The One Who Got Away – CH 9

Chapter 9: Yeti Bastard 

Kay felt hot. And not from the physical task of getting that shirt off of Seth's unhelpful body. She hoped her cheeks weren't as red as they felt. Chewing her lip, she put the towel away and used that moment to pull herself together a bit. "I should have had a fresh shirt ready for you before taking off the wet one," she rambled. "Gonna grab one real quick."

Seth didn't look at her. He merely nodded.

When she came back with fresh garments a couple of minutes later, he still had his eyes down. "Is this alright?" She held up the dark green long sleeve shirt she had chosen from his dresser.

Now he glanced up briefly, producing an indifferent shrug. "Sure."

Kay bit her lip. She didn't know this Seth that was sitting in front of her right now. The Seth she knew was a confident person. But at the moment, he was radiating pure self-consciousness. Was he ashamed of what his body looked like now? Maybe he thought what she saw shocked her. It didn't – all she felt was affection. For that bony clavicle and the ribs that were showing below it. For those pointy shoulders, of which the right one was slightly lower and looked smaller, because he had less function on that side. For that soft bulge his once well-trained stomach had turned into. Affection for this body that no longer had the means to move itself. It wasn’t any less beautiful than before – just different. Kay would have liked to tell him that. But of course she couldn't.

"So," she uttered instead, gathering up the fabric of the fresh shirt in her hands. "The reverse from before?"

Seth cleared his throat, blinking. "Yeah, exactly."

Kay stepped next to him and held it up so he could push his head through. And she had the realization that this was basically the only physical part of this whole process that Seth was able to do more or less by himself: Push his head through the neck hole of his shirt. How crazy was that. In a way, she felt like it was only now that she really, truly understood how dependent he was on his aides, and how much trust he was forced to put into other people every day as they handled his body for him. 

"Now arms, right?" She looked at him.

He nodded. "It's easiest if you stick your hand through the sleeve."

"Makes sense." She started with his right side this time, now that she knew the left arm could act up. Slipping her own hand all the way into the sleeve, she grabbed his and gently pulled it through. His fingers were limp, and his palm so soft, it was unreal. How were these the same hands that had used to hold hers so firmly? "One to go," she mumbled as she placed the unreal hand back in his lap, and she leaned over to take on the left arm. It didn't resist this time around, and Kay was able to pull it through the sleeve swiftly. 

As she was easing him away from the backrest, Kay started to feel all mushy and weird inside again. Maybe it was because of that intimate feeling of having the full weight of Seth's upper body resting on her chest; or because his face was so close to her that she could feel each of his breaths. Or because of the feel of his bare back beneath her fingers. In any case, her cheeks started to burn again. In big contrast to Seth’s skin – which still felt scarily cold under her touch. She knew he couldn't regulate temperature, but she'd had no idea it was to this extent. The room was warm enough and at least his upper body was dry now, so shouldn't it have gotten a little better? She hoped the shirt would help. Should have warmed it up in the dryer.

Seth's shoulder muscles tensed up as he gathered air to talk. "Make sure to pull it all the way down in the back," he mumbled, his voice thin. 

Kay hurried up with smoothing out the fabric, then gently leaned him back and pulled down the hem around his sides and belly. She moved his arms onto the armrests and adjusted his hands, then glanced at him. "Ok?"

Seth met her gaze and managed to lend her the first smile in what seemed like forever – albeit a small one. "Sure, thanks."

Now he shifted his shoulders, nervously glancing toward the doorway. "Just leave the pants on. I’m sure Brian will be here any minute."

Not this again. With a sigh, Kay glanced at the clock. "It's not even a quarter to five. And you have no idea how cold your body is."

Seth grinded his jaw, dark eyes restless. "It's too difficult in the chair anyway. You probably wouldn't even manage to get them past my hips."

"Hey, don't doubt my undressing abilities," Kay reprimanded him playfully. 

Seth chuckled weakly. "I would never. Not so sure about your abilities in pulling wet fabric from a sack of potatoes though. Sorry."

She smirked, arching an eyebrow at him. "Only one way to find out."

The anxious flicker in his eyes was right back. "Kay –"

"They need to come off, Seth." She lent him a tender look. "And I need you to tell me how."

Seth uncomfortably rolled his shoulder, almost as if he was writhing, but he seemed to have run out of counter-arguments. He licked his lips. "You're gonna leave my boxers on."

"Even if they’re wet?"

He blinked. "Even if they’re wet."

Kay shrugged with a sigh. "Ok, sure."

Seth glanced to his right. "I need my control."

She moved it in front of him, and he pulled it closer, then repeatedly hit the settings sensor before using the straw. His backrest started to recline.

"Good idea," Kay mumbled as she watched, then quickly reached out for his arms when they started slipping from the rests, and she put them in his lap. "Right," Seth sheepishly mumbled between puffs. "Forgot about that."

By the end of the reclining process, he was positioned almost like in a deck chair. "Great," Kay put her hands on her hips. "Instructions, please."

He told her to unstrap his feet first, so that she would be able to shift his legs. Duh, Kay thought sheepishly, should have been able to think of that myself.

"You'll need to alternate between sides", Seth went on, his eyes more blinking at the ceiling than meeting hers. "Lift my hip on one side to pull the waistband down some, then switch."

"Alright." Kay took a deep breath. Who was she kidding, she was nervous about this herself. What if she messed up?

"Damn, you’re heavy." Kay was only a few minutes into the process, and she was sweating already. Her back was beginning to hurt from the constant bent over position she was in as she was leaning over Seth's midsection, arduously lifting up his hips, one side at a time.

He peered up at her with a half-smile. "Told you. You thought I’ve become a total lightweight, didn't you."

Kay smirked sheepishly. "Yeah. I guess I kind of forgot how much taller than me you are."

"Easy to forget when I'm sitting down all the time."

She straightened up for a moment to catch her breath. The process was tedious and painfully slow – she still hadn’t fully gotten the pants past Seth's hips. That she had to leave his underwear on only made it more difficult. At least those boxers had stayed somewhat dry, as far as she could tell.

"You're almost there," Seth said encouragingly, and Kay sort of felt like an athlete being cheered on by their trainer. 

With a grunt, she lifted his right hip again, and finally, she was able to work the pants down from under his butt. Of course the boxers moved right along with the khakis. Kay furtively glanced at Seth's face to check if he had noticed, but his eyes were glued to the ceiling above him, so probably not. As well as it was possible, she quickly pulled the boxers up again. Not that she, personally, would have minded them coming off, but a deal was a deal. Carefully, she worked the wet khakis further down, mindful not to disturb the tube leading down Seth's thigh. "Sorry this is taking me so long," she mumbled apologetically. 

He blinked at the ceiling, smiling lazily. "I'm used to it. It takes up to two hours to get me ready in the morning."

Pausing a beat, Kay glanced up with a hiss. "Wow."

"Yeah."

"Same at night?"

He shifted his shoulder. "A little less. Depends on what needs to be done."

She nodded quietly, sliding a hand under his right knee and carefully lifting the leg up. It was unexpectedly heavy in her grip, and somehow less atrophied than she would have assumed. Those frequent spasms seemed to maintain some kind of muscle tone. "Do you ever get impatient?" she asked.

Seth snorted softly. "That wouldn't do me much good, wouldn't it."

You and your damn stoicism. Kay lent him a fond smile. "Somehow I just knew you would say that." 

The pants were down to his knees now. Kay shifted to take off his shoes and socks – because somehow she had forgotten about those – discovering feet that had impossibly smooth soles and strangely limp toes. "How do you pass the time?" She went back to the topic. "Do you just kind of zone out, or…?"

He chuckled. "Zoning out definitely happens. But Brian and I often listen to podcasts during our routine. And other times, I just fall asleep."

Right, Kay mused silently. Easy to get sleepy when you can't feel most of the process. She slipped the pants down Seth's right calf, his foot dangling passively with every pull. "So that's what Brian meant when he said you're good at falling asleep." She grinned at him.

"Yeah well," Seth mumbled awkwardly. "It's not something I do on purpose."

Kay lifted his left foot out of the khakis. "There, we made it!" she exclaimed, and excitedly held up the wet pants for him to see. He didn’t exactly share her enthusiasm, but he couldn’t help but smile a little at the way she was triumphantly waving the garment in front of him. Kay switched the khakis for the towel and quickly dried off his lower half, painfully aware of how much Seth wanted this to be over. 

"So," she inquired matter-of-factly, once his legs were dry. "Want to put on fresh pants?" She already knew the answer, and she wasn't exactly keen on going through the whole process again in reverse, but she needed to ask anyway.

"No," Seth shook his head, as expected. "Just... cover me up with something. Take that fuzzy blanket on my bed."

Life is strange, Kay silently mused while she was spreading out the fluffy fabric over Seth's lower body. Here they were, the two of them, Seth half stripped down in a wheelchair and herself sweaty and exhausted from taking off his pants. Well, she had always felt sweaty when undressing him, obviously. "But not like this", Seth had said. He was right, it had never been like this. But for some reason this right here felt almost as intimate to Kay as what they had done six years ago. 

She tucked his legs in all around, then felt the temperature of his feet. So cold. "Should at least put on some socks", she mumbled, not even asking for Seth's agreement before she disappeared into his room to get them.

"Top drawer," she heard him call after her, then the soft humming sound of the wheelchair being activated reached her ears. 

It took her a moment to find a pair of socks that seemed suitably thick, and so she couldn’t see how wrongly Seth was balanced in the chair when he moved up from his reclining position. Kay was nearly back in the living room when he called her name, and she immediately knew something was wrong – his voice sounded strange; kind of strangled. When she rushed into the room, the socks immediately fell from her hand. Seth's body was folded in the middle, arms crumpled under his torso, his head hanging down heavily, only the jerking in his neck showing how he was trying to lift it up. 

Kay was next to him within a second. "Fuck," she grunted as she braced his shoulders, struggling with the weight sagging against her. "Why … are … you… so heavy?" It felt like she was up against the heft of his whole body. Strained and awkwardly, she shifted her balance, kind of diving her shoulders underneath him and bringing her arms around his chest. His legs started spasming like crazy, and not in a way that was helpful, and it took a few attempts until he was even half upright again. Kay groaned from the effort, and so did Seth as he laboriously tried working up his chin onto her shoulder.

Finally, she had him against the backrest again, even if not as straight as he should have been, and she kept bracing his shoulders. "Jesus," she panted, searching his face. "Are you alright?"

He nodded, looking kind of embarrassed, but she could see that at same time, he was also trying not to laugh. "The lateral's," he uttered breathlessly. "I can't believe I forgot about them."

Kay's mouth dropped and she looked down at his chest, where his body was normally held in place by the paddings on both sides. "Oh my God. I’m so sorry. Shit, Seth, I'm so sorry. I don't know how –"

"Not your fault."

"Of course it is," she grimaced. "I should have put them on right after the shirt. Oh my God, I'm such an idiot."

"Stop." Seth raised his eyebrows at her. "It's not your job to think about these things. It was a stupid mistake on my side. Insanely stupid." He scoffed weakly. "I don't know where my head was at."

Your beautiful head. All tousled like that. "Are you sure you're ok?"

He smirked at her with an adorable dimple. "Yes. Stop fussing already."

They both had to laugh now, and Kay wanted to kiss him. His face was definitely close enough. She licked her lips, then a panicked voice in her head told her it was better to chicken out. With a grunt, she tried to move Seth into a straighter position, and when that didn't work, eased him slightly forward again to recalibrate the angle before putting those lateral supports where they should have been all along. 

In the end, Seth was sitting in the chair somewhat crooked and a tad slouching, but at least he couldn't fall over anymore. With a deep exhale, Kay fastened the buckle belt, then positioned his legs and rearranged the blanket on top of them.

All the while, neither of them said anything, but Kay could feel Seth's gaze as he was watching her. It was so intense it almost burned. She stood up and moved his right arm onto the armrest, then did the same with the left one and adjusted his hand, gently tugging at his ever curled index finger. It rolled back in on itself as soon as she let go. As she rested her hand on those soft knuckles for a moment, the feel of Seth's eyes prickled on her skin again, and she finally looked up.

His gaze was serious. "I‘m sorry," he said quietly.

Kay blinked. "For what?"

"For being difficult about this whole undressing thing. That wasn't fair to you."

Giving him a fond smile, Kay shook her head. "It‘s ok. I didn't take it personally," Her thumb brushed over his hand. "I'm sorry it was so uncomfortable for you."

Seth winced at the comment. "I need you to understand," he said hoarsely. "I don’t even want my family to be involved in my care, with good reason. And you're –" He broke off, swallowing.

Kay cocked her head. "I’m what?"

A shy smile twiched in the corners of his lips. "We used to sleep together, Kay. It’s not that easy to just ignore."

Momentarily chewing her lip, she looked straight into his eyes. "Does it need to be ignored?"

Seth gazed at her in confusion, his face a question mark. He obviously didn’t have the slightest clue what she was trying to say. 

Squirming a little with awkwardness, Kay took a breath. "I mean… What about that bothers you?"

A frown wrinkled his brow. "Isn’t that obvious?" He asked, not without irritation, and he slightly shook his head at her. "How much I – how much things have changed."

It wasn’t even a conscious act when she reached out then, cupping his cheek and affectionately running her thumb over his jawline. Seth froze, even startled a little, and then he just stared at her in perplexity. Her heart beating fast, Kay held his gaze, and now it was her who was shaking her head. "Not everything has changed."

And just like that, she bent down and kissed him.

It was like everything became whole. A current of warm electricity went through Kay, making her feel weak in the knees and melting her heart into a puddle. The way her whole body reacted to his lips and tongue had surprised her six years ago, and it surprised her now.

But what surprised her even more was how intensely and hungrily Seth was kissing her back, after he had frozen up for just a split second. It was almost as if his kiss was compensating for all the other things he couldn’t do right now; like cup her face, or pull her closer, or let his hands slide down her back. 

It didn’t last forever though, and when Seth suddenly pulled back, his eyes had an unexpected darkness about them. He was staring back at her in a mixture of utter disbelief and wariness. 

A feeling of unease crept up on Kay.

"You think I look at you differently now," she said softly. "That I‘m less attracted to you because of the way your body has changed. Right?" She didn’t even wait for an answer, because she didn’t need one to know she had hit the nail on the head. "Well, you’re wrong." Her fingers kneaded the back of his neck, affectionately playing with his hair. "I find you just as attractive as I always have. None of that has changed." 

Seth didn’t say anything. He just continued staring at her, as if he was still processing what had just happened. It was plainly obvious he hadn’t expected this in the least, which was confusing to Kay. And it was just as apparent that he had a hard time believing what she had just told him. Finally, as if coming out of some kind of shock, he blinked. And then, gently but decisively, he pulled away from her touch – or rather tried to twist his neck out of it. 

With a sinking heart, Kay let go of him. All of a sudden, she felt exposed, naked. Automatically, she took a step away from him, swallowing uneasily. 

"Would you at least say something," she uttered after what felt like an eternity of silence.

Seth's jaw was clenched, but his eyes were restlessly roaming over her face. "Why are you doing this?" he inquired hoarsely. "Why now?" And somehow he said it as if she had just slapped instead of kissed him. 

Which in turn, felt like a slap to Kay.

"What do you mean, why?" she asked back, avoiding a direct answer. She wasn’t going to make herself even more vulnerable and spell out her true feelings when he looked at her like that. "You know how I feel about... us. You do too, you told me. We have talked about this. About how we regret not giving it a go back then."

Seth's facial expression kept softening, the defiance in his eyes slowly replaced by sadness. When she was done talking, he heaved a shallow sigh. "It’s too late, Kay. You know it is."

Too late? What was that supposed to mean? She clenched her jaw. "Why?“ Her eyes bore into him. "Tell me why."

Seth dodged the question. Instead, he took a shaky breath, and it was almost with pleading intensity that he looked back at her. "Kay, please. Just... let it go."

If there had been a hole nearby, Kay would have gladly crawled into it, never to come out again. She felt like such a fool. But also so very confused. What Seth was saying right now didn't add up with what she was seeing in his eyes at all. Had she just imagined how deep and emotional that kiss had been? It all felt like a cruel deja-vu. None of this made any sense.

Lowering her eyes, she nodded mechanically. "Still friends?"

Seth swallowed. "Of course. Always."

It felt wrong in every possible way, but Kay couldn't deal right now. The desire to sink into the floor, or turn back time, or just in any way undo her exposure was overwhelming enough. "I‘m gonna make some hot tea," she mumbled tonelessly, and she walked out of the room. A part of her would have gladly walked out of the house.

She took her time in the kitchen to gather her bearings, trying hard to ignore the ache in her chest. Tears threatened to shoot into her eyes. Don't. Kay pressed her lips together. Just make tea. 

It barely registered with her brain when the front door opened and Brian's voice rang out as he called out for his client. 

"Woah," Kay then heard him utter. He had probably discovered all the crumpled wet clothing and towels on the floor.

"Hey Brian. The rain surprised us," she said as she walked into the living room behind him, carrying the tray with the tea. "I did what I could." 

A furtive look was shared between her and Seth, before the latter softly cleared his throat. "She did well," he said to Brian. "I'm all dried up. How‘s your car?"

Brian pulled a wry face. "Not sure yet, the guy kept it at the shop. I took a cab from there." He nodded in appreciation as Kay handed him a steaming mug. Then he gave his client a skeptical look as he approached him. "How wet did you get?"

Kay took the liberty to answer that. "Very," she said pointedly. "Like to the bone."

Having put down his tea already, Brian went to touch Seth's hands, then he knelt down to do the same with his feet. 

Right, Kay realized. She had never gotten around to put on those socks. With all the keeling over and kissing happening instead.

A disapproving grumble came from Brian’s beard, and he pushed the fuzzy blanket to the side, then slightly lifted one of Seth's legs to slide a hand under his butt. The look on his face indicated he wasn't happy with what he found. "We need to get you into bed," he announced. "You’re way too cold for my liking, and your backside is not as dry as you think."

Seth didn't protest. "Ok," he mumbled, and only now Kay noticed how tired he looked. 

"Kind of a miracle your teeth aren't chattering right now," Brian remarked as he rearranged the blanket. He pulled the rest of the fuzzy fabric up to Seth’s chest, covering as much of his body as possible. "Simply drying off won't cut it."

Kay winced. So she actually had messed up after all. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I didn't know."

Brian turned to her with a bewildered frown. "It's not your fault. Seth should have told you." He threw the other man a dry look.

"It's not like Kay would have been able to get me out of the chair," Seth retorted with a shrug. "What else could we have done?"

Brian stared at him with an expression like there was a lot he wanted to say to that. But he didn't. He took a sip from his mug and lent Kay a kind look. "The tea was a very good idea."

Only that she'd had that very good idea about one hour too late. Kay felt kind of stupid for not having thought of that much earlier. Or of any other thing that would have warmed Seth up. Then again, Brian was right – it should have been Seth's job to let her know. She stepped over to him and held up his sipping cup. "Here." 

His eyes were kind of somber when he briefly glanced up and took the straw between his lips. 

Kay scoffed softly to herself. You're not the one who gets to feel gloomy right now, Seth.

Brian put his mug on the coffee table. "You drink that tea. I'm gonna prepare the bed."

Silence ensued once he had left the room. Kay studied Seth's face while he drank. He really did look tired. And was he trembling? Shit, he was. But now she didn't know if he was doing so because he was shivering from the cold or because of the full-body spasm that hit him right at this moment. Seth let go of the drinking straw, scrunching up his face. The blanket slid from his chest, pulled down by shaking arms. Kay had seen this happen several times, and she knew these were the kind of spasms that were painful and took away his air. She called out for Brian. 

"Hmm," the PCA uttered when he walked in. "Another sign you need to get into bed asap." He motioned for Kay to make room and bent down in front of Seth to press down on his limbs. 

It took a felt eternity for the spasms to stop, and when they finally did, Kay saw that Seth was, in fact, shivering. Fuck. She felt like an idiot. For one, because she had not realized how cold he had truly been feeling this whole time. And two, because she had not seen through the fact he had probably been keeping it together because he hadn’t wanted her to notice. Bastard. Three, because now it felt like the whole undressing and drying up process had basically been for nothing. And four, because she obviously was an idiot in general, as that kissing stunt of hers had proven.

"Kay?" Brian called out from the bedroom. "Can we get some more of that tea please?"

He and Seth had disappeared in there fifteen minutes ago, and she had already been wondering if maybe it was time for her to go home. Not yet, apparently. 

Seth was on his side, fully tucked in – really tucked in. His face, framed by the fuzzy blanket, was literally the only part of his body that wasn't covered up. He looked like a Yeti. His eyes were closed, and his features looked utterly exhausted. Bastard. 

"Not cold my ass," Kay mumbled when she crouched down next to him. She couldn't decide whether to be annoyed with him or worried.

Seth tiredly blinked at her, not saying anything. 

"Here you go, Mr. Yeti," she said softly. "More tea."

"Thanks," he mumbled. When he was done drinking, he looked her in the eyes. "You should leave now."

Kay let out a surprised laugh. "Should I now."

Seth didn't blink. "Things around here are only gonna become less fun from here on out," he stated. "And didn't you have plans tonight?"

"No I didn't."

"Then maybe you should make some."

Kay knitted her brow, studying him. "Less fun from here on out"... She probably would have left. If he hadn't said what he'd just said. And if he hadn't soundef like her leaving was weirdly urgent to him. 

She furtively glanced over to Brian. This was one of those moments where it felt weird to have a PCA present. But Brian was intensely studying the clothes he was currently folding, his face saying something like: 'Who, me? I'm not even here right now.'

With a deep sigh, Kay stood up. "Ok, I will leave", she said to Seth, then added pointedly: "Your room. Cause I'm sure not gonna leave the house."

Seth's eyes widened, and for a second, he was speechless. "Kay," he then croaked. "Get back down here."

She realized the Yeti blanket surrounding his face probably limited his field of vision. Obliging, she squatted down next to him again, putting her hand on the edge of the mattress. Seth gave her a look. "Don't be ridiculous."

She shook her head. "I'm not. Seriously, I'm not leaving you right now, not until I know for sure you're ok. Not with your family out of town."

"I am ok."

"So you've said an hour ago, too."

He rolled his eyes. "Kay, come on. It's not like I'm alone. Brian's here."

"And thank God for that. But Brian is also being paid to be here. No offense, Brian."

"None taken," the PCA briefly threw in.

Kay and Seth were staring each other down, deadlocked. At some point he closed his eyes in exhaustion. "You're unbelievable."

"Likewise", she retorted fondly. She would have liked to touch him, stroke his tired eyelids. "I promise I will get out of yours and Brian's hair. I'm just gonna cook us some dinner and watch tv or whatever. But I'm not leaving you."

There was a pause, in which Kay waited for him to either protest further or give in with resignation. Instead, when he opened his eyes to look at her, he said softly: "Thank you."

It was what she had least expected, and for a second, she struggled to keep her composure. Damn him. This whole stoicism of his was all an act. Right now at least, because his face was radiating pure vulnerability. Shit. Kay swallowed and forced a smile. Without thinking about it she reached out and let her hand rest on his temple, gently brushing her thumb over his forehead. Who cared about the fucking friendzone, this was one of the few spots on his body where he could feel touch, and right now about the only one that wasn't covered by a fuzzy blanket. Seth did flinch almost imperceptibly at the gesture, but only at first. Then he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Bastard.

Instead of cooking dinner herself, Kay ended up ordering pizza, which she and Brian ate a couple of hours later. Seth was still asleep, and he was running a temperature. "Gonna keep a close eye on it," Brian had said. "He might just sleep it off."

Kay wasn't convinced, and she could see Brian wasn't either. They ate their pizza in silence for a while, until she sighed. "I feel so bad for not warming him up better."

Brian shrugged. "Like I said, he should have let you know. His body, his job. You can't know these things."

"I could have asked," Kay mumbled. "Then again," she snorted, "he probably wouldn't have given me a truthful answer anyway."

Brian knitted his brow a little, and he took his time to finish chewing on the piece of pizza in his mouth. Then he looked at Kay. "You know it's not that he doesn't trust you, right? It's just…," he scratched his beard sheepishly, "a male pride thing, I guess."

Kay couldn't help but scoff at that. "Seth is pretty much the last person I would ever associate with that term. He's never been like that."

The PCA shrugged. "I'm sure that's true. But when you say he’s never been like that… well, he's also never been disabled before."

She blinked at him, then stared at the table. "True." She took a bite of her pizza, then looked at Brian pensively. "It’s kind of funny, isn‘t it. I've known him much longer overall, but you've been with him ever since he got injured. So as of now, you kind of know him better than I do."

Brian shifted awkwardly, weighing his head. "I would rather say, I know him in different ways."

Different ways. There were so many questions Kay wanted to ask Brian right now, about all the things that he knew and she didn't. About the Seth she was still getting to know. But she knew that would have overstepped Brian's boundaries as Seth's employee, and probably also as his friend. And it wouldn't have been fair to Seth either. 

"You can have the guest room." the PCA brought her out of her thoughts. "I won't be needing it."

Kay stared at him dumbfounded. "How did you know I was planning to sleep here?"

Brian simply shrugged, smirking, but he didn't say anything.

She cleared her throat. "Well, thank you, that's…," she paused, frowning. "Wait, why won't you be needing it?"

"I won’t really sleep tonight. I can still doze on the couch if things go well."

If things go well? Kay gulped, and Brian chuckled, probably guessing what she was thinking. "I just need to keep an eye on him, that's all." He lent her a placating smile. "Don't worry too much."

Kay went upstairs soon after they had finished their dinner. She felt a little awkward about her decision to spend the night at the house – no, who was she kidding: She actually felt very awkward about it.

But at the same time, it just seemed so very clear that this was the way it had to be. It almost was like her body wasn't able to perform the action of leaving. Seth wasn't ok, and she couldn’t leave until he was. That simple.

She didn’t know how, if he’d been awake, he would have felt about her simply inviting herself for a sleepover just because he was unwell. Then again, she didn't know anymore how Seth felt about a lot of things. Her kissing him for example and sort of, kind of revealing that she still had feelings for him. Sure, he had rejected her – she was painfully aware of that. Except that his rejection didn't make sense, still. It felt wrong. It felt… contrived. 

But maybe she was just delusional. Maybe Seth really didn't have those kinds of feelings for her anymore. Even though every fiber of her body told her otherwise. 

She couldn't deal with this right now. Right now, she was exhausted from the roller coaster this day had been, and right now, she needed to focus on not worrying. And so, after tossing and turning for a felt eternity, Kay went to sleep.

To be continued...