Not Gay - Chapter 29

The guys meet at Jay’s place for a pre-Christmas party, though this mostly means video games, beer, and a few too many rounds of joints. Chris bakes pizza and his own brand of cookies in Jay’s kitchen, wearing a Santa hat like the lunatic that he is. Jay lounges on the couch with the others, battling them at Mario Kart and making fun of Elmer getting his pants in a twist about what he’ll give his girlfriend as a present for Christmas.

“I just feel like this is important,” Elmer says, oblivious to the others almost dying from suppressed laughter. “I want to show her that I really care.”

Jay doesn’t turn his eyes away from the large screen. “What did you do when you were dating?” he asks over the jingle from the speakers, pressing a button on the game controller to drift around a corner. “Maybe that will give you an idea.”

Elmer shrugs. “We’d go to a bar…” he starts, only to get interrupted by someone shoving his shoulder.

“Seriously? That was your idea of a date? She works in a bar!”

Elmer throws his hands in the air. “So what?! She liked it, didn’t she?”

Jay scoffs. “She liked you…”

“Girls want to know you can be useful at home,” Yassin chimes in—a colleague of Darren and, as far as Jay knows, the only married person in the room. “Give her yourself in an apron, with a pan in one hand and a dust mop in the other. I’m sure she’ll appreciate that!”

“Good idea,” someone says. “Make sure to wear the apron, and only the apron though.”

The room shakes with laughter, and Elmer pouts. “I hate you,” he says. “You don’t understand, it’s serious this time.”

“Is it?” someone else quips, prompting more snickers while a few in the group exchange knowing looks.

It wouldn’t be the first time Elmer’s made such an announcement. Jay tries to remember when Elmer and his girlfriend met, and he realizes it’s been almost as long since he and Darren have started becoming more than just casual friends. So maybe things are getting serious.

Chris sticks his head out from the kitchen. “If you want to know what she’d value… maybe think about the presents she gives you.”

Elmer pauses, opens his mouth, and then blushes slightly, which does nothing to sober the others.

“Yeah, going back to the apron…” someone from the group suggests.

Cracking up like schoolboys, they roll around on the couch, when Jay realizes he received a text from Darren. He reads it, frowning slightly.

“Is he coming?” Chris asks in a low voice, sidling up next to Jay, bringing a smell of herbs and onions from the kitchen. “He’s not one for being late, is he?”

Indeed, Darren should have been here a while ago. “Yep,” Jay says, patting the phone. “He’s downstairs.” The relief flooding Jay hints at just how worried he’d been. It’s already dark outside and has been snowing for almost an hour.

“He says he tried ringing, but it isn’t working,” Jay explains.

“That’s weird. Is your doorbell broken?” Yassin asks.

“Can’t be, you idgit, it worked half an hour ago,” Elmer snaps. “Also, can we please focus? I need an idea for a Christmas present. One that doesn’t involve aprons!”

As the room veers back to discussing appropriate (and less appropriate) gifts for girlfriends, Jay goes to buzz open the main entrance and waits for Darren at the open door to his apartment. Chris joins him a minute later, offering a spliff, his hands still sprinkled with flour.

“How’s it going with you and Darren?” he asks, leaning against the doorframe. “I heard the bathroom works alright now.”

Jay blushes, thinking about their first proper sleepover. “Hm… yeah. It’s, uh… I think it’s going pretty well, actually.” He realizes he’s grinning like a maniac. “Thanks again for helping with the installations, dude. Couldn’t have done it without you.”

“No probs. The guys think it’s endlessly hilarious.”

Jay laughs. “I bet they do.” He looks down the empty hallway without really seeing it, the laughter and dimmed conversations from the apartment floating past him. “They’ve been… nice about it, actually.”

Maybe too nice. Jay’s friends had all taken the news of him and Darren being an item in stride. He’d expected more questions—especially about his sexual orientation—or even some awkwardness, but none of that happened. Now that he thinks about it, he feels a little bad for ever doubting them. They’re good friends. Still, the teasing has been minimal, which is actually something Jay’s glad of. He just can’t figure out why they're treading lightly.

“I mean…” Jay takes another drag, the nervous energy leaving his body after worrying about Darren’s late arrival.

“Not that I’m complaining…”

Inside, Elmer is still getting roasted for being a sentimental sucker.

“Don’t worry,” Chris says, taking the spliff back as Jay hands it to him. He inhales deeply and continues. “This will need some getting used to, for everyone. It’s different with you two.”

Scratching his neck, Jay narrows his eyes. “How’s it different?”

Darren had been openly gay for forever, as far as he knows, or that’s what Chris had told him. In fact, it came up so little that Jay had actually missed that point entirely, before he tried to share his mostly hetero porn collection with Darren, falling pretty flat with it at first.

Chris eyes Jay from under the Santa hat, hesitant. “It’s, you know, higher stakes, I guess. With you both being part of the group. Everyone feels more involved. And then… well. We don’t want any of you to get hurt.”

Jay bristles immediately. Why would he or Darren get hurt? He doesn’t fool himself into thinking their relationship is above what usually brings couples apart. But it’s not like they haven’t been heartbroken before. They both dated before. In Jay’s case, quite extensively. Okay, it’s a bit different now because he’s with a guy for the first time. And he hasn’t remodeled his bathroom for anyone before. Not that it was necessary ever, of course. And Darren… well, he’s more experienced and stronger than all of them combined. Isn’t he?

At that point, they hear the rattle of the elevator, announcing its arrival.

The doors of the elevator slide open, and Jay’s heart skips a beat as it reveals Darren in his wheelchair. Funny how the large guy still has this effect on him, Jay muses. Darren is clothed in his thick padded coat and wearing a furry hat, dotted with slowly melting snow. As he looks up and notices Jay and Chris waiting for him in the open door, a slight smile of surprise lights up his face.

“Hey,” he says, his voice rumbling as usual, and Jay feels enormously relieved seeing him visibly alright. But then Darren tries to lift his left hand back to the joystick mounted at the end of the armrest. It trembles, just inches from it, before his legs kick out, throwing him off track. He growls, more with resignation than anger. After a moment, he gives it another try and succeeds in somehow knocking the back of his hand into the ball at the end of the joystick, enough to make the wheelchair clear the cubicle before his arm goes haywire again.

“Yeah…” Darren murmurs as the grip of the spasm loosens slightly and his body sags a little in his chair, his head falling back against the headrest. He looks at Jay and Chris, who are staring at him, a weary expression in his eyes. “That.”

It dawns on Jay that the doorbell definitely isn’t broken. Darren most likely simply didn’t manage to reach the button up high. It’s a wonder he managed to navigate the elevator.

“I’ll make you a cup of tea,” Chris says and promptly disappears. Jay wonders dimly how hot flavored water will help with this situation before he steps forward to greet his boyfriend, only narrowly stopping himself from curling up in Darren’s lap in an attempt to comfort him.

“Hey yourself,” Jay whispers instead. Tentatively, he reaches out to place his hands at the sides of Darren’s head, his thumbs gently stroking over Darren’s cold cheeks. Part of Darren’s beard is still frozen, he notices, clumps of snow clinging to it.

Darren closes his eyes as he leans into Jay’s touch, a groan escaping as Jay kisses his chilly lips. Darren’s legs have started trembling slightly again, causing the wheelchair to shake.

“You didn’t have to come if you don’t feel well,” Jay whispers, his lips close to Darren’s cheeks. His stomach knots, picturing Darren traveling to Jay’s place in this state.

There’s a roar of laughter from inside the apartment, causing Darren to jump.

Jay follows his gaze. “I’m sorry. I can send the guys away if—”

Darren cuts Jay short with an impatient groan and shifts, trying to access the controls of his chair again. When he wavers, Jay takes his boyfriend’s large hand in both of his, capturing the twitching fingers, intending to guide his hand to the joystick.

“Damn, your fingers are cold!” Jay exclaims and sucks in air.

Leaning his head back again, Darren chuckles slightly. “Uh huh. Why do you think I’m in such a fucked-up state?” His voice is raspy, the syllables slow on his tongue.

Rubbing Darren’s freezing cold hand, Jay looks up at him, stunned. Really? Because of the cold? “Shit,” he mumbles, more to himself.

“Should’ve taken a taxi. Trains are a total chaos today,” Darren mumbles, his eyes closing as Jay resumes warming his fingers. “But it’s impossible to get one on less snowy days already.”

He means a taxi that can take him in his electric wheelchair, as Jay knows. Darren told him about the glaring shortage of wheelchair-accessible van taxis.

Jay places Darren's left hand on the joystick, holding it for a moment to make sure it won’t slip off. “Come quickly inside then, you can warm up there.”

Eyebrows knitted together in concentration, Darren finally succeeds in steering the electric wheelchair over the threshold. His movements are still jerky and unpredictable, and the wheelchair accelerates and stops abruptly, more than once scraping the wall before Darren makes it to the living room, where he’s greeted with a great hello by everyone.

Darren positions himself next to the couch and, unsurprisingly, doesn’t make a move to transfer. He accepts Jay taking his hat and, after some hesitation, lets Jay help extricate him from his coat, but that’s about as much interaction as he seems willing to engage in. No one dares to bother him, everyone well aware they’d risk getting their head ripped off if they made a wrong comment.

“There you go. This will help,” Chris says, placing a cup of steaming tea on the low table in front of the couch. He receives an appreciative nod from Darren.

Not much later, Chris announces that the pizza is ready, and everyone takes that as a cue to jump up from the couch and follow Chris into the kitchen, leaving only Jay and Darren in the living room.

“Are you hungry?” Jay asks softly, eyeing Darren, who still stares into the middle distance, his jaw tight. “I can grab a plate for you. I think Chris made salami and artichokes, and there’s Hawaiian too. Or…” He hesitates, still observing Darren. “…if you need to lie down, you can always use the bedroom. You know that, right?”

Darren shifts position with a groan, his right knee lifting slightly. His right arm is tightly curled, his fist pressed against his chest. “Ugh…” he says. “No thanks… I…” He directs tired eyes at Jay. “Tea would be nice though.”

Jay stares at him a second too long before it hits him what Darren is asking for. He hurries to pick up the cup of tea, which has cooled enough to drink by now, and carefully lifts it to Darren’s lips. The larger man drinks in small sips, then leans back, sighing a little. “Thanks,” he mumbles, avoiding Jay’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Instead of answering right away, Jay grabs Darren’s shoulders, firmly steadying him as he kisses him deeply. “What the hell for?” he asks then, looking into Darren’s cloudy face.

The other doesn’t answer, but his shoulders sag a little under Jay’s hands.

“You’ve had a shitty day, and you’re still unwell, so…” Jay kisses Darren again. “Don’t apologize.”

Not breaking eye contact with Darren, Jay uses the controls of Darren’s wheelchair to steer it closer to the couch so he can sit on the couch’s armrest and lean against Darren’s chest, without Darren having to leave the wheelchair or putting pressure on his still-quivering legs. Darren’s left hand lifts weakly, then falls back into his lap, fingers twitching. Mumbling something Jay doesn’t understand, he gives Jay a kiss on the top of his head.

“Oh, the lovebirds!”

Balancing plates laden with pieces of pizza, the guys return to the living room and plop down on the couch to tuck in audibly.

From where he’s lying on Darren’s chest, Jay can watch his boyfriend from below. Darren observes their friends quarreling over the best seats and then enjoying their meal, a small smile tugging at the edges of his lips. It widens slightly when Darren looks down and meets Jay’s eyes. Jay brings one hand up to the side of Darren’s face, letting his fingers travel over the still-damp stubble, then card through his soft hair. When he stretches a little to kiss Darren, the other groans softly.

“Get a room!” Elmer says, his mouth full. “This is pretty good, by the way, Chris.” He waves a piece of floppy pizza at Chris, who has just exited the kitchen.

Chris smiles and sits down as well. Directed at Jay and Darren, he says, “I reserved some pizza for you. If you’d like to eat later.”

“They’ve got other things to do once we’re gone,” someone says, and a few people snicker, though others continue munching on their pizza and give Darren a cautious side look.

Darren doesn’t react to the teasing. Jay snuggles into his side, yawning, then kisses Darren’s cheek. “Huh? Can’t imagine what that’ll be,” he mumbles. “You?”

“Definitely none of your business,” Darren growls, and the room falls quiet all of a sudden. Then Darren chuckles and turns his head to kiss Jay back, all tongue and no shame. Elmer hoots, drawing some laughter from the others.

Jay thinks that maybe there’s an additional reason he hasn’t seen the rear end of the bro jokes lately. Darren can be intimidating at times. And maybe that effect rubs off on Jay now too, as Darren’s boyfriend.

After pizza, there are Chris’s “Christmas” cookies for dessert, and this time Darren joins in. A few joints make the rounds as well, and by the time Darren transfers over to the couch, he’s already a bit past the point of caring if he’ll fall flat on his face in front of it—or so it seems to Jay and Elmer, who both dart forward to steady Darren as he staggers.

“Geez…” Darren mumbles, letting himself be escorted on both sides, all three of them pivoting like some worryingly decimated line-dance group, then lowering down on the couch together. “I’m alright,” Darren insists. “Could’ve managed alone, you know?” But there’s no real fire behind his complaint.

Later, Jay and Darren share the remains of the pizza that Chris saved for them, sitting on the couch, with Jay balancing the plate on his lap. Darren licks his fingers after finishing the last piece, groaning comfortably.

“My parents want to invite you for Christmas,” he says to Jay, struggling to sit up straighter. “At their home… that is, their house… where I live.”

Jay turns to him, the plate on his lap empty. “Oh,” he says. “Um…” It’s not like he has plans for Christmas. Sometimes he meets with Chris, who can’t afford a plane ticket to visit his family every year, but most often he stays home like any other day of the year.

“You don’t need to come, obviously. I mean… it may be a lot, with my sisters and their families…” Darren says softly. He manages to place his left hand on Jay’s forearm, squeezing weakly. “My parents like you. They thought it would be nice.”

Fidgeting, Jay plays around with the empty plate in his lap. He likes Darren’s parents, too, and of course he’s rather curious to get to know his sisters. He doesn’t want to intrude on some private family tradition, though.

“They’re all dying to get to know you. And I’d appreciate having someone to rescue me from having to play charades.” Darren grins.

Jay chuckles, imagining Darren at charades. It’s an impossible picture on many levels. “Okay…” he says hesitantly. “I kinda wanna see that…”

“Cool,” Darren says, leaning back again. “I’ll tell them. And no need to bring anything; it’s all taken care of.”

Jay nods, looking at the TV screen, where Elmer and Chris are battling each other in a vintage-looking fighting game. This is not only another step toward serious commitment. It’s also his first Christmas with a family in over a decade. He’s a bit worried it may be too much to take on at the same time.

The party breaks down into small groups sitting together and talking, or individuals draped over some furniture and listening to the music someone streams onto Jay’s sound system. The curtain around the restroom entrance becomes the target of a few bawdy jokes throughout the night, and Jay is glad they bought a sturdy fabric and bolted it securely to the ceiling. The last guests leave well past midnight, not counting a few figures who’ve passed out on the couch before that. Jay throws a blanket over them before turning down the lights and following Darren to bed. Darren had called it quits as one of the first, and when Jay went to check on him not much later, he was already snoring on his side of the bed, still fully clothed.

As Jay climbs in next to Darren now, Darren stirs, groaning something unintelligible.

“It’s just me,” Jay whispers, quietly lying down next to Darren, and kisses his nose. “Go back to sleep, honey.” It’s already warm under the blanket, and he smiles as he pulls it higher over himself.

“Come here.” Darren’s voice is thick from sleep. He scrambles a little to move himself onto his side.

Jay backs up into Darren’s warmth, letting himself be cradled. He feels Darren’s legs twitch behind his as Darren nuzzles the nape of his neck, planting a few kisses there. Goosebumps rise on Jay’s skin, and he can’t suppress a gasp.

After a while, Darren doesn’t seem so sleepy anymore. His breath is heavy in Jay’s ear, his right arm jerking against Jay’s side.

Chuckling, Jay turns around to face Darren again. “Are we postponing sleep?”

Darren blinks, grinning weakly. “Just for a bit,” he murmurs. “Isn’t my fault you’re being too cute to simply fall back asleep next to.”

Jay blushes and surges in for a kiss, parting his lips slightly to let Darren’s tongue in. As they kiss, Jay’s hand trails over Darren’s shoulder, down his trembling right arm, and cups his loosely curled fist. He intertwines their fingers, and when he opens his eyes, he notices Darren watching him.

Jay leans back. “That okay?” he asks and lifts Darren’s hand to his mouth to kiss each finger, reveling in the twitching of the muscles at the tender touch.

Darren tilts his head and says nothing, but he doesn’t try to stop Jay.

When Jay leans forward to kiss Darren’s lips again, Darren rolls onto his back, taking Jay with him in the ninja move that still takes Jay by surprise. Jay giggles and squirms, peppering Darren’s face, his throat, and his ears with kisses, listening to Darren’s low moans as he does. They make out like this until they’re both breathless and hard.

“Let me see you,” Darren murmurs, his eyes hooded.

Jay sits up, pulling the waistband of his pajamas and underpants down to free himself. He gives himself a few lazy strokes, his skin prickling as Darren watches him.

“Take it slow,” Darren rasps, his erection straining against the fabric of his trunks.

Jay takes lube out of the drawer and applies it generously, humming with pleasure at the slick feeling of skin on skin. He starts with slow strokes along his entire length, gently tugging at the foreskin, his back arching slightly.

“Yeah, like that,” Darren says, his voice thick with arousal. His head briefly presses back into the pillows with a spasm. Once he recovers, he goes on: “Looking incredible, babe. Just like that.”

Glowing, Jay adjusts his grip, his hips slightly bucking up into his fist. The wet, rhythmic sound of him jacking off rings through the room, accompanied by their heavy breaths. Jay leans his head back, soft moans falling from his lips.

“Good.” Darren doesn’t move his eyes away from Jay’s hand on his cock, his breathing shallower now. His right hand spasms somewhere near Jay’s thigh, and he pinches his nipples with the fingers of his left, punching a groan from his chest. “You’re doing so good,” he rasps, his speech getting slurred. “A little faster now.”

Moaning louder, Jay picks up speed, the muscles in his ass squeezing from the effort. His breath comes quicker too, his head getting a bit light from the lack of oxygen, and he feels the pressure building tighter within himself.

“Perfect, just perfect,” Darren chants, his eyes glassy.

Jay gasps. “Getting there,” he warns, blinking his eyes as he checks in with Darren.

Darren’s legs under Jay are trembling incessantly, his left arm jerking outward aimlessly. Darren ignores his body’s antics, single-mindedly focused on Jay, his face a grimace of equal pain and pleasure as he watches Jay taking himself apart.

“Tell me when…” Darren grunts, his left hand desperately clutching at Jay’s thigh.

Jay nods hurriedly. “Close, so close,” he whines, his hips pistoning into his fist, his muscles screaming at him. The impossible pressure rises a notch and his back arches. “Gonna come, Darren. Gonna… Now, now, ahh.” His vision goes white for a moment as his cock pulses in his hand, come coating his knuckles. He jerks himself through it, once, twice, before collapsing forward, catching himself with his other hand on Darren’s chest, gasping for air.

Darren’s body jerks heavily under Jay, and it takes Jay a moment to realize Darren is orgasming as well. His face is contorted by spasms, his head suddenly lifts, and a muffled cry escapes him as all his muscles lock at once. A large, dark spot forms at the front of his trunks as his body shakes through climax, his legs going wild. Darren groans gutturally, his left hand a tight fist at his side while he rides the waves, his cock emptying itself untouched. After what seems like forever, Darren’s muscles go slack, and his head falls back into the pillow, his eyes closed and his lips parted, panting.

Jay whimpers and collapses onto Darren, catching his breath. When he feels like his heart isn’t trying to beat its way out of his chest anymore, he turns his head to look up at Darren. “Are you… alright?” he asks carefully, sliding off of Darren.

Darren doesn’t open his eyes, but he gives an unspecific grunt, so he must still be alive, Jay deduces.

“You need anything?” Jay asks, though now that he’s stretched out next to Darren, he feels pinned down to the mattress by exhaustion and very unwilling to move anymore.

Darren manages to shake his head.

Jay throws the blanket over them and scoots close enough to Darren to place his head onto his chest, feeling it expand with deep breaths. He closes his eyes, covers Darren’s hand on his stomach with his own, and immediately feels sleep trying to pull him under as well. “Love you,” he murmurs before he’s gone, and a slight twitch in Darren’s hand is the only answer he receives.