches a bottle of champagne that he bought on a whim at a gas station because it occurred to him it may be bad manners to arrive empty-handed, regardless of Darren's insistence that he didn't need to bring presents.
Margaret is seemingly pleased about the champagne, and Rob pulls Jay aside for a tasting of his whiskey bar before he even has the chance to greet Darren. Darren's younger sister, as Rob fills Jay in, has taken up camp in Chelsea's room upstairs while Darren's housemates are away for the holidays. She sneaks up on Rob and Jay when they're on their second glass, fixating Jay with her heavily charcoaled eyes in a much more menacing variation of her mother's x-ray-stare, causing Jay's blood to run cold.
"This is Therese," Darren's voice says as he rounds the corner in his wheelchair. "She rarely bites."
"Nice to meet you," Jay says over his shoulder as he follows Darren to his room, to help him with something urgent. The urgency, as it turns out, is a bow tie, and they fool around with YouTube instructions to no avail, until Rob comes to the rescue.
Once Darren's father has left the room, Jay bends around to kiss Darren. "Hello," he says. "And thank you." He takes a moment to appreciate his boyfriend's appearance. Darren looks impeccable with the bow tie over his neatly pressed white shirt, flawlessly tucked into dress trousers, his shoes polished to a shine. As Jay studies him, he notices Darren's facial hair is slightly different than it used to be during the last months. Perhaps his father helped with the grooming.
"Don't worry about Therese. She needs some time warming up," Darren explains his sister's behavior.
"Uh huh," Jay replies, not sure he understands.
When she arrives not much later, Darren's older sister Chloe embraces Jay so tightly he thinks he'll choke. He shakes her husband's hand formally, glad he simply smiles at him.
With all family members and their families present, the house turns into a beehive. Jay can't help but notice though how Darren's sisters perform the same small acts of care that his parents do: straightening his collar after hugging him in greeting, placing a small plate with Christmas cookies in his lap as some get passed around on a larger plate, gently repositioning his hand on the armrest in passing.
On the couch, Darren's older sister Chloe settles next to Jay, sighing and stretching her stockinged legs. Her loose, flowy dress only serves to accentuate her protruding belly. "Ugh," she says and places her soda can on the coffee table, which is adorned with a red silk cloth decorated with golden stars and a festive fir branch. Jay is sure the decoration is all Margaret's doing.
Chloe pats her belly lightly. "I hope this one hurries up," she groans.
Jay smiles. "When's the due date?" Darren told him he'll become an uncle soon, and Jay knows Darren well enough by now to know that Darren is beyond thrilled at the prospect.
"New Year's Eve," Chloe's husband George answers, sitting down next to his wife and raising his beer bottle to toast Jay.
Jay laughs. "Really?"
"Yep," Chloe says. "But it'll be earlier, I can feel that. I won't be drinking this—" she picks up the soda can and shakes it, a few orange droplets splashing onto her hand "—to celebrate the new year. I claim a bottle of champagne. George? Make sure we're well prepared at home, alright?"
Jay raises an eyebrow. He definitely isn't an expert in this field but strongly doubts Chloe will feel like drinking champagne anytime during the next few weeks.
"Sure, honey," George says, picking up his phone, presumably to make a note to buy champagne. As he catches Jay's doubtful expression, he adds in a stage-whisper: "You never know. She's a person to go through with this and then I don't want to be the one responsible if there's nothing to drink."
Jay looks at Chloe who laughs and he lifts his hands. "Fair enough."
George pockets his phone again. "How are you holding up?" he asks with a grin at Jay. "Your first Christmas with this crazy bunch can be overwhelming."
George's wife giggles, pulling him in for a kiss. "Speaking from experience?"
"What do you think?" he replies, gently palming her belly with both his hands. "My first Christmas with you guys, I was coerced into playing charades until I nearly passed out from exhaustion."
"That's only because you're hilarious to watch. Even something as simple as imitating a gardener had us in stitches."
He tickles her hard enough to elicit a yelp, but his grin betrays his amusement as he retreats to join the others gathering by the fireplace.
Darren's sister places her feet on the table and leans back. "I'm glad you're here," she suddenly says, softly. "You're good for him." She nods over to where Darren sits in his wheelchair, chatting with the others.
"Oh?" Jay follows her gaze and fights the urge to blush. "I'm just... We're simply... He's great, you know."
Reaching over to squeeze Jay's arm, Darren's sister nods. "I know." They watch as two teams form by the fireplace, apparently gearing up for a game. Darren reaches out to grab his mom's arm as she passes on her way to the kitchen, twirling her until she lands in his lap. The group erupts in laughter as Darren says something, his smile broad as he kisses his mother's cheek.
"He hasn't been like this in a while," Chloe remarks in a low voice, and Jay for once doesn't know what to say.
Before dinner, Margaret calls the family together in the living room. "It's time for the Christmas crackers," she announces.
There's laughter and some groans. Chloe leans forward and whispers into Jay's ear: "She picked that up on a holiday. But she doesn't like to have them at the table," she explains with a grin. "Fears there'll be confetti in the gravy."
Jay nods. He completely understands that.
"Come, help me up, I feel like a cow stuck in the mud," Chloe says to him.
Jay sputters, trying to tell her she looks nothing like a cow while offering his hand to pull her off the couch.
They pull at the crackers in pairs, eliciting a loud cracking sound every time one rips open. Inside there's confetti, a colorful paper crown, and a small strip of paper with a rather silly joke on it. Already wearing a pink paper crown that someone put on his head, Darren steers over to Jay with a cracker in his lap, and Jay picks up one end, waiting until Darren has convinced his left hand to grab the other end. The first time they pull, the cracker slips through Darren's grip and Jay stumbles back, almost falling on his backside.
Surprisingly even for Jay, Darren doubles over with laughter. "I don't seem to be getting better at this," he muses, his eyes twinkling with amusement as he waves his hand slightly.
Therese scowls at Jay and picks up the cracker from the floor, leaning over Darren's armrest to assist him. "That's how we do it," she mutters, directed at Jay.
Jay pulls with more care at his side of the cracker this time, to no effect. Therese and Darren both giggle and Therese says something into Darren's ear which makes him grin broader. Losing his temper, Jay jerks his hand back forcefully, and the cracker snaps in half with a loud bang, making Darren jump and confetti rain upon all of them.
"Well done!" Chloe whoops.
Jay picks up the paper crown, and can't bring himself to wear it, while Therese picks up the piece of paper with the joke on it.
"Why is the turkey never hungry at Christmas?" she reads.
"Because it's stuffed!" comes a multi-voiced chorus from the others as answer.
Jay's laugh feels forced until Darren parks next to him and slips his left hand in his right. "Funny, huh?" he says, tugging at his arm until Jay bends down for a kiss.
"Awfully so..." Jay replies, but he's grinning more freely now and as Darren jerks his head at him, he puts on the crown.
Chloe's and George's joke reads: 'What's every parent's favorite Christmas Carol? Silent Night.' And Therese explains to her father how 'Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the Inn' is funny. Then Margaret ushers them all to sit at the table.
During dinner, Darren's mother turns to Jay. "I'm sure you had some Christmas traditions at home, didn't you, Jay?"
Jay pauses, his fork halfway to his mouth. His first impulse is to shake his head, but then he catches Darren's eyes resting on him. "Well uh..." He watches his plate, filled with delicious turkey and plenty of sides and sauce, wondering how much Darren's family knows. "I grew up at my nana's. We, uh... we had music on Christmas, I think. She liked to listen to the same old recording, every year."
He remembers his first CD though, some pop hits from that year. He slipped it into his grandma's player and turned the volume up. His grandma and he danced to the beats half the night. He smiles at himself as it occurs to him that she had been his first dance partner, long before he actually learned proper technique.
Later, Jay excuses himself to step out onto the terrace for a spliff. The big house with its abundance of lights and decorations, filled with people enjoying themselves, makes him feel oddly detached. What feels real is the biting cold seeping through his light clothing, and it doesn't take long until his whole body is shivering.
"Mom told me to give you this," a cool voice says, and as he turns around, he sees Therese standing on the terrace behind him, holding out his jacket.
"Um... thanks..." Jay takes the jacket, putting it on to quell the trembling.
To his surprise, Therese steps up next to him, looking at the same dark spot in the garden. It's only then that Jay realizes Therese is wearing a jacket too. "Can I have one?" she asks suddenly, nodding to Jay's joint.
Jay shares a pre-rolled one, lighting it up for her. She takes a long drag, letting the smoke escape through her nostrils, her long black eyelashes shielding her eyes. Then she turns her head up to Jay, her face impenetrable. "Darren and you, huh?"
Jay shrugs, forcing himself to return her unblinking gaze. "Um... yeah. What about us?"
"You've known each other for years, right?"
Jay nods. That's not a secret. When asked tonight how they'd met, they both replied with the same vague connection through Chris. Sounded better than "We met realizing we like watching each other jerk off more than watching porn," they'd decided.
"How come I never heard of you before?" Therese asks.
She asks it like a detective interrogating a suspect, and Jay thinks she could've asked Darren the same question. But then he realizes he'd probably tell her it's none of her business. Which is true. Still, he doesn't dare refuse her an answer.
"Sometimes people don't immediately know what they want, do they? And besides, before Darren I didn't even know I was..."
Gay? He's used that term in a similar context before, when telling his friends. Gay. Bisexual. No one ever questioned why Darren of all guys made him realize that he was attracted to men as well as women. It always went smoothly. But now, with Therese watching him from those dark, knowing eyes, he knows he won't get away with it.
"I didn't know I could be attracted to him," he says instead.
Her eyes narrow and she leans away from him. "Uh-huh," she says, and Jay realizes she took it all wrong.
"No, I don't mean—" He curses himself for being so careless. "I don't mean it like that. He was just one of the guys. A friend. Not more. Except..."
"Except?" She's watching him so closely he feels like he's trapped on the terrace with her, trying to scramble back out of the hole he dug. "Except he's in a wheelchair and severely disabled, is what you want to say? So he was out of bounds, without question."
"No! Yes! I..." Jay feels like he's already lost with her. "It was never like that. You've got to believe me on that. He's great, seriously, everyone respects him. They do! I do. So his disability never played a role, for the most part."
She seems to consider this for a second. "Okay... What happened then? Got lonely around Christmas?"
Fighting the anger bubbling up, Jay forces himself to speak calmly. "That's not it. We've dated much longer than that."
He sees her blink in surprise at that—she didn't know. Her frown settles immediately again, and Jay realizes it looks very much like Darren's. But he doesn't get to enjoy his victory for long.
"Hmm. You obviously didn't leave him once you realized it's not that rewarding to be together with someone who can't even tie his own shoes..."
"I'm not out for an award," Jay shoots back. "And besides, Darren owns shoes that just look like they're being tied, when in fact there's Velcro, so he can put them on himself."
Something shifts in Therese's eyes. "Yeah, no shit," she deadpans.
Of course she's aware of Darren's shoes.
"Still," she continues, letting smoke billow around them. "His disability is a fucking mess. It's no fun dealing with it, as you must know by now. Why stay with someone like that, unless you get something out of it?"
"That's not..." Jay frowns, repulsed by her insinuation, then hesitates. "But I... I do get something out of it," he says quietly.
Therese's eyebrows shoot up.
"I... He's good to me," Jay says slowly. "He's... he's making me feel..." Safe. Protected. Whole. "Things."
Therese stares at him, then starts laughing, and it's equal parts relieving and frightening. "Oh god, you two are so disgusting. I actually believe you." She burned through her joint fast and flicks the butt away into the garden. "Damn..."
Jay doesn't dare tell her that Rob probably doesn't appreciate her throwing trash on his lawn.
"This was good stuff," Therese says, her eyes resting for a second on Jay before she turns away. "Hope to smoke with you again next year, Jay," she calls over her shoulder, some edge returning to her voice.
With that she disappears into the house, and Jay watches her back, wondering how she managed to both compliment and sort of threaten him in her last sentences. He finishes his joint and takes a moment to compose himself. He doesn't know how he managed to convince her, but somehow he had. He should have told her how he's almost constantly thinking of Darren, still almost as bad as when they'd just started seeing each other. He should have told her how he wishes he'd wake up with Darren snoring at his side every day. How his throat goes dry and his hands shake already whenever he hears Darren's voice. How they can't go a day without either of them sending at least a text to the other, a thought, a joke, a question, anything to make sure the other still exists.
But with her staring at him, he couldn't think of any words to formulate his thoughts.
And Jay knows he didn't tell her the whole truth anyway. But that particular aspect of their relationship is really none of her business.
Jay takes one last look at the twinkling Christmas lights that he helped install, remembering how his grandmother always strung colorful lights on their small balcony during the winter months. She would have approved of this, he thinks as he steps inside and closes the terrace doors behind him.
Inside, Darren startles him as he appears at his side almost immediately.
"I was worried you'd bailed," Darren drawls, grabbing Jay's hand. “Just when we were about to start playing Charades…”
"Well..." Jay starts. "I almost did." He looks over at Therese, who flashes him a scary smile as she converses with her sister. "And still... here I am." He grins unsteadily at Darren.
"I knew you were tough," Darren says and pulls Jay into his lap.
Jay is aware for a second that probably everyone in the room is monitoring their kiss. But as Darren's hand curls in his hair and he doesn't stop whispering small praises against his lips, Jay realizes he doesn't care. Out of the corners of his eyes he notices Margaret reaching for her husband's hand, squeezing it. Both are smiling as they pretend to nurse their drinks.
Maybe Jay is doing better at family Christmas than he thought.
Darren frowns at Jay but then seemingly can't help smiling. "Morning." He fills the coffee beans into the designated compartment of the coffee machine. Only a few escape and land on the counter and the floor as his hand holding the packet jerks slightly.
"Oh... delicious." Jay almost burns his fingertips as he steals a strip of already pretty crunchy bacon out of the sizzling pan. "Gonna hop under the shower for a second, alright?"
Darren nods, turning the wheelchair around with his left hand curling around the joystick. "Breakfast is almost ready, as you probably know," he says with a wry grin.
Darren has already changed into fresh clothes, wearing a green knitted sweater and a pair of dark gray pants. He looks as crisp as ever, though his beard needs a trim. Moving a hand over the slight fuzz on his own chin once he's gotten rid of the shirt he slept in, Jay wonders if Darren would ever ask to shave him. Maybe Darren doesn't trust him to be proficient enough, and it's probably a wise call. Jay gave up on growing a proper beard years ago.
Once under the steaming torrent of water, Jay rinses off the stickiness from last night, wondering with some guilt if Darren cleaned himself at the sink, while Darren is busy driving back and forth between the kitchen counter and the table, putting out plates, coffee mugs, cutlery, toast, and butter. He places them on the surface coated with a layer of flour, between dirty dishes, bowls with crusty flecks of dough and oily spoons.
They eat breakfast as if they'd been starving for days. When the last bit of bacon and bread crumbs has disappeared, Darren leans back against the backrest of his wheelchair and groans approvingly. His hands rest on the armrests of his chair, the right only twitching minimally.
"Thanks for breakfast," Jay says with an equally satisfied grin. He eyes the chaos surrounding them and sighs dejectedly.
Darren lazily follows Jay's gaze. "You do have someone who cleans your apartment, don't you?" he murmurs.
That makes Jay laugh until tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. "I do, yes," he confirms. "But boy, he won't set foot in here if it looks and smells like this."
Darren groans. "Damn."
It takes another twenty minutes for them to finally cave in to the fact that the apartment won't miraculously clean itself. Darren blasts some Christmas Evergreens from Jay's sound system and hums along as he trails on Jay's heels, a plastic bag quickly filling up on his lap.
"Whose is this?" Jay asks Darren, holding a sweater of undefinable color as far away from his body as possible. The threadbare fabric has numerous holes in it and is sticky with pizza topping.
Darren shrugs and holds the plastic bag open for Jay to dump the piece of clothing in it.
"Oh, look at that." Jay bends down to retrieve Chris' Santa hat from under the couch. He turns and tries to wrestle it on Darren's head, but the wheelchair reverses, causing Jay to stumble and catch himself on Darren's armrests.
"Looks much better on you anyway," Darren jokes, snatching the hat from Jay with surprising nimbleness. A trembling fist lifts the hat up to Jay's shoulder, and Jay grins and ducks slightly, steadying Darren's elbow. Jay pulls the other side of the hat down over his head.
"Now? What's it look like?" Jay steps back and twirls around, making the furry ball at the end of the hat soar in an arch around him.
"Cute. You look like one of Santa's elves," Darren says, his lips twitching in amusement, his eyes locked on Jay dancing.
Once they've sorted the living room, removed the trash and wiped the surfaces, they return to the kitchen to make sure there's really no bacon left in the fridge. Then Jay empties the dishwasher and Darren refills it while Jay stands at the sink to wash the rest of the dishes. Done with his task, Darren joins Jay to towel dry dishes on his lap.
"This is the last one, finally," Jay sighs, placing a dripping, cleaned bowl on the rack and stretching his sore back. "No idea why Chris needed hundreds of— Woah!"
The electric wheelchair drives into Jay's legs from behind, making them buckle, and Jay lands neatly in Darren's lap. Laughter rumbling in his chest, Darren nips at Jay's earlobes, causing lightning bolts to shoot up Jay's spine.
"Thought we'd never be finished with cleaning..." Darren murmurs with his lips at Jay's pulse point, his beard scratching Jay's throat.
"Um, I haven't really gotten around to check the—" Jay begins but gets silenced by Darren's lips on his. Darren's hand shivers up Jay's spine and goes to rest in his neck with a firm grip, Jay's entire back prickling warmly.
"Guess we can do it later," Jay mumbles, and succumbs to Darren's demanding lips.
The electric wheelchair whirs unsteadily as Darren multitasks between kissing and commanding the chair back to the bedroom. Jay clings to his boyfriend, his heart starting to beat faster the closer they get.
"I could kinda get used to that taxi service," Jay jokes, grinning as he climbs from Darren's lap onto the soft mattress of the bed, the tip of the Santa hat swinging back and forth.
Darren braces himself for a moment on the mattress before transferring in one rather smooth motion, his right arm spasming slightly. He scoots back and maneuvers his legs up on the mattress as well, leaving him somewhat out of breath from the effort. His left hand succeeds in grabbing Jay's wrist and pulls him close.
"I could get used to this," Darren rasps, leaning his forehead against Jay's once Jay straddles him, their bodies slotting together in a familiar way. Their noses touch, Jay tastes Darren's breath, and he gets lost in a kiss so tender he feels like floating a hand's breadth above the mattress. Miraculously, Darren's head stays still as long as it lasts, his hand around Jay's wrist squeezing gently.
"God..." Leaning back again, Darren lifts his hand to pluck the Santa hat off Jay's head and frame the left side of his face. Jay's breath hitches, unconsciously leaning into the touch as a shivering thumb trails his lips. Their eyes locked, Jay parts his lips and sucks at the digit, eliciting a low, rumbling moan from Darren.
"So eager..." Darren murmurs. Then his arm starts shaking too much to ignore it, and he lets it drop to the mattress. His breath stutters, his eyes closing briefly as a full body tremor runs through him. When he looks at Jay afterward, it's with an intensity that causes heat to rush through Jay's chest.
Darren leans forward again, and Jay's skin prickles as his kiss turns more demanding, Darren's teeth tugging lightly at Jay's lower lip. Jay feels the shift like a thickening of the air, his breath growing shallow. Darren's left hand slips down Jay's spine, fingers curling, and a soft growl vibrates in his throat.
"Take your shirt off," Darren murmurs against Jay's lips, his hand weak as he tugs at the hem of Jay's shirt.
Jay pulls back just enough to comply, peeling his shirt off quickly and tossing it carelessly to the floor. Darren's eyes darken as he takes in the sight, his gaze roving over Jay's lean chest. The way Darren looks at him, appreciatively and with hunger, makes Jay's skin tingle with anticipation.
Darren begs Jay closer with a jerk of his head and trails kisses down Jay's neck, his beard rough against soft skin. His knuckles graze Jay's chest, his touch unrefined but determined. "You're too gorgeous for your own good," Darren mutters, his teeth scraping lightly against Jay's collarbone.
Jay shudders, instinctively pressing closer. His hips tilt, creating delicious friction. His eyes fluttering shut, Jay rocks against the bulge in Darren's pants, moaning softly.
Darren's body tightens slightly, his left hand squeezing Jay's ass through his pants, and a groan reverberates deep in Darren's chest. "So beautiful. Gonna make you feel so good," he murmurs to the sounds of pleasure that drop from Jay's lips.
"Off now." Darren's voice is sharp enough to make Jay freeze mid-move, panting.
"W-what?" Jay stammers.
Darren's face twists with a spasm, but the corners of his lips lift slightly. "Want to make you come on my cock," he says, his eyes dark, and Jay braces himself at the head of the bed against the sudden jolt of arousal coursing through him.
"Y-yeah, please," Jay agrees, his heart beating wildly in his chest as he scrambles off Darren's lap. He strips down fully and grabs lube from a drawer nearby.
"I..." Jay hesitates, then pulls out a folded piece of paper from the same drawer. "I got tested. All negative."
Darren doesn't need to read the document; he nods approvingly.
Jay starts by circling his hole, his breath hitching already, while Darren watches him with half-lidded eyes. Then Darren drags himself higher up the headboard and starts wiggling out of his sweater, exposing toned abs and a broad chest, a trail of curly hair running along its middle. When Jay enters himself with his index finger, shuddering and moaning, Darren's twitching fingers move to open the button and zipper on his pants. He rips it open with brute force, then pushes the soft waistband and his underwear down with a violently trembling hand, freeing his flushed member, the tip glistening with precome. As Darren sheds his clothes, breathing heavy, his gaze never leaves Jay.
"Good," Darren praises, as Jay's hips press against his fingers, stretching himself further. Jay moans, clutching at the sheets with his free hand.
Darren lubes himself up with jerky motions, the fingers of his left hand stiff. He strokes himself a few times, groaning with the temporary relief, his body answering with spasms rippling through it. "Think you're ready?" he croaks.
"Y-yes, yes," Jay chants. "Please..." He removes his fingers from within himself and crawls over to Darren, intending to straddle him again, but Darren lifts an unsteady hand, signaling him to wait. Jay whines, his body thrumming with desire.
With calculated motions, Darren positions himself on his stronger side, leaning on his left elbow. He sways slightly, gritting his teeth, his right hand opening and grabbing at nothing. "Back up here," Darren grunts, nodding toward himself.
Jay complies and slowly leans into Darren's embrace, feeling Darren's naked body mold against his back, warm and sweaty. He notices every shudder, every twitch of Darren. The sharp hardness of his cock presses against his thigh.
"You're... you're going to have to guide me," Darren grunts between his teeth, teetering on his elbow. Slightly desperate, he anchors himself with his weak right. The back of the curled hand presses against Jay's chest, Darren's ragged breath sounding loud in Jay's ear.
Reaching behind himself, careful not to throw Darren off balance, Jay finds Darren's slick erection, encircling it with his hand. Darren's cock feels huge and heavy against his palm, and a low moan rumbles in Darren's chest upon the touch. On an impulse, Jay gives Darren a few languid strokes, eliciting more groans from Darren, his right fist starting to tremble against Jay. Jay almost gets lost in the rhythm, encouraged by the sounds Darren makes, until the other stiffens and growls dangerously in Jay's ear.
His heart beating wildly, Jay presses Darren's tip against his entrance. Darren's body stills, his panting breaths stopping for a second, and Jay hisses as he feels Darren breach him slightly. Tentatively, he pushes back a little, allowing Darren better access, aware of Darren's precarious balance. When Darren seems sufficiently settled, Jay removes his hand from Darren's cock to brace himself on the mattress in front of them, providing stability for them both. He feels Darren slide in a little deeper, making Jay gasp.
"Tell me..." Darren pants. "If I hurt you." His breath comes in bursts, his body trembling violently with the effort it takes to control it. Jay isn't sure Darren can indeed still move much on his own willpower, but he keeps quiet, waiting for Darren's instructions.
Bit by bit, masked by the trembling but noticeable to Jay, Darren's hips push forward, his cock driving deeper into Jay. Darren is almost halfway laying on Jay now, and as his right hand slips off Jay, Jay grabs it, holding his arm in a strong grip against himself. Darren moans as he pushes deeper, Jay gasping and encouraging him audibly to go on. He feels stretched and full and amazing, all his nerves buzzing, longing for more.
"Please," Jay begs. "Please..." And slowly, with great effort, Darren starts thrusting. Though shallow and weak, each thrust sends a shiver of sparks up Jay's spine, making his toes curl. He moans and angles his hips just right, moving with Darren's rhythm, reveling in the slickness and pressure and friction building within himself.
Darren's deep groans vibrate through both their chests. They move together, raggedly, feverishly, chasing their pleasure. Jay gives himself over, his head falling back against Darren's chest, moans falling from his lips as stars explode behind his eyelids with every thrust that Darren masters. He clutches Darren's hand tighter, not knowing who is holding up who anymore.
As he gets closer to release, Darren's muscles tighten further, rendering his movements even stiffer. Jay pushes back more against Darren to make up for it, feeling Darren drag slowly deep inside of him, skin on burning skin. Finally, Darren's breath stops on a hoarse gasp and he sinks his teeth into Jay's shoulder as his body gives a violent jerk. His muffled groans sound loudly as Darren climaxes, hips stuttering weakly. Jay clutches Darren's limp hand like a lifeline, trying to keep Darren on his side, while he feels his boyfriend's cock pulse and spill hotly within him.
Darren pants, his breath hot and ragged against Jay's neck as he comes down, body trembling more violently than ever. With a desperate moan, Jay lets go of Darren's hand and strokes himself to completion before Darren's cock can slip out of him, waves of need and desire crashing over him. He feels himself spasm around Darren as he finally comes with a choked-off cry, his vision whitening out for a moment as the pressure releases on a sudden peak, his cock spilling hotly over his fingers in strong pulses. Behind him, Jay hears Darren groan and feels him tighten again, surprised, his cock twitching one last time within Jay.
His knees jerking upward briefly, Darren rolls off Jay with one last grunt of effort, his eyes closed, his softening cock resting against his stomach. Jay snuggles close, leading Darren's now free left hand to his lips to kiss it, then leans his sweaty face against Darren's. They both don't say a word until their breaths have evened out a little.
“Merry Christmas,“ Darren murmurs, his eyes still closed.
“Merry Christmas,“ Jay answers, chuckling.
***
It's still a few more days until Christmas though. Jay both dreads and anticipates the event, eager to meet Darren's two sisters but equally worried he may not fit in with the happy family. When the day finally arrives, he shows up too early at Darren's house, the sky unchanged from its murky gray, old snow crunching under his feet. He clutches a bottle of champagne that he bought on a whim at a gas station because it occurred to him it may be bad manners to arrive empty-handed, regardless of Darren's insistence that he didn't need to bring presents.
Margaret is seemingly pleased about the champagne, and Rob pulls Jay aside for a tasting of his whiskey bar before he even has the chance to greet Darren. Darren's younger sister, as Rob fills Jay in, has taken up camp in Chelsea's room upstairs while Darren's housemates are away for the holidays. She sneaks up on Rob and Jay when they're on their second glass, fixating Jay with her heavily charcoaled eyes in a much more menacing variation of her mother's x-ray-stare, causing Jay's blood to run cold.
"This is Therese," Darren's voice says as he rounds the corner in his wheelchair. "She rarely bites."
"Nice to meet you," Jay says over his shoulder as he follows Darren to his room, to help him with something urgent. The urgency, as it turns out, is a bow tie, and they fool around with YouTube instructions to no avail, until Rob comes to the rescue.
Once Darren's father has left the room, Jay bends around to kiss Darren. "Hello," he says. "And thank you." He takes a moment to appreciate his boyfriend's appearance. Darren looks impeccable with the bow tie over his neatly pressed white shirt, flawlessly tucked into dress trousers, his shoes polished to a shine. As Jay studies him, he notices Darren's facial hair is slightly different than it used to be during the last months. Perhaps his father helped with the grooming.
"Don't worry about Therese. She needs some time warming up," Darren explains his sister's behavior.
"Uh huh," Jay replies, not sure he understands.
When she arrives not much later, Darren's older sister Chloe embraces Jay so tightly he thinks he'll choke. He shakes her husband's hand formally, glad he simply smiles at him.
With all family members and their families present, the house turns into a beehive. Jay can't help but notice though how Darren's sisters perform the same small acts of care that his parents do: straightening his collar after hugging him in greeting, placing a small plate with Christmas cookies in his lap as some get passed around on a larger plate, gently repositioning his hand on the armrest in passing.
On the couch, Darren's older sister Chloe settles next to Jay, sighing and stretching her stockinged legs. Her loose, flowy dress only serves to accentuate her protruding belly. "Ugh," she says and places her soda can on the coffee table, which is adorned with a red silk cloth decorated with golden stars and a festive fir branch. Jay is sure the decoration is all Margaret's doing.
Chloe pats her belly lightly. "I hope this one hurries up," she groans.
Jay smiles. "When's the due date?" Darren told him he'll become an uncle soon, and Jay knows Darren well enough by now to know that Darren is beyond thrilled at the prospect.
"New Year's Eve," Chloe's husband George answers, sitting down next to his wife and raising his beer bottle to toast Jay.
Jay laughs. "Really?"
"Yep," Chloe says. "But it'll be earlier, I can feel that. I won't be drinking this—" she picks up the soda can and shakes it, a few orange droplets splashing onto her hand "—to celebrate the new year. I claim a bottle of champagne. George? Make sure we're well prepared at home, alright?"
Jay raises an eyebrow. He definitely isn't an expert in this field but strongly doubts Chloe will feel like drinking champagne anytime during the next few weeks.
"Sure, honey," George says, picking up his phone, presumably to make a note to buy champagne. As he catches Jay's doubtful expression, he adds in a stage-whisper: "You never know. She's a person to go through with this and then I don't want to be the one responsible if there's nothing to drink."
Jay looks at Chloe who laughs and he lifts his hands. "Fair enough."
George pockets his phone again. "How are you holding up?" he asks with a grin at Jay. "Your first Christmas with this crazy bunch can be overwhelming."
George's wife giggles, pulling him in for a kiss. "Speaking from experience?"
"What do you think?" he replies, gently palming her belly with both his hands. "My first Christmas with you guys, I was coerced into playing charades until I nearly passed out from exhaustion."
"That's only because you're hilarious to watch. Even something as simple as imitating a gardener had us in stitches."
He tickles her hard enough to elicit a yelp, but his grin betrays his amusement as he retreats to join the others gathering by the fireplace.
Darren's sister places her feet on the table and leans back. "I'm glad you're here," she suddenly says, softly. "You're good for him." She nods over to where Darren sits in his wheelchair, chatting with the others.
"Oh?" Jay follows her gaze and fights the urge to blush. "I'm just... We're simply... He's great, you know."
Reaching over to squeeze Jay's arm, Darren's sister nods. "I know." They watch as two teams form by the fireplace, apparently gearing up for a game. Darren reaches out to grab his mom's arm as she passes on her way to the kitchen, twirling her until she lands in his lap. The group erupts in laughter as Darren says something, his smile broad as he kisses his mother's cheek.
"He hasn't been like this in a while," Chloe remarks in a low voice, and Jay for once doesn't know what to say.
Before dinner, Margaret calls the family together in the living room. "It's time for the Christmas crackers," she announces.
There's laughter and some groans. Chloe leans forward and whispers into Jay's ear: "She picked that up on a holiday. But she doesn't like to have them at the table," she explains with a grin. "Fears there'll be confetti in the gravy."
Jay nods. He completely understands that.
"Come, help me up, I feel like a cow stuck in the mud," Chloe says to him.
Jay sputters, trying to tell her she looks nothing like a cow while offering his hand to pull her off the couch.
They pull at the crackers in pairs, eliciting a loud cracking sound every time one rips open. Inside there's confetti, a colorful paper crown, and a small strip of paper with a rather silly joke on it. Already wearing a pink paper crown that someone put on his head, Darren steers over to Jay with a cracker in his lap, and Jay picks up one end, waiting until Darren has convinced his left hand to grab the other end. The first time they pull, the cracker slips through Darren's grip and Jay stumbles back, almost falling on his backside.
Surprisingly even for Jay, Darren doubles over with laughter. "I don't seem to be getting better at this," he muses, his eyes twinkling with amusement as he waves his hand slightly.
Therese scowls at Jay and picks up the cracker from the floor, leaning over Darren's armrest to assist him. "That's how we do it," she mutters, directed at Jay.
Jay pulls with more care at his side of the cracker this time, to no effect. Therese and Darren both giggle and Therese says something into Darren's ear which makes him grin broader. Losing his temper, Jay jerks his hand back forcefully, and the cracker snaps in half with a loud bang, making Darren jump and confetti rain upon all of them.
"Well done!" Chloe whoops.
Jay picks up the paper crown, and can't bring himself to wear it, while Therese picks up the piece of paper with the joke on it.
"Why is the turkey never hungry at Christmas?" she reads.
"Because it's stuffed!" comes a multi-voiced chorus from the others as answer.
Jay's laugh feels forced until Darren parks next to him and slips his left hand in his right. "Funny, huh?" he says, tugging at his arm until Jay bends down for a kiss.
"Awfully so..." Jay replies, but he's grinning more freely now and as Darren jerks his head at him, he puts on the crown.
Chloe's and George's joke reads: 'What's every parent's favorite Christmas Carol? Silent Night.' And Therese explains to her father how 'Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the Inn' is funny. Then Margaret ushers them all to sit at the table.
During dinner, Darren's mother turns to Jay. "I'm sure you had some Christmas traditions at home, didn't you, Jay?"
Jay pauses, his fork halfway to his mouth. His first impulse is to shake his head, but then he catches Darren's eyes resting on him. "Well uh..." He watches his plate, filled with delicious turkey and plenty of sides and sauce, wondering how much Darren's family knows. "I grew up at my nana's. We, uh... we had music on Christmas, I think. She liked to listen to the same old recording, every year."
He remembers his first CD though, some pop hits from that year. He slipped it into his grandma's player and turned the volume up. His grandma and he danced to the beats half the night. He smiles at himself as it occurs to him that she had been his first dance partner, long before he actually learned proper technique.
Later, Jay excuses himself to step out onto the terrace for a spliff. The big house with its abundance of lights and decorations, filled with people enjoying themselves, makes him feel oddly detached. What feels real is the biting cold seeping through his light clothing, and it doesn't take long until his whole body is shivering.
"Mom told me to give you this," a cool voice says, and as he turns around, he sees Therese standing on the terrace behind him, holding out his jacket.
"Um... thanks..." Jay takes the jacket, putting it on to quell the trembling.
To his surprise, Therese steps up next to him, looking at the same dark spot in the garden. It's only then that Jay realizes Therese is wearing a jacket too. "Can I have one?" she asks suddenly, nodding to Jay's joint.
Jay shares a pre-rolled one, lighting it up for her. She takes a long drag, letting the smoke escape through her nostrils, her long black eyelashes shielding her eyes. Then she turns her head up to Jay, her face impenetrable. "Darren and you, huh?"
Jay shrugs, forcing himself to return her unblinking gaze. "Um... yeah. What about us?"
"You've known each other for years, right?"
Jay nods. That's not a secret. When asked tonight how they'd met, they both replied with the same vague connection through Chris. Sounded better than "We met realizing we like watching each other jerk off more than watching porn," they'd decided.
"How come I never heard of you before?" Therese asks.
She asks it like a detective interrogating a suspect, and Jay thinks she could've asked Darren the same question. But then he realizes he'd probably tell her it's none of her business. Which is true. Still, he doesn't dare refuse her an answer.
"Sometimes people don't immediately know what they want, do they? And besides, before Darren I didn't even know I was..."
Gay? He's used that term in a similar context before, when telling his friends. Gay. Bisexual. No one ever questioned why Darren of all guys made him realize that he was attracted to men as well as women. It always went smoothly. But now, with Therese watching him from those dark, knowing eyes, he knows he won't get away with it.
"I didn't know I could be attracted to him," he says instead.
Her eyes narrow and she leans away from him. "Uh-huh," she says, and Jay realizes she took it all wrong.
"No, I don't mean—" He curses himself for being so careless. "I don't mean it like that. He was just one of the guys. A friend. Not more. Except..."
"Except?" She's watching him so closely he feels like he's trapped on the terrace with her, trying to scramble back out of the hole he dug. "Except he's in a wheelchair and severely disabled, is what you want to say? So he was out of bounds, without question."
"No! Yes! I..." Jay feels like he's already lost with her. "It was never like that. You've got to believe me on that. He's great, seriously, everyone respects him. They do! I do. So his disability never played a role, for the most part."
She seems to consider this for a second. "Okay... What happened then? Got lonely around Christmas?"
Fighting the anger bubbling up, Jay forces himself to speak calmly. "That's not it. We've dated much longer than that."
He sees her blink in surprise at that—she didn't know. Her frown settles immediately again, and Jay realizes it looks very much like Darren's. But he doesn't get to enjoy his victory for long.
"Hmm. You obviously didn't leave him once you realized it's not that rewarding to be together with someone who can't even tie his own shoes..."
"I'm not out for an award," Jay shoots back. "And besides, Darren owns shoes that just look like they're being tied, when in fact there's Velcro, so he can put them on himself."
Something shifts in Therese's eyes. "Yeah, no shit," she deadpans.
Of course she's aware of Darren's shoes.
"Still," she continues, letting smoke billow around them. "His disability is a fucking mess. It's no fun dealing with it, as you must know by now. Why stay with someone like that, unless you get something out of it?"
"That's not..." Jay frowns, repulsed by her insinuation, then hesitates. "But I... I do get something out of it," he says quietly.
Therese's eyebrows shoot up.
"I... He's good to me," Jay says slowly. "He's... he's making me feel..." Safe. Protected. Whole. "Things."
Therese stares at him, then starts laughing, and it's equal parts relieving and frightening. "Oh god, you two are so disgusting. I actually believe you." She burned through her joint fast and flicks the butt away into the garden. "Damn..."
Jay doesn't dare tell her that Rob probably doesn't appreciate her throwing trash on his lawn.
"This was good stuff," Therese says, her eyes resting for a second on Jay before she turns away. "Hope to smoke with you again next year, Jay," she calls over her shoulder, some edge returning to her voice.
With that she disappears into the house, and Jay watches her back, wondering how she managed to both compliment and sort of threaten him in her last sentences. He finishes his joint and takes a moment to compose himself. He doesn't know how he managed to convince her, but somehow he had. He should have told her how he's almost constantly thinking of Darren, still almost as bad as when they'd just started seeing each other. He should have told her how he wishes he'd wake up with Darren snoring at his side every day. How his throat goes dry and his hands shake already whenever he hears Darren's voice. How they can't go a day without either of them sending at least a text to the other, a thought, a joke, a question, anything to make sure the other still exists.
But with her staring at him, he couldn't think of any words to formulate his thoughts.
And Jay knows he didn't tell her the whole truth anyway. But that particular aspect of their relationship is really none of her business.
Jay takes one last look at the twinkling Christmas lights that he helped install, remembering how his grandmother always strung colorful lights on their small balcony during the winter months. She would have approved of this, he thinks as he steps inside and closes the terrace doors behind him.
Inside, Darren startles him as he appears at his side almost immediately.
"I was worried you'd bailed," Darren drawls, grabbing Jay's hand. “Just when we were about to start playing Charades…”
"Well..." Jay starts. "I almost did." He looks over at Therese, who flashes him a scary smile as she converses with her sister. "And still... here I am." He grins unsteadily at Darren.
"I knew you were tough," Darren says and pulls Jay into his lap.
Jay is aware for a second that probably everyone in the room is monitoring their kiss. But as Darren's hand curls in his hair and he doesn't stop whispering small praises against his lips, Jay realizes he doesn't care. Out of the corners of his eyes he notices Margaret reaching for her husband's hand, squeezing it. Both are smiling as they pretend to nurse their drinks.
Maybe Jay is doing better at family Christmas than he thought.
Thank you, Lovis, what a great late Christmas present. So lovely and I am happy that Darrens Family is so nice and welcoming. I enjoyed the chapter especialle. Have a good new year!!!!
ReplyDeleteI love these updates! Thanks so much, happy holidays and happy new year!
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