The One Who Got Away – CH 7

Chapter 7

Part One: The Body You Desire

A week later, Kay went on a blind date. Not that she actually wanted to. She had more or less stumbled into the whole thing, just because the guy was her boss's secretary's cousin. Lacy – the secretary – had sworn he was “just the man” for her. Even though Lacy barely even knew her, except for saying “good morning”, “how are you?” and “have a nice weekend”. 

Kay's first and only longer exchange with her had been a few days ago on a shared ten-minute coffee break. It was all small talk about the weather and the traffic that morning.

"So Kay," the secretary then had asked abruptly. “Got someone special in your life?”

"Not really." Even though that had sort of felt like a lie to Kay.

"Oh my God, I know just the guy for you!" Lacy had excitedly pulled out her phone, and her long golden gel nails had tapped and swiped around on the screen until someone's blurry profile picture had appeared. "My cousin Gideon," she'd beamed. "I bet he's just your type. Very sophisticated. Tall, dark and handsome, you know."

Kay had frowned at the picture. The guy in it looked nothing like that description, but maybe the photo just didn't do him justice.

"He's very intelligent," Lacy had gone on with enthusiasm. "And you’ve got a lot in common, too!"

Like what? The preference for good weather and no traffic? "I don't know…"

But Lacy had grabbed her by both shoulders, a strong whiff of sweet perfume engulfing Kay's senses. "Oh Kay, please, you have to go on a date with him!"

And so now here she was, standing in front of an Italian restaurant, waiting for that guy Gideon who was apparantely going to sweep her off her feet. It was raining, and because she'd naturally been early and waiting for ten minutes already, Kay was beginning to feel cold.

"Kate?" A voice from under an umbrella asked.

"It's Kay," she remarked, and she dipped her head to look at him. The picture on Lacy's phone did do him justice – he was neither tall nor handsome, and certainly not dark. His frizzy, half long hair with sideburns was sandy blond at best. 

Gideon shrugged. "Shall we go in? My shoes are getting wet."

She followed him up the four steps to the restaurant's entrance, and for some reason all she could think of was how very inaccessible it would have been for Seth. Kay wondered what he was doing right now. Probably sitting at dinner with his parents, who would be leaving for Japan in two days.

Once they were situated at their table, Kay got a better look at Gideon. His cheeks were soft with red spots on them, and he had almost no facial hair. Not as in clean shaven, but in the sense that there apparently was barely anything growing there ever. Which made him one of those men who eternally looked like fresh out of puberty. He was not only not her type, he was practically the anti-type of everything she found attractive. 

"I'm a big connoisseur of Italian cuisine," Gideon announced when they were looking at their menus. "Let me know if there's anything I can recommend to you."

Kay smiled faintly. "Thanks, I think I –"

"I come here all the time," he talked over her. "It's the best place in town." Clapping his menu shut, he looked around for the waiter, his eyes barely grazing Kay. "Do you know what you want?"

She sighed. "Sure."

"You know what, Kate?" Gideon gave her a thin lipped smile once they had ordered. "You are very pretty. Lacy told me you were, but you never know, right?" He made a winky face that made Kay want to throw up. 

Fighting against her every bodily impulse, she managed to smile back. "Right. By the way… I think you got my name wrong. It's Kay, not Kate."

He scratched his chin, studying her philosophically. "Interesting," he mumbled. "I don't think I've ever met a woman who just abbreviates her name with her first letter."

Christ. "It’s not –"

"Oh, here come our drinks! Grazie, Luigi."

Whatever, Kay decided. She didn't actually care what the guy thought her name was. This date had barely even started, and she already wanted it to be over. If she was honest with herself: She had wanted it to be over yesterday. 

While they were eating some bruschetta and waited for the main course, Gideon talked a lot. He barely asked her any questions and instead focused on what he was apparently most passionate about: Himself. "I'm all about self-optimization," he said. "Keeping myself healthy and fit, following a good work-life balance," He fumbled the side of his head, attempting to smooth out his frizzy hair. "And I always keep my goals in sight. Anyone can achieve anything if they truly want to. It's all" – he tapped his temple – "right here."

Kay took a big gulp from her glass, feeling exhausted already. At least this wine was really good. She took another sip. "Anyone can do anything?" she then inquired. "Really?"

"But of course!" Gideon propped up his elbows on the table, putting his fingertips together. "Take me, for example. I started out as a simple high school teacher, and now I'm a successful motivational speaker."

She almost choked on her bruschetta. "You're a motivational speaker?" If she had known that, she would never have agreed to go on a date with him in the first place.

Gideon was nodding his head proudly. "I help people become their best selves."

Kay raised a lazy eyebrow. "I'm dying to hear how they can do that."

Of course Gideon didn't pick up on her dry tone of voice. "I'm glad you’re asking, Kate," he said, again smoothing out his hair. "So, for instance. Some people don't have the fit and healthy body they desire. But they don't really do anything to change it, you know? Instead of taking matters into their own hands and becoming their healthiest, happiest version. It's about manifesting stuff."

Kay felt her jaw tighten. "What about people who manifest all they want and still don't get the body they desire?"

Gideon gave her a scoff. "Obviously they're doing it wrong. It's all excuses. Want to be fit and healthy and happy? Work for it. Earn it." He rammed his index finger onto the table. "Deserve it."

Kay knew she should have been taking this for what it was: Laughable nonsense. A few months ago, she probably would have been rather entertained by it. It would have been one of those encounters she would later have told her friends about, laughing tears. Not now though, not anymore.

"Good health is a gift," she said tightly. "Not something you deserve, or something you earn."

Now Gideon raised his shoulders with an expression on his face like he was trying to be Robert De Niro. Which, with his hairless and rosy face, looked nothing short of ridiculous. "Don't be so sure, Kate. People don't get sick for no reason."

"People have accidents for no reason."

"That's debatable."

She blinked, unable to keep her jaw from dropping. "Excuse me?"

"Like I said before," red cheeked and frizzy haired Robert De Niro stated complacently. "Manifestation."

Ignorant asshole. "So if you crash your car tomorrow and are permanently disabled," she muttered through almost clenched teeth, "you manifested that, too?"

Gideon smiled. A thin lipped, smug smile. "Yes, absolutely. But that would never happen to me."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really." He crossed his arms. "See, I don't manifest myself as a loser. Which means I’m never going to become one."

Kay laid her hands flat on the table. "So just we understand each other," she said slowly, needing all of her energy to keep the outrage from her voice. "You think people with disabilities are losers?" 

For the first time, Gideon looked kind of uneasy, but only for a millisecond. "Well," he raised his eyebrows at her. "Who in their right mind wants to live as damaged goods?"

Without thinking, Kay abruptly pushed back her chair and stood up. "If you'll excuse me for a minute, I'm gonna use the bathroom."

It was down a flight of stairs, no elevator, and there was nowhere a door in sight with a wheelchair icon on it. Fucking inaccessible establishmens. No matter that Seth wasn't with her right now – the point was that if he had wanted to, he wouldn't have been able to go to this restaurant. 

“Just don't waste too much of your energy on it. It'd be a shame.”

Oh Seth. Now Kay suddenly felt like crying. Inside the ladies room, she washed her shaking hands and let the cold water run over her skin for a long moment. Then she stared at herself in the mirror. What the fuck are you doing?

She went back to the table, and without even sitting back down, informed Gideon that she didn’t feel well and needed to leave. He didn't seem to mind much. "Oh well," he said. "I've eaten here alone before, so no big deal. See you soon!"

Definitely not.

It was raining even more than before when Kay stepped outside. Her umbrella’s mechanism was jammed, and she was wet in a matter of seconds. With a frustrated grunt, she tossed the useless thing into the next trash can. 

The rain drops running down her face were joined by tears. She was so very, very pissed. 

Pissed at Gideon for being an arrogant asshole and the worst date ever. 

Pissed at that restaurant, for ignoring the part of the population that couldn't climb stairs and use regular bathrooms. 

Pissed at Micah, for acting so patronizing and saccharine to Seth the other day.

Pissed at life for being fucking unfair and dealing Seth the hand it had dealt him.

But most of all, Kay was pissed at herself. For agreeing to a date she’d never wanted to have in the first place – no: For even considering going out with anyone. When in truth, there was only one person in the whole wide world she would have wanted to go on a date with. And just like six years ago, she had managed to lie to herself about it for way too long again. 

"Kay! How was your date with Gideon?" Lacy screamed when Kay got into the office the next morning. She came rushing over from behind her desk, her impossible high heels clacking on the floor, and she beamed excitedly. "He's great, isn‘t he?"

Oh dear, Kay now realized. The woman actually had the hots for her own cousin. Either she had very poor taste, or all her other cousins were even worse than Gideon. Probably both. "Thank you for trying, Lacy," she told her kindly. "But Gideon is not the guy for me after all."

Lacy's face fell, and her fake lashes fluttered. "He's not?"

"The truth is," Kay said. "I've realized that I actually have feelings for someone else."

"Oh," the secretary uttered. "Well in that case, congrats to you."

No, not congrats to me. Because she had no idea what to do with those feelings of hers – once again. The only thing she knew was that she didn’t want to lose him – not again. So how could she possibly have told Seth that she was in love with him?

A few afternoons later, she ran into him at the house. Kay was there for a meeting with the chief builder – the final one before the start of the remodeling. She had just seen the guy off and was about to go home when Brian walked through the front door, followed by Seth – they were back from physical therapy. "Hey you two!"

"Well hello Miss Martens. Fancy meeting you here." Seth grinned at her with those irresistible dimples, and Kay felt herself blush. 

He was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, and when Kay bent down to hug him, she caught a whiff of gym mat smell on him. His hair was a little damp, several of those dark waves coiling into small curls.

"Mister Bell," she winked when she straightened up. "What a nice surprise." She looked at Brian. "And you of course, Mister Felloni."

"Yeah yeah." The PCA gave her a lazy smirk that said 'It's fine, no need to include me', then disappeared into the modern corridor, leaving her and Seth alone. Kay suddenly felt shy, and when she looked at him, her stomach tingled. 

He pointed his head toward the staircase. "All done up there?"

"All done for the day. Was just about to head home."

"Why don't you stay for a bit. Let's sit outside and drink something."

Kay cocked her head. "I thought you're too tired to hang out after PT."

His left shoulder went up as he smirked sheepishly. "Usually. But you're already here, so it would be kind of weird not to hang out, wouldn't it."

That made her laugh. "That's a very convincing argument." She deposited her work bag by the coat rack and then started walking towards the kitchen. "What are you drinking?"

The whirring sound of the wheelchair followed behind her. "I don't know. Something sugary and refreshing?"

Kay nodded, glancing at him over her shoulder. "I'll see what I can find."

"Mind if I go ahead to the patio?" Seth asked. "I need to relieve pressure."

"Sure."

In the kitchen, she spotted some fresh lemons. "Lemonade it is," she mumbled, and started taking out the utensils, three glasses and one of Seth's straws. She knew her way around here by now.

When she stepped through the terrace door roughly ten minutes later, she found Seth not only relieving pressure in a fully tilted seat position – he was also asleep. 

Kay smiled. Too tired after all. Quietly, she set the tray with the lemonade down on the table, then pulled out the chair closest to him for herself. And then she just sat there and gazed at him. He looked so peaceful. His head had slightly fallen to the side on the headrest, his face was completely relaxed, full lips slightly parted. He was so beautiful that it almost hurt. All of him. Including his atrophied body, the mended hole in his neck and the bulky wheelchair. 

She thought back on how seeing him like this had shocked and shaken her, how impossible and unreal it had felt to see those limbs of his so still and slight. Now the mental image of his pre-injury body kept fading more and more each day. Like his arms and hands for instance: The way they were now – slim and only moving with occasional spasms – suddenly seemed all she knew. Had they really ever been dynamic and muscular? And had his shoulders really ever been less bony? His chest broader and more defined? Kay actually needed to concentrate to recall.

One memory hadn't faded one bit though and was still vividly present – that of his touch, of the feel of his body against hers. She missed that. She missed being close to Seth. So much that it hurt.

Part Two: Blocked 

Seth woke up with a start. Oh shit, he had dozed off. 

Then he frowned. Kay was sitting next to him – very close. She had her elbows on her knees, looking lost in thought. Seth stared at her hand, because it was on his unfeeling arm, her thumb stroking back and forth. The sight did something to him; something he didn't like. He swallowed. Now Kay seemed to have realized he was awake, because she abruptly straightened in her posture, pulling back her hand so quickly as if she'd just been caught stealing.

"Sorry," she mumbled awkwardly. "Does it bother you when I do that?"

"Of course not, why would it bother me?" he lied, his own voice much huskier than he would have liked it to be. 

"You had that scowl on your face just now."

Seth blinked. "I was just wondering if I remember what it feels like, that's all."

Kay paused a beat. "And do you?"

He evaded her gaze. "Yes."

"You're saying that like it's a bad thing."

Because it is. He didn't want to remember it. Not when Kay was the one touching him. He couldn't tell her that though, and so he just stayed quiet, mentally looking for a way to change the subject. 

Kay beat him to it. She stood up and pointed towards the tray on the table. "Ready for something sugary and refreshing?"

He glanced at the liquid in the glass pitcher and lent her an approving smile. "Lemonade? Nice."

While she filled both their drinking glasses, Seth fished for his control and puffed in the command for the seat to move back up from its tilted position. Once upright, he rolled his neck and shoulders, trying to shake off the persisting exhaustion from his system. He missed being able to rub his eyes. 

"Here you go," Kay mumbled, offering his glass to him, and he brought his head forward to take the straw between his lips. The lemonade was perfect. Still drinking, he glanced up at Kay to lend her an appreciative nod. He had no idea why, but when their eyes met, she just sort of stared at him unblinking for a second, almost like a deer in the headlights, and then abruptly looked away nervously. And because that confused the hell out of him, he mixed up swallowing and breathing in the wrong moment, and before he knew it, he was about to choke on that perfect lemonade. He started coughing – or emitting the lame excuse for a cough he was able to produce nowadays. 

As his chest was tightening up, he saw Kay hastily put down the glass, then her hands hovered above his shoulders while she stared at him in alarm, her eyes wide. She was already opening her mouth to call out when his airway cleared and he was able to gasp for breath. "I'm ok," he croaked quickly, blinking away the water that had built up in his eyes. "I’m ok."

Kay retrieved her hands, one of them landing on her own chest. "Jesus," she groaned as she released the breath she'd been holding. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

"You distracted me," Seth wheezed. "With that strange face you made."

"What strange face?" she frowned as if confused, but he could see her blushing.

"Never mind." He pointed his head toward his glass on the table. "I need another sip."

Kay held it up to him with a raised eyebrow. "Can you please not get distracted this time?"

"If you don't make any strange faces, yes."

He made sure to not even look at her while he drank, otherwise he would have probably burst out laughing. 

"I didn't know that's something you have trouble with," Kay mumbled when he was done. "Coughing, I mean." She tried to make her tone light, but her eyes betrayed a different sentiment. 

Not that worried look again. He blinked at her, shrugging. "Yeah, well, haven't got the muscle function for it."

She knitted her brow. "What would have happened if it had been food just now instead of liquid?"

He sighed with a smirk. "You would have called for Brian. And with some luck, he might have saved me from choking to death."

Kay gave him a reproachful look. "It's not funny."

That made him snort. "Believe me, I'm aware." Choking to death was one of his biggest fears ever since his injury. Maybe because he still remembered vividly what suffocating had felt like.

"What do you do when you have a cold and need to cough up stuff?"

Ugh. He would not go into that with her. "There's… methods for that," was all he said, and Kay nodded, not asking further. Seth was grateful to her for always sensing when he wanted a topic closed.

They talked about work for a bit, then Brian joined them on the patio.

"Seth fell asleep," Kay informed him with a smirk, and Seth rolled his eyes at her.

PCA chuckled. "That's something he’s exceptionally good at."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I never knew that.”

“That's because it's new,” Seth mumbled, and she nodded in understanding. He suppressed a yawn. "Sorry," he mumbled sheepishly. "Just beaten."

"Now I know what you mean when you say you’re spent after PT", Kay remarked. "What do you even do there?"

He couldn’t help but chuckle. She wasn't the first one to ask him that, of course, and she had the same confused expression on her face like everyone else. 

"Why are you laughing?" 

Seth shrugged. "It's just funny seeing people wonder what someone like me could possibly do in that wears them out."

Which was ironic, since never in his life had any kind of training taken so much out of him like his PT. All the running, rock climbing and swimming pre-injury had not felt half as demanding as trying to lift his head up from a horizontal position, or pushing his shoulder back in such a way that his arm moved half an inch on the mat, or simply keeping his neck straight when in a standing position. Those things felt like running a marathon, and looking back, the sports he'd used to do seemed like a walk in the park in comparison. 

Kay blushed a little, smirking awkwardly. "So what do you do?"

"Working with what I've got. And having my limbs moved."

"And standing," Brian added.

Now Kay frowned. "Huh?"

"It's important to keep the blood vessels and bones healthy," Brian explained. "The body's not made for sitting down and lying flat all the time."

Kay glanced at Seth. "How does it work?"

"By magic, of course," he joked, then clenched his teeth when his left shoulder cramped up from a spasm in his arm.

Brian stepped over to him and took hold of the trembling appendix, loosening the muscles with a couple of practiced moves. "There are several ways for quads to get into a standing position," he told Kay while slightly massaging Seth’s shoulder. "Seth usually does it on a tilt table." 

Seth was glad he didn't mention the reason for that. Which was that his blood pressure tended to be so erratic that in case it plummeted, they could lower him down swiftly.

Kay looked at him. "What does it feel like?" 

He shrugged. "Good. And weird, and exhausting."

Brian looked at his watch. "Gonna start cooking dinner. You staying, Kay?"

She shook her head. "Thanks, but I'm already invited to my sister's house."

Brian went inside, and for some reason, an awkward silence suddenly filled the patio. Seth didn't know why. Kay just seemed kind of nervous today, and somehow she kept avoiding eye contact. "So with all that physical therapy", she eventually addressed him. "Has there been any improvement at all?"

He frowned. With that nervous look on her face, he couldn't help but wonder what exactly she was asking here. Was she asking if he…? No. No way. 

"I've gotten stronger above my line of injury," he said warily. "Which is basically all I can expect." He searched her gaze, knitting his brow. "You didn't think I was ever getting out of this chair, did you. This is it for me."

"I know that!" she almost cut him off in bewilderment, looking almost hurt by his assumption. "Of course I know that. That's not what I meant."

"Then what's wrong?" 

Kay immediately averted her eyes. "Nothing’s wrong."

Seth raised his brows at her. "Kay."

Now she uttered a nervous laugh, still not fully looking at him. "I don't know what you mean."

"You're acting weird. What's going on."

With a stiff shrug, she shook her head. "I'm not acting weird!"

She was a terrible liar. Something was up, Seth was sure of it. He scoffed, clenching his jaw. What was she not telling him? 

She kept being weird the next time they met up. And the time after that, and the one after. 

It was strange. Usually, Seth was able to read Kay like he could read no one else. And she usually was completely open with him about everything. But now she was obviously hiding something, and she was hiding it specifically from him – that much was clear from the way she often got flustered from direct eye contact, and from how she sometimes was staring at him with that weird absentminded look on her face, only to quickly lower her gaze when he caught her doing it. 

Seth couldn't for the life of him figure out why she behaved like that, and he had given up on trying to get it out of her. She blocked his questions in that direction, and because she always respected when he blocked stuff, he figured it was only fair to do the same. So he just let her be weird, assuming that at some point sooner or later, she would either open up or stop being like this. The most important thing to him, after all, was to be able to spend time with Kay. And if Kay was being weird – well, then he would just take that for what it was. Things would go back to normal soon enough, he told himself.

And then the thing with Brian's car happened.

Part Three: Four years earlier

Not a day had passed for Kay without thinking of Seth. It had been over a year since she had moved to London permanently; over a year since that talk on the oriental lounge sofa. 

They had stayed in contact, but it was different than before. A few texts here and there, that was it. The unresolved and unspoken things between them managed to make every exchange feel awkward, even with the huge physical distance.

Kay knew he was still with that woman Sophie – though she preferred to call her Whatshername in her mind. Meanwhile, Kay had gone on a few dates and had slept with a couple of guys, but it all felt empty. She didn't feel like that space in her heart was free, not really. It belonged to Seth, and whenever she tried to push that fact down and concentrate on falling for someone else – as if falling in love was something you needed to concentrate on in the first place – her subconscious punished her with a vivid, emotional or highly sexual dream of Seth, catapulting her right back into those feelings. Probably because a part of her still had hope that maybe his relationship with Whatshername would end soon and she would get her chance after all.

She went back home for Christmas. Well in advance, she had texted Seth that she would like to see him while she was there, and the faster their meeting approached, the more nervous Kay became. To hell with respecting his current relationship – she needed to tell him how she felt. That she couldn't just go on like this and pretend like nothing had ever happened between them. That she was in love with him and that she wasn't able to let go.

They met for dinner at a restaurant. Kay felt weak in the knees when Seth walked in and she stood up to greet him. He looked older somehow, in a good way – more mature. The dark grey coat he was wearing was one of those slim fitted woolen ones, and he had a new haircut. In all the years she'd known him, he'd always worn his full dark hair at almost the same length top and sides, which had given him a very casual, even boyish look. Now it was trimmed shorter on the sides and in the back, and those wonderful waves on top were even more shown to advantage. In short, now Seth did not only look hot and gorgeous, but also wildly attractive in a very adult kind of way.

His hug was somewhat reserved, but his eyes were not when he sat across from her and they looked at each other. "It's good to see you," he said warmly. "Been a long time."

She nodded earnestly. "For real."

They started by catching each other up on the basics – work, living situation, family. Kay told Seth about her life in London and answered all his questions, albeit somewhat half-heartedly. Something was off. The vibe was off. They both tried to make the usual jokes with one another, to have their old, relaxed banter. But for some reason, it wasn't working. It felt like both of them were holding back; the air between them thick with all the things that had happened and everything that hadn't been said out loud. Seth seemed apprehensive, almost wary – as if he knew what she was here for.

"How is it going with you and Sophie?" Kay finally asked. She tried to keep her tone light, but she failed miserably; just like Seth failed to keep his jaw from slightly tensing up right now. 

"It's going well." He scratched his neck. "We're really good together." With a smirk, he added. "Just a perfectly normal couple."

Kay winced inwardly. This didn't sound like a relationship that was about to end anytime soon. On the contrary, it sounded fucking stable and established.

Seth cleared his throat. "Are you seeing anyone?"

She shook her head, looking down. "The thing is," she began, but then hesitated. This was the moment she had anticipated for so long. The moment where she had planned to put her cards on the table and tell him how she felt about him. But now that she was sitting here, she suddenly felt silly. Seth was obviously in a happy relationship. His whole body language told her he wasn't here to throw it all overboard and ride into the sunset with her.

"I wanted to talk to you about…," she started over. "About what happened between us. I just can't… let it go, Seth."

He blinked, and a nervous flicker went across his face. Instead of saying anything though, he just waited for her to go on.

Kay licked her lips. "It's just always there," she rambled.  You are always there.  "I told you I regretted not taking the leap back then, and… well I still do."  I'm in love with you.

Seth shifted in his seat, his eyes looking everywhere but at her. He nodded, clearing his throat. "Yeah."

Yeah? That's all you've got? Kay's heart sank even deeper than it had sunk already. Never since they’d known each other, he had been this quiet and reserved with her. This tense. Kay felt stupid, and exposed. She took a shaky breath, searching his gaze. "What am I to do with that, Seth?"

Now he looked at her. His eyes were telling a different story than his demeanor – they were looking broody and vulnerable. "I don't know," he said quietly. "I don't know what to do with it myself."

Kay exhaled shakily. So he hadn't forgotten about her either. The big difference being that he had someone else in his life, too. Now she understood why he had been acting so unnaturally detached tonight: Seth was simply trying to protect his relationship.

Now he scoffed softly. "Life can really be fucking ironic." He was shaking his head, one hand rubbing the back of it.

She now knew where this was going. "Sophie –," she asked hoarsely. "Do you love her?"

Seth's eyes earnestly met hers when he nodded. "I do." 

They were both silent for a long moment. It felt like everything had been said. Kay for sure knew everything she needed to know. 

"I'm glad that you're happy," she eventually said, and she meant it, even though it tore her up inside. She knew she had lost him. Because now, how would they be able to continue their friendship? He knew she wanted more, and he couldn't give it to her, so what were they supposed to do with each other? It was over.

They continued the dinner with small talk and discussions about pop culture. Kay wanted the night to be over already, but at the same time she didn't want it to end. Because Seth, her Seth was slipping through her fingers, and she wanted to hold on to every tiny piece of him that was still here.

"Let's stay in touch," he said, when they were standing outside the restaurant and about to part ways. 

"Sure." She knew that they wouldn't. 

"And give me a call when you're here on the next break," he added. "We can go for drinks or something." 

Kay nodded faintly, managing a half-hearted smile. "Will do."

They looked at each other, and Seth's eyes were saying all the things his demeanor was aiming not to show. Kay felt a lump in her throat. He was still there, her Seth. It was just that he had made the decision – probably a year ago – that he couldn’t let her get close anymore.

"Take care of yourself," she whispered, blinking against the tears in her eyes. He nodded wordlessly and put his arms around her. She held onto him, trying to conserve the moment for as long as possible. Because somehow she felt like this was the last time ever that Seth was holding her.

To be continued